"Love, Lust, & Situationships"

Dear Jolene… We Need To Talk.

Love.
Lust.
Situationships.
The men we can’t stop thinking about.
The men we should’ve stopped thinking about.
And the difference between wanting someone and being chosen by them.


This episode gets vulnerable as we unpack our current relationship experiences and ask ourselves some hard questions about dating, desire, and self-worth.


Welcome back to What Would Sister Say? 💋

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:12

Alright, you guys, it's me, Giovanna. And I'm Shelby. And I'm there or this is welcome back.

SPEAKER_00 0:23

Yeah. Welcome back. This is episode two.

SPEAKER_02 0:26

Episode two, yes. And um today's topic is love lust and situationships.

SPEAKER_00 0:33

Oh. Being a lover girl.

SPEAKER_02 0:47

Yeah. Um, but I feel like that's normal. I I feel like um I've I've used your shoulder plenty of times as a napkin, a snotty napkin.

SPEAKER_00 0:59

You know, so um still trying to navigate these um men's.

SPEAKER_02 1:06

What what is it called? Neanderthals? Cavemen? Yes. That's what I feel like I'm um up against sometimes. And I I um I I don't think they're fully developed that I would like for them to be.

SPEAKER_00 1:23

No, I feel like what were we just saying? Like, what is this? Nicholas Sparks just totally screwed us, thinking like the perfect man's out there, like a a lumberjack could write poetry and love you deeply because girl, I love me, a brute of a man.

SPEAKER_02 1:41

Yes, and that's that's exactly what we're talking about. About how I feel like our generation came up with like this fairy tale of what um like I guess like what love is, and then what we're supposed our expectations are, and then what like romance is supposed to be, and what we're we want to receive from men.

SPEAKER_00 2:08

Um yeah, yeah, and what's possible. Okay, all right, back to business. Back to the business. I'm sorry, I that walking on the floor was like distracting me. It's throwing me. All right, so we're just saying Nicholas Sparks kind of screwed us up because this vision that men could actually love the same capacity that women can. I think there's this like difference in love that men and women have. Like, not that one is more love, like men can't love. I just don't think they love like we love.

SPEAKER_02 2:53

Yeah, no, I think the love language is very different. I think their ways of showing love is shows up very different than what we would even like for it to be. And I think that's something that we either have to just like accept or kind of like I feel like we've talked about this as well.

SPEAKER_00 3:17

Like, don't expect everything from your man. You need to have your girlfriends to talk to every day. Yeah. Um, because they're not gonna hear everything that you have to say about everything in your day, or they just they they can't give us what our sisters can give us.

SPEAKER_02 3:41

I think that men are um and I I don't want to sound like I'm like male fashing or anything like that, because that's not like what my mission is.

SPEAKER_00 3:52

I I think I love them.

SPEAKER_02 3:53

I love men.

SPEAKER_00 3:55

But I also wonder if I need to take up my hobby of hating them again.

SPEAKER_02 3:59

You know, I I I've been really considering that myself about um taking my time and not like really putting all my eggs in one basket. We've talked about this.

SPEAKER_00 4:16

Um one egg in one basket.

SPEAKER_02 4:20

Ideally, like three, four. Three would be nice, yeah, would be really nice. Three eggs. I feel like you can have like the the one that you know you really love, and then like maybe the one that's like a good time, and you know, and then the one that's more financially stable, and I don't know, girl.

SPEAKER_00 4:45

I just feel like giving one one good chance, one equal chance until he fucks it up, and then you just go on to the next one. Then well, knowing me, I'll probably be celibate for three years and hate men, and then maybe eventually another one will stumble along and I'll just fall head over heels for him.

SPEAKER_02 5:09

You know, I saw this, I forget her name, but there is an influencer, and she had on her post it said she said she's been celibate for three years, and she says that equals to less people having less access to me and less people draining my energy. Yeah. And that like and now, like, because I have this mindset, like, what like you know, have your options, like have have this like thing, and like I um I don't want to be exerting all of my energy to people, and I feel like that's something that like I battle with is giving too much of my energy away.

