ZT Download Podcast

The Foundation of Our Relationships (Part 2) | The Real Work Behind Love

• Zaria & Toni • Season 1 • Episode 4

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0:00 | 46:02

🎙 NEW EPISODE: The Foundation of Our Relationships (Part 2)

The beginning is beautiful.

But what happens after the butterflies?

In Part 2, we're discussing the real work that goes into building a healthy relationship—the communication, trust, growth, conflict, healing, and intentional choices that helped create the foundations we stand on today.

We're talking about:
✨ Communication
✨ Trust
✨ Growing together through different seasons
✨ Relationship lessons we've learned
✨ What healthy love actually looks like

Because lasting relationships aren't built on perfection.

They're built on commitment, growth, and choosing each other again and again.

This conversation is honest, vulnerable, and one of our favorites so far.

🎧 Listen now.

The ZT Download Podcast — where it's always 2 girls with a lot 2 say.

SPEAKER_01

Welcome to the ZT Download Podcast. I'm Zarya. And I'm Tony. And we're just two girls with a lot to say. Still at 50%. Part two. Let's go. Let's do it. Let's talk about it. Let's talk about it. Okay, so what do you think is the foundation of your relationship? Like, what do you think it's like first? Your foundation. That's the first thing that comes to mind.

SPEAKER_02

When you think of how y'all built That's actually kind of crazy because we I feel like we both agree. We both are big on communication.

SPEAKER_04

Like communication is number one for us. Um I think personally mine would be faith. His faith is I can't say it's different, but he's not as it's not strong. It's not as strong, yes, as okay. So I would say faith for me, but communication for both of us. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Um I would say trust. Because yeah, it took it, it was it was uh we went through some hard seasons about uh I mean my insecurities and it was really mostly about me trusting him, but him also too trusting that I can hold my own.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01

So yeah, definitely trust. You want to dig into those insecurities? Because I'm like this one, honestly. It was like, okay, so I don't know if a lot of well, I think a lot of my followers know, but let me just um specify. We own a few venues in the DFW area. So like when he was like building that brand up, you know, he started with the alley and he was gone all the time. All the time. It was like nerve-wracking. Like, why is he never home? And I would always think like he and like sometimes he will fall asleep up there, and like he like wouldn't come home. And I'm like, what the fuck? Like, why are you not like checking in? And like, and like I would have I would call him and he'd be like, Oh, I fell asleep on the couch, and like it's that reassuring, like, like I was like tired. I couldn't drive home. Like, I was shit tired. I've been up here all day. And I thought if I got me a little power nap, I can get right back at it, fix it up because it has to get done tonight, and I'm gonna be home in like an hour. Like, he would like break all that back down.

SPEAKER_03

And I'm like, why didn't you just say that at first?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, like why didn't you just say that? But like being gone all the time, and like after I expressed that to him, I was like, I don't like that. Like, I need you to be home sometimes. Like, I understand the business. This is our this is a big bulk of our money. This is how we have established a lifestyle, you know, the house we live in, the cars we drive, and understand that, but find a way, yeah, find a way to to be at home. We need you too. And I know, you know, they love you, but you gotta be at home too. And so I think after I voiced that, he was just like, okay, I'm hearing you, let me work on it.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

And then he got management in in place. He got, you know, he hired on the staff, and like I'm seeing everything, like everything that he built kind of like work out in his favor. And it's because he stayed up there. And, you know, if I would have came home and I was bitching at him, probably would have made him want to stay up there instead of him like feeling like he had to. Yeah, you know what I mean? So yeah, yeah, insecurities. It's just about trust, like, okay, I know he's up there working, we're good, everything's good, we're good.

SPEAKER_02

See, I think that's like the stage that me and my husband have been in.

SPEAKER_04

Not like not trusting him, because I don't not not trust him, but him working is new for us. You know, we're both we're like at home with each other all the time. So going from like being at home with each other all the time to him like going to work and like me barely like talking to him, like and readjusting like my life and schedules, like be by myself or like be by myself with the kids, or like him being away. I can't even say it's like a trusting, it's like a I miss my h like I miss my husband. Like, you're not there. I feel lonely more so than like not trusting him. It's just like, but there are those moments that I'm like, okay. So like the girl, like the little girl that when I went up there, that was kind of like a why me? You know, why are you like, why do you know? Are you talking to me?

SPEAKER_03

Why are you got an attitude towards me? I don't even know you. I don't even know you. And then I was like, You like my husband? Is that what it is? Like, are you mad at me?

SPEAKER_01

Because now it's like layers.

SPEAKER_04

Now we're adding up, we're adding your own words, and now I'm like digging because I'm like, okay, yeah, what's really going on here? Because I don't even know you, and you don't you got attitude with me, or you're like acting weird. And that was like so like random. So those like little things like that, like I'll get in my head about, and then I'll voice it to him. I'll tell him he was like, like, relax, relax, or he really told the girl, my wife's gonna beat you up.

