53 | Live Like You Give a Damn With Andrea Owen

Have you ever hit a point where you knew you were meant for more—but couldn’t quite figure out what was holding you back?

In this dynamic episode of The Art of Badassery podcast, host Jenn Cassetta welcomes back powerhouse guest Andrea Owen—global keynote speaker, life coach, and bestselling author. Andrea gets real about navigating setbacks like divorce and grad school rejection, and how those detours revealed unexpected gifts.

Together, they dive into what strong women truly wrestle with: confronting fear head-on, setting unshakeable boundaries, and managing relationships when your personal evolution outpaces those around you. Andrea also gives a sneak peek into her upcoming fourth book, packed with tangible guidance for women committed to continuous growth.

Tune in for an empowering, joy-filled conversation about choosing yourself, protecting your energy, and rising stronger through every season of life. 

Connect with Andrea Owens:

• Andrea’s website - https://andreaowen.com/
• Andrea’s podcast - Make Some Noise
• Andrea’s New Book - Live Like You Give a Damn

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

You have to get to a place where the pain of not setting boundaries, of not working on your childhood trauma stuff, of not telling people why you're actually being passive aggressive, that pain has to become too much. And it has to tip over from the fear that you have around actually having the hard conversation, like ripping that band-aid off. It has to. So the reps and sets that you're gonna do in the gym have to be worth it.

SPEAKER_00 0:30

Hi there, I'm Den Cassetta, your chief badassery officer. If you're feeling drained, hesitant, stuck in self-doubt, or you just have a case of the vlogs, the Art of Badassery podcast is here to help you unleash your mojo once and for all. We'll provide you with tips, techniques, and real-life examples of how you can kick heads in all areas of your life. You'll learn how to flex your mental muscles, rise above fears, and turn setbacks into superpowers. So let's enter the dojo and let's get to work. Welcome everyone to the Art of Badassery Podcast. I'm Jen Cassetta, your chief badassery officer, and I am so excited to have a two-time guest on the Art of Badass Re podcast, Miss Andrea Owen. Welcome back for episode number, I think this is gonna be 52, but your previous episode was number nine because I just checked.

SPEAKER_01 1:30

Oh, I made the top 10. I'm so happy to be back. It's always a fantastic excuse to get to talk to you. So I'm happy to be here with you.

SPEAKER_00 1:36

When you're audience, I should say, yeah. Awesome. And if you haven't listened to that episode, give it a listen. Go back to episode nine. But if you don't know who Andrea is just yet, Andrea Owen is a global keynote speaker and a professional certified life coach who helps high-achieving women maximize unshakable confidence, master their mindset, and magnify their courage. I love when I get amped just reading someone's bio.

unknown 2:03

Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 2:04

Her podcast, Make Some Noise, has over 4 million downloads. And I just checked almost 700 episodes. I just can't believe it. How long has that been going on?

SPEAKER_01 2:15

2013. I was an early adopter. Yes. I'm a professional yapper. I found out you could have a job talking into a microphone every week, and I was like, sign me up.

SPEAKER_00 2:24

And I'm sure if anyone else out there listening has a podcast, you're like, oh my God, 700 feels like years away for me. It would be years away from me. Why compare? Why compare? I gotta take my own advice. Andre is the author of not one, two, three, but now four books. The first was 52 Ways to Live a Kick-Ass Life. Number two was How to Stop Feeling Like Shit. Three was make some noise. And number four, which is coming out very soon, we'll make sure you give us the date, is live like you give a damn 25 bold moves to get honest, face the hard stuff, and show up for yourself. Yes. December 9th, 2025. Okay. So we're almost there. By the time this comes out, it'll be right around the same time. So that would make perfect holiday gifts for whom? Who did you write this out for?

SPEAKER_01 3:16

It's really for anyone between all of us. The publishers are marketing it towards women. And of course, I've worked with mostly women in my career. So many of the examples and stories I tell are about women's lives, but it really truly is for anyone who is either new or seasoned in their personal growth journey and just wants a light-ish read. It's not clinical. I don't deep dive into anything, but it's good like in your face personal growth advice.

