"Hot Takes?"

In this episode of What Would Sister Say, Shelby accidentally turns the mic on Giavana.

What started as a conversation about hot takes quickly became an interview, as Shelby asks Giavana about life, relationships, personal growth, and where she’s at in this season of her life. The sisters dive into honest reflections, unexpected tangents, plenty of laughs, and the kind of conversation that happens when you’re simply catching up with someone you love.

Sometimes the best episodes are the ones that don’t go according to plan.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:31

Hot takes? Do you know what a hot take is?

SPEAKER_00 0:34

Um leg. Leg or leg, um, oh, or did Will D Williams do hot takes? Or hot tea. I think she did hot tea. I don't know. I didn't really watch. But anyways, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 0:52

I don't know. I don't know anything about hot takes, so we're not gonna do that today.

SPEAKER_00 0:55

Yeah, I think that we should we could skip over hot takes.

SPEAKER_01 0:58

Okay. Well I think I have a few just questions for you then that are just you know on my heart. Okay. Speaking of hearts, how's your heart?

SPEAKER_00 1:17

I feel like it's a weird time to talk about my heart right now. It's in a weird spot. Oh she's like in between, like very uh cold and also wanting to like love at the same time. She's in a very weird space.

SPEAKER_01 1:33

Do you feel like mush?

SPEAKER_00 1:36

I feel like yeah, you know, but like old mush. You know, like like old stale potatoes, like you're just tired of them, like that type of mush.

SPEAKER_01 1:50

Oh, not like the butterfly and a cocoon mush?

SPEAKER_00 1:53

No, I feel like like it's time to throw out the mush and get rid of the mush.

SPEAKER_01 1:59

Ugh.

SPEAKER_00 2:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:02

You feel like you have a heavy heart right now?

SPEAKER_00 2:05

Yeah, I would say that. I I um I'm in this space right now where I am having a hard time um setting boundaries and sticking to them. And yeah, I'm I I and I I don't want to, we talked about this, I think, a little bit why I mentioned it to you, is that like I feel like a goofy girl, and I want to like literally like just fall into love and be loving, and I don't know if I'm just loving the wrong people or because I don't want to give up on love. Like, I I love the idea of it, but my heart is like, girl, give it up. Snap out of it. Yeah, how the fuck I feel I feel like I need to snap out of it and move towards a direction that is just like hyper focused on myself, and I feel like when I do that, that's when things will come my way, but at the same time, I also I I would like to believe that people could show up for you the way that you would like for them to at some point, but do you want to wait, or do I want to wait for that person to show up for me the way that I really need for them to? So it's like a time thing. Like, is it worth it? Is the time that I'm going to spend waiting for this person to evolve into the person that I feel like they could be, but they may not be. So my time could potentially just be wasted. And time is like the most valuable thing that we have. So I don't know where I'm at right now. Hmm. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 4:07

I'm asking for a friend. But if a man says you deserve better, yeah. What is he saying?

SPEAKER_00 4:16

A man that I'm dating, tell me that I deserve better. Yeah. Um I feel like you can go two ways. I feel like if that person that man is an actual man and not a boy, he's going to take ownership of knowing that, and he's going to own that, and feel like he needs to step up to the plate to make sure that he's providing you that with that better. But a little boy will say that to you. Knowing that you deserve better, but they don't want to put the work in to give you better. So that's that's how I feel about it. Um what do you think?

SPEAKER_01 5:13

I worry that when a man says that it's him acknowledging that you do deserve better, but he can't do it. Cause I almost feel like if he could, he'd do better. You know, um yeah. But I do want to believe that maybe acknowledging it is the first step. Right?

SPEAKER_00 5:44

See, that's what I would like to think. Um I have a bad time, and like I a flaw of mine is giving people the benefit of the doubt. Like, that's something that like I like for people to show me again and again, again, and again, that they're pieces of shit before I just am like, wow, you're just a piece of shit. Um, and it takes me a while to actually accept that because I it's I don't want to believe it. And I feel like some men know that they're pieces of shit, and they know that you deserve more than that, but they also at the same time they don't want to lose, they don't want to lose that. Like, who wants to lose a good good person in their life? You know what I'm saying? I know I don't. I I I don't like seeing like when I have good people in my life walk out of my life, but I would say like the people that have walked out of my life, I would not say that they're the best people. I feel like they needed to exit, you know. So um I feel like I hold on to people more than I need to a lot of the time.

