SPEAKER_02: Blessed be God, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.
SPEAKER_02: Blessed be God's family now and forever.
SPEAKER_02: Amen.
SPEAKER_02: Almighty God, to you all hearts are open, all desires known, and from you no secrets are hid.
SPEAKER_02: Cleanse the thoughts of our hearts by the inspiration of your Holy Spirit, and we may perfectly love you and worthily magnify your holy name through Christ our Lord.
SPEAKER_02: Amen.
SPEAKER_02: The Lord be with you.
SPEAKER_02: Let us pray.
SPEAKER_02: Grant, O merciful God, that your church being gathered together in unity by your Holy Spirit, may show forth your power among all peoples to the glory of your name.
SPEAKER_02: Through Jesus Christ our Lord, who lives and reigns with you in the Holy Spirit, one God, forever and ever.
SPEAKER_02: Amen.
SPEAKER_02: Please be seated for the lessons.
SPEAKER_01: Now the sons of Saul were Jonathan, Ishbai, and Melchishawa.
SPEAKER_01: And the names of his two daughters, the name of the firstborn was Mareb, and the name of the younger, Mikal.
SPEAKER_01: The name of Saul's wife was Ahinoam, daughter of Ahimeaz.
SPEAKER_01: And the name of the commander of his army was Abner, son of Ner, Saul's uncle.
SPEAKER_01: Kish was the father of Saul and Ner, the father of Abner was the son of Abiel.
SPEAKER_01: Then Saul said to David, Look, here is my older daughter Merah.
SPEAKER_01: I will give her to you as a wife.
SPEAKER_01: Only be my valiant warrior and fight the battles of the Holy One.
SPEAKER_01: For Saul said to himself, Let me not raise a hand against him, rather let the hand of the Philistines do it.
SPEAKER_01: Then David said to Saul, Who am I, and what is my lineage, my ancestral house in Israel, that I should be son-in-law to the ruler of Israel.
SPEAKER_01: But at the time for giving Meira, the daughter of Saul to David, it happened that she was given to Adriel, the Maholothite, as a wife.
SPEAKER_01: Now at the same time Saul's daughter Mikal loved David.
SPEAKER_01: Saul was told, and the matter was all right in his eyes.
SPEAKER_01: So Saul said to himself, Let me give Mikal to David, that she may be a snare for him, and that the hand of the Philistines may be against him.
SPEAKER_01: So Saul said to David a second time, Through the second shall you be my son-in-law this day.
SPEAKER_01: And Saul came to fear David more, and Saul became the enemy of David every day from that word of the Lord.
SPEAKER_01: Only with God is my soul quiet.
SPEAKER_01: Only she is my rock and my salvation, my stronghold.
SPEAKER_01: Truly, from their lofty position, they plan to drag them down.
SPEAKER_01: They take pleasure in falsehood.
SPEAKER_01: For God alone is my soul silent.
SPEAKER_01: Only she is my rock, my salvation, my stronghold.
SPEAKER_01: With God is my deliverance and my honor.
SPEAKER_01: Trust in her at all times, O people, pour out your heart before her.
SPEAKER_01: Trust not in oppression and set not your heart on robbery.
SPEAKER_01: Once has God spoken, twice have I heard this.
SPEAKER_01: Faithful love belongs to you, Most High.
SPEAKER_00: Abhor what is evil, cling to what is good.
SPEAKER_00: Love one another as family.
SPEAKER_00: Lead the way in showing honor to one another.
SPEAKER_00: In zeal, not idle, feverent in spirit, serving the Messiah.
SPEAKER_00: In hope, rejoice, and suffering endure, and prayer persevere.
SPEAKER_00: Take part in meeting the needs of the saints.
SPEAKER_00: Practice hospitality.
SPEAKER_00: Bless those who persecute you.
SPEAKER_00: Bless and do not curse them.
SPEAKER_00: Rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep.
SPEAKER_00: Live in harmony with one another.
SPEAKER_00: Do not think highly of yourself.
SPEAKER_00: Sit with the lowly.
SPEAKER_00: Do not claim to be wiser than they are.