SPEAKER_00 3:45

Yeah. Oh, speaking of clinical, so last time you were on, which I checked, was January 2024. So we must have recorded at the end of 2023. Yeah. You were just going back to school, I believe.

SPEAKER_01 3:57

Yes. So I had applied to graduate school for a counseling degree. It was really on the fence about applying in the first place and went back and forth. Should I do this? Should this be the next move in my career? I just left my marriage, didn't know for sure what was next. I decided to apply for grad school, not even thinking that I wouldn't get in. And I didn't get in. It was so shocking to me. I was like, do you know who I think I am? And it was just, they have an unprecedented amount of people applying for the counseling degree. It was all the things kind of got put into motion, probably my overconfidence. Anyway, I didn't get in. And coincidentally, months later, I ended up meeting somebody who works at that college and has now been my partner for 14 months. So interesting how worlds collide. Oh man. Yeah. No. I haven't announced it publicly. So it's just all these coincidences happened. So I did not go back to grad school. I'm still headed in the direction that, in terms of pivoting in my career a little bit, but I tell that story just to say, you never know what's gonna happen, everybody. The universe can't throw a curveball at you. And also a gift. Like 100%. You can't go to school, but here's your new boyfriend. That comes from the same college who works as a director in a totally different department. Yeah, at that same college. And when he told me he works at that college, I was like, oh, they didn't want me in their grandchildren.

SPEAKER_00 5:17

And meanwhile, but also don't they know who you are? You were a life coach before people knew what a life coach was.

SPEAKER_01 5:23

It just wasn't meant to be. Like, and I and I really I look at that and I think, okay, my essays were on point. Like I there's no I graduated with honors in undergrad. There really wasn't any reason, at least on the outside. So I really look at that as of course it was humbling, but look at it as the universe intervened and said, no, this isn't the right path for you, whether it wasn't the right school, it wasn't the right program, or whatever. Or timing. Exactly. I'm looking at it as a gift.

SPEAKER_00 5:50

Yes. Rejection is protection. Exactly. I believe it. I still believe that. Okay. So back then also, you were just starting to talk about the fact that you were going through a divorce. Yeah. So how are how have you been since then?

SPEAKER_01 6:05

Pretty bad at times, to be honest with you, Jen. I I it was a dark night of the soul for sure. And I just turned 50 this year. And I say that right behind you. I just turned 20. Okay. So you're living your last year, your 40s. I have definitely walked through some fires in my life. This was no different in terms of that. And I think that the differences for me the last few years, give and also to be fair, given that the it was were pandemic and perimenopause colliding with making a big decision of leaving my marriage put me in a particularly dark place. But I think that this time has been different. And what it has shown me in terms of life lessons is that sometimes our transition doesn't look like it has historically, and it doesn't look like how we think it's going to look. And so I'm used to having my life fall apart or going through a dark night of the soul and have, I don't know, even wrap it up in a few months. I might have some really dark days in there, but my friends will get me through it. And I could assure you that after probably six months, I'm on the other side, quote unquote. This has not been that way. I wrote a poem about it, and then I wrote a longer piece on Facebook and then made a podcast episode about it. And I'm calling it the longest sunrise because I feel like I'm at the place where I can see the other side. I can all of the life lessons are the points are coming together, but I'm not there yet. I'm feeling the burn of wanting it to go faster. So I'm surrendering to the universe and saying, okay, this is because I like things fast. I'm an Aries and it's not going at my pace. And so that's been honestly like the most excruciating part of all of it. It's not the divorce, it's not the perimenopause symptoms, it's not getting into grad school. Like, it's the length of time this whole life transition has taken. So hopefully people out there are listening thinking maybe that they're in that same place of like, when will this transition be? When will I get the full 180? Stay the course.

SPEAKER_00 8:16

Yes. Stay the course. So I'm writing my next book now. And I just wrote a whole section of a chapter on there's a lot of different quotes and stuff from ancient sensei. Because it's a sensei. And that Zen, I think it's a Zen proverb where it's fall down seven times, get back up eight. We've all heard it in different versions. And I went through my life, and there was literally seven knockdowns in a six-year period in my life that I share. And I'm just like, oh my God, how did I get through that those six years? It was pretty dark. But it's not all dark, right? You have bright moments, yes.

