Chopped Is in the Eye of the Beholder | Episode 1

An introductory episode that raises more questions than it answers. Zendaya's greatness, the nature of grief, and the ever-changing definition of "chopped" are all woven together in this baffling introduction to Forehead Corner. 

0:00 - 4:30 | Why Forehead Corner?
4:30 - 6:25 | Foundation
6:25 - 8:43 | Scandals
8:43 - 15:02 | Acting
15:02 - 17:19 | Email & Cameo
17:19 - 21:05 | Politics
21:05 - 22:56 | GLP-1 & College
22:56 - 24:54 | Amazon
24:54 - 39:00 | Euphoria
39:00 - 40:24 | Free sleep podcast
40:24 - 52:50 | more Euphoria, Grief & AA
52:50 - END | Outro

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This podcast is produced @sidesandsounds

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:07

Hey guys, welcome to episode one of the Forehead Corner Podcast. Um, I'm your host, Martha Kelly, and um this is a uh podcast that is sort of an extension of my TikTok, which I always start by saying welcome to Forehead Corner. And um the reason I call it Forehead Corner, I'll just get right into it, is because when you're making a TikTok video, you are staring at your own face while you're recording. And one day after doing it for a couple months, I noticed how big my forehead is. And so I just said welcome to forehead corner. And then for some reason, there's a percentage of people who like that, and so they um mention forehead corner, and now I say it all the time. Anyway, that's why it's called forehead corner. I also recently found out I have a long mid-face, which is a new I'm chronically online. This the mid-face chopped ratio is a new thing I just found out about. It's always fun to find out new ways that you might be chopped. So I don't know the exact measurements, but supposedly if you have a long mid-face, and I definitely do, that also um can equal you being chopped. And for me, it isn't a crisis. Um, I know if you're young and you're and you're dating, you're trying to date. The most important thing to trick someone into falling in love with you is your attractiveness. And you don't want to be chopped if you're trying to do that. I'm not dating anymore. Um, and I when I say anymore, I mean it's been years. And I'm 58, I'm never gonna have kids, I can't imagine any reason to get married at this age, and I've had not a great dating history. So, um, and I have friends and pets and other, and uh, I also I'm scrolling my phone according to my phone uh as it gives me a weekly report. It's like seven to eight hours a day. I don't have time for a relationship at that rate, but um, it's not that big of a deal to be chopped if you're not trying to date people. Um, and also chopped is in the eye of the beholder. So, and please don't flood my comments weighing in on whether or not you think I am chopped or I'm not chopped. That's none of my business. You're this is a free country, and I want you to celebrate your vision of who is or isn't chopped without involving me in it. I don't want to, I don't want to invade your privacy in that way, so please don't tell me. Um this podcast, this first episode is just uh like an introductory what it's gonna be about, what who I am. Um this is I will say I don't think this podcast is gonna be for everybody, and there is a chance it won't be for anybody, and if that's the case, I'll stop doing it. I'm gonna give it a little time. I beg you, please don't listen or watch if it enrages you. Um, I have hate listened to things and hate watched TV shows, and over time it is uh has a corrosive effect on my life. So I stopped doing it. So I'm begging you, if this isn't something that you're enjoying, just there is a there's a button either on your your podcast app or on your YouTube screen. There is a button that you can hit that'll say stop on it, and you just hit that button and scroll away or put your phone down, really do whatever you want, but um please don't don't consume this if it upsets you because I can't help with that. There's nothing I can do. If you if you hate it and you leave me a comment and say, can you do this differently or can you stop doing that? The answer is no. I can't, whatever the question is, the answer is no. So please, I'm I'm moving on from my um talking you out of listening part of this. You might be wondering, um, gosh, you have that beautiful sign behind you and a little um carefully curated set that you've made, and you're clearly using professional cameras and microphones. Why aren't you wearing foundation? Why why am I able to see all of the freckles and spots and redness and lines? Um, don't most people who work on camera wear foundation to make it look like they have great complexions? Yes. This is, I am not one of those people. Number one, it doesn't make me look better. When I am, and I hate to say this, I hate that this is true. This is the only thing I have in common with Donald Trump is that um foundation looks fucking awful on me. It makes me look orange-ish yellow, no matter what shade the foundation is. Um, and it doesn't, it it makes my the lines on my face more pronounced, and um it doesn't barely even covers the the complexion issues. And I the other reason I don't do it is because I don't want I