SPEAKER_00: Amen.
SPEAKER_00: You guys can grab a seat and you can grab your Bible and turn to Ephesians chapter 5.
SPEAKER_00: And as you do, this is one of the most controversial passages in Scripture that we're going to get to look at together today.
SPEAKER_00: There's a word that will sit funny for a lot of us, and some of us will have issues with it.
SPEAKER_00: But I just want to remind you that I am the messenger.
SPEAKER_00: I'm the mailman.
SPEAKER_00: I'm here to read the mail.
SPEAKER_00: That means that I'm not going to mince words about what God's Word says, but we're going to seek to understand God's word together as we look at this passage that talks about the beauty and the mystery of marriage.
SPEAKER_00: As you turn to Ephesians chapter 5, we're continuing this series that we've called Made for More because God is reminding us that we are made for more.
SPEAKER_00: Maybe you've wondered, who am I?
SPEAKER_00: Does my life really matter?
SPEAKER_00: And Ephesians provides an answer to that.
SPEAKER_00: You are made for more.
SPEAKER_00: More freedom, more purpose, more joy.
SPEAKER_00: Your life is not about you.
SPEAKER_00: Your life is meant to be something much greater than just you.
SPEAKER_00: And there's beauty and power and weight in all of that.
SPEAKER_00: And it also can challenge us.
SPEAKER_00: It can reshape every part of our lives, our identity, our relationships, our work, our worship.
SPEAKER_00: You were made for more, so let's live for more.
SPEAKER_00: And the reason that we've selected this book for us to look at is that this has been the theme for us this past year that we've been talking about.
SPEAKER_00: Our theme has been to grow up in maturity.
SPEAKER_00: For us to grow up, for us to be united with Christ as the head, for us to grow in maturity, for us to become more like Jesus, which happens as we remain connected to the head, Jesus, and his body, the church, as we're equipped to be working properly.
SPEAKER_00: That's why the elders selected this book.
SPEAKER_00: That's why the elders have said, this is what we want to focus on this year.
SPEAKER_00: How can we grow up in Christ and be the church that God wants us to be?
SPEAKER_00: Mature, presented beautifully before Jesus the Savior.
SPEAKER_00: And this text is going to talk about how Jesus' desire for the church is that she would be mature, that she would be without spot or blemish, that he would present her, his bride, beautifully.
SPEAKER_00: That's Jesus' heart for the church.
SPEAKER_00: And we get to see this together as we look at Ephesians together.
SPEAKER_00: This is a powerful letter.
SPEAKER_00: As we talked in Ephesians 1, it's all about who the believer is in Christ.
SPEAKER_00: Ephesians 2 shows us that we're called to life in verses 1 through 10.
SPEAKER_00: And then corporately, we're called together to this unity, that the dividing wall of hostility has been torn down in Christ Jesus.
SPEAKER_00: Chapter 3 has this doxological like, how awesome is God.
SPEAKER_00: If you could only understand the hype, the width, the breadth, the depth of his love for you, it would change everything.
SPEAKER_00: And then chapter 4, he encouraged us to walk in this unity, especially in light of who we are, in light of being believers united together in one body.
SPEAKER_00: Today, our text, our focus is going to be on God's design for marriage.
SPEAKER_00: Your marriage is made for more than just your happiness, but rather your holiness.
SPEAKER_00: It's not a checklist for what's wrong in your marriage.
SPEAKER_00: It's God's design for what a healthy marriage should look like.
SPEAKER_00: It should be a picture of the love that Christ has for his church.
SPEAKER_00: And the main reason that Christian husbands should love their wives and Christian wives should respect their husbands is that God designed marriage to demonstrate Jesus' steadfast love for his bride, the church.
SPEAKER_00: But some of us, we resist this for a couple of reasons.
SPEAKER_00: One, we don't want to be anybody's doormat.
SPEAKER_00: We have this fear of being used or reduced to a role.
SPEAKER_00: We often find ourselves looking out for number one or for ourselves.
SPEAKER_00: And so it's hard for us to experience the unity and joy that God has for us in marriage.
SPEAKER_00: Or three, culture's version is perceived to be easier than God's if it's all about being happier.
SPEAKER_00: But your God's design for your marriage was never that you be happy, but rather that you be holy.
SPEAKER_00: And he would produce some happiness and some joy and good things through your marriage, but the purpose of your marriage is not your happiness.
SPEAKER_00: It's your holiness.
SPEAKER_00: And so as we look at Ephesians chapter 5, we're going to go all the way back to verse 1 first, and let's look at verses 1 and 2 real real fast.
SPEAKER_00: Therefore, be imitators of God, as beloved children, and walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.
SPEAKER_00: It doesn't say fall in love, but it says walk in love.
SPEAKER_00: It's not a choice.
SPEAKER_00: It's not, it love is a choice, it's not a fleeting emotion that comes and goes.
SPEAKER_00: We should all love the body of Christ as Christ loves.
SPEAKER_00: So the way that we interact within the body is that we are different parts of the body.