SPEAKER_01

You better chill out because all right, we're let's get into the hard stuff. Oh the hard stuff. What did you have to unlearn from your childhood trauma in order for your marriage to like succeed?

SPEAKER_04

I feel like I'm still unlearning things. I I mean, this is my first time being married, and this is my first time being in this type of serious relationship. I've been in serious relationships before, but this is like an X level to me. Um so I feel like I'm really still in the process of even unlearning things or realizing that I need to change things about my childhood um or from my childhood and things that my husband will point out to me, knowing like me, knowing my family, knowing my history, that he'll point out like, hey, like I think this is like a part of like the reason why you are the way that you are, or like certain things. Um, I can honestly say that one thing I had to like is trust. It's actually trust, just how we grew up. My dad and almost every man in my family was cheating on their wives. Sorry, y'all. But they were, they were like, you know, sneaking and geeking and and stuff like that. And that was like right in front of us, right in front of the young ones.

SPEAKER_01

That can be hard to grow up with, too.

SPEAKER_04

And it and it was because in my mind, and I don't know about like my other cousins and stuff like that, but like just growing up and seeing that and seeing how openly like they was okay with it, it was just kind of like all men are like this, you know, like that's an immediate thought process, and then just growing up with that and seeing the difficulties of like cheating and and stuff like that. That was something that I had to unlearn too, like not all men are like that, and uh something I kind of like told myself throughout my adulthood and gone to therapy about like learning that like not all men are not like that, all men don't cheat, all men are not don't have that mindset. Um, something that I I had to unlearn, and then being in a toxic relationship, something I had to re-unlear. Like it's like I kept kept having to re-unlearn. Um, that and that um she got silent, yeah. I did, because y'all, I had to unlearn a lot. Like, I'm not even gonna lie, there's a lot to unpack there with that. Okay, with that. So I'm gonna leave it at trust right now. Okay, to be continued. To be continued, y'all dig dig into that. Damn. It's a lot to unpack there.

SPEAKER_01

Okay, um, I think the one thing I had to unlearn from childhood trauma, and I don't need I don't want to say it's childhood trauma, but it's one thing that bled into my relationship that um it just it made it hard for me. It actually it created a stress for me, and that was being too independent, feeling like I had to do everything by myself. If he didn't get to it in time, I I got it, don't worry about it. Like, and the mentality of I don't need a man um that I think hurt us more than anything. Yeah. And he was always just like, just let me like let me be what I'm supposed to be for you. And so I had to, I had to um, I had to learn how to like just pull back and stop trying to be the man and the woman in the relationship because my mama growing up, I saw her be the man and the woman. And so I always felt like I had to do that when I got in a relationship too, even with the man, that I still gotta pull that same weight, but I really don't. Like, I'm really not supposed to have any of it.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, that's something that my husband teaches me now, too, is like to relax and like know that you have a partner, yeah. Like you're not in this by yourself, yeah. Um it's not called the soft life for a reason. Yeah, and I think that's something that I'm I'm uh learning how to like adjust to because before him, I mean, even in other relationships, I was it was never like a partnership, it was just you have you, I have me, like type of ordeal. 50-50. And yeah, and I've always been like on my own, like my own everything. So it's like, yeah, yeah, with him is like I I'm the provider, like I got this, like you know, or just allowing him to do, knowing that he's gonna come home and actually help me clean up, like, or you know, help me with the kids, or maybe he'll cook instead of me cooking, like and and still pull his weight and honestly do even more because like he'll work and then come home and cook for me. And I'm just like, yeah, that's beautiful. That's beautiful. There's not a lot of men that would even do that, so that's something that along with you, like just being super hyper independent. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01

I've uh I had that 50-50 hard too, yeah, like hard, and um it took me a while to break that. He told me he's like they're 50-50 in a um a uh mon monogamous relationship. Is that what it is?

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, monogamous.

SPEAKER_01

No, a girl, what is it when it's heterosexual? I couldn't think of the damn word. I was like, we go in poly.

unknown

We go in poly.

SPEAKER_01

50-50 in a in a heterosexual relationship is non-existent. No, it's not. It's never gonna be 50-50. It's never gonna be 50-50. Ever, guys. Ever. So I don't care if you're working and you are still you like you're still like a mom and you you're still in charge of this house, but like your money is your money. I still have to pull, I still have to pay the bills. I have to come home with with the bread. I have to make sure my family is taken care of. I have to make sure there's food on the table. But like, just because you're working, that doesn't mean that you're now 50% of this relationship.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

It's like, no, I have to pull more than you. Like, I always have to, because I'm the man, I have to hold more weight. That's just how it is. And you you you hold the a very important part of the relationship, but men are I mean, that's that's nature, genetics, guys.