SPEAKER_00 5:54

I think yeah, I think that it was very I don't I don't know. I don't want my life to be like male focused. I want to have my one person and then focus on my life and my dreams. And if you if I find time for love, then I go to that one person that I can be anything and everything with. But honestly, I don't have time to try to have that with multiple people. I I would rather kind of like what we were saying earlier, have my sisters to give me everything that my man may be missing, but still get that love from my man and then continue on with my life and my mission. I don't I don't want to be running around with three men trying to get at least one of them to love me.

SPEAKER_01 6:48

What if all of them love you?

SPEAKER_00 6:50

I don't know if I I don't I don't know if my self is set up like that. I mean, I want all the men to love me and adore me, but like I don't know if I could love them all back because I'm such a one person. I don't see I do we not have to love them.

SPEAKER_02 7:15

Yeah, I think we have to love um ourselves. Love ourselves first, and then I think loving them comes after, and then I think when you love yourself wholeheartedly love yourself and you show up for yourself, um the love from them and your expectations, and I think this girl also goes into the next topic of like boundaries, and like how do you maintain that? How have you been with boundaries thus far? Where do you feel like you are?

SPEAKER_00 7:54

Oh I feel like when I was younger, I was good with boundaries, I was such a little bitch, and then one day I decided I wanted to be loved, and I think I turned into like a people pleaser and had really like let people walk on me. And I don't I I don't I don't know what happened, but I feel like my last long relationship it was very little boundaries, and then one day I had enough of my boundaries being crossed, and I just put my foot down, and that was the end. Um you know we've been no contact for over a year now. It's crazy to go from loving somebody so deeply to like just having them blocked on everything and like they don't exist to you. But I feel like that was a hard boundary that I had to set, and I'm still struggling with it. I mean, not struggling, like I don't care for him, but I'm still struggling with the idea of loving somebody so deeply and then just cutting them off because they crossed a boundary. But like that's kind of what you gotta do.

SPEAKER_02 9:15

But it's not like it was just like a one boundary that was crossed, it was enough. My problem is with boundaries is I see, I was the opposite. I was a people pleaser when I was a kid because I was like the gay little boy that wanted to be liked by everybody. I wanted to be around, like um I just wanted to be around and be accepted and be like within the circle and not be like outcasted even more than that I already was. So I think I got to a certain point where like it was when I transitioned that I just became into my own, and I was like, you need to be selfish, you need to do for you, you need to show up for you, you need to uh think like put you first at all cost, and that went with my family, my friends, my relationships, and then I have a problem with when I really love people, like when I love, I love hard. And I feel like I allow people that I love to disrespect being cross boundaries the most, and that's where I'm struggling with. Um, I have no problem setting boundaries with people like in the world, yeah. But um, as far as I need to be more like you, I feel like I need to learn to I need to learn to set rules and understand that like thank you. You wanna lay down? Um, anyways, so yes, boundaries are hard for me, they're really hard for me. I I allow people to play my face a little too much, and um, I just keep hoping that they get the fuck together. But I I I don't know how much more I have in me, to be honest.

SPEAKER_00 11:26

I feel like I'm getting at this breaking point with people to where like I I don't know much how like how much I could take more of what's taking place with disrespect and lying or cheating or I think that also goes like into the potential that we see in these men. And we we keep clinging on to the potential, that's exactly what we're doing. But I think we need to let them show us who they are and believe them when they show us and not think, oh that's they're kidding. Ha ha ha. This is a joke. Like, no, that's actually who you're dealing with. And is that is that who you want to be dealing with? Is that who do you like who they are when or you are when you're with them? How do they make your nervous system feel?

SPEAKER_02 12:24

See what's sad is like with me, it's more of like I love when I'm with them. It's more when we're not with each other that I feel Okay, is that just your love and your delusion then? I think it is maybe my love and my delusion. I don't know, or maybe I'm just like oh, like googly-eyed and like you know, captivated by this this individual, to where I'm just like, you could do no wrong in my eyes when just because of your essence and your aura.

SPEAKER_00 12:59

Hmm, yeah. Um, you know that was my whole problem. This uh recent lover girl trip up is I spent a little too much time fantasizing about something that wasn't there yet. It didn't show me that it could be. I just am a lover girl, and I guess I like to break my own fucking freaking beep, beep, beep heart.