SPEAKER_00: We're united with the rest of the body, and Jesus is the head.
SPEAKER_00: So we're all working together to grow up in love, as we talked about in Ephesians chapter 4, but we're walking in that love, appreciating differences, not calling for uniformity, but calling for unity.
SPEAKER_00: Recognizing that those different body parts with different functions are beautiful, and we can walk in this love.
SPEAKER_00: Why do we love?
SPEAKER_00: Because Christ loved us and gave himself up for us.
SPEAKER_00: How can we be united to an imperfect body?
SPEAKER_00: Because Christ loved us and gave himself up for us.
SPEAKER_00: This the gospel produces our heart change that's needed for us to be united in humility in Christ.
SPEAKER_00: And we've been talking about this for the past few weeks, so some of this might be a little bit of review, but it's good for us to be reminded of the truth that first we're called to walk in love as Christ loves, sacrificially enduring with one another, being patient with one another.
SPEAKER_00: And then in verse 15, he says, Look carefully then how you walk.
SPEAKER_00: He's talking again about how you live, how you walk.
SPEAKER_00: And there's this picture of us walking together.
SPEAKER_00: And then there's this major command to be filled with the Spirit, not drunk with wine, but filled with the Spirit.
SPEAKER_00: And then there's this verse 21, which is the beginning of our passage together today, submitting to one another out of reverence to Christ, out of reverence for Christ.
SPEAKER_00: Christians are to walk in love, in mutual submission with one another, in the fear of Christ.
SPEAKER_00: And I know that's a lot of uh weight in that first verse, but we walk in love by the Spirit, in mutual submission with one another, in the fear of Christ.
SPEAKER_00: Now there are hierarchical structures within the body of Christ.
SPEAKER_00: It's as we're gonna see in the passage that we look at today, there's a husband and a wife, there are children and parents, there are slaves and masters that are gonna be discussed, these three different groups or pairs that are discussed together.
SPEAKER_00: And he's saying, before we get to those groups and how a husband is to love the wife, how parents are to love children, how owners are to masters are to direct, love, care for servants.
SPEAKER_00: Let's talk about, let's look at this picture of how we should all be walking in mutual submission, how we should all be walking in love in the fear of Christ, how we are to experience this spirit-filled life.
SPEAKER_00: This is how we can thrive in community, this is how we can experience supernatural unity together.
SPEAKER_00: This is how we walk in love.
SPEAKER_00: We submit to one another in the fear of Christ.
SPEAKER_00: This is a reminder that we need each other.
SPEAKER_00: We also need uh to speak God's perspective to one another so that we become full of spiritual things.
SPEAKER_00: We need to worship and give thanks to God regularly, being subject to one another, not just on Sundays.
SPEAKER_00: Like we're called to this unity and this picture of we need each other, which means that as we have needs, we can step up and meet each other's needs together.
SPEAKER_00: We can walk in love together.
SPEAKER_00: These are coming after he's exhorted his uh the believers to be filled with the Spirit, to submit to one another in Christ, and he's calling all believers to do so out of this fear of Christ, out of this reverence to Christ.
SPEAKER_00: Because I fear Jesus, because I'm connected to him, I have this awe and worship to Jesus, I'm willing to walk in love with the family of God.
SPEAKER_00: Which is why we say you can't just be a Christian and say, I love Jesus, but I hate the church.
SPEAKER_00: I'm not going to be a part of any church or anybody.
SPEAKER_00: I don't want anybody to tell me what to do.
SPEAKER_00: This is why uh church membership will be important, saying, hey, this is who you, the body of Christ that you belong to.
SPEAKER_00: Come and be a part of it.
SPEAKER_00: Come and sign up and say, let's share life.
SPEAKER_00: Let's make it official as we can.
SPEAKER_00: Let's let's do this and let's walk through life together.
SPEAKER_00: This is only capable for those who are filled with the Holy Spirit.
SPEAKER_00: As we look at these different designs, these different groupings of a husband and a wife, of parents and children, of slaves and masters, we need the Holy Spirit to empower us so that we can love one another properly.
SPEAKER_00: As we look at the verses 22 through 33, this is where a lot of us have to see that it's much bigger than just you and your spouse.
SPEAKER_00: It's God's cosmic plan for marriage.
SPEAKER_00: And there's these three sections.
SPEAKER_00: And then 31 through 33 is just a reminder of those responsibilities.
SPEAKER_00: As we look at the biblical purpose of family, it's acknowledged within a marriage that a household can be organized according to God's structure.
SPEAKER_00: Paul's telling the Ephesians that God works through the institution of marriage based on the structure he designed.
SPEAKER_00: If the husband and wife are out of alignment with that, God's blessings will not flow, his kingdom will not advance.
SPEAKER_00: So it's this urging to be aligned properly in the way that God would have us be aligned.
SPEAKER_00: And so I'm going to have a stand for the reading of God's word, but I'm just going to have a stand for the reading of verses 31 through 33.