SPEAKER_02

That's nature.

SPEAKER_01

That's like you are they are supposed to hold their family up and take that weight off the woman so the woman can focus on creating well-rounded children.

SPEAKER_04

What's so crazy is like when you you say that, like, I agree, but I honestly feel like women end up holding up the family. No, like we hold together everything, like we are the glue, like he is the foundation, and we are like the glue that just keeps everything together because a man needs a woman to like motivate him and to like keep him going and to like you know, power through and to nurture him and to you know, give him that strength to even do what he's doing.

SPEAKER_01

And there's hidden things too that women do that men don't realize until after they lost that woman. They're like, dang, I don't have this anymore. She used to do this for me, and I I took advantage of that, or right, I didn't notice it, right? And it'd be simple things like caring.

SPEAKER_04

Like, I'm starting to realize there's not a lot of women like our age and our our husband's age and stuff like that. There's not a lot of really caring, loving women out there. And I say that with all respect, and I and woman's woman, but there's a lot of selfish women out there, and because of past traumas or whatever they've gone through, but a lot of women get social media in social, maybe in social media, a lot of women got a lot of females delusional.

SPEAKER_01

Yes, I agree 110% in social media. No man gonna drop 10 bands right out the gate. Like, it's not gonna happen.

SPEAKER_03

Can we like build something first and then 10 bands get back? Can we build something first and then pay? Like, can we build this together?

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, um, but no, like, yeah, I just I do. I think that a lot of there's not a lot of women that are like that, that have that mindset. So I think that we're we're a few by the dozen. Like it's not, it's not too many of us. So a lot of men get women like us and got women that are out there that are like us and they hold on to that. They they hold on for their life, or they should. Some of them fumble and then they go searching for that woman and every other woman and never can find that woman. So here we are.

SPEAKER_01

Have you do you think that well, I think I'm asking that wrong. What has been so far the hardest season for you and your husband? I think the season right now. What season is that?

SPEAKER_02

The season of uh like him working. No, not even the season of him working. That's easier to me to deal with because I know he's gonna work out.

SPEAKER_04

That's that's the easy part. The hard part is dealing with the outside, like our past. Our past. And I say that in the sense of the noise. Yes, the noise. Um him having a life before me, him having a kid before me, and what that comes with, and vice versa, me having a kid before him, me having, you know, then uh my child's father before him, and vice versa. Though that outside noise, that's like the hardest because we can't fully even be not be ourselves, but live our lives because we're working around all of that. Everybody else, everybody else, and we're working around like our kids and like what they have going on, like and it's and it's so hard because like all the time we're like we just want to live, like we just want to be happy, have our family, like you know, and just like live our life. And it really showed us like, oh my gosh, like they people are are bitter, like they really do not like to see people do not like to see other people happy, especially when they're not a part of that happiness.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, you that's good. Um hardest season, I think, was ooh the hardest. Yeah, the hardest. The hardest season, I feel like, was oh gosh, because we've had we've had a few seasons that challenged us and it it it could have broke us. Yeah, could have very well like broke us. Like, I think both of us once or twice, no more than twice. I can't really remember like vividly, but both of us have been in a place where we wanted to walk away.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

And I'm trying to remember what seasons we were in. I think one of them was after I had Aiden going through postpartum for the first time. And I think I helped him understand. I was the one that helped him understand postpartum. Yeah. I think men don't understand postpartum, they don't, and and that's usually when relationships break. But I think I I helped communicate it better, yeah. Not angry, but more so like I need you to understand. And I also used examples. I did research, I sent him articles, I sent him TikToks, I sent him like things from men talking because I feel like maybe it would come off better if a man was like communicating it to him instead of me just like digging into him all the time. Um, but that postpartum season after Aiden was hard. And the season where I it went from him being at home all the time because he worked from home to him never being at home, and then it was after we had kids too. So I was like, I thought I was getting this family man that was at home by dinner. I did breakfast and lunch, and he did dinner and bathtime. Okay, and then like after he was never there, breakfast, lunch, dinner, bathtime all fell on me. Yeah, plus households, and then he comes home and he's in this great mood because he's been out conversing with adults, and I've been dealing with fucking tantrums and toddlers, and I can't talk to anybody, and and now he wants to have sex, and I'm like, I don't want to actually. Yes, I don't feel like it. So when I please don't touch me, leave me alone.

SPEAKER_04

Like, it's like two different worlds, and that's something me and my husband talked about is like so crazy because like we are living two different lives during the day. Like he might be exhausted from work and like exhausted from dealing with people and exhausted from dealing with blah blah blah. Yeah, and I'm at home and I'm exhausted from dealing like with kids, but then he comes home and he expects, you know, like like you said, like to be in a happy, go-lucky mood.

