We're So Back

Leah is officially back on her BS.  Catch up with the Hodder gang for chaotic girl talk, unfiltered stories, questionable decisions, and the kind of conversations that should probably stay in the group chat.

Transcript

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Hello, hello. Welcome back to the Hotter Than You podcast. I'm your host, Leah Hotter. Hence the name Hotter Than You. I hope you don't take offense to that. It's just a good ass name. I mean, let's be real. Will I really be getting married and changing my last name? No. So welcome the fuck back. If you're new here, hello. If you're an existing listener, hi. Lord have mercy. Do we have some things to catch up on? So, dude, there's like a gnat down here. Like, actually, really? Okay, I don't like that. Go away. Um, how are we? How the fuck are we? I'm so excited to be back. I, guys, a lot's happened since we last talked. And honestly, I just want to catch you up. Do a little bit of a get to know me and just like the vibes on the podcast with this new like era. Because we've already done this once before, and I'm ready to dive back in and just have more fun in a more grounded, stable way. So thank you for listening. How the fuck are we today? I'm having a great day. Okay. I'm having a great day. I started my day off with a two-hour massage, okay? And I've been working with this guy, downtown St. Joe, and Lord have mercy. He has really changed my life for the better. We have we have shed some layers, okay? We've shed some layers of trauma, emotions, just some deep shit, ancestral shit. All right. When your body is holding on to things that's no longer like serving you and you're carrying that with you, it can make you feel some type of way. Okay. It can make your life feel really heavy, anxious, depressed, unclear of like your life path. And working with him has really like changed my damn life. Okay. That's why we're back here because this podcast has been in my head now for years. Okay. And when I started this, what, a year ago, I was coming. The energy I was bringing to it was anxious, anxious, impulsive energy. And just like, I gotta do this. I gotta like, I gotta do this podcast. Like I've been I've been talking about it. I just need to do it. And it felt very like forced, okay? So now compared to them, I feel a lot more grounded. I just want to come here and like have fun. That's what we need more in this world, okay? We just need some fun, we need some good vibes. Let's talk, let's chat, let's just like boogie a little bit. Let's boogie. All right, so this episode, I just kind of want to kind of like bridge the gap from when we last talked, how we got here. Okay, what's been new with me? What is my life like? I mean, I know you guys don't care about my work life. I know you guys want to hear about my sex life that doesn't exist. Um, but let's get into it. So my last episode, I don't even know if it's still out. I don't know if I even still have rights to my old episodes. I don't know what the fuck's going on. All right. My last episode that I posted was called Hello49085. So that was me announcing that I was moving from Portage, which is where I lived the last eight years, moving to St. Joe. So I moved here about seven, eight months ago in November. And let me tell you, you guys, let me tell you, moving here was the best choice I've could have ever made in my entire fucking life. Okay, how I knew it was time to make the move was living up in Portage. I woke up every single day sad, depressed, and anxious, and I just felt like very stuck. Okay, so when you're feeling that way in your life, it usually means that something needs to change. Okay. Yes, people do have these, you know, anxiety and depression with the root of it most of the time is something in your life needs to change. Either your career, your relationship, your home, your a lot of things. Okay, it can be anything in your life. Um, for me, it started with my relationship. Okay, I had to make a change in that, and then I I was still having these feelings deeply, and something was telling me like you need to make a big change, like it cannot be like a routine change, it can't be like a job change, like, bitch, you need to get up and move. That was what my intuition was telling me. If you really feel these feelings and you kind of like dive deeper within yourself, your body knows what you need, even if you don't want to be honest with yourself, which is a lot of us, we're lying to ourselves about like what we need to do because it's gonna take a lot of effort, it's gonna require a lot of like feelings that might be sad. Um, you're gonna have to mourn a lot, especially if you're letting go of a relationship, a house, a town, um a career. Like that, those are big life changes, and it takes a lot of energy to like make that first move. But once you do it, I'm telling you right now, it is so fucking worth it. Okay, and