SPEAKER_00: We'll look at the end where he gives a summary, and then we'll go back and we'll unpack some of those things.
SPEAKER_00: So if you would stand up for the reading of God's word.
SPEAKER_00: These are God's words, not mine.
SPEAKER_00: Therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother, and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.
SPEAKER_00: This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.
SPEAKER_00: However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
SPEAKER_00: This is the word of God.
SPEAKER_00: Thanks be to God.
SPEAKER_00: In these first three verses, which are the last three verses of this passage, I want to just give you the point right now.
SPEAKER_00: God's design for marriage is to show the world Christ's love for the church.
SPEAKER_00: It's much bigger than just, am I happy in this marriage?
SPEAKER_00: It's showing the way that Christ loves the church is on display through the way that a husband is to love his wife.
SPEAKER_00: Like when a husband is submitted to Jesus, living for Jesus, he's able to love and care for and serve and sacrifice and look out for the well-being of his wife, love her as he loves himself, because they are, after all, one flesh.
SPEAKER_00: They're united together.
SPEAKER_00: This is God's design for marriage.
SPEAKER_00: And his design for marriage is to show the world that kind of sacrificial love.
SPEAKER_00: And the wife is to do what?
SPEAKER_00: To see that she respects her husband.
SPEAKER_00: And this is his picture of submission, of looking to her husband as the head and saying, As you live a life surrendered to Jesus, submitted to Jesus, I am following you.
SPEAKER_00: And I trust you to look out for my well-being, to see flourishing and thriving under God's rule, because God has given you as my husband.
SPEAKER_00: Does this mean that there's this blind submission, this blind following?
SPEAKER_00: We'll flesh this out together as we look at this text.
SPEAKER_00: We'll wrestle with the difficulties of this text.
SPEAKER_00: That this text used in a way that isn't loving, could be seen as like this authoritarian, chauvinistic, disgusting way to rule over women, but that's not what God designed it for.
SPEAKER_00: That's not why God gave us his word.
SPEAKER_00: And if God's word is misused, that doesn't mean that we should divert away from what God intended his word to do, to instruct us, to call us into love and unity and thriving.
SPEAKER_00: Verse 31 says, Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife.
SPEAKER_00: The two shall become one flesh, a man and a wife, one man, one woman.
SPEAKER_00: He'll leave his parents, his father, and his mother, and they will become one flesh.
SPEAKER_00: They'll hold fast.
SPEAKER_00: There's under compulsion, daily felt obligation.
SPEAKER_00: It's not passive.
SPEAKER_00: There's one flesh, this one flesh functionality that they depend on one another.
SPEAKER_00: When she hurts, I hurt.
SPEAKER_00: When I struggle, she feels it.
SPEAKER_00: It's not just physical, but it's spiritual, emotional, mental.
SPEAKER_00: And there's this direct challenge to husbands.
SPEAKER_00: If you're not right with God spiritually, then you're not going to be right with your wife.
SPEAKER_00: Your wife will feel that gap.
SPEAKER_00: Christ died to devote his church to himself permanently.
SPEAKER_00: And marriage is meant to be permanent, image-bearing solution, not a conditional arrangement.
SPEAKER_00: He's pointing back to creation in Genesis 2.24 as he says, Therefore a fa a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.
SPEAKER_00: He's created husbands to lead and wives to respond to that leadership, to yield to that leadership.
SPEAKER_00: Like you can't have two heads that are equal heads, that's a monster, right?
SPEAKER_00: But rather you have the head leading the wife, and the husband leaves his father and mother and joins to his wife.
SPEAKER_00: The man has to be the initiator, the one who moves first.
SPEAKER_00: And when a woman sees her man initiating, owning responsibility, treating her as special, sacrificing for her well-being, she's apt to respond with this respect.
SPEAKER_00: But the the key to this text and the key to interpreting this right is not to get out the elbow jabs, right, with your partner next to you, but rather to say, let me focus on what part is for me.
SPEAKER_00: What is God instructing me to do through his word here?
SPEAKER_00: What is God instructing me to do in response to his word?
SPEAKER_00: Because there's this beautiful, profound mystery that refers to Christ and the church.
SPEAKER_00: And it says, However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
SPEAKER_00: This mystery, it's to imitate or emulate Christ's relationship with the church.
SPEAKER_00: Like last week, Joey was talking about this model for us to show the world.
SPEAKER_00: It's the same idea of us showing the world a model of love and care through the way a husband loves a wife is the way that Christ loves the church.
SPEAKER_00: And often we see that model and we say, man, it's it's broken, it's it's marred, it's not quite what we would hope it would be.
SPEAKER_00: Like we fall short of the standard.
SPEAKER_00: But he's called us to this beautiful picture to show the world, to put on display his glory of even more than I can possibly love my wife, is the way that Jesus loves his church.
SPEAKER_00: And gave himself up for her.
SPEAKER_00: Far more.
SPEAKER_00: The mysteries profound.
SPEAKER_00: Christ in the church, he intends marriage to model that love for Christ in the church in response to the church to Christ.