SPEAKER_01 7:03

Yeah, so I do the same. Yeah, I just want to make sure that's that it's good to go, though.

SPEAKER_00 7:12

Yeah, like I that's that's where I stand with it. I want to make sure that it's like I'm I'm good. I'm good off the type of person that you are. I'm good off of the the energy that you give me or the energy that you drain from me, and I alone I I no longer want any parts of you, you know? Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:35

I like, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:37

But it takes a lot for me to get to that point.

SPEAKER_01 7:40

I I would like to be a little better and I would like to be a lot better, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:45

Just to read a person like that's not for me, yeah. You know, like before I get to the point of like allowing that person so deep into my life to where like their absence is going to be missed, I wish I could automatically just be like, no, that's not for me, that's not what I want, that's not what I need, and just allow that person to skedaddle the on their merry way, yeah, exactly. Like, I would prefer that, but I haven't gotten there, and I'm I I would love to get to that position of just like having people get the move the fuck on, like get on, and I wanna I wanna be in that space where I'm okay with that as well, you know? Um I have like abandonment issues, I feel like and I feel like I have a hard time like abandoning people. Like yesterday my mother spammed me and my little sister's phone talking about how like this is her fault. That me and my sister like hold on to the people that we do, and that like we just want loyalty and love, and we give loyalty and love to people, and that's all we want in return, and that we we sit around and wait for the people to give it to us because that's what we went and like she was just like apologizing, like in this group text between me and my sister. And like, um she asked me to call her, but I feel like it just would have been too deep of a conversation at the time. I was in like a headspace that I didn't think that I needed to have that talk with her at that time. And like, I'm also very stubborn, I'm a tourist, so if I have my mind on something, I really have to get my tail set on fire to understand that, like, okay, I don't I don't want this. I'm avoiding a lot. Um I would say that I am avoiding. I don't even know how to s like what how to put it in words. I I feel like I'm I'm avoiding reality. That's what I feel like I'm avoiding because I I want to be like I don't want to be right because I know better. I don't want my tarot cards to be right because they fucking told me. I don't want my mom to be right because she told me. I don't want my sister to be right. I don't want like my sisters to be right, like I don't want Robert to be right. I don't want nobody to be fucking right. And I do not want you live in a reality, and everybody is like, nope, nope, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. And I'm just like, la la la la la la la la la la la la la. Like, like going on in my fucking Dululu head and thinking that everything's gonna be okay because that's what I want. Everything is gonna be okay, and I know either way I go, it's gonna be okay, but I want to be okay and in the happiest relationship with this person that I want it to be with. And I'm having a hard time letting go. Yeah. I'm sorry, man. I would like for you to answer the same question.

SPEAKER_01 11:57

Is there something I'm avoiding? Yeah. My mommy told me to put on my big girl panties and have a deep conversation, and I've been avoiding that.

SPEAKER_00 12:09

Yeah, you have been avoiding that. And the worst part about it is the longer that you fucking avoid it, you're just gonna look like a weird ass bitch. Yep.

SPEAKER_02 12:26

Yeah, you are girl.

SPEAKER_01 12:34

I'm just gonna bottle up my feelings, I think.

SPEAKER_00 12:37

I think that at the end of the point, because it's been some almost some weeks now, that it may be the best thing for me to do. Bring it up at a later date, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, I think that's the best thing to do. Cause I think that um that sunglass hair is bothering the shit out of me.

SPEAKER_01 13:03

Is this better? Help me. Okay, help us, sister.

SPEAKER_00 13:09

Okay, there we go. Just leave them off. Yeah. Okay. Is mine sticking? You look cute. Oh, thank you. I think you do too. Oh, thanks. No problem, Susie. So, yeah, I think uh yeah, you just better just sweep it under the rug until you're ready to shake that bitch out.

