WEBVTT 00:00:00.160 --> 00:00:00.400 Amen. 00:00:00.640 --> 00:00:05.440 You guys can grab a seat and you can grab your Bible and turn to Ephesians chapter 5. 00:00:05.759 --> 00:00:12.640 And as you do, this is one of the most controversial passages in Scripture that we're going to get to look at together today. 00:00:12.960 --> 00:00:18.559 There's a word that will sit funny for a lot of us, and some of us will have issues with it. 00:00:18.640 --> 00:00:20.879 But I just want to remind you that I am the messenger. 00:00:20.960 --> 00:00:21.760 I'm the mailman. 00:00:22.000 --> 00:00:23.760 I'm here to read the mail. 00:00:24.239 --> 00:00:36.079 That means that I'm not going to mince words about what God's Word says, but we're going to seek to understand God's word together as we look at this passage that talks about the beauty and the mystery of marriage. 00:00:39.280 --> 00:00:49.439 As you turn to Ephesians chapter 5, we're continuing this series that we've called Made for More because God is reminding us that we are made for more. 00:00:50.000 --> 00:00:51.920 Maybe you've wondered, who am I? 00:00:52.159 --> 00:00:53.840 Does my life really matter? 00:00:54.000 --> 00:00:55.840 And Ephesians provides an answer to that. 00:00:56.000 --> 00:00:57.280 You are made for more. 00:00:57.920 --> 00:01:00.079 More freedom, more purpose, more joy. 00:01:00.320 --> 00:01:02.079 Your life is not about you. 00:01:02.240 --> 00:01:07.120 Your life is meant to be something much greater than just you. 00:01:07.840 --> 00:01:12.239 And there's beauty and power and weight in all of that. 00:01:13.120 --> 00:01:14.640 And it also can challenge us. 00:01:14.719 --> 00:01:20.000 It can reshape every part of our lives, our identity, our relationships, our work, our worship. 00:01:20.239 --> 00:01:23.040 You were made for more, so let's live for more. 00:01:23.200 --> 00:01:31.280 And the reason that we've selected this book for us to look at is that this has been the theme for us this past year that we've been talking about. 00:01:31.359 --> 00:01:34.400 Our theme has been to grow up in maturity. 00:01:34.640 --> 00:01:49.760 For us to grow up, for us to be united with Christ as the head, for us to grow in maturity, for us to become more like Jesus, which happens as we remain connected to the head, Jesus, and his body, the church, as we're equipped to be working properly. 00:01:50.000 --> 00:01:52.239 That's why the elders selected this book. 00:01:52.400 --> 00:01:55.680 That's why the elders have said, this is what we want to focus on this year. 00:01:55.760 --> 00:02:00.079 How can we grow up in Christ and be the church that God wants us to be? 00:02:00.959 --> 00:02:05.920 Mature, presented beautifully before Jesus the Savior. 00:02:06.079 --> 00:02:18.319 And this text is going to talk about how Jesus' desire for the church is that she would be mature, that she would be without spot or blemish, that he would present her, his bride, beautifully. 00:02:18.560 --> 00:02:20.879 That's Jesus' heart for the church. 00:02:21.120 --> 00:02:24.639 And we get to see this together as we look at Ephesians together. 00:02:25.039 --> 00:02:27.039 This is a powerful letter. 00:02:27.280 --> 00:02:31.520 As we talked in Ephesians 1, it's all about who the believer is in Christ. 00:02:31.680 --> 00:02:37.280 Ephesians 2 shows us that we're called to life in verses 1 through 10. 00:02:37.360 --> 00:02:44.319 And then corporately, we're called together to this unity, that the dividing wall of hostility has been torn down in Christ Jesus. 00:02:44.560 --> 00:02:48.159 Chapter 3 has this doxological like, how awesome is God. 00:02:48.319 --> 00:02:55.199 If you could only understand the hype, the width, the breadth, the depth of his love for you, it would change everything. 00:02:56.319 --> 00:03:05.360 And then chapter 4, he encouraged us to walk in this unity, especially in light of who we are, in light of being believers united together in one body. 00:03:06.159 --> 00:03:09.680 Today, our text, our focus is going to be on God's design for marriage. 00:03:09.840 --> 00:03:14.479 Your marriage is made for more than just your happiness, but rather your holiness. 00:03:14.719 --> 00:03:17.039 It's not a checklist for what's wrong in your marriage. 00:03:17.120 --> 00:03:20.159 It's God's design for what a healthy marriage should look like. 00:03:20.319 --> 00:03:24.479 It should be a picture of the love that Christ has for his church. 00:03:24.960 --> 00:03:37.120 And the main reason that Christian husbands should love their wives and Christian wives should respect their husbands is that God designed marriage to demonstrate Jesus' steadfast love for his bride, the church. 00:03:37.439 --> 00:03:39.840 But some of us, we resist this for a couple of reasons. 00:03:40.000 --> 00:03:41.840 One, we don't want to be anybody's doormat. 00:03:42.639 --> 00:03:46.159 We have this fear of being used or reduced to a role. 00:03:46.479 --> 00:03:50.240 We often find ourselves looking out for number one or for ourselves. 00:03:50.479 --> 00:03:56.479 And so it's hard for us to experience the unity and joy that God has for us in marriage. 00:03:57.120 --> 00:04:03.680 Or three, culture's version is perceived to be easier than God's if it's all about being happier. 00:04:04.319 --> 00:04:09.199 But your God's design for your marriage was never that you be happy, but rather that you be holy. 00:04:09.520 --> 00:04:16.720 And he would produce some happiness and some joy and good things through your marriage, but the purpose of your marriage is not your happiness. 00:04:17.040 --> 00:04:18.639 It's your holiness. 