Look And Live | #007 | Not A Perfect Christian

What has your attention?

That was the question I heard at church this week, and honestly... I couldn't stop thinking about it.

Behind the smiles, work, school, marathon training, and everyday life, I found myself quietly battling overthinking, loneliness, and questions about the future. Then God led me to Numbers 21, where one simple command changed the way I saw everything:

Look and live.

In this episode, I share how God reminded me that it's easy to become so focused on our fears, goals, and unanswered questions that we forget His faithfulness. Maybe peace isn't found when every problem disappears. Maybe it begins when we lift our eyes back to Jesus.

If you've ever felt like you were carrying a battle that nobody else could see, I hope this episode reminds you that you're not alone.

Scripture:

•  Numbers 21:4–9 
•  John 3:14–15 
•  Matthew 11:28

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hello everyone, welcome back to Not a Perfect Christian. I hope you're all doing well. If this is your first time listening, welcome. I'm not a pastor, I'm not a Bible scholar, and I'm definitely not a perfect Christian. I'm just a regular guy trying to follow Jesus one week at a time. Every week I ask God one simple question. Lord, what are you trying to teach me this week? This week I wasn't expecting the answer. Last Thursday I went to young adults by myself. Actually, I almost always go to church by myself. Sometimes people ask me, why don't you invite someone? The truth is I do. Sometimes people come, most of the time they don't. And if I'm honest, after hearing no enough times, it starts to hurt. So eventually I stop asking as much. I just get in my car, drive to church, and walk in alone. Maybe some of you know exactly what that feels like. Walking into a room full of people while quietly carrying something nobody else can see. That was me this week. Nothing terrible happened, nobody hurt me, life just felt heavy. I've been overthinking a lot. My mind keeps running through different scenarios. How am I going to become successful one day? Am I making the right decision? Should I keep chasing all these dreams? Should I get my master's? How will nursing school go? Will this podcast actually help people? And honestly, there was another question I keep asking myself. Do I even want a relationship anymore? Dating today feels hard. Sometimes I wonder if it's worth trying. My brain deserts over time. It never clacks. The funny thing is, if you look at my life from the outside, you'd probably think everything was okay. I'm working, I'm studying, I'm training, I'm serving, I'm smiling. But inside, my mind was exhausted. I've never been someone who opened up easily. Not because I don't trust people, but because I don't want to become a burden. Sometimes I tell myself, they're already dealing with their own problems. They're probably busy. I don't want to interrupt their day. I don't want them to feel like they have to listen to me. So instead, I stay quiet, not because I don't need someone, but because I don't want someone to feel obligated to carry my problems. When I keep everything inside, my mind gets loud. Really loud. I replay conversation that never happened. I worry about tomorrow. I try to solve problems that don't even exist yet. Maybe some of you know exactly what that feels like. You smile, you go to work, you go to church, people think you're okay, but only God knows what's happening inside your heart. Then the pastor walked into the stage. He asked one simple question, a question that followed me all the way home. What has your attention? And honestly, I couldn't stop thinking about it. I drove home that night, no music, no podcast, just silence. Usually when I drive home, I like listening to something, but that night I needed the silence because one question just kept repeating in my head. What has your attention? When I got home, I sat on the edge of my bed, opened my Bible, and prayed a very simple prayer. Lord, I don't know what you're trying to teach me, but I know you're trying to teach me something. Help me see it. I opened to Numbers chapter 21. I've read this story before, but this time it felt different. It wasn't just Israel's story anymore. It was becoming mine. The Israelite had been walking through the wilderness for years. Think about everything God had already done. He rescued them from Egypt, parted the Red Sea, fed them every single morning, protected them, led them with a cloud by day and fire by night. Every single day God reminded them, I'm with you. But after a while the journey became difficult. They became impatient. They complained, not because God had stopped providing, but because they stopped noticing his provision. That sentence hit me, because that's exactly what had happened to me. This week I wasn't looking at God's faithfulness. I was looking at everything that made me anxious. My future, my career, relationships, loneliness, the next goal, the next problem, the next decision. I keep staring at everything I couldn't control. And slowly I stopped noticing everything God had already done. It's amazing how quickly we can forget yesterday's miracles because of today's worries. I complained about loneliness. Then I remembered there was a younger version of me living in the Philippines who would pray for the opportunity to be where I am today. To study, to work, to chase dreams, to build a life here. Sometimes I'm living inside prayer that God already answered. And I forget to thank him because I'm busy asking for the next thing. That convicted me. Then the story surprised me. The Israelites realized they had sinned. They asked Moses to pray for them. If I were writing the story, I would expect God to remove all the snakes immediately. Problem solved. Everybody goes home happy. But that's not what God did. Instead, he told Moses to make a bronze serpent and live it up. Anyone who had been beaten only had to look and they would live. Think about that. If you've just bitten by a snake, your natural instinct is to stare at the wounds, to look at the snake, to panic. But God says look somewhere else. That stopped me. Because that's exactly what I've been doing. When I'm anxious, I stare at my anxiety. When I'm lonely, I stare at my loneliness. When I don't know my future, I stare at all the unanswered question. Maybe God has been saying the same thing to me all week. Stop staring at your fears. Look at me. Then Pastor said something that I immediately wrote down. What has your attention will eventually have your direction. I don't think I'll ever forget that sentence because it's true. Whatever I keep looking at will eventually shape my life. If I keep looking at fear, fear will lead my decisions. If I keep looking at success, I'll never feel successful enough. If I keep looking at everything I