How to BEAT depression & anxiety for good

In this initial episode, Lily gives a step by step plan (the exact frame work that changed her life) to help you overcome anxiety and depression once and for all. Because your anxiety and depression... IS NOT YOU! It's a pesky program looking to be rewritten. 

So, are you ready to rewrite it? If yes, tune into her first ever episode. 

Transcript

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Who the hell am I? Who do I want to be? You are not broken. Body is trying to send you messages to say, hey, this situation doesn't align with me anymore. Hello everyone. My name is Lily Talula. Thank you so much for coming onto my channel. In this channel, I talk about all things spirituality, food, diet, shifting your reality essentially through the internal landscape. Today, though, I really want to talk about anxiety and depression because anxiety and depression, especially anxiety, was something that I experienced on chronic levels for a very, very big portion of my life. And I want to talk about how I overcame that and how you can overcome that too. And it's there, I you know, I have done a lot of work on myself. I've I've gone very, very deep into my being and myself. And something that I feel is completely the truth is that if you are experiencing anxiety or depression, you are not broken. You are not broken, nothing is wrong with you. And for such a long time, I felt that something was wrong with me fundamentally. So just to give you a little bit of an explanation of my experience and my journey, um I grew up with two parents. I had a mom and a dad. They divorced when I was very young. And while they are very beautiful people and I love them a lot, there was a lot of chaos in my family life. Um, there was uh emotional neglect happening, physical abuse happening, things that were not always easy, and I really do love them and I forgive them for everything that they experienced that that they did because they experienced that from their parents. So it was intergenerational trauma, and I am here to break the pattern, and that's what I felt my life calling was. Um, but as a result of years of feeling fight or flight, or having to be on red alert for my parents, or having to manage other people's emotions so I didn't get hurt, I, you know, never really felt safe in my body to just be myself, to be my authentic self. Because when I showed up authentically and I spoke my needs, I was often met with criticism or disapproval or rejection. And yeah, and I felt really like I didn't trust myself for a really long time. Like I had no self-trust in my own feelings. And so for years, I was attracting people in my life that were not great for me, like be it boyfriends who, you know, weren't really showing me the respect, the true respect that I deserved, or just lifestyle situations and having really low self-worth, like really low self-worth, really bad confidence, um, feeling like, you know, some days I couldn't even get out of bed in the morning. It was so debilitating feeling this way. And anyway, I got through it. I am on the other side officially, guys. And I just want you to know that you can get through it too. And anything that tells you that you cannot get through this is a lie. It is a lie. You are so inherently, inherently powerful, it is ridiculous. And there's a lot in society, in mainstream medicine, in mainstream ideas, that your past defines you. So that is not true. And I had doctors tell me that based on the trauma I had experienced and what I was experien and what I was going through in my body on a daily basis, that I would likely never overcome my childhood trauma and that I would have to manage it for forever. And that is not true. Like, while yes, it is a healing experience, and sometimes traumas come up, it gets easier and easier if you know how to process your emotions properly, if you know how the universe works. And so this is where, you know, it gets a little not too esoteric, but something that really helped me on my journey. So I was going and seeing therapists since I was like seven to try and figure out what was wrong with me. Um, and then I had a few really good therapists, but the game changer of my life was when I started to work with a meditation and shadow work teacher. Now, this is when the game went to the next level because a lot of talk therapy is very much about talking. It's talking it out. How did you feel about that? Blah, blah, blah. Which is very, I don't know, useful in some ways to see a reality more clearly. And it definitely did help me in some regard. But the truth is, true healing can actually only happen in the physical body. It has to happen through reprocessing the emotions that you experienced and held back on, and then feeling like you are now safe to actually feel those emotions fully and let them out of your body. Because essentially we have kind of two states, right? We have the version of us that is like the inner child, and then we have our adult self, which is the self that's like, okay, Lily, I need to go to bed now. It's 10 p.m., or I need to get off social media, or let's go brush our teeth. It's the side of you that is responsible for keeping your