WEBVTT 00:07:56.959 --> 00:08:00.959 Christophenesti, hallelujah, Christ is risen. 00:08:03.360 --> 00:08:04.639 The Lord is risen. 00:08:05.759 --> 00:08:06.560 Hallelujah. 00:08:07.040 --> 00:08:08.319 Let's pray together. 00:08:08.560 --> 00:08:09.360 Almighty God. 00:08:10.959 --> 00:08:12.480 All hearts are open. 00:08:12.800 --> 00:08:14.480 All desires known. 00:08:14.639 --> 00:08:16.879 And from you departed. 00:08:17.439 --> 00:08:22.879 Cleanse the thoughts of our hearts by the inspiration of your Holy Spirit. 00:08:23.120 --> 00:08:30.639 That we may perfectly love you and perfectly magnify your holy name through Christ our Lord. 00:08:31.040 --> 00:08:31.439 Amen. 00:10:16.080 --> 00:10:17.279 Let us pray. 00:10:24.960 --> 00:10:34.480 Open the eyes of our faith, that we may behold him in all intervening worlds to liberate with you in the unity of the Holy Spirit with God. 00:10:34.960 --> 00:10:36.000 Now and forever. 00:10:58.399 --> 00:11:06.879 When they find the book came together, they asked Jesus, Rabbi, is this the time when you will restore sovereignty to Israel? 00:11:07.600 --> 00:11:14.399 He replied, it is not for you to know the times or seasons that the Creator has set through divine authority. 00:11:15.360 --> 00:11:18.639 But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes upon you. 00:11:19.200 --> 00:11:25.600 And you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, in all Judea and Samaria, and to the end of the earth. 00:11:26.320 --> 00:11:27.440 The word of the Lord. 00:11:30.320 --> 00:11:35.679 We will read Psalm 34, verses 1 through 14, responsibly by the half verse. 00:11:36.879 --> 00:11:40.240 I will bless he who is God at all times. 00:11:43.679 --> 00:11:46.159 I will glory in the who is strength. 00:11:49.519 --> 00:11:52.960 Proclaim with me the greatness of he who is exalted. 00:11:53.279 --> 00:11:54.960 And all three. 00:12:24.720 --> 00:12:28.559 Taste and see that she who is delight is good. 00:12:29.360 --> 00:12:31.679 Happy are they who trust in her. 00:12:32.240 --> 00:12:36.159 Revere she who is God, you that are her saints. 00:12:39.919 --> 00:12:44.080 The young lions suffer want for food and starve. 00:12:44.960 --> 00:12:49.519 For those who eat who are heart of I have no good faith. 00:12:49.840 --> 00:12:52.639 Come, children, listen to me. 00:12:57.759 --> 00:13:01.600 Who is the woman or man that desires life? 00:13:06.159 --> 00:13:08.240 Keep your top from evil. 00:13:11.919 --> 00:13:14.159 Turn from evil and do good. 00:17:11.920 --> 00:17:13.680 Glory to you, Lord God. 00:17:14.880 --> 00:17:26.000 Jesus said, Truly, truly, I tell you all, the hour is coming and is now here when the dead will hear the voice of the Son of God, and those who hear will live. 00:17:26.319 --> 00:17:33.680 For just as the living God has life internally, just so God has granted the Son to have life internally. 00:17:34.079 --> 00:17:38.880 And God has given the Son authority to render justice because he is the Son of Woman. 00:17:42.079 --> 00:17:47.920 The hour is coming when all who are in their graves will hear his voice and will come out. 00:17:48.559 --> 00:17:55.519 Those who have done good to the resurrection of life, and those who have done evil to the resurrection of judgment. 00:17:56.480 --> 00:17:58.240 This is the gospel of the Lord. 00:18:17.440 --> 00:18:18.720 The Lord is risen. 00:18:32.240 --> 00:18:35.680 We celebrate the resurrection of the Lord for 50 days. 00:18:35.920 --> 00:18:39.200 So happy Easter is still like an appropriate thing. 00:18:39.359 --> 00:18:42.720 Hence, we're doing this reading of the Lord is risen indeed. 00:18:43.119 --> 00:18:53.039 As I mentioned to you on Easter Day, if you were here, I think the reason we have 50 days to think about resurrection is because we don't think about it very well. 00:18:54.640 --> 00:18:55.839 Here's the truth. 00:18:57.359 --> 00:19:07.039 Jesus died, he comes back in such a way that he'll never die again, and his disciples say, Ah, is now the time you're going to make Israel a sovereign nation? 00:19:07.920 --> 00:19:11.759 See, they mistake that new life means they get control. 00:19:12.880 --> 00:19:14.880 So I don't want to disappoint you with your priest. 00:19:15.119 --> 00:19:20.160 But if you're priming for the days where America is like the greatest place, that's not what church is about. 00:19:20.319 --> 00:19:21.759 That's not what Jesus cares about. 00:19:21.920 --> 00:19:23.359 That's not what God cares about. 