wouldn't want to um disguise how I really look and then see people in person and have to see somebody see me in person, either uh someone I'm meeting who's seen this or someone I already know who hasn't seen me in a while, and see a look on their face where they see me and go, Oh, because I look so different, because I have shellacked my face with um with heavy makeup. I can't I don't want to do that. Um and I have a feeling no no one but me cares, and that's that's gonna be a theme for this podcast is me saying things no one but me cares to hear about. Um, although I will say, not on today's episode, but on a regular basis, I will be often covering scandals, current scandals, historical scandals, recent past. I love um things like Ray Gun, the Australian Olympic breakdancer, um, and Rachel Dolezal, who was, I think, president of the NAACP, and then it was discovered that she is a white lady, but she was pretending to be African American. Um, I love scandals involving terrible people in um high control religions. I love, I love taking shots at the patriarchy, and I love taking shots at white supremacy and white supremacists. Um, and this might sound to like it's contradicting what I just said, um, in terms of patriarchy and white supremacy. If you live on TikTok like I do, I love Taylor Swift. I gotta get that out there early because when she released her last album, there was a whole thing on TikTok of people saying she is supporting the patriarchy and she is um supporting white supremacy. And I don't believe that was is the case, and I wouldn't get into anyone's comments and argue with them if they feel that way. It's just not what I believe. But I do know that people have said that, and so I don't want someone to watch or listen to this podcast and then find out I love Taylor Swift and then be um and feel like they wasted potentially years of their lives just listening to this bullshit. Uh, don't listen. If if you if it bothers you that I love Taylor Swift, I'm not I'm not ever gonna come at you for that. But I will not, I will also not stop loving her. I love her music. Um, looking at, okay. Um, one thing people ask me pretty frequently on TikTok, either in a comment or in my DMs, is how I got into acting. And I will say, um, first of all, when people who are teenagers come into my DMs and ask me how I started acting because they want to be actors. If I could, I would give anything to just be able to help them get their dreams to come true. It it really breaks my heart that I have zero helpful advice because here's how I got into acting. A friend that I had known from doing stand-up comedy, he got a pilot on FX in 2014, and he wrote a part for me on that pilot. It was for a show that was called Baskets. That friend is Zach Galfinakis. We met in 1998 doing stand-up and became friends, and then in 2014, he got this pilot at FX and wrote a part for me, and the even the character was the character's name was also Martha, but it was Martha Brooks. There's four seasons of the show Baskets. Um, I personally love it, and um, anybody who wants to watch it, you can find it on Hulu. Um, but that's how I got into acting. I never would have gotten any acting jobs if I had to audition. Um, I think that I've never asked Zach or our showrunner John Chrysler, but I have a suspicion that during the pilot, which we shot over a week, that they thought there was a good chance that they were gonna have to fire me and recast the part because I told Zach I can't act. And he said, Well, just say the lines the way you would talk in real life. And I'm looking at a different camera now. Just prank just trying this out, this whole system. Um, he said, just say it how you would in real life. And I said, I don't even know if I can do that because I was afraid I would just panic and freeze and not be able to do it. Um, and so I the reason I think they thought they were gonna have to fire me is because the first day my dressing room was what's called a honey wagon, which is a porta potty um that just has a little extra room outside the stall with the toilet in it, with a sink and a little bench. And that's like where I would put my costume on. And then by the end of the week, I had an actual trailer, and I thought I might get fired on day one. Um, I remember driving onto the dirt parking lot where base camp was, where all the trailers were, and driving onto it and thinking I was shaking. I was so scared, and I was afraid I was just gonna be terrible and humiliated and make Zach look bad and he'd have to fire me, which I knew he'd feel bad about. But I just thought if he has to fire me, I know he'll be nice about it. I have to try this because it could really help my stand-up career. And then it ended up being really fun. Anyway, if you want to watch Baskets, it's on Hulu, and um I don't want to hear about it if you uh watch it and don't like it or don't want to watch it. I don't I don't want to hear about I don't want to know about it. It's none of my business, and I don't anyway. Um so then every other acting job I've gotten is because of baskets. Like um I did in the summer of 2016, I had a really tiny part in Spider-Man Homecoming, that's because of Baskets. I