The Group Chat Is Officially Open | Meet Zaria & Toni

Welcome to the very first episode of The ZT Download Podcast!

We're Toni and Zaria — 2 moms, wives, military, step moms, and still learning this thing called life; who decided to turn our conversations into a podcast.

In this episode, we're sharing:
✨ How we met
✨ Our friendship journey
✨ Our backgrounds and life experiences
✨ Why we started this podcast
✨ What listeners can expect in future episodes

This podcast was created to be a safe space for real conversations about motherhood, marriage, relationships, healing, growth, blended families, and everything in between.

If you've ever felt like you're still figuring life out while trying to hold everything together, this podcast is for you.

Don't forget to subscribe, leave a review, and follow us for new episodes every week.

The ZT Download Podcast — where it's always 2 girls with a lot 2 say. 🤎🎙

Transcript

SPEAKER_04 0:00

Welcome to the ZT Download Podcast. I'm Zarya. And I'm Tony. And we're just two girls with a lot to say. Oh, you went to um La La Bella?

SPEAKER_01 0:11

La La Land.

SPEAKER_04 0:12

La La Land.

SPEAKER_01 0:13

You sure did. That's what it's called.

SPEAKER_04 0:16

Bella. That's what it's called. Who's Bella? Okay, I'm sorry. Cheers to Episode one. Cheers to episode one. Yes. Yeah. Let's do this damn thing. Hi guys. Oh, I've been following that family on TikTok too much. Do you know what family I was talking about? They live in Dallas. Yeah. She's like, hi guys. My outfit's from. She's so cute. Yeah. Okay. Alright. Um icebreaker.

SPEAKER_00 0:49

Icebreaker? Yeah. Okay.

SPEAKER_04 0:52

On the card. Oh. She was like icebreaker. Oh man.

SPEAKER_03 1:00

Coffee or wine? I'll go first. I don't know. I'm a little bit in both right now. Coffee, I've been on on wine, but I'm I love me some coffee and I love me a good espresso martini. I'm gonna have to say.

SPEAKER_02 1:16

I've I have to say coffee. I'm about to say coffee.

SPEAKER_04 1:21

I am gonna say wine. The personality cigarette. No, seriously. But what's in my cup, remember?

SPEAKER_01 1:31

Don't know. Don't know. Is it coffee or is it wine? We don't know. The world may never know. You gotta go. Hold on.

SPEAKER_04 1:41

Oh, that must have been the thunderstorm. I'm sorry, yeah. I'm on baby watch right now, so I have to put the monitor on.

SPEAKER_01 1:48

Where's it at? Oh yeah, bring it up.

SPEAKER_04 1:50

It's on your phone.

SPEAKER_01 1:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:53

Take that my friend. Early bird or night owl.

SPEAKER_03 1:59

Ah I think I have become an early bird, honestly. Yeah. I think you have to. I think I've become an early bird because I would text me ear. Text me early. Like early. I'm like, girl.

SPEAKER_04 2:09

I just opened my eyes.

SPEAKER_05 2:12

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 2:14

No, I'm a night owl for sure. I always I want to give a little TMI. I always base when I'm most like driven sexually. I'm most driven sexually at night. So I feel like I'm a night owl because I'm up like my juices are going. And I feel like if you're driven most during that time of day, that's when you're like like your brain is most functioning. Yeah. It's like my weird I think I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 2:46

And if that's the case, then uh I think I'm I think I'm both. I think I'm both a day. Wow.

SPEAKER_02 2:55

Nighttime and morning time. Anytime.

SPEAKER_03 2:57

All day. Wow. I'm just an all-day person. That's crazy. It's wild. It's crazy. I love that. I love that. Um oh. Uh gentle parenting or go sit your down. Insert that in his ass. Sit your ass down. That's what good way to do.

SPEAKER_04 3:17

I would say I am a little bit of both. I get a happy medium. Uh a like love you. You know, don't do that. Or stop playing with me. Yeah, like so I get that they get the they get the happy medium, but they're not at that stage yet where they're like, like on me. They're really just being just kids. Being kids. It's also raining. Storming. It's storming. You hear the the thunder. That's just sound effects. No, seriously.

SPEAKER_03 3:56

It's just sound. It's just background noise.

SPEAKER_04 3:58

No, we did that in Capcut.

SPEAKER_03 4:00

Don't worry about it. Um, I would say that I am I am a good mixture. I think I'm more of a gentle parenting side. I kind of let my husband do the disciplining and not just like guss it down, guys.

SPEAKER_00 4:12

Alright.

SPEAKER_03 4:13

Yeah. Stop playing with me. No, seriously. Or I'll get them like, okay, chill out. And they'll like, okay. Like I got it. Understood.

SPEAKER_04 4:20

Have you gotten to that point where um they're like just a little bit afraid of you? Just like a no.