SPEAKER_02 13:31

I don't want to be, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't want to be that delusional girl, but at the same time, I also don't want to be this like I think is this the Slovakian girls. Yeah, tell me more. I I would like to take some notes from them, but at the same time, I don't want to take it to that extent. I want to find like a nice medium, like where I'm like not an ice cold-hearted queen, but yes, but like just fierce and don't fuck with yeah, like yeah, you know what boundaries to cross and what not to cross. And you know what my expectations are, and if it's not that somebody else is going to obtain them, and it's just that simple.

SPEAKER_00 14:15

I also want to get to the point where I'm people it's not, oh, I have to make a decision because somebody crossed my boundary. I want it to be established and set, and people know in the beginning, and I want I want them to fear me. Like, don't play with me because you are afraid that you are gonna lose me.

SPEAKER_02 14:35

Exactly. That's what I was about to say. I don't want them to necessarily fear me. I want them to fear me. Okay, okay. I want them to fear losing me. Like, I want I don't I want them to know that, like, because I feel a lot of men and like, and I feel like women feel this, but I feel like women are the prize, you know. Like, I genuinely truly believe that. I feel like when a good woman comes into a man's life, she changes she changes his whole trajectory. Yeah, like he sees himself, what he can do. Exactly. A woman can come in and just Yes, like a woman can just come in and change a man's whole mindset. And that is like one thing that like as a woman, I pride myself on is that like the energy that I do give the men that I deal with or I've dealt with, like they they improve in a sense, they level up in a sense, they get to a position that they haven't been in. And but then at the same time, exactly, and it's just like why am I I get to a point where like now it's like I I'm tired of building up these men, but at the same time, that's already made, please. Yeah, but then at the same time, I feel like men that are already made up, they're like so set in their ways, and I don't want to mold to a man's ways, I want him to mold to my ways. Yeah. So I think that's why like I'm just on this mission to be this rich ass bitch that just like calls the shots. I don't need a man for that. That's how I feel.

SPEAKER_00 16:15

I just want to have money, so love is love.

SPEAKER_02 16:17

Yeah, I because like I was watching I don't want it. Um Rachel Zoe said because she was I was watching Royal Housewives of Atlanta yesterday. And um, no, Beverly Hills, she's on Beverly Hills, sorry. So so um she was saying that financial freedom is so important for women that it allows them to put themselves in to not tolerate certain things or to not just to be in the like most powerful situation you can possibly be in is financial power. And she said that's like anytime that she's gotten a divorce or she left someone, she never had that's one thing she never had to worry about, and I feel like that is so people like yeah, it's it's an empowering move. Like, you don't have to feel like you have to stay with this man because he's doing this, this, and this, or because he's you know, making your life easier for you. And I feel like that's where a lot of women get trapped and kind of like I don't say stuck, but stuck.

SPEAKER_00 17:23

Yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 17:24

Yeah, and you're stuck with a man that's cheating and lying to you, or whoop out your ass or because I I do feel like so many women would leave if they had the financial ability to leave situations, or they would speak up, or they wouldn't tolerate certain things, or and if they knew they could stand on their own.

SPEAKER_00 17:46

Yeah. So I think yeah, that's what it that's always saved me too, is knowing that I could always take care of myself. And I frick, I do good on my own, like I have always leveled myself up.

SPEAKER_02 18:00

That's exactly the thing, and then when I get with somebody, I feel like my attention is now so fixated and hyper-focused on them. Oh, I do that that I kind of pause, I come at the standstill, but when I am just like focusing on myself, because like I feel like I was like in a relationship but not in a relationship when I was with even um back in the day, um, like towards like the last two years, like we were just kind of dying off. So then I I just was all for me, and I was focusing on me and doing me and understanding me. And you know, like I was just literally like like he did his thing, I did my thing. We were on both separate schedules, like we were barely seeing each other, we weren't really having sex with each other, like we were just like living together, and that was it. And we were both kind of checked out, but I wasn't checked out, but I was he was checked out, but I knew he was checked out, so it was just kind of like I can't do that. I like, yeah, I've done it, but like, damn. Yeah, it was tough, it was it was a tough spot. So that made me start to understand and try to pay attention to certain signs of things when a man is just like because they say that a man will stay until you leave him because he doesn't want to look like the bad guy, and they say women will check out well before they'll leave and then they'll leave. But they'll they'll they'll check out, but they'll stay hoping that there's something still there, and I I I feel like that's a lot of my stuff, but as far as like that goes, like where do you feel like you could have like like done better as far as like seeing like your red flags or your green flags, or like girl, I don't even know what a green flag is.

