59 | Have No Fear: Exploring Death and Dying with Hospice Nurse Julie McFadden

What is dying really like—and could understanding it help us live more fully?

In this episode of The Art of Badassery, I’m joined by Julie McFadden—better known as Hospice Nurse Julie. A former ICU nurse turned hospice educator, Julie has helped millions rethink what the end of life actually looks like. Her honest and compassionate approach to talking about death has made her a trusted voice online and led to her New York Times bestselling book, Nothing to Fear.

Julie shares how her TikTok unexpectedly exploded, leading to major media coverage and a book deal. More importantly, she explains what she’s learned from thousands of patients about the natural dying process—and why it’s often far more peaceful than people imagine.

We talk about:

• What actually happens in the body during a natural death
• Why people often lose hunger and thirst at the end of life
• Common end-of-life regrets people share
• Practical ways to prepare, from advance directives to organizing important information

This conversation is thoughtful, eye-opening, and surprisingly empowering. By understanding death a little better, we can learn how to live—and love—the time we have.

Connect with Julie McFadden

• Website - https://www.hospicenursejulie.com/
• Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/hospicenursejulie/
• Book - Have No Fear https://www.hospicenursejulie.com/book

Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:00

The most fascinating part that I learned just through being a hospice nurse and watching people die, what I would call a natural death, right? They're dying from something, but we're not doing interventions to stop them from dying, right? Was that our bodies knew how to do it. And most people were okay at the end of life because our bodies literally physiologically and biologically prepare us. So it shuts down the hunger and thirst mechanism. Our body will literally shut off the hunger and thirst mechanism in our brain because the body, the body knows, hey, it's getting close. And I know that I'm gonna feel better the drier I am, meaning the more dehydrated I am. So it shuts off the hunger and thirst mechanism. It makes people sleep more. So they'll be sleeping more, eating and drinking less, sleeping more, eating and drinking less. And that will physiologically help them die.

SPEAKER_01 0:54

Hi there, I'm Jen Cassetta, your chief badass three officer. If you're feeling drained, hesitant, stuck in self-doubt, or you just have a case of the vlogs, the Art of Badasserie podcast is here to help you unleash your mojo once and for all. We'll provide you with tips, techniques, and real-life examples of how you can kick ass in all areas of your life. You'll learn how to flex your mental muscles, rise above fears, and turn setbacks into superpowers. So let's enter the dojo and let's get to work. Welcome to the Art of Badasserie Podcast. I'm Jen Cassetta, your chief badassery officer, and today I have a very special guest. But before we get into this amazing episode, I want to just share something with you. A little secret that I've been doing this whole time is setting an intention for each episode with my guest behind the scenes before I hit record. And today I thought, you know what? Why do I, why am I doing that behind the scenes? I want to do it with you all because I want to share with you that the purpose of this podcast is to lift you up, to make you feel better, to give you some hope in a dark world, to give you some tips or different ways to think about things to help you elevate your energy, your vibration, your frequency. And hopefully that will then spread to somebody else on this planet. So, Julie, do you want to add anything to that intention today? Oh man, that's perfect.

SPEAKER_03 2:30

I was just thinking, like, how amazing is that? I little things go a long way. So, like, I think about when I'm having a really hard day, especially with everything going on in the world, like you said. And then I can remember like I was feeling all vulnerable and raw and being like, what's going on with this world? And then the barista that I go to frequently handed me my coffee and gave me like the sweetest, most truthful smile. And it honestly brought tears to my eyes. And that just happened a couple of days ago. And I remember thinking like this things like this are what matter, like the truth about connection and about how it can really lift this up. So that's very long-winded, but that's what I thought when you were talking. I hope this podcast is about spreading truth because I think truth connects us and inspires us. So I hope we can do that.

SPEAKER_01 3:18

So beautiful. And everyone, this is Julie McFadden. Julie McFadden has been a nurse for 17 years, and I'm going to talk about nursing in a second. But Julie is an experienced ICU and now hospice palliative nurse. She's been featured in Time Magazine, Newsweek, Good Morning America, USA Today, and others. Julie's passionate about normalizing death through education to the masses using social media and her New York Times best-selling book, Nothing to Fear. She has over 4 million followers across her platforms. And you can find her at Hospice Nurse Julie. Oh my goodness. Julie, I just listened to the book. So everyone out there, I just have to say, you need to listen to this book. Um, I have so many questions for Julie. I'm gonna get into it, but I do also have to say this. I think nurses are a special breed of humans. I could never ever be a nurse. I am the most squeamish, like person, pee-poop blood. I just I can't go there. And I think of nurses and the work they do and how selfless they are. And I am just completely humbled by you all. I just can't get over how special you are. Which also reminds me, shout out to my dear friend Sarah, who at the age of 40 just went back to become a nurse so she can help women birth children into this world.