SPEAKER_03 4:27

It's so crazy because I don't I mean, I I don't think my kids are afraid of me. I think that they think I'm a joke. I think and I have girls, so uh I get like I get the attitude, I get the okay, haha, I'm just gonna keep going and going. But they're not bad, like they're like the jokey, like they're like I'm like I'll joke. I I see, and that's so crazy because I can't say because I don't have any boys to compare it to, but I mean they have their moments, but they they they will it in when I'm like, okay, y'all, I'm not playing with y'all. They're like, okay, yes, ma'am. Okay, got it, understood. They have a little bit. Yeah, just a little bit. I think it's more fear of me telling their dad than than of me. Because they know I will call in a heartbeat.

SPEAKER_04 5:15

Good deal. Um, I'm sorry. Who's more emotional? I'm sorry, I got lost. Between me or you. Yeah. I think we said we were gonna like bet on it. Yeah. Who's gonna cry first? Yes, because I really don't know. I feel like our backgrounds are like the same. Yeah, like the same.

SPEAKER_01 5:35

Like we're kind of really turtles.

SPEAKER_04 5:37

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 5:37

We're turtles until it's hard on the outside, soft on the inside. Yeah, the only person that's probably gonna make me cry would be my husband. Like, I would only cry in that type of or my kids. Other than that, yeah. There's probably nothing that's gonna make me cry. I need to go to therapy. No, for real.

SPEAKER_02 5:56

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_03 5:57

Oh man, okay. Who takes longer to get ready?

SPEAKER_01 6:03

I would say me. I would yeah, I would say, I would definitely say you for sure.

SPEAKER_04 6:07

Yeah, for sure. I mean, like, yeah. I just have no, I have no comeback for that.

SPEAKER_01 6:13

See me.

SPEAKER_04 6:14

That's literally just it, period. That's it. I just did my makeup in like 20 minutes. It takes me like an hour to do my makeup, not gonna lie. Slap it on, I don't know what I'm doing, so it looks good. We do, it looks good. It looks really good. Thank you. Looks really good. Okay, so let's um talk about how we met, like before we dive into why we started the podcast. Yes. Let's go back to the beginning. Back to the way back in the days. So um we met McClellan. At McClellan High School. Um, Arkansas. You know what? It's so fun. I'm sorry, I'm gonna cut you off real quick. We um I do this thing where like it's like a fill in the blank because my my brain will go do like and I will have like a a thought, but I won't know what word.

SPEAKER_02 7:10

To put right there. Like your brain goes past.

SPEAKER_04 7:14

No, literally, I'm like, because I was like, we met at where we're like McClellan. Yes, like that, that's that blank spot. So we've been doing this thing where you would fill in that word for me. I understand. Sorry, that's okay. A little funny. And in high school at McClellan. Yes, we did. Um I was sad. I was um, I don't know how we met. We did we have class together? I I don't know if it was class or like track team or dance team.

SPEAKER_03 7:51

I was on the track team. Yeah, like I don't know. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 7:59

And that's yeah, that's exactly how we met on the track team with Okay. And just in the halls, too. I think um what we said was people said we looked alike.

SPEAKER_03 8:10

Yes, we got that all the time. They would always mix us up and saying who I was like, who is this girl that y'all keep trying to tell me I look like? Trying to figure out who Zarya was.

SPEAKER_04 8:18

Like, what? Yeah, but um you were you only did track, right? I did track and dance.

SPEAKER_01 8:25

You were on the drill team?

SPEAKER_03 8:26

Yeah, I was on the drill team.

SPEAKER_04 8:28

Are you serious?

SPEAKER_03 8:28

Yeah, Miss Wilburn.

SPEAKER_04 8:31

Why don't I remember that? Yeah, I was I was on there. We beefed like one year.

SPEAKER_00 8:36

Oh, me and you?

SPEAKER_04 8:37

No.

SPEAKER_00 8:39

Did we?

SPEAKER_04 8:40

Oh my god, I don't remember that. No. The drill team and the cheer team. Because I was on the cheer team. We were on the cheer team. I was on the cheer team and we didn't like each other for I think that year. And we had to do, I think, was it like a workshop or something? We had they made us get along, or so I don't know. It was like this beef, like drill cheer beef. I don't think you were involved. I don't think I was either because I'm like, with the drill team, like, and I think it was mostly because we felt like um the cheers were ours and like you y'all would do cheers too. And so we would feel some type of way about it because it was like, no, bitch, you can't do the cheers. Like that's our thing. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 9:23

No, I definitely wasn't involved because I was like friends with like some of the cheers, like Michaela, I think you're like TC. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 9:28

I was I was friends with some of them. Yeah. And it's so funny because I was actually supposed to be on the drill team.