had a small part in the show American Gods, that was because of Baskets, and then a few other things, but then the biggest thing was marriage story, which I did audition for, but the casting director, Francine Mazler, loved Baskets. So she called me in, did the audition with me, um, with like a camera for Noah Bombach and coached me through that audition. And then I got, then I did two more callbacks, but it was I don't think they were calling back anyone else. I think she said, This is who I think you should cast, and let's go through the audition process. And then she totally coached me. I wouldn't have gotten it without Francine Mazler, and I really she's really great. Um, and then I so that's what how I got marriage story, which I loved working on. And then I believe from what I recall, Sam Levinson, who writes and directs and executive produces Euphoria, I believe he saw Marriage Story in 2019 and then cast me as Lori on Euphoria season two, and then we just um then in 2025 we shot season three and I came back as Lori. So that's my acting career. It's a luck, it's Zach Galfinakis. Without him, I wouldn't have any acting jobs, and then other people who cast me based on stuff they'd seen me in, and I'm really lucky. I wish I had helpful advice to give actors because um it is a really fun job. It's a union job, which I am a hundred percent pro-union. I think every kind of work should be unionized, everybody should make a great living. And when I say great living, I mean like where you're not worried about money all the time. If you work full-time, you shouldn't have to be like, how am I gonna pay my rent or my utilities or my groceries or my health care? That's a little of my politics. Um okay, so that's I think I covered um how I got into acting. I will say, and I'll say this again at the end of the episode, um, which might be sooner rather than later because I'm already tired of talking and I think it's been 10 minutes. Um I have an email for this podcast. If you have a question you want me to address on the podcast, just send it in an email and I'll I'll um address it. So the email is forehead cornerpod at gmail.com. Um, I do also sometimes get asked if I'm on cameo. I I am not on cameo. I tried it twice, absolutely hated it. It is simultaneously too much money and not enough money. It's too much money for me to to feel good about the quality of video that I make for people. I never the great thing about TikTok or making your own podcast is um you're no one has hired you to do that. And so if it's you do what you want to do, and if people like it, great, and if they don't, they could there's a whole world of other people they can watch and listen to instead. But with Cameo, people pay and have their hopes up about you making a video for their them or their friends or family that they're that's gonna make them happy, and then I feel a crushing pressure um and a preemptive sense of failure at not being able to make something that will that they will want. And I hate it. I hate charging people money for um if they're a fan of my work, I hate them paying me money to make a video that's just like, hey, happy birthday. Um okay, moving on. I'm realizing it would be nice if someone else was talking during this. It might be it might be a heavy load for everybody, for all of us, if it's just me talking for 45 minutes. Um what are the other topics? Um oh more about my politics so that people don't get mad later. I am uh very progressive, I vote for progressive Democrats. I vote for whoever the Democrat is in general elections, um, especially in the past 10 years when it's often been uh the Democrat versus MAGA people. Um if I were in charge of everything, nobody would live outside, regardless of whether they wanted to um be sober or not, uh, whether or not they worked. The the in my opinion, the percentage of humans that would choose to be higher drunk all the time and not work and live someplace kind of not amazing, but indoors, and just that would be their life, there's a very small percentage of people who would do that. And it's and we would this isn't why I want to give people housing, no matter who they are, what they are doing. But it is cheaper to provide housing for people for free than it is to imprison people for committing crimes and they're criminalizing homelessness. So and I don't care what kind of person you are or what you are or are not willing to do on your own behalf. I don't think anyone should live outside. And I would, if it were up to me, nobody would. Nobody would go hungry. I would love for my my tax dollars to go towards making sure everybody lives indoors, making sure nobody's going hungry, making sure that good education, public education is high quality, regardless of whether you live in a rich area or a poor area, that higher education would be affordable. I would wipe out medical debt and student loan debt. I would make universal health care with my with tax money. Um there's a lot of other things that I'm not thinking of off right now. But the the great thing, if this has annoyed you hearing about my politics, the great news is I'm not in charge. If you're saying to yourself, those all sound idealistic, and