SPEAKER_00: For the world to see.
SPEAKER_00: Like the way that my marriage should operate is it should be a mirror to the world of how Jesus loves the church.
SPEAKER_00: And the sacredness of the church should be wed to the sacredness of marriage.
SPEAKER_00: There's weight to that.
SPEAKER_00: Because when I'm out of alignment with Katie, I'm misrepresenting Christ in the church.
SPEAKER_00: And there's these two commands in one sentence: husbands are to love, wives are to respect.
SPEAKER_00: Love should be unconditional, agape love, no strings attached, given even when it's not received or reciprocated.
SPEAKER_00: And God is gracious to enable what he commands us to do.
SPEAKER_00: He's gracious to allow us to be able to live out these commands, even though they seem like the standard is impossible.
SPEAKER_00: He's going to supply the strength for us to do what seems impossible.
SPEAKER_00: But we can't turn this into a checklist or a scorecard and saying, Well, if you won't do this, then I won't do this.
SPEAKER_00: It's a description of a harmonious marriage.
SPEAKER_00: It's not meant to be ammunition for a tit for tat cycle.
SPEAKER_00: What is the mystery?
SPEAKER_00: That we could never discover that Jesus was the bridegroom and the church was the bride, that marriage all along had been set forth to reveal this beauty of Christ's love for his church, that marriage is sacred in the relationship between Jesus and his church.
SPEAKER_00: And the virtues of Christian marriage, purity, self-sacrifice, love, and yielding reflect the relationship of Christ and his church.
SPEAKER_00: This is the motivation Paul uses to launch into his plea.
SPEAKER_00: Men, love your wives.
SPEAKER_00: So the basics of these responsibilities, husbands, love your wife as Christ as you love yourself.
SPEAKER_00: And two, wives respect your husbands.
SPEAKER_00: We're called to love our wives as we love ourselves.
SPEAKER_00: And the idea is that you love yourself well.
SPEAKER_00: You make sure that you're taken care of.
SPEAKER_00: In the same way you make sure your wife is taken care of.
SPEAKER_00: God's design for marriage is to show the world Christ's love for the church.
SPEAKER_00: Now we're going to look at the beginning of the text together, verse 22.
SPEAKER_00: And as we do, this is the part that uh is one of the more controversial parts based on this one word.
SPEAKER_00: And I'll let you guys see if you can guess it.
SPEAKER_00: Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord.
SPEAKER_00: For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its savior.
SPEAKER_00: Now, as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
SPEAKER_00: Anybody know the word?
SPEAKER_00: Submit.
SPEAKER_00: Wives submit to their husbands as the church submits to Christ.
SPEAKER_00: Wives are to submit to their husbands as Christ as the church submits to Christ.
SPEAKER_00: And you might be saying, well, didn't it just say this thing about mutual submission that like we should all be submitted to one another in love?
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
SPEAKER_00: And then he's also giving these pairs of groups where there is this hierarchy, this difference, this separation.
SPEAKER_00: And it's a separation in rank, not in value.
SPEAKER_00: This is key.
SPEAKER_00: The separation is in rank, not in value.
SPEAKER_00: There's value for each role equally, but there's a difference of saying, men, you are to be the head and you are to represent Christ.
SPEAKER_00: Women, you are to be in submission to your husbands, as they're in submission to Christ.
SPEAKER_00: There's this picture of when the husband is submitted to Christ, it should be easy for the wife to follow that type of leadership, that type of love.
SPEAKER_00: When the husband's doing their part, it should be easy for the wife to thrive in their part, of saying, okay, I don't necessarily understand all this, but I can see that you're trying to lead in the way that you're being led.
SPEAKER_00: There are some mysterious aspects of husbands that can serve and submit as they govern and lead, but the hierarchical structure does not make it impossible for yielding to one another in love either.
SPEAKER_00: When there is no hierarchical structure, Christians are to submit to one another in love.
SPEAKER_00: When there is one, we seek the best for one another in Christ, but we are to submit to or to try to fall in line with the roles that God describes for us as well.
SPEAKER_00: So an example of this, how do we submit to one another in love, but also uh live in a way that would fulfill this?
SPEAKER_00: So Katie loves uh budgeting, she loves finance, she's like Dave Ramsey's daughter, uh, unofficially, uh stepdaughter, maybe something.
SPEAKER_00: Uh she's been basically a disciple of Dave for quite some time.
SPEAKER_00: And so she wants to know what's happening with our finances, she wants to know what's happening with our budget, she has questions, she has ideas, she has dreams for our budget that far surpass my interest in and ability to manage our finances.
SPEAKER_00: And so if I'm to lead Katie and love Katie well, uh, it would be foolish for me to say, no, this is my job.
SPEAKER_00: I've I'm I should be leading, I should be doing this, let me take care of this.
SPEAKER_00: But rather, because it's her passion area, I say, yes, you run with this.
SPEAKER_00: Like organize our budget, execute our budget, handle our finances.
