Why I Came Back To Church | #002 | Not A Perfect Christian

Episode 2 is the first real step of this journey.

This week, I'm sharing what God taught me, what challenged me, and how I'm trying to apply it to my everyday life.

No perfect answers.

No pretending.

Just a Christian who's still figuring it out.

Transcript

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Welcome to Not a Perfect Christian, the podcast for people who love God, have questions, make mistakes, and occasionally have no idea what's going on. Including me. I'm still figuring it out. Let's begin. Before we get into today's topic, let me tell you how my week went. Jeez me. Honestly, things didn't go according to plan. I was supposed to be in Catalina Island this week. Instead, I was at work. Apparently, Bills don't care about vacation plan. Duty cold. So Catalina Island will have to wait. I've been keeping myself busy lately. Tennis, pickleball, running, and training for my first marathon in July. Honestly, I have no idea what I'm doing, which seems to be a recurring theme in my life lately. I'm trying to learn the Bible. I'm trying to grow closer to God. And now I'm trying to run 26.2 miles. Pray for me. This marathon means a lot to me because I'm helping raise money for children battling a rare brain cancer called astroblastoma. So every training run reminds me that some people are fighting battle much bigger than 26.2 miles. You know what's funny? The more I train for my first marathon, the more I realize fate is kind of similar. Nobody wakes up one day and accidentally runs 26.2 miles. It happens one training run at a time, one mile at a time, one step at a time. And maybe growing closer to God works the same way. Not one giant leap. Just one step, then another, then another. Maybe that's why I end every episode by saying we're simply taking one step closer to God every day. Between work, training, tennis, pickleball, school, trying to act like I have my life together. It's been a busy season. And honestly, maybe too busy. Because if there's one thing I've learned about myself, it's this. I overthink a lot. Sometimes my brain creates problems that don't even exist yet. Maybe some of you can relate. And when I say overthink, I mean I really overthink. Somebody can text me, okay. Just one word. And somehow my brain turns into a three-season Netflix series. What did they mean by okay? Was it uh happy okay? A mad okay, a disappointed okay, an okay okay. I create problems that don't even exist yet. Then during my fast, I came across a verse that surprised me. Philippians 4, 6 to 7 says, Do not be anxious about anything. And my first reaction was, wait, the Bible talks about overthinking too. I thought anxiety was the modern problem. Apparently people have been worrying a thousand of years. Who'd knew? Maybe everybody else learned this already and I'm just late to the party again. But that verse reminded me that God never asked me to control everything. He asked me to trust him. Now, if you've listened to episode one, you already know fasting isn't new to me. I've fasted before. This wasn't my first fast. But every fast seems to be teach me something different. This time I wasn't fasting because I wanted something from God. I wasn't fasting because I was trying to prove how spiritual I am. Trust me, if being hungry made people holy, I'd be a saint by now. This fast was about repentance, reflection, slowing down, and reconnecting with God. Because lately, life has been moving fast. Work, school, training, responsibilities, and sometimes I get so busy doing things that I forget to simply spend time with God. So for three days I step away from the noise. I spent time in the mountains. I spent time at the beach. I prayed, I reflected, and I listened. One of my favorite moments during the fast was spending time in the mountains. It was peaceful, quiet. There was a lake nearby and people were fishing. Nobody was in a hurry. Nobody was looking at their phones every s every five seconds. Everything just felt still. And honestly, I think that's what I needed because my mind is usually running a marathon even when my body isn't. But for a little while, everything felt peaceful. The beach was a little different. At first, it was perfect. I brought my camping chair. I was sitting there reading, praying, looking at the ocean and enjoying the sound of the waves. I was having one of the peaceful moments with God. Then suddenly, high school students started spawning everywhere. I don't know where they came from. One minute it was peaceful. Then next minute it sounded like somebody opened a portal. There were kids everywhere talking, laughing, running around. And there I was, trying to have a deep spiritual moment while listening to high school drama in the background. I remember thinking, Lord, I came here for peace. And I think God was probably thinking, then, why did you come to a bab to a public beach? Sorry. Why God is sounds like Asian. Sorry, sorry. My bad, my bad. Fair point. But honestly, even in that moment, God taught me something. Peace isn't always about having a quiet environment. Sometimes is about what's happening inside you. Because eventually I stopped focusing on the noise around me and started focusing on the reason why I was there. And that was to spend time with God. I came to the mountain hoping God would give me an answer. Instead, it felt like he was reminding me to slow down. And maybe that's what I needed all along. During one of those quiet moments, I came across a verse that honestly surprised me. It's as it's as Psalm 19.1 says, The heaven declare the glory of God, the sky proclaim the work of his hands. And my first thought was, wait, that's in the Bible? Seriously? Because that's exactly what I was looking at. The ocean, the skies, the mountains, the sunset. And somehow David wrote about that thousand of years ago. Maybe everybody else learned this in Sunday school and I'm just late to the party. But that's what I love about learning the Bible. Sometimes I discover a verse and realize God already answered a question I didn't even know I was asking. Maybe that's why I love nature so much. The mountain don't argue with me. The ocean doesn't judge me. The sunset doesn't ask me where I've been. It just reminds me how big God is. And honestly, sometimes I need that reminder. And during those three days, God