you're not saying how it would work, and you don't know how any of anything works, good news, I'll never be in charge. And highly, highly recommend you get your political news and information from people who are smarter than me and more articulate and more educated and informed. I was an English major in college, and I still need, I think, eight units, which is two classes, to get a bachelor's degree in English. I chose English as my major because it was the major that required the fewest amounts of credits of uh yeah, credits to graduate. So like back then it was like eight, I don't know, it was a hundred, I think I think it would maybe it was around eighty something units to for four undergrad lower division. I don't know what I'm I don't I uh to be honest, um I can't okay, a couple things. Let's this is gonna happen a lot on this podcast, and it happens all the time on my TikTok. I'm gonna either forget what I'm talking about in the middle of it or um just go off on a tangent. I'm on a GLP one. Um, I'm two days out from the shot day, and I'm a little spacey. Number two, I haven't eaten lunch yet because this dose level, which I'm gonna go back down on, back down to a lower dose, it makes me nauseous. So I haven't eaten. So I'm low blood sugar, spaced out, more tired than usual. Ideal circumstances for recording episode one of a new podcast. Couldn't couldn't ask for more. Um, here's how college works if you're if you're not in it yet. Every cut type of major has a this is how many units you need to graduate, like a hundred or with English it was like 85, something ridiculous, where it's like, and then you'll need lower division, which just means general education. Like even English majors, you still have to take one math class, one science class, and then entry level, introductory level college English. And then so that's I picked English because it had the fewest requirements. Still didn't, still didn't graduate. Um wait, let me um you don't have to cut this out, but Jason, were you looking over because no? Oh sorry, I got lights just thinking about things. Okay, and you don't have to cut this out. I don't really want to um pretend that I'm in the room alone anyway. Thank you. For people wondering, I got this sign um custom made on from a vendor, an Etsy vendor who was selling on Amazon. Do I do I know that Amazon's evil? And is it embarrassing to admit that I buy things on Amazon after giving my big political speech? Yes. Um I will I also tell you that the jobs I've had for Amazon Prime acting jobs have paid wildly well compared to other acting jobs that I've had. I mean, Euphoria paid great, and um, and then I also in 2025 did a few episodes of the show Fallout. Euphoria's HBO. Fallout is on Amazon Prime, they paid fantastic, and I did a movie for Amazon Prime in 2022 called Sitting in Bars with Cake, and they paid me more than I've had made on anything. So I have mixed feelings about Amazon because yeah, I think it's I don't believe we should have billionaires. I don't think Jeff Bezos is great for the planet or the country. Um, but I love this sign, and I'm grateful that they paid so well. And not only did they pay well, the executives or producers I met from Amazon on sitting in bars with cake and fallout, lovely, treated me so great. Does that justify um anything? No, I mean that's highly selfish anyway. Let's move on. We don't why why dwell on something that makes me look bad? Um okay, um, I'm gonna talk about euphoria for a little bit because that is the largest portion of my TikTok audience is there because of euphoria. And so if anybody comes to my podcast from TikTok, many of them are gonna be interested in euphoria. So I'm just gonna talk a little about that. I guess maybe I'll just break up my voice for just one second with this air horn. I feel like that provides that provided a nice now. We're going into a new topic. Um Euphoria season two, which um we shot in 2021. Um Sam Levinson was wonderful to me. Zendaya was wonderful, the crew was great. Um I was very unhappy working on season two. I was I had shit going on. My dad was dying. My antidepressant had stopped working, and I didn't understand that's what was happening. I thought I was still dealing with grief from my mom having passed uh a few years before that, and other uh other things. But so antidepressant wasn't working anymore. Um, my dad was dying. I was um super insecure about my acting. I'm a fan of euphoria, and all of the actors on that show are really gifted and like really able to make you feel like they're a real person that you're watching and that you get attached to. I think that's why their fans are so intensely attached to that show, is because of the the writing and the acting and the directing. But like it's just a gifted mix of all three. And then me. I'm a comedian and character actor. This is the first dramatic thing I had done. Um, many people would be happy if it's the last dramatic thing I do. Um, but season two, I was convinced the whole time that I was doing a bad job and that they were either gonna completely cut me out or I was gonna ruin their show. I was convinced everybody was mad at me, even though everyone was really nice. I