SPEAKER_01 9:35

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 9:35

I did I went to the um, what is it, the camp? Like at the beginning of the year. The drill. I I didn't go to McClellan until the tenth grade. And um I was it was that summer before, and I was going to the work because I was out, I was like, I want to be on the drill team. Coach Um Hansberry uh came out the gym and she saw me and she was like, You here for the I was like, Yeah. And she's like, come to the cheer camp next week. And I was like, Okay, just gonna try to she recruited. That's why we have beef. I literally went and I was like, Um, I think I like cheer me. I I think I like cheer better. And she was like, Yeah, I knew you would. She's like, Yeah, you're the perfect, perfect like person for the team.

SPEAKER_03 10:20

She said whatever she had to say to get you on that team. Yeah, that's why we were beefing.

SPEAKER_04 10:24

I prospered too. Look, I'm that's exactly why we were beefing.

SPEAKER_03 10:26

That wasn't right.

SPEAKER_04 10:27

I'll take our what I was co-captain, like um what, the 11th grade year? Literally my second year on the team, and then I made captain senior year, and I was like, who the hell would have thought? Yeah, like really. I I don't think I would have ever made captain on or co-captain on the drill team.

SPEAKER_03 10:45

Yeah, see I don't think so. For me, I was doing so much. I think I was more into sports than I was into drill. My dad just wanted me like be a girly girl because I did I did tennis as well too. So I did tennis and track, and and then I did on the drill team. And I was like, I think I like sports better than dancing. But I I did, I I enjoyed it, it was fun. Yeah, it was fun until like I don't know, it was always like a weird competition with the girls. It was like I and I think that was my thing. I can't deal with that, like within your own like group of girls, it's like competition and jealousy, and I that was just not my vibe. Yeah, so I probably stayed away.

SPEAKER_04 11:19

Yeah, I feel that. Yeah, I feel that. What do you think your first impression of me was? See, I think like we when we ran into each other, I don't think we had like a I don't think like an actual run-in.

SPEAKER_03 11:32

Yeah, it wasn't like a run-in.

SPEAKER_04 11:33

I think I just knew of you.

SPEAKER_03 11:34

Yeah, I knew of you and you knew of me. I think there was like a few, I think we had like a class or something together because I think there was a few moments where we had conversations, if I can recall. Um vague and so is um because I was telling my dad about this and telling him about you, and he was just like, Yeah, I remember you like her from high school. I mean, you know my dad used to work at the school. Right. And so I was like, okay, well maybe you remember more than I do. Like remember that I do, but I do. I think we have like a few conversations and a few like a few dialogues. I don't know. Me either, but nonetheless.

SPEAKER_04 12:06

No, no, high school, high school was such a tragedy.

SPEAKER_03 12:09

I just try to forget so I went to like two different high schools, so I'm just I'm just like I went to a few different high schools, so I don't know, like honestly. Yeah, but nonetheless, there was always something, there was always something there with us, so yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 12:27

No, um, and then you moved to Dallas. No, I moved to Ohio, right? But like when you moved to Dallas, that's when we like Yeah or something like that high school, I didn't move to Dallas.

SPEAKER_03 12:44

I moved to high school. Oh yeah. Um when I finally moved to Dallas, that's when we like reconnected.

SPEAKER_04 12:50

Yeah. I was like, I remember you from high school. Yeah. Let's hang out. Yeah, and I didn't know that you were you weren't here. It it feels like you've been here for like ever five years. No, like it feels like you're native now. Yeah. Because like after three, they're like, oh, well, you gotta get a Texas ID. Literally after six months, I got pulled over and he told me that. I was like, Yeah. I got one like that. It's like after you've been living here for six months, you have to get a Texas ID.

SPEAKER_00 13:18

Oh wow, I didn't know that. That's actually kind of great.

SPEAKER_04 13:19

Yeah, I still have an Arkansas ID, so it's like I'm still not getting it switched over.

SPEAKER_03 13:28

No, I am. Where was the first place that we went to lunch? We went to it was Sixy Vines, wasn't it? Was that our first link up? It was Sixy Vines? Yes, I think so. Yeah, we went to Sixy Vines for No first link up was here.

SPEAKER_04 13:38

You came over, remember? We did the Sharkie board.

SPEAKER_00 13:42

We did do the Show.

SPEAKER_04 13:43

And we watched uh the tonight's conversation.

SPEAKER_00 13:45

Yeah, we did, and that's when we were like, let's start a podcast.

SPEAKER_03 13:48

Let's start a podcast. We didn't like the conversation, it was just like yeah, that was mind-blowing, actually. It was like an epiphany, like, oh my god, we need to start a podcast. Because like the conversations, the the way that we were talking, it was just like, okay, this would we need to capture these moments. Yeah, for sure. For sure. It was it was perfect.

SPEAKER_04 14:07

Yes, it's perfect. Okay, so you want to talk about a little bit about your background, like where you're from, um, how old you are. Oh my god. We gotta talk about age. I'm old. Your marital status.