SPEAKER_00 20:16

I love the color red.

SPEAKER_02 20:18

We both obviously love the color red. That is that is the issue, and I think that is the fucking problem right there.

SPEAKER_00 20:28

Yeah, a hundred percent. I'm getting better at noticing red flags. See me see. And noticing them, I don't know much about them. Yeah, I just want to see them flicker and save.

SPEAKER_02 20:41

Um, I feel like I'm getting a lot better at noticing them. I don't want to say that I'm getting better at walking away from them.

SPEAKER_00 20:51

Oh yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_02 20:53

But certainly, like you said, noticing them.

SPEAKER_00 20:56

I'm getting more aware of how I feel about things and I want to respect myself. So I think that has definitely helped. Like I don't want to put up with bullshit because I can't I can't respect myself when I don't speak up or when I put up with shit. I think that's what makes the boundary like foot stomp happen eventually, is because it's how I feel about myself.

SPEAKER_02 21:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:28

Um, but yeah, eventually like I notice like some red red flags do not feel good, and then that's when like the turning point happens. But sometimes they're just noticed. Um he has a little temper. I'm a little crazy too.

SPEAKER_02 21:46

Yeah, you know. Completely eyes glazed over.

SPEAKER_00 21:54

Yeah, until it's with me.

SPEAKER_02 21:58

But you've seen it already. Like that's the thing, and then like I don't understand why we act surprised when like I think it's because we think that we're like these special like and we but we are special, but we think that they are going to be able to have enough self-control, and some men do. I feel I feel like some men do.

SPEAKER_00 22:20

See, this is my issue is I cling on to the idea of that some men are good men, some men are like gonna treat us great.

SPEAKER_02 22:33

Yeah, I think there are some amazing men out there. Like I I see some, and again, I we've talked about this. I feel like you know, you have to take everything with a grain of salt when it comes to social media. Sadly, I don't know too many great men. I don't know any. You I didn't want to say that.

SPEAKER_01 22:54

Okay, okay, but um I don't know too many. Maybe there's some way of being great.

SPEAKER_02 23:01

Okay, okay. Um I feel like I know some men with some great potential. I would like to think of like even of these great men with great potential eventually getting great men for me.

SPEAKER_00 23:21

We do though. But then since we live in this city that I feel like the narrative is just men are dirtbags and they cheat and they lie and do we need to move to like Montana or like No, I'm sure they do that there too. What about like like like where are the great men at? Do they all congregate in one area or is it just like one speck here and there? I don't know. Are they friends with each other?

SPEAKER_02 23:56

No, I don't think I don't think they're gonna be able to do that. Are they friends at all? I think I think they're friends with a woman.

SPEAKER_00 24:05

I feel like the good ones are I I would like to think that they're not all taken up yet, but I would I would think that like some woman has seen them and was like so I feel like there's these women out there that hate men, and then they'll have a boyfriend, and that boyfriend is like the exception, and the those boyfriends usually hate men too. They're like, Yeah, I I get it, men are awful, but like I love women, and so that's why their girl who hates men loves them because they're the exception. Yeah, I want Amanda understand why women don't fuck with men, and then be the opposite.

SPEAKER_02 24:50

See, and I don't think that most men understand why. I don't think men understand I don't feel like they understand by no means whatsoever. Um ask you a question. Like, somebody asked me this, and like so what would you do if you found out that your me? Like your best friend was fucking with one of your exes, girl.

SPEAKER_00 25:23

Like, let's say what's your last meal? Because you'd get it cooked in it and you'd get you would take me to Switzerland? Girl, that'd be nice.

SPEAKER_02 25:39

This is not a nice, smooth way that I'm taking you out. I fucking agree.

SPEAKER_00 25:47

I don't think that's your friend if they're dating their man.

SPEAKER_02 25:52

It's not your friend. Even if that's your ex.

SPEAKER_00 25:54

Like, what the fuck are you smiling my face while I was crying over him? Crying, going through it. And then you were like, let me have a go.