SPEAKER_03 4:51

Amen, girl. I love that. People always write to me saying, Is such and such age too old? Is it too old? No, no, it's gonna be over before you know it, and you're gonna be nursing, and it's gonna and you're not gonna believe that it's happening and that you're already there. For real. For if you're ever thinking about going to nursing school, just do it. Just do it. It'll be over like that. Torturing and torturing, but it will be over quicker than you think.

SPEAKER_01 5:20

Oh my god, Julie, where do we begin with the book? I really love this book, nothing to fear. And so I I think I'd love to just hear about your journey. Like, obviously, 17 years of nursing, but then what made you start getting on social media and sharing and then write the book?

SPEAKER_03 5:37

This whole experience of being on social media, writing a book, having a platform has really been one of my greatest gifts and one of the best like surprises of my life. I've never tried to do this. I feel like a lot of people say that, and I hope a lot of people mean it. I am one of the people that mean it. I really was not trying. I still don't really try, thank God. Because if I think if I had to try, I wouldn't be able to do it the way I do it. But I'm a nurse, I've been a nurse for 17 years. I really need to do the math to figure out like how long was I an ICU nurse versus how long I've been a hospice nurse. I used to say about half and half, but now I think I'm actually been I've been a hospice nurse longer now. So I was an ICU nurse for many years, which kind of killed me. And like definitely the whole like nurse burnout thing was real for me. And I really thought I just made the wrong choice in my career. I'm not meant to be a nurse. This isn't for me. And then thankfully, I was like, I don't know what else to do. And I worked so hard for this, so I moved around a lot until I went into hospice nursing. And then that really started my love for nursing. Or and how many years ago was that? That was probably about 10 years ago.

unknown 6:49

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 6:49

Again, I have to I've been saying this for years. I'm gonna sit down and like really try to figure it out. But it's about 10 years ago, and that's when I really fell in love with nursing. I found like my niche. I loved it, and then I would did that probably for another five years. And I still hospice nurse now, but and I fell in love with it so much that in five years, people started like my family, friends, when people were dying, their loved ones were dying, they'd come to me and start talking to me about what was going on, and I would just rattle off all the stuff I had rattled off throughout my day. And they would be like, Oh my god, I cannot believe all this stuff. I can't believe I've known you for years and we've never talked about this. This is incredible. You should tell people about this. And that's what kind of got me started on this whole idea of should I start a social media thing, which then turned into like my going home and being with my nieces who are on TikTok, which I wasn't on TikTok. And I say all this because it is like a that is how I got to this to writing a book, right? So I got on TikTok, my TikTok went viral immediately, which is like how it would have had to go because I don't have the attention span to like really keep working at something. Really, it was like four videos in, I had like 10,000 followers. Like a month later, I had a hundred thousand, a year later, I had a million. In between that time, Newsweek wrote an article about me, didn't even they didn't even tell me PS. People always think that like articles will tell, like they I did not even know this was happening. I woke up in the morning and there was an email from Newsweek that said, We're writing an article about you this morning. Do you have any comments? And I was like, What? It was already published. I I because I went to the Newsweek and it was already a published article. And then I wrote back, No, it's a great article. Thank you. And that article went mega viral, like worldwide viral. So thank you. I can't remember who wrote it. I should know this because they changed my life. And then because of that, I got a literary agent, and because of that, I got a book deal. And then because of that, I have a New York Times bestselling book with Tarcher, correct? Yes, Tarcher.

SPEAKER_01 8:55

You and I are sharing a publisher because that's gonna be that is the publisher of my new book coming out next year.

SPEAKER_03 9:01

Oh my gosh, that's amazing. I have another book coming out with them too. Wow. They're great, they're wonderful. Yes. So, like this whole thing, I say all this to say that like when you're in the flow of things, which like I have tried to manufacture many things in my life, right? And try to be like, what's the right choice? I don't know. What's my higher power saying? What's the universe calling me to do? This was something where it was like, this just felt like it happened. And so what I can say about being in the flow of life is it just flows. Like it did not feel like I had to do anything for it, and it still doesn't feel like that. Hence why I try really hard to not take myself too serious. My handle on social media, if people don't know, is hospice nurse Julie. And I have things now, like we were talking earlier, like a manager, and I do this more than I actually nurse. And many people in my life want me to like, what's the brand? What are you doing next? What are the and I work really hard to go like, I'm just gonna keep with my heart, which is I love educating and I love hospice, and I'm gonna continue to work. And I'm just gonna let it unfold because the more I try to take it too serious, take myself too serious, take the quote unquote brand too serious, it feels icky.