it takes time too. You're not gonna make the change and say, hmm, wow, I feel a lot better now. Like, I'm ready to, I'm I'm I'm I'm cured. No, mine took about a year, okay, from moving. Well, I haven't moved a year, you dumbass. Like seven or eight months. Um, and like I'm I'm finally coming out of this, like, this veil that was over me of like, wow, like that was really the right move, bitch. Like, it takes time for your body to like catch up to it because your body and mind are like separate, okay? And it takes time for them to like meet each other again and to like trust each other. So, anyways, me moving was the best choice I could have ever made for my mental health, my physical health, my financial health, my spiritual health, my sexual health, all of the things. Okay. So we're here now, and the last time we talked as well, I was telling you guys about the guy I was hooking up with in Portage, which was really toxic. And that was like the last year of my life living in Portage was sleeping with this man, and it was like consuming me. So leaving that was just like a bonus, it was such a bonus to like let go of that because god damn, it was toxic. Okay, first of all, he was fat as fuck. Like, like you guys know that his nickname was fatty, and I need to get that earthquake out of my life, like toxic, manipulative, avoidant, evil, and goodbye. Like, goodbye. Hang on, I need some water. It's gonna take me some time to get back into like the flow of this because uh I haven't sat down and talked to you guys in a minute. Hang on. What am I drinking here? This is sparkling water. Not the Trader Joe's kind, but it'll do. So moving here, let me tell you guys, just like catch you up a little bit on like my sex life, even though it doesn't exist, because that's what's interesting. Okay, do you guys really want to know about my job? No. Okay. What else are we gonna catch up on? Right? All right. So I moved here, and it was like the first weekend that I moved into this house. My mom took my kids, and I went out, and I saw this guy that I believe we've hooked up in the past, and I knew that we were neighbors. I knew because I knew where he lived from like high school, and I knew that I lived literally like one block away from him, like it's dangerously close, and we were kind of like vibing, and I brought him home with me. Okay, so what I found out from that night was that we have like great sexual chemistry, and throughout the last you know, few months of sleeping with him, I was like, wow, I feel really safe with this person, and yes, we have great sexual chemistry. So that went on for about four or five months, and we had a great time, however, I kind of felt it like turning into something else. Like I kind of felt like this could like be maybe a relationship, and maybe he felt like that too. And I did not want to go there, okay. I did not want to move into this town of St. Joe. First of all, this town of St. Joe, you guys are freaks. Okay, you guys are little freaks. The drama, the swinging, the tea. Y'all are little freaks, and I'm the first one to say I'm here for it, okay? I don't want to really be involved in it, but I'm here for it. When I go out to the bar, I like to kind of dilly-dally around and kind of like people watch and to kind of get into like the tea of the town, and then I like to go home and not talk about it until the next time I'm out, okay? When I'm out, I'm on the prowl. I'm like, it's like another personality of mine. I want to socialize, I want to make out, and I want to know what the fuck's going on around here, okay? Because it's fun. Why wouldn't I like dive into this little town and like figure out what's going on? Okay. Anyways. So yeah, I think what why I moved here and immediately experienced that relationship was because I needed to learn, okay? I needed to learn what it felt like to feel like sexually safe with somebody. And I haven't felt that in a long time because I was experiencing that toxic fat fuck, okay, from my portage relationship. So the universe wanted to say, Leah, this is what it feels like to actually feel safe and to experience a healthy sex relationship. And I'm glad I got to experience that. I really did. And you know what? I might hit him up tonight and say, Do you want to come over and have sex? Because I can do that, because I'm a single woman and I can do whatever I want. The vibes of summer 2026. Okay, here are the vibes. The vibes are I want to have fun, I want to experience, and I want to feel. Okay. If it doesn't align with those three things, I don't want it. Okay. I've hooked up with three men since I've moved here, okay? My neighbor. Number two, I felt like was really good for me as well. We met at the bar and like the night just like flowed really well, and it led to us having sex. But like I had so much fun with it. Like it felt right, it felt aligned. It wasn't coming from a place of like numbing, which