00:19:23.519 --> 00:19:26.319 Sorry to hear it from your priest, but it's the truth. 00:19:27.440 --> 00:19:33.200 The resurrection is not about the resurrection of America, it's about the resurrection of Jesus Christ. 00:19:33.599 --> 00:19:35.599 Those are different things. 00:19:36.000 --> 00:19:40.880 And Jesus' response to the disciples, right, is that's not for you to know. 00:19:41.839 --> 00:19:44.559 Which means I don't care and you shouldn't either. 00:19:44.720 --> 00:19:50.640 Instead, he appoints the disciples to bear witness and to bear witness in their homes. 00:19:50.880 --> 00:20:04.559 And then he goes on to tell them, not just in Jerusalem, but to Samaria, like places you don't want to go, bear witness there that there is new life to be had, even if it's different than you imagine. 00:20:04.960 --> 00:20:08.799 So here we are, week three in the seven weeks of this resurrection. 00:20:08.880 --> 00:20:12.559 And this is my not-so-gentle reminder that we usually get it wrong. 00:20:14.640 --> 00:20:22.640 Maybe you grew up with less baggage than I do, but in general, because of my formation, nobody was trying to do this to me. 00:20:23.279 --> 00:20:28.240 In general, I associate resurrection with going to heaven when you die. 00:20:29.839 --> 00:20:31.920 And look, I just want to be clear. 00:20:32.240 --> 00:20:33.599 Okay, that's going to be hard. 00:20:38.880 --> 00:20:40.240 Did Jesus go to heaven? 00:20:42.000 --> 00:20:42.799 Not yet. 00:20:44.000 --> 00:20:46.960 Let's think about what resurrection looks like on earth, shall we? 00:20:47.359 --> 00:20:49.359 Again, I think that's what we're invited to do. 00:20:49.599 --> 00:20:58.640 I think it's so freaking hard and you know, somebody's transcendent, and we'll just postpone all the value of resurrection until we're dead. 00:20:58.960 --> 00:20:59.839 God help us. 00:21:01.920 --> 00:21:04.960 So what do we hear in the story today? 00:21:06.160 --> 00:21:10.799 Weird phrase, just as God has life internally. 00:21:10.960 --> 00:21:11.599 Did you hear that? 00:21:11.759 --> 00:21:12.400 Internally? 00:21:13.039 --> 00:21:14.799 And the son has life internally. 00:21:14.960 --> 00:21:28.079 So look, there's this classic sort of trope on resurrection that you can read in folks like Richard Rohr, who really builds on the work of Thomas Merton, who I'm going to tell you builds on the work of Sigmund Freud. 00:21:28.160 --> 00:21:31.039 And here's kind of what Richard Rohr uh would say. 00:21:31.200 --> 00:21:36.319 I've read more of Rohr than I have of Merton, but again, Rohr references to Merton quite a bit. 00:21:36.960 --> 00:21:49.359 Richard Rohr would say that part of the reason we hear this resurrection and this idea about dying so much, quite honestly, is that it is in some ways a metaphor for how we're called to live. 00:21:49.599 --> 00:21:55.440 So Merton is the one who uses this phrase that all of us have a true self. 00:21:56.240 --> 00:21:59.279 It's who God made in God's image and likeness. 00:22:00.240 --> 00:22:01.599 Inherently good. 00:22:02.640 --> 00:22:04.960 And this is not about blame. 00:22:05.119 --> 00:22:10.480 The truth is, there's a variety of factors for which we don't always live into our true selves. 00:22:10.720 --> 00:22:15.279 In fact, we often construct something called our false self. 00:22:15.839 --> 00:22:17.759 Now there's reasons for it. 00:22:18.000 --> 00:22:23.519 Sometimes our true self desires something it can't control and can't have. 00:22:24.079 --> 00:22:27.440 So we might settle for something we can control and have. 00:22:29.279 --> 00:22:35.279 I can't always have joy, so maybe I'll just have happiness. 00:22:36.000 --> 00:22:40.960 I can't always have charity, so maybe I'll settle for upward mobility. 00:22:41.119 --> 00:22:48.319 I can't always know that my children are going to be happy with their lives, so I'll settle for them going to Harvard or at least Brown. 00:22:50.319 --> 00:22:52.640 I hope you know what I'm talking about. 00:22:53.039 --> 00:22:54.559 I don't want to say it's wrong. 00:22:54.720 --> 00:22:56.640 I just want to say it's not our true self. 00:22:56.880 --> 00:22:59.119 So what does Richard Rohr say we're meant to do? 00:22:59.200 --> 00:23:00.720 What does Thomas Merton say to do? 00:23:00.880 --> 00:23:02.559 How can we hear this in the gospel? 00:23:02.799 --> 00:23:08.640 Well, quite honestly, our true self can't live until our false self dies. 00:23:10.000 --> 00:23:14.720 And that's the language because it feels like death and it's scary. 