The Art of Badassery with Jenn Cassetta: Mindset, Motivation and Empowerment for Women

60 | We Deserve More: Unpacking Reproductive Healthcare with Nikki Sapiro Vinckier

• Jenn Cassetta • Season 1 • Episode 60

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0:00 | 45:20

Have you ever left a doctor’s appointment feeling dismissed, unheard, or questioning your own body?


In this episode of The Art of Badassery, I sit down with Nikki Sapiro Vinckier—OB-GYN physician assistant, reproductive health advocate, and author of the upcoming book We Deserve More to unpack medical gaslighting, power dynamics in healthcare, and how to confidently advocate for yourself.


Nikki shares how her personal experiences from gaps in postpartum care to surviving childhood sexual abuse have shaped her work and the online community she’s built. Together, we explore the complex history of U.S. gynecology, disparities in care for Black women, and real-life examples of gaslighting, including delayed endometriosis diagnoses.


We also dive into navigating perimenopause and menopause, and discuss practical ways to protect yourself in medical settings like requesting a chaperone or declining an exam if something doesn’t feel right.

This conversation is both eye-opening and empowering, leaving you with the knowledge and confidence to trust your body and demand the care you deserve.


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SPEAKER_02

If the system isn't serving me, an affluent, educated white woman, what are we doing? And so that was the moment where I really started who else who is slipping through the cracks. Everyone is what that means, right? If I'm slipping through the cracks with all of the privilege that I have and all of the education that I come to the table with about reproductive health care, right? Like we really aren't serving women the way that we should be. And so that was the moment where I was like, I really want to learn more about how we got here. I want to learn more about what other people's experiences are within this system. And the further removed I got from it, the more obvious it was that it's not really working that well. But unfortunately, it is the system we have. So my whole goal became how do I help people within this broken system to get something better than what they have now.

SPEAKER_00

Hi there, I'm Jen Cassetta, your chief badass three officer. If you're feeling drained, hesitant, stuck in self-doubt, or you just have a case of the vlogs, the Art of Badass 3 podcast is here to help you unleash your lojo once and for all. We'll provide you with tips, techniques, and real-life examples of how you can kick ass in all areas of your life. You'll learn how to flex your mental muscles, rise above fears, and turn setbacks into superpowers. So let's enter the dojo and let's get to work. Welcome to the Art of Badasserie podcast. I'm Jen Cassetta, your chief badassy officer. And today I have a very special guest with a really awesome topic. Today we're welcoming Nikki Sapiro Vinkir to the podcast. And we are talking about a lot of things, but in general, we want you to feel more strong, more safe, and more powerful from the streets of the boardroom and from the inside out, right? That's my whole mission in life. And Nikki fits into this mission so well because she's going to help us feel all three of those things in the medical setting. We're going to talk about medical gaslighting. We're going to talk about what it feels like to not being heard in the medical setting, to not being seen. And just to talk about when your body's telling you one thing and the doctor's telling you another, it could feel intimidating. So we want all the tips if possible. And I feel like the podcast has really been jumping into the medical space, talking about health and wellness with the last podcast. We had Hospice Nurse Julie, we had Megan Rabbit on shortly before that to talk about the new rules of women's health. So if you're in a stage of your life right now where health is your priority, which I hope it is, then seriously listen to this podcast and go backwards and find those two as well. So my guest today, Nikki, has seen this stuff from both sides. She's an OBGYN physician assistant, a reproductive health advocate, and the author of the upcoming book called We Deserve More, a powerful book exposing where the healthcare system is failing patients and what we can do about it. Welcome to the show, Nikki. Thank you so much. I'm so glad to be here. Awesome. Something new that I've been doing with my guests is setting an intention for the podcast before we even begin. So my intention is always something like, and today this is coming back. It's coming. It's streaming through. And it's again to help you all get tips, tools, maybe to think about new things and new ideas about your health and well-being, and to feel more strong, safe, and powerful in your mind, your body, and your spirit. That's my intention. Nikki, do you want to add anything?

SPEAKER_02

Ugh, I love the idea of strong, safe, and powerful. I think just even centering those three words with everything else aside, strong, safe, and powerful. I think that that's a really incredible intention in and of itself.