is what I was doing with fat fuck. I at night would like get I'd feel like really alone and sad, and like I needed to numb. So I would text his fat ass, and I would say, let's have sex. And that's not the vibes of the summer, okay? It's not fucking, all right? It's feeling fun and just like the like the safety aspect of of all of those things too. Because you can do those things and it not be bad. I always labeled it as like, oh my god, I had sex last night. I'm bad. I'm a whore. No, you're not. You had fun and you like lived and you felt. Okay. I don't want to just fuck. All right. I want to like I want to do it again, number two. Like, can we do it again? Because I actually had a great time and I like to do it sober. Like, I love having sex sober, actually more than I like having sex drunk. Because I'm so in tune with my body now and my like sexual feelings that I feel like we like have a good emotional sexual connection, and it that's hard to come by. And I feel that mostly through like making out and like touch, not even through sex, okay. And I've hooked up with guys, and I'm like, no, like, do not touch me ever again. But like number two was so fun, like I want to do it again, and I haven't heard from him, so I don't know what the fuck like he's on, but damn, I wanted to do it again, and like no string is attached. I my vibe of of the summer is I need to be single. I don't want to be necessarily uh I'm not hoeing around, but I want to feel have fun and feel safe and experience. I'm I just got out of a five-year relationship. Let me spread my wings and fly. Okay, let me have fun, let me live a little bit. I can be two things at once. I can still be a responsible mother and have some freaky time. Okay, I can. And that doesn't make me it doesn't have to be labeled as anything, okay? Obviously, these five, ten things come first, and then there's that little splash of let mommy be a freak, okay? Let mommy dive into her sexual desires this summer, all right? Anyways, so yes, I had sex with three guys since I moved here. TMI, bitch. Damn. You're really gonna come on this podcast and say, here's who I've had sex with. Really? Yeah, yeah, really. Ah, number two is fun, you guys. Like, I really felt like our energies like danced. Okay. I'm so in my body right now. I'm good. Like, I know. I just know what I have. Okay. I want to find a guy, maybe two, that just like is down for that energy this summer and wants to like go have sex on the beach, make out in the rain. Why not? Like, are you guys that like emotionally unavailable where that's just like crazy? No, I don't want to date you. No, I don't want to have a child with you. I want to feel with you. I want to feel you. I want to like look each other in the eyes and like, is that weird? Why is that weird these days? It's not, it's not, okay. Okay. Oh my god. Okay, so number three. Let me tell you about number three. Number three was fun. It was actually last weekend, but I was like too drunk, and I felt like it like took the fun out of it because I was like, again, I wasn't in my body. It was more just like fucking. And that is not the vibe of the summer. It doesn't align with what I'm telling you what's going on. Okay, it didn't align. So do I feel great about it? Uh it's whatever, but like next time I want to do it sober. Okay, I think he has the meets the criteria of what I'm looking for, but like, can we redo it sober? Because I'm trying to like slow down a little bit and actually like feel. Okay, I'm trying to touch. Okay, I'm trying to like grab you by the neck. Oh my god, this is getting freaky. I'm trying to like grind, okay. I'm trying to spit in your little mouth. Oh my god, help me. This is not where this was supposed to go. Okay, I'm thinking freaky thoughts. Okay. Do you see where I'm going with this though? Do you see what this is? Can we like? I think all of us need a little bit more of that. All right. Let's like get out of our zombie energy. Oh, let's do this. Uh, let's like, let's be a little bit more present. Let's like be a little bit more in our bodies. Let's go do something silly, goofy, and fun. Let's like, let's make life fun again. Please. Like, let's go have sex on the beach in the rain and have no feelings about it. Just like, let's do it. Please can we like bring that shit back again? Let's bring back like the 50s vibes where it was like people are just running around and like everything's so serious now. Everything's so labeled. And oh, I'm in a relationship. Bitch, please. Are you even happy in your relationship? Like, can we everything's labeled, everything's lame, everything's boring. And I just want to bring back fun. And like, feel like it doesn't. Okay, I need to stop. Let me take another drink. I'm going on a rampage. I'm going on a rampage. Alright, so let's do a little bit about me. So, yeah, you guys get the vibes of the summer. Fun. I want to still be responsible. I've been