Faith Shame Episode 2: When Shame Tells Us We Dont Belong

What happens when a sincere believer begins to feel they no longer belong?

For many people, Faith Shame doesn't begin because they stop loving God. It begins when life takes an unexpected turn. A season of grief, disappointment, unanswered prayer, failure or loss can quietly shake our confidence and leave us questioning ourselves. 

In this episode, we reflect on why some of life's greatest challenges can leave believers wondering what their struggles say about their faith.

Using the story of Mephibosheth in 2 Samuel 9, we discover the difference between how shame sees us and how God sees us. While Mephibosheth viewed himself through the lens of his experiences, David saw him through the lens of covenant and grace. Could it be that we have also believed things about ourselves that God has never said?

Join us as we discover that our place in God's family has never been determined by how well we cope, but by His grace and His invitation to belong.

In this episode:

• Why Faith Shame can take root during difficult seasons
• How grief, disappointment and unanswered questions can shape our self-perception
• What Mephibosheth's story teaches us about belonging
• The difference between shame's voice and God's grace
• Using the SEE reflection model to help us see, examine and exchange the lies we believe for God's truth

Study Scripture: 2 Samuel 9

Reflection Question:
Have I started believing something about myself that God has never said?

Because sometimes the greatest struggle isn't what we've been through. It's what we've come to believe about ourselves because of it.

Thank you for joining me in the Word & Prayer Room. If this study has encouraged you, please follow the podcast and share it with someone who may be seeking God's direction. Remember, God is not distant or silent. He is able to make His will known to those who sincerely seek Him. Until next time, keep listening for His voice, keep trusting His word, and keep walking by faith. 