SPEAKER_00

Awesome. It's my life's missions. Let's go with it. Okay. Nikki, you reached out and honestly, I get tons of requests. Like multiple sometimes a day, but a ton a week, and I can't respond to them all. But when I read your email, I was like, oh Nikki is a black belt in badassery. Can you first tell us what you do? And then I'm gonna have you go into your story a bit.

SPEAKER_02

But first I do also happen to have a black belt in Taekwondo for what it's worth.

SPEAKER_00

Why didn't you say that? Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, that was an accidental thing that I did in college, that I had been a dancer growing up, and then as a 20-year-old, picked up a new hobby and at 24 got my black belt, which was really fun. So, all that aside, who I am, where I come from. So I'm an OBGYN physician assistant, and I spent the last decade in clinic providing care. And alongside that decade, built and expanded my own family. So I have three young children. I have an almost eight-year-old, almost six-year-old, and almost four-year-old. And I think that a lot of how I experienced my own health care and my own postpartum journey really changed the way that I provided care, changed the way that I received care, changed the way that I understood care. And then after leaving clinic, I really started to evaluate where my place was in all of that. And there were several moments where my own care slipped through the cracks. And I thought, if the system isn't serving me, an affluent, educated white woman, what are we doing? And so that was the moment where I really started who else who is slipping through the cracks. Everyone is what that means, right? If I'm slipping through the cracks with all of the privilege that I have and all of the education that I come to the table with about reproductive health care, right? Like we really aren't serving women the way that we should be. And so that was the moment where I was like, I really want to learn more about how we got here. I want to learn more about what other people's experiences are within this system. And the further removed I got from it, the more obvious it was that it's not really working that well. But unfortunately, it is the system we have. So my whole goal became how do I help people within this broken system to get something better than what they have now? And wow. And how did you go about doing that? So I started bitching online essentially. Yeah, I became an accidental influencer. So I has this nurse Julie. Yeah, I just started talking online and started saying, hey, this is crazy. And it started resonating with other people because what we know about being a woman in America right now is it's a joint experience. It's a challenging experience. It is a frustrating at times experience. And the way we feel is alone and challenged. And the anecdote to that is community, right? And it's support and it's love and understanding and creating systems where women can support other women. And so that was what I set out to do accidentally. And now that's where I find my community is online.

SPEAKER_00

Awesome.

SPEAKER_02

And you wound up getting a book deal because of it. Yes, I forgot about that part. Yep. So I got my book deal and I've been writing a book over the last year, and that comes out in May. So we are almost there.

SPEAKER_00

Full title?

SPEAKER_02

It is called We Deserve More: Why Reproductive Health Care Is Broken and What You Can Do About It.

SPEAKER_00

Fantastic. Before we jump into the book, because I do want to do a deep dive, I always like to get to know our guests on a more personal basis. And again, the reason why I chose choose guests is because they're black belts and badassery. And again, when I read your story, I was like, oh yes, exactly. These words exact these words specifically sang to my heart. You said something cracked you open. It was a time where you had to admit that being strong and struggling could exist at the same time. You said, and that changed me. It and eventually it made you a better mother, a better clinician, and a better leader, which is the exact definition of being a black belt and badassery, going through something horrible and then coming out the other side to help others. Can you walk us back to that crack?

SPEAKER_02

There's quite a few cracks. It feels like there are several different cracks that kind of build a foundation, unfortunately, because each one of those cracks can be really challenging in and of themselves. And unfortunately, I think the way I think about those cracks is none of them are fully independent of one another. But it's almost like sitting on like on an equator fault line. These like large cracks that together work. So I I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. And that was the first piece of it. And it was something that I had long brushed under the rug and not really had a lot of idea that it sat at the forefront of my brain. Like it was in my mind, it was something that happened in the past. And when we talk about how my motherhood journey really is foundational to who I am now, I found out that I was having a boy, my son, my oldest, on the day that the Harvey Weinstein accusations dropped. And it really challenged every part of my being of how do I raise a boy in this world? How do I want a mother in this world? How do I want to exist in this world? How do I want to provide health care to other survivors in this world? Like, how do I access healthcare as a survivor? How do I find that like getting in touch with myself and recalibrating all of those pieces? And it really was actually this like retrospective lens of looking at, okay, that was the initial crack. And then all these other cracks that caused, and I write about it in my book, like how challenging it was to go through PA school without that knowledge of, oh, this is foundational to who I am. And this did impact the course of my life and the fact that I do want to be a caregiver. And I think about how flawed the healthcare system is that as a PA student, I was put on rotation on a psych rotation at the suicide hotline without a single person ever screening me for trauma before it. Wow.