SPEAKER_01 9:00

Absolutely. I think like those are the things that kept me putting one foot in front of the other. And it's, I think that this particular transition that I went through, I noticed something about those moments. So when you're going through a dark night of the soul or having a knockdown moment, my hope is that you stay in a place in terms of your mental health where you can still see the joy and live the joy. What I found with this transition is that those days where I was really in my emotions. So I would have maybe I got a really difficult email from my lawyer or something. And so I went down into the depths of fear. And then at the same time was sharing a super joyful moment with even a client or something, or with my dog or something. Like it all felt more potent. And that was exhausting. That was exhausting. That was testing my emotional strength more than anything. It's the it was the roller coaster of it, like the agility, that's what was difficult.

SPEAKER_00 10:01

Interesting. Seeing the visual of the sun just at the horiz horizon, right? Like as long as I feel if you can hold your gaze there, even as you go through this, there's a knowing, there's a belief, there's a faith that things will turn around eventually. But keep your eye on that sunrise.

SPEAKER_01 10:23

Yeah. And I think too, maybe now I mentioned we're post-pandemic, you and I are recording this at the end of 2025. It's rough out there. Like just every everywhere we turn, there's people are fighting and people are or people are worried about getting snatched up. And it's so we've never, you're my age, like we've experienced some difficult things, like politically, culturally, socially, but nothing ever happens. And I think that we're all walking around in this collective burnout with this collective grief. Yeah. That adds to any personal dark night of the soul that we're all having. Oh, yeah. I just want to name that because I just don't think we name it enough.

SPEAKER_00 11:06

So it's like, how do we even make space to process those things, those personal things, when this, like you called it a collective grief is going on in the background. It's too much.

SPEAKER_01 11:16

Yeah. It's too much. I like to name it. I do a lot of executive coaching these days, and I get a decent amount of leaders who come to sessions and they're like, How do I keep my team motivated? How do I keep morale up? And I'm very frank with them. And I said, Essentially, you're asking people to care about something that they really don't care about. I'm just gonna say that. The business. It's just not a yeah, like making a company money. You're asking of them. And so I always encourage leaders, be transparent and just say what's there. You don't have to solve world problems, but I do think it helps with your human connection and trust with your team to say, hey, I know things are rough and uncertain out there. Just name it, just name it. I think that's so helpful.

SPEAKER_00 12:01

I agree. And you can bring Andrea or me into your company. Have a third party come in and name it for your group. It's a credit card. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 12:09

I will I'll come in and name it in your meetings. Do you know what I'm saying? On your behalf.

SPEAKER_00 12:14

There you go. Okay. So I want to dig into this new book. So you were in like the depths of going through divorce, and you're like, oh, I'm gonna write a fourth book. So tell me what what made you write this book? It to be honest, to say what's there, this is what I know.

SPEAKER_01 12:30

If you ask 10 people, what's the thing you could do in your sleep with your arms tied behind your back? For me, it's I could write a self-help book. Like I can I know how to grab onto ideas, solutions to problems that people might not even realize are their problems, like name the elephant in the room. That's like what I've always been great at. And so that's why I decided to write the book. I got the download when I was, I was driving around one day and had to pull over into this new neighborhood where they were building houses. This is when I was still in my marital home, and pull out my notes app to just start writing the chapters. Wow. And it was, it went back to basics things like finding your motivation, having a fierce throwdown with fear. It's like these basic concepts that I think that we skip over. We see a meme on Instagram or something that says, stop caring what other people think about you, or comparison is the thief of joy. It's like, oh, that sounds good in the moment, but what does that actually look like? And that's what I was trying to accomplish with this book is just really get down to brass tacks about how do I start from the beginning, even if I'm already in my personal development journey, because sometimes we forget. I need to go back down to basics too. I just reread a Wayne Dyer book that I read in, I don't know, the 90s.