SPEAKER_00: Like if I had to pay our water bill, I'm not sure that I could.
SPEAKER_00: And that sounds that might sound crazy.
SPEAKER_00: Uh I don't see that I don't see the bill come in the mail.
SPEAKER_00: Uh, I know when it's paid because I can see that in our account, but I I don't I know there's a place that she goes to drop off a check because it saves us a few dollars.
SPEAKER_00: I don't know where that.
SPEAKER_00: Places.
SPEAKER_00: I'm sure I could figure it out.
SPEAKER_00: But we talk about budget changes as they happen.
SPEAKER_00: We talk about uh and we talk about our goals, we talk about uh our budget, we talk about what it's set at, we talk about how much we're giving, um, and then we have like this is what we're the play that we're running, and if we need to make a change, uh we discuss that change and we talk about that change, and we we try to have somewhat regular meetings about like, okay, where's our what's happening in our budget?
SPEAKER_00: But sometimes that's just happening as a major change is happening instead.
SPEAKER_00: And so because I'm not gifted or passionate there, I'm still I'm still not willing to say, well, let me just become completely passive here and just punt the whole thing to Katie.
SPEAKER_00: But rather we say, okay, let's talk about our goals, let's set these priorities together, and then we'll run that play.
SPEAKER_00: And so if I want to seek to cherish her and lay down myself, my pride to serve her and give her what she needs, financial security, then I'm willing to say, yes, let's run it this way, let's have the play go this way.
SPEAKER_00: And there's a there's a place where if we were to disagree on our finances, then she would yield to my decision, but that's happened like less than two times in our marriage up to this point.
SPEAKER_00: The Lord tends to lead us to the same place with a large financial decision before we make that decision.
SPEAKER_00: Does that make sense?
SPEAKER_00: So if we were to disagree, Katie would yield to that, but typically the Lord brings us to the same place before there's anything like that needed.
SPEAKER_00: So this text says, wives, submit to your husband.
SPEAKER_00: We can put the text back up.
SPEAKER_00: Wives submit to your husband as to the Lord.
SPEAKER_00: Wives are called to submit, to voluntarily place themselves beneath, underneath the legitimate authority of their husbands.
SPEAKER_00: This sounds like a difficult command, but we have to keep two things in mind.
SPEAKER_00: One, it's not talking about a distinction in value or personhood.
SPEAKER_00: God the Son is equal in essence to God the Father, but he's subordinate to him in function.
SPEAKER_00: Likewise, a wife is equal to her husband in both being made in God's image, but God has created the wife to function in a significant but subordinate role in the marriage.
SPEAKER_00: Second, a wife's submission to her husband is not an absolute, it is as to the Lord.
SPEAKER_00: The husband's authority has limitations, then.
SPEAKER_00: He cannot ask his wife to submit to anything outside of God's will.
SPEAKER_00: The wife submits within boundaries.
SPEAKER_00: It's not submit blindly.
SPEAKER_00: It's as you're following Jesus without being led into sin, do your best to submit to or yield to your husband.
SPEAKER_00: This doesn't mean that you can't question or have deep conversations about decisions that are being made and understand the reasonings why.
SPEAKER_00: There should be a place for that, those conversations to happen.
SPEAKER_00: If that's not happening, that's not the submission that the scripture is talking about here.
SPEAKER_00: That's crossing a line.
SPEAKER_00: You can lovingly walk through these decisions together.
SPEAKER_00: What's the manner of the submission as to the Lord?
SPEAKER_00: Christian wives are called to willingly order themselves under their husbands as they would to the Lord.
SPEAKER_00: The responsibility of the wives is to submit to their husbands.
SPEAKER_00: This is one of the most scrutinized passages in Scripture.
SPEAKER_00: Feminists have even called this section not inspired because Paul's writing was from a place of chauvinism rather than the Holy Spirit revelation from God.
SPEAKER_00: The idea of submission is in general opposed to our American ideals of permissiveness and freedom touted by our culture today.
SPEAKER_00: But he's saying, hey, if you want to thrive, let me give you a model.
SPEAKER_00: This picture of submit to your husband as they're submitted to Christ, as the church is submitted to Christ.
SPEAKER_00: Not to every man, but to their own husband.
SPEAKER_00: This isn't women submit to every man.
SPEAKER_00: That's not a biblical ideal.
SPEAKER_00: It's to your own husband.
SPEAKER_00: What's the manner of submission?
SPEAKER_00: It's as to the Lord.
SPEAKER_00: They should willingly order themselves under their husband in authority, not inherent value.
SPEAKER_00: In the same way they submit to the Lord.
SPEAKER_00: As the church submits to Christ, so also wives submit to their husbands in everything.
SPEAKER_00: Christ is the head of the church.
SPEAKER_00: This doesn't mean a wife can't disagree with her spouse, but it means that God has placed husbands in a position that it should be honored.
SPEAKER_00: And a kingdom wife should respect her husband even when expressing disagreement.
SPEAKER_00: Because God has ordered it this way, that the husband would be the head.
