WHAT’S AT THE CENTER?

Life is rarely 50/50. Sometimes we give more than we receive. Sometimes we carry others, and sometimes we need someone to carry us. But what happens when you’re overlooked, disappointed, or asked to give in a place where you didn’t receive what you thought you deserved?

In this episode, we pull up a chair and have an honest conversation about giving, receiving, relationships, work, ambition, boundaries, and what it means to live a centered life. This isn’t preaching—it’s a conversation. What’s at the center of the life you’re living?

#TheTensionWhereTruthLives #WhatsAtTheCenter #PastorCharlesHowse #PullUpAChair #CenteredLife #GivingAndReceiving #LifeInTheTension #Podcast #LetsContinueTheConversation

Transcript

Copy Transcript Copied

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to the tension where truth lives. Before we get into today's conversation, I want to invite you to do something simple. Pull up a chair. Because this isn't preaching. I'm not standing behind a pulpit and you're not sitting in a pew. We're sitting at the same table, asking questions, looking at life from different sides, and trying to find the truth somewhere in the tension. You don't have to agree with everything I say. You don't have to come from where I come from. You may have spent your whole life in church, or you may never step inside one. There's still a seat for you at this table. So wherever you're listening from, at work, in the car, at home, maybe just trying to make sense of life like the rest of us, pull up a chair. I'm Pastor Charles Howes, and this is The Tension Where Truth Lives. Let's have a conversation. The Tension Where Truth Lives, Season 1, Episode 17, What's at the Center? Have you ever applied for a promotion you knew you were qualified for, only to find out the company decided to go in another direction? They hire somebody from outside the company, and then a few days later somebody walks over to you and says, We need you to train them. Now hold on. I wasn't qualified enough to get the job, but apparently I'm qualified enough to teach somebody else how to do it. Let's sit there for a minute because I imagine somebody listening to me right now has lived some version of that story. Maybe it wasn't a promotion. Maybe you poured into somebody who eventually passed you. Maybe you opened a door for somebody who later acted like they opened it themselves. Maybe you trained somebody who eventually became your supervisor. Maybe you gave somebody your knowledge, your contacts, your experience, your time. And when the opportunity came around, somebody else got the seat. So here's the question: what do you do? Do you train them? Do you give them everything you know? Do you give them just enough to get by? Do you secretly hope they fail? And before we get too spiritual about this, let's be human. It hurts. You can be a good person and still be disappointed. You can want somebody else to succeed and still believe the decision was wrong. You can be professional and still drive home thinking that should have been me, and maybe that's where our conversation needs to begin today. Not with whether you're right or wrong, not with whether they were right or wrong, but with a different question. What's at the center? What's at the center of the way you respond when life doesn't give you what you believe you've earned? I've spent most of my life studying scripture and walking with Jesus, and I'm still learning. Recently, I found myself thinking about something I thought I understood, giving. I've always understood Jesus primarily as a giver. He gave his time, he gave compassion, he gave healing, he gave wisdom, he gave forgiveness, he gave himself. And I started thinking about that familiar statement, it is more blessed to give than to receive. That's Acts 20, 35. And initially I found myself thinking about Mary pouring that expensive perfume on Jesus, Jesus allowing someone else to give to him. And then I started looking again, and I realized, wait a minute, Jesus received more than I had been thinking about. He received hospitality, he ate at people's tables, people opened their homes to him. Luke tells us that women supported Jesus and his disciples from their own resources. He used Peter's boat. He received the colt. He rode into Jerusalem. He received a room where he could share the Passover meal with his disciples. Jesus was overwhelmingly a giver, but he knew how to receive. That stretched me. Because maybe I've been thinking about giving and receiving as opposites when they're actually parts of a healthy life. And I'm not just talking about money. Please don't hear the word giving and immediately reach for your wallet. You can give somebody money and never give them your attention. You can buy somebody something and never give them your time. You can give advice without giving understanding. You can provide a house without providing presents. You can give people things and still leave them hungry for you. That's where this gets complicated. Because most of us keep some kind of invisible ledger, we probably don't write it down, but we keep it. I did this, I paid for that, I showed up, I called, I helped, I sacrificed, I stayed late, I worked the extra hours, I carried the load. And sometimes the person sitting across from us has a completely different ledger. That's true in corporate America. A company can say, look at everything we provide salary, insurance, retirement, vacation, opportunity. And an employee can look at the exact same relationship and say, Look at everything I'm giving. My evenings, my weekends, my energy, my ideas, my health, time away from my children. Both sides are looking at the same relationship and counting different