SPEAKER_00 13:43

And I thought, oh yeah, I'm reminding myself what I learned back then, and that I got so much more depth to it this time around. I was like, wait, I read this. How come this is this sounds new to me? So it's always good to go back to the basics. So, with that said, I think this is going back to the basics is you open the book by asking readers to stop pretending they want to change. Why do you think so many people get stuck in that I'm almost ready, but not quite there faith?

SPEAKER_01 14:14

Yeah. And I use the metaphor of for a long time I wanted chickens. And I really knew chickens in your backyard. Yeah, like backyard chickens. Like I wanted a chicken coop. I wanted to like have fresh eggs, I wanted to have chickens to name. Like I was looking at all the positives of it. And then I really started to think about I didn't even have to do any YouTube tutorials or Googling. I knew, and I'm like, okay, chickens smell. I know that from being around chickens. It's a lot for them to clean up it to clean up. If you have dogs, you got to be careful. Cause at the time we had a bird dog, we had a literal hunting dog for birds. She's a German shirt at her pointer. Like, she's gonna, she's gonna eat those chickens. Yes. And so I realized, and I was telling my then husband, I was like, I like the idea of having chickens. I don't really like it in real life. And I think that happens a lot of people when they even when they hear Tony Robbins for the first time, or these like more like mainstream or like Mel Robbins, they like the the these ideas, but then when they really dig in and uh they like the idea of being a person who sets boundaries. Then when I say, Okay, so what conversation are you going to have with someone? How are you going to have the conversation and how are you going to enforce the boundary? Then they're like, never mind. They like the idea of changing, but when it comes down to taking action, because what I say in the book is like, in order to change your life, you have to change your life. And it's not easy. It's not going to be easy. It's going to be completely stepping out of your comfort zone. So that's where people get stuck. It's just the emotional fear.

SPEAKER_00 15:47

As a health coach, I was gonna say former, but I just don't do health coaching either, but I still have my health coach. I saw it all the time. People came to me. I want change, I want to change my health or my body, and they wouldn't do the work. So it's so normal, it happens all the time. I came from the fitness industry too.

SPEAKER_01 16:09

Like, I and I tell people all the time, like, I do I want six-pack abs and to be super lean. Absolutely. But as the owner of a very short torso, like I know. Do you have a short torso too? That's like none. I'm just like straight belly button to the boobs. Like in I know how much work and diet it's going to take for me to have do I want, do I want to give as much as I'm gonna get? Right. No, it's just absolutely not worth it to me. And so I think that's the decision people really need to like for me. I got to a place where, and I think this is where everyone needs to get to, you have to get to a place where the pain of not setting boundaries, of not working on your childhood trauma stuff, of not telling people why you're actually being passive aggressive, that pain has to become too much and it has to tip over from the fear that you have around actually having the hard conversation, like ripping that band-aid off. It has to. So the reps and sets that you're gonna do in the gym have to be worth it for you to get the outcome. And that's where people, a lot of people are like, ah, it's not actually worth it. And I'm like, okay, yeah, that makes sense.

SPEAKER_00 17:22

So you also talk about beliefs, which is a basic self-help concept. But let's dig into them a little bit. What's one belief that you had to rewrite in your life to live like you give a damn?

SPEAKER_01 17:36

I had to and like bel core beliefs are one of those things that we could make parody videos all day long about how just how stereotypical it is in our industry. But stereotypes a lot of times are stereotypes because they're real. And I have found after being in the wellness industry for 20 years, coaching more specifically for about 17, that we develop beliefs in all areas of our life and they change and morph as our life goes on. And they tend to get sneakier and sneakier the more self-aware you become, and the faster you get at making those connections. So, for instance, like I had to first realize that I had a belief that if I picked myself, if I didn't keep self-abandoning, because I was self-abandoning over and over, I wasn't picking myself, I was doing everything for everybody else. And I'm generalizing, I don't mean to be so definitive with that. I was doing a lot of things for other people. And I realized that I had a belief that if I chose myself, if I always bet on myself that things would fall apart. Why do you interesting belief? I believed that by choosing other people, in other words, like by putting them first, by doing everything I could to not inconvenience people, by doing everything that I could not to hurt anyone's feelings, to make sure that their comfort came before my own. I wasn't choosing myself in all of those instances. So I made I had made up a subconscious story that if I set boundaries or if I matched someone's energy, or if I said no to things that I normally said yes to, then everyone would end up hating me. I would have no one to rely on anymore, no one would love me anymore, no one certainly nobody would like me. So I had to look at that belief square in the eye and kind of dance with it a little bit in order to start working on even making that huge decision of having the conversation to leave my marriage. Because by doing that, I was essentially pushing back on all of my beliefs and realizing, okay, if I make this decision to leave my marriage, I'm putting myself first for the first time. In a big way. And so that was one belief.