SPEAKER_00

Oh my goodness.

SPEAKER_02

And I couldn't handle it. I couldn't handle it as you would expect. But we don't have systems in place for patients or clinicians to screen for trauma, to provide trauma-informed or trauma-educated care. All of these pieces, I just fumbled my way through them until in the last several years, which I think has been happening for so many survivors, all of a sudden we're finding words for these things. And we're finding this like common understanding that, like, oh, this wasn't just something that happened. This is something that actively made me who I am.

SPEAKER_00

And it actively lives in your nervous system if you've never processed it fully and all those things. So that is why I made a really the other day. This is why women are pissed off right now in your life. This is why they're triggered. This is why they're frustrated. This is why they're isolating themselves. Like all these different things where you're like, oh, this woman or this person I love used to be joyful and easygoing, and now she's different. Perhaps this is why, because of these Epstein files and all of this, watching powerful, I hate that word, I hate calling these men powerful, watching these fake, powerful men get away with abuse, yeah, decades of it. Yeah. And not just live, walk away scot-free, but run our country.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

It is infuriating.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. And I used to think about it for myself. I'm a very visual processor. I used to think about it for myself as this trauma was in my closet, right? Like these skeletons in your closet that we talk about. And I used to think about compartmentalizing them in boxes. And I used to feel like the boxes were on fire in my closet, right? Like that the boxes were actively like there wasn't anything I could do without being triggered by these things. And I think that's where women in America are right now, if we haven't appropriately and fully processed all these things, is these boxes are on fire for so many women. And we have run out of fire extinguishers. There aren't fire extinguishers. They're nowhere to be found. They're pinning us against each other for fire extinguishers access. Like it's just crazy town. And I think you're exactly right. Like it's just a really challenging time. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. Bless you for sharing that and for doing all the advocacy work that you do. So let's dig into the book. I want to talk about power dynamics. Sure. Power dynamics. So you're talking about medical gaslighting. And I just do have a little caveat. My sister's a doctor, and I think she's the most wonderful person in the world. And I know there are doctors out there that are doing the best they can within this system that is broken. So this is not like a diss to every doctor or to every healthcare practitioner, obviously. But and yes, and there are those that are not doing women the justice that they deserve. Let's talk about that. Start this conversation.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. Oh. I love that framing because I think that's where I sit fundamentally as well. Is I don't think we win by villainizing all healthcare practitioners because I do think there are wonderful clinicians out there who are doing their best in a system that does not support them, does not cater to patients, is totally upside down in a hundred million ways. So I really feel that is such a great foot to start with, is this idea that this is not the fault of the clinician at all times. And I think there are a lot of times that people are like, oh, immediate fault, go to the clinician. And it's let's talk about the nuance. Sometimes yes, and sometimes no. So there's so much nuance there. Yeah. But when we talk about reproductive health care, how we got there is that it was a really bad system. So reproductive healthcare in America, when we first started having babies, was run by midwives that were community-based, community-served, community educated. It was like this generational knowledge and education that kind of got passed down from midwife to help support a community as they gave birth. And then we really colonized medicine and white men came in and said, no, we have to give birth in a hospital. And these midwives don't actually know shit about anything. And they really undermined the way we've done birth. And the who was referred to as the grandfather of gynecology is someone by the name of J. Marion Sims. And he was a man who performed surgery on unanesthetized enslaved women. Yep. About 30 enslaved women that we know of. And the three that received the most surgeries were named Anarca, Betsy, and Lucy. And those three women each had over 30 surgeries or so. And this is just like exploratory surgery without anesthesia. And then they went on to perform these surgeries on white women with more anesthesia coverage, more antiseptic technique, all of these different things. So the background of gynecology is really built on this fundamental basis that we did not protect black women, that we did not care about women's bodies, that we did not listen to pain management, right? Like so many of the things that we still see reflected in our reproductive healthcare system now, like black women dying three to four times the rate of white women in childbirth, right? Like that is reflected all the way back in the origins of gynecology in the United States. And it wasn't until I really learned that I was like, it was like a light bulb clicked. And I was like, they never even told us these things. Like here, I'd been in gynecology for 10 years without even knowing that history. And what a disservice we do to our patients to not know that's our history that we need to be accountable for, right? That we need to show up to the table in spite of that and in recognition of that, right? And specifically for our black birthing mamas, to say, I understand you distrust the system. And that's for damn good reason. Like that's for damn good reason. Instead, we label these women as noncompliant, right? We label these women as being difficult. And I think that's the entire context is that when women advocate for the care that they need, they are labeled difficult. Instead of from the beginning ever being believed, ever being listened to, ever being given appropriate pain management from the get-go.