00:04:19.199 --> 00:04:27.439 And so as we look at Ephesians chapter 5, we're going to go all the way back to verse 1 first, and let's look at verses 1 and 2 real real fast. 00:04:29.199 --> 00:04:40.399 Therefore, be imitators of God, as beloved children, and walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. 00:04:40.720 --> 00:04:44.079 It doesn't say fall in love, but it says walk in love. 00:04:45.600 --> 00:04:46.800 It's not a choice. 00:04:46.959 --> 00:04:51.120 It's not, it love is a choice, it's not a fleeting emotion that comes and goes. 00:04:51.360 --> 00:04:54.560 We should all love the body of Christ as Christ loves. 00:04:54.720 --> 00:04:59.199 So the way that we interact within the body is that we are different parts of the body. 00:04:59.279 --> 00:05:02.079 We're united with the rest of the body, and Jesus is the head. 00:05:02.240 --> 00:05:14.720 So we're all working together to grow up in love, as we talked about in Ephesians chapter 4, but we're walking in that love, appreciating differences, not calling for uniformity, but calling for unity. 00:05:14.959 --> 00:05:20.879 Recognizing that those different body parts with different functions are beautiful, and we can walk in this love. 00:05:21.040 --> 00:05:21.920 Why do we love? 00:05:22.079 --> 00:05:24.240 Because Christ loved us and gave himself up for us. 00:05:24.399 --> 00:05:27.040 How can we be united to an imperfect body? 00:05:27.279 --> 00:05:29.839 Because Christ loved us and gave himself up for us. 00:05:30.079 --> 00:05:36.720 This the gospel produces our heart change that's needed for us to be united in humility in Christ. 00:05:37.360 --> 00:05:51.839 And we've been talking about this for the past few weeks, so some of this might be a little bit of review, but it's good for us to be reminded of the truth that first we're called to walk in love as Christ loves, sacrificially enduring with one another, being patient with one another. 00:05:52.160 --> 00:05:56.959 And then in verse 15, he says, Look carefully then how you walk. 00:05:57.199 --> 00:05:59.519 He's talking again about how you live, how you walk. 00:05:59.600 --> 00:06:02.160 And there's this picture of us walking together. 00:06:02.480 --> 00:06:08.720 And then there's this major command to be filled with the Spirit, not drunk with wine, but filled with the Spirit. 00:06:08.959 --> 00:06:20.240 And then there's this verse 21, which is the beginning of our passage together today, submitting to one another out of reverence to Christ, out of reverence for Christ. 00:06:21.360 --> 00:06:26.879 Christians are to walk in love, in mutual submission with one another, in the fear of Christ. 00:06:26.959 --> 00:06:37.759 And I know that's a lot of uh weight in that first verse, but we walk in love by the Spirit, in mutual submission with one another, in the fear of Christ. 00:06:38.000 --> 00:06:42.720 Now there are hierarchical structures within the body of Christ. 00:06:42.800 --> 00:06:57.439 It's as we're gonna see in the passage that we look at today, there's a husband and a wife, there are children and parents, there are slaves and masters that are gonna be discussed, these three different groups or pairs that are discussed together. 00:06:57.600 --> 00:07:14.399 And he's saying, before we get to those groups and how a husband is to love the wife, how parents are to love children, how owners are to masters are to direct, love, care for servants. 00:07:14.560 --> 00:07:28.079 Let's talk about, let's look at this picture of how we should all be walking in mutual submission, how we should all be walking in love in the fear of Christ, how we are to experience this spirit-filled life. 00:07:28.160 --> 00:07:33.439 This is how we can thrive in community, this is how we can experience supernatural unity together. 00:07:33.839 --> 00:07:35.759 This is how we walk in love. 00:07:36.160 --> 00:07:38.879 We submit to one another in the fear of Christ. 00:07:39.040 --> 00:07:42.079 This is a reminder that we need each other. 00:07:42.639 --> 00:07:48.560 We also need uh to speak God's perspective to one another so that we become full of spiritual things. 00:07:48.720 --> 00:07:54.720 We need to worship and give thanks to God regularly, being subject to one another, not just on Sundays. 00:07:54.879 --> 00:08:03.600 Like we're called to this unity and this picture of we need each other, which means that as we have needs, we can step up and meet each other's needs together. 00:08:03.759 --> 00:08:06.079 We can walk in love together. 00:08:07.600 --> 00:08:19.839 These are coming after he's exhorted his uh the believers to be filled with the Spirit, to submit to one another in Christ, and he's calling all believers to do so out of this fear of Christ, out of this reverence to Christ. 00:08:20.079 --> 00:08:29.120 Because I fear Jesus, because I'm connected to him, I have this awe and worship to Jesus, I'm willing to walk in love with the family of God. 00:08:29.360 --> 00:08:33.919 Which is why we say you can't just be a Christian and say, I love Jesus, but I hate the church. 00:08:34.000 --> 00:08:35.759 I'm not going to be a part of any church or anybody. 00:08:35.840 --> 00:08:37.600 I don't want anybody to tell me what to do. 00:08:37.840 --> 00:08:43.519 This is why uh church membership will be important, saying, hey, this is who you, the body of Christ that you belong to. 00:08:43.679 --> 00:08:44.559 Come and be a part of it. 00:08:44.639 --> 00:08:48.159 Come and sign up and say, let's share life. 00:08:48.320 --> 00:08:50.480 Let's make it official as we can. 00:08:50.639 --> 00:08:53.759 Let's let's do this and let's walk through life together. 00:08:54.080 --> 00:08:57.440 This is only capable for those who are filled with the Holy Spirit. 