00:23:14.880 --> 00:23:19.839 I mean, listen, I've got to tell you, when I'm uncomfortable socially, I go to a persona. 00:23:20.000 --> 00:23:21.920 That word Greek means I put on a mask. 00:23:22.079 --> 00:23:24.240 It's not that I'm trying to hide who I am. 00:23:24.400 --> 00:23:26.400 I just I know how to be a role. 00:23:26.559 --> 00:23:29.119 I know how to play a role when I'm uncomfortable. 00:23:29.200 --> 00:23:30.319 So I'll play the role. 00:23:30.480 --> 00:23:34.000 Because sitting at discomfort is not something we have evolved to do. 00:23:34.160 --> 00:23:36.160 We don't like being uncomfortable. 00:23:36.400 --> 00:23:37.599 I mean, do you? 00:23:39.440 --> 00:23:45.119 So we know how to mitigate this discomfort by going to somewhere who isn't truly who we are. 00:23:45.279 --> 00:23:47.759 It's a way of protecting ourselves. 00:23:48.079 --> 00:23:58.079 And again, maybe the call is when we live into that mask and into that false self, we're actually already living in a kind of death, we just don't know it. 00:23:58.480 --> 00:24:10.000 So what if we put that kind of living death to death so that we could have real life? 00:24:10.160 --> 00:24:12.799 Now, if you want to hear this from Sigmund Freud, I want to hear you. 00:24:12.880 --> 00:24:18.319 He's probably one of the most misunderstood people that there is because Sigmund Freud has three words, not two. 00:24:18.480 --> 00:24:20.319 He doesn't say false self, true self. 00:24:20.480 --> 00:24:26.559 He says you have your ego, which Greek is, it means I am, like I am who I am. 00:24:26.799 --> 00:24:28.079 Sigmund Freud was Jewish. 00:24:28.160 --> 00:24:30.000 He understands that this is God's holy name. 00:24:30.160 --> 00:24:32.319 God made your ego and God beloved it. 00:24:32.480 --> 00:24:34.240 You don't need to kill your ego. 00:24:34.400 --> 00:24:35.359 You would die. 00:24:35.599 --> 00:24:38.000 Your ego is good and it's beloved by God. 00:24:38.160 --> 00:24:41.039 The problem for Freud is we've got two competing factors. 00:24:41.200 --> 00:24:42.400 We have something called the id. 00:24:42.720 --> 00:24:43.839 Maybe you've heard of this before. 00:24:44.000 --> 00:24:49.279 The id says, I'm gonna get this thing, and that's gonna give me life. 00:24:49.359 --> 00:24:56.880 It is this search to fill ourselves up with things to have life no matter the cost for us and other people. 00:24:57.039 --> 00:25:11.039 It is hoarding, it is shopaholm, sorry, it's alcoholism, it's sex addiction, it is things that will take us out of any healthy balance because we're just trying to stuff ourselves full of stuff. 00:25:12.160 --> 00:25:16.400 And then there's the other part that's called the superego. 00:25:16.799 --> 00:25:18.559 And the superego says, don't do that. 00:25:18.720 --> 00:25:20.640 Mom says no, that's not good. 00:25:21.200 --> 00:25:22.799 You don't deserve that. 00:25:23.200 --> 00:25:30.319 Suppress it! By the way, the id and the superego are both versions of the false self. 00:25:33.839 --> 00:25:35.440 So, what would Freud say? 00:25:35.599 --> 00:25:43.519 Freud would say we need to, frankly, kill our id and kill our super ego so that we can be our ego. 00:25:44.559 --> 00:25:48.400 If you kill your ego, all that's left is dysfunction. 00:25:49.039 --> 00:25:52.640 Kill the dysfunction so you can rise from the grave and live real life. 00:25:52.799 --> 00:25:58.720 Now, look, I want you to know that the very first thing I got to do when I went to seminary is supervise ministry. 00:25:58.799 --> 00:25:59.759 We call the SM. 00:26:00.160 --> 00:26:01.200 Interesting, isn't it? 00:26:01.359 --> 00:26:08.880 And for my SM, I was appointed to be a chaplain in a drug rehab facility in Atlanta for homeless black crack addicts. 00:26:09.039 --> 00:26:10.079 That was really it. 00:26:10.319 --> 00:26:18.960 And part of what you learn when you do the enemy recovery or the AA recovery system or Al-Anon or Overeaters Anonymous, right? 00:26:19.119 --> 00:26:22.559 All of these are examples of the false self that will take life from you. 00:26:22.640 --> 00:26:24.480 I hope we can agree on this. 00:26:25.359 --> 00:26:29.039 Nobody thought I want to be an addict when I grow up. 00:26:30.000 --> 00:26:34.480 What we say in recovery is my best thinking got me here. 00:26:35.519 --> 00:26:37.359 Really want to make sure you get this. 00:26:37.920 --> 00:26:39.680 Not my worst thinking. 