SPEAKER_00

Amazing. And I actually learned about that awful man in Erased, the book called Erased, from my podcast guest just I think two or three episodes ago, Anamalica Tubbs. So this is full circle. All roads lead to Rome here, but all roads lead to patriarchy here.

SPEAKER_02

Yes. Yeah. Patriarchy and oppression and like the importance of feminism and fighting for what we're worth and fighting for what we deserve and acknowledgement of the systems that we existed in to get to where we are now.

SPEAKER_00

Absolutely. And I'd like to talk about medical gaslighting. Specifically, could you just get a give us a quick definition just so we're all on the same page? Sure.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, gaslighting is essentially when you are, I wish I had looked this up so I could have given you like a written, real good one. But the way I think of it is when somebody tells you that you're not experiencing something that you know to be true. So when somebody is taking the experience you're sharing and essentially like twisting it or undermining it or refuting it or coming back to you with a different take other than what you know to be true.

SPEAKER_00

Awesome. Can you give us examples of, I would say, in your work, I'm sure you come up against or you hear from so many different women how they've been gaslighted in this system. Can you give us like the most popular examples?

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, this is a no-brainer. The most popular example is endometriosis, right? We see the average duration until diagnosis of endometriosis is seven to ten years and three to four clinicians until you get a clinician that believes you, listens to you, and diagnoses you.

SPEAKER_00

Wow. Okay. I thought you were gonna go with menopause because that one too.

SPEAKER_02

That's a really easy one, too. But the endometriosis and the duration of diagnosis, that one is so tangible. And so that one angers me so much because that is years of pain, right? Pain that have been told this isn't as bad as you think it is.

SPEAKER_00

And people can, once you get a diagnosis, something can be done about that.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, in theory, endometriosis is a tough one because management is tough and there's no like one size fits all for it. But there are new guidelines that are out for it that encourage diagnosis earlier. Because with diagnosis, you get better coverage, you get better testing, you get better access to medication that might manage it, right? You have you're more eligible for laparoscopic surgery that might be able to remove some of these lesions. So you have better access to healthcare. And I think that's what it all boils down to with reproductive health care, is just point blank access. And yes, diagnosis is gonna lead to improved access.

SPEAKER_00

Awesome. I just want to talk about the perimenopause-menopause journey for a second. I'm again, we talk about this often on this podcast, but I see so many people feeling like they've been gaslit through their perimenopause journey. And I just want to say, I when I knew that I was in this journey, I said, okay, do I want to continue seeing my current doctor? And the answer was no. And I immediately went to look for a new one. And I know that's not so easy for everyone to do, just switch their provider. But if you had that privilege, I suggested. And I called a group here in Santa Monica, and I specifically asked for a doctor who no longer sees pregnant women. I want a doctor who is solely focused on women going through menopause or on that journey. And they said, Great, we have this doctor who stopped seeing pregnant. Women. And I was like, that's my doctor. Literally sat in the office, had such a great conversation, walked out with a prescription for hormones. It was like the easiest. Again, I feel so lucky, right? Like it was the easiest journey for me. And that was a year ago. And I've been feeling great moving through this journey of life. And I want that for, I want that E as much as possible for other people. What can you suggest to women going through this journey right now?