SPEAKER_00: The motivation for Christian wives to joyfully yield to their husband is that the husband is the head of their marriage, as Christ is that of the church.
SPEAKER_00: This should paint a picture of what perfect headship should look like.
SPEAKER_00: I know that I am most full of joy when I'm most fully surrendered to Jesus, when I'm most fully submitted to him.
SPEAKER_00: Because on my own I'm going to make poor decisions, but when I'm surrendered to him, when I'm submitted to him, I'm full of life, I'm full of joy.
SPEAKER_00: It's like his way is better.
SPEAKER_00: And I get to enjoy his better design as I yield to him.
SPEAKER_00: So in light of God appointing husbands as the head, Christ is the head of the church, and the church perfectly placing herself under the authority of Christ, wives should also submit to their husband.
SPEAKER_00: This looks like acknowledging leadership and supporting their husband in everything.
SPEAKER_00: Some of us might say, well, in everything, that sounds crazy.
SPEAKER_00: But he's saying, no, in perfect submission to, we should be submitted to, wife should be submitted to the husband as they lead to thriving under the order of God's rule.
SPEAKER_00: Does that make sense?
SPEAKER_00: So how should the husband lead the wife?
SPEAKER_00: And why is this why is this so difficult to us?
SPEAKER_00: First, before we move into how the husband should lead, very clearly we we have to say as long as the husband is not leading the wife into sin, then yes, that should be the way that they submit to their husbands.
SPEAKER_00: Two, uh, the wife should not subject herself to abuse by her husband either.
SPEAKER_00: In case of abuse, the wife should seek help.
SPEAKER_00: This is not, you it's not subject yourself to your husband even if you're being abused, even if uh there's adultery, there are there are outs biblically that scripture gives us as well.
SPEAKER_00: And we have to be really clear about that.
SPEAKER_00: Because uh God has given us those provisions for a reason.
SPEAKER_00: He doesn't want us to be stuck in abusive situations that are uh blasphemous if the husband is meant to reflect Christ, then how heinous is that uh for their abuse or adultery.
SPEAKER_00: But in the ordinary situation, wives are to submit their hus to their husbands as the church submits to Christ.
SPEAKER_00: And this is hard for us because of the fall.
SPEAKER_00: In Genesis 3:16, uh the curse that Eve hears is what?
SPEAKER_00: Your desire shall be for your husband and he shall rule over you.
SPEAKER_00: This this word, your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you.
SPEAKER_00: What's that desire?
SPEAKER_00: It's the desire to take the reins, it's a desire to rule, it's a desire to be the leader.
SPEAKER_00: And he's saying, But your husband will rule over you.
SPEAKER_00: This is the curse of sin, and it's important for us to see it there because that rule, that desire to rule over your husband, it's introduced here after the fall.
SPEAKER_00: And so it's something that we can seek to be uh recovered after that.
SPEAKER_00: As we call it out into the light, we can name it and remove shame and make it fightable.
SPEAKER_00: So the results, wives submitting everything, not conditional, not based on the husband doing his job well, because if we wait until the husband does his job well enough, you'll never get there.
SPEAKER_00: You'll never get to a place of wanting to joyfully submit.
SPEAKER_00: But it's placing yourself under the husband to say, okay, I want to fulfill God's design for my marriage, not as a lesser, but as positioned in this order, because God wants us to have order in our marriage.
SPEAKER_00: There's a purpose in this covering and in this order here.
SPEAKER_00: And then some of you might be saying, James, this is really hard, a really hard text.
SPEAKER_00: I have to submit.
SPEAKER_00: Well, it's it's hard for wives, I will acknowledge that, but I would say that the husband's part is harder.
SPEAKER_00: Because we're to love as Christ loved the church, which means sacrificially, giving of ourselves, giving of everything, even to the point of death.
SPEAKER_00: And so if the husbands are leading their wives to a place of thriving, that will come at their own expense, that will come in a way that they are willing to lay down everything for their wives to thrive.
SPEAKER_00: And we'll see that in verses twenty-five through twenty-seven.
SPEAKER_00: Husbands are to love.
SPEAKER_00: Verse 25.
SPEAKER_00: Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.
SPEAKER_00: Husbands sacrificially love their wives as Christ loves the church.
SPEAKER_00: Husbands are to sacrificially love their wives as Christ loved the church.
SPEAKER_00: And when this is being done properly, it makes the women's part much easier to live in.
SPEAKER_00: The result of husbands following Jesus, living submitted to Jesus, living in a way that's sacrificial for their wives to see them thriving.
SPEAKER_00: Like I will give up for my own self so that you can flourish, because that's the way that Jesus loves his church.
SPEAKER_00: It shifts from this responsibility of the wives to the responsibility of the husbands.
SPEAKER_00: And one might expect an over-emphasis on being heavy-handed, good, strong leaders.
SPEAKER_00: Uh, but it's quite the opposite.
SPEAKER_00: It's saying, if as God, it's as if God knew what the other person in marriage needed to be further conformed to the image of Christ and exhorted those things.