00:08:57.600 --> 00:09:11.360 As we look at these different designs, these different groupings of a husband and a wife, of parents and children, of slaves and masters, we need the Holy Spirit to empower us so that we can love one another properly. 00:09:12.240 --> 00:09:21.759 As we look at the verses 22 through 33, this is where a lot of us have to see that it's much bigger than just you and your spouse. 00:09:21.840 --> 00:09:24.240 It's God's cosmic plan for marriage. 00:09:24.399 --> 00:09:25.679 And there's these three sections. 00:09:34.159 --> 00:09:39.440 And then 31 through 33 is just a reminder of those responsibilities. 00:09:42.159 --> 00:09:50.240 As we look at the biblical purpose of family, it's acknowledged within a marriage that a household can be organized according to God's structure. 00:09:50.399 --> 00:09:55.440 Paul's telling the Ephesians that God works through the institution of marriage based on the structure he designed. 00:09:55.600 --> 00:10:00.879 If the husband and wife are out of alignment with that, God's blessings will not flow, his kingdom will not advance. 00:10:00.960 --> 00:10:06.720 So it's this urging to be aligned properly in the way that God would have us be aligned. 00:10:06.960 --> 00:10:12.399 And so I'm going to have a stand for the reading of God's word, but I'm just going to have a stand for the reading of verses 31 through 33. 00:10:12.639 --> 00:10:16.799 We'll look at the end where he gives a summary, and then we'll go back and we'll unpack some of those things. 00:10:16.960 --> 00:10:19.840 So if you would stand up for the reading of God's word. 00:10:22.320 --> 00:10:24.480 These are God's words, not mine. 00:10:25.840 --> 00:10:33.440 Therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother, and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. 00:10:33.759 --> 00:10:38.000 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 00:10:38.159 --> 00:10:45.120 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. 00:10:45.279 --> 00:10:46.639 This is the word of God. 00:10:47.759 --> 00:10:49.200 Thanks be to God. 00:10:51.360 --> 00:10:57.679 In these first three verses, which are the last three verses of this passage, I want to just give you the point right now. 00:10:57.840 --> 00:11:02.240 God's design for marriage is to show the world Christ's love for the church. 00:11:02.639 --> 00:11:06.960 It's much bigger than just, am I happy in this marriage? 00:11:07.279 --> 00:11:14.559 It's showing the way that Christ loves the church is on display through the way that a husband is to love his wife. 00:11:14.960 --> 00:11:31.679 Like when a husband is submitted to Jesus, living for Jesus, he's able to love and care for and serve and sacrifice and look out for the well-being of his wife, love her as he loves himself, because they are, after all, one flesh. 00:11:31.919 --> 00:11:34.080 They're united together. 00:11:34.720 --> 00:11:37.120 This is God's design for marriage. 00:11:40.080 --> 00:11:44.399 And his design for marriage is to show the world that kind of sacrificial love. 00:11:45.440 --> 00:11:47.120 And the wife is to do what? 00:11:47.279 --> 00:11:49.919 To see that she respects her husband. 00:11:50.399 --> 00:12:04.159 And this is his picture of submission, of looking to her husband as the head and saying, As you live a life surrendered to Jesus, submitted to Jesus, I am following you. 00:12:04.399 --> 00:12:15.039 And I trust you to look out for my well-being, to see flourishing and thriving under God's rule, because God has given you as my husband. 00:12:16.000 --> 00:12:21.440 Does this mean that there's this blind submission, this blind following? 00:12:21.759 --> 00:12:24.960 We'll flesh this out together as we look at this text. 00:12:25.200 --> 00:12:27.919 We'll wrestle with the difficulties of this text. 00:12:28.000 --> 00:12:41.600 That this text used in a way that isn't loving, could be seen as like this authoritarian, chauvinistic, disgusting way to rule over women, but that's not what God designed it for. 00:12:41.759 --> 00:12:43.600 That's not why God gave us his word. 00:12:44.159 --> 00:12:56.000 And if God's word is misused, that doesn't mean that we should divert away from what God intended his word to do, to instruct us, to call us into love and unity and thriving. 00:12:57.679 --> 00:13:02.399 Verse 31 says, Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife. 00:13:02.559 --> 00:13:07.039 The two shall become one flesh, a man and a wife, one man, one woman. 00:13:07.200 --> 00:13:11.679 He'll leave his parents, his father, and his mother, and they will become one flesh. 00:13:11.919 --> 00:13:12.879 They'll hold fast. 00:13:12.960 --> 00:13:15.759 There's under compulsion, daily felt obligation. 00:13:15.840 --> 00:13:16.799 It's not passive. 00:13:16.960 --> 00:13:21.519 There's one flesh, this one flesh functionality that they depend on one another. 00:13:21.600 --> 00:13:22.720 When she hurts, I hurt. 00:13:22.799 --> 00:13:24.799 When I struggle, she feels it. 00:13:24.960 --> 00:13:28.720 It's not just physical, but it's spiritual, emotional, mental. 00:13:29.360 --> 00:13:31.360 And there's this direct challenge to husbands. 00:13:31.440 --> 00:13:36.240 If you're not right with God spiritually, then you're not going to be right with your wife. 00:13:36.320 --> 00:13:38.399 Your wife will feel that gap. 00:13:38.799 --> 00:13:42.080 Christ died to devote his church to himself permanently. 00:13:42.320 --> 00:13:47.360 And marriage is meant to be permanent, image-bearing solution, not a conditional arrangement. 00:13:47.759 --> 00:13:58.000 He's pointing back to creation in Genesis 2.24 as he says, Therefore a fa a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. 