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Hello, hello. Welcome back to the Hotter Than You podcast. I'm your host, Leah Hotter. Thank you for joining me again this week. Happy Friday. Lordy, Lordy, Lordy. We are getting ready for back to school. Eh? Anybody else? Um, like it's time the routine is coming back, and I will say I'm excited for that. Um, well, to be honest with you, like I've always been in a routine because my kids go to childcare, so it's kind of the same shit, except now my daughter is in kindergarten. And last night I had her kindergarten orientation, and it was like, it made me realize like, oh my god, like St. Joe's schools are amazing. Like they really are. Like they put so much like effort and like energy and love into like their pro their school program. And I'm kind of like, I was locked in in the orientation. I was sitting there, like, hell yeah, like every slide, I was not bored. I was like, oh, hell yeah, they do that too. Mm-hmm. We love this. We love this. Like they take donations from people, and I don't know, like take these rich people's money and build million playgrounds. Like, hell yeah. Like, this is a bougie school. I'm pretty sure St. Joe is like top 10. And I'm like, realizing like it does matter. Like, I went to Duajak. My mom was like, we met the teacher like the day of literally like, hey. Um, and there was like 30 students in the class, like there's only 22 students in her class, and I feel like that's like a great class size, like that's not huge. And it made me feel really, really good about her starting kindergarten on Monday. How do I feel about it? Like, other than that, I feel good. Okay. I don't, I try not to like put negative energy around these things that like are supposed to happen. Like she's supposed to like grow up and start school. And like the fact that we've we are in such a good school district, and like I knew the parents like in the class were like all sitting at the table, and we're like, oh, we're starting a group chat. Like we're starting a group chat, like we are we're friends, we're all friends now, they're all like clients of mine. And it was just like great vibes. Why would I be sad about that? Like, she's supposed to grow up and like do these things. I don't know. When I I feel like kids can sense when you're like, oh my god, my baby's starting school. Like, wait, am I not supposed to be doing this? Like, is there something wrong with me doing this? Like, at least hide it if you're gonna act that way, okay? Because the kids can feel that. And now Charlie's like, four days till school. Like, she's counting down the days. She's so excited. And let's keep that energy rolling, let's keep that positive energy rolling because then she, you know, won't have such a bad idea about it. So, yep. Um, we went school shopping this week. Mm-hmm. We bought out Target. She has all new clothes. Um, I have this week off. They have this week off. So we're just like, I decluttered my basement. I have a big pile of shit in the corner that I'm just gonna throw in the trash. Like, I don't even want to look at it. I don't really care. Get it out of my face. It's like bad memories. I was like going through the stuff and I was getting like sick. I was like, this is just bad, bad vibes. Okay. Like my old bathroom stuff. Like, I just was like, get it out of here. Get it out of my face, okay? I no one's gonna want my used toothbrush holder, okay? Like maybe, but like let me just throw it in the trash and peace. Okay, please don't give me shit for it. Like, they're a dollar at fucking Dollar Tree. Go buy a new one, please. I know that's like wasting, but just don't give me shit right now, okay? Like, I'm just trying to clear my life out. We just detailed my car today because I'm like, okay, like it's good to have a clean car. Like for dry like I just did this two weeks ago, three weeks ago, by the way, and it looks like shit already. And I was like, you know what? This is the week. We're gonna like catch up on everything, clear out the basement. Um, like I went through my drawers, I went through the kids' drawers, just like a good reset. I threw all of our socks away because why the fuck do I have three bins of unmatched socks? Okay, let's go to TJ Maxx and buy some new. Like, I just I'm sorry. I'm sorry about it. We need just a fresh start, okay? We need a fresh start. What else have I done? Um I think that's about it. Um, I did go to Home Goods yesterday and I bought some Halloween decorations. What is today? August 27th. Too soon? What do you guys think? Too soon? I also door-dashed a $18 um pumpkin spice latte to my house this