00:26:40.880 --> 00:26:44.720 My best thinking got me here. 00:26:47.119 --> 00:26:50.960 Because I was powerless and I didn't realize it. 00:26:51.039 --> 00:26:57.119 I thought I was taking control of my life by taking drugs, and they were killing me all of all. 00:26:57.759 --> 00:27:02.559 It's really important that you hear that AA reverses the judgment. 00:27:02.880 --> 00:27:06.559 Dummies don't end up addicted to drugs and alcohol. 00:27:06.720 --> 00:27:09.359 It's not for dummies, it's for humans. 00:27:10.319 --> 00:27:14.079 We get there because we think that's where there's going to be life. 00:27:14.240 --> 00:27:20.000 We all know there's no life in it, but we just can't seem to figure out what else to do. 00:27:20.319 --> 00:27:22.079 You ever been desperate? 00:27:23.039 --> 00:27:24.960 God, I've been desperate. 00:27:26.880 --> 00:27:33.200 And what we realize when we do the work of AA and NA, and I don't have one of those. 00:27:33.279 --> 00:27:33.680 I don't. 00:27:33.839 --> 00:27:35.039 I got other problems. 00:27:35.279 --> 00:27:39.519 What we realize though is that recovery doesn't happen when we pray the sinner's prayer. 00:27:39.599 --> 00:27:40.799 It doesn't happen in the moment. 00:27:40.960 --> 00:27:45.519 You know how long you're in recovery until you die. 00:27:48.400 --> 00:27:51.920 Because it takes work day after day. 00:27:52.160 --> 00:28:02.240 I don't care how saintly you are, it takes work every single day of the rest of your life to kill your false self. 00:28:02.559 --> 00:28:06.720 Or to just let it die where the death it's going to take you to if you don't let it. 00:28:06.960 --> 00:28:08.240 That takes work. 00:28:08.720 --> 00:28:13.200 So if you're ever wondering, well, I just don't feel the presence of God because look, I haven't changed. 00:28:13.359 --> 00:28:19.279 Welcome to the human experience, which is lived not in moments but in lifetimes. 00:28:19.680 --> 00:28:24.160 This is why I think in the Lord's Prayer, we ask for our daily bread. 00:28:24.400 --> 00:28:30.400 Because if you ask God to feed you for the rest of your life, well, it just wouldn't be, it just wouldn't be possible. 00:28:30.720 --> 00:28:39.599 You know, one of the biggest problems for people who are struggling with addiction is that they realize they're going to have to live in sobriety every single day for 50 years. 00:28:39.839 --> 00:28:44.000 And that can send them right back to the bottle because it's overwhelming. 00:28:44.799 --> 00:28:52.400 Boy, I would rather climb up a mountain on my knees once than have to do that work every single day. 00:28:52.640 --> 00:28:53.680 Wouldn't you? 00:28:54.319 --> 00:29:03.519 But I want you to hear that this death of the false self of the superego and the id, that's the daily grind. 00:29:07.279 --> 00:29:09.759 And it is what God has called us to do. 00:29:09.839 --> 00:29:20.799 Now, I don't want to sound too heretical, but I'd like you to think with me that perhaps Jesus also had a superego and an id. 00:29:23.119 --> 00:29:26.240 Well, Jesus was like us in every way, but he didn't sin. 00:29:26.880 --> 00:29:30.480 That's because he learned to daily put those things to death. 00:29:32.640 --> 00:29:38.319 And if Jesus didn't have to do that, friends, he's of no use to you or me. 00:29:38.880 --> 00:29:45.119 Because the Easter message is that which has not been assumed cannot be redeemed. 00:29:45.359 --> 00:29:53.039 If Jesus did not assume the struggle against the false self, the in and the ego, he is of no help to you. 00:29:53.759 --> 00:29:55.680 So Jesus had to do this. 00:29:56.960 --> 00:29:59.359 The letter of the Hebrews is the one that says that. 00:29:59.440 --> 00:30:03.519 And Jesus does this according to Hebrews in a really, really interesting way. 00:30:03.680 --> 00:30:07.519 Boy, I sure don't like this word, and I looked it up to make sure, and I still don't like it. 00:30:07.920 --> 00:30:17.359 The author of Hebrews has translated it, or sorry, the translation we get is although Jesus was a son, he learned obedience through what he suffered. 00:30:17.599 --> 00:30:23.519 And being made perfect became the source of eternal salvation for all who obeyed him. 00:30:23.839 --> 00:30:31.279 Now, I don't like that word obedience, and some of you know this because we've been here a long time, but I'm gonna tell you why I don't like it, and then I'm gonna tell you why it's a bad translation. 00:30:31.440 --> 00:30:43.119 The reason I don't like the word obey is because I associate the word obedience with a differential in power, and I associate obedience with punishment. 