SPEAKER_01 10:22

It doesn't feel right, it doesn't feel like in flow. I love that. And that is chapter eight of my upcoming book, yes, greater force in the book Secrets of the Sensei. So that I should have interviewed you for that chapter.

SPEAKER_03 10:37

That sounds like a great chapter.

SPEAKER_01 10:38

Honestly, that's how I built my career as well. And I think not a lot of people, not especially like successful people, not a lot of people talk about that. Just following the yeses, the things that feel good, the things that are easy for you.

SPEAKER_03 10:52

I think that's a great yeah, the things that are easy for you. And I knew what I wanted to talk about. It comes very easy. I literally just turn on the camera and go blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. And like sometimes it hits and sometimes it doesn't. It's at least it's gonna help somebody, hopefully.

SPEAKER_01 11:07

Yes, and Julie, you're talking about a topic that every single person is will or is dealing with, right? That is death. So forgot to tell you guys, we're talking about death today. Oh, yeah. Everyone's like, what? What's going on? Death and dying educator. Death and dying. And I happen to love this topic. I think there's such a beautiful spin to it, something that we don't again think of a lot. But if you out there also enjoy this topic, make sure you go back to my episode with Deborah Hanlon, who's the medium, and we talked all about grief and but again in a really positive way. So I think today's conversation is going to be like that based on the your book that I read. So can we dive into that? Yes, please. All right. You say that we have nothing to fear. So can you obviously I know there's a lot, but what happens physiologically in the body at the end of life that most people don't understand?

SPEAKER_03 12:12

Yes, this is the most fascinating part about death and dying that I think and I learned when I became a hospice nurse, because that's an ICU nurse. We were doing everything to keep someone alive. Survival at all costs is what it felt like for not everybody, but for some of my patients, which is what I was like, this is not, we need to do something different because we do all of this and then they still die because death is inevitable, unfortunately. That is where we are. Yeah. And so what I learned as a hospice nurse, and it took about a year because I did not know this. Because they don't really teach you this in nursing school. There's a little part of it about like death and dying, but they don't really teach you it. The most fascinating part that I learned just through being a hospice nurse and watching people die, what I would call a natural death, right? They're dying from something, but we're not doing interventions to stop them from dying, right? Was that our bodies knew how to do it. And most people were okay at the end of life because our bodies literally physiologically and biologically prepare us. So it shuts down the hunger and thirst mechanism. Our body will literally shut off the hunger and thirst mechanism in our brain because the body, the body knows, hey, it's getting close. And I know that I'm gonna feel better the drier I am, meaning the more dehydrated I am. So it shuts off the hunger and thirst mechanism, it makes people sleep more. So they'll be sleeping more, eating and drinking less, sleeping more, eating and drinking less. There, and that will physiologically help them die at the very end of life. If the body can get into ketosis, which we don't try to do that, but we just allow the natural processes to happen, which it can a lot of times go into ketosis, which it releases endorphins to help dull pain, help you feel euphoric. And that's so brilliant. Thank you. And the more I watch that, the more I was like, whoa, we don't I don't have to do much as a hospice nurse. Now, I don't like to say that because then it gives like hospice nurses, like like we don't do anything. But the body knows how to die. That's the main thing I saw. And yes, the hospice nurses and doctors and the team is there to help with symptoms from the disease that you're dying from, not symptoms from death. Death is not painful. Diseases you die from can cause pain, and we can help with that. But generally speaking, our body has many built-in mechanisms to help us die and to help us die peacefully.

SPEAKER_01 14:44

Yeah, that is so fascinating. Okay, I just I have to get into it because my favorite story, and you share a lot of stories in the book, was was it Randy? Is that his name? Randy. Yeah, can you just share that story and then we can talk about what you believe happens after death? I have some ideas, obviously nobody knows, but this story just I literally was in my car listening to it, and tears just started streaming down my face.