SPEAKER_00 19:55

Can I ask what led you to that decision?

SPEAKER_01 19:59

I think that it was one question that our marriage counselor asked in one of our last sessions, and it was one that stayed with me long after we even had the session. He said he was talking to both of us, and he said, if nothing changed in the marriage, and you both had to go home and just accept each other as you are exactly right now, all full acceptance of your partner, would you be able to do that? And he was asking me, and I said, Absolutely. I think everyone deserves that. Everyone deserves to be in a relationship, whether it's a friendship or romantic partnership or even a work relationship where you are fully accepted for who you are right then and there without changing right then and there. And if I do that, then I can't stay here because it's not a good fit for either of us anymore. And by me adding that second part of the sentence, like total honesty with love and transparency, I said everyone deserves the dignity of being accepted. And I want that for anyone, especially someone that I've been with in a relationship with for a decade and a half. I want that, and you deserve that. And if I do that, then I can't stay here. And so it was such a moment of like my intuition was speaking, like in the most kind way. That was an awkward moment in the room. I would say that. And also something that has stuck with me because I want to be clear on that in all of my relationships. I don't want anyone to feel like they have to show up and be different for me. And so it also forced me to take inventory of like, where am I trying to force change on anyone that really deserves the dignity of their own process? Or where do I need to set boundaries? Because it's not always about leaving a relationship. Sometimes it's about setting boundaries. Wow.

unknown 21:59

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 21:59

So basically, Basically, you're saying I still want I I love you, but in order to love you, I can't be in relationship with you like that.

SPEAKER_01 22:10

Yeah, I can't be married to you. Like I can love you as a co-parent and accept you exactly how you are as a co-parent, but like the version of myself that I want to grow into, the version of my marriage that I want to grow into can't be done in in this current partnership. And so it was that simple. Like I had to realize, and I think that no one talks a whole lot about leaving the good enough marriage. We hear a lot about the obvious ones where you need to go where there's been infidelity or like a major breach. And I think that in our culture, we just don't give it space to accept people who are ready to walk away from a relationship where they just simply want more. And their soul has been telling them that. And it was just really simply a matter of two people that grew apart, like neither of us are wrong, I think, for wanting what we wanted. Just two different ways of how we thought relationship would be. But I still think he's a wonderful human and I love him to the moon and back. I'm very sad about it, but it's one of those things where it was very scary for me to choose myself instead of this sort of perception of what I thought we should be.

SPEAKER_00 23:24

Yeah, choosing yourself. But I just want to say, I think I on your podcast episodes, I noticed a couple that you were talking about when one partner is doing self-help and doing the work and growing mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and the other partner is not. That was a big episode for me to do. I bet because I think it's really I think it's very common. And again, just looking at social media, for example, what's on my feed is tons of self-help, tons of women growing and doing all this work. And I'm wondering, and we're going through life changes and physical changes and all of this. Are you seeing it personally with your clients that there's just a lot more of this kind of outgrowing partner kind of thing? 100%.