00:30:43.839 --> 00:30:48.160 If you don't obey, you will be punished. 00:30:48.640 --> 00:30:59.599 It turns out that the Greek word akusineo might better be translated to hearken carefully. 00:31:01.920 --> 00:31:18.079 Well, listening carefully and obeying might be the same thing in your head, but I want you to hear that in my head there is a big difference between listening carefully and obeying, because this one sounds like punishment and this one sounds like consequences. 00:31:19.359 --> 00:31:20.960 What's the difference? 00:31:22.400 --> 00:31:34.000 Punishment is about getting even, or about wrecking vengeance, or about inflicting pain, and consequences is you get what you paid for. 00:31:37.359 --> 00:32:05.759 Now, as a parent, there are times I just want my kids to obey me because then I'm in control, and I already know that when I'm on my deathbed, what I really want is my kids to listen to me carefully, and I want to suggest that when we cross those up, we've entered the false self that I was just trying to talk about. 00:32:06.880 --> 00:32:15.359 Right, we will grab what we can get because I can't make my list my kid listen to me carefully, like with honor. 00:32:15.519 --> 00:32:19.279 I can't make that happen, but I sure can punish them if they don't. 00:32:19.599 --> 00:32:21.440 I hope you hear what I'm saying. 00:32:22.480 --> 00:32:25.440 I don't even know my statistics for when I do one or the other. 00:32:25.519 --> 00:32:27.599 I do this a lot more than I'm proud of. 00:32:28.880 --> 00:32:32.319 Which which is why I think the gospel has something to say to me. 00:32:32.880 --> 00:32:33.519 Right? 00:32:33.920 --> 00:32:37.359 And I'll tell you as a parent, because I got two kids, they're real different. 00:32:37.599 --> 00:32:50.240 Sometimes when I'm not getting either one of these things, it's gonna sound awful from your priest, but I start to enter into weird negotiations with death. 00:32:50.400 --> 00:32:55.839 Part of my false self is that there were ways I could be disowned by my parents. 00:32:56.960 --> 00:33:01.759 I don't know if your parents ever threatened to punish you with being disowned. 00:33:05.680 --> 00:33:11.920 I don't know if my parents threatened me with that either explicitly. 00:33:12.880 --> 00:33:18.880 But I was aware that there were things that might cause them to shun me. 00:33:23.519 --> 00:33:25.519 God help us if God's like that. 00:33:25.759 --> 00:33:26.400 Really? 00:33:26.720 --> 00:33:29.759 God help us if God's like that. 00:33:30.559 --> 00:33:32.720 But I sure thought God was like that. 00:33:35.279 --> 00:33:38.400 Because that's what culture said, that's what was right. 00:33:39.680 --> 00:33:41.839 I don't know what it would be for your folks. 00:33:42.000 --> 00:33:45.039 For me, oh gosh, I've threaded the needle a few times. 00:33:45.359 --> 00:33:48.079 Turns out they're more gracious than I thought they were. 00:33:49.279 --> 00:33:54.720 I don't know if you've ever found yourself thinking, if my brother does this, he's dead to me. 00:33:55.359 --> 00:33:59.599 I don't know if you've ever said, son, you do this and we're done. 00:34:00.160 --> 00:34:01.359 I don't know. 00:34:03.920 --> 00:34:12.639 Maybe it's never been that clear, but I do wonder if there are people who are dead to you. 00:34:18.880 --> 00:34:34.239 I wonder about it, and I don't want to be too political, because I've been told that if you sort of have the wrong view about God or you worship the wrong God, well, you're kind of a savage and you're going to hell, so who cares anyway? 00:34:34.880 --> 00:34:36.000 Where did I hear that? 00:34:36.239 --> 00:34:38.079 On the radio this week. 00:34:38.960 --> 00:34:42.800 People say things like that with power. 00:34:44.159 --> 00:34:45.519 Who are you talking about? 00:34:45.599 --> 00:34:46.719 I'll tell you later. 00:34:46.960 --> 00:34:49.440 If you really don't know, I'll tell you. 00:34:50.559 --> 00:34:54.880 And I want you to hear there's nothing godly about that. 00:34:55.840 --> 00:34:57.840 There's nothing godly about that. 00:34:59.199 --> 00:35:04.880 That sounds like the id and the superego masquerading as God to me. 00:35:06.000 --> 00:35:08.400 Why do I want to name that critical point? 00:35:08.559 --> 00:35:16.719 Because I think what Jesus did is the same thing we are actually asked to do so we can enjoy the lives we have. 00:35:16.960 --> 00:35:20.639 And listening carefully to God might mean suffering. 