just felt horribly insecure about my the job I was doing. And season two, my character Lori is being so creepy, and we shot all the scenes in her in the in a on a set that was supposed to be her house, and it's like a really dark set, um, really heavy, bad vibes with all of the things that she's doing and the way that she talks to Rue, the things that are implied by her that she will do to Rue, just so much creepy, heavy bummer stuff. All of that mixed together. I just um I didn't enjoy the experience of making it until I think the very end. And then um again, everyone was really nice to me. Um, but at the very end, it was a little bit when the scene where Rue comes to Lori's house and she's in withdrawals, and Lori's telling her, like, well, you owe me money, but I'm not mad, I never get mad, you know, that that scene, um, it was fun because we did like kind of cut down and rearrange some of the dialogue and to make it a little try and make it less of me talking. And and at this point, some people are saying, isn't that a sign in terms of the relief that you felt and the fun that you and Sam and Zendaya had the day that you cut your dialogue way down? Couldn't that be a sign that maybe you don't need to talk for an hour straight? And it could be, and we will I know we're gonna find out, guys. Don't worry. We are gonna find out. Um, and then my last day of shooting, so my dad died, and then I had one more scene to shoot, which is the scene where Lori injects Rue with morphine while she's in the bathtub. My dad died. They needed to shoot that a week later, and um, they were so they reached out to me about my dad passing away. They paid me more for that half day of work, my when we shot that last scene. They paid me more for that half day um than I had been getting paid. So they really, and they were so lovely. They they bent over backwards to try and um be kind and caring about me coming into work right after my dad died. And then when I finished, everyone's like uh we they wrapped me and I I left and um came out of the soundstage. Sam and the crew and Zendaya were like right across this little walkway outside another soundstage, and I came out of the door, and then Zenday, I heard Zendaya go, Martha, wait, and she ran over and thanked me for working on the show and said really nice things. And I just am saying that because um it meant so much to me, and not everybody does that. There there are so many really successful actors who are very lovely, but some people um don't even think about what it would mean to a um character actor who's just has a small part if the lead of the show came over and said thanks for working with me and and said complimentary things that meant so much to me, and it also just really impressed me. Um, because the truth is, if I'm just being honest, it wasn't that great to work with me. It wasn't bad to work with me. I'm nice to people, I'm easy to work with. Um, but it's not I'm no um Meryl Streep or Robert De Niro. And so it just is very sweet that I just am so impressed with Zenday. I can't say enough about her because that's one that's just the personal selfish thing that made me feel good. But um another thing that happened on Euphoria that season is we had this one shot. There were like, I think like nine people in it. The camera was on a on a track, which is like a little, it looks like a little mini railroad track, and they have the camera on mounted on this thing that has wheels. The camera guy is sitting on that mounted thing, and then someone behind him is pushing him down the track when they're when they shoot the shot. And the camera was in the back of the hallway, and it was like this it was one continuous shot on this track, and it was like someone comes out of one room into the camera's view and crosses out a view, then someone else comes from the other way, and that someone was me crossing over into a closet and then coming back out and crossing back over as the camera's approaching the whole time. Then they come out into the kitchen and then a bunch of people come out into frame, and so everybody had to time their part exactly precisely. We had to do it a million times because they don't really know the timing until they start shooting. They don't know what they have to tweak. I'm not exaggerating, I think we shot it like 30 times. When we got finally got the shot, it was a wrap for almost everybody. The day was done. Everybody clapped. It's so fun to do a hard shot with a bunch of people and then get it. Everyone's working together and it is really fun. But anyway, everyone's really happy when they got it. Everyone's going home except Zendaya. And she, you would never have known that she had been working all day, and it's the evening now, and we just did this one hard shot that took 30 takes to get it. Everyone else gets to go home, and then it's like, okay, now Zendaya, we're gonna go over to this other sound stage and do that other scene. She's like, Yeah, okay, and they go, and I was like, I never have had that kind of work ethic. I never worked that hard when I was her age or any age. I hated when I had a job, like a uh waitressing job where the shifts were like five hours. I hated that