SPEAKER_00: Do not repay anyone evil for evil, but contemplate what is good in the sight of all persons.
SPEAKER_00: If possible for you, live peaceably with all.
SPEAKER_00: Do not avenge yourself yourselves, beloved.
SPEAKER_00: Rather leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Holy One.
SPEAKER_00: On the contrary, if your enemies hunger, feed them.
SPEAKER_00: If they thirst, give them drink.
SPEAKER_00: For doing this, you will keep burning coals on their heads.
SPEAKER_00: Be not overcome by evil, rather overcome evil with good.
SPEAKER_00: The word of the Lord.
SPEAKER_03: By their fruits you will know them.
SPEAKER_03: Are grapes gathered from thorns, or from thistles figs?
SPEAKER_03: Thus every good tree bears beautiful fruit, but the rotten tree bears wicked fruit.
SPEAKER_03: A good tree cannot bear wicked fruit, nor can a corrupt tree bear beautiful fruit.
SPEAKER_03: Every tree that does not bear beautiful fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire.
SPEAKER_03: Thus you will know them by their fruits.
SPEAKER_03: This is the gospel of the Lord.
SPEAKER_03: I just want to name attention in this in this story.
SPEAKER_03: I mean, the first thought, right?
SPEAKER_03: If we just take this in a traditional way, I think we all get this understanding that talk is cheap, right?
SPEAKER_03: Like people can say the right things without doing the right things.
SPEAKER_03: And maybe this calls us to a little bit of account, right?
SPEAKER_03: And I want to warn us, I think, because I see Paul doing this move.
SPEAKER_03: It's like in the very beginning, Paul says, hate what's evil and cling to what's good.
SPEAKER_03: And I'm afraid that we live in a very bifurcated binary reality of good, evil.
SPEAKER_03: You're all good or you're all bad.
SPEAKER_03: Your fruit is all good or your fruit is all bad.
SPEAKER_03: And I just want to remind us to keep reading.
SPEAKER_03: Because Paul names to love one another as family, including like who we perceive to be bad.
SPEAKER_03: Did you notice this?
SPEAKER_03: Paul does not say, cut off those who are bad.
SPEAKER_03: Instead, he says, contemplate what is good in the sight of all.
SPEAKER_03: Vengeance is gods, instead, feed your hungry enemies and give water to your thirsty enemies.
SPEAKER_03: So I want to introduce to you a language foreign to the biblical world that in some ways I think is more natural than the one we've settled into.
SPEAKER_03: If you, I don't know if you were raised in a binary spiritual tradition that is the either or, that has no shades of gray, and ultimately says something like, you are either following God or you're an enemy of God.
SPEAKER_03: I was raised in that tradition.
SPEAKER_03: It is a tough weight to bear.
SPEAKER_03: Because there's no wiggle room.
SPEAKER_03: You either are all or you're not.
SPEAKER_03: Now, I I want to introduce you to some language, and I've shared this a little bit here and there, from internal family systems, which is a way of doing therapy that was discovered by Dick Schwartz about 15 years ago.
SPEAKER_03: And it's it's really become cathartic for me, but the language to me opens up a different way of understanding these readings.
SPEAKER_03: See, I was taught that we have one mind in us.
SPEAKER_03: We have one mind which is like an onion.
SPEAKER_03: Lots of little layers, right?
SPEAKER_03: But one mind, so layers, and you peel them off and you get down to the middle, and there's just one thinking.
SPEAKER_03: So Sean and I were talking about this the other day.
SPEAKER_03: And this leads to the belief that every feeling has a thought behind it.
SPEAKER_03: Well, you ever had feelings that came out of nowhere?
SPEAKER_03: And then to try to be reconciled with that, if I read in a binary world, it's like, well, I must be bad because I have bad feelings.
SPEAKER_03: Joel Osteen will tell you that.
SPEAKER_03: But I don't think Jesus will tell you that.
SPEAKER_03: Instead, IFS suggests that instead of having one mind, one soul mind, we actually our brain is sort of like a little family.
SPEAKER_03: So instead of an onion, think of a head of garlic cloves.
SPEAKER_03: But those cloves are called our parts.