life in check and parenting yourself and making sure that you're safe and doing well. And then we have the side that is the child self, which is a beautiful side of ourselves that we want to embrace and encourage. That's sometimes the playful side of you, the side of you that just wants to wake up one day and dance or create a cool artwork and feel expressive and free. But in order for that child to feel safe to actually create and feel expressive and free and happy, it needs to feel safe within its embodied, within its body, and within its environment. And so you, as the parent who's like taken over parenting from your parents, you need to become the parent that you never got for your inner child so that your inner child isn't running the show. Um, because if the inner child is more prevalent than the adult version of yourself, or what I like to call the highest self version of yourself, it is gonna run your life and it is going to feel chaotic, and your life is gonna feel messy, and what you're going to attract is going to not be of your highest potential. Um, because yeah, that state when the child is not regulated and when the child is feeling unsafe, it projects a lot of its fears outward externally, and it just doesn't feel good, and it's and it's not the best place to make decisions from, it's it's not the best place to create from. And yeah, a lot of our parents, my parents, like as again, they're beautiful people, but a lot of their patterns um are involving their inner child being very prevalent and not integrating and merging the two states of being. So we essentially to become whole in ourselves, want to integrate the inner child and the adult higher self so it is one unified force, and that child can come alive in its freedom and fullness because that is our inner joy. So I've made a little bit of a list of the steps I took specifically and what I still do to process and let go and clear my baggage so that I can show up in this life as a true joyful creator, so that I am not living in the past. I am living in a version of myself that is of bliss, that is of the future version of who I truly want to be, who I really am, so I can make targeted decisions and directions that that align with the vision of myself that is not of trauma, it is of joy and bliss and beauty. So, something that I learned to do about eight or nine years ago, I started to become the observer of my thoughts. Now, this was huge for me because a lot of us live in thinking that our thoughts, our mind, our reality, our experience are us. And we take our lives personally. We think that we are our life. Like if we're, you know, living in a dodgy financial situation, we associate that with ourselves being poor or not good enough, or you know, if we um have thoughts that we are bad people or whatever, we associate that them as being the truth. But the truth is this, guys, and I want you to know this from the bottom of your heart. You are not your thoughts, you are not your programming, you are not anything. You are not your past, you are not your faulty decisions, you are not the version of you that was 14 and did something that hurt another person. You are not even the version of yourself that you were yesterday. Every moment we get to show up and choose to be something new because we are not our thoughts. We are not us. So how I got to this, and this sounds kind of trippy maybe to some, but how I got to this approach was through starting to meditate. I began to just bring meditation, even in a very small way, into my life daily through a five-minute repetition, uh, five-minute meditation sometimes, just daily getting into the state of observing rather than reacting and being in that constant reactive phase and state. And what I started to realize was that I am actually not Lily. I am playing a character of Lily, but there is actually a part of me that is observing all this reality. Because how can I be what I am observing? Do you get what I'm saying? Like, if you can notice in your body that you were freaked out, that firstly means that there is something in you that is not the freak out. There's something that is observing all of that. So you are not your thoughts, and and it will start to become more clear to you this whole concept when you start to meditate regularly and put in that practice. Like I did it, I meditate, I had no discipline in my life, but the one thing I could show up for daily was a 10-minute meditation, and I just did it every day. And over time, I started to develop this awareness and this observatory lens. And so, what is brilliant about becoming the observer of our thoughts is we realize that if that we that we because we're not that past thinking, we can actually choose a new reality. And um, and that's what's really exciting, and I'll get into that really soon. But um essentially, we the second thing I started doing was making time to regulate. This was like a step that I started to bring in secondary. So I started to realize, okay, these 10-minute meditations are really helping me. What if I start to integrate? And I and a and a meditation coach was the one who really showed me a lot of this. What if I start to integrate daily practices that