SPEAKER_01 24:13

Yeah. Yeah. So that particular episode that you're talking about is when I was able to name the differences that I see a lot in terms of couples, like you mentioned. And I get this question all the time. What do I do? And this is I got this question a lot even before I made the announcement that I was leaving my marriage. And I the question of what do I do if my partner exactly, which you said, my partner is not into personal growth and I am. And with that little bit of information, I usually am able to ascertain that they're growing apart and that the person who's into personal growth who's asking me the question thinks that they can solve the problem by getting their partner on board. And sometimes that works. I don't know anyone that has successfully brought their partner to a, especially if we're talking about like a traditional kind of like a heterosexual relationship where there's a straight man and woman married. Usually it's the woman who's more who has more of a desire to tap into her mental and emotional world. And so what I call that is the growth-oriented partner. And many times she is married to a stability-oriented partner. And so the stability-oriented partner is simply someone who just that's just, they just don't value that. They value full acceptance of who they are, they value stability, things just not changing. And neither are wrong. Here's the thing is like both are valid. Like you're allowed to want whatever you want from a relationship. And sometimes you don't know that that you're one or the other until you've been married for a fair amount of time. If two people are on the same page as that, y'all will thrive. That's fantastic. And a lot of times, and this is really was helpful for me to understand this because I never really knew what it meant when people said, Oh, we grew apart. And then like, that's one of those terms where you're like, okay, I didn't get it until I was in it. I was like, oh, that's what this is. It's a values misalignment, it's a fundamental values misalignment. And I think the thing that trips people up is that we make up that one is right and one is wrong. Interesting. Yeah. And that is not true. It just means that they might not be right for you, but it that like who's to say you're right by trying to get your partner to come along with you. Is it not okay for them to say, no, I don't want you to change? So I had to come to terms with the fact that neither me nor my husband were wrong or wanting different things. And that's what helped me get to the place of compassion and coming from a place of love to be able to make the decision to go, even.

SPEAKER_00 26:53

I love that. And it makes me think of priorities, your values, and actually like naming them and ranking them. Because, like you said, it could just be a misalignment. And I'm just thinking of me and my husband. I am a thousand percent like self-help, personal development is so high on my priority list, my value list. And it's on his list. Luckily, just on there, it's just not as high as mine. And he has other things that are higher, like his physicality, his connection to nature that outrank mine, right? So it's, I think it really can work if you can see that as just, oh, it's just like a ladder. And ours doesn't have we don't have to match. We're not the same pace or season.

SPEAKER_01 27:45

Yeah, that's different. And right when you were saying that, I was like, oh, that can work. Like you can definitely make that work. And of course, every relationship is nuanced for people listening in. But and I in that particular podcast episode, I cite John and Julie Gottman's work that I deeply respect their work. And they talk about this specifically. And it's what it really is. And this is something that I've implemented in this newer relationship that I've been in. It's been over a year. So we've had some time to develop these strategies and patterns. We call it developing a culture for our relationship. Like one of them is get clear on what that means. What is Jen's agenda for personal growth? What do you want to get done in a year of personal growth for you? Like for your husband, it might look different. Just so you're clear on what the expectations are of each other instead of having these arbitrary words that no one really knows what they mean.

SPEAKER_00 28:35

Yeah, that's really good, good point. Not to assume. Like I just made an assumption that my husband's personal development was lower on his list, right? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 28:48

So maybe it's also it might all be under the same umbrella for the two of you. Because when you said, Oh, he has a connection to nature, like that to me is spirituality and his personal growth. So it that's it'd be an interesting conversation for the two of you to have of what it looks like and how do you measure it? Things like that.

SPEAKER_00 29:05

Yeah, exactly. I'm also going back to an exercise that we did in Tony Robbins a million years ago, where you actually list out those priorities. And you might say, okay, for example, health or personal development is number two, or even one or three on my list. But the amount of time. So I think how do you measure it? We normally would think it's like, how much time do you actually invest in those things? That's one way to measure anyway.

SPEAKER_01 29:33

Yeah. Right. Or like how many times do we address it with each other and have deep conversations on a weekend over coffee on a Saturday morning or something like that? Like that could be another way that a couple measures that.

SPEAKER_00 29:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 29:45

Awesome.

SPEAKER_00 29:46

Okay. So you also talk a lot about having a fierce throwdown with fear. What does that mean?