keeps bringing one thing to my mind. Church. Here we are. Here we are. Now I want to clarify something. The church I recently started attending isn't the church where I was baptized. I moved house. So I started looking for a church closer to where I live. So but honestly, finding church wasn't the hardest part. The hardest part was deciding to come back. Because for almost a year I wasn't attending church regularly. There were Sundays when I knew I should go, but I didn't. Every week I told myself, maybe next Sunday. Then next Sunday became next month. And before I knew it, I almost a year had passed. The funny thing is, I never stopped believing in God. I never stopped praying. I never stopped talking to Him. But somewhere along the way I got comfortable staying away. I don't really want to get into all the details, not because they're important, but because I don't think that's the lesson. The lesson is this. Somewhere along the way I forgot something. I forgot that church is supposed to be a place where broken people are welcome. Not perfect people, broken people, people with struggles, people with questions, people with mistakes, people trying to figure life out, people like me. And honestly, sometimes I expected people to act perfectly. Then I remembered something broken people do broken things. That's why they need God. That's why I need God. And maybe that's why church exists in the first place. Then I came across another verse. It's a Roman 3 23 says, For all have sinned and fall short of a glory of God. Now, maybe this verse is obvious obviously to some people, but when I read the word all, I stop. Because it doesn't say some people, it doesn't say the people I don't like, it doesn't say the people who hurt me, it says all, including me. And honestly, I hate when the Bible does this because I was fully prepared to blame everybody else. Then Paul basically said, Yeah, you're in the group too. I was like, ah, thanks, Paul. Appreciate that. I was trying to be a victim here. Then Paul reminded me I was part of the problem too. And that's when something clicked. I realized I was expecting people to act perfectly. But only God is perfect. Only God judges perfectly, only God loves perfectly. People are still people. We're all still learning. We're all still struggling. We're all still figuring it out. So after almost a year away, I decided to come back. And honestly, I was so nervous. Walking into a church felt a little weird at first. Kind of like showing up to class after missing the entire semester. You know everybody has been there every week, and you're just hoping nobody noticed you've been gone. I sat in the back, by the way. Partly because I'm introverted and partly because I was waiting for a girl. Oh god. Oh god. Funny story. I accidentally gave her the wrong service time. Face pong. So there I was sitting in the back waiting and wondering if she was ever going to show up. Turn out I was a problem, not her. Which is another recurring theme in my life. But then worship started. The first song began. And before I knew it, I had goosebumps. I felt peace. I felt comfort. And honestly, I felt like I was home again. I didn't realize how much I missed worship until that moment. For almost a year, I had convinced myself I was fine. Then one worship song reminded me how much I missed being in God's presence. Not the building, not the schedule, not the free coffee. I don't even drink coffee. Maybe free water. Nah, now that's something I can get behind. What I miss was worship. I miss being around people singing to God. I miss being around people trying to follow God together. And for the first time in a long time, I felt at peace. This is now my second week back. And honestly, I'm glad I came. Not because everyone is perfect, but because nobody is. And then I found what might be my favorite verse this week. Yeah. Luke 5, 31 to 32 says it is not healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. Yeah, that's so good. When I read that, I literally stop because I thought, wait, Jesus is basically saying church isn't for people who have everything together. That's the point. Because for some reason I thought I needed to fix myself before coming back to church. Jesus seems to be saying, Come first. We'll work on the rest later. And when I read that, I thought, wait, that's allowed? Because my whole life I thought I needed to get my life together first. But Jesus seems to be saying, Come first. We'll figure it out together. And honestly, that blows my mind. Maybe church isn't for the people who have everything figured out. Maybe church is exactly for people who don't. People like me, people with questions, people with struggles, people trying to start over, people trying to get closer to God one day at a time. And maybe that's the biggest lesson I learned this week. A year ago, I stopped going to church because I was focused on people. This year I came back because I put my focus back on God. And that's a big difference. A year ago, if you told me I'd be sitting here talking about God on a podcast, I probably would laugh. Honestly. I will ask who hack my account. But here we are. Still learning, still growing, still figuring it out. And honestly, it's I think that's okay. Because nobody starts marathon by running 26.2 miles. Nobody learns the Bible in a week. Nobody grows closer to God overnight. It's one step, then another, then another, and that exactly where I am right now. Let's pray. Heavenly Father, thank you for reminding me that I don't have to be perfect to come to you. Thank you for meeting me during my fast. Thank you for the mountains, the ocean, the noisy beach, the quiet moment, and the lesson you to continue to teach me. Help me continue to trust you. Help me continue to learn. Help me continue to grow. And for anyone listening who feel discouraged, judge, or distant from church, remind them that you love has never left them. Thank you for being patient with us while we figure things out. In Jesus' name, amen. Remember, we're not trying to become a perfect Christian. We're simply taking one step closer to God every day. Thank you for listening. And I highly recommend you guys that you're gonna listen for the next episode. It's gonna be inspiring and I love the story. I'm gonna share something to you guys. God bless you all. I love you, and I'll see you next episode.