SPEAKER_03 14:25

Um, okay, yes, sure. Um, so I was born in Detroit, Michigan. That's where I'd be from. The 313, you know me. Okay. Uh I was born in Detroit, Michigan. Carried away. Um, but I moved around a lot. Um, my dad was military, so we moved around quite quite a lot, quite a lot. Um brief life background. So yeah, military. I went to high school between Arkansas. I went to middle school, Arkansas. I'm into middle school in Ohio and kind of just back and forth, honestly. Um, I was in the military. Yeah, I was in I was in the military. Uh, did eight eight long years going on nine years. Uh, I am a mom of three. I have three girls. I am married, uh and I'm also a a stepmom. Um I try not to like just throw that out there because I just look at her as my own.

SPEAKER_04 15:26

It's really good to um give that information too. Yeah, yeah. Because it gives you that different background too.

SPEAKER_03 15:32

Yeah, and a different viewpoint of it. So yeah, um, I am a stepmother and I am 29. I'm gonna be 30 this year. That's crazy. It's gonna be great. That's gonna be great. 30's gonna be a great year. That's gonna be 30's gonna be great. That's gonna be beautiful. Um, so yeah. I can't think of anything else right now. Oh, your personality in three words. Bubbly. I definitely would say bubbly, um or outgoing. Bubbly outgoing, uh, but also very observant and um I can say like a I can't say aggressive, that doesn't sound good.

SPEAKER_01 16:18

That doesn't sound sound good at all.

SPEAKER_02 16:21

No, it doesn't sound good at all.

SPEAKER_04 16:24

You're gonna punch a nigga in the face. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 16:27

Yeah, try me.

SPEAKER_04 16:29

Um please.

SPEAKER_01 16:36

A little bit of a little bit of that.

SPEAKER_04 16:41

I I like there's proof. Y'all want to see I can't insert clip. I'm kidding.

SPEAKER_03 16:49

No, but oh my gosh. Yeah, I am I can be very uh I've heard I can be intimidating, so which I don't think so. But nonetheless, yeah. No little time boyish.

SPEAKER_04 16:58

But don't try me, and I won't try you.

SPEAKER_01 17:00

I'm so chill.

SPEAKER_04 17:01

Like I really am. She is like I she is until you try me.

SPEAKER_03 17:05

Um, what about you?

SPEAKER_04 17:08

I am from Little Rock Ark the I'm from Little Rock, Arkansas. A little too fast. Um, born and raised. I have lived in multiple states. I don't think I want to get into that right now. Yeah, no. Um, and I am 30. Well, I will be 30 in like like seven days. Literally a week. Um is my 30th birthday, the 26th of May. So crazy. This is gonna be aired the week after, or not the week of the week of. It's gonna be aired the week of my birthday, so yeah. Um, so you guys wish me a happy birthday. Give me some love, give me some love. But I'm celebrating my birthday this weekend, yeah um, and it's gonna be great. So I'm excited about that. Um, I am a mom of three, a um bonus mom of one. So I have two biological bonus of one, and um I've been living in Dallas like seven years. So as much as they want to call me a native, I'm not. Still hardcore Little Rock, Arkansas. So um, and three words that would describe me. Oh, I'm not married yet. Not yet, but I mean we might as well be. We've been together for like six years. Yeah, that's hard to say. We've been together for six years, so um it, I mean, it feels like we're married, we just haven't made it official yet. So but when we do, y'all will know. Trust me. My personality, no for real. Uh my personality in three words, I would say, um, oh, Sean's on his way. I would say um caring, uh loving. I need to add those to my because you are my drinks, gorgeous and spicy.

SPEAKER_01 19:12

Yes, like that describes, yes, that's you. Yeah, through and through.

SPEAKER_04 19:15

Caring, loving, and spicy. I have like a you just gotta be careful what day it is. And you know what? He's gonna go get aided. So we can just record. Yeah. I'm sorry. That I'm gonna put that in there too, because now that he's on his way, put him to work. I love him though. I love my man. Um, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:37

Yeah, and military.

SPEAKER_04 19:38

Oh, yeah, I forgot to add that. I was in the military as well. He was in the military too, guys.

SPEAKER_02 19:44

I'm sorry, I missed it.

SPEAKER_04 19:45

I missed it. Yeah, I w I wasn't in it for long, so I just like sometimes it takes me a while to kind of like come back to that because it just didn't last for a long time. I wish I was in for longer than I did, but it still was a party, yeah. It still definitely it changed who I was um today. So it made it made a huge impact on how I think. Yeah, like my mental and just how the world works.

SPEAKER_00 20:14

It's crazy because yeah.

SPEAKER_04 20:16

Like how the chain of command works.

SPEAKER_00 20:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 20:20

Like and it that that sucks because I I I base everything on chain chain of command, even though I hated it so much because you know they don't have your back like they think you like you think they do.