SPEAKER_00: Love is the responsibility of the husband.
SPEAKER_00: He should love sacrificially as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.
SPEAKER_00: Taking on burdens, sacrificing, suffering, to make sure that your wife is taken care of.
SPEAKER_00: He says, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.
SPEAKER_00: This doesn't mean play dictator and tell everyone what to do.
SPEAKER_00: No, it means look out for the good of your wife and love sacrificially, the way that Jesus loved.
SPEAKER_00: Biblical headship means being a responsible, governing authority.
SPEAKER_00: The husband is responsible for leading his family in the advancement of God's kingdom in the context of love.
SPEAKER_00: Biblical love compassionately, righteously, and sacrificially pursues the well-being of another.
SPEAKER_00: Husbands are to love according to Christ's standard.
SPEAKER_00: It's like love your wife to death.
SPEAKER_00: Love came in the shape of a cross.
SPEAKER_00: So a husband is to sacrifice for his wife, to be her deliverer, protector, provider, pay the price for her well-being.
SPEAKER_00: This pattern of self-giving love.
SPEAKER_00: It's a beautiful picture.
SPEAKER_00: He's saying, hey, listen, you love your wives the way that Jesus loved the church.
SPEAKER_00: Give yourself up for your wife.
SPEAKER_00: Give yourself up to the point of like, I'm going to serve my family.
SPEAKER_00: I'm going to look out for their flourishing.
SPEAKER_00: I'm going to look out for their well-being, even when you're going to sleep dog tired, you're waking up before you thought you could, to make sure that you're taking care of everything that you need to to manage your household.
SPEAKER_00: Where does this metaphor start and stop?
SPEAKER_00: Jesus gives us a perfect example to follow, literally dying to set apart a people for himself.
SPEAKER_00: How far does that go?
SPEAKER_00: I know that when I love my wife well, she starts to be more like Jesus.
SPEAKER_00: But true or untrue, that's definitely not what this passage is arguing for.
SPEAKER_00: How can we follow Jesus' example of taking the function of what he did?
SPEAKER_00: He's the one who's going to sanctify my bride, not me.
SPEAKER_00: He is the one who would become sin on our behalf, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.
SPEAKER_00: Like there's a there's obviously a difference there.
SPEAKER_00: Somewhere Jesus does more than we can possibly do, right?
SPEAKER_00: We show this love, the self-sacrificing, the self-giving as a picture that's not a complete picture, but it should be reflection of Christ.
SPEAKER_00: And even if it's a poor reflection of Christ, we strive to do as best as we possibly can to reflect that love that Christ has for his church.
SPEAKER_00: Jesus gave himself up, he would lay his life down so that his bride might become holy and blameless.
SPEAKER_00: He says, Give me your spots, give me your wrinkles, give me everything that's keeping you from experiencing the glory of God.
SPEAKER_00: I'll take that, put that on me, and let me give you my perfection.
SPEAKER_00: That's the extent of his love for us.
SPEAKER_00: That's the extent that allows us to love one another, to bear with one another in love, as the beginning of the passage instructed as well.
SPEAKER_00: We walk in love as Christ loved and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice for sin.
SPEAKER_00: So verses 25 through 27 reveal this threefold work of Christ.
SPEAKER_00: It looks back at what he did for us in dying on the dying for the church, looks to the present that he might sanctify the church, and it looks forward that he might present the church to himself in glory, so that his bride will be ready for the wedding feast.
SPEAKER_00: There's this beautiful picture that goes even beyond what we can see and accomplish in our our time.
SPEAKER_00: And then verses 28 through 30, our last text that we're looking at together today.
SPEAKER_00: In the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies.
SPEAKER_00: He who loves his wife loves himself, for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body.
SPEAKER_00: Husbands nourish and cherish their wives as Christ loves the church.
SPEAKER_00: Husbands are to nourish and cherish their wives.
SPEAKER_00: How do they love their wives?
SPEAKER_00: They nourish and cherish them as Christ loves the church.
SPEAKER_00: It's not dependent on how the wife is responding.
SPEAKER_00: It's this nourishing, this cherishing that leads to sanctifying, making pure, making clean.
SPEAKER_00: It's loving your wife as you love yourself.
SPEAKER_00: It's this language of like, hey, I know that you're really good at being selfish, so just remember you're one flesh.
SPEAKER_00: So love your wife as you love yourself because you are one flesh.
SPEAKER_00: He's not teaching them self-love, self-care because it's assumed.
SPEAKER_00: Love her at least as well as you love yourself.
SPEAKER_00: Her needs go in front of your needs.
SPEAKER_00: Not make me happy, but I'm looking out for you, I'm caring for you, I'm sacrificing for you.
SPEAKER_00: Nourish and cherish almost sounds like baby care language.
SPEAKER_00: Like take care of her, feed her, protect her, help her grow, build her up.
SPEAKER_00: This is the tone of leadership, not control, but care that leads.