SPEAKER_01 29:55

Fear is one of those things that you ask 10 personal development life coaches or influencers or therapists, or like you're gonna get 10 different answers in terms of how they talk about fear. And you're gonna get the camp of people who talk about fearlessness and how you just have to plow through it, or that it doesn't exist. Like there are people in that camp. And then you have people who talk about it like from a scientific standpoint and everything. And I think that the my main point of that whole chapter is just getting in bed with it, more or less, like getting intimate about how it shows up in your life and when it gets in the driver's seat. And so much of fear, it's all so nuanced and because it encompasses emotions like shame and anxiety and uncertainty, frustration. There's so many sort of arms and tentacles that it has. And I invite people just to get so intimate with fear in their life that they see it right away when it's happening and they can work with it. Then this gets really into the nitty-gritty of personal growth and learning what works for you and what doesn't. Because for some people it's tough love. For some people, they need a very compassionate witness in order to walk through their fear. Because you guys, trust me, if anybody knows about trying your best to bury it and make it go away just by burying it alive, it's me. And it doesn't work. And it's the numbing out. That was what how it's not feeling like shit was. It was like all the ways we try to avoid all of that, and they work until they don't. And so all the coping mechanisms that you have, any on any given day, any coping mechanisms you have, we cope and numb out and run away and avoid because we're trying to avoid uncomfortable feelings. That's really all it is. And most of those feelings are in some way related to fear.

SPEAKER_00 31:51

Yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 31:52

What do you think, out of all the women that you have coached or work with, what are the com most common fears say that women currently it's usually about how they're going, and this is probably more of just a human thing, although it is gender specific. It's worrying how you're going to be perceived by other people. Like we at our core are always going to be to some extent worried about what other people, or else the only people that don't are genuine sociopaths and psychopaths who just don't have that capacity for emotion. But all the rest of us, we worry in the usually in our subconscious, if you've done a lot of work on it, we worry about how we're being perceived by others. And so for women, it's typically our appearance and our bodies are number one. That's just like from the get-go, culturally, how we're raised. It depends on your culture. And then also how we are perceived in terms of our quote-unquote femaleness. So, how helpful are we? How nurturing are we? How accessible are we to help? How comforting are we? Like, how good are you on not inconveniencing people? That's how we are valued. And so that's what I invite women to look at. Like, where are you avoiding things or not hitting the gas pedal on your life because you are afraid of how you're going to be perceived?

SPEAKER_00 33:20

I'm like running through my life right now.

SPEAKER_01 33:22

All areas. Yeah. All areas of our life. We I I showed up to this interview, like with a list of ways I want to be perceived by you, by your listeners, as well as ways I would never want to be perceived. Every single moment of our lives, we have that list running.

SPEAKER_00 33:37

It's funny you say that because my brain immediately went to my speaking gigs. And I have two next week and like on those stages going are going, are people gonna hate this or anything it's boring, or they're gonna think it's basic? I'm so like the things that go through my head, that those literally are my biggest fears. And look, thank God I'm so privileged to have those as fears. I'm not worried for my life. There's so many things that the world is going through right now that I understand how privileged that is to say that. But we all still matters.

SPEAKER_01 34:12

It still matters. And I think that it's fair to say that even more it's important for us to name those fears because we do comparative storytelling, like we make up that other people's lives are worse than ours. So why should my fears matter? And we can tend to use things like that as an excuse. We'll say it's so much easier for so-and-so, or I shouldn't even have to worry about things like that because it's so much harder for other people. And so they choose not to work on it. And I'm like, we all have our cross to bear. Yeah. Don't let guilt get in the way of you absolutely living your life to the fullest and living like you give a damn. Both can be true. There can be atrocities going on in the world and you can still be courageous about how you show up.

SPEAKER_00 34:57

I think we need to hear more of that because I feel paralyzed sometimes reading the headlines. Feel like, how? How can I be moving forward? How can I be thinking about what am I gonna wear next week at my gig when there's people literally, seriously on Friday, getting kidnapped at the car wash that I go to up the street from me? How can I feel okay going about my daily life and moving forward towards the direction of my dreams and my dream life while, you know, all of these atrocities are happening?