are about being present and showing up for myself with love and kindness? So that could even be a daily walk. It could be a 20-minute walk around the block where you listen to calming music and you just go for a walk and you just try to be in that observer state. Or something I would implement is if I didn't go for a walk, or maybe also if I wanted to do a walk as well as this, I would lay down and give myself a 20-minute nap. Like I was a kid at daycare. You know, when you get naps as a kid and you're like, oh, I hate this. As an adult, naps are surprisingly awesome. They really reset you. So for 20 to 30 minutes, I put on calming music. I still do this often, and I just allow my body to be. I just be. I don't need to fix anything, I don't need to do anything. If I need to process my emotions and cry, I allow myself to do that. But putting in these little steps of daily regulation, and you don't need to do it all at once. I started with 10 minutes of meditation and then I gradually built up to about a 30-minute practice over time. This was over about a two-year period, and then I went into like I could start doing 45 minutes, an hour-long sessions of meditation, and then yeah, with mindful walking, you can start really small. You can say, you know, this week I'm going to every day take myself for a little walk and and just be with myself or go in nature. Nature is incredibly healing and regulating. So learning how to start regulating your body is really important and putting in those little steps. The third process, the third thing to layer on top that really helped me was starting to learn how to process my emotions in a way that didn't cause looping and cycling and staying in my emotions. Like actually learning how to process them in a way that was letting them release fully from my body. So I still get emotional. I have days where I get triggered. This is life. Life is gonna show up and it is gonna trigger you. Um matter what phase of the journey you were on, but you just get better and better at having the tools to be able to process your emotions properly and understand what your triggers are trying to tell you. So, yeah, essentially, guys, depression and anxiety. Firstly, we've established you are not broken. But what I would like to say is this depression, anxiety, health issues, anything that is showing up in your life that is dysregulating your system, it's making you feel freaked out. It's um, yeah, anything that you are not loving in your life, that is often your soul trying to wake you up to deeper versions of yourself or a deeper level of alignment of yourself, how you can live in more alignment. So, yeah, you aren't broken. You're literally not broken. It's that your body is trying to send you messages to say, hey, this situation doesn't align with me anymore. I actually want to go on this path. This is what more deeply aligns with my soul and my inner joy. And um, and yeah, so learning how to process your emotions is a big part of that and understanding what your triggers are trying to say to you because your triggers are just data. They're just data trying to wake you up to deeper levels of alignment within yourself. So, okay, so let me unpack this. Processing your emotions. Firstly, we've established that we're not our thoughts, we're the observer of our thoughts. And um, and yeah, how I've learned how to process my emotions is instead of just being like, you know, living in them and being like, oh, I'm so angry, I'm so sad, like I just have sadness all the time, whatever, I'm starting to process them as the observer. So when I notice an emotion come in or a trigger happen, I'll immediately start to just notice, okay, wow. Firstly, I notice a trigger just happened. I'm triggered. My body is dysregulated. Okay, wow. And then I start to feel the emotion in real time. Oh, okay, that's fear. Oh, that's fear passing through. This is fear passing through. Oh, this is sadness passing through my vessel, passing through my system. And I'm just constantly reminding myself that this emotion is not me, it's something that's passing through my vessel right now to be released. Because that's what happens, is anytime we get triggered, anytime emotional comes, an emotion comes up, it is purely coming up to release from our system to be let go of. And so, yeah, that's when I'll go, okay, wow, mm-hmm. I'm feeling the fear, and I'll call it, I'll start to label it for what it is rather than identifying with it. Like, um, oh my gosh, I'm so scared. Oh my gosh, I need to like go and freak out. Like, no, no, no, this is fear, and I'll sit with it and then I'll immediately turn to giving myself love and safety and security. So if you're not, if you're getting triggered and you're not feeling safe in the environment, you're allowed to leave that environment and go and be somewhere that makes you feel safe. If that's your home that you're in, and I was in situations a lot where my home was not safe, I sometimes had to leave my home and regulate. And so if you need to go to the beach, if you need to go into your room, if you need to close the door, if you need to say to the person that you've been triggered by, hey, I've actually just gotten really triggered. I