YOU CAN’T LEGISLATE LOVE

Episode 3: You Can’t Legislate Love

What if some of the most important things in life simply cannot be forced?

We can create rules.
 We can establish expectations.
 We can require compliance.

But can we require compassion?
 Can we mandate loyalty?
 Can we legislate love?

In this episode of The Tension Where Truth Lives, Pastor Charles Howse explores the difference between behavior that is compelled and actions that flow from genuine care, connection, and conviction.

From families and friendships to leadership, culture, and everyday life, this conversation examines why people often do willingly what they resist when forced—and why the most transformative forces in our lives cannot be manufactured by pressure alone.

Whether you’re listening from a living room, a truck cab, a prison cell, a shelter, an office, or somewhere in between, this episode invites you to consider a simple but profound truth:

Rules may influence behavior.

But love has the power to change hearts.

Join the conversation.

Because truth often lives between the extremes.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hey, it's Pastor Howes. And this is the tension where truth lives. This is the place where we have those honest, deep conversations about the stuff we all feel but don't always have the guts to say out loud. You know what I mean? You're listening to season one, episode three. Today, we're diving into something I've been chewing on for a long time. I'm calling it You Can't Legislate Love. It's a concept that hits home whether you're a CEO, a parent, or just a friend. Let me take you back about 30 years. I was a young minister full of fire, but I was also grinding away in corporate America. I was an entry-level manager for a Fortune 50 company called Wire Creative Communication. Ever heard of it? My boss back then was a man named John Finley. I'll never forget John. He made a phenomenal impact on my life, truly. I started as a floor manager just trying to keep my head above water and eventually I got promoted to facility manager. That was actually the role John had when I first got hired. Over the years, John climbed the ladder to become the vice president of operations. He taught me so much about business principles, but he taught me even more about people. One thing he taught me was the sandwich method. Have you heard of this? If you have to tell somebody something negative, you sandwich it. You start with a positive, say what needs to be said, and then you end with another positive. It works, right? But he also taught me about something he called clear eyes. John would say a great linebacker has to have clear eyes. He needs a presence on the field where he's aware of everything, even the things happening behind him. That awareness is key. But here's the thing: even with all that leadership and all those principles, we had a major problem. We had a tremendously high turnover rate. It was like a revolving door. People were coming in and out so fast it would make your head spin. We were spending a fortune on training, development, and recruiting. It was just an expected part of the business expense. Most of the workers were young, right out of high school, just starting their lives. For them, this was just a transitional job. Now John was a pastor and I was aspiring to higher levels of ministry myself. One thing I've really grown in over the last 30 years is what I call people development. I remember having this conversation in the hallway with the owner, Mr. Wire. Mr. Wire was discouraged. He felt like there was no empathy in the ranks. He felt like people were just there for a paycheck and he really wanted to create a family company. Honestly, you could see that family vibe in upper management. But on the production floor? Well, in my opinion, we were the stepchildren. We were the heartbeat of the company, the ones actually making the product, but we didn't feel appreciated. We felt like cogs in a giant cold machine. I was just young enough and maybe a little too crazy back then to be blunt with him. He wanted to know the solution. I told him, Mr. Wire, you have to make them feel like a part of the company. You have to make them feel valued. He looked at me and asked, What's your department going to do? And that's where we found the pain. Because here's the hard truth. You can require people to do a lot of things, but you can't force the stuff that matters most. I mean, think about it. I can write an employee handbook that says be kind to customers. I can put it in bold, I can make them sign it, I can even threaten to write them up if they don't smile, but I can't make them mean it. I can't force them to actually care when they say have a nice day. You can legislate compliance, but you absolutely cannot legislate compassion. We keep trying though, don't we? Just look at Congress or HR departments or school boards. We think if we just pass one more law or add one more line to the policy or create one more consequence, then people will finally act right. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not anti-rule. I want speed limits and boundaries. I want consequences when people cross the line. But here's the tension. Rules run out of gas right where the heart starts. Rules can stop a behavior, but they can't start a passion. Does that make sense? Let's look at something practical. Have you ever wondered why you get such excellent service at Chick-fil-A? I mean, really think about it. It's fast food, it's chicken and waffle fries, it's not some five-star fine dining establishment with white tablecloths, but you pull up and someone is outside in the rain with an iPad saying, My pleasure. You walk in, the floor is clean, and a teenager looks you in the eye and says, It's my pleasure to serve you. It feels different, right? Honestly, I've stopped going to other fast food places. I walk in and I don't feel appreciated. I feel like a transaction. I'm not naive. I don't know if every Chick-fil-A employee is sincere every single time. But the environment makes you feel valued. So here's the contrast. At Wire Creative, we had turnover and stepchildren. At Chick-fil-A, people act like they own the place. Same