SPEAKER_01

He's like, ooh. And I I had to explain it to him. I was like, Do you know that like when you leave this house? I know we both get irritated and agitated by you have to deal with like adults who have mentality of of children, right? And you have to help them help them navigate their feelings and all the things, so it's almost like you're dealing with a toddler, but they still know how to communicate with you. My kids don't know more than mommy pizza, mommy, mommy, I need help, mommy shoes, mommy, you know, like something. And I was like, you do know, like when you walk in this house, because you call me your home, you call me your safe space, you walk in this house, you get to literally decompress, you get to breathe. I say, when you walk in this house, I'm still going. Yeah, I'm still going. I have to now think about you. I have to reset the house so that we can function the next day. I have to make sure things are laid out so we have an easygoing morning. I have to make sure they have stuff in the fridge so they don't yell at me. Milk, granola bars. Like I have to make sure everything's easy going. I'm not done. I don't clock out when I walk in the house. My clock just is is still going. Still going 25 minutes. My clock doesn't, I don't clock out until about two o'clock in the morning. After I'm done listening to you and you know, you getting it out about your day. My clock out starts when I'm sitting down with my glass of wine watching my shows, which is like rare.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, facts. And he was like, I get that.

SPEAKER_01

I was like, Yeah, you like you're walking in the house, you get to breathe. I'm like, I don't get to breathe. Yeah, I'm still going and I still have to wake up and do it all over again tomorrow.

SPEAKER_04

See, that's so crazy because I felt that way at first, and that was something that like my husband would tell me, like, you know, we're we're a team, and you you have me. So I actually got like dependent, if that makes sense. Like, I he gets home and I'm just like, oh, you're home. What's for dinner? Anyway for dinner. Like, let's go, let's go lay down, let's go watch TV. Like, I need like we I need us time. And he's the same way though. He's like, forget everything, like, forget these kids. If these dishes ain't done, we'll do them tomorrow. Like, hey, we're gonna go. It's us time. Kids, bed, we chowing, we going and laying in the bed.

SPEAKER_01

So that's right, yes.

SPEAKER_04

And he is like really on business. He is because he will get on me because I'm the type of person, like, I'm a lot like you. Like, I need to clean, I need to like, oh my god, I can't function if the kitchen is like a mess, or I need to do this, or I need to do this. And he's like, babe, come sit down. Yeah, nope, we're done. Come sit down, have a seat. So I appreciate that. Um, it's sometimes hard for me to get out of my head because I'm like, oh my, nobody else is gonna do it. I have to do it, I have to do it, or it's gonna be like more for me to do tomorrow. But those moments I really do appreciate because it does calm you, it you know, gives you time to relax and just like to ground yourself and honestly, thinking about all the things that you have to do throughout the day and what needs to be done next is like an immediate response, and it's like anxiety, literally. Like, if I don't, it build it honestly to me builds more anxiety, yeah. Because like you're just constantly, your mind is just constantly going where I have to do this, this, this, and this. And I feel like men think about things a little differently than that. Like, they're not like I gotta do that-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. I gotta da da da da da da. I'm not saying that they don't, but like I feel like for moms or for our situation, we're thinkers, we are like we're just constantly on the go with thinking, and I think that literally drives your anxiety through the roof, like through the roof. For real. Cause like, when do we, when do we? This this is my decompress, like this is a part of like my decompression. Like, this is a part of my outlet. This is a part of like me just being able to like let it all out and to just a a nice, a nice decompression for real.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, I'm the same way. I'm the same way. Okay. We're gonna play a game.

SPEAKER_00

Oh, so much for this thing.

SPEAKER_01

We're at low battery mode, guys. 25% almost there. Oh my god. Okay, so we're gonna play a game called Stay Prey or. Walk away. Different scenarios. We're gonna either stay, we're gonna pray about it, or means that we're gonna have a conversation. I don't know about this. We're gonna talk maybe. This is a maybe, or we're gonna walk away, which means I can't deal with that. Relationships over. So different scenarios, and uh let's go. All right, the first one, yes. Okay, would you we wanna do okay? Yeah, no, no, no. Yeah, say your love language first before you because it'll it'll make sense. All of them.

SPEAKER_04

Okay, every last one. Um, I honestly think like quality time, physical, physical touch, quality time, and uh words of affirmation. That's all of them. Words of affirmation. Yeah, and I like receiving gifts, but I mean like I would prefer physical touch and quality time to talk to physical touch and quality time.

SPEAKER_01

Okay. Mines are acts of service. Show me. Yeah, show me. Um, and if I had to pick another one, I would say, um I'm not a big touchy person. So physical touch, like I don't I don't I don't too much care for it. And that's like this is like a trauma. That's a trauma thing. Yeah. Um, but I think when he does it like like I'm like a losa, but it's not my favorite. Acts of service is top. And then after that I would say words of affirmation.