SPEAKER_00 20:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 20:32

And so some things can get swept under the rug, and you know, we'll talk about that later. Yeah, yeah. So oh, we were both in the army. Yes, we were both in the army. Both in the army. And um, but she's just, you know, more of a vet than I am. Let me just put that out there. 100% vet. More of a vet, for sure. For sure. Um 100% big easy. Let's do your funniest and hardest memory of the military.

SPEAKER_03 21:04

Um the hardest memory I have. I honestly I think the hardest memory was outside of like basic training, was honestly dealing with leadership and dealing with the people who I thought had my back or that I thought would look out for me and did the complete opposite, or just I feel like I was picked on a lot.

SPEAKER_04 21:34

I was telling you, like Lena.

SPEAKER_05 21:35

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_03 21:39

Yeah, just people I thought that uh would have my back, especially my people, like honestly, it was crazy. And I was shocked of how many like people of color in the military worked more against their people than helped them. So um, I think that was the hardest part. It was like a reality check for me. Um, because I didn't think that that way at all going in and the fun. Funniest memory. Oh, it's probably basic training. I had so much fun in basic training. Like, I know for a lot of people that's the hardest part, but for me, I was like, yes, let's go. Make us do push-ups. Let's go. I was like, girl, let's go. I had fun. There was a lot of funny moments. There was a lot of crazy moments. I used to laugh at people who used to get mad over stupid stuff. I was definitely, I was definitely that soldier. I used the attitude. They called me Miss Attitude because I always had an It seemed like I always had an attitude, but really, I was just there to do what I do and get up out of there. Um yeah, so yeah. What a path.

SPEAKER_04 22:38

I just I just read his text message of clothes. He's so adorable.

SPEAKER_02 22:45

What did he say? Now you gotta read it out loud. I gotta read it right in the class.

SPEAKER_04 22:50

Because all I saw on my phone was on my way. I'm kind of blind. So all I saw was on, and then I just assumed that it said on my way. And I just ran with it. But it it did say on my way. It said on my way to relieve the missus and to get Aiden. I didn't even have to tell him. Oh, look at that. What? Look at that. How did I get so lucky? Come on, black man. Come on, how did I get so lucky?

SPEAKER_03 23:16

We love that. We really do love that. I didn't even have to tell him. That's crazy. That's okay. Beautiful. Brownie point, Sean, even though you probably have to talk about brownie points seriously.

SPEAKER_04 23:25

Where were we?

SPEAKER_03 23:27

Your funny. Funniest. Your funniest and your hardest moment in the military. Okay.

SPEAKER_04 23:31

Funny funniest and hardest moment. My funniest, I would have to say, um AIT. I had ball in AIT. Oh man. That was probably the most memorable, most like just like the best time I've had, like, in life. And I think most of it came from just being away from home and meeting, but also having the freedom to like do things on the weekends. Like it it felt structured. And so I don't know. I I just I absolutely loved it. It was the best time of my life.

SPEAKER_01 24:09

I did not like AIT. Really? I did not.

SPEAKER_04 24:11

I had so much fun. I met so many good people.

SPEAKER_01 24:14

Yeah, it was fun for me, but I think the people that I was had too much freedom.

SPEAKER_03 24:19

Like it got really chaotic. And I was really yeah, like a girl got pregnant, I think. What? Like, oh our platoon sergeants was messing with like the I was I ain't gonna lie though.

SPEAKER_02 24:31

There was a lot going on.

SPEAKER_04 24:32

I ain't gonna lie. My platoon sergeant was fine. Oh fine.

SPEAKER_05 24:38

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_04 24:40

Let me stop because I'm a muscle woman. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 24:47

I had a short little short little thing and he was annoying.

SPEAKER_03 24:51

His name was Platoon Sergeant Bat.

SPEAKER_02 24:54

If you're out there, you're weird. Oh I was like that. Call him out. You're weird. Call him out. Weird. He was really weird.

SPEAKER_04 25:03

Yeah. Yeah. But AIC I feel like was like the best time. Like I met some good friends. I met some like lifelong friends. Like that still talk to you to this day. Beautiful. Yeah. That's awesome though. And um, it was just fun. I just I loved it. And I felt I felt good. I was getting my life back on track, and nobody at home had full access to me. And I love that too. Like y'all can only call me at a certain amount of time. Like phones cut off at, you know, the top of the day, but I can talk to you at the bottom of the day. But really, I'm tired, so I'll talk to you tomorrow. Catch me on the flip side, but talk to you tomorrow. Yeah. So um, yeah, but I feel like my hardest, was it hardest? Yeah, hardest moment. Um are we doing outside of basic?

SPEAKER_00 25:48

Yeah, yeah, just over overall. Because mine was outside of basic.

SPEAKER_04 25:52

Mine was basic.

SPEAKER_00 25:53

Yours was basic? Okay.