don't have, I'll completely miss everything God has already given me. Then Jesus completely transformed the story. In John chapter 3, he says, Just as Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, so the Son of Man must be lifted up. Suddenly, I understand, the bronze serpent wasn't the destination. It was pointing to Jesus all along. Israel looked and lived. Today we look to Christ and find life. Not because we've earned it, not because we've figured life out, but because Jesus has already done what we never could. Then one final thought came into my heart. Maybe the enemy doesn't always need to destroy my faith. Maybe he only needs to destruct it. Because if he controls my attention, he slowly influences my direction. Maybe God wasn't asking me, How hard are you working? Maybe he wasn't asking, How many dreams are you chasing? Maybe he was simply asking, What are you looking at? And honestly, I think that question changed my entire week. After I closed the Bible, I just sat there, quiet, no music, no distraction, just me and God. I keep thinking about one question. What has your attention? And then another question came into my heart. Why do you care so much about other people? At first I smiled. Because I thought that's just who I am. If someone is sick, I'll check on them. If someone gets injured, I'll send them a message. If someone needs prayer, I'll pray for them. If someone needs help, I'll help if I can. If someone is eating alone, I'll invite them to sit with me. If someone is going through something difficult, I'll do my best to remind them they're not alone. I've always been like that. Then I ask myself, why? Why do I keep doing that? And after sitting quietly for a while, I think God gave me the answer. Because I know what loneliness feels like. I know what it's like to smile while your heart is carrying something heavy. I know what it's like to have a hundred thoughts running through your mind while your everyone around you thinks you're okay. I know what it feels like to wish someone would simply ask, hey, how are you? Really? And maybe that's why I care so much. Because I don't want someone else to experience what I've experienced. If I can encourage someone, I will. If I can pray for someone, I will. If I can make someone laugh, I will. If I can remind someone that they're not alone, I will. Not because I'm trying to be a hero, but because I know how much one simple act of kindness can mean. Then God showed me something else. I realized I'm really good at helping other people carrying their burdens. But I'm terrible at letting someone help carry mine. That one hurt because it's true. When I'm struggling, my first instinct isn't to call someone, is to carry it myself. I tell myself they're busy, I don't want to bother them, I'll figure it out. But the truth is, sometimes I don't figure it out. I just become quieter. And the quieter I become, the louder my thoughts become. Maybe some of you listening today know exactly what that's like. You don't want to burden anyone. So you carry everything yourself until one day it feels too heavy. This week I realized something. The biggest battle in my life wasn't at work, it wasn't in school, it wasn't marathon, it wasn't my future. The biggest battle was inside my own mind. And maybe that's exactly where the enemy wanted it to stay. Because if he can keep my eyes on my fears, I'll miss the God who's been walking beside me all alone. Then I remember something Jesus said, Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. I love that verse. Because Jesus didn't say, Come to me after you fix yourself. He didn't say, Come to me after you've stopped overthinking. He didn't say, Come to me when life final makes sense. He simply said, Come. That's it. Come with your question, come with your fears, come with your loneliness, come with your overthinking, come just as you are. And maybe that's what look and live really means. Not pretending life isn't hard, not pretending we'll never struggle again, but choosing again and again to live our eyes back to Jesus. Because peace isn't found when every question gets answered. Peace begins when my eyes stop searching everywhere else and finally rest on Christ. And I think that's exactly what God was teaching me this week. Before we end today's episode, I'd love to pray with you. Let's pray. Heavenly Father, thank you for meeting me this week. Thank you for speaking to me through your words. Thank you for asking one simple question that completely changed the way I look at my week. What has your attention? Lord, forgive me for the moment when I spend more time looking at my fears than looking at you. Forgive me for the times I forget your faithfulness. Forgive me for remembering today's problem, while forgetting yesterday's miracle. Thank you for never giving up on me. Thank you for being patient with me. Even when I lose my focus, Lord, you know my heart. You know the thoughts I never tell anyone. You know the question I carry, the loneliness, the overthinking, the worries about tomorrow. And thank you because even when nobody else sees those bottles, you do. Help me keep my eyes on you. Not because life will suddenly become easy, but because you are faithful. Teach me to trust you, even when I don't understand what's next. Teach me to remember that you've already been faithful before and you'll be faithful again. And Lord, I pray for the person listening right now. Maybe they're carrying something quietly too. Maybe they're being smiling all week while fighting a battle nobody else knows about. Remind them today that they're not forgotten, they're not alone, and they're deeply loved by you. Help all of us to keep looking to Jesus because you are still our hope. You are still our peace, and you are still love. We love you in Jesus' name. Amen. Before we go, I just want to leave you with one thought. This week, God didn't ask me how successful are you? He didn't ask me how many hours did you work? He didn't ask me, did you accomplish all your goals? He simply asked, What has your attention? I've been thinking about the question all week. That's the question I leave with you today. What has your attention? Because whether has your attention will eventually have your direction. So this week, when life feels overwhelming, when your mind starts racing, when fear tries to take over, don't just stare at the problems. Lift your eyes, look at Jesus and live. Thank you for listening. If this episode encouraged you or reminded you of something you needed to hear, would you share it with someone? You never know. God might use one conversation, one text message, or one podcast episode to remind someone they're not alone. Thank you for walking with me on this journey. Remember, I'm not a perfect Christian. I'm just someone who's learning one week at a time. I'll see you next Monday. God bless.