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, I think you got really lucky with finding that doctor based off of the way that you said it. Because I think a lot of the time, unfortunately, doctors who no longer see pregnant individuals or obstetric patients are those that are on the tail end of their journey on their way out to retirement, right? They don't want to take call anymore. They don't want to do overnight deliveries. They don't want to do surgery. And so it's this ease out into retirement. And you've got two sections of doctors at that point. You have the really compassionate women, where maybe perhaps you've gotten somebody that's gone through menopause herself that understands what this is and leaned in as a result of it. But you also most likely have somebody that went through med school 30 plus years ago and isn't actually up to date on menopausal guidelines and recommendations, and may have very outdated viewpoints on medication management, hormone management in menopause. And so I don't necessarily think that's always the answer is like find somebody who's not delivering, because I think you've got a good chance of also finding somebody with these like old tapes of reproductive health care. Such a good point.

SPEAKER_00

Such a great point. And I just want to say though, I did also say I'd like a doctor who is doing hormone reverse therapy.

SPEAKER_02

Yes, that's the nuance. That's the nuance, right? Someone who has specialized in that. And so I think that's the nuance that really matters. And a lot of the time, by the way, as a PA, it is shouldered by PAs and nurse practitioners because so much of menopausal management is relational conversations. It's what is impacting you. It's things that take time in clinic and that aren't reimbursed as highly as procedures and surgeries. And so it's less valuable to a practice. And so by the way that ends up working, these advanced practice practitioners like PAs and NPs, we tend to have more time in our days for that relational parts of care. And that's very much where menopausal management fits into. So I think, yes, it's the doc who does that, but also really being open to a PA or NP, as often they tend to have more time in their schedules to really listen to you and your experiences.

SPEAKER_00

Wow. Okay. Thank you. That was actually really clear. I think that's a really clear takeaway for so many women right now. Nikki, I have a million questions about your book and I can't wait to read it in May. But tell me what was like one thing that really surprised you when you were doing your research?

SPEAKER_02

I had a physician who told me, maybe you're not the right messenger for this, right? Maybe it needs to be a doctor who does this. And I really sat with that for a long time of I'm pulling apart the pieces of this system. And I, in many moments, am an outsider-insider of this same system. And I didn't have the right rebuttal for that until I came across a singular study that completely changed my mentality. And that was talking about pelvic exams under anesthesia. And pelvic exams under anesthesia are when a medical student can do a pelvic exam on a patient who is under anesthesia. What? And there was no clinical guidance nationwide to prevent this until just 2024. What? Yep. So you could go in for a tonsilectomy and someone could do a pelvic exam while you were under anesthesia without you knowing. Are you joking? Not joking. And not a funny joke. I wouldn't expect that to be a joke. Are you not a joke? Yep. And 2024, they gave guidance for it. That's all we have. So even in many states, this is still legal. So for example, I live in the state of Michigan where this is technically still legal. Sure, there's guidance against it, but it is technically still legal. And really the conversation became around how do you educate a med student? How do they learn how to do a pelvic exam? And to that, my rebuttal is it's not on the burden of an asleep woman. That is an insane thing. There are ethical ways to do this. There are patients who will essentially be paid to teach med students how to perform a pelvic exam, which, you know, is an odd profession, but that's great. Very ethical, no problem. But this study showed that med students in their first year, it was it was med students or it was residents. It was med students in their first year. I think it was like 80% of them felt not good about this, had some red flag that raised in their mind saying this is not a good thing. And by the time they hit their fourth year, it had decreased by 3x because the concept of this was so normalized within medicine. And the crazy thing is that when I posted about this too, I had a clinician that I had been referring patients to who came into my comment section being like, Well, how do you think doctors are gonna learn then? How are we supposed to train patients? This is still a hill that clinicians, doctors, are willing to fight because they are so programmed to think that this is a normal thing. It was wild.