SPEAKER_03: You ever notice conflicting parts in you?
SPEAKER_03: I mean, I sure notice conflicting parts in myself all the time.
SPEAKER_03: Like the part that really wants to be generous, and then the part that says you get what you earn.
SPEAKER_03: I don't know if you have those parts in you.
SPEAKER_03: I got those parts.
SPEAKER_03: And I'm gonna tell you that those parts are not bad.
SPEAKER_03: Those parts in us are actually linked to experiences of fear and anger and shame, times we were hurt.
SPEAKER_03: Like I have a part in me that says you have to constantly earn the right to take up space.
SPEAKER_03: So I'm gonna tell you, we had a great weekend last weekend.
SPEAKER_03: And there's a part of me that said, but what are you gonna do next?
SPEAKER_03: And that part can get in the way of celebrating what we had.
SPEAKER_03: I don't know if you have a part in you like that, but I got a part in me like that.
SPEAKER_03: Sometimes I know where the part comes from.
SPEAKER_03: I've told you this story, but once upon a time I had to make a hundred on a calculus test to earn an A for the semester.
SPEAKER_03: And I earned a 98, and what do you know?
SPEAKER_03: The teacher gave me the A, rounded it up.
SPEAKER_03: But I took the test home, and one of my loved ones looked at the score and said, What'd you miss?
SPEAKER_03: And there was a part of me that adopted shame in a 98.
SPEAKER_03: It was the highest score in either one of the calculus classes.
SPEAKER_03: It was.
SPEAKER_03: But the reaction I got was it wasn't actually perfect.
SPEAKER_03: Now, at this point in my life, I'm probably mature enough to say, yeah, and it was the best there was.
SPEAKER_03: So, like you you did great.
SPEAKER_03: Sixteen-year-old me did not have that sophistication.
SPEAKER_03: 16-year-old me heard, you're not perfect.
SPEAKER_03: And you must be, or this will be intensely painful to do again and again and again.
SPEAKER_03: So a part of me was born called perfectionism.
SPEAKER_03: It probably existed a little bit before that, but that's a core memory of mine that I had to get a hundred.
SPEAKER_03: Now, I know at the age of 46 that I don't have to get hundreds.
SPEAKER_03: Like I know that, but that part of me doesn't know that all the time.
SPEAKER_03: That part isn't bad.
SPEAKER_03: You understand?
SPEAKER_03: That clove of garlic is actually really just trying to protect me from being hurt, and its strategy is that of a 16-year-old, and I'm 46.
SPEAKER_03: The truth is we've got parts of us that are seven, and they still think we are seven, because that's when they were hurt.
SPEAKER_03: They're looking out.
SPEAKER_03: There's no bad parts.
SPEAKER_03: The truth is, some of our parts that are trying to protect us bear some bitter fruit.
SPEAKER_03: I hope you track what I'm saying.
SPEAKER_03: I mean, Jesus is gonna go on to say, out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks.
SPEAKER_03: Now, my spiritual journey said, Oh, if you say anything wrong, it's because your heart's evil.
SPEAKER_03: But but I want to suggest to you what IFS says, out of the overflow of the parts, the mouth speaks.
SPEAKER_03: In fact, the biblical narrative is so clear about this that in the book of Genesis, only God can create.
SPEAKER_03: Humans can't create anything.
SPEAKER_03: It's like we can make molecules, but we can't create atoms.
SPEAKER_03: I don't know if this makes sense.
SPEAKER_03: We can manipulate what God has made, but we can't change the substance.
SPEAKER_03: That means when God created us in God's image and likeness and called us very good, we can pretend it's not true, but we can't uncreate it.
SPEAKER_03: So I want you to hear a different story than maybe you've heard in your own spiritual journey.
SPEAKER_03: The image and likeness of God in you is uncorruptible.
SPEAKER_03: Sometimes our parts conceal it because they don't trust it.
SPEAKER_03: So what does IFS say?
SPEAKER_03: IFS says to us that sometimes instead of speaking for a part of us, we speak from a part of us.
SPEAKER_03: In other words, sometimes instead of saying, you know, there's a part of me that's really afraid or discouraged, we'll just go into that part and say, you all better work harder.