SPEAKER_02 26:01

Yeah, let me see if he'll do me any better. I don't know if he does.

SPEAKER_00 26:13

Like, I want my ex to be happy. Of course. Just over there and not let me see it.

SPEAKER_02 26:22

Okay, so one of my exes reached out. My ex's girlfriend had reached out to me. She did this podcast and blase and all this stuff. And um, I had such joy inside of my fucking soul when I found out that like he's just a fucking dog. He did that her the same way he did me. So it's it's not it wasn't me. Like, because that's what's something I was so insecure about because he was, he made me insecure about like me being trans and me being, because he became religious out of nowhere, girl, like listening to the Bible earbuds every morning while he brushed his fucking teeth until he finished the entire Bible. So then, like, at some point, like it just got to a point where like he would felt like what be engaging with me was sinful. But like, it was just a mess. It was just a mess. So my point is nine times out of ten, they're going to get like they're they're they're going to get what you got. And that's one thing. I saw this quote, and this girl said, You're scared to lose me because you know how I love, but I'm not scared to lose you because I know how you love. And when I heard that, that really hit me because I was like, I know what I give, I know the amount of love that I give, I know like how deep my love goes, and I could see how you love too. Yeah, you know, so like what am I really missing out on?

SPEAKER_00 28:10

Yeah, 100%. I think too, I've learned that in all of my relationships where I felt so much love and joy, I was always the common denominator. I was always the one that brought the love, brought so much to the table when it came to the good feelings. And I think I associated it with this like one person, but at the end of the day, it was always me.

SPEAKER_02 28:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 28:39

And I think with that, going back to what you said, like I know how I love, yeah. I know I could take it somewhere else.

SPEAKER_02 28:47

Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 28:48

And I know that every man that I've ever been with has crashed the fuck out when I've taken my love away.

SPEAKER_02 28:55

It's because they don't know they don't know what to do when it's gone. That's the thing. Like, I and that's what when you said like I created I created it. I created what I thought was this amazing time. Like, I remember um the first like my relationship where we were actually taking each other serious. I was the one that was having the gatherings for Thanksgiving and Christmas and um planning our trips together, and I was the one creating these memories and these moments and showing him I I feel like it's like showing them, but then at the same time, again, I don't feel like that's okay.

SPEAKER_00 29:46

Teaching him how to love you.

SPEAKER_02 29:48

I think teaching I that's one thing that I had seen that this woman said you have to show them your level of romance and what you like, because some men don't understand it, they don't they don't get it. So I remember one of my ex exes, I for his birthday, I had like private chef, I had um like flowers and balloons and pictures of us everywhere, and this and that, like decorations, like like the Instagrammable situation, and that was pretty much me showing him like hey, this is This is what I expect on the birthday. Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 30:30

This is how I expect to be treated, and how you feel now, exactly that's what you're gonna do for me.

SPEAKER_02 30:34

Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 30:35

So, um, but after that, I just I've just I don't I don't know how yeah but when you hear about these things, it's like don't do anything for a man.

SPEAKER_02 30:46

Yeah, but I want I like to. I like to treat my man good. I like to give. I'm a giver. I like to gift, I like to like make sure they feel good. I want to make them look good, I want them to feel confident, I wanna But then they turn around and they run off to some other woman after you judge them up. But then I feel like that it doesn't stay. I don't feel like the judge stay.

SPEAKER_00 31:08

Oh, because it was never theirs.

SPEAKER_02 31:09

Yeah, exactly. Honey, they're gonna be able to do that.

SPEAKER_00 31:10

They were they were feeding off of your we should me and their new girl should have just gotten together because she likes me. She likes your judge. She likes me.

SPEAKER_02 31:18

Yeah, exactly. You know, she said, Oh, she quoffed. Oh. She quoffed that man up. He looks good. Yeah. And it's it was a facade of you. So I have this like okay, so have you ever like had a moment where you where you've gotten to like found your lesson within a funny fucked up situation? Like, do you do you like to find your lesson within those moments, or are you a girl that likes to, you know, woe it's me?

SPEAKER_00 32:15

Um both. I mean, I live my lesson, but I'll definitely woe it's me and lick my woes. Yes.