SPEAKER_01 13:28

That's what I was saying. But everyone's trying to tell me to like have this conversation, and I just don't feel like it's the right time.

SPEAKER_00 13:38

I think that it's something that you should have had like sooner. I yeah, my mom was like, you should have like just gone off. Yeah, you should have been had the conversation. You should have been gone off, you should have been put your heel in its fucking neck. You should have been did all that.

SPEAKER_01 13:54

Yeah, I don't know what happened to me. Somewhere I turned into this Labrador.

SPEAKER_00 14:00

Um I think it's um, I think you're dealing with a man that could possibly be intimidating to you, because it's probably a man that you've never like the type of man you've never dealt with before.

SPEAKER_01 14:12

I hate that. Yeah, and not me intimidated.

SPEAKER_00 14:18

I hate that for you too. But I think that you have plenty of space to intimidate this man. I think you will. Me personally. I think he's gonna enjoy. I think I think I think you are on track to get his attention.

SPEAKER_01 14:49

I don't wanna care.

SPEAKER_00 14:51

Don't give a fuck, Dan.

SPEAKER_01 14:53

Okay. Um what is something that your future self's doing that you could be doing?

SPEAKER_00 15:04

She's going to the gym every day. She um is not dealing with no broke ass niggas. Yep. None of them. She's not dealing with none of them. She's not sleeping with them, she's not spending time with them, she's not texting them. Nothing. Like nothing. Um, she has boundaries up the wazoo. Yep. She don't take shit from nobody. That those are things that I feel like I feel like I have a good way of setting boundaries for people that I don't. I have a hard time setting boundaries for men in my life. That's where the hard boundaries for me come in. But I feel like my future self, she don't give a fuck. She don't give a fuck. You so that's that's how I feel. I don't give a fuck. That's that's how she feels. You don't act right, just get get get get gone. Can't tell me nothing. Yeah. So that's that's what I think. I think oh, also I think she's but I feel like I am getting on the track of being very disciplined. I feel like I have a vision, I see where it's going, I I see where we're going, I see the work that we're putting in, the effort that we're putting in, the and all of those things, and the discipline that it's taking us to keep on doing this. And I feel like my future self is like, yes, you're getting it. So I will say that. For sure. I feel like my future self is like, this is this is all you had to do. And you should have done it a long time ago.

SPEAKER_01 16:50

Yeah. Um asking for a friend again. Or a sister. A sister? Um What do you do when you're not feeling yourself? Or like you've forgotten that you're that bitch.

SPEAKER_00 17:23

I listen to my own music. That's what I do. I listen to my own music, I listen to my own affirmations, um, and that reminds me, like, girl, you're sickening. Like you, there's there's parts of you that people don't see, there's stuff that people don't know, and I think that I forget that I'm a dope ass girl. Like, I'm I think that sometimes I allow people to, and not even I allow people, because it's not like somebody is actually doing this to me, but um I don't know always when to inflate my ego, puff my chest out to let people know, like, I'm really that bitch, like stop fucking with me. And I feel like that is something that um I remind myself when, or even just glancing down my Instagram, like that will remind me too, because I don't do that often, and I feel like when I do those things, it reminds me like bitch, you're you're sick, like you're cold, you're a cold piece of work, and I think that that's just what we have to remind ourselves. I think if we're always constantly that's why I like I think like what we did as far as like those affirmations that we did, so such an important thing, like in any woman's life, any person's life, like to record your own voice and listen to what you want and listen to how you see yourself and how you want to envision yourself and how you want to envision your life, I will be in the worst mood ever, and it'll snap me out of it. And it'll remind me like this isn't aligned with that. So do you want to keep going down the path that this isn't aligned with, or do you wanna like you know get back on track? What is your method with doing that? Because like um I feel like you have a hard time pumping up your own chest and like walking with your chest like out, and I would I would like to see that more of my sister.

SPEAKER_01 19:53

I was the friend that was asking.

SPEAKER_00 19:56

Oh well, yeah. Listen to your music and listen to your affirmations. You you put these shit in my head, not like the music part, but like the affirmations. That shit helps me out more than you fucking know, like more than you know.