working out like every day. My body is tea. My ass is fat right now. Okay. My ass is fat, my waist is skinny. Okay. And that goes to healing, listening to my body, doing what my body needs, coming out of survival mode, actually getting into a healthy routine that feels good for me. And working out with like a good group of girls, finding that like finding that energy and like having fun with it. Guys, ass fat, vibes right. I want to make out. I making out is such an art to me. Like, if you're good at making out, I will absolutely fall in love with you. I'm sorry. Like, I will. If you are good at making out, I will legit fall in love with you and I will keep calling you. I will. I'm sorry. Like, that's just like I'm being authentic. I'm being authentic about it. I don't want to do something and be like, like, it's not the vibe anymore to like text them. Like, no, if I want to like see you again, I'm gonna call you or I'm gonna text you. Like, why not? I'm so sick of the games as well. Okay, what was I just talking about? Literally, I'm actually going on a fucking rampage right now. And whatever. So, oh yeah, working out, working out. Like, it's all about balance. It's all about balance, finding the balance with yourself. And like, if you really tap into your body, like I said, and you listen to it, it will tell you what you need to do. The change takes time. You know, the the rebuilding of trust with yourself takes time. And sometimes you have to just do what's best for you, even if it hurts other people. Like, what am I even saying? I'm just like speaking. All right. A little bit about me. Let's talk about me for like five minutes, and then I'm gonna log off and we go make out with somebody. So, my name is Leah Hodder. I'm 29. I know. I'm an old hag. I have two kids. I'm a single mom. And being a single mom has actually been the most empowering experience of my life, and I think it has made me grow in ways that I never thought I would grow unless I went through this experience. The shit that I can juggle and handle and pull myself out of is so extreme that anything that happens to me in my life, I can handle. Like, I'm not joking you. I and I've done the healing to where like I'm I'm so much less reactive. I don't, nothing bothers me. Literally. If something happens to me, it was just meant to happen to me. Like, I'm not gonna sit here and freak out and like like I I don't know. It has changed my brain chemistry so much, like it almost puts so much pressure on you that you have no choice just to let go and to not give a fuck, and to just it's fine. I mean, shit, it's alright. And it the there's something so freeing about it. So I'm a single mom. I own my own business called the Skin Bar. So I'm a licensed esthetician. I offer medical grade facials out of Stevensville, hydrofacial, glow to facial, skin pen, chemical peels, um, all the things. I've been doing it 10 years now. 10 fucking years I've been doing it. And I do love it. It's my passion. I've made a great career for myself out of it. And honestly, I'm really proud of myself because I did that while raising children and being in a not the most healthy mind space. So, you know, you gotta give yourself some credit. I gotta give myself some credit. I'm doing really fucking good. Okay, I am. I've pulled myself out of some things. I've really, with my head held high, and I'm just keep I just keep going. I mean, look, I'm literally starting a podcast. Who the fuck can just sit down, record a podcast, and put themselves out there, talk about sex, and not really care. Like, that's me. And I'm just ready to live my life. I'm ready to be authentic. I'm ready to take the next step in my life. And I just want you guys to come with me. I want to like have fun with you guys and to travel and go make out with foreign men and talk to you guys about it and bring you guys with me. Let's fucking go together. Let's go together. I like I'm actually so down for that. I want to be a good mom. I want to, you know, like be present with them and have fun. That's what matters. It's not the labels of oh, you know, I'm doing the things, I'm working, I'm providing. Like, no, your kids need a present, playful mother. Okay, that's what we are. Who cares if you go have a little fun sometimes? I always so I was always so hard on myself about that. Like, no, I can't, I can't go out and like do those things like I'm a mom. It's like, no, like if you can come back to your kids and like feel feel more free and like authentic with yourself and fun, then fucking do it. Alright. So thank you guys for joining me today. I don't know what the fuck I just said, to be completely honest with you. Um we're setting the tone for this Hotter Than You podcast, and we're setting it right, I would say. So thank you for joining me again. I I'm ready. I'm ready to like get this thing rolling again. Let's chat, let's get messy, and I will see you guys next week.