00:13:58.240 --> 00:14:04.080 He's created husbands to lead and wives to respond to that leadership, to yield to that leadership. 00:14:04.320 --> 00:14:09.120 Like you can't have two heads that are equal heads, that's a monster, right? 00:14:09.360 --> 00:14:18.240 But rather you have the head leading the wife, and the husband leaves his father and mother and joins to his wife. 00:14:18.559 --> 00:14:21.679 The man has to be the initiator, the one who moves first. 00:14:21.919 --> 00:14:32.559 And when a woman sees her man initiating, owning responsibility, treating her as special, sacrificing for her well-being, she's apt to respond with this respect. 00:14:33.200 --> 00:14:43.200 But the the key to this text and the key to interpreting this right is not to get out the elbow jabs, right, with your partner next to you, but rather to say, let me focus on what part is for me. 00:14:43.360 --> 00:14:46.000 What is God instructing me to do through his word here? 00:14:46.159 --> 00:14:49.200 What is God instructing me to do in response to his word? 00:14:49.679 --> 00:14:54.639 Because there's this beautiful, profound mystery that refers to Christ and the church. 00:14:54.799 --> 00:15:01.919 And it says, However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. 00:15:02.240 --> 00:15:06.399 This mystery, it's to imitate or emulate Christ's relationship with the church. 00:15:06.639 --> 00:15:10.639 Like last week, Joey was talking about this model for us to show the world. 00:15:10.879 --> 00:15:19.519 It's the same idea of us showing the world a model of love and care through the way a husband loves a wife is the way that Christ loves the church. 00:15:21.360 --> 00:15:29.279 And often we see that model and we say, man, it's it's broken, it's it's marred, it's not quite what we would hope it would be. 00:15:29.600 --> 00:15:32.240 Like we fall short of the standard. 00:15:34.000 --> 00:15:44.960 But he's called us to this beautiful picture to show the world, to put on display his glory of even more than I can possibly love my wife, is the way that Jesus loves his church. 00:15:45.200 --> 00:15:47.120 And gave himself up for her. 00:15:47.440 --> 00:15:48.320 Far more. 00:15:48.720 --> 00:15:50.159 The mysteries profound. 00:15:50.320 --> 00:15:57.039 Christ in the church, he intends marriage to model that love for Christ in the church in response to the church to Christ. 00:15:57.679 --> 00:15:59.120 For the world to see. 00:15:59.360 --> 00:16:04.799 Like the way that my marriage should operate is it should be a mirror to the world of how Jesus loves the church. 00:16:04.879 --> 00:16:08.720 And the sacredness of the church should be wed to the sacredness of marriage. 00:16:08.879 --> 00:16:10.320 There's weight to that. 00:16:11.120 --> 00:16:16.080 Because when I'm out of alignment with Katie, I'm misrepresenting Christ in the church. 00:16:16.799 --> 00:16:21.919 And there's these two commands in one sentence: husbands are to love, wives are to respect. 00:16:22.240 --> 00:16:28.799 Love should be unconditional, agape love, no strings attached, given even when it's not received or reciprocated. 00:16:29.039 --> 00:16:32.799 And God is gracious to enable what he commands us to do. 00:16:32.960 --> 00:16:40.159 He's gracious to allow us to be able to live out these commands, even though they seem like the standard is impossible. 00:16:42.799 --> 00:16:46.639 He's going to supply the strength for us to do what seems impossible. 00:16:46.720 --> 00:16:53.200 But we can't turn this into a checklist or a scorecard and saying, Well, if you won't do this, then I won't do this. 00:16:53.360 --> 00:16:55.679 It's a description of a harmonious marriage. 00:16:55.759 --> 00:16:59.679 It's not meant to be ammunition for a tit for tat cycle. 00:17:01.759 --> 00:17:03.440 What is the mystery? 00:17:04.240 --> 00:17:18.000 That we could never discover that Jesus was the bridegroom and the church was the bride, that marriage all along had been set forth to reveal this beauty of Christ's love for his church, that marriage is sacred in the relationship between Jesus and his church. 00:17:18.240 --> 00:17:25.119 And the virtues of Christian marriage, purity, self-sacrifice, love, and yielding reflect the relationship of Christ and his church. 00:17:25.359 --> 00:17:28.240 This is the motivation Paul uses to launch into his plea. 00:17:28.480 --> 00:17:30.240 Men, love your wives. 00:17:30.480 --> 00:17:37.200 So the basics of these responsibilities, husbands, love your wife as Christ as you love yourself. 00:17:37.359 --> 00:17:41.200 And two, wives respect your husbands. 00:17:42.160 --> 00:17:45.599 We're called to love our wives as we love ourselves. 00:17:45.759 --> 00:17:48.400 And the idea is that you love yourself well. 00:17:48.480 --> 00:17:50.240 You make sure that you're taken care of. 00:17:50.559 --> 00:17:53.759 In the same way you make sure your wife is taken care of. 00:17:57.519 --> 00:18:01.279 God's design for marriage is to show the world Christ's love for the church. 00:18:01.440 --> 00:18:04.400 Now we're going to look at the beginning of the text together, verse 22. 00:18:04.640 --> 00:18:12.960 And as we do, this is the part that uh is one of the more controversial parts based on this one word. 00:18:13.200 --> 00:18:16.000 And I'll let you guys see if you can guess it. 00:18:16.799 --> 00:18:21.599 Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. 00:18:21.839 --> 00:18:28.880 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its savior. 00:18:29.119 --> 00:18:35.119 Now, as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. 00:18:39.279 --> 00:18:40.480 Anybody know the word? 00:18:43.119 --> 00:18:43.839 Submit. 