I had to do side work at the end of it, which was like put a bunch of napkins in a drawer. No, I'm done. I don't want to do anything else. My I worked, by the way, terrible at waiting table waiting on tables, terrible, couldn't very shy and self-conscious. If people weren't friendly to me, I took it really personally. Can you imagine a more uncomfortable restaurant experience than a weight person who um is insecure, can't remember what you ordered, um, easily flustered, often sweating, uh, sometimes also coughing, and um, and then also takes it personal, wants you to like them and takes it personally if you don't. It a dream come true for many people. Anyway, that's how I did jobs. And um, and then Zende is just like tirelessly. I'm just saying all this because I I want because I'm a huge fan of hers, and I was before I worked with her, and I am after working with her. There are some people who are born really gifted, and she's one of those people. She was born beautiful, she was born really talented, she has a great singing voice, is great at dancing and acting. Like those are all gifts that she was born with, but she works really, really hard and deserves all the success that she has. Okay, that's the end of my um Zendaya fan club for now. I will probably come back to it. Okay, season two, hard for me for all the reasons I said. Not hard like a real job, though, just to be clear. Not like working in an office or waiting tables or delivering pizza or walking dogs. I've done all those things just hard in mentally, because I felt like I wasn't doing a good job. Then um only did had two acting jobs in 2022, and then almost nothing in 2023 and 2024. So when I found out at the in, I think in December of 2024 that Euphoria was gonna shoot in 2025, season three, and have me back on as Lori, I was thrilled. And then because of Fallout, they were overlapping um in their shooting schedules. Sam Levinson said, I just am gonna make Martha a series regular on Euphoria so that we have first position um in in scheduling. And that changed my life. And he did not need to do that. And in fact, Euphoria could have easily said, you either, you know, do Lori and we're the priority, and you work on this show, or you do Fallout, but you can't do both. They could have easily said that. Um, and instead, they just made me a series regular, which changed my life. Um, my belief going into it was because of season two, this is gonna be really um mentally difficult, emotionally difficult. It's gonna be heavy, might be depressing, um, but I'm thrilled to get to do it, and it'll be worth the depression if that happens. And instead, it was like one of the most fun times I've ever had. And I was really sad when it ended. It was so fun, it was really different vibe because Lori's more of a nincom poop in season three. Um please know that she's still a monster, she's still a sociopath and a person who, you know, she is forcing Rue to be a drug mule, and she's a terrible person, a human trafficker who hurts kids. Worst kind of person. But the scenes we shot with Lori, she wasn't doing the creepy, depressing stuff she was doing in season two. She was just saying doing buff, she was kind of a buffoon. Um maybe on a um Patreon episode, I'll go into it more if people are interested in that, but also people might not be interested. I forgot to say, and I should have said this earlier, um, I would love it, or I wouldn't be offended if some people listen to this podcast as a way to try and fall asleep at night. There are there's a whole genre of sleep podcasts, and I would be perfectly happy if uh you listen to this as a sleep podcast because I do have a monotone voice and I try to modulate it, but it's really hard because it's an unconscious thing. And again, this is free. I will be making um Patreon episodes, and there'll be one level of Patreon member, which will be five dollars. Um no one's under any obligation to join my Patreon. I will not be promoting it, I'll just be mentioning that it exists. Um, but so this is free. So if fall asleep to it, hit the stop button and go on with your life and tell people I I saw something I never want to see again, or I heard something I don't ever want to encounter again in my life. Um, but don't come crying to me about it because this is you're not spending a dime on this. Um anyway, season three super fun. I loved everybody I worked with. I did not go to the rap party. Um it was the day before the anniversary of my dad's passing, and um, and I could I just couldn't. I don't I don't like parties to begin with. I don't drink. Um, I used to, and um a hundred percent support people who uh want to drink if that's what you want to do. No, no judgment. Uh even if you drink alcoholically, if you are, if it makes you happy, godspeed. Um I only quit because it had stopped making me happy, but um yeah, parties are hard if you don't drink, and also um showbiz parties are hard because I I always end up feeling like I'm not dressed stylishly enough or I don't look right or I don't I'm not cool enough to be there, even if I'm invited. And then um rap parties, because there are open bars at rap parties for shows and movies, people go balls to the