00:35:23.679 --> 00:35:27.280 Like when people reject me, I'll just reject them. 00:35:27.440 --> 00:35:29.039 Isn't that what they want? 00:35:29.440 --> 00:35:32.480 I don't know what they want, but I know that's not what God wants. 00:35:33.039 --> 00:35:34.239 I know that. 00:35:34.719 --> 00:35:36.719 To be honest, you know that too. 00:35:37.039 --> 00:35:42.639 The truth is trying to accept people who won't accept you is painful. 00:35:44.480 --> 00:35:49.519 No, it's not the same suffering as you know getting a big abrasion on your arm. 00:35:49.920 --> 00:35:51.199 But it hurts. 00:35:51.920 --> 00:35:56.159 It hurts to pour yourself out for people who don't want to receive you. 00:35:56.400 --> 00:35:57.760 Am I wrong? 00:35:58.719 --> 00:36:03.760 So, how is it that Jesus crucified his id and his superego? 00:36:04.000 --> 00:36:05.039 He suffered. 00:36:05.360 --> 00:36:07.599 I don't just meet on the cross. 00:36:08.639 --> 00:36:10.480 I mean, he suffered. 00:36:11.119 --> 00:36:18.079 It's suffering to tell a Samaritan woman who's begging on behalf of her child, and you've told her, I didn't come for you. 00:36:18.239 --> 00:36:21.199 And she says, Yeah, but even dogs eat crumbs. 00:36:22.639 --> 00:36:24.960 It's a little bit painful to say, you know, you're right. 00:36:25.039 --> 00:36:26.719 You've had like better faith than I did. 00:36:26.880 --> 00:36:28.239 By the way, Jesus said that. 00:36:28.320 --> 00:36:30.159 Like that's in the book. 00:36:31.360 --> 00:36:33.840 Like it's suffering to repent. 00:36:34.000 --> 00:36:35.440 I like being right. 00:36:36.000 --> 00:36:37.039 Don't you? 00:36:37.760 --> 00:36:39.280 There's a lot of engineers here. 00:36:39.360 --> 00:36:40.800 Don't you like being right? 00:36:41.039 --> 00:36:42.559 Yeah, I think so, right? 00:36:42.719 --> 00:36:43.599 It's suffering. 00:36:43.840 --> 00:36:46.559 It's a little bit tough to say, I was wrong about that. 00:36:46.880 --> 00:36:48.239 I was wrong. 00:36:49.280 --> 00:36:51.599 Apparently, this is what Jesus did. 00:36:53.039 --> 00:36:59.039 He learned to say, like, I wasn't right about that, or even though you reject my love, I'm gonna love you. 00:36:59.599 --> 00:37:11.599 Even though you're abhorrent to my culture, because you've got leprosy, or because you've got a disability in your hand, or even worse, because you're a woman, I'm going to love you anyway. 00:37:12.960 --> 00:37:14.239 Publicly. 00:37:14.800 --> 00:37:21.119 Don't think that Jesus was a rebel without a cause and he just enjoyed, you know, upsetting everybody. 00:37:21.280 --> 00:37:22.480 That's we have a word for that. 00:37:22.559 --> 00:37:24.159 Those are sociopaths. 00:37:24.639 --> 00:37:27.920 He didn't do it to make a scene, he did it because he cared. 00:37:30.800 --> 00:37:32.239 This is suffering. 00:37:34.079 --> 00:37:44.639 And I want to suggest to you that it is maybe by making these types of suffering that we experience ego life. 00:37:47.599 --> 00:37:52.880 If you're trying to hurt yourself so that you can make God happy, stop. 00:37:53.840 --> 00:37:55.599 That will not make God happy. 00:37:56.559 --> 00:37:58.639 It won't make you happy either. 00:37:59.119 --> 00:38:02.880 No, this is not like suffering in order to suffer. 00:38:03.039 --> 00:38:07.280 The suffering I'm talking about is pouring ourselves out. 00:38:08.719 --> 00:38:12.559 And Sean was really kind to let me be the celebrant today. 00:38:13.760 --> 00:38:14.880 Because I needed to. 00:38:15.039 --> 00:38:15.840 Sorry, I needed to. 00:38:15.920 --> 00:38:18.960 I'll tell you why in a little bit, but here's part of why. 00:38:19.360 --> 00:38:24.719 Because I don't know who in your life needs you to pour yourself out. 00:38:24.960 --> 00:38:26.239 I don't know. 00:38:26.800 --> 00:38:29.039 But I know who needed it on Friday. 00:38:29.280 --> 00:38:33.039 It was Marella Beyer, who has worshipped here for about 30 years. 00:38:33.199 --> 00:38:42.559 Morella Beyer went in to the eel because she had some arrhythmic, she got a pacemaker, and then she died getting the pacemaker adjusted. 00:38:44.079 --> 00:38:51.519 And I went to the hospital because the nurse called me and said, listen, this has gone really bad. 00:38:52.400 --> 00:38:56.880 And her heart is only beating because we have a heart pump beating her heart. 00:38:58.159 --> 00:39:01.599 And she's really only breathing well because she's intubated. 00:39:02.239 --> 00:39:02.559 Right? 