00:18:44.319 --> 00:18:48.240 Wives submit to their husbands as the church submits to Christ. 00:18:51.119 --> 00:18:55.839 Wives are to submit to their husbands as Christ as the church submits to Christ. 00:18:57.519 --> 00:19:04.720 And you might be saying, well, didn't it just say this thing about mutual submission that like we should all be submitted to one another in love? 00:19:04.960 --> 00:19:05.599 Yes. 00:19:06.319 --> 00:19:15.200 And then he's also giving these pairs of groups where there is this hierarchy, this difference, this separation. 00:19:15.440 --> 00:19:21.440 And it's a separation in rank, not in value. 00:19:22.240 --> 00:19:23.200 This is key. 00:19:23.440 --> 00:19:28.480 The separation is in rank, not in value. 00:19:29.200 --> 00:19:38.960 There's value for each role equally, but there's a difference of saying, men, you are to be the head and you are to represent Christ. 00:19:39.279 --> 00:19:46.799 Women, you are to be in submission to your husbands, as they're in submission to Christ. 00:19:46.960 --> 00:19:56.240 There's this picture of when the husband is submitted to Christ, it should be easy for the wife to follow that type of leadership, that type of love. 00:19:56.400 --> 00:20:10.160 When the husband's doing their part, it should be easy for the wife to thrive in their part, of saying, okay, I don't necessarily understand all this, but I can see that you're trying to lead in the way that you're being led. 00:20:10.960 --> 00:20:22.799 There are some mysterious aspects of husbands that can serve and submit as they govern and lead, but the hierarchical structure does not make it impossible for yielding to one another in love either. 00:20:23.039 --> 00:20:28.720 When there is no hierarchical structure, Christians are to submit to one another in love. 00:20:29.039 --> 00:20:39.759 When there is one, we seek the best for one another in Christ, but we are to submit to or to try to fall in line with the roles that God describes for us as well. 00:20:40.079 --> 00:20:47.119 So an example of this, how do we submit to one another in love, but also uh live in a way that would fulfill this? 00:20:47.279 --> 00:20:56.160 So Katie loves uh budgeting, she loves finance, she's like Dave Ramsey's daughter, uh, unofficially, uh stepdaughter, maybe something. 00:20:56.240 --> 00:21:00.480 Uh she's been basically a disciple of Dave for quite some time. 00:21:00.640 --> 00:21:14.880 And so she wants to know what's happening with our finances, she wants to know what's happening with our budget, she has questions, she has ideas, she has dreams for our budget that far surpass my interest in and ability to manage our finances. 00:21:15.039 --> 00:21:22.559 And so if I'm to lead Katie and love Katie well, uh, it would be foolish for me to say, no, this is my job. 00:21:22.640 --> 00:21:26.799 I've I'm I should be leading, I should be doing this, let me take care of this. 00:21:27.119 --> 00:21:32.319 But rather, because it's her passion area, I say, yes, you run with this. 00:21:32.559 --> 00:21:37.279 Like organize our budget, execute our budget, handle our finances. 00:21:37.440 --> 00:21:43.759 Like if I had to pay our water bill, I'm not sure that I could. 00:21:44.319 --> 00:21:46.880 And that sounds that might sound crazy. 00:21:47.039 --> 00:21:50.319 Uh I don't see that I don't see the bill come in the mail. 00:21:50.400 --> 00:21:58.880 Uh, I know when it's paid because I can see that in our account, but I I don't I know there's a place that she goes to drop off a check because it saves us a few dollars. 00:21:59.039 --> 00:21:59.759 I don't know where that. 00:22:00.160 --> 00:22:00.559 Places. 00:22:00.880 --> 00:22:02.720 I'm sure I could figure it out. 00:22:04.400 --> 00:22:08.880 But we talk about budget changes as they happen. 00:22:09.039 --> 00:22:33.279 We talk about uh and we talk about our goals, we talk about uh our budget, we talk about what it's set at, we talk about how much we're giving, um, and then we have like this is what we're the play that we're running, and if we need to make a change, uh we discuss that change and we talk about that change, and we we try to have somewhat regular meetings about like, okay, where's our what's happening in our budget? 00:22:33.440 --> 00:22:36.640 But sometimes that's just happening as a major change is happening instead. 00:22:36.799 --> 00:22:47.759 And so because I'm not gifted or passionate there, I'm still I'm still not willing to say, well, let me just become completely passive here and just punt the whole thing to Katie. 00:22:47.839 --> 00:22:53.920 But rather we say, okay, let's talk about our goals, let's set these priorities together, and then we'll run that play. 00:22:54.960 --> 00:23:08.880 And so if I want to seek to cherish her and lay down myself, my pride to serve her and give her what she needs, financial security, then I'm willing to say, yes, let's run it this way, let's have the play go this way. 00:23:10.559 --> 00:23:25.359 And there's a there's a place where if we were to disagree on our finances, then she would yield to my decision, but that's happened like less than two times in our marriage up to this point. 00:23:25.519 --> 00:23:30.640 The Lord tends to lead us to the same place with a large financial decision before we make that decision. 00:23:30.799 --> 00:23:32.240 Does that make sense? 00:23:34.480 --> 00:23:43.519 So if we were to disagree, Katie would yield to that, but typically the Lord brings us to the same place before there's anything like that needed. 00:23:43.759 --> 00:23:46.000 So this text says, wives, submit to your husband. 