morning. Like, the vibes. They're like, they're starting, they're like an arms, they're arms length away. Like, I'm like, I'm reaching for the Halloween. And I asked my mom, I was like, because she just she just goes straight to fall decor, which I get, but you're skipping a whole season, okay? You're skipping Halloween, okay? It's very important for the vibes, mom. Like the house needs to feel a little spooky. Like it's kind of like last year I had bats, like literally bats all over the cupboards, and I had these like purple and orange, like like string lights. It was kind of tacky looking. I'm not gonna lie, it was a little tacky looking. But I have kids, like when they remember Halloween, I want them to remember that shit. Okay, not like um, you know, aesthetic, super aesthetic, like Halloween, like oh, a little, a little ghost here in the corner. Like, no, I want you to walk in and be like, is this a haunted house? Like, I'm not joking. Like, I want it to feel like 90s Halloween, like purple orange, like low lighting, like a fall candle, like some like vintage hand towels, okay? I want like some bats like on the windows. I don't know. I want it all. And so when I asked my mom, she was like, I don't do that, but I would decorate my house Halloween if I could just pay somebody to do it. I'm like such a diva, but same. Um, but yeah, we need to get her on like the Halloween vibe. I think the problem with Halloween decorations is like they're all so tacky now. I know I just said that I do that, but like everything looks so like cartoony. Like, can we go back to like the vintage? Um, like I just bought this blanket and there's like witches on it, and like it's just it looks like a cool blanket, okay? It looks cool. It doesn't look like a five-year-old should have it. Um it's everything needs to be vintage, okay? Actually, I need to go to the vintage store instead of home goods, but Mimi loves herself some home goods, and when I go with her, she pays for everything. So I'll tag along. I'm not gonna take advantage. I think I I bought a blanket, a pillow, and a candle. Okay, so maybe 60 bucks. Thank you, Mimi. And then she brought us out to lunch. So I'm never gonna turn down a free lunch, okay? Especially in this economy and especially with kids. Since I've moved to St. Joe, I have been a freeloader. Okay, I've been a freeloader when it comes to food, okay, food specifically. So my parents, they both of them live like 10 minutes away. I will literally be like, what's for dinner? Like, where can I come? Where can I bring the kids so that like they don't destroy the house again? We can get a good meal and then we can come home. I've literally considered putting both of my parents who have not talked in 20 years, 25 years, into a group chat called dinner. Like just only let's only talk about food here because like we need I I it's so hard to think about dinner every single night. Like, I'm actually struggling here. Okay, what are we gonna eat tonight? I I yes, I can cook a couple times a week, but like it's not enough. Like, I need more ideas, I need more, like Mimi and Papa, like send me the recipe for the night. Like, I'll bring something. But I have been using the hell out of that resource, okay, since I've been living here. I understand now why when we were kids we'd like go to our parent our grandparents all the time because it was like a break for our parents. When I step foot into my mom's house, I am no longer I am I am a mom, but like I'm no longer the the active mom in the moment. Like I'm I'm shut off. Like ask me me. You need a snack, ask me me. You need your diaper changed, ask me me. Like I'm chilling. Okay, and she's happy to do it. She gives a bath, she feeds us, she, you know, we swim in our pool. And then by the time we get home, they go straight to bed. Like it's kind of like you gotta find those little hacks in parenthood, you know? Especially me as a single mom, I gotta find the hacks. Okay. A couple hacks that I have, let me think. Don't put so much pressure on yourself. Let the kids be a little bored. Let them make them figure out a meal for themselves. Okay, they're not gonna starve to death. You're hungry, go make a sandwich. Yes, Charlie might make like a sandwich with mayonnaise and lettuce, but like she's proud of it and she eats it. Okay. If she's really starving, obviously, like I'm not gonna do that. Okay, but the snacks get, you know, they get a lot, they get overwhelming. Um, like let's learn something. Let's let's learn how to take care of this problem on your own. You know, that's how you teach them. Um, I just make them do things with me. Like, um, we're