SPEAKER_01 20:13

Me, like, I would just have it in my airpod, walking around the house sometimes, reminding myself on repeat the same one over and over and over and over, like listening to it, and yeah, that's I think the only time I really big at my chest is when people piss me off, and I'd like to just have a big chest all the time, not pissed off, but just like I know myself, not I don't want somebody to poke or stoke, whatever the fire to like get me raging. I just want to always like have peace in knowing that I'm that girl.

SPEAKER_00 20:56

I feel like it takes it takes for you to really like I think we really both of us really just need to not give a fuck about opinions, people's thoughts, people's perception of us, anything like that. I feel like that is something that both of us struggle with. And I think once we cross that line, it it won't matter. Like none of that will matter. I think we're we're we don't want to step on anybody's toes. We don't want to make anybody feel small, we don't want to make anybody feel less than, we don't want to make anybody feel overlooked, we want to make everybody feel comfortable and blah blah blah blah blah. We need to fuck off everybody. Everybody needs to get a fuck off. Ruffle some feathers and yeah, exactly, and be okay with it because some people are going to admire it, and some people they're gonna be like, oh my god, like She's so cringe to me. She's this, she's that. But people already feel like that, I'm sure.

SPEAKER_01 22:04

Yeah, not everyone's gonna like us.

SPEAKER_00 22:06

You know what I'm saying? Like, that's the reality of it. See that, see that.

SPEAKER_01 22:12

Do you feel like you're being your authentic self or showing up as your best self lately? Um, I'm trying to.

SPEAKER_00 22:24

Um I have a hard time like with that question morally because I feel like every day I have to conquer that mission of showing up as myself authentically. And um I have an issue being like I feel like I try to dumb myself down, like I feel I'm a type of girl that likes to wear heels all the time and do makeup and hair and all of these things, but I feel like because I'm a trans woman, when I do that, it's like, oh, that's a tranny. So I don't think I'm being 100% authentic to myself. I feel like I've done my like I've I've put myself at a certain point where it's okay for me to blend, and I've gotten very comfortable blending, and then when I stand out, that makes me uncomfortable because I've gotten so used to navigating the world by just blending, and I'm at a point where I don't really want to blend anymore, I want to take up your space. I want to take up my space, but at the same time, it's like do I really take up the space? And I don't know if it's the time or the place or the day and age for me to really do that. So I feel comfortable doing it with you home, or when I'm in like a certain setting, or if I'm out with with the gays, like even like if I go to a straight club, like I feel more comfortable wearing like flats, not too much makeup, like, or if I do wear a heel not too high, not doing too much, because then I feel like oh, that's a lot. I feel like I look like a tranny, but it could all be my head. I don't know how people perceive me. I don't know if people are looking at me in a good way or a bad way, but in my mind it's a bad way. I wish we didn't care. That's the thing, that's what I'm saying. Like, I think we just need to not care. Like, that's what it comes down to. And I I feel like we'll get to that point.

SPEAKER_01 24:57

Because I yeah, I have my own lows, like dressing up and being sexy. Like, I want to be a sexy woman. I wanna I wanna wear crazy cool things and be super fashionable, and if that's revealing or if that's form-fitting or whatever, but I also have a problem with being sex, like overly sexualized or misunderstood or hated on, or and I don't I don't want to care.

SPEAKER_00 25:29

So that's one thing that I really love about being in New York is like in living in New York, like being in New York. Like when I'm in New York, I don't I don't feel that pressure of having to blend.

SPEAKER_01 25:41

Um everyone wants to stand out.

SPEAKER_00 25:43

Yeah, everybody wants to stand out, everybody wants, and nobody's paying attention to you. Like, nobody's paying attention to you, like everybody is on their own machine. You may get like a little every blue moon, or someone may say something, every blue moon, but like for the most part, everybody is on their own accord, everybody's doing their own thing, isn't it?

SPEAKER_01 26:07

Isn't that and nothing's like God, like oh isn't that just like what it's like in general, though, people are just in their own worlds, like we think people care about us, but really they don't, yeah, they really just care about what they have going on, exactly.