00:23:46.079 --> 00:23:47.119 We can put the text back up. 00:23:47.279 --> 00:23:49.519 Wives submit to your husband as to the Lord. 00:23:49.759 --> 00:23:56.880 Wives are called to submit, to voluntarily place themselves beneath, underneath the legitimate authority of their husbands. 00:23:57.039 --> 00:24:00.160 This sounds like a difficult command, but we have to keep two things in mind. 00:24:00.319 --> 00:24:04.720 One, it's not talking about a distinction in value or personhood. 00:24:05.039 --> 00:24:10.400 God the Son is equal in essence to God the Father, but he's subordinate to him in function. 00:24:11.039 --> 00:24:22.480 Likewise, a wife is equal to her husband in both being made in God's image, but God has created the wife to function in a significant but subordinate role in the marriage. 00:24:23.200 --> 00:24:28.480 Second, a wife's submission to her husband is not an absolute, it is as to the Lord. 00:24:29.440 --> 00:24:31.680 The husband's authority has limitations, then. 00:24:31.759 --> 00:24:35.279 He cannot ask his wife to submit to anything outside of God's will. 00:24:36.079 --> 00:24:38.480 The wife submits within boundaries. 00:24:38.640 --> 00:24:40.640 It's not submit blindly. 00:24:40.799 --> 00:24:49.599 It's as you're following Jesus without being led into sin, do your best to submit to or yield to your husband. 00:24:49.839 --> 00:24:56.960 This doesn't mean that you can't question or have deep conversations about decisions that are being made and understand the reasonings why. 00:24:57.119 --> 00:25:01.039 There should be a place for that, those conversations to happen. 00:25:01.279 --> 00:25:06.400 If that's not happening, that's not the submission that the scripture is talking about here. 00:25:06.880 --> 00:25:08.720 That's crossing a line. 00:25:09.039 --> 00:25:13.119 You can lovingly walk through these decisions together. 00:25:14.160 --> 00:25:16.799 What's the manner of the submission as to the Lord? 00:25:16.960 --> 00:25:23.200 Christian wives are called to willingly order themselves under their husbands as they would to the Lord. 00:25:25.440 --> 00:25:29.759 The responsibility of the wives is to submit to their husbands. 00:25:29.920 --> 00:25:33.440 This is one of the most scrutinized passages in Scripture. 00:25:33.599 --> 00:25:41.119 Feminists have even called this section not inspired because Paul's writing was from a place of chauvinism rather than the Holy Spirit revelation from God. 00:25:41.279 --> 00:25:49.599 The idea of submission is in general opposed to our American ideals of permissiveness and freedom touted by our culture today. 00:25:49.839 --> 00:25:53.599 But he's saying, hey, if you want to thrive, let me give you a model. 00:25:53.920 --> 00:26:01.599 This picture of submit to your husband as they're submitted to Christ, as the church is submitted to Christ. 00:26:02.319 --> 00:26:04.880 Not to every man, but to their own husband. 00:26:05.039 --> 00:26:07.039 This isn't women submit to every man. 00:26:07.119 --> 00:26:08.960 That's not a biblical ideal. 00:26:09.200 --> 00:26:11.519 It's to your own husband. 00:26:12.640 --> 00:26:14.400 What's the manner of submission? 00:26:14.480 --> 00:26:16.079 It's as to the Lord. 00:26:16.559 --> 00:26:22.160 They should willingly order themselves under their husband in authority, not inherent value. 00:26:22.559 --> 00:26:24.880 In the same way they submit to the Lord. 00:26:26.000 --> 00:26:30.960 As the church submits to Christ, so also wives submit to their husbands in everything. 00:26:32.319 --> 00:26:34.079 Christ is the head of the church. 00:26:34.319 --> 00:26:41.039 This doesn't mean a wife can't disagree with her spouse, but it means that God has placed husbands in a position that it should be honored. 00:26:41.119 --> 00:26:46.160 And a kingdom wife should respect her husband even when expressing disagreement. 00:26:48.400 --> 00:26:53.759 Because God has ordered it this way, that the husband would be the head. 00:26:55.279 --> 00:27:02.000 The motivation for Christian wives to joyfully yield to their husband is that the husband is the head of their marriage, as Christ is that of the church. 00:27:02.160 --> 00:27:05.200 This should paint a picture of what perfect headship should look like. 00:27:05.279 --> 00:27:11.359 I know that I am most full of joy when I'm most fully surrendered to Jesus, when I'm most fully submitted to him. 00:27:11.759 --> 00:27:18.640 Because on my own I'm going to make poor decisions, but when I'm surrendered to him, when I'm submitted to him, I'm full of life, I'm full of joy. 00:27:18.799 --> 00:27:21.039 It's like his way is better. 00:27:21.200 --> 00:27:25.680 And I get to enjoy his better design as I yield to him. 00:27:30.000 --> 00:27:39.039 So in light of God appointing husbands as the head, Christ is the head of the church, and the church perfectly placing herself under the authority of Christ, wives should also submit to their husband. 00:27:39.200 --> 00:27:43.440 This looks like acknowledging leadership and supporting their husband in everything. 00:27:43.599 --> 00:27:46.960 Some of us might say, well, in everything, that sounds crazy. 00:27:47.359 --> 00:28:03.599 But he's saying, no, in perfect submission to, we should be submitted to, wife should be submitted to the husband as they lead to thriving under the order of God's rule. 00:28:03.759 --> 00:28:05.200 Does that make sense? 00:28:07.359 --> 00:28:10.160 So how should the husband lead the wife? 00:28:11.200 --> 00:28:13.839 And why is this why is this so difficult to us? 00:28:14.480 --> 00:28:28.960 First, before we move into how the husband should lead, very clearly we we have to say as long as the husband is not leading the wife into sin, then yes, that should be the way that they submit to their husbands. 00:28:29.279 --> 00:28:34.720 Two, uh, the wife should not subject herself to abuse by her husband either. 