SPEAKER_03 32:22

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 32:22

I mean, um, one thing I'm learning and I I'm figuring out, I don't know if I'm learning it. I'm collecting data, as we say. Um, but when it comes to meeting a new person, not sharing all your baggage, yeah, not telling them how the last man hurt you. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 32:47

I feel like they'll do the same, if not worse, and then or they you tell them what you allow. Yeah, exact that's exactly how I feel. Yeah, like, oh, she'll tolerate this.

SPEAKER_00 32:56

No, I don't tolerate it. Any kind of distrust or disrespect, I'm stomping out the door. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 33:02

Yeah. And I I feel like any time that I've ever expressed my traumas or fears or doubts, it was always like thrown into my face. Yeah. Like during like some type of argument. You said weakness. Yeah, exactly. And um that's one thing that I I'm being vulnerable with you, and I I'm very picky on who I'm vulnerable with. And if you choose to like use my vulnerability against me, that like I don't even really look at you the same after that.

SPEAKER_00 33:44

Oh no, especially for somebody who's supposed to be like your protector. Yeah, exactly. And like keep keep me safe. And and they use your wound against oh hell no. No, thank you.

SPEAKER_02 34:02

So within this, like what out of all of this, like what brings you joy? Like, what is where are you finding your joy within life, within like you navigating through these situations with men at the moment, or just like life?

SPEAKER_00 34:22

I don't quite know. I love to love. I feel like that's my guilty pleasure. I um like I said before, I'm realizing that I may be the common denominator, and I feel like I'm learning to find love everywhere in friends, and strangers even. Um, but that love was sparked when I realized that if I wasn't, hmm, what am I trying to say? I feel like our world, our society, our movies have fucked us up in the sense that we are not loved unless we're loved by a man. And I feel like that love from a man has taught me that there's like love in me. And celibacy has kind of taught me that I can find that love everywhere, like not only or limited to men. Um dogs and flowers and friends, and I don't know. Um, and so that's brought me joy. I've also been trying to be a little bit more aware of myself when it comes to love. Um, I feel like a lot of times we act out because we want attention or we want affection, or we I don't know, we feel like that's love. And so I've been asking myself, like, when I feel like I want to be loved, like what it what is it that I'm really looking for? And if it's attention, like how can I give that to myself? Because if a man's not giving me attention, am I unloved? Am I unlovable? Like he may even love me, but he may not be giving me attention. So I don't I need to like get out of that frame of mind that I'm unlovable if I'm not receiving from somebody, and I'd like to be able to do it all for myself. So I don't know if I have joy there yet, but I'm learning, and I feel like once I attain, is that nirvana? I don't know. Love for myself so wholeheartedly that would bring me joy.

SPEAKER_02 36:44

I think that's when it comes all together, is like I feel like I'm trying to learn to love myself a little bit better and accept my flaws and just kind of like dig deeper within myself and understand who I am as a woman and what I want out of life and what I'm craving and what I'm searching for. Um but I'm I've been finding my joy in building something for myself. Like I think that that's like this, what we're doing has been such a good and again, like we were talking about earlier. I don't want to call it a distraction because this is like so far from that. Like this this is like the focus, and I feel like everything else is that a a distraction, and I I feel like with me focusing on what I want in life and me focusing on that also focuses on my needs and my desires, and like everything that comes with this, yeah, I I feel like everything is going to come full circle and I'm finding that when I show up for myself and I I don't necessarily feel like I need someone else to show up for me in the way that in that way as far as like trying to make something happen for me that I can make happen for myself and giving someone too much power. So I've been finding joy in me, like focusing on me, being greedy.

SPEAKER_00 39:04

Ooh, I feel like our dream girls, like when we realize ourselves as those dream girls, that's all I ever wanted as a little girl. I just wanted to be that girl, yeah, and that little girl loves that version of me so much, and when I step into that version of me, I feel so much love.

SPEAKER_02 39:28

Exactly, exactly, and that's that's exactly my point. Is that when we're we're focusing on accomplishing what because I said yesterday, like I didn't I didn't do all of this to be like an average woman, like and to be just loved by a man, yeah. I didn't like I did this for so many other reasons, and like I think I I got sidetracked along the way. So when like I get back on track, I I feel like this fire like inside of myself, like 100%, you know, and a joy. Like yesterday I I felt so like proud of us when we got done with our first episode. And I felt like like we were it's it's everything that like it's just coming to, like everything is coming to, you know. So like the little boy that is like like is rooting for me that you know is seeing everything that like I've created and and what I'm I'm going to create. And I I I that brings me like I just I'm screaming inside, like yes, yes, girl.