00:39:02.639 --> 00:39:10.800 That means she's got like a tube into her lungs because she has pulmonary edema, which means like there's fluid in her lungs, right? 00:39:11.119 --> 00:39:12.880 And she didn't want either of those things. 00:39:13.039 --> 00:39:14.800 Like she has a living wheel, right? 00:39:15.039 --> 00:39:16.239 Took a minute to find it. 00:39:16.400 --> 00:39:17.440 So so we did. 00:39:17.519 --> 00:39:22.239 And we're there with the POA, and the nurse says, listen, we've just come back, it's three o'clock. 00:39:22.400 --> 00:39:24.719 So so we go, right? 00:39:24.880 --> 00:39:25.199 We go. 00:39:25.360 --> 00:39:28.880 And boy, I talked to her in the morning, and she was fine. 00:39:29.119 --> 00:39:32.159 And and then she wasn't she wasn't fine. 00:39:33.199 --> 00:39:44.239 And and um there ended up being three of us in the room, which was something three of us in the room, and Morella, it's really clear she's responsive, she's able to nod her head or shake her head. 00:39:46.719 --> 00:39:55.920 She's really clear that when they remove the vent and when they turn off the heart pump, she's gonna die. 00:39:56.079 --> 00:39:56.960 She knows that. 00:39:57.280 --> 00:39:57.519 Right? 00:39:57.920 --> 00:39:59.519 That's that's what she wanted. 00:39:59.840 --> 00:40:02.320 It took five hours for them to do it. 00:40:04.880 --> 00:40:06.800 I could get mad at the medical assistant. 00:40:06.880 --> 00:40:08.960 I am, but that doesn't really matter. 00:40:09.119 --> 00:40:15.280 The the truth is, here is a woman who knows she's gonna die and has to wait to do it. 00:40:17.119 --> 00:40:20.480 And it was clear she wanted me there. 00:40:20.719 --> 00:40:23.760 Now, Sean and I already have this exchange. 00:40:24.079 --> 00:40:29.039 What do they tell us in seminary about keeping vigil with people who are going to die? 00:40:29.199 --> 00:40:30.239 Do you want to know? 00:40:30.719 --> 00:40:31.840 About nothing. 00:40:32.480 --> 00:40:33.679 About nothing. 00:40:35.039 --> 00:40:36.320 So, what do I have? 00:40:36.400 --> 00:40:42.480 I've got the prayer book, which has it two and a half pages called Ministration of a Time of Death. 00:40:42.639 --> 00:40:44.559 I said, Morella, do you want that? 00:40:44.719 --> 00:40:45.760 She said, No. 00:40:47.039 --> 00:40:49.679 So I was out of resources immediately. 00:40:50.079 --> 00:40:51.360 I just want you to know. 00:40:51.679 --> 00:40:52.079 Right? 00:40:52.239 --> 00:40:59.760 So, so how do you pour out your life with somebody who wants you there and whose own life is pouring out? 00:41:01.599 --> 00:41:06.159 When I say it's suffering, I don't mean like it's to be avoided. 00:41:06.320 --> 00:41:13.119 I just mean it's so intense to think about how to be with somebody. 00:41:15.360 --> 00:41:19.360 Sure, we know God's never gonna leave them alone, but you aren't gonna leave them alone. 00:41:19.599 --> 00:41:22.320 So, how do you be with somebody and not leave them alone? 00:41:22.480 --> 00:41:24.239 Like, what does it mean to keep vigil? 00:41:24.400 --> 00:41:32.639 And I've got to tell you, my head was moving the whole time, and it's exhausting to think, well, what would I want if I were? 00:41:33.360 --> 00:41:36.079 And she's not me, so what does she want? 00:41:38.239 --> 00:41:41.440 So I asked, and and and listen, she was able to respond. 00:41:41.519 --> 00:41:44.079 I said, Do you want me to tell you some stories? 00:41:44.559 --> 00:41:46.079 And she nodded. 00:41:46.480 --> 00:41:48.000 So I told her stories. 00:41:48.079 --> 00:41:50.239 I didn't know what stories she wanted to hear. 00:41:50.400 --> 00:41:51.119 I don't. 00:41:51.440 --> 00:41:57.760 So so I told her stories about how I met her and what I appreciated about her. 00:41:59.199 --> 00:42:05.119 And I told her stories about my kids because she she knew both of them, and most of you all only know one of them. 00:42:06.480 --> 00:42:13.280 And and I told her stories about her church, and and then I told her stories about places I'd been in the world because she liked to travel. 00:42:15.519 --> 00:42:20.400 And then I prayed the ministration for the time of death, but I didn't pray it out loud. 00:42:20.480 --> 00:42:22.719 Just I didn't, you know, that was for me. 00:42:23.360 --> 00:42:26.639 And then I asked her if she wanted me to read her some poems. 00:42:27.519 --> 00:42:29.119 She was an engineer. 00:42:29.440 --> 00:42:32.159 She scrunched up her forehead and shook her head. 00:42:33.599 --> 00:42:35.599 She said no, right? 