SPEAKER_00

That is horrifying. I can think of a million things to say right now, but I'm just gonna say imagine if the tables were turned and men were getting like prostate exams while they were asleep and not knowing and not giving consent.

SPEAKER_02

So that actually does happen, also. That actually does happen. And that's the only way that we have a likelihood of pushing this through legislation, actually, to fully get this really illegal is to actually lean on the men and be like, hey, surprise, this is your ass, quite literally, as well.

SPEAKER_00

Oh my gosh, Nikki, that is horrific. Wild. Thank you for sharing that with us. And it also reminds me of something that I shared publicly on Instagram recently, but that I just have to call out here because I keep seeing articles come out not often, but enough, of certain OBGYNs that have been sexually abusing their patients and their systems, aka Columbia University, Cedar Sinai, and USC to be exact, and I'm sure there's a lot more out there, have been protecting these doctors. And I have a personal story of being a former patient of one of those doctors. So everyone, I will just know that I'm gonna share this story right now, but it it's not super horrible compared to what it could have been. So that is why I feel very fortunate and want to share it with the intention that if you ever feel like something's off with a doctor, that you can say something, speak up, report, get help, get another doctor right away. These predators need to be held to account, they need to all be exposed. Fuck them all. I'm so over and fuck the systems, protect them. So I went to this OBGYN and again I was in early in my 20s, and I was referred by someone I love. I'm not even gonna say who it was, because she feels awful, right? As well when this all came out. But essentially he asked a question, and you can tell me, Nikki, if this is actually great. You tell me if this question is normal. The question was are you sexually active? Normal, right? Okay, sure, yeah. And I'm gonna say yes, and then maybe a couple more questions, I can't really remember. But then he asked me this so is it a tissue or a towel? And I I I paused, obviously. I said, This is weird. Why would a doctor be asking me this? But it all happened so fast, and again, this is what we need to address, right? That kind of freeze response. You're in fight, flight, or freeze. You're like, but I'm sitting here naked in a doctor's office, so I'm frozen. I don't know what to say. And I made him explain what he meant. So I asked him a question. And this is in when I teach self-defense, this is a softblock, is what I call it. Hard block is like gonna be like, shut the fuck up. No, get me out of here. That's a hard block. But again, since you're in this power dynamic thing where you have this authority figure over you, a soft block might be easier to do in the moment. And a soft block is just let's take this energy, blend with it momentarily, take a breath, settle my nervous system, and then ask a question. So my question was something like, What do you mean by that? And then you hold that person to account by staring them in the eyes, waiting for them to answer. Again, I don't can't remember if that's how it really went down, but I do remember him asking him, what does he mean? And he said, like the cleanup afterwards, is it a tissue earth or a towel? And I was just like, oh my god. But at the time, so gross, right? But at the time, let's go back 20-something years, there was no social media, I didn't really have an outlet for this. And then probably afterwards, I might have told my friends and laughed about it. Because that's weird. Let's laugh about it, let's make it not weird. And it wasn't until months later I was sitting on a beach in Montauk and I heard these girls behind me talking. And I heard a girl say, and then he asked me, was it a tissue or a towel? And I was like, Way Yes. And I turned around and I said, Are you talking about Dr. Haddon? And they were like, Yes. And that's when I was just like, oh my god. I definitely switched doctors, but never thought about it. Tried to not think about it again. And it wasn't until just a few years ago that women that were really abused by him. If you look up the story and there's a podcast, there's tons of articles on it. It is disgusting what he did to some women.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

I feel obviously lucky that didn't happen to me. But but these doctors are they're grooming you, right? So they they're pushing a boundary. So what I now understand is that question he asked me was to see what my boundary was like.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. Are you receptive?

SPEAKER_00

Am I receptive? What's my reaction gonna be like? Am I gonna see him again? All of that to push that boundary and see how much he can get away with. And that's what predators do. So what do we do in situations like that, Nikki?