00:28:34.880 --> 00:28:38.480 In case of abuse, the wife should seek help. 00:28:38.720 --> 00:28:49.039 This is not, you it's not subject yourself to your husband even if you're being abused, even if uh there's adultery, there are there are outs biblically that scripture gives us as well. 00:28:49.119 --> 00:28:51.039 And we have to be really clear about that. 00:28:51.839 --> 00:28:56.799 Because uh God has given us those provisions for a reason. 00:28:57.119 --> 00:29:11.440 He doesn't want us to be stuck in abusive situations that are uh blasphemous if the husband is meant to reflect Christ, then how heinous is that uh for their abuse or adultery. 00:29:15.920 --> 00:29:23.519 But in the ordinary situation, wives are to submit their hus to their husbands as the church submits to Christ. 00:29:23.680 --> 00:29:25.839 And this is hard for us because of the fall. 00:29:26.000 --> 00:29:30.319 In Genesis 3:16, uh the curse that Eve hears is what? 00:29:30.559 --> 00:29:34.160 Your desire shall be for your husband and he shall rule over you. 00:29:34.400 --> 00:29:39.279 This this word, your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you. 00:29:39.440 --> 00:29:40.240 What's that desire? 00:29:40.319 --> 00:29:46.000 It's the desire to take the reins, it's a desire to rule, it's a desire to be the leader. 00:29:46.240 --> 00:29:48.640 And he's saying, But your husband will rule over you. 00:29:48.799 --> 00:29:58.880 This is the curse of sin, and it's important for us to see it there because that rule, that desire to rule over your husband, it's introduced here after the fall. 00:29:59.119 --> 00:30:03.920 And so it's something that we can seek to be uh recovered after that. 00:30:04.400 --> 00:30:09.680 As we call it out into the light, we can name it and remove shame and make it fightable. 00:30:10.240 --> 00:30:19.039 So the results, wives submitting everything, not conditional, not based on the husband doing his job well, because if we wait until the husband does his job well enough, you'll never get there. 00:30:19.119 --> 00:30:22.880 You'll never get to a place of wanting to joyfully submit. 00:30:23.839 --> 00:30:35.440 But it's placing yourself under the husband to say, okay, I want to fulfill God's design for my marriage, not as a lesser, but as positioned in this order, because God wants us to have order in our marriage. 00:30:36.079 --> 00:30:39.279 There's a purpose in this covering and in this order here. 00:30:39.519 --> 00:30:43.519 And then some of you might be saying, James, this is really hard, a really hard text. 00:30:43.680 --> 00:30:44.960 I have to submit. 00:30:45.119 --> 00:30:51.359 Well, it's it's hard for wives, I will acknowledge that, but I would say that the husband's part is harder. 00:30:51.599 --> 00:30:59.920 Because we're to love as Christ loved the church, which means sacrificially, giving of ourselves, giving of everything, even to the point of death. 00:31:00.559 --> 00:31:12.960 And so if the husbands are leading their wives to a place of thriving, that will come at their own expense, that will come in a way that they are willing to lay down everything for their wives to thrive. 00:31:13.119 --> 00:31:15.599 And we'll see that in verses twenty-five through twenty-seven. 00:31:16.079 --> 00:31:17.359 Husbands are to love. 00:31:17.519 --> 00:31:18.480 Verse 25. 00:31:20.000 --> 00:31:37.759 Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 00:31:38.480 --> 00:31:43.200 Husbands sacrificially love their wives as Christ loves the church. 00:31:46.960 --> 00:31:51.519 Husbands are to sacrificially love their wives as Christ loved the church. 00:31:57.119 --> 00:32:03.119 And when this is being done properly, it makes the women's part much easier to live in. 00:32:03.599 --> 00:32:11.680 The result of husbands following Jesus, living submitted to Jesus, living in a way that's sacrificial for their wives to see them thriving. 00:32:11.920 --> 00:32:21.599 Like I will give up for my own self so that you can flourish, because that's the way that Jesus loves his church. 00:32:24.240 --> 00:32:28.480 It shifts from this responsibility of the wives to the responsibility of the husbands. 00:32:28.720 --> 00:32:34.960 And one might expect an over-emphasis on being heavy-handed, good, strong leaders. 00:32:35.119 --> 00:32:38.400 Uh, but it's quite the opposite. 00:32:38.559 --> 00:32:47.599 It's saying, if as God, it's as if God knew what the other person in marriage needed to be further conformed to the image of Christ and exhorted those things. 00:32:47.920 --> 00:32:52.319 Love is the responsibility of the husband. 00:32:54.000 --> 00:32:59.039 He should love sacrificially as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. 00:32:59.279 --> 00:33:04.400 Taking on burdens, sacrificing, suffering, to make sure that your wife is taken care of. 00:33:04.880 --> 00:33:09.519 He says, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. 00:33:10.559 --> 00:33:14.000 This doesn't mean play dictator and tell everyone what to do. 00:33:14.240 --> 00:33:21.359 No, it means look out for the good of your wife and love sacrificially, the way that Jesus loved. 00:33:23.839 --> 00:33:28.640 Biblical headship means being a responsible, governing authority. 00:33:28.799 --> 00:33:33.839 The husband is responsible for leading his family in the advancement of God's kingdom in the context of love. 00:33:34.079 --> 00:33:39.519 Biblical love compassionately, righteously, and sacrificially pursues the well-being of another. 00:33:39.759 --> 00:33:43.279 Husbands are to love according to Christ's standard. 00:33:43.440 --> 00:33:45.920 It's like love your wife to death. 