SPEAKER_03: Because I'm working really hard.
SPEAKER_03: We speak from our parts instead of for them.
SPEAKER_03: And I want to suggest to you that while the parts aren't bad, once again, they're not recognizing that God has made us in God's image and likeness, and that hurt comes and it can be released and reconciled.
SPEAKER_03: So we could hear Paul saying, when you hate somebody else, be good to them.
SPEAKER_03: And you know what?
SPEAKER_03: That's probably good enough.
SPEAKER_03: If that's the only thing you get out of the lesson today, that's a good thing.
SPEAKER_03: If you really find yourself having a tough reaction to somebody, well, be nice anyway.
SPEAKER_03: But I actually think Paul might be talking about how we treat our own parts.
SPEAKER_03: See, there's a part of me that hates that I'm a perfectionist.
SPEAKER_03: That's called the critical part.
SPEAKER_03: Myself does not hate that I have a perfectionist part.
SPEAKER_03: Myself actually loves that and is curious about it.
SPEAKER_03: The part that hates it is the judge and the critic.
SPEAKER_03: And I often speak from the critical part instead of for it.
SPEAKER_03: I often speak from the judge instead of for it.
SPEAKER_03: Out of the overflow of the parts, the mouth speaks.
SPEAKER_03: I wonder if Paul isn't inviting us actually to be reconciled, not just with our neighbors, but with our parts.
SPEAKER_03: The parts in us that frankly can be self-sabotaging.
SPEAKER_03: You ever known somebody who was self-sabotaging?
SPEAKER_03: Sometimes we really see it clearly, but I'm gonna tell you, I've got a self-sabotaging part in me.
SPEAKER_03: Now it's really easy for me to talk about somebody other than me.
SPEAKER_03: Like I got a son who experienced a lot of trauma before he was two.
SPEAKER_03: And I would still tell you, and he'll tell you too.
SPEAKER_03: Sometimes when he gets affection and appreciation, it's so uncomfortable because he believes he deserves nothing.
SPEAKER_03: That if he gets that love, frankly, he'll try to blow it up because it hurts him.
SPEAKER_03: That's what trauma will do to you.
SPEAKER_03: PTSD war trauma will do that to you.
SPEAKER_03: Will say, I don't deserve to be loved or appreciated outside of a role.
SPEAKER_03: So I wonder if Paul and frankly Jesus aren't inviting us to be reconciled with our own heart.
SPEAKER_03: And like I said, if there's a part of you you're critical of, that isn't you.
SPEAKER_03: That part is your critic.
SPEAKER_03: Who God made is called.
SPEAKER_03: Who God made is curious, who God made is courageous.
SPEAKER_03: You are who God made.
SPEAKER_03: And your parts deserve the compassion that the image and likeness of God has put in you.
SPEAKER_03: See, there's a story out there that says compassion's like a muscle, and if you don't work to exercise it, you'll never have any.
SPEAKER_03: And it turns out I don't think that's true.
SPEAKER_03: I think because we're made in God's image and likeness, I think God has made us to be compassionate and calm and curious and creative and courageous.
SPEAKER_03: I just think our parts get in the way.
SPEAKER_03: Not because they're bad, but because all of those seas have been hurt before.
SPEAKER_03: And we're so afraid to face that pain that we'll do anything to get out of it.
SPEAKER_03: Now, I wish I could tell you five easy steps to reconciling your parts, but I can at least give you three.
SPEAKER_03: The first one is instead of saying, I'm lazy, I'm exhausted, I can't take the political climate anymore.
SPEAKER_03: To understand that that isn't you, that's a part of you.
SPEAKER_03: So it's a minor word practice that for me has made a difference.
SPEAKER_03: Boy, a part of me is resentful right now.
SPEAKER_03: A part of me is resentful because it reminds me I'm not, but a part of me is.
SPEAKER_03: In fact, there was a film that was released in Germany to that effect when I was living there, and people were like rioting over it because it's easier to believe in the devil than in somebody who's got parts that are good.
SPEAKER_03: Now, I don't know if he had any other good parts.