SPEAKER_04 25:54

Mine was basic and actually when I went home. No, when I went home, it was fine. I feel like I was I was good because I was I was only going like what's it once a month, like a week in a month. So I was like, I still get to kick it, I still have to work, I still, you know, like I still had a life outside of the military, which is why I probably felt like it wasn't solely a part of me, because it wasn't just like set in stone yet. And I got I got out right before we deployed.

SPEAKER_00 26:23

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 26:23

So I really didn't get that like full combat, like, yeah. Um like that. So I really Yeah, yeah. Um, but for like two years, uh I was just um shoot chilling. Yeah, like literally that's all I was doing. And it felt weird. Like, why am I reaping the benefits and if I'm not doing anything? Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 26:52

I feel like a lot of people feel that way too. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 27:00

And then like when people found out I was in the military, they were like, What you're in the military? I'm like, wow.

SPEAKER_03 27:08

That's so crazy, like different experiences. Cause for me, I I mean, like not knowing what day, I was fine. I just I was I really enjoyed, I really didn't enjoy basic training. So that's crazy for us to have such different like experiences and that.

SPEAKER_04 27:22

And I think also it was my drill sergeants. Like I didn't have the happy medium that everybody had, the bad and the good, or the good cop, the bad cop. I had two bad cops.

SPEAKER_00 27:30

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 27:31

So they were horrible. And every day was just like horrible. Like we didn't get to do like fun stuff. Like every so often, like, there was like platoons that you know they had fun with their drill sergeants after a while. We never got that. So it was it was like, oh my god, do they hate us? Probably. Probably probably like not gonna lie. But like I think the like waking up like super early, doing PT, going on the runs, like I feel like it was hard. Like we were running in like scorching cold rain. They made us take our jackets off, our pants off, like oh my god, that was so funny.

SPEAKER_03 28:13

Like, I used to get so irritated. Like they used to send us back in if we all didn't match. Like if we all didn't have to be like oh you gotta go back and it's like the what is it's a game, it's called um I forgot what it's called, but then it's a certain amount of time you have to go tell you what to go put on, you gotta run up run and everybody had to match, and then it's present and then we get in trouble and we gotta push or we gotta do. I was like, oh my gosh, y'all playing mind games with me.

SPEAKER_04 28:36

Mind it's fuck fuck games, yeah is what they called it when I was there. I don't know what they fuck games, but they would do it so late at night, they would come in the barracks and wake you up like in the middle, like in the middle, you're literally past out of sleep. And they will come in and turn the lights on, get up, get up, get up, everybody down in the breezeway. I'm like, for fucking what? Like, it's literally 11 o'clock at night. We have to be up in like three hours.

SPEAKER_03 29:05

Like, what the lack of sleep was crazy.

SPEAKER_04 29:07

Lack of sleep was insane, and they would like tell us to come downstairs and like oh, go put on your um your dog tags and your PT socks and your um summer boots and and your rucksack and and make sure everybody has the same thing, and we're going down everybody, it's one person always fucks it up for everybody. I'm like, god damn.

SPEAKER_03 29:28

It was always one person and Arch Joe's heart. In the count offs. Yes.

SPEAKER_02 29:38

Yeah, I just like bruh. Get it right.

SPEAKER_04 29:40

Yes, you know how to count, get it right.

SPEAKER_02 29:43

We always jack that up. That's crazy.

SPEAKER_04 29:45

No, basic was horrible for me. I hate it everybody. Exactly.

SPEAKER_02 29:51

Lack of comprehension. Exactly. Crazy.

SPEAKER_04 29:54

Okay, let's talk about your transition from the military to motherhood. What was that like?

SPEAKER_03 30:01

Um, I honestly don't think that I had a huge transition as much as I thought I was going to because I was raised by a military dad. I was a brat. So, and he was really strict. My dad was extremely strict, like military at home type of strict. So I think it was more so making sure my kids didn't necessarily have that same type of lifestyle that I did uh growing up or the same type of childhood. So I think just making sure that I was patient. I think that was the biggest thing of learning patience and um learning that they don't, as kids, they don't comprehend everything the way that we do. They think on a totally different level than we do. So I feel like, you know, in the military and just being military, you you expect people to know. You expect them to get it if we're to click, you know, like you just it's fast pace, fast pace. And I just want to make sure that my kids, you know, understand that they're allowed to be kids and they don't have to like, oh, I need you to know or be on them and be so tough on them. Some things, yes, I definitely carry over, like as far as discipline or just like logistics, being on time or you know, cleaning and stuff like that, I definitely carry over, but like the hard stuff and just like being really rough on them, I don't think is good for their their mental at such a young age. Maybe when they get older, like teenage, oh, it's coming. Oh yeah. Oh, it's coming. Oh yeah, I felt that. I felt that it might kick in a little bit more there, but yeah, just making sure that I'm the best mom to them um and I don't carry too many military tendencies over.

SPEAKER_04 31:35

What do you think surprised you most about being a mom?