SPEAKER_01 35:35

The absolute worst. I'll just say it. It's not easy, I think, for anyone who's tuned in. And when I say tuned in, anyone who has a pulse on what's happening, and I understand deeply what it feels like to shut things down because your nervous system can't handle it, whether it's a temporary break or a permanent one. None of our nervous systems were meant for this. Whoever built our nervous system did not make it to be able to survive not only a 24-hour news cycle, but the horrible atrocities that we're seeing all over the globe. So yeah, even going to places where we're supposed to count on entertainment as being the thing that that sort of guides us through the next few moments. Like we're bombarded constantly. So, what I tell people is I I think it's an act of rebellion to lean into joy, to joyful moments, because I think that is our birthright as humans to experience joy. That's why we're here, to experience life. Unfortunately, we're living in a time where things are flipping upside down, and my hope that I'm clinging to is restructuring. Unfortunately, we are in the generation that I don't want the generations that has to watch it in real time. It's like it's impossible, I think, to be the kind of okay that we were in 2019 or in 2009 or night, especially 1999, like way back then. It's impossible. So you have to figure out what your baseline of okay is. It might not be reading the latest new self-help book that just came out. It might be just doing whatever you can to take care of your nervous system. I talk about our nervous systems a decent amount in this book. Yeah. Because like we can't pretend our nervous system isn't always driving the bus. It is. It's always driving the bus. That's where your nervous, where your emotions basically come from, bloom from.

SPEAKER_00 37:30

Before we wrap up with my four rapid fire questions, which you answered last time. So I wonder if your answers are different. Is there any last takeaway? What's your hope for someone to take away from this book of yours?

SPEAKER_01 37:44

I think they hear nothing at all. It's my hope that they know that it's okay to do the bare minimum in terms of your own personal growth. And that might be just what I was just talking about. Like just take care of your nervous system. What does your nervous system need today to feel safe? And do that.

SPEAKER_00 38:02

Yeah, that's beautiful. Thank you. Okay, everyone. Are you ready? Are you ready for questions? I bet you don't remember them from last time.

SPEAKER_01 38:12

Probably not.

SPEAKER_00 38:14

Number one, what was your favorite food when you were a kid?

SPEAKER_01 38:18

Oh, I had probably several, but the first thing that came to mind was Chef Boy RGB Ferrone.

SPEAKER_00 38:25

I think it was the same. Was it the same?

SPEAKER_01 38:28

Because I remember having this reaction. Terrible. Do not recommend now as an adult.

SPEAKER_00 38:34

Definitely. Just keep the memory in your mind. Yeah. Number two, if you can have a drink with anyone, dead or alive, who would it be and what's in your glass?

SPEAKER_01 38:43

I would have a non-alcoholic drink with my maternal grandmother who died about 12 years before I was born.

SPEAKER_00 38:51

Beautiful. What's your favorite self-help book? Not including your own.

SPEAKER_01 38:57

Right now, it's this would be a different one than I answered before. It's The Heroine's Journey by Maureen Murdoch. Fascinating story of how why she how she wrote the book. She did an interview with Joseph Campbell, didn't like his answer. So wrote a whole book on what the hero's journey looks like for women. It's transformative.

SPEAKER_00 39:13

I like that. I'm gonna pick that up. Thank you. And what's your favorite hype song of the moment? What's keeping you going? I oh, hype song.

SPEAKER_01 39:24

It changed this changes from day to day, but I will always say Florence in the Machine. She's my favorite artist of all time. And yeah, she has a new album coming out on Halloween. I need a song to put on the playlist. Oh no. Okay. So if you need a song from hers, it's going to be it's actually a cover that she does of No Doubts, I'm Just a Girl. Yes. So that's it's such a good cover.

SPEAKER_00 39:51

Awesome. Okay, Andrea, thank you so much for sharing all of your wisdom. Please share how everyone can connect with you.

SPEAKER_01 39:58

Easiest way is probably on my podcast. And the podcast is called Make Some Noise or my website, AndreaOwen.com.

SPEAKER_00 40:05

Wonderful. Thank you so much, everyone. From listing your priorities, your values, doing a little alignment exercise. What else? We talked about so many different things. You believe your marriage or not? Put the dumpster fire going on outside in Washington. How to move through fear, how to move forward. Yeah, when the dumpster fire is happening outside. I'm wishing you all the best, sending you so much love, strength, abundance, all of it. Thank you so much for tuning in. And I will see you next time on the Art of Badass Re podcast.