SPEAKER_03: I don't know that.
SPEAKER_03: But his secretary really liked him.
SPEAKER_03: So making room for that is the way I make room for the parts in me too, right?
SPEAKER_03: So that's another step is hey, I may feel like junk, but I'm not.
SPEAKER_03: I can't uncreate what God has created.
SPEAKER_03: I can't.
SPEAKER_03: So this is where I have to take it on faith sometimes because I can't see what God sees.
SPEAKER_03: So I just say, I don't see it, God, but I will choose to believe it.
SPEAKER_03: And maybe that's a step two.
SPEAKER_03: Step three is actually meeting that part.
SPEAKER_03: That part of you that drives you nuts.
SPEAKER_03: And when you go to meet it, you've got to say to the critical part, could you just step aside for a second so that I can actually meet this part of perfectionism?
SPEAKER_03: Like I've you can come back.
SPEAKER_03: I just I just need to meet them one-on-one.
SPEAKER_03: And ask them you've been working really hard.
SPEAKER_03: Could you tell me what you're trying to do for me?
SPEAKER_03: How old do you think I am?
SPEAKER_03: I don't mean it as an accusation.
SPEAKER_03: Accusations don't come from the self, they come from the critic.
SPEAKER_03: Like we've been here a long time, me and this part, but how old do you think I am?
SPEAKER_03: And then here's the really tough thing is to meet those parts of ourselves that the critic really doesn't like and to appreciate what they've been trying to do.
SPEAKER_03: Boy perfectionist Mike, you have been trying so hard to not disappoint somebody else.
SPEAKER_03: You've been trying so hard for decades to give yourself the right to take up space.
SPEAKER_03: Are you tired of that?
SPEAKER_03: I mean, ask it.
SPEAKER_03: Since our parts aren't bad, if we hate them, we've hurt ourselves.
SPEAKER_03: That's what I want you to hear.
SPEAKER_03: You might say, I actually tried to do this at Cantha Allen when I was the chaplain, and one of those people was like, Well, it sounds like you're trying to use the Bible to justify IFS instead of the other way around.
SPEAKER_03: I just want you to hear the IFS language is so helpful for me to interface with these scriptures in a non-binary way that's actually life-giving.
SPEAKER_03: The truth is, hating myself spiritually for 40 years has not produced any joy and made it's just made me more miserable.
SPEAKER_03: That perfectionist part wants to get nothing wrong in piety.
SPEAKER_03: And I mean, Jesus wasn't like that himself, so why do I need to be like that?
SPEAKER_03: That's not me being critical of the part.
SPEAKER_03: The part is just worked so hard and it's exhausted.
SPEAKER_03: I know what it's trying to do, so maybe I could ask it to do something different.
SPEAKER_03: Maybe I could ask it, friend, you're working so hard.
SPEAKER_03: What if, instead of always worrying about making mistakes, what if you could work just as hard to help me see myself like my friends do?
SPEAKER_03: Or what if you could work really hard to remind me of the good work that's happening in the community?
SPEAKER_03: Is that a job you'd be willing to try for both of our sakes?
SPEAKER_03: If this sounds nutty, maybe it is.
SPEAKER_03: I'm just gonna tell you, it's been exceptionally life-giving for me.
SPEAKER_03: And I think it's an approach to ourselves that the scriptures are actually inviting us into.
SPEAKER_03: You've heard the saying that hurt people, hurt people.
SPEAKER_03: And I want to suggest to you that reconciled people, reconciled people.
SPEAKER_03: I want to suggest to you that compassionate people offer compassion to people.
SPEAKER_03: And if we're not compassionate to our parts, how can we be compassionate to other people's parts?
SPEAKER_03: How do we do it with other people?
SPEAKER_03: We just remember that person who said that ugly thing, that wasn't them, that was a part of them.
SPEAKER_03: And then we can have compassion because I say crazy stuff all the time.
SPEAKER_03: If I can have compassion for my crazy, I sure can have compassion for yours.
SPEAKER_03: I hope that's what you're hearing me say.
SPEAKER_03: This is not so I can be nice.
SPEAKER_03: This is