doing laundry, follow me downstairs, or you know, like random games. Like, I just I don't put too much pressure on myself to like entertain them 24-7. We'll do like one task a day. Like, since I've been off this whole week, I'm like, we'll do one thing a day. Park. Okay, I'll bring them to the park for literally like an hour and a half. Like we walk there. I can chill, drink my coffee, watch them. It's a break for both of us. They're not destroying the house. Okay. Curious Kids Museum, right here in St. Joe. I have a year past. Okay, we'll go do that. I think we might do that today. I can kind of stand around. I follow them, you know. What do you guys want to play with? Let's play with these, let's feed the dinosaurs. Okay. Again, they're not destroying the house. That's another hack. Um, I don't know, you guys. Um another thing that's like new in my life is um my hair. So I had from last time you guys saw me a short bob, a blonde. A short blonde bob haircut. Okay. I need a deep breath because I'm starting to get choppy and like, you know, you know how I get a short blonde bob. And last Thanksgiving, I was like sitting at my Thanksgiving dinner table. Okay, I was sitting there and I was just eating and I was like looking at my sister, who's kind of a bitch. Like, we're all kind of bitchy, like we're so honest. Like, if something I think is ugly, like I will say it. Like, I just like I have to. I'm trying to help you. Like, if somebody thought something was ugly on me, my outfit, whatever, like and they had an opinion that I respected, I would like want them to tell me, okay. Even the guy I was I'm talking to right now, like we were out and my hair was like fucked up in the back. Okay, like it was fucked up, it was like flipping up, and he was like, he pulled me to the side and was like licking his hands and like patting my hair down, and I was like, wait, like you actually care about me and my hair. Like, thank you. Like that meant so much to me. Like, that's a love language to me. If you didn't say anything and like pull me to the side and like, bitch, you look hit, like your hair looks fucked up and ugly. I would lose respect for him. Do you see what I'm saying? So my sister and I, yeah, we're sitting at the dinner table and she's just glaring at me, and I'm looking at her and I'm like, Can I help you? Like, what are you looking at me like that for? She's like, Your hair's so ugly. Dada. Like, not the style, the cut and color. Okay, at the time it was like I had blonde hair extensions long, and I had like a root tap, like like I had brown at the top, okay. She's like, you look washed out, like you look so washed out, like you need to go darker with your hair. And I didn't listen to her. I don't know why. I kept it blonde. I took the extensions out, I went short. And I don't know what was like if I had hair blindness or something. That's not my look. It's not my color, it's not my cut, it's just not, okay. So I waxed this girl, and she came in, and she had this long blonde, these long extensions, and I was like, I want long, dark brown hair extensions, and I want them immediately. Again, the impulse, okay? It's stuff like this I'm impulsive about. Like, I need to make this change immediately. Like, it just feels right. And I'm literally waxing her vagina, and I'm like, order the hair, because she does hair, by the way. I'm like, pull it up right now. I'm literally in her vagina, waxing the hairs out, and I'm like, pull it up, pull up the site and order the hair. Like, I and I want it done next week. Because she was like, I can do it. Like, we'll make it happen. Because I think she's always wanted to do my hair. And because I tell people, I tell everybody, if my hair looks good, you will get clients from that. Okay, you will. And anyway, so I'm like, how much? She's like, it's $800. I'm like, here I literally Venmoed her before like her she was dressed. Okay. And I made the appointment for the following Friday, and the transformation in my face is so dramatic. Like my eyes look a million times brighter. I was looking dull. I was looking washed out. I was looking 50 years old before. Okay. And now that I have this long chocolate brown hair, I feel like I'm myself again. Okay. I feel like I'm 19 again. Okay. When I was 19, that was my peak. Okay. I was working in that med spa. I had I bought myself a new Mercedes-Benz. Why the fuck did I do that? Um, because I was bougie at the time and I was materialistic at the time. And I had I had a Louis Vuitton tote bag, and I lived in this brand new apartment building. And it was like, I had this, oh my god, you guys, my apartment