The Friendship Audit — Who’s Accelerating Your Momentum and Who’s Quietly Stealing It

The Momentum Coach Podcast exists to remind every midlife woman that her life is not over, it is just beginning. 

We gather each week around the real conversations about identity, purpose, love, faith, money, health, and becoming because we believe that the woman who has spent decades showing up for everyone else deserves a space to finally show up for herself. 

Through honest conversations, hard-won wisdom, and the courage to live out loud, we are building a movement of women who refuse to stay small, refuse to play it safe, and refuse to believe that their best days are behind them. 

This is not a podcast about surviving midlife. This is a podcast about owning it. Because midlife is not a decline. It is the most powerful chapter of a woman's life. And every woman deserves someone in her corner telling her so. Dr. Novice McDaniel, The Momentum Coach 

Transcript

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Greetings, everyone, and welcome to the Momentum Coach Podcast. If you've ever felt stuck, overwhelmed, or uncertain about your next step, you are in the right place. Every week, we're going to talk about mindset, consistency, momentum, and productivity so that you can go from stuck to unstoppable. I want to ask you something personal today, and I need for you to be very honest with yourself when you answer. Think about, I want you to think about the five people that you spend the most time with. Not who you wish you spent time with, not who you used to be close to. Right now, the five people that you spend the most time with in your daily life. And now ask yourself this. After you spend time with these five people, do you feel lifted or do you feel drained? Do you have conversations feeling more like yourself? Or do you leave conversations feeling more like yourself or less? Do they know the woman that you are becoming, or do they only see the woman that you've always been? Because here is something I've learned, both personally and through years of coaching women. Your circle is either your runway or your circle is your ceiling. It is either launching you forward or keeping you exactly where you are. And most of us have never stopped long enough to figure out which one it is. I'm Dr. Navis McDaniel, the Momentum Coach, and this is episode three of the Momentum Coach podcast. The friendship audit, who's accelerating your momentum, and who's quietly stealing it. Today we're going, we're going to do something that might make you a little uncomfortable. We're going to do a friendship audit. And I promise you, what comes out on the other side of this conversation will change how you move through every relationship in your life. Before we go any further, I want to acknowledge something. Friendships, especially the long ones, the deep ones, the ones woven into the fabric of who we are, are not easy to examine honestly. Because examining them means we must or we might have to admit something, something very uncomfortable. That some of the people we love the most are not good for our growth. And that doesn't make them bad people. It doesn't mean the friendship didn't matter. It doesn't mean you have to dramatically cut everyone off and start over, but it does mean that you have to be honest. And honesty about relationships is something women, especially midlife women, have been conditioned to avoid. We are the keepers, the nurturers, the ones who hold relationships, hold them together, even when it costs us something. We stay in friendships out of history, out of loyalty, and out of guilt sometimes, out of the fear that if we outgrow someone we love, there is something wrong with us. I want to speak directly to that fear today, because I have felt that fear myself. And learning to hold that truth with grace, without guilt, without anger, without abandoning myself to keep the peace, that was one of the most important things I ever did for my own momentum. So let's talk about it honestly, lovingly, and without apology. I want to walk you through what I call the four types of people in a midlife woman's circle. As I describe each one, I want you to think about who in your life fits each category. I'm not asking you to judge. Don't judge and don't judge yourself for what comes up. Just notice. Type one, the accelerator. This is the person who sees you fully, sees you clearly, and believes in the version of you that you are still becoming. She challenges you without tearing you down. She celebrates your wins without jealousy. She tells you the truth. Even when it's uncomfortable, because she loves you. She loves you enough to be honest. When you share a dream with her, she doesn't immediately list the reasons that it won't work. She says, Tell me more. How can I help? After time with her, you feel energized, you feel clearer, more like yourself. The accelerator is rare. And if you have even one accelerator in your life, protect that relationship fiercely. Invest in it, nurture it, show up for that person, show up for her the way she shows up for you. And then the second type is the historian. This person has known you for a long time. She loves you genuinely, but she is most comfortable with the version of you from the past. When you start to change, when you start reinventing, when you start growing or wanting more, she gets uncomfortable. Not because she's a bad person, she's not, but because your evolution is a mirror, it reflects back to her, the things she hasn't been willing to look at in her own life. And so she might make subtle comments. Um, oh, you've always been like this, starting things and not finishing. Isn't it a little late for all of that? I just don't want you to get hurt, sis. She thinks that she's protecting you. What she's actually doing without realizing it is protecting herself from the discomfort of your growth. The historian doesn't need to be cut off, but she does need to be understood. You can love her and still protect your dreams from her doubts. You can still love her and still protect your dreams from her doubts. And now let's talk about type three. This one is the drainer. Oh my goodness. Every conversation with this person leaves you exhausted. It's always about her, her problems, her drama, her crises. And when you try to share something about your own life, your hopes, your changes, your wins, the conversation somehow circles back to her within a few minutes. You have become her emotional landfill. And the relationship has become deeply one-sided. Now I want to be very careful here, because we all go through seasons where we need more than we can give. Grief, seasons of illness, crises, divorce. In those seasons, a good friend shows up and carries more than her share, and that's love. But if every season for years is a crisis, if you consistently leave this person feeling empty, invisible, and somehow responsible for her emotional state, sis, that's not friendship. That is a dynamic that is costing you more than you know. And type four is the comparer. Oh my goodness. Let's talk about the comparer. This one is subtle, and she might not even know what she does sometimes. Everything becomes competition. Your good news is met