wall with drinking, and I'm I fully support it. I love to this day, I fondly remember the places I went that had free drinks and the people who bought me drinks at places where it costs money. I love free alcohol, and no one enjoys free alcohol more than people with drinking problems, and we deserve a break from how much we're spending on alcohol from time to time. So I fully support people getting absolutely smashed at rap parties, but I don't want to be around for it. Um, because it's also there's always really loud music blasting. So it's the conversations are people scream you have to put your face up to someone's ear and scream into it. How are you doing? Um, it's but I've been and I would have gone to that one. I would not have enjoyed it. I would have enjoyed seeing the people I love. I was sad to say goodbye to them when we stopped working together, but I wouldn't have enjoyed the party, but I would have gone uh if not for the um here's the thing about grief, and what a fun topic to get into. Um it doesn't go away, it doesn't ever end. You grow around it like I've only ever heard of these. I've never been to one, like a restaurant or a house where they built it around some giant, very old tree, and it's like a cool part of the architecture. That's my experience with grief with my mom and my dad, where um and a gurgle just came out of my throat. I don't want us to edit that out. I just want to say let's all live in the real world where sometimes uh we open our mouth to talk and a gurgle comes out. That happened to me one time on a camping trip in college with classmates, not friends. And um, it was mortifying, and maybe I'll talk more about it later. Anyway, right now it's not mortifying, it's simply let's all free to be you and me. Okay, let me speed through this grief thing. Part I'm mainly I want to say this for the benefit of people who are experiencing it. Your life, you get back to living initially, especially with parents, especially if you got along with them. It turns your world upside down when you lose them. It's the natural course of events that our parents die before we do, but it doesn't feel natural when it happens to be in a world without your parent that you've known from the time you were born. And especially your mother, who you have been, she's been a part of your life since you were a tiny clump of cells dividing. Um, and she was she was your whole life for the first nine-ish months of you becoming a human being. Her body was your entire world. It doesn't feel normal or natural, and um, but so that part does change and get better, but the part of missing them never gets better. And if anyone tries to sell you on the idea of how to get over grief or wrap it up, um I want to say run for the hills, but I also feel like if it does help you, great. But don't give anybody money who says that because like you check the book out from a library if you really want to see if it'll help you. Don't don't buy there's anyway, I could I wanted to go on a rant about it, but but you be you're able to live with it. Anyway, the brat party. So my dad died two weeks before Thanksgiving in 2021. My mom died um six days before Christmas in 2016, so five years apart, both around the holidays. Holidays are tough for a lot of people, regardless. Um statistically, crimes go up during the holidays when when it's which is weird because it's supposed to be a time in our capitalist society, it's supposed it's marketed as this is a time for family to get together with family. And people do. Um, but they but crime also goes up because people are getting together with family. And if you could arrest people for hurting each other's feelings, those crime statistics would go up exponentially more. It is a fraught time of year, and then because of my the anniversary of my parents and the the grief around the anniversaries of someone dying, a lot of times the grief just can come back like it's new again for short periods of time. So that's why I didn't go to the rap party. And if I'm being honest, I also didn't have anything good to wear. I bought two dresses from Nordstrom online, or it was at Bloomingdale's. They looked ridiculous. Um it's hard to find flattering clothes when you're short and when you have hips. Um, which is a side note, I've been on a GLP one for a while, was hoping to get alarmingly skinny. That has not happened. I do not condone or make light of eating disorders. Um anorexia is horribly sad. I I I mean, I don't know. I don't want to edit this out, but I am realizing I'm talking about a bunch of bummer stuff in episode one of a podcast. Fast forward if you can, or turn off your car or your go turn the TV on. Um my cousin passed away of anorexia, and uh it looked like I was about to start laughing right before I said that, and I wasn't it wasn't about anorexia, it was realizing I almost forgot what I was gonna say. Anorexia is uh heartbreaking. I'm not making light of it, but in this culture and in my own family growing up, it is the holy grail for a lot of women, me included, the idea of being so thin that people are like, Are you okay? Are you eating enough? And not medically dangerously thin, but wow, you really lost a lot