SPEAKER_00: You're saying, I care about you, I'm gonna protect you, I'm gonna make sure that you're flourishing in this structure.
SPEAKER_00: It's not heavy-handed, it's not authoritarian.
SPEAKER_00: It's I'm sacrificing for your good so that you can thrive.
SPEAKER_00: This is the tone of headship, not control, but care that leads.
SPEAKER_00: So when you say, okay, husbands, how is your marriage going?
SPEAKER_00: That traces back to your leadership.
SPEAKER_00: The point is that the husband is the one who sets the emotional atmosphere in the home.
SPEAKER_00: You're the thermostat, not the thermometer.
SPEAKER_00: Be a thermostat, not a thermometer.
SPEAKER_00: You set the tone.
SPEAKER_00: You get to be the one who decides how encouraging, how nurturing, how caring, how loving your household will be with the way you sacrifice and love your wife first.
SPEAKER_00: Lay down your wants, your desires to lead your family to flourish.
SPEAKER_00: Love your wife better than you love yourself.
SPEAKER_00: Love your wife first.
SPEAKER_00: The man who loves his wife as he loves himself cares for her, understands her needs, takes time to understand those needs, uh, and those become familiar with the way that we're in tune with our own body.
SPEAKER_00: That thoughtfulness, that care is the display of Christ's love for his church, knowing what we need and giving us what we need for our best, and giving himself so that he could give that to us.
SPEAKER_00: He says, nurture and cherish your wife.
SPEAKER_00: It's this picture of caring, investing in, pursuing your bride in the same manner that Christian husbands benefit from viewing their wives as their own body.
SPEAKER_00: And so, church, here's a question: will you submit to God's design for your marriage?
SPEAKER_00: Will you submit to God's design for marriage?
SPEAKER_00: This duty daily to walk in alignment with Him, regardless of what your spouse does.
SPEAKER_00: The reason that husbands should love their wives, as Christian wives should respect their husband, is that God designed marriage to be a picture for the world to see.
SPEAKER_00: And so as we walk in this design that's difficult, that challenges us, we get to be a picture to those around us of the joy that we have in Christ, of the way that he pursues his bride, the church, of the way that we would say, I am yours, I belong to you, I will fall into what you would have me do, Lord.
SPEAKER_00: Your way is better.
SPEAKER_00: His cosmic plan for marriage is that marriage is much bigger than anyone knew until Paul invited them to experience God's ideal world where husbands care for their wives selflessly and wives yield respectfully as reflections of Christ's love and the church's submission.
SPEAKER_00: We get to know and act in God's plan for marriage as we are led into this greater joy, as we get to love our wives more, and wives who get to yield this leadership to their husbands by faith that their husbands are being led by God.
SPEAKER_00: This section challenges us to join God's cosmic plan for marriage is much greater than we know plan for marriage, so that our church would be a beacon of light, of hope.
SPEAKER_00: Where God is leading each of us individually as we seek to follow Him.
SPEAKER_00: Husbands love sacrificially, intentionally, continually, whether or not it's reciprocated.
SPEAKER_00: You get to set the tone.
SPEAKER_00: You get to lead your wife into flourishing, into thriving, and say, I will sacrifice what I want to see our family thrive.
SPEAKER_00: That should be the picture.
SPEAKER_00: Selfless love and care and sacrifice, saying, I will serve for the benefit of others.
SPEAKER_00: For the benefit of your bride first.
SPEAKER_00: You have to be willing to lay down everything for the greater good so that you can be a picture to the world of humble service, of love, and godly leadership.
SPEAKER_00: It's not easy, but this is the importance of us being in community, of being able to encourage and challenge one another to live in this greater way, this way that he's called us to.
SPEAKER_00: Wives, submit, yield respect because this is God's design.
SPEAKER_00: Not because your husband is batting a thousand, not because they're doing perfect, not because they've earned it every time.
SPEAKER_00: If you wait for them to earn it, you're never going to submit.
SPEAKER_00: Because they won't ever perfectly earn it.
SPEAKER_00: Recognize God's design is better.
SPEAKER_00: Start with this attitude that God is head over both you and your husband and seek to live in that way.
SPEAKER_00: Encourage and work with your husband as teammates.
SPEAKER_00: Like, challenge where it's difficult to yield and submit.
SPEAKER_00: Have good conversations about that.
SPEAKER_00: Don't shy away from the difficult conversations that need to be had.
SPEAKER_00: But submit to God's design for your marriage.
SPEAKER_00: I want to remind us of one more thing before we take the Lord's Supper.
SPEAKER_00: This is not a checklist.
SPEAKER_00: Like we can't keep score of saying, well, I can't submit because you're not loving sacrificially and serving and caring, and I'm not thriving, so I'm never going to submit.
SPEAKER_00: No, we it's not a checklist to score your spouse against.
SPEAKER_00: We're saying this is God's design.
SPEAKER_00: And our prayers that as we seek to lean into that, that the Lord would grow us, that he would shape us, that he would guide us to flourishing in his design.