SPEAKER_03 15:14

Oh my gosh, thank you. First off, thank you so much for loving my book so much. And I did the audio book, by the way, which was I don't know if you did, yeah, because you have a book, right? You have a book out already. Yeah, did you do the audiobook? Of course. I'm so glad I did it, and I'll do it again for my next one. But it was hard. So I realized how hard it was to read my own book. Like, this is really difficult. So anyway, so Randy is one of my favorite patients of all time, I will say. I I guess I do have favorites. He was a younger guy who came onto service. When I say younger, he was in his 50s. That's young to me. Yeah, young to me. He came on to service in his 50s. He didn't really have anybody, family around, friends around. He was a massive hoarder and he had a lot of mental health issues. And when we first came in, it was like because he knew he was dying, he was suddenly like burst open and like ready for change, ready for help, ready to let us in. Wow. And within that first week, he allowed because it's not just me, it's the social worker, there's a chaplain, there's a lot of people on the team that are trying to help us uh help our patients. Our social worker got a hold of like distant relatives who decided to come in and help declutter Randy's house. And I say all this because it matters in the story. But so within a week, we had him in a safe place to stay, his apartment still, decluttered house, and family who had visited and had then since left. And he looked like a new person when I saw him the next time. He was like happy to be living, so happy we were there, so happy he was able to like let go of the things he was holding on to. Because everyone knows, like, hoarding is not just about cleaning up. So the fact that he was willing and able to truly let people come in and change his world was amazing. It was like he shed all of this stuff. And I feel like because of that, or I don't know why, but I feel like it helped. He lived for quite a long time for someone with the disease he had. He probably lived for another nine months in really well too. Like he didn't have tons of symptoms, he was functioning. So, as a team, we really got to know this guy. And he was young, so he was like great. So, we a lot of times when I went to go visit him for my nursing visits, we just talked like about life. He was super introspective, really uh philosophical. And like I could ask him questions about was he afraid to die? What did he think about death? Did he believe in an afterlife? And we would just talk about that kind of stuff. And I never tried to get him to believe in anything, I just wanted to know what he thought. And what he thought was, I don't know, but I hope so. Yeah, he did have some fear, and he did have regrets about wishing he could have been more open through his life because now his last months of life, he's finally open, he's finally having these connections. Anyway, I say all this to say we got really close with him. We all like loved Randy, and I wish I could tell you his real name. I wish I could show you his picture. I can picture him right now. I want everyone to know this guy. He was just so wonderful. And on his last days, he did need a continuous care nurse in his house, which doesn't happen all the time on hospice, but it happens when someone's symptoms are a little out of control and you need a nurse there 24-7. His were managed, but we needed someone there 24-7 to manage them. So I was the nurse coming in every day checking on the nurse that was there and checking on him. On his last day, I could tell he died that day just by the way he was breathing. He's unconscious, which we can get into because people dying usually all look the same at the end, which is like unconscious and not at all in the book.

SPEAKER_01 18:47

Just so if anyone wants to really, if anyone's in it right now, I really recommend that particular chapter that you go.

SPEAKER_03 18:54

Yes, the book is an educational book, primarily, with like stories interwoven, so it doesn't feel like a textbook, is what I try to say. But it's for education for sure. So on that last day I could tell, okay, he's going today. And I said to the continuous care nurse, like, please text me when he dies, just so I know like exactly when he dies. And I said my goodbyes to him in my head, and I walked out of the apartment. And I felt sad, but mostly happy, mostly happy, like, man. And I was talking to him the whole way. I hope you have a good journey. Thank you so much. Like, I'm so grateful we were able to give you a peaceful death. And I get in my car and I get ready to leave to go to the next patient, and I sit there again and I like look at his apartment. I close my eyes and I'm like, oh, kind of like Randy, like, I just love you so much. Thank you for everything. And then all of a sudden, Jennifer, as because you read the book, but all of a sudden, I heard his voice in my head. And I felt like the car, like I felt like I was like, kind of transformed a little bit to a more expansive place. And the first thing he said was, Oh my gosh, Julie. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. And he just kept saying that, oh my gosh, Julie, oh my gosh. And if you're watching this, I have a smile on my face and I'm like excited because that is how he felt. It felt like he was like showing me, like, oh my gosh, Julie, oh my gosh. And like he was soaring. And he didn't actually say much. He just kept saying, Oh my gosh, Julie, oh my gosh, but he was making me feel things, like telling me things kind of without words. And the message he was saying was, oh my gosh, if I only would have known, if I only would have known how good it is, I wouldn't have been so afraid.

SPEAKER_02 20:35

I I cry every time I tell it because it's just it was so beautiful.

SPEAKER_03 20:40

I'm getting the feeling that I got in the car. It's like I cannot help but weep. Like the feeling he gives me is like, if I only would have known, if I only would have known, I wouldn't have been so afraid. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 20:51

This is so amazing. This is so wonderful. I'm finally free. I'm finally free.

SPEAKER_03 20:57

And again, he's not saying those words. It's like a feeling, it's like this how I feel right now. And I'm not crying tears of sadness, I'm crying tears of overwhelm because it's so beautiful.

SPEAKER_01 21:07

Now you get to share that with so many people because of my relationship with Randy.

