Simp, Saved, or Something Else

SIMPS, SAVED, OR SOMETHING ELSE? — Full Disclosure

Before we examine manhood, relationships, boundaries, sacrifice, and what it means to follow Jesus in 2026, I’m putting myself on the table first.

This is my personal disclosure—what I’ve lived, what I’ve believed, what I’m questioning, and why after 40 years of preaching I’m willing to say, “I don’t have all the answers.”

No gender war. No predetermined conclusions. Just an open Bible, an open heart, and an honest conversation.

Pull up a chair. Let’s continue the conversation.  
Pastor Charles E. Howse Jr
 The Tension Where Truth Lives @highlight The Following

Transcript

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I got saved when I was 18. That is where my story as a man really starts. Not because I didn't exist before that, but because, from that moment forward, almost everything I learned about being a man, I learned while trying to learn how to follow Jesus. And if I am going to be honest about the good, I have to be honest about the bad too. At least I do. I have loved deeply. I have lived hard. I have given, I have supported, I have provided, I have stayed when it was difficult, I have forgiven when it cost me something, and I have failed, I have disappointed people, I have made mistakes. I have made decisions I look back on now and wish I had done differently. I have hurt people without meaning to. I have let people down even when I was trying to do my best. I am not perfect. I have never been perfect. I don't want anyone to think I am. I had a friend years ago named Basil. He was very good to me and very generous to my ministry. He was from New York City, and he moved to a rural area to get away from the hustle and bustle. He was a retired dentist who developed Tourette's later in life. Basil truly loved me. One day he looked at me and said, Pastor Howes, you could never be a con man. I know con men, I am from New York City. I said, What do you mean? He said you make too many mistakes. Con men don't make mistakes, con men have to present themselves perfectly. I never forgot that. I told you that story to say I am not a con man, as Paul and Bonnie used to say, we are just men, I am just a man, I have gotten some things right and I have gotten some things wrong. And I am learning that both of those can be true at the same time. I have two daughters. And about five years ago I was driving my van here in Nashville, and I picked up five young college men headed downtown. Bright guys, well dressed, well spoken, excited to be here. I wasn't bothered that young men wanted to meet young women. I have been young. I understand that. What bothered me was how they talked about them. There was not much respect in it, not much tenderness, not much thought that these were somebody's daughters. I am not accusing them of a crime. I don't know what happened after they got out of my van. I am just telling you what I heard sitting behind that wheel, and what I heard bothered me because I have two daughters, and I thought, is this how men talk about my daughters when I am not around? Is this what we are teaching our sons? That moment stayed with me. I couldn't shake it. After that, I started hearing things I had never paid attention to before. Words like simp, alpha, beta, high value. I had never used those words, I didn't even know what they meant. At first it sounded like slang, then I started listening underneath it, and I heard pain. I heard men talking about rejection, about divorce, about custody, about money, about loneliness, about giving too much and feeling used, about being ignored, about being told they were not enough even after they gave everything they had. And I know some people hear that and immediately want to argue. I didn't. I heard pain, real pain. I don't agree with every conclusion that comes out of that pain. I don't agree with everything that gets taught in those spaces. But pain that is not heard doesn't stop hurting. It just finds someone else who will listen. And someone else did listen. Other voices showed up. Social media showed up, algorithms showed up, and they started answering questions that a lot of us were not answering. What makes a man valuable? When does generosity become foolishness? When does patience become weakness? How do you keep someone from making a fool out of you? Those are human questions. They deserve better than being mocked. They deserve to be talked about honestly. I am not up here with all the answers tonight. I have lived long enough to know that sometimes maturity is not having every answer. Sometimes maturity is being secure enough to say I don't know. I don't know where every part of this goes. Maybe I got some things right. Maybe I got some things wrong. Maybe some things I believed were biblical, and some things were just cultural, and some things came from my wounds, and some things came from wisdom. Maybe several of those things can be true at the same time. That is where I am. I am a man who has loved God since I was 18. I am a man who has failed and disappointed and made mistakes and who has also loved and given and tried. I am a man who has two daughters and who thinks about what kind of men are coming up behind me. I am a man who has been hurt and who has hurt others. I am a man who is trying to figure out how to be strong without becoming hard, how to love without losing myself, how to have boundaries without becoming bitter, how to stay tender without being foolish. I don't want to fight about men versus women. I am tired of that. I want to figure out what is true and what heals. I don't want to become someone who is angry to protect myself. I also don't want to be someone who loses himself trying to be liked. I want to follow Jesus. And I am learning that Jesus was gentle and he was not weak. He served and he could say no. He forgave and he could walk away. He loved without losing who he was. That is what I want. So whoever is hearing this in the stratosphere somewhere, if you have ever loved until you lost yourself, I understand a little bit. If you have ever given until you were empty, I understand a little bit. If you have ever failed and wished you could do it over, I understand that too. If you have ever been called weak because you were kind, I understand a little bit. If you have become hard because you were tired of getting hurt, I understand that too. I don't have a three point answer for you tonight. I just wanted to be honest about what is on my mind this morning. And if you have pain, it is okay. I have had pain too, and maybe we can keep talking.