SPEAKER_03 31:41

Um, I think how much I would change. I didn't expect to change so much. I knew I was going to change in some ways, just giving birth, body, x, y, and z, but I didn't expect to change as much as I did. Um you change in so many ways. Like, I know I only really parents understand that. Like you change in so many, your kids really do. They either change you or they bring out the true you. Um, and I think that was like the biggest shocker is how much I see myself changing or wanting to change just to become like the best version of myself for them. Cause I'm so hard on myself when it comes to being like a parent or being a mom. I'm like, oh my gosh, am I too hard on them? No, they're not too hard and they need to be harder, or like, no, like, am I this? Like, so I just try to that was like the biggest thing is like, oh my gosh, I I don't recognize myself from like five years ago or seven years ago. I don't even recognize myself.

SPEAKER_04 32:35

That was major. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 32:37

Key point.

SPEAKER_04 32:38

Yeah. Cause you literally don't expect your like not even your body, but your mental. You are a completely different person. Like unrecognizable from who you were before you had kids. Like, so many things to think about, so many like boundaries. Like, it's like, and then you get this anxiety behind people, you know, doing something to your kid or treating them the wrong way, or you know, like you not being in their presence when those things happen. I have a hard time with that. Um just for reference, Aiden is my oldest, uh, my biological oldest. So this is my first time feeling him going to school, me letting something that's super precious to me go. And um, I think that I had so much like heart like trauma like for me. Like, I need to be around when things go bad. I need to be around, I need to be there to save him, yeah, you know, if things go bad. And then I'm like, uh no, you have to allow him to grow up, you have to allow him to be his own person and stand up for himself, it's gonna be good for him, and it's all these things, and I'm like, oh my god, your mind, this is horrible. Yeah, I almost hate being a mom. I hate doing this anxiety like back and forth with myself all the time.

SPEAKER_03 34:08

So I get it. Like that's it is, and it can be a lot because I feel the same way. I think I finally, now that my oldest is in school and she's been in school for a while, like I finally kind of let go of that anxiety. I still do from time to time, but like I just my youngest, heck yeah, like she's she's at home with me, and I just don't I'm I'm like you, like I'm terrified to put her into school just because of everything and how how crazy the world is now. But I also I'm scared for the other kids because my three-year-old is that she will terrorize everybody. She might not make it in school to be honest.

SPEAKER_04 34:46

They're gonna be calling you every day. Girl, come get her. She is picking up every come get her right now. Oh my gosh. I'm kidding. Um, what is you like two points of marriage reality versus marriage expectation? Let's do two.

SPEAKER_00 35:11

Oh man. You go first. Okay.

SPEAKER_04 35:14

Marriage expectation would be the like lovey dovey all the time. Like um, like uh or the fairy tale. Yeah. The fairy tales. And you know, like we think it's like all like glitter and butterflies and oh my god, it's gonna be perfect, and this is my friend's charming. Marriage reality is um sometimes he's gonna get on my nerves. Sometimes he's not gonna be perfect, sometimes we're gonna misread each other, and sometimes we're gonna argue. Sometimes, you know, it's just not going to be this perfect Prince Charming butterflies and glitter.

SPEAKER_00 36:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 36:02

Marriage expectation would be perfect all the time, good all the time. Um and we're just like flowing, like perfect all the like all day, we're just good. And marriage reality is it takes hard work, it takes like like real work, and it's going to be hard. And if it is hard, that does not mean that it's not meant to be. Yeah. So I think that's like, yeah, that's the core of it.

SPEAKER_03 36:35

Um, honestly, same for me. I had an expectation of getting married, like once you get married, a lot of your problems go away, and everything is like la la la la la. We're living in la la land. Um, and in reality, that's not like I honestly think marriage and just long-term relationships really make you fix yourself. A lot of times it really does make you fix yourself. Cause I can honestly say that for my marriage. Like, I I didn't know, like I knew there were things I needed to change about myself, but when you're not with somebody and you're by yourself, uh you don't really have anything that challenges you. You're you're healing, you're on this journey by yourself, you're single, or you know, whatever you're doing, if you're oh yeah, going from person to person or anything, you're not really set in stone with one person. So you don't have these discussions, these hard talks, these things about yourself, like besides with yourself or you know, with your friends. But that person that you decide to marry or just long-term relationships, they see you for who you are, and there is no hiding that. There is no hiding that. So there might be like some ugly truths about yourself that you have to change. And that was like honestly a big one for me and my husband. We were just like, hmm, we we thought we were here. Oh my god, we thought we were here. No, seriously, we need to work on this. No, we need to work on that. No, we can get better at this, and then just knowing that every person or any person, your person is their own person, and having to like really mold and fix yourself to accommodate them, like you have to be really selfless with that because no matter who you're with, there's always going to be something about somebody that you're gonna have to accommodate or change or fix. Because we're all individuals, you're never gonna find anybody who's just perfect and you know, X, Y, and Z. So I think that was like a huge like reality check for me is that like, oh my gosh, like it's this knew it took work, but this takes like some real deep diving, hard work, a lot of yeah, setting your ego aside, your pride aside, and really like choosing to put your person first. So yeah, and accountability. Oh, accountability that is huge. That's big. Accountability will take you a long way because yeah, your girl was lacking it, dying on whole game.