was so fucking nice. I had like nicer than any house I've ever even lived in. Like, I had this huge granite island, floor-to-ceiling windows. I had a jacuzzi bathtub. I had a huge master bedroom with like an office, big walk-in closet, and I lived there by myself. Okay, and that's on being a single, successful woman. Okay, and then I got pregnant and everything changed. And then I had to become more practical, and then now all my money goes to them. Anyways. Um, so yeah, back to my hair. Um yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's just like the fall vibes. Um you know, we're doing doctor's appointments this week. Um haircuts. Um what else did we do? Oh yeah, her orientation. It's just a week of like preparation, okay? And when I went brought my son to the doctor, I walked in, okay, and I'm just hit with these with this table of iPads, kiosks, but more specifically, okay, kiosks. And I immediately was irritated as fuck. I was like, are you fucking joking me? Like, there's kiosks at the doctor now. Not like here's a tablet to fill out your information, okay? I understand that a little bit more, but you can't even greet me. Like, there's no greeter, like there's no receptionist now. Well, there was. The receptionist is sitting behind the desk just watching you struggle with the kiosk. Okay. And so I walk in, I'm like, are you fucking serious? So it's like asking me my birthday. And I'm like, Do you want my birthday or his birthday? Like, I don't look, like, I need help already. Like, just the second I look at the kiosk, I'm like, can you come do this for me? Like, I'm not doing it. Okay, my mom, I told her about it, and she's like, Where did she say she went? She's like, I went somewhere the other. Oh, the bank. She said she went to the bank and she walked in and there were these kiosks, and she left and drove to Coloma, which is like 20 minutes away, because that bank didn't have kiosks. And I'm like, you know what? We're the same. We're the same. It's too much. Like, I'm tired of the kiosks. I'm tired of the QR codes. I'm tired of like, yeah, I guess I don't know. I'm just tired of it all. Like the technology. I'm tired of like tipping it subway. Why the fuck am I tipping it fucking subway? Like, what am I tipping? Okay, I understand that you are providing me a service, but like you're just and I hate to be that person, you're just because I'm an amazing tipper. When I go out to eat, I always tip between 20 and 30%. Like, even if it's shitty. Like, I would never not tip. Like, I don't know. But it's getting out of hand with like the fast food. Okay, this is fast food. Pay your employees like a couple dollars more and take that shit off. Please. Okay, you're embarrassing yourself. Fully embarrassing yourself. Anyways. Um, so I don't know if you guys have Reddit. I do, and I use Reddit whenever I'm like having a moment where I like smoke a little weed and I'll like look up stories and I'll like read them. And we're gonna read Reddit story. Fudge, I lost it. Um, let's find a new one. Let's find a new one together. Okay, so this one is about couples that rave, which like I love like dabbling in like people's lives that like I I don't live. Okay, rave life. This is a whole life I've never experienced. Okay, I've never even really I mean I've been to Life in Color. Does that count? Like it was in a freaking auditorium, I think. Like, I don't know. Um, I've never been to like electric forest, and I think I would, and I feel like I would have more fun actually the older I am. Like, I feel like that might be something I try in my 40s. My kids are a little older. Like, I'm gonna go to electric forest for a night or two. Like, I'm gonna go live again. I'm gonna go live again. And like I'm I'd have a different mindset, you know, I'd be more mature about it. And I could see myself doing that. Would I be a rave girl? I don't know. I don't really like being dirty, I don't like peeing in like tents, I don't like other people touching me, which is like so rave life. I feel like you're all on each other, and then drugs kind of scare me. You know, like drugs like that. Like I've done drugs like before I had kids like that, but I would not do them now unless I could like fully test it and I was like out of town. Like, I don't know. Even then I'm like, mmm, like I've seen too much. Okay. For couples that rave, what boundaries do you set? Ooh, because you guys are all like on drugs, you're all like tripping together. Like, I'm sure like there's like friend groups that are close. Like, what are the boundaries if you're going to a rave with your significant other? What is permissible? Dealing