Transcript

Copy

SPEAKER_00 0:14

Welcome back to the Word and Prayer Room podcast. In our last episode, we explored how shame can rewrite the story we tell ourselves about our experiences. We reflected on how easy it is to attach meaning to the things that happen in our lives, and before we realize it, begin believing things about ourselves that God never said. As I've been reflecting on that teaching, I've been mulling over another question. What happens that causes a sincere believer to begin feeling that they no longer belong? The question first came to me after a conversation with a friend who loves the Lord dearly. As we were talking about some of the challenges they'd been facing, they said, I just don't feel like I belong anymore. Now those words stayed with me because they took me back to a recent season in my own life. After my mum passed away, I experienced grief in a way I had never done before. Looking back, I can see there were moments when I felt exactly the same. What's interesting is that nobody had treated me differently. God hadn't changed. The people around me hadn't pushed me away or made me feel unwelcome. And I realized that the change had happened within me. As I watched other people walk through grief and other difficult seasons, it seemed as though they were able to keep going while I was struggling just to make sense of what I was feeling. I found myself asking questions I had never expected to ask. Why am I finding this so hard? Shouldn't my faith be stronger than this? Shouldn't I be coping better? What does this say about me? Looking back, I'm beginning to think that those questions were never really about grief. They were about what I believed my grief was saying about me. Without realizing it, I had started measuring my faith by how well I thought I should be coping. I had started believing that because I was struggling, there must be something lacking in my faith. That for me was when faith shame began to take root. Not because I had stopped loving God or that God had stopped loving me, but because I had started believing that my struggle somehow reflected the quality of my faith. I wonder how many of us have found ourselves in that place. Not necessarily because of grief, but because life didn't work out in the way we expected. Instead of simply walking through the experience, we started judging ourselves for how we were walking through it. Today's teaching is called When Shame Tells Us We Don't Belong. To help us explore this, we're going to look at the story of Mephibosheth found in 2 Samuel chapter 9, verses 1 to 10. As we read this scripture together, I want you to pay close attention to one sentence. It's only a few words long, but I believe it reveals what can happen when someone's experiences begin shaping the way they see themselves. So let's read the base text, again taken from 2 Samuel chapter 9, verses 1 to 10, and I'm going to be reading from the New Living Translation. And it says, One day David asked, Is anyone in Saul's family still alive? Anyone to whom I can show kindness for Jonathan's sake? He summoned a man named Zeba, who had been one of Saul's servants. Are you Zeba? the king asked. Yes, sir, I am, Zeba replied. The king then asked him, Is anyone still alive from Saul's family? If so, I want to show God's kindness to them. Zeba said Yes, one of Jonathan's sons is still alive. He is crippled in both feet. Where is he? The king asked. In Lodabar, Zeba told him, at the house of Machia, son of Amil. So David sent for him and brought him from Machia's home. His name was Mephibosheth. He was Jonathan's son and Saul's grandson. When he came to David, he bowed low to the ground in deep respect. David said, Greetings Mephibosheth. Mephibosheth replied, I am your servant. Don't be afraid, David said. I intend to show kindness to you because of my promise to your father Jonathan. I will give you all the property that once belonged to your father Jonathan. I will give you all the property that once belonged to your grandfather Saul, and you will eat with me at the king's table. Mephibosheth bowed respectfully and exclaimed, Who is your servant that you should show such kindness to a dead dog like me? Then the king summoned Saul's servant Zebra and said, I have given your master's grandson everything that belonged to Saul and his family. You and your sons and servants are to farm the land for him to produce food for your master's household. But Mephabosheth, your master's grandson, will eat at my table. Zeba had fifteen sons and twenty servants. As I was reading this scripture, I found myself drawn to one particular sentence. It wasn't David's kindness that caught my attention first. It was the way Mephiboshev described himself. He said, What is your servant that you should notice a dead dog like me? How does someone come to see themselves like that? When we think about Mephiboshev's life, we can begin to understand why those words may have come so naturally to him. You see, as a young child, he lost his father and grandfather in battle. In the panic that followed, he was dropped by his nurse and left unable to walk for the rest of his life. None of those things were his choice. Yet he spent years living with the consequences. As I reflected on his story, I couldn't help wondering whether the same thing can happen to us. Not that we would ever describe ourselves as a dead dog, but perhaps we've found other words to explain how we feel about ourselves because of what we've been through. When life doesn't work out in the way we expected, we naturally try to make sense of it. We ask questions, we search for meaning. Sometimes, even without realizing it, we start drawing conclusions about ourselves. Conclusions that God has never drawn about us. I wonder whether that's what happened to Mephibosheth. I wonder whether years of loss, disappointment, and living with circumstances he never chose gradually shaped the way he saw himself. By the time he stood before David, perhaps he wasn't simply describing how he felt. Perhaps he was describing who he had come to believe he was. The more I reflected on Mefiboshev's response, the more I realized that the story isn't really about a man who had lost his confidence. It's about two very different ways of seeing the same person. Mefiboshev saw himself through the lens of everything that had happened to him. Years of loss, disappointment, and living with circumstances he had never chosen had shaped the way he viewed himself. By the time he stood before David, he genuinely believed he had nothing to offer. On the other hand, David saw something completely different. He didn't see a man whose life had been defined by tragedy. He saw the son of Jonathan, the friend he had loved, and the man with whom he had made a covenant years before. David's kindness wasn't a response to Mephiboshev's circumstances. It was a response to a promise he had already made. Mephibosheth came into David's presence carrying one view of himself, but David had never seen him that way. Nothing Mephiboshev said about himself changed David's invitation. Nothing about his past altered David's commitment to show him kindness. In fact, before Mephibosheth even arrived, David had already decided there was a place for him at the king's table. I can't help wondering, therefore, how often we do the same thing with God. We approach him carrying conclusions about ourselves that he has never reached. We assume that because we're struggling, we've somehow become less useful, less worthy, or less accepted. We believe that our experiences have changed the way God sees us, when in reality they have only changed the way we see ourselves. Perhaps that's why this story speaks so powerfully into faith shame. Mephabosheth believed his story had defined him. David reminded him that covenant did. And the same is true for us. Our place with God has never been secured by our ability to cope, our strength during difficult seasons, or our capacity to have everything together. It's always been rooted in God's grace, his love, and his covenant with us through Christ Jesus. Why don't you say amen with me? So as we close, I want to remind us that there will be seasons that shake us. There will be experiences we never expected to face. There'll be moments when we question ourselves, our faith, and even our place in God's plan. But our belonging has never been determined by how well we cope. It's never been determined by whether we always feel strong, always understand what God is doing, or always have the right answers. Our belonging has always been rooted in God's amazing grace. Perhaps that's the lesson Mephabosheth teaches us. Faith shame tells us that because of what we've been through, we've somehow lost our place. Grace reminds us that our place has never depended on our performance in the struggle. It's always depended on God's invitation. The King has already prepared a place at his table. The question is whether we will accept this invitation to a place of belonging in Christ Jesus. As we come to the end of today's teaching, let's take a few moments to pray using our C reflection model. Remember, S is for C, E is for examine, E is for exchange. Ask the Holy Spirit to help you see what you may have not fully recognized. Has there been a season in your life that has privately shook your confidence or left you feeling as though you no longer belonged? Ask the Holy Spirit to help you examine what you've come to believe because of that experience. Have you questioned your faith because you weren't coping as well as you thought you should? Have you found yourself comparing your journey with someone else's? Have you started believing something about yourself that God has never said? And finally, ask the Holy Spirit to help you exchange shame for truth. Lord, what truth do you want me to receive today? What lie do I need to surrender? And what truth do I need to embrace instead? As you reflect on these questions, remember what we saw in Mephabosheth's story. His view of himself was not the same as David's view of him. And perhaps your view of yourself isn't the same as God's view of you. So let's bring that honestly before God as we pray. So, Heavenly Father, we thank you that your love for us never changes. Thank you that our place in your family has never depended on how strong we feel, how well we cope, or whether we always have the right answers. Lord, we bring before you the seasons in our lives that have shaken us. You know the experiences that have left us with questions, and you know the conclusions we may have drawn about ourselves because of them. Where we've believed that our struggles say something about our faith or our worth, help us to see ourselves through your eyes instead. Heavenly Father, where we have privately started feeling that we no longer belong, remind us, Lord, that your invitation has never changed. Father, thank you that your grace is greater than our fears. Thank you that your grace is greater than our doubts and the stories we sometimes tell ourselves. Thank you that like Mephaboshev, we're invited to your table, not because we've earned our place, but because of your love and because of your amazing grace. And so, Lord, as we continue in this study together, help us to trust your truth more than our feelings. Give us the courage to bring our whole story to you, knowing that we are fully known, we are deeply loved, and are always in your presence. Father, we thank you that you hear us when we pray. In Jesus' name. Amen. Well, I trust that you have been blessed through this series, and in terms of an application, why not take some time to read through 2 Samuel chapter 9 again? And this time, read it slowly and bring yourself into the scene, sitting at the king's table. And as you sit at the king's table, what thoughts or feelings come to mind? And if you're able to, write them in your journal. So until next time, remember God's grace has already made a place for you. You belong. God bless, and see you in the next episode.