SPEAKER_02 38:52

It's that can never be my fault. Never what? Never mind, never my fault, something's wrong with you.

SPEAKER_04 39:02

Okay, um you are hilarious. You're hilarious, okay. What um let's talk about why we started the podcast. Yeah, like what like the the basis of like um our conversations and like what we're gonna talk about and how we're gonna grow together and with our audience.

SPEAKER_03 39:26

Yes, I can't wait to grow with you guys. I can't wait to like interact with you guys. I'm super excited for that to like just hear other people's perspectives. Yeah. This is perfect. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 39:35

So we have like a little bit of background with everything the military, the moms, the wives, the wives, the step moms, um, and just uh like what were we saying? I'm sorry, uh, our background. Trauma. Trauma. I could not think of the word, childhood trauma. Childhood trauma and just being black women in today's time. And just I feel like we're getting it, yeah. Yeah, navigating too. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 40:04

And honestly, just I mean, even with this, I don't know a lot of our our our crowd is gonna be w women and probably moms and stuff like that. But even with the males, please. Yeah, please. I love male perspective. I I really do yeah like when male perspectives like come in and they put their two cents in, sometimes it's not needed and y'all can part there.

SPEAKER_04 40:25

Wait, but we'll also have guests. Like we'll have like male guests to get the male perspective as well. So my husband. I mean, I don't mind, but um Madman. Uh, because girl, we just had a conversation. Sean was like, I'm ready to put me in the phone.

SPEAKER_02 40:41

Oh my god, no, it's always the same way. Okay, wait, okay, wait to go. Who said you were doing it?

SPEAKER_04 40:45

Nobody said you were invited. Love you. But nobody said you were coming.

SPEAKER_02 40:53

I can't wait.

SPEAKER_04 40:53

Nobody no girl. You have to bring them down a notch. Like, just not for you. But honestly, like I wouldn't mind like later, yeah, later in the season, maybe our finale or something. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. We'll talk about it. Y'all get like two seconds of jump. It's a maybe, it's not a definite, okay. Um so yeah, like I feel like we have a good mixture, and I feel like we are going to draw um a really good crowd of women, men, just individuals to relate to what we have to say and the things we're gonna pour into this podcast. And I'm really excited.

SPEAKER_03 41:34

I am too. I'm extremely excited, and just to talk about everything, because we're gonna cover everything. It's not just gonna be all like you know, mama really related. We're gonna cover pretty much everything, topics, training. Topics, real questionable things. Oh, yes, some real questionable things, some things that y'all can bring home to your man. Like, um, what do you think about this? Some good conversation starters, too, and just things that help people do a deep dive. Um you know, I will be bringing some of my uh psychology into this, my psychology degree into this. So we need that.

SPEAKER_04 42:09

Yes, we need that, yes. And um, so in closing, we would like to ask anyone to um email us and ask for advice um for our episode maybe four.

SPEAKER_00 42:26

Yeah, probably four, we'll stop.

SPEAKER_04 42:28

Um, just to kind of get it like built up. If you have a scenario, if you have any questions, if you have, if you want some advice, just like uh email us and we're going to put it on screen or put it on a card and read it out and and give our our personal opinions on what we would do in that situation. It can be anonymous, like you can say like you want it to be anonymous, or you can say, hey no, put me out there. Like I want people to know like yeah, so so just um email us. We're gonna this is gonna be fun. I wanna like make this a like a thing, like and grow from it. And you know, like this is just the first episode.

SPEAKER_03 43:05

I want this to be a lot of people's safe space.

SPEAKER_04 43:07

No, for real.

SPEAKER_03 43:08

Come on, come on in, come on in.

SPEAKER_04 43:10

Even if you have pointers for us too.

SPEAKER_00 43:12

Like hey.

SPEAKER_04 43:13

Oh, I'm sorry. Also, I have to say, we are moving, we are moving locations, so episode four will be in a different like spot. I don't know if it's gonna be the same setup. It might be something completely different, it may be something completely different. We're growing relaunch. Literally, we're growing and we're working towards perfecting this and making something our home. Right now, we're just you know, trying to get it started. It still looks amazing now, regardless. But yeah, we did really good. Yes, like I I appreciate all the like time and like work we put into this podcast. So I'm really excited to just get it out there and connect with our people and see who you know bites and see who bites. So uh super excited. Yeah, it's gonna be great. Yeah, it's gonna be great. Cheers. Final final cheers.

SPEAKER_03 44:08

Oh okay, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 44:12

Final cheers. Final cheers to episode one and we will see you guys next time.

SPEAKER_02 44:20

Bye.