SPEAKER_02

Words of affirmation? Yeah, like words of affirmation. That's like the reassurance.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, yeah, like that's yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_04

The word the reassurance part. I mean, yeah. Okay. No, would you say if your partner forgot your birthday? Silence.

SPEAKER_01

How would you do that? I I don't okay, I think I'ma pray about it. Yeah. I'ma pray about it because I don't think I would walk away. I just I think I'm I'm gonna be like, okay, we need to talk about this because what's going on here? Well, like how how did you forget my birthday?

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, like what's really going on here?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, like yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah. Okay, so same. Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna have to pray about that.

SPEAKER_01

We gotta have a long discussion. Would you say if your partner cheated?

SPEAKER_04

I don't think that this code would you know. I have stayed in a situation where my partner has cheated. Did us? Yes. I have stayed in past, and that's why I say my past relationships are so traumatic. I have stayed, and from that experience of staying, it's not worth staying. It's not like by all means, just leave. Just just go. Some people are stronger than others and they can work through that, but for me, no thanks. I'm going. I this is because why?

SPEAKER_01

I'm gonna walk away.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, I'm gonna walk away.

SPEAKER_01

I mean, like, it's like I just feel like that's not something I'm gonna be able to come back from. Yeah, like I'm always gonna hold you. I'm gonna I'm all I'm always gonna be like messy about it. Yeah, or like not even like remember, yeah. Remember when would you stay if your partner missed your anniversary?

SPEAKER_04

That's definitely uh a pray. I'm gonna I'm gonna pray about that one. Okay, I'm gonna pray. I I do feel like anniversaries are are big, they're a big deal, but they're not a big deal. Like they're a big deal because it is a moment for us to celebrate everything that we've gone through, everything that we've accomplished, the years that we've been together, because these years can be hard, like times can be hard. So to be able to actually celebrate that and then like for your partner to like forget that. Yeah, like not like to forget that and to not make that like a big deal. It's like, oh my gosh, you don't you don't feel the same way. I feel like oh my gosh. But I don't think I would leave. I think that would just be something that we need. I might be pissed. I'm not gonna lie, you're gonna catch some grief and but we're gonna have to talk about that.

SPEAKER_01

We're gonna have to talk about that. Like, I say I'm gonna stay. I'm gonna stay. Just because I feel like it, like, I mean, I'm not a huge like anniversary person. Like, it's good to look back on those milestones, but I would say, like, I kinda what did I say? We celebrate our love every day. Every day. So I I I would appreciate that more than like an anniversary dinner, which is not a bad thing. Like, I would still be like, okay, yeah, like hell yeah, let's go out to eat for anniversary, like and and reminisce. But if he forgets, I'm not gonna like I'm not, I don't think I'm gonna be pissed.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah. What if like since you're like not an anniversary person, what if there was like more milestones, like the five year, the ten year, the the fifteen year. Like, what if you all dated by that instead of like the I mean we did.

SPEAKER_01

You guys did, yeah. Yeah, we um because we have like technically an anniversary of like our first date at Papado's, and we said that we would go back to that same Papados and sit in the same spot, and it's been I think that was the five-year mark. Oh, yeah. Now when I when I thought about it, and I was like, this is like really cool how many years has flown by. Time flies, and it doesn't really feel like it, so but like, yeah, I mean I think like maybe 10 would be more like important, but I don't know. We'll see when we get there. Yeah, I'll see.

SPEAKER_02

I feel you.

SPEAKER_01

I don't know.

SPEAKER_02

Okay, so would you stay if your man was a bad gift giver?

SPEAKER_01

Yes, I was I would stay. Yeah, yeah, because Sean is a bad gift girl.

SPEAKER_03

What is the worst gift he's got you?

SPEAKER_01

It's not like worse, it's not really worse gifts. It's like Sean just like he's not like he doesn't, he doesn't, I don't this is gonna sound bad, but like he doesn't care enough about like the gifts. Okay. Like he's not gonna like go out and shop for a gift, he'd rather take me on a trip. Yeah, he's more of an experienced guy, so he doesn't like he hates gifts, actually. Okay I'm the gift giver, yeah. Like, but my gifts are like he could never touch my gifts. Like he he tries every year, but he could never touch my gifts ever. He's like, dang, you like you just know what I need. Like, yeah, man, I do. I do. Meanwhile, he's like, I got you know a trip to Vegas planned, and you have no idea.

SPEAKER_04

I think that's a good balance though, to be honest.

SPEAKER_01

No, it is. It is. No, it's lovely.

SPEAKER_04

That's lovely. Um, I would stay. I honestly would stay. I feel like that's something that you can teach somebody too. You can. Like, I can that's like a you can teach somebody, hey, you know, give them hints, give them hair, just send them the links to things that you would like. Like, I can I can I can stay with that one. Um, my husband is a great gift giver though. Like, I'm not gonna lie. Top notch, probably the best gift giver I've ever. That's a sub. Yeah, like all right, he be he be on it, he be on it. So, yeah, but I would definitely stay.