SPEAKER_00 40:39

I told you earlier today I was like heartbroken two days ago. Yesterday I felt heartbroken, and then we did our episode, and it's just like that the heartbreak, the feeling that I felt from some man just like dissipated because I was like in my purpose and giving myself the love that I needed. Like we said, like when we chase our dreams or doing this right now, like this is I feel like giving myself the attention, giving myself the affection, giving myself the the affirmation, the praise, like we're doing it. Exactly, and it's coming from ourselves, not from outside of ourselves.

SPEAKER_02 41:27

And I think like a lot of it that like what you did, that I did, that I feel like has helped me a lot. And I I would highly recommend a lot of you women or people, whoever's watching this, to do this, speak out your own affirmations and record them, and I feel like that is something that has been helping me so so much. Like, even though sometimes I don't listen to them consistently, but the fact that I'm listening to everything that I want out of life from me, your voice is so powerful, so powerful, and you hearing these things about yourself from you, it it just better than any exact interest, yeah. Yeah, any random person. Yeah, so highly, highly recommend that. Like in you, um yeah, you are your yours are detailed, oh yeah.

SPEAKER_00 42:42

I'm very specific. I know what I want.

SPEAKER_02 42:44

Very specific when you know what you want in life, and I feel like you you you you're on the path to obtaining that. And the fact that I've seen you leveling up in the types of individuals, and um, you know, so I I know that like it's maybe one day I'll have me a great man, you know what I'm saying? So like everything is coming together.

SPEAKER_00 43:12

I like to think too, like we're a reflection of the people that are around us, and I think sometimes I in the past I've thought to myself, like, if I'm not a great woman yet, how would I attract a great man? And I think once I mean, will it matter once we're great, amazing? I mean, we are great, amazing women, but once we're our dream selves, where we're at, like we've said, will it matter having a man? But also we I feel like we'd be aligned in the space to attract one.

SPEAKER_02 43:45

Exactly. So I think like when you put the work behind yourself, it just that just comes automatically. They feel the love that you have for yourself, they see the respect you have for yourself, they see everything that you are doing for yourself. So what are you what are you contributing over here? Yeah. So that's that's my thought for today. Yeah, pretty good. Yeah. That's my um what is it? 15 minutes. Was that 15 minutes? But um yeah that's that's it for today you guys.

SPEAKER_00 44:33

Um love lust and situationship do we uh did we even really talk about lust or situation we didn't talk about lust no we didn't no but we're we're we're on like 45 minutes. Well to be honest I have no interest in lust I'm a very lustful girl so I I give in to lust and I feel like lust is what drives some of my um my attraction sometimes oh this girl the other day we were talking I talked to her about you know woo-woo stuff and she was saying girl you need to um learn how to cut the cord from your coochie and your heart so oh yeah they don't come they don't your girl doesn't get your heart off yeah I I strongly believe in that I haven't done that yet let me do that real quick because yeah every time I feel like I let a man in my world I just I love him and it's just less most of the time oh he just looks good yeah what he do with that thing get the shape but yeah um yeah lustful girl over here I'm a lustful girl I try I try and I've been controlling myself which is well there's a little self-control little discipline a lot more than normal I would say yeah that's it's an improvement it's an improvement you know um trust the process trust the process yeah I think you know I for me me cutting the cord I feel like in sex not being anything for me is when I was like like escorting like that that sex just became work like and I think I've just recently probably within the last like two years I actually started to enjoy sex and it hasn't been like work and I've actually been able to like enjoy my body that like and enjoy the person that I'm with and because I used to just do my thing the whole point was to make them and then after that let me go get you a rag here you go even when I was like with somebody like dating someone that's how I reacted it wasn't like oh let's cuddle let's enjoy this moment and no we're done accomplished all right what are we about to go eat now you know anyways yeah that's that all right well I guess we could wrap it up uh thanks for joining us today thanks for joining um we love having you tune in follow like share subscribe and all the things um look out for our next episode yes thank you guys chowder hasta la vista baby