SPEAKER_00 26:28

I think everything everybody cares about what I got going on. I think that's the problem. I think everybody's character energy, yeah. Like I feel like when I pull up to the stop sign or the stoplight, and there's people next to me, and I'm doing my thing, I'm like, everybody's watching me. Like the whole world, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 26:51

So what's bringing you joy lately?

SPEAKER_00 27:01

Me working with my sister, me focusing on our future, my future, um, me seeing our growth and our development, our drive. Um, my future is exciting me. That's that's what I'm is bringing me joy. Like, not like like presently, yes. Like presently, I feel like I'm in a good space. I'm in a good, like I'm on track to get where I want to be in life. I feel like I'm every the the ball is rolling, like that's just how I feel. So that's bringing me joy. Us us, and I feel like that's us pouring love into ourselves, like us getting up every single fucking, not every day, but because we, you know, but sometimes like us showing up for ourselves and what we want is bringing me so much joy. And I'm I can't tell you enough how proud of you I am and how proud of myself I am. Like I'm proud of us, like I'm proud of us, I'm proud of like what we're doing. And I feel like if people pour the amount of love and attention into detail that we poured into like what we're doing, into whatever the fuck they want to do, they're like it's just going to like catapult, and that's I feel like that's what's gonna happen with us. That I feel it, I know it. Like, and I just feel like we're on this amazing mission, and we're going to accomplish everything that we're set out to do, that we want to do, that we want to happen. Like, so that's bringing me joy because I know that like we're reaching for it and it's coming towards us at the same time. So that is like, oh, like I it's just making me like that that brings me joy. Like when I have those moments of like sadness or like doubt or whatever, that's also like I know I'm I'm I'm on the journey, I'm taking the steps to be my own dream girl. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 29:15

Project dream girl is what gets me by, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 29:18

And I I feel like we've we're working on her, we're chipping away and yeah. Like, is that so you would agree? Project dream girl is getting you back.

SPEAKER_01 29:41

Yeah, I I love that I really love that. I don't know what else. Like, don't taking the steps towards my dreams is the only thing really. Because everything else feels so mundane. Go to work, go home, go to work, go home. Yeah, but sprinkling in like the things that feel like they're getting me one step closer to who I want to be. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 30:13

I I don't know. I just I'm proud of us. I don't give a fuck if anybody else is proud of us. I'm proud of us. And that's all that matters. That's all that matters. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 30:33

Yep. I'm proud of us too. I think um I'm excited for what's to come. I know I've said that a hundred million times, but I am.

SPEAKER_00 30:43

I am too. And I I I think this is going to it's just gonna open up so many doors for us. I feel like it's going to put us in like spaces that we never thought we were going to enter. I feel like it's going to like I I just think our like we don't I I feel like this is just literally the beginning. This and this is just the beginning. Like, we're going to sit back one day, like being like, but you remember what we set up in your fucking house?

SPEAKER_02 31:16

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 31:17

And we made some shit shake.

SPEAKER_01 31:21

We did what we could with what we had. And then and we built something amazing.

SPEAKER_00 31:27

Yeah. I feel like we're gonna sit back one day and just literally like it was it was all worth it. Like the headache, the tears, the the the sleepless nights, or like, you know, us not getting sleep because we know we have shit to do, or like us pushing through. Like, I feel like it's all going to make sense.

SPEAKER_01 31:54

I think so too.

SPEAKER_00 31:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 31:56

You wanna go get a burger?

SPEAKER_00 31:58

Girl, I am fucking starving.

SPEAKER_01 32:00

Okay, let's go get a burger. All right. Um, thank you for tuning in to another episode with me and my sister.

SPEAKER_00 32:08

Yes, thank you guys. I hope you guys enjoyed this episode. Um, I really enjoyed these questions. I I feel like it's um, I kind of want to hit you with some next time. We'll see.

SPEAKER_01 32:23

All right. Um, until next time, love you long time. Don't forget to share, like, subscribe, follow, and stay tuned for our next episode.

SPEAKER_00 32:35

Stay tuned. Thank you guys so much. We appreciate you. We love you. And thank you for watching What with Sisters. Bye you guys.