SPEAKER_02

It's interesting. I actually talk about this quite a bit in my book because it talks about Larry Nasser and it talks about like the doctors like this doctor, where we assume that healthcare is going to be a location that takes care of us. Right. And what do we do when we come into the room with trauma? And what do we do when the room is the place that causes the trauma? Right. And that there isn't a great solution, and there isn't a perfect answer aside from just listening to your gut and knowing that if it doesn't feel right, that you can change. Another thing that I also recommend that I do talk about in my book too is you can always request someone to come in and be a chaperone in the room. And so you can always isn't that a law now? Don't you it's not a law? It might be state-based, so it is not a law here in Michigan. I think it might be in California. Interesting. Oh, and I wonder if it is gender-specific or if it's just for male physicians, because it does tend to be more predominant when there's a male physician, as you can imagine. But either way, and regardless of that, I think it's really important if there isn't someone in the room when you're getting a pelvic exam specifically, to have and request for someone to be in there. And if that isn't something that is provided by that practice, you can always bring in a friend or a partner or a support person to be there with you. And so I think that's something that, especially in the world that we are in, is a really important piece in terms of self-advocacy, is making sure you feel safe in that room. And if there's ever anything that you're questioning, there is a reason why you're questioning it. It's one thing to feel not listened to, it's another thing to feel like they made you uncomfortable. And that's a major red flag. And I think as women, we're so conditioned to just swallow those moments of being uncomfortable and not listen to them and not play into them. We are called hysterical. We are told that our emotions are too big, right? And so we can so easily be like, maybe he didn't mean it that way, or maybe that wasn't real, or maybe I made that up in my mind. Or laugh it off. Or laugh it off. And I do think that it is so important to just listen to that piece in your brain that is saying the things that you need to be hearing.

SPEAKER_00

Yes. In my self-defense classes, the one of the first lessons we talk about is intuition and how to listen to that. Yes. Read the room. If anything makes you feel uncomfortable, pause. You can talk to a doctor, like, you know what? Let I need a minute, right?

SPEAKER_02

Just you can also refuse any exam. Like you can, if you do not feel comfortable in that visit, you can say, I just want to talk today and I will come back for a physical exam. And you can choose whether or not you ever want to come back. It changes the way that it's billed. So there is a chance that they can't bill it as a preventative exam. So that's worth knowing in advance how that system and the billing all works. But you are in charge. You are in charge of your healthcare, and you get to decide if you feel comfortable to proceed with that exam or not. And it's not, I wish that I could say that it's uncommon, but it is wildly more common than we think. Like we just saw a massive report come out of Fort Hood in Texas from an army base or you know, one of the bases that there had been a doctor who had been putting his cell phone in his pocket with the camera facing out and was recording like hundreds of pelvic exams.

SPEAKER_00

Oh my god. Okay, everyone, if this isn't a reminder, it's a really optimistic podcast.

SPEAKER_02

We're really just like having so much fun. This is such a light-hearted conversation, it's so great. I promise you, my book isn't like always Debbie Downer. There are some moments that are not that heavy, but yeah, sorry.

SPEAKER_00

Look, to me, I think of it this is all energetic self-defense, right? So the chances that you're going to be abused by anyone is low. But when it does happen, or when you think it might be happening, you will have the tools, the power to block it and to protect yourself. So with that, I just want to take the last couple of minutes before we get into your rapid fire questions to talk about the hope, the positivity that you do bring to the book.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, I think that there are moments where you really feel seen, where you really feel validated and where you really feel community and you really feel the power of women that are taking a moment and running with it. And it's exactly what we're talking about in this, right? It's the strong, safe, and powerful that you talk about. And that's how I really want you to feel as you read the book, too. And how I really approach all of my education from a reproductive healthcare standpoint. And those are the pieces that make me feel optimistic, is that there are people who are really trying to shape and redo the narrative so that you can feel strong, safe, and powerful, so that you can be empowered to be strong, safe, and powerful. And I think that that's the part that makes me feel hopeful is that despite the Larry Nassers of the world, there's another generation of people who are coming in behind saying, we can't accept that. We will not accept that. And not only am I not going to accept it for me, I'm gonna empower an entire army of women around me so that not only do I push back on behalf of me, but I push back on behalf of every single one of my sisters. And that's the strength that I see in this moment.