need to just go and sit by myself and process this. That is totally fine. You need to be in a place where you can feel your emotions safely and process them. So yeah, I will notice. Firstly, noticing is the biggest thing. Having awareness, okay, wow, I'm triggered, I'm feeling an emotion. This is big. Then finding a safe space for yourself to regulate. So that regulation involves loving yourself and accepting yourself with unconditional love and acceptance in that moment. Regardless of what you're feeling. If you're feeling anxiety, if you're feeling jealousy, if you're feeling anger, if you feel like you need to punch a pillow. None of that is wrong. None of your emotions are wrong. It's just how we present our emotions in this world. Because yeah, I don't want to go up to another person and punch them, but I'm quite comfortable punching a pillow if I need to. So, okay, so awareness, and then you're going to radically accept yourself for where you are at in that moment. Okay, wow, okay, radical acceptance. I'm feeling crazy jealousy. There is nothing wrong with this. I'm feeling blah, blah, blah. And then you're going to allow, instead of trying to get to the logic of like, how do I solve this? How do I do this now? Um, allow yourself to just process that emotion fully. Just be in it. You don't need to solve any situation right now until you're more regulated. Trying to solve a situation while you're dysregulated is very difficult. I've tried. So, okay, other than if you're in a situation with where you're with a person and you feel like you're under threat, obviously you are under threat. So you go, okay, I need to leave this situation right now. And then you can start to regulate yourself and put yourself back into a calm, parasympathetic state. So then you can take aligned action from there. Um, often if we try to take action from these highly emotional states, that's where we can get into more trouble than it's worth. I've found I it it I'll be in a reactional place. So stepping back, allowing myself to really feel the fullness of my emotions. If I need to cry, if I need to scream, if I need to, you know, punch a pillow, sometimes I'll even go for a walk, and I will swear I'll be like that effing, vr, vr, vr, vr. Like I'll talk as though I'm talking sometimes to the person I'm angry at. You know, I'll really let it out. It's not about suppressing your emotions. You don't do that anymore. It's that's not how you let them go. So we have to let them go by allowing them to be there in this in a safe space. So a safe space isn't, you know, screaming at the person you're angry at. It's going, hey, I need to disengage, and then go ins and like going outside for a walk and yeah, like doing what you need to do, like walking it off. Like, I wouldn't yell in the street, but I would talk to them like in a whisper, like, how dare you do this to me? Like, you freaking, you know, maybe I come across as a crazy person, but it works for me. Anyway, so then once you fully process your emotions, you're feeling more regulated, you're feeling like you're back in that parasympathetic state, that's when we're in a place to address the situation and to go, what was this trigger trying to show me? So something I really, really learned this year, which has fully changed my life, is that this reality that we live in, this world, everything is a mirror of your internal state, and it's mirroring back to you parts of yourself that are needing more love, growth, um, boundaries. Everything is just trying to show you more about who you truly are and what's going to make you truly happy. Honestly, that's what I've realized it's it. Is it so recently I was actually in an experience, this was yesterday, where on my Instagram I'd allowed someone into my space and I was talking to this, not physical space, but online space, and I was talking to this person, and my body did not feel safe with this person. There was something about this person that was really discombobulating. Um, there was a lot of uh love bombing going on and spiritual bypassing. I was just noticing some stuff in the way this person was interrelating with me, and it was really triggering. So I had to put myself through that process of processing my emotions, disengaging from the situation, allowing myself to feel it, allowing myself to journal. You can journal out your feelings, allowing yourself to speak it out, be angry at the person. And that's when afterwards I then was like, okay, I'm now in a space to figure out my next move and what this situation is trying to tell me. So, what the situation was trying to tell me, I believe, after reflection, was that this person is not safe for me. I do not want this person in my energy field, I do not want this person interrelating and having access to me. I need to put in a boundary. And so I wrote to this person and I said, Look, I'm putting in a boundary, I'm not gonna be engaging with this anymore. And then I proceeded to block this person online. And um, and yeah, and immediately I felt calm again and I was like, okay, I'm safe. And you know, if that person felt upset by that, that's on them. There was something I had to protect myself in that moment. I did