00:42:36.320 --> 00:42:39.199 And why is it suffering to take no? 00:42:39.360 --> 00:42:43.679 It's not suffering, but it's like, okay, now I know I need to figure out something else, right? 00:42:44.239 --> 00:42:53.039 Like to be devoted to somebody for five hours, of course, it's holy time and it's a gift, and it is pouring yourself out for somebody else, right? 00:42:54.320 --> 00:42:56.559 Listen, I don't know that I got it right. 00:42:56.639 --> 00:42:58.079 I just know I stay. 00:42:58.320 --> 00:43:00.000 I know I stayed. 00:43:00.880 --> 00:43:04.000 And I think we have times where we don't know what's right. 00:43:04.239 --> 00:43:05.519 Because what is right? 00:43:06.239 --> 00:43:09.679 I mean, I think that's the wrong question a lot of the time. 00:43:09.840 --> 00:43:10.400 What's right? 00:43:10.800 --> 00:43:13.920 I don't know what's right, as if there's only one thing to do. 00:43:14.880 --> 00:43:16.719 But it's probably right to stay. 00:43:16.880 --> 00:43:19.440 It's probably right to stay. 00:43:20.320 --> 00:43:22.000 Because that's what she said she wanted. 00:43:22.159 --> 00:43:26.400 I don't know why she wanted that, but that's what she said she wanted when she nodded her head. 00:43:26.480 --> 00:43:28.639 So we so we stayed. 00:43:28.800 --> 00:43:33.519 And of course it's uncomfortable when we're trying to figure out how to unlock her phone. 00:43:34.000 --> 00:43:39.920 And we need the six digits, and we've got the first three, and how are we gonna get the last three? 00:43:46.320 --> 00:43:50.400 We tried for 15 minutes, we couldn't we couldn't figure them out. 00:43:51.599 --> 00:43:58.000 And that's when she cried because she knew the digits and she didn't know how to tell us, and and we tried, you know, blink. 00:43:58.079 --> 00:43:59.199 Yes, if it's one. 00:43:59.360 --> 00:44:00.800 Okay, it wasn't one, you didn't blink. 00:44:00.880 --> 00:44:01.440 Okay, was it two? 00:44:01.599 --> 00:44:02.719 And we just we couldn't get it. 00:44:02.880 --> 00:44:04.559 And why did we need to get into her phone? 00:44:04.639 --> 00:44:08.400 Because we needed to take care of her family, and that's where everything's stored, right? 00:44:08.480 --> 00:44:19.199 And so uh it's not painful suffering, it's that you're there and you want to figure this out. 00:44:19.360 --> 00:44:22.719 You you want to be helping, you don't know if you're helpful or not. 00:44:22.880 --> 00:44:26.639 And I'm gonna say it seems like it's better if we stay than if we leave. 00:44:28.239 --> 00:44:32.480 I wonder if that isn't, frankly, like a simple way from my own life. 00:44:32.639 --> 00:44:35.360 Yeah, it may not be somebody's literally dying. 00:44:35.519 --> 00:44:38.880 I think the truth is we know people are dying all the time around us. 00:44:39.440 --> 00:44:43.679 They're dying of disappointment, they're dying of fear and anxiety, right? 00:44:43.920 --> 00:44:46.559 And boy, it's really uncomfortable to be around that. 00:44:46.639 --> 00:44:48.960 So do we just stay or do we leave? 00:44:49.199 --> 00:44:50.559 I don't know. 00:44:52.559 --> 00:44:59.280 But I'd like to think that Jesus learned to listen carefully to God because he leaned into the discomfort of stay. 00:45:01.039 --> 00:45:03.119 Again and again and again. 00:45:03.280 --> 00:45:07.119 You know, when the disciples get him really wrong, they're like, Oh, you're gonna make Israel great again. 00:45:07.280 --> 00:45:09.519 He's like, Listen, that's not why I'm here. 00:45:11.199 --> 00:45:12.719 That's not why I'm here. 00:45:13.679 --> 00:45:27.519 I'm here to bear witness that exactly in this suffering of pouring myself out for other people is where God is hurt and where new life is found. 00:45:27.840 --> 00:45:31.519 And again, I want to return, I want to be really clear about this word suffering. 00:45:31.920 --> 00:45:36.239 It is painful to pour ourselves out not knowing where it's gonna go. 00:45:36.480 --> 00:45:38.159 It is so painful. 00:45:38.639 --> 00:45:48.320 I've said this before: if you have kids, if you knew that fasting for 10 years was gonna work, we'd all do it. 00:45:49.840 --> 00:45:51.920 I just don't know if it's gonna work. 00:45:52.880 --> 00:45:56.239 We don't know if it's gonna work, and we don't like suffering for nothing. 00:45:56.480 --> 00:46:00.960 And here's the reminder it's never for nothing to pour ourselves out for somebody else. 00:46:01.119 --> 00:46:03.920 It is never for nothing, no matter how it feels. 00:46:04.079 --> 00:46:10.400