of weight. That did happen to me once when I was in a food cult. I'll talk about it on a Patreon. I will tell you, and I'm this probably gonna people, some people are gonna turn on me. I love shit talking 12-step programs. I was in AA for 20 years. I still deeply love many of the people from the group I was in. I still I was also in Overreaters Anonymous and Al Anon. I still very, very much love many of the people I know who are in those programs. I'm not anymore. And to be honest, uh, that's part of why my life has never been better. The the freedom I feel and the joy of not being in 12-step programs. I can't, I can't say it enough, but and I forgot why I even brought it up. Um, anyway, oh, clothes and show business, rap parties, press, premieres. It's hard to find clothes that fit when you're short and your hips are a little bit wider than your shoulders. And I started taking a GLP one hoping I could get back down to the shape that I was when I was in a starvation food cult. They didn't call it that, um, but it certainly was. You tell me, if you ate one more green bean than the four ounces you had weighed on a food scale, if you ate those four ounces, no one was weighing four ounces, one cup, you measure one cup of green beans, and you're still hungry and you say, I'm gonna eat one more green bean. Is it crazy then to consider yourself as having broken your food sobriety and having to start over and go to meetings and confess it, confess it to your sponsor? Is that crazy? If so, congratulations, you are in a food cult because that's what it was like. I'm not exaggerating. Um, and side note, I never was hungry for any additional green beans. I don't like vegetables. And that's a problem, especially when you're taking a GLP1, you're supposed to be having lots of protein and lots of fiber, and also lots of water and strength training. I've got the water down. The other three have been touch and go. Anyway, um yeah, the dresses I got for the euphoria rap party looked ridiculous. I looked like they looked like they look it made me look like a gigantic version of a poorly made doll. Like if someone you know how dolls like especially the kind of dolls that are like not baby dolls, but little girl dolls where they have like they're kind of more stout than Barbie. And if they have dresses, the shape is sort of like this, even though it's a little girl, the dress will still go, you know what I just google it. But um, that's what I looked like in those in those Bloomingdale's dresses. So it's a good thing that I was too depressed to go to the party. I did hear it was a lot of fun. Um the people I love very people I love very much were there, and I'm glad they had a good time. Um what else? We're at 45 or 50 minutes, I think. 53 Oh my gosh, what a wonderful sorry. Excuse me. Uh 54 minutes. Don't then I'm gonna wrap it up. Don't please don't edit out the coughing. Unless I say something that I then go, wait, I shouldn't have said that. We don't have to edit anything out. Okay. I think that's all for episode one. I can't I'm not gonna say I think it was a great, I'm not gonna say I'm excited about how I did for episode one. I'm gonna say I'm excited that it's done. And I will say for Patreon episodes, it'll be some of us just gonna be gossip and shit talk um about my own life or about drama online. There's always drama online. I personally was got ran off of threads, uh, deleted my threads up from online drama recently. That'll be Patreon. The main episode will be like this week I'm gonna talk about like Ray Gun, the Australian breakdancer. One of my favorite it this is my only thing, and I'll be an other notable people who've fucked up publicly. The only thing is I don't wish anybody harm. I don't want to um hurt anybody. I just love reliving scandals. And so I would ask that if you do listen to this podcast and I'm covering a well-known public figure scandal, that you don't do anything to hurt their feelings unless they are someone like Donald Trump or Greg Bovino or um oh Steven Miller. If you ever get a chance to hurt those guys' feelings by just telling them to their face that they're bad people, Godspeed. But um, if it's like Ray Gun, don't hurt her feelings. Um okay, I guess that's it. So um again, the um thank you for joining me for episode one of Forehead Corner Podcast, the Forehead Corner Podcast. Um the email if you want to ask me to talk about things is uh foreheadcornerpod at gmail.com. And I guess I do support free speech. So if you do want to use that email to ask me to stop doing the podcast, I support your right to do that. I just would ask that you not don't, no death threats, would appreciate that. And I'll just put it out there, I have a very large dog who has very, very great teeth and a strong bite. I myself not opposed to biting people in self-defense. So no death threats and no personal attacks. But if you just say, Martha, as a personal, and another gurgle just came out, as a personal favor, could you please stop doing your podcast? I'll take it into consideration. Um, in the meantime, I can't think of any way to end this, and maybe at some point I will, but um that's all from Forehead Corner. Thank you for joining me.