with an incident this past weekend. Interesting. Let's read. So me and my partner went to a festival this weekend, and my partner usually fans people around us while I give out trinkets, candy, etc. I was wearing kaleidoscope glasses for a portion of a set. I saw a pretty girl with brown hair and pink lingerie and a pink lingerie set come up to my partner, but didn't think much of it. My partner and I were debriefing after the concert, and he told me some girl came up she didn't type this right, came up to him in pink lingerie and wanted him to fan her, only for her to be definitely onto something and started groping him. Okay. Thought he didn't touch her, but he d but he let her keep groping him. He said he would have given her a shoulder ride, but out of respect to me he didn't do it. Why? Why do you need to do that? Why would you say that I was thinking about giving her a shoulder ride? Just leave that out. You know, like some things are just better off unsaid. I played it off cool like, oh she was trippin'. I bet she was so pretty. You must have made her feel good. And he said yeah I would have felt all up on her too parentheses sounding like a joke. Hmm. Why are you saying this to her? Are you trying to make your girlfriend insecure because she's prettier than you? I hate men. I'm lying awake for the past few hours because this has been bothering me. This is the first time this has happened but now I'm anxious this has happened when I wasn't with him very well could have happened. I feel like with raves I'm so used to personal boundaries being pushed. It's fine and usually people are under the influence and don't cause harm. He was drunk and I was also drunk. I just feel like now that I'm sober this whole interaction made me feel uncomfortable and insecure okay that's valid because he's saying that like he would have allowed more to happen if like he wasn't in a relationship okay let's talk about it. So with this incident I believe it's going to be how he handles you confronting him okay if he owns up and is like sorry I was fucked up like you know that should never that should have never happened and I should never have said that like I wanted to give her a shoulder ride and touch all up on her I was drunk like still doesn't make it necessarily okay but at least like it would show where his mind's at more if he's like oh you know like like who cares like whatever like it was you know we're at a rave we're fucked up then then I think that's like a red flag you know I think like that's not okay. I can see where these raves get crazy. I actually can't imagine the amount of incidents and things that happen there. Like I bet everybody's cheating at those raves. Like they it has to be they're all like in little tents they're all like sweaty and drunk and like I don't know like it kind of gives off like maybe you should be in an open relationship when you go to rave's vibes. Like I don't know I don't really know I'm scared I don't know um like one person's set of boundaries are gonna look completely different than another person like set of boundaries. And all I have to say is you got to figure out what works for you and stick to them and be honest and communicative about them. And that's all you can do. So you need to tell this man that was not okay. I am not comfortable with that because maybe he doesn't know maybe he doesn't know because you're so beautiful and you're so like confident in yourself that maybe he just thinks that like you guys are cool and regardless of you know they didn't make out or fuck. So it's fine in his mind we need to have a chat we need to have a chat with this guy and let's see there's another part to it I texted my friend about it and she's said oh my boyfriend is always asked to be a part of threesomes at Raves see that's it's giving it's giving like hookup like crazy culture and he just jokes it off and declines it but boosts his ego for like weeks am I overreacting I just feel like it really did hurt. So these rave men are red flags they do have fantasies of like probably going there getting messed up and like sleeping with these multiple beautiful rave girls like that's the truth as a girl we need to understand where these men's minds are and and just be okay with it but if you act on it I'll slit your throat ear to ear okay all right guys um thanks for hanging out with me for 26 minutes um I hope your kids have a great back to school season I hope they stay safe and have good vibes good energy get them into a routine right now okay so that by Monday morning they aren't miserable little humans and yeah I will see you guys next week love you