SPEAKER_00

Amazing. And that's what you're doing. You're on the front lines. I see you advocating politically. Tell us what you're up to.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, it wasn't very intentional either. It just became this conversation where reproductive healthcare all of a sudden became a political act, and something that should be so nonpartisan ended up being something incredibly partisan. And I we had talked about this of should I be nonpartisan? And I really wear two hats all the time. There's the me, Nikki Sapiro Vincure, who is fundamentally partisan, who votes as blue can possibly be. And then there's the side of me who wrote a book and the book is nonpartisan, who runs a platform that empowers women to educate themselves on reproductive healthcare and how to engage in the system. And if I really went back and forth of how political do I make that platform, and if I fundamentally believe that all women deserve access to reproductive health care, then that means all women, including the red women, including the ones that I'm really mad at, that are voting against their own best interests, those women deserve access to reproductive health care also, as much as I think they don't recognize it, right? And so it has really become this advocacy role as well, in terms of elevating reproductive health care conversations all the way up to where legislative decisions are being made.

SPEAKER_00

Good. We're seeing women die in hospital parking lots, and we're seeing women die while they're miscarrying, not getting the health care that they need because of these laws being passed. So it is a political discussion whether we like it or not. I wish it wasn't.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. Yeah. What can we do?

SPEAKER_00

What can I think like to support you and your work?

SPEAKER_02

You're out there doing the work. What can we do? Is all of us leaning in. Not about supporting me. It's about educating ourselves, educating our friends. It's learning going back to the women are dying in parking lots, right? It's learning how to ask for the care that you need. It's how to say, I am bleeding excessively right now. Like it is vocalizing in clear language what is happening to you and what is happening to your body so that you cannot be turned down and refused care. And I think that learning more about what's happening is the best way that we armor ourselves in this moment. So I think there's that. And yeah, sure, following me and listening to people who are leading the movement is one way that you can really understand some of these fundamental things that are happening in approachable ways. But I think it's wherever you get your information from, right? It's Jessica Valenti who does amazing abortion reporting. It's Pro Publica, who does amazing journalistic reporting on these deaths of these women that we've talked about and really learning and listening to it. And it's hard, it's really heavy. It is hard. And I will name first that it is easy to feel overwhelmed by the state of the world right now and to want to turn it off. So if that's your MO that you don't want to be listening, then give yourself, I don't know, 30 minutes a week where you're like, hey, I'm gonna educate myself on this and I'm gonna limit it to this window, right? You don't need to do scroll on Instagram all the time. You don't need to know every moment what's happening. But I do think you owe it to yourself and you owe it to your role and responsibility in the civic society to have some awareness of what the hell is going on right now.

SPEAKER_00

Amen to that. What's your handle, Nikki?

SPEAKER_02

Nikki Vink.

SPEAKER_00

Nikki and your book title once more We Deserve More. How reproductive healthcare is broken and what you can do about it. Excellent. And for rapid fire questions, are you ready? I'm ready. Okay. Fast. What was your favorite food when you were a kid? Cheese it. Wait. Might still be. If you can have if you can have a drink with anyone, alive or dead, who would it be? What's in your cup?

SPEAKER_02

Ooh, Gloria Steinem. And I don't know. I think I'd want to be as sober as possible. So like a diet coke.

SPEAKER_00

What's your favorite personal development nonfiction book?

SPEAKER_02

This is gonna be a really controversial one, but I really did like Glenn and Doyle Untamed. Great. It's very basic bitch of me, but I didn't really like it. I get it.

SPEAKER_00

I was I always like years ago when I that was a long time ago, but yeah. Yeah, I like I'm a pro Glenn. I get it. And then last but not least, what's your favorite hype song?

SPEAKER_02

Golden by the We're going up. It's uh mainly because I have young kids. I love it. I don't have kids, and I love that song.

SPEAKER_00

Okay, pop demon hunters. So great. Nikki, thank you so much for being on the show. Everyone out there, thank you for listening. They I know these topics are hard, but I think the more we have them, the more we normalize them, the bigger difference we can make for ourselves and for the next generation. So thank you for sticking it out with us here. I love you to pieces. Please make sure you subscribe if you haven't yet and leave us a rating so I can get this podcast in more hearts and more ears everywhere around the world. I love you.