00:33:47.279 --> 00:33:49.440 Love came in the shape of a cross. 00:33:49.759 --> 00:33:58.079 So a husband is to sacrifice for his wife, to be her deliverer, protector, provider, pay the price for her well-being. 00:33:59.279 --> 00:34:02.000 This pattern of self-giving love. 00:34:02.960 --> 00:34:04.799 It's a beautiful picture. 00:34:07.119 --> 00:34:11.840 He's saying, hey, listen, you love your wives the way that Jesus loved the church. 00:34:12.000 --> 00:34:14.239 Give yourself up for your wife. 00:34:15.920 --> 00:34:20.400 Give yourself up to the point of like, I'm going to serve my family. 00:34:20.559 --> 00:34:22.239 I'm going to look out for their flourishing. 00:34:22.320 --> 00:34:35.519 I'm going to look out for their well-being, even when you're going to sleep dog tired, you're waking up before you thought you could, to make sure that you're taking care of everything that you need to to manage your household. 00:34:38.159 --> 00:34:40.480 Where does this metaphor start and stop? 00:34:40.639 --> 00:34:45.519 Jesus gives us a perfect example to follow, literally dying to set apart a people for himself. 00:34:45.840 --> 00:34:47.280 How far does that go? 00:34:47.599 --> 00:34:51.920 I know that when I love my wife well, she starts to be more like Jesus. 00:34:53.119 --> 00:34:56.320 But true or untrue, that's definitely not what this passage is arguing for. 00:34:56.480 --> 00:34:59.920 How can we follow Jesus' example of taking the function of what he did? 00:35:00.320 --> 00:35:03.440 He's the one who's going to sanctify my bride, not me. 00:35:04.719 --> 00:35:09.760 He is the one who would become sin on our behalf, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God. 00:35:09.920 --> 00:35:12.000 Like there's a there's obviously a difference there. 00:35:12.159 --> 00:35:15.760 Somewhere Jesus does more than we can possibly do, right? 00:35:21.840 --> 00:35:31.920 We show this love, the self-sacrificing, the self-giving as a picture that's not a complete picture, but it should be reflection of Christ. 00:35:32.159 --> 00:35:42.239 And even if it's a poor reflection of Christ, we strive to do as best as we possibly can to reflect that love that Christ has for his church. 00:35:44.719 --> 00:35:50.800 Jesus gave himself up, he would lay his life down so that his bride might become holy and blameless. 00:35:51.119 --> 00:35:58.000 He says, Give me your spots, give me your wrinkles, give me everything that's keeping you from experiencing the glory of God. 00:35:58.159 --> 00:36:02.239 I'll take that, put that on me, and let me give you my perfection. 00:36:02.400 --> 00:36:04.880 That's the extent of his love for us. 00:36:05.199 --> 00:36:12.559 That's the extent that allows us to love one another, to bear with one another in love, as the beginning of the passage instructed as well. 00:36:14.719 --> 00:36:21.199 We walk in love as Christ loved and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice for sin. 00:36:21.599 --> 00:36:25.599 So verses 25 through 27 reveal this threefold work of Christ. 00:36:25.679 --> 00:36:38.400 It looks back at what he did for us in dying on the dying for the church, looks to the present that he might sanctify the church, and it looks forward that he might present the church to himself in glory, so that his bride will be ready for the wedding feast. 00:36:38.480 --> 00:36:44.880 There's this beautiful picture that goes even beyond what we can see and accomplish in our our time. 00:36:45.360 --> 00:36:49.840 And then verses 28 through 30, our last text that we're looking at together today. 00:36:50.239 --> 00:36:54.320 In the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. 00:36:54.559 --> 00:37:07.519 He who loves his wife loves himself, for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. 00:37:07.760 --> 00:37:12.480 Husbands nourish and cherish their wives as Christ loves the church. 00:37:12.880 --> 00:37:15.199 Husbands are to nourish and cherish their wives. 00:37:15.280 --> 00:37:16.320 How do they love their wives? 00:37:16.480 --> 00:37:20.480 They nourish and cherish them as Christ loves the church. 00:37:42.480 --> 00:37:45.840 It's not dependent on how the wife is responding. 00:37:46.159 --> 00:37:53.920 It's this nourishing, this cherishing that leads to sanctifying, making pure, making clean. 00:37:54.159 --> 00:37:57.280 It's loving your wife as you love yourself. 00:37:57.440 --> 00:38:02.559 It's this language of like, hey, I know that you're really good at being selfish, so just remember you're one flesh. 00:38:02.639 --> 00:38:06.079 So love your wife as you love yourself because you are one flesh. 00:38:06.480 --> 00:38:10.000 He's not teaching them self-love, self-care because it's assumed. 00:38:10.239 --> 00:38:12.800 Love her at least as well as you love yourself. 00:38:13.039 --> 00:38:15.039 Her needs go in front of your needs. 00:38:15.199 --> 00:38:21.039 Not make me happy, but I'm looking out for you, I'm caring for you, I'm sacrificing for you. 00:38:21.280 --> 00:38:24.320 Nourish and cherish almost sounds like baby care language. 00:38:24.480 --> 00:38:28.960 Like take care of her, feed her, protect her, help her grow, build her up. 00:38:29.440 --> 00:38:33.440 This is the tone of leadership, not control, but care that leads. 00:38:33.599 --> 00:38:39.679 You're saying, I care about you, I'm gonna protect you, I'm gonna make sure that you're flourishing in this structure. 00:38:39.920 --> 00:38:42.480 It's not heavy-handed, it's not authoritarian. 00:38:42.639 --> 00:38:46.800 It's I'm sacrificing for your good so that you can thrive. 00:38:48.960 --> 00:38:53.039 This is the tone of headship, not control, but care that leads. 00:38:53.360 --> 00:38:57.280