rule book energy maybe, but a completely different outcome. Is Chick-fil-A perfect? No, of course not. Systems can be gamed and people can fake it for a while, but you can walk into a hundred businesses with the same rule book and get a hundred different experiences. Why? Because the rule book doesn't serve the chicken. People do. When people feel valued, they transfer that value to the customer. When they feel like a cob, they treat you like a number. It's a cycle. So what did we actually do about it at Wire after that conversation with the CEO? After we sat in the pane and Mr. Wire asked what we were going to do, I created a campaign. I heard his heart and I realized his passion wasn't just for upper management, it was for the whole company. We just had to bridge the gap. I knew they were capable of reaching our production goals, even if they didn't always hit them. So I set a new rule. If we could reach our production goals in the first 45 minutes of the hour, we'd take a break for the last 15. You wouldn't believe it. There was never an hour where we didn't make that goal. They wanted those 15 minutes. They'd go drink coffee, talk, or just relax. It changed the entire work environment. It wasn't just work anymore. It was a game. They started having competitions between teams to see who could produce the most leads in those 45 minutes. Team leaders rose up naturally. They motivated their teams because they loved those breaks just as much as anyone else did. I also told Mr. Wire I wanted to create t-shirts for us to wear on Fridays to show unity. He offered to buy them, but I said no. I wanted the employees to buy them and any profit would go to charity. I wanted them to have ownership. I wanted them to feel like they were part of something bigger than a production line. And it worked. He created an environment for me where I no longer felt like I was at work. It was a community. Now wait a minute, let's pivot. I used to do sales and I had a manager who would tell me, Charles, you gotta create pain on the table. I didn't get it at first. She'd say, Go find a problem, then come tell me what it is, and I'll take it from there. She was right. We've highlighted the problem today. We've found the pain, the turnover, the cold hallways, the difference between a transaction and a relationship. But if I just show you the pain and never give you the cure, I've failed you. If you're driving your truck right now and thinking, Pastor Howes, what is love? You keep saying you can't legislate it, but you're speaking a foreign language to me. Let me tell you what I mean. Love isn't a feeling or a song, and it definitely isn't a policy in a handbook. Love is this it's giving value before you get results. It's choosing to see people before you use people. It's doing for one what you wish you could do for everyone. So, what does that look like on a Monday morning? It looks like catching somebody doing something right instead of waiting to catch them doing something wrong. It looks like learning the name of the new guy and asking about his kids. It looks like giving those 15 minutes because you trust them, instead of timing their bathroom breaks because you don't. It looks like saying my pleasure even when you don't feel like it because you're building a culture, not just a ticket. Think about the people who actually shaped your life. I mean really shaped you. It probably wasn't the person who had authority over you. It was the person who had affection for you. There's a massive difference between the two. It was the teacher who bought you lunch when your family couldn't, even though she wasn't required to. It was the coach who showed up to your court date when nobody else did. That wasn't in his contract, was it? No. It was the boss who paid for your mama's funeral because he cared, not because HR told him to. It was the neighbor who mowed your yard when things were falling apart. Nobody made them do it. They wanted to. That's the thing about love. It gets out of people with obligation never could. I've seen this in churches too. We've got bylaws and constitutions and Robert's rules of order. I've seen churches with tight rule books and ice cold hallways, but I've also seen storefront churches with folding chairs where people would take a bullet for each other. The difference wasn't the policy, it was the people. It wasn't force, it was love. Let that sit with you for a second. It wasn't force. So here's the tension I want you to wrestle with this week. If you're a leader, a parent, a boss, or a coach, stop asking, how do I make them? Instead, start asking, how do I move them? You can't demand trust, but you can be trustworthy. You can't demand respect, but you can be respectable. You can't demand loyalty, but you can be loyal first. And you sure can't demand love, but you can give it freely and see what happens. When love is real and genuine, it does things rules never will. I don't know where you're hearing this today. Maybe you're running a crew and you're frustrated because they're doing the bare minimum. Maybe you're in a struggling marriage. Maybe you're leading a team with plenty of policies but absolutely no passion. Hold on to this. You can't legislate the outcome you want, but you can cultivate the relationship that produces it. What is legislated might change behavior, but what is loved, that is what changes hearts. Did you hear that? What is love changes hearts. If this hits you today, don't just nod your head. Do something with it. Think of one person you've been trying to manage. Decide to move them instead. Buy the lunch, make the call, show up to the thing they care about, learn their name, give them the 15 minutes. Rules tell people what you expect, but love shows people what they're worth. I want to hear from you. If you've got a story about a time when love did what rules couldn't, please share it. Leave a comment or send me a message. Your story might be the very thing that cracks someone else's heart open. Who knows, maybe your story ends up in a future episode. Thanks for hanging with me for season one, episode three of The Tension Where Truth Lives. I'm Pastor Howes, and I am so glad we spent this time together.