things. It happens in families. A parent can say, My children never went without anything. And an adult child can say, except you. Now that's uncomfortable because both statements can contain truth. That parent may have worked themselves nearly to death because they love those children, and those children may have experienced the parent's absence because the parent was working themselves nearly to death. Same family, same love, different ledger. It happens in marriages. One person says, look at everything I'm doing. The other person says, but you're not giving me what I need. And that's difficult because sometimes we're both giving everything we know how to give, while both feeling like we're not receiving enough. Maybe the problem isn't always that somebody isn't giving. Maybe sometimes we're counting different things. And that's why I'm becoming careful with the word balance. Because life isn't usually 50-50. Relationships aren't 50-50 every day. Work isn't 50-50. Family isn't 50-50. Sometimes I may have to carry 80 because you've only got 20. Sometimes you've got to carry 90 because I've only got 10. And sometimes we're both exhausted and somehow both of us believe we're carrying 80. So maybe balance isn't about making the numbers equal. Maybe it's about remaining centered when the numbers aren't equal. And for me, that's where the heart enters the conversation. Because I've come to believe you can have open hands without having an open heart. You can give because you want recognition. You can give because you feel guilty. You can give because you want control. You can give because you need to be needed. You can give because you're afraid somebody won't love you if you stop giving. And yes, you can even give so much that eventually you become angry with everybody you're giving to. That's not necessarily generosity. Sometimes that's generosity without boundaries. So here's another question: why do you give? And while we're asking uncomfortable questions, can you receive? Some of us can give all day long. But somebody offers to help us, no, I'm good. Somebody compliments us, we immediately minimize it. Somebody asks, how we're really doing, I'm fine. Somebody wants to carry something for us. No, I got it. And sometimes what looks like strength may actually be our discomfort with vulnerability. Because receiving requires something from us too. It requires us to acknowledge that sometimes I need you, and there's nothing inherently weak about that Jesus received. But here's where I don't want us to lose the other side. Jesus' life still overwhelmingly leaned toward giving. That's important to me, because receiving is healthy, but entitlement isn't. Boundaries are healthy, but selfishness isn't. Generosity is beautiful, but allowing yourself to be exploited isn't. And reciprocity matters, but keeping score can turn every relationship into a transaction. I called you, so you better call me. I helped you, so you owe me. I showed up for you, so now I'm watching to see whether you'll show up for me. That's not always generosity. Sometimes that's an exchange. And there's nothing necessarily wrong with healthy reciprocity. Healthy relationships should have some give and take. But if I only give when I know something is coming back, I have to ask myself again what's at the center, and maybe that's the question underneath this entire conversation. Not how much did you give, not how much did you receive, not even was everything balanced, but what's at the center of the life you're living? What's at the center of your ambition? What's at the center of your generosity? What's at the center of your boundaries? What's at the center of your disappointment? What's at the center when somebody else gets the promotion? What's at the center when you're asked to train them? Because sooner or later life is going to put all of us in a situation where the numbers don't add up. You're going to give more than you receive. You're going to receive something you didn't earn. You're going to need somebody. Somebody is going to need you. You're going to be overlooked. You're going to be celebrated. You're going to carry somebody. And eventually you're going to need somebody to help carry you. For me, Jesus gives me a picture of what it means to remain centered through all of it. He could give without needing applause. He could receive without becoming entitled. He could serve people without surrendering every boundary. He could withdraw when he needed to. He could sit at somebody else's table. And he could make room at his. Maybe that's why the statement doesn't say receiving is wrong. It says, it is more blessed to give than to receive. There's room for both. But the heart ultimately bends toward generosity. So maybe today the question isn't simply, are you a giver? Maybe the question is bigger. When you give, when you receive, when you win, when you're overlooked, when you're carrying 80, when you only have 20 to give, what's at the center? Because eventually, what's in the center of us finds its way into everything around us our work, our relationships, our families, our leadership, our generosity, our boundaries, even the way we handle disappointment. So maybe the goal isn't a perfectly balanced life. Maybe the goal is a centered life. And for me, Christ is still the center. You may use different language, you may be somewhere completely different in your journey. That's okay. Pull up a chair. The question still belongs to all of us. What's at the center? This is the tension where truth lives. I'm Pastor Charles Howes. Share this conversation with somebody who might benefit from it. Visit us at the Tension Where Truth Lives and listen wherever you get your podcasts. Let's continue the conversation.