SPEAKER_03 21:12

And honestly, I never thought I would because when this happened, as quick as it as quickly as it happened, so he's he shows me this, he tells me this, right? And I'm crying in my car, and he's like making me feel all these wonderful things and telling me how free and happy and not scared he is. And then suddenly, like back in my car. Yeah. And like he's gone and this is gone. And I my phone beeps and I look, and it's the nurse inside that said, Randy just died. And I thought, oh my god, like I know. I feel like he just showed me what it was like to like transition over to whatever death is. And I didn't say that to her, of course. I just said, Thank you. Stuff like this isn't like totally happened to me. I'm not like someone who's just this is happening to all the time as a hospice nurse. This has never happened, and it hasn't happened since. So I like wipe my tears. I'm kind of like, oh my God, I gotta get my next patient. What the hell was that? What just happened? Was that real? Did I make that up? And I didn't tell anybody for years because I am a nurse and I'm a nurse who believes in science and I love case studies. Like I just said, someone who isn't quickly going to go, guess what I experienced? I think someone showed me what it was like to die. I go to, I'm making this up. It didn't really happen. Uh that wasn't real. But it still shaped how I felt about death and dying. I bet what I feel about how what I feel about where we go when we die, and it really solidified more of what I believe. So years later, years and years later, when I did start this channel, and people kept saying with the book Nothing to Fear and my stories of I don't fear death. It's everyone kept going, why? And finally I was like, okay, screw it. I guess I'll tell them why. And this is just one of the reasons why. I did, I do have more reasons why I don't fear death. But this is one very big reason why.

SPEAKER_01 22:59

So I chose to share it. Amazing. And obviously, everyone out there is probably thinking of someone in their life, blah, blah, blah. My grandfather had a near-death experience. And when he came back, he told my mom and his other kids that he saw this light and being he was going towards the light, but he came back and he said, I came back to tell you all not to be afraid. Oh, I know. And my grandfather was not a deep guy, the guy from Queens, not deep. And then of course I remember my dad in his hospital bed the week we had one week with my dad when we even knew he was sick to his death. And which I want to discuss a topic on that with you. But he told my mom that he wasn't afraid either. He was like the day before he died or the morning of when he died, he said that to her. I'm not afraid. Can you maybe share a little bit how your beliefs have shifted from seeing so many people die peacefully?

SPEAKER_03 24:02

Yeah. As a little girl, I feel like I've always been connected to something. I've always been someone who like thought about existential things and like why are we here? Where do we go? And it's played, it's been like a beautiful thing and plagued me, right? Because it's been a lot of searching. And I've just always been interested in what this is all about. What is life all about, right? And where do we go when we die? And where were we before we were born? And I've always had this sense of connection to something greater. And sometimes in my life that had been religious, right? I didn't grow up at all religious, but I have I've had experiences with Christianity. And the more I explored that, the more became less dogmatic and more spiritual, only through my experiences, only through the love of what I think is something higher and greater than me, that has taught me and shown me that it's like bigger than any religion, in my opinion. And hospice has only solidified that because of the peace people get, because of the things people say, because of the feelings I get when I'm watching someone die or watching someone be birthed. I always say, like a thing I say over and over again is I've always been homesick for a place that I can't quite remember that I've forgotten. He said that in the book, and I remember that line because it was so beautiful. I've always felt homesick for a place I can't remember or a place I've forgotten. Yeah. I can't quite remember. It's like there, and again, I cry. First off, I cry. But it's but I feel that place so strongly when I watch someone die. When I watch someone actively dying. And I say actively dying because they're so close. And I think because it's not my person, the grief is removed that I don't have this grief that's like over the thing, which I understand. I'm just watching the love. It's so beautiful. And they're so close to this place that I know that I have forgotten. And the same with a baby. I feel like we really do go back to a place we've we've already been, and it's going to feel more like home than here ever could.

SPEAKER_01 26:09

I love that so much. And in my meditation practices, I feel like I've gotten to places that are so vibrationally high, if that makes sense. Like almost like touching source. And I feel like source energy is the highest frequency in the universe. And I feel like we all go back to source when we die. And re again, reading this book only just solidified my belief in that as well. Yeah. We just go back to this beautiful point. Who knows? Anyway, now I want to get into it. There's just so much we can talk about, right? I know. But I guess I can talk about it forever too. Yeah. And I want to talk about kind of some practical stuff too. Something that really was clear in this book is that if given the choice, again, in my dad's situation, we didn't know he was gonna die. So I wish I had read this book before that and maybe had a clue. Maybe I couldn't, we could have made his the last few days a little more special. We did, we were doing our best to try to make him obviously as comfortable as possible. It's a long story, but he wound up having a tumor that was totally up his spine. Uh operated to try and you know remove it. But in that process, he was paralyzed from the neck down. This was a man who was the most fit, most active, most healthy martial artist, like all the things. So we could it was so shocking that this happened. And again, we didn't expect that he was gonna die. But so what was so nice about your book was like, okay, if you have that opportunity and you know someone is in their final stages of life, you can through the book, you can really set that up to have people like to curate almost a beautiful death. Can you maybe share either experiences or stories or how someone can go about doing that?