SPEAKER_01

Would you stay if your partner never posted to you on socials? Nope. You wouldn't stay? No, you walk, I would walk.

SPEAKER_04

Dang, I would walk, and I and um, it might be trauma like past experiences or whatnot, but I believe in keeping like your relationship private as far as keeping it private, like not putting your business out there. But social media today is such an accessible world, yeah, and I feel like a lot of people live double lives on versus social media versus reality, not saying like everybody does, because everybody's intentions are not that, but because it is so easy to just dim-a-dab and to look single and to be single, no, I need my presence known. It ain't gotta be all the time, like or you know, every day, but I need my presence known. I need people to know. Cause uh for I think for women, some women, yes, some women no, but most women, we're not those, like we're not, we're not the we're not gonna go after it. If we see you got a woman, nine times out of ten, we're gonna uh gonna back it on up because nobody, not too many, some of them, some of us do, not some of us, some of y'all do like to be side pieces and are okay with being that. But women, even though you know they got kids, even though you know they got kids and they got families, y'all are okay with being side pieces, and that's not okay. But us women of quality and of high value, we we don't operate like that. So I think I need I would, yeah, I need my presence being there. Now, men, y'all don't care if I like y'all just don't care. Y'all just don't care. I think I may need you to start caring.

SPEAKER_01

I'm so sorry. I'm I'm I'm gonna I'm gonna be a man today. I do not care. I'm gonna stay. I'm gonna choose to stay. But my thing is I when I started dating, I never looked for a man that was on social media like that either. Like, I don't want you to really not even have a social media because Sean has social media, but he doesn't utilize it, and so I'm not like you ain't gotta post me. But like the guys that I've all all the guys I've always dated, because I'm on social media. I don't need you on social media because this this is my shit. So you go find something else to do. But you watch the videos I sent you, but I really I I wouldn't care.

SPEAKER_04

I wouldn't care. I think that would be my preference. My preference would be to have a man that is not on social media, yeah. But apparently that's hard to find. It is hard to find it's really hard to find somebody who is not just on social media. So I have a preference is just no no social media at all. Be a ghost. You don't even exist to social media for real. For real. Like, but since that's like not like then my other my other option is okay post me. Yeah, let let them know. Let everybody know. You said you love me, go tell everybody. Go live. Go live, go, go live.

SPEAKER_01

You better say my name.

SPEAKER_04

Then you better say my name.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04

Matter of fact, give me your phone.

SPEAKER_01

I'll do it for you. Would you stay? Would you stay if they were oh I'm sorry, that's your go.

SPEAKER_04

That's me.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04

Oh, would you stay if your partner refused couples therapy?

SPEAKER_01

Um, I'd walk. Okay.

SPEAKER_04

You were shaking your head? That's right.

SPEAKER_01

No, I was like, No, no, it's like a hell no. I'd walk, no. Like that's that's like you don't want to improve. You don't want to grow. You want to grow, you don't want to evolve. Like, no, that's that's like it's out of the question.

SPEAKER_04

What if they didn't like directly refuse but kept like making excuses, or it seemed like they were making excuses, like it was always something, like there was no effort in actually going to couple therapy.

SPEAKER_01

Still no. Okay. Still no, like, because you're not you're not confident about it.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Because it's always an excuse that means you aren't you you keep putting it aside. This is important. And like, and I feel like if you're with someone you know y'all are going through hardships, and you bring up the conversation of going to therapy, and it's like a hesitation, you can feel that. But like they should also know, like, hey, we're going through a hard time, let's do this immediately. Let's find like right now. Yeah, if it's not a right now conversation, hmm.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah. I I walk. I'm gonna have to agree with that, and I'm gonna say I I I would walk too just because it's never gonna get better, it's never gonna get better, and obviously, if what we're doing is not working for us and we don't have the tools to make it better, then we need somebody to make it better. And I honestly, um, with couples therapy, it doesn't even have to be for bad times either. Like, yeah, I think that's something that I've learned um and have grown into. Like, I couples therapy just all around, like different seasons of your life, like good, bad, all of it. Like, it's just good to have a third, a third person and somebody there that's knowledgeable in these things and can help guide you through whatever, like whatever it is. Exactly. Um, so a person like refusing to go to therapy, tell yeah, it just tells me that you don't you don't want to change, and I feel like you're you're okay and you're comfortable with where you're at, and we can all improve.

SPEAKER_01

What um would you stay if your partner still talked to their ex on occasions? So I literally had to like I was like, ooh. Hell no. Yeah, I think I would walk too. I'd walk because that that's that's a little y'all had intimacy and y'all are like talking on occasions. Like, I don't know. What are you like kicking your feet in the air or something? Like, what is this? Why are y'all talking?