not feel safe, and so I had to put in a measure that then brought back my sense of safety. So, yeah, all of this stuff is just showing you, hmm, that's interesting. That person doesn't align with me, that person doesn't make me feel safe. And and just, you know, putting in calm, grounded measures and boundaries with life. And sometimes we have to put in boundaries with ourselves. Like, I can sometimes go on my phone really late at night and it doesn't work for me. So I have to assess why that sometimes dysregulates my system and then put in a boundary with myself that's like, okay, what was that trigger showing me about my phone up? Like, okay, I need to just turn my phone off by 8 p.m. That's a little boundary I need to put in. Okay, so that was a big thing to cover. So, and this isn't so much a step-by-step process, but also almost like a you're doing all of this simultaneously in life. So, something that also really helped me get out of depression and anxiety, other than you know, realizing all this stuff, learning how to regulate, learning how to process my emotions, was visualizing the person that I truly want to be. This is really important. This is really important. Because when we know what we don't want, that's fabulous. It's fabulous to know what you don't want. It's fabulous to know, okay, this job isn't aligning for me, or this person doesn't make me feel safe, or you know, I think I can disengage from feeling the pressure to do this thing or that thing. When we start to know ourselves better, that's awesome. But we need a North Star. We need a vision that we are working towards because that is going to help us show up daily, feel like we're living in purpose, and feel like we're on track with life. And that vision doesn't even need to be a like, I need to make a million dollars by 2025. 20, well, it is past 2025, by 2055, whatever. It doesn't need to be that. It's it's kind of breaking it down into two components. And this is what I want to work with and will be working with with clients, and what I do with clients is understanding your value system and understanding the character you do want to be. What is your highest self really telling you you do want to be? And yeah, this is something that I think is really important to get clear on. Because when you start to let go of what you don't want, you can enter a void space where you're like, oh my gosh, who even am I? I don't even know who I am anymore. I don't even know what I want, who I want to be. Perfect. Well, this is when we get calm, we feel into ourselves, and we start to actually actually create, co-create the version we want to be. Because that's when we feel freaking amazing. That's when it gets exciting. That's when life is like, oh my gosh, I don't have to be that version of myself anymore. Because I get to choose. Okay, well, if I'm not that old past version of myself that was living in trauma and pain, who the hell am I? Who do I want to be? Who do I want to show up as? Who do I want to come into this world as? What is the character of Lily? How does she feel on a daily basis? How does she move in this space? How does she make others feel? What does she do? That is when it gets really, really exciting. And we what we do is we feel into that space and we feel the frequency of that space. So we feel how it feels in our body to be that version of ourselves that feels empowered, that feels safe, that feels abundant. Like, because ultimately that's who we truly are. We truly are at the core of ourselves. We are abundant, we are safe, we are joyful, we are confident, we are authentic. Those are our natural inherent qualities, and anything that tells you otherwise is just programming. It is just programming. And so, what a gift. We are those things. And so this is where you get to be really creative and be like, okay, well, if I felt safe in my body every day, how would I actually show up? What are the things I would actually do? Who would I be? Okay, and so now I'm gonna talk about the final thing that was a serious game changer for me that a lot of people I think overlook. And this is something that changed it all for me. And I'm not saying everyone has to do this the way I've done it, but this was huge. So at a point, I'd learned all this stuff and it was amazing, but I still was experiencing anxiety and sad depressed states in my life. I was having a lot of positivity come in, but I was still feeling like there were areas of my life that were still clouded in anxiety. Well, not even areas of my life. It was confusing because I was like, my life is great. Why do I still feel so anxious? And on top of this, I was having really bad health issues. And even though I was doing all this spiritual work, my health issues were not going away. So this is something that a lot of spiritual coaches do not take into consideration that I think is hugely important. What you consume creates your life, right? So if you're consuming a lot of stuff that brings down your frequency, it makes you feel sad. Of course, you're gonna feel sad. The same goes for what you consume in terms of what you eat. Now, I choose to be a raw vegan, which a lot of people would say is a really extreme diet. That is