SPEAKER_03 28:13

Yeah, so I always try to help people grasp about the death things. I think we can say that all the time. Like we know we die, but like to really grasp it is okay, so we know we're gonna, we know we're gonna die. Yeah. And there are some people that will know more than others, right? Some people get in car accidents, unfortunately, these sudden things that you're like not really ready for. And then sometimes you get certain diagnoses that you know this is probably gonna be it. I don't know when, but this is probably gonna be what I die from. And I only say it that bluntly because I think it needs to be, because the more we know, the better we can be like, okay, now what? Now what? Because you're not dead yet, but likely this will be your end-of-life journey. You're on it, babe. You're on it. And it could be days or years, but yes, on the journey. But you're on the journey, and I think the more you start understanding that and the more clearer healthcare professionals are with people on this journey, the better it will be, which is again something we need to work on as healthcare workers about because what people hang on to is the like the 1% statistic, which I understand, but I think it really does us a disservice. I think what's better is to know, okay, this is likely my end of life journey. We don't know how long, but I know it, but I know it's starting. So now what? And I think just reframing your life around that will help you curate how you want to live out the rest of your life, right? What your values are. It doesn't mean go jump out of a plane. However, if that's what you've always wanted to do, go do it. But it just means like, where do you want to be living? Do you want to be living closer to your parents if they're still alive or closer to your sister? Or how like how much do you love your coffee in the morning, or how much do you love that morning walk? Or there's just things that kind of like will start coming up for you, going, Oh yeah, I actually now that I know this is like limited time, I want to be calling this person more or doing this thing more, whatever it is, right? And preparing, knowing what your disease, like the lot, like the practical things are knowing how your disease will likely progress. What are some symptoms you might that might come into play? Now is the time to talk about it, not when you start having it. Just start talking, let's start talking about it. Let's start knowing what you want. Do you want to be at home? Do you want, do you have money for caregivers? These are like practical, annoying, awful things that you don't want to think about. But I'm telling you, if you start, it's just gonna make things so much better. And having conversations with everyone that you know and love so they understand right what you want, where you want to be, how you want this to look, how you want to spend your time. Everyone that I've seen do that never regrets it and has more peaceful death. Wow. Because they are they have prepared and they have thought about it. And I truly do contemplate my own death, my own mortality on a daily basis. Yeah, morbid. It's beautiful, it really helps me be like the sunshine on my face. Oh my gosh, I love this coffee. I love my bed. Oh mess. Because without it, you're just going through your life taking everything for granted and no shade. I get it. It's so easy to go on like autopilot. Yes, this helps you not be on autopilot.

SPEAKER_01 31:39

And I bet there, I bet you've seen like relationships either heal or I can't even imagine all the things that happen at the end of the lot of life between people you know in your life that you may have contentious relationships with, or are and I know there are stories in the book, but anything you want to share there? People die the way they live, too.

SPEAKER_03 32:05

No, if people have been emotionally immature their whole life, death is not going to suddenly make them more emotionally mature, except for a rare few, like Randy, right? Like people who suddenly death helps them be like, Whoa, I need to say I love you more. But a lot of times, if you're listening to this podcast, you're likely someone who is already on this path, on this journey of being open and talking and emotionally mature or trying to get there anyway. But you might be dealing with someone who's always been emotionally immature or unable or unwilling to go there. And if that is the case, and the person who is dying is the the emotionally immature one, that's their journey, right? You personally can still have your own journey on how you want to show up for them, what you're willing to put up with, and what you're willing not to put up with, can you accept where they are? That's a lot of what I see. It's not like always kumbaya, everyone coming together. It's what I would say is use your hospice team, use your social worker, your chaplain. They are there for the family as well, not just the patient. Great advice. Family, yeah, you can have family meetings, you can in which they can help facilitate these conversations, or you can just talk to them on your own. The chaplain and the social worker will talk to family, they don't need to always talk to the patient. So great advice, yeah. And if you're actually thinking of a story, Jennifer, please remind me because I can't actually think of it. I'm sure there are stories that are beautiful in the book of not like registering.

SPEAKER_01 33:38

The one that also got me was there was a woman that was dying and she had like her loved ones in the bed with her. And oh, so this is what I want to talk about, which is planning your death. Yes. Can we talk? Can you just share? Because I find that a very fascinating topic. Legal in some states, not legal in others, legal in Canada, I believe. Like, share about that.