SPEAKER_03

What if there's a kid involved?

SPEAKER_01

It better still be about that kid. Okay, I mean it'd better it better only be about that kid.

SPEAKER_04

What do you what are I need examples of like conversations of boundaries of that would be because I feel like I've experienced this.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. I mean, well, if it's not, if it's about anything other than your child, y'all don't really need to be talking about nothing. You don't need to be talking about anything. Trust and believe, Sean made sure. I mean, they they just they didn't they didn't really too much like each other. I mean, they like each other now. Not like each other, but like they're cool now.

SPEAKER_02

Get along, yeah.

SPEAKER_01

But like they didn't they didn't like each other to be talking about anything other than the kid. Like nothing.

SPEAKER_02

So that's like actually scary for me, because I actually think um like you should never be asking like like like what you do today.

SPEAKER_04

Okay, so maybe not like what you do today. I'm gonna give an example. I'm just gonna throw this out there. I'm gonna give an example. What if the commentary was like I think it's flirtatious, but like what if they were making jokes about each other, like, okay, Megamind, or like, okay, is that not flirtatious?

SPEAKER_01

It depends on what the conversation was about. Megamind? Like it's like it's it's like a like a cutie nickname or something, yeah, like a like a joke stay.

SPEAKER_04

Like, I don't, I don't just put them on this.

unknown

Without putting like this design there.

SPEAKER_01

I'm I'm I'm genuinely um I'm I'm trying to figure out Okay, so what about this example?

SPEAKER_04

What if they are no longer they were no longer together, whatever blah blah moved on different relationships, but one of them started their journey of like going to school while they were with the other person and they accomplished it and they finished it off with the person that they are with now. Okay, but sent them a picture of their diploma saying, just because we started this together.

SPEAKER_01

Oh no, that's too much. That's too much. The comment. Now the diploma, congratulations, proud of you. Like, whatever. But the comment we started this thing is giving attachment. Yeah, that's too much. That's too much. That's a boundary. Yeah, she crossed the line.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Or yeah. Or he. I know who it was.

SPEAKER_04

I just assumed crossed the line. Okay.

SPEAKER_01

Marriage edition.

SPEAKER_04

All right, let's let's go it. Yeah, let's dive into that one. Would you stay if your partner quit their job without discussing it first?

SPEAKER_01

I think I'm gonna have to pray about it.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah?

SPEAKER_01

I might have to pray about it. I don't think that's a deal breaker, though.

SPEAKER_04

Um, I think everybody's situation is different. Yeah. So it really depends on situations. For me, I would stay because my husband doesn't need his job. Yeah, like neither one of us have to work. So if he decided, like he called me, like, hey, I quit. Yeah. Alright, cool. That's that's okay with me. Like, I'm okay. I actually prefer it.

SPEAKER_03

Come home.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. Come home to big mom. Would you stay if they never help with house chores?

SPEAKER_04

No. I would walk. I would walk. Um, just because keeping that keeping the house up with kids and a man is a lot. And I say that because every man that I have been with, they my husband helps. My husband helps me clean up and stuff like that. But every man that I have been with, y'all are careless in some type of way. Some like y'all are careless. And nasty. Yes. And nasty. And y'all can swear y'all the cleanest man on earth. Y'all is still nasty. Yeah. Yeah. So yes, I need you to help in some shape or form. Like, it don't have to be everything, but in some, like, wash your clothes every once in a while. Like, let me fold them every once in a while. Because washing and folding clothes is a lot by itself.

SPEAKER_01

That's a job.

SPEAKER_04

That's a job. So, like, at least help tackle it there. Just like take the load off of me at times. It doesn't have to be every day. It doesn't have to be all the time, but at times, like, help me out. If you see the house is getting overwhelmed and it's like too much, help, like, just help me out. Let's pick a day, let's tackle it together, type of ordeal. Like teamwork. But I could not say if like nothing ever, no, I can't. Because it's not just, it's not just my house. It's our house. It's our home. And I'm also bringing in money as well. So you ain't the only one out here getting money.

SPEAKER_01

I'm gonna say I have to pray about it. I think it needs to be a conversation, most definitely. I wouldn't just walk off the back. But if the conversation that we had and you're not showing up like I like I asked you to, then yes, I would I would walk after that.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

But like usually after that first conversation, it's there. It's there.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, I can I can agree with that one. I my husband normally at the first conversation, we don't have to have another one.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. Yeah. It's on you.

SPEAKER_04

Yes, so would you stay if their family constantly disrespected you and they did not defend you?

SPEAKER_01

No. I'd walk. I'd walk. Why?

SPEAKER_04

Why would why would you walk away from it? I'm curious.

SPEAKER_01

Because I'm coming into your life. I need to understand that there you gonna put some pressure behind me.

unknown

Okay.