the diet that aligns best with my body. It's it's what my soul, through a lot of trial and tribulation, has shown me works for my body. I'm not saying everyone has to be there, but our food is affecting our level of clarity and our level of vibrancy more than we are possibly realizing. And it is really easy to get into a cycle of going to foods that are actually not really bringing you full joy because they're comforting in the moment. So let me explain this. So I used to be someone who was eating hamburgers all the time, I'd eat chips, I'd eat chocolate, I'd eat all those conventional foods. And, you know, I don't regret it. There was a purpose to that on my journey, but were my health issues good? No. I was suffering terribly from health issues, which was affecting my daily life. So even though I knew all of this, or of what I just told you, I was still not feeling my best. And I was still experiencing levels of anxiety and depression. So our food really, really affects us. And I was eating certain foods that were comfort foods. So I would feel anxiety, and then I would lean on comfort foods, and the cut I would get comfort from those burgers, from those chips, from all that stuff. But then the next day I would feel anxious again, and so then I would have to go and lean on those comfort foods again. And so my health issues were getting worse, nothing was improving. And um I started to then realize that the food that was comforting was actually the food that was making me sick, and it was the food that was giving me more anxiety and more depression and causing a really vicious cycle that I was freaking over and I was ready to break it. And so after a lot of trials with different diets to try and work out what worked for me, I came to the realization that incorporating as much living raw food into my diet was the thing that helped me the most with clarity. So there's a lot of stuff that I look at and focus on, and you can watch other videos on all of this. Um, but raw food is very high vibrational. So if we are electric beings, we are, you know, energy. If we rub our hands together, we can feel the energy. That's just science, that's physics. Then naturally the food we put into our body is also energy, and it's going to create an effect in our body. So living foods, food that has not been tampered with by cooking, processing, heat, none of that is the most vibrant food for our body. It operates on such a high vibrancy that it makes our state feel so good. There's also a lot of research that I've I will go into in other videos about why I believe this food is our biological diet, why it physically resonates with our body on a physical sense, why our anatomy is meant for this diet. But um, I'll go into that another time. But when we start to incorporate more living foods into our diet, we will start to live. When we eat more cooked food, we will feel cooked. And food really, really, really does affect your hormones. It affects your emotional health, it affects everything, it affects so much more than you are realizing. So for me, fruit particularly is the most healing food on the planet. When I started to eat food fruit, especially and have just meals of fruit, my life completely transformed. It was another spiritual shift for me on a big deep level. So, anyway, that's a video I'll go into another time. If you're interested in any of this and you're interested in working with me, I am offering six-week programs and also one-on-one sessions. And we can go through this. I can look at where you're at and and and look, I can also look at your diet, and we can figure out a plan together that's going to be sustainable for you. I'm not saying you need to uphaul your whole diet dietary plan right now. I'm saying that I can help you meet you where you're at so that we can figure out what is at the bottom of what is going on. And um, and try and live in a way that's more joyful, more vibrant, and more abundant because I promise you guys, you do not have to feel anxious and depressed anymore. You can have the life of your dreams, you can live in abundance, you can live in safety, it is your birthright to have that happen to you. It is your birthright to feel bliss on a daily basis. That is your natural, God-given birthright. And so anything that is destabilizing you right now, it's not because of you. It's because it's a program running through you and it's trying to wake you up to deeper levels of truth about who you really are. So, anyway, guys, I really hope that you have enjoyed this video. Feel free to subscribe, leave me a comment if you want. Feel free to follow me on Instagram. Um, my socials will be on this video, put it on the video. And uh, and yeah, you can follow along for more of what I'm talking about. And I just want you guys to remember you are beautiful divine beings. You have got this. This life was made for you. You are so powerful, you are way more powerful than you could ever possibly know. And the life of your dreams is available to you. It's actually happening right now. You just need to choose it, you just need to show up and go, I'm gonna be the version of myself that believes it. Anyway, have a beautiful day, guys. Thank you so much.