SPEAKER_03 34:02

Yeah, the medical, so medical aid in dying, which is basically you take medication to end your own life if you meet criteria, which I can get into. But that is legal in 12 different states, maybe 13 now in the US. So in the US, you can legally do this in some states. Now, Canada, much freer, and doctors do it for you, and there's like different rules, Canada and other countries. But in the United States, it is legal, but it's hard to get information, basically. It'd be really hard for me just to rattle off all the states that do it. But there, I have tons of videos about it, and it's in my book. The criteria is a doctor has to tell you you have less than six months to live. You have to be mentally sound and be able to make decisions on your own, and you have to be able to physically take the medication yourself. So that does take out people with like people with dementia, do not qualify because by the time you have six months left to live, you cannot make your own decisions. So even if you make this decision prior to this, it doesn't matter. So there are some, I think, annoying rules that disqualify a lot of people.

SPEAKER_04 35:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 35:10

You also have to get a second physician, usually a couple weeks to a month later, to also say, yes, this is true, and yes, you are still capable and all the things. So there's a lot of hoops to jump through. Not many people who know all of the hoops. So it's really good if you ever are interested in this to make sure you're vocal with your doctors and your nurses about it, because we are not allowed to say, Hey, did you know that you had there's this medication out there? You're not allowed to do that. But if they say to you, I wish there was, or I'm interested in this, then we can offer. Yeah, and you can always, I would always suggest Googling like your state in death with dignity, because there's usually certain organizations per state that will help you organize it and sooner rather than later.

SPEAKER_01 35:57

I go ahead. I don't want to cut you off, but I also am have two other things that I want to talk about. But I would just say to everyone, get the book because you need to read the story about this woman that I'm referring to who does death with dignity. Yeah, it's a beautiful story. Yeah, beautiful. It's beautiful, and it's just another way of thinking about death as d designing it, curating it the way curating it and having control over it.

SPEAKER_03 36:22

That's what the I feel like that's what the story in my book talks about is like this person finally getting control back. And the first time I witnessed it, and believe me, I'm all for this, so I'm not against it whatsoever. But it still is jarring to see someone pretty fully alive and then drink medication and then not be. It is still wild to be like, wow, okay, okay, and but the family was all around them.

SPEAKER_01 36:46

And again, I don't know why there's such a stigma around talking about this, like, or having it legal in all the states, but it's just other people's choices, yeah. And so many things in this country, it's like, why can't we just let people live the way they want to die? So, two quick things before we start to rap. I want to respect your time. Regrets, and then I'm back to logistics. My brain just goes in between. I'm writing a whole second book on regrets. Oh, 2027. Awesome. What month is it coming out? June. Great. June 2027. Then without giving us the book, obviously, what's the top most said regret that you've heard?

SPEAKER_03 37:34

The top most said regret that I've heard is regretting not appreciating their health when they had it. So a lot of people, the misconception about regrets around death is that there are people just going, I'm fully insightful now and I regret how I've lived. And let me tell you, hospice nurse, like it's usually not how it goes. They might be saying it to family, but to me, as a hospice nurse, like some people are, but most people are not just like saying all of these insightful regrets that they have. But as a hospice nurse, just from doing it long enough, hearing little things here and there, and the main thing I hear is little things like, I wish I would have appreciated like those walks I used to take, or like being able to go up and down my stairs, showering alone, how food tastes, right? Because sometimes they're not really hungry, but they do miss, they love people love food. I love food, and they'll try to eat like their favorite wings that they've always loved. And then they get it and they're like, Yeah, it's good, but I can have a half a bite, or it just doesn't taste the same because their hunger is not there anymore, right? And they wish that they would have appreciated that. And that's when, like, when people say the small things are important, right? We hear that all the time. But this is a perfect example of like small, these small little things that make life so amazing. Take for granted that we can get out of bed and feel the hot shower and brush our teeth by ourselves. Those are the things that I always hear people who can't do that anymore because they're getting towards the end of life, and you do become more dependent.

SPEAKER_01 39:13

Yeah, they regret not savoring those things. Okay, everyone, here's your homework, and I'm gonna take it on too for the next 24 hours. Everything you do, just put a little more appreciation into it. The getting out of the bed, the walking, the exercise if you do it, the beautiful food that you're tasting. I'm gonna just put a little more intention for the next 24 hours and feel what that feels like.

SPEAKER_03 39:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 39:38

Yeah. Okay. Last thing is if there's one thing that healthy people can do right now to get their affairs in order. God forbid the worst case happened. Is there one thing that you like to recommend for people? Fill out an advanced directive.