SPEAKER_01

It has happened. But like I'm not a good, I'm not gonna sit here and take shit from your family. Yeah, no, I'd walk. I'd go. If you're not defending my no.

SPEAKER_04

I agree.

SPEAKER_01

We can cut this right here.

SPEAKER_04

I would definitely have to walk.

SPEAKER_01

I don't even have to waste my time.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, I would definitely have to walk because protect me by all means. Like you are my protection even against your own family. Like, even against my own family, I'm gonna protect you at all costs because we're doing this life together.

SPEAKER_01

For sure.

SPEAKER_04

I'm no I'm not doing my life with them. Like they're my family, they're gonna be family, but I I'm choosing you, and you're choosing me. So let's do this together and protect outside.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, and that's only like like the disrespectful part, too. Like they're talking nasty to me, and you just sitting there watching them talk nasty to me.

SPEAKER_04

Ain't no way.

SPEAKER_01

No, because that that also if I'm not in the room, still behind my back, you should be standing up for me and defending me in all shapes.

SPEAKER_04

And that's honestly, that's not even just marriage, that's real friendships. That's I'm like that across the board. Like, if you're my friend, if in in any shape, form, or fashion and you're allowing anybody to talk about me behind my back and you're just there, that just shows I think that's like a character thing, too. Yeah, it just shows the type of person that you are. Um, so yeah, definitely, definitely would walk away.

SPEAKER_01

Okay, would you would you stay if your partner forgot every important date but loved you in every other way? That's hard.

SPEAKER_02

That is hard.

SPEAKER_01

Because they may just not be good at remembering stuff.

SPEAKER_02

That's the case. We need to go get you like a CT scan or something for what's wrong with your memory. This is early dementia, like what's happening?

SPEAKER_01

You know, I don't think I would mind. Oh no, I don't know. That could get really tiring having to remind them all the time what day it is.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, or like that this is important.

SPEAKER_01

That's like in that's forgetting birthdays, anniversaries, shoot, uh kids' birthdays, kids' birthdays, like important aids doctors, like yeah, that goes across the board, and no, I honestly like unless something is like medically wrong with you, yeah, no, you need to it doesn't really seem like you cure enough.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, that's what I'm like. You're not you're not being you're not caring, you're not considering me, you're not considering like the important things in our lives, so no. I'd have I'd definitely have to walk away from that one. Um, yeah, I'd have to walk away.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, I think I would walk away too. Yeah, I think I will walk. Like that's a lot to that's a that's a heavy load you have to carry. Yeah, mentally, emotionally, yeah. That's a heavy load. Yeah. Okay. We're obviously in low battery mode because these cameras keep cutting off on us. We're in low battery mode.

SPEAKER_04

Like not cooperating. They're like, we're done.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, you're done. Yeah, they're overheating and stuff. So um, in closing, let's give a little advice to your younger self. Let's in a few words. What would you tell your younger self? Let's pick age. Thirteen. Thirteen. Fourteen.

SPEAKER_04

Sixteen. Sixteen. Yeah. Sixteen. My sixteen-year-old self. Be gentle with yourself. Um and love yourself more because nobody is going to love you the way that you do. Um and to truly know know yourself. So yeah, be gentle, be kind, be patient with yourself. Because this life is gonna start life and soon, and you're gonna need all the patience with yourself, and you're gonna really need to know yourself and love yourself more than anybody ever could.

SPEAKER_01

That was beautiful. Yeah, that was really beautiful. I would say, yeah, still stand up, stand up for yourself, defend yourself, stop letting people run over you, stop letting people talk bad to you, and you just you gotta be the bigger person and walk away. No, pop your shit because you are the shit, Miss Ma'am. You gonna become the shit.

SPEAKER_03

Thank you. You've been the shit. Signing off shit.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, signing off. All right, we still are looking for um, you know, like scenarios in the uh email and in the DMs. If y'all have scenarios, if y'all have questions, if y'all want our opinion on something, drop it in the email. It could be anonymous, it's probably gonna be anonymous anyway. Um, send us an email, send us a DM, and we got y'all. We got y'all.

SPEAKER_04

Like, listen, subscribe, comment, share. Comment, share, give us all the engagement because that's what we're here for.

SPEAKER_01

And we got some good numbers. Yeah, we got some good numbers, y'all.

SPEAKER_03

Some great numbers. So thank you guys.

SPEAKER_01

The views are there, the views are there, and it's exciting, it's it's giving us a drive, it's giving us motivation, like it's more likely to do this. It's it's fueling. Yes, it really is.

SPEAKER_04

I love it, and I love y'all, and thank y'all for supporting us and watching it. And yes, give us your support.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, we love it here. We hope you love it here. See y'all next time. Bye.

SPEAKER_03

Bye, bye, girl.