with her better news, your struggle is met with her bigger struggle. Your milestone is met with quiet withdrawal or barely concealed comment. The comparer cannot genuinely celebrate you because somewhere deep down on the inside, your wins feel like her losses. Spending significant time with a comparer while you are in a season of reinvention and growth is like trying to run a race with someone quietly pulling on the back of your shirt. You can still move, but it costs you so much more energy than it should. So, how do you actually audit your friendships without turning it into a cold-hearted exercise and cutting people off? That's not what we're talking about. Here's how I want you to think about it. A friendship audit is not about deciding who stays and who goes. It's not about that. It's about deciding how much of yourself, how much of your time and your energy, how much of your dreams, your heart, you invest in each relationship. Think of your emotional energy as a bank account. You have a finite amount of money to spend each day. The question isn't, should I keep this person in my life? The question is, how much of my account do I let this relationship access? Some people get full access, full access. Some people get limited access. Some people, the ones who consistently overdraw your account and never deposit anything back, may need to have their access significantly reduced. And here are three questions to ask yourself about every significant relationship in your life. Question number one: Does this person know who I am becoming or only who I've been? Growth requires people who can see your potential, not just your history. If someone can only relate to the old you, that's important information that you need to know. Question number two. Do I edit myself around this person? Do you find yourself shrinking your dreams, softening your ambitions, or leaving out important parts of your life when you're around them? Editing yourself to maintain a relationship is a sign that the relationship cannot hold all of who you are. And then question number three. How do I feel in my body? How do I feel in my physical body after time with this person? Your body knows before your mind admits it. Do you feel light? Do you feel energized? Do you feel seen? Do you feel heavy? Do you feel depleted? Somehow smaller than when you arrived. Know this, sis. Your nervous system is one of the most honest friendship auditors that you have. Trusted. So you've done the audit. We've done the audit. You've been honest with yourself. And maybe you've realized that some of the relationships closest to you are not serving the woman that you are becoming. So now what? I want to give you three options because cutting people off is rarely the first or only answer. Option number one, I'm gonna give you three. Option number one, have the have the honest conversation. Some relationships can evolve if both people are willing. If there is genuine love and history there, consider having a real conversation, not an accusation, not a list of three of grievances, but an honest, vulnerable sharing of where you are and what you need. I'm in a season of big change, and I need people around me who can support that. I value our friendship, and I want us to grow together. Can we talk about that? Some people will rise to meet you, and the friendship will become something deeper and more real than it ever was. And then option number two, naturally adjust the distance. You do not have to have a dramatic conversation to change the dynamic. You can simply, quietly, without announcement, begin to invest more of your time and energy into the relationships that fuel you. See the drainer less. Call the historian less frequently. Create natural distance. Most relationships will find their own level when you stop investing. And then option number three, release with love. Sometimes, and this takes real courage. A relationship has simply sometimes run its course. Not with bitterness, not with drama, but with genuine gratitude for what it was. An honest acknowledgement that it no longer serves either of you. Releasing a relationship that has expired is not abandonment, it is integrity. And it creates space, beautiful, necessary space for the relationship or the relationships that belong in your next chapter to find you, because they will find you. When you become more fully yourself, when you step into your reinvention with courage, you become a magnet for people who are doing the same thing. Your circle will evolve. It has to, because you are evolving. Your momentum move for this week is the friendship audit itself. I want you to take out your journal, the one that you got a few weeks ago, or that same piece of paper, which should be full by now, so you at least need another piece of paper from last week, and write down the five to seven people most present in your life right now. Next to each name, write one word that describes how you most often feel after spending time with them. Just one word. Like energized or drained, seen, invisible, inspired, heavy, safe, small. Don't overthink it. Write the first word that comes to your mind. Then look at your list and ask yourself honestly. Does this circle reflect the woman that I am becoming? If the answer is yes, pour into those relationships this week. Tell those people what they mean to you. If no, that's not a crisis, that's clarity. And clarity in my experience is always the first step toward momentum. You now know what needs to change, and knowing is everything. Thank you so much for trusting me with this conversation today. I know it wasn't the easiest one, but the women who are willing to look honestly at their circles and make the brave adjustments are the ones who move and move fast because momentum is contagious. And when you surround yourself with women who are growing, women who are becoming and refusing to stay small, you become unstoppable. Next week, we're going to talk about something that lives underneath so much of what holds midlife women back. We're going to talk about money. Not just the practical stuff, though we'll cover that too, but the story you were handed about money, the beliefs you never questioned, the way your relationship with money has quietly shaped your relationship with your own freedom. Episode four is going to open some doors. Make sure you're subscribed so you don't miss any episode. And if the friendship audit stirs something in you today, share this episode with a woman in your circle who is ready to have this conversation. The right women will know exactly what to do with it. Your circle is your runway. Choose it wisely. And when you are ready to go deeper, listen to the full podcast at Elevation Life Coaching.com slash podcast. Listen on Apple, listen on Spotify, or wherever you listen to your podcast. New episodes will drop every Wednesday morning at 6 a.m. And please, please leave us a review. Download the Momentum 365 app at Momentum365.today, your daily companion for building unstoppable momentum. And grab your copy of my new book, Momentum 365, which is 31 Days of Prophetic Alignment, AI activation, and digital wealth, available on Amazon and also at elevationlife coaching.com. I am Dr. Navis McDaniel. Now let's move.