SPEAKER_03 39:59

Sounds what the heck? It's annoying, and I get it, but just Google advanced directive, my state, right? My state, advanced directive. Or five wishes, my state. And this will not make everything legal, but if you can usually get it at a hospital too, or your doctor's office, like there's or you could print it out. There's it's annoying, right? But it's you should do it no matter what age. If you are listening to this and you are 25, it does not matter. And it's gonna change, it's gonna change, obviously, if you get to age. Luckily, hopefully, if we get lucky enough to age. But filling that out, and even you yourself thinking about these things, what would I want? And then with advanced directives, because there's easier things to fill out, but I want to do an advanced directive because it's more detailed, it's more detailed, and then make people know that you have make your mom, your dad, your sister, your brother, your best friends, anyone around you, you need to start talking about the things that you would and would not want. And they're all gonna go, Oh my god, you're so morbid.

SPEAKER_01 41:01

What are we doing? It doesn't matter. You yeah, my mother, since I'm a kid, used to say, When I die, just wrap me in a sheet or something and cremate me. I'm like, Why are you telling me this? But now I still know what you really want before. Yes, exactly. So I want a party, I don't want a funeral. So that's my direction.

SPEAKER_03 41:19

Everyone go, yes. You want a party, you don't want a funeral. Also, one more thing, uh, because these are two the advanced directives are darling, but it's very good. Oh, it's okay. I just thought of that. Right? Yes, and then things you want to think about is like if something drastic were to happen, car accident, and I'm on machines, how long should I be on machines? And you can write in ex like in detail. If they say there is a chance I could come back, then yes, maybe keep me on machines for three weeks. You can be really detailed, and you should be, because that's a it's it takes the burden off your family. Because I know there's so many family members that have the burden of did I do it too soon? Do we turn things off too soon, keeping people alive at all costs? It's it's horrific. It's horrific.

SPEAKER_01 42:04

If my sister wasn't a doctor and in that process with us, I don't know what would have happened with my dad. Like it would have been a very different situation. But yeah, again, I was lucky enough to have her there directing the those last few decisions, and I am so grateful for her.

SPEAKER_03 42:25

And tell people your path have your passwords to like your bank account, your phone, and like all these things, have them somewhere, and then only a trusted person, but make sure they know where they are because that's a big thing. People's passwords, yes, the phone, to the email, to the bank account.

SPEAKER_01 42:39

Julie, I want to stay on for another hour. This was so cool. It really moves me. It makes me think how I want to live my life. And I hope everyone out there, you got something from this too. I'm sure you did. Everyone, please get Julie's book. Tell us what it is, where we can find it, and where we can find you before I have four rapid fire questions for you. Oh, I love it. I love rapid fire.

SPEAKER_03 43:03

Okay, so my book is called Nothing to Fear by me, Julie McFadden. And you can get it anywhere you get books, any literally anywhere, wherever you and it's also an Audible, like you said, so you can also listen to it. You can find me on any platform at hospice nurse Julie. You can go to my website, hospiceNurseJulie.com. Okay, are you ready? Ready.

SPEAKER_01 43:25

What was your favorite food when you were a kid? Burger and fries. Okay, next question. And I know you're sober, you talk about it publicly, but if you could have a drink, any drink, with someone alive or dead, who would it be and what's in your cup?

SPEAKER_03 43:39

Topo Chico.

SPEAKER_01 43:42

Oh, and I guess Oprah. Not I guess, but like we just between Oprah and Jesus. Yeah. And then what's your favorite self-help book or personal development or spiritual book? Something like that. The big book of Alcoholics Anonymous, which I'm probably not supposed to talk about.

SPEAKER_03 43:57

But here we are. Or the power of now. Or the untethered soul. Oh, there's so many. I love I went through a whole phase of self-help books, but those are top three.

SPEAKER_01 44:07

Okay. I love Untethered Soul. Let's go with that. And then last but not least, what's your favorite hype song? What's getting you out of bed in the morning?

SPEAKER_03 44:16

Right now, I honestly don't listen to much music, but right now I'm listening to one song called I'm So Blessed by I think it's Kane. I'm so blessed. Hallelujah, I'm blessed. Beautiful. That's perfect for you. It's really like uplifting. Yeah. Yeah. I'm P.S. I'm like the love thy neighbor Christian if I ever were to call myself a Christian, which I really don't, but just so everyone knows, I'm not like the Storm the Capital Christian.

SPEAKER_01 44:41

I hope we have you back when your next book comes out. So again, everyone, thank you so much for listening to this today. Spread the love, spread some knowledge, get maybe look into directive or have a conversation with someone that you might not have had. That will help them and you and lift the vibration. Thank you so much. If you haven't subscribed yet, do me a favor and click that button, leave a review. It helps me get the word out to more ears and more hearts around the world. Thanks so much, and see you next time on the Art of Badass Read podcast.