Mystic Marion Ep. 9: Disappointment + Witness Alchemy

HOLY SH*T! We went IN. There were tears… NON STOP BREAKS, just to make this last episode. If you like to hear people unravel, breakdown, talk, and share REAL LIFE, CURRENT REALITY. Then you KNOW you are in the right place. 

Grab your favorite bev, maybe some tea 🫖? Or is this hot pot of tea I’m about to spill only require empty tea cup for me to gladly fill? I am in fact the MAD HATTER today 🐇🍵☕️

Let’s release the resistance and let that STUFF GO, together! 

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Good morning. Um, today is a bit of a different kind of reflection. I feel like I need a deep breath, so in through my nose, out through my mouth. I'm waking up around 8 39 a.m. today, and today's topic is going to be about disappointment. Because I'm disappointed. And does that mean I'm mad? No, not at all. But it does mean that I have not received something that I want. And I think that every soul could agree that they've been to this type through this type of journey. Now, I'm gonna tell you a little bit about my story, and we're gonna get a little personal because I think it's important um to know what my experience internally is, what my experience is, how I'm experiencing it, and how it feels. And then I want to walk you through how things that are out of your control, how others, you have to leave it up to others' free will, and you also have to leave it up to the universe and God to move the earth and to move situations to raise a vibration. And a lot of me was thinking, okay, maybe things aren't happening right now because you know, um spiritual law says that if one or three are gathered, right? And I usually like to count that as yourself, your soul, and God. That's already like three. So I used I usually like to believe that your prayers are already answered, singular, right? Just by you being you. You have your soul, you have your individual body, then you have the Holy Spirit or whatever you connect with, your holy guide. So your answers are being prayered. How is it that the negative things in life happen quicker than the good things that you requested? And I asked that to the Holy Spirit because I'm I'm I was disappointed. You know, I had some some things lined up that I really needed to happen, and I'm still living this human existence. And it does that mean that my life is gonna be perfect? Absolutely not. I have my own responsibilities, I have my own hurdles. So you could you could kind of see it as someone who is um just accepting the reality given, but also trying to elevate this experience for myself, right? Because I have a realization, have I had an awakening experience during the blue full moon. Um, and that's when I birthed this podcast, this podcast suite, pea pod, and created it. I created it with no money in my bank account. I created it while I was struggling mentally. I created it while I was trying to fill out ADA paperwork in California uh for my own mental health while I was stretching myself thin by trying to um find a way because my mom's FMLA ran out, which is a family medical leave. The time for that ran out. So, you know, I needed to figure out okay, how am I gonna take care of myself and my mom? And then the person who was uh handling my case for um leave, intermittent leave, she was gracious enough to suggest, hey, did you know that ADA is a thing? So she opened up a resource for me in which needed to go to a different department, and this girl didn't care so much because she had vacations lined up. And I know this because, of course, I'm a medium and I do all the right steps. I'm very, very organized. So we have this situation where I'm doing the right thing, right? I'm following the paperwork, I'm meeting with the doctors, I'm you know, having to sometimes wait because you know, I can't work and handle what I'm going through in life at the same time, and let me tell you a little bit what's about what's going on. So I work in an office, right? My job could be 100% remote, okay? I work in customer service, I'm on a phone, and as you know, with technology, you're on a phone, you're on Zoom calls, you're constantly just taking phone calls and helping people. That's what I do. That's what I do on in the in the daytime from nine to five. Okay, that's what I do, and then of course, back-to-back calls, right? Just like taking calls, taking calls, taking calls. I always, always, always, and anybody could attest to this, who's ever worked with me, make sure everyone has the same exact, kind, and amazing experience. Of course, every conversation is a case-by-case basis, but every single person I talk to, guaranteed, is happy or leaves this conversation better than it came. I disarm people so much, let me tell you, I disarm people so much to the point, sorry, the pups came in. They were scratching the door. Um, I just you could feel the disappointment in my voice, and you could feel the rat like how heated I'm getting. Yes. Disappointment. Let's recenter, dig a deep breath. The reason why, and I'm gonna be doing things because obviously I can get I can't get a moment right now. I just can't. Dogs need to go out. Got two, right? Two little pups in my life. See them as my children. And then I have my mom. She has liver disease. Yep. We don't know how long she's gonna live. She doesn't know. She begs. This is this is real shit, okay? I'm not like fucking sorry. I have to like calm myself because I'm so disappointed right now. But um my mom and if I if I cry or if I break down, please understand it's coming from a human space.

SPEAKER_01 8:23

To die every day, that's what I see, and I show up because I need to, because I need to be there for my mom. And I need to I need to uplift her spirits, and I need this time to be there.

SPEAKER_00 8:48

So, what are my disappointments? They always come in three. Okay. Back in 2017, my disappointments were this. My mom got in a car accident with my car, it was a brand new car. She didn't tell me at the time that she got a stroke and crashed. And this was back in 2017, December. And I didn't understand. I just remember being so angry. And then I had to talk to them. At the time I was working for Louis Vuitton, I had to talk to them. I didn't understand that ADA was a thing. I don't even think it was a thing yet. About my mental health, I was unraveling a lot. And so that was one. Number two, she almost died. You know, we went to a Christmas party in Sacramento, and then my mom, I woke up, my mom and my dad were gone because they had to go to their emergency room because my mom almost died. And then, like, we couldn't pay the rent for my apartment at the time. So I've experienced eviction, I've experienced resistance, I've experienced hardship. But this was my awakening, okay. This was like um 2017, right? So I was so in like a spot where I was just drowning, and it came in three, right? Car accident. Oh, yeah. And by the way, I got sick. I got the flu. And this was during December, January. Sorry, my boyfriend came over to kiss me because I have to make this, and I have to record this, and I have to share this because I need to know that my trajectory of life is for something and not nothing.

SPEAKER_01 11:07

So this is gonna be a very different reflection. Because I am feeling disappointment right now, and I'm actually breaking down today after just not trying to be a victim every day, trying to help people.

SPEAKER_00 11:29

Yesterday I tried to help somebody get a job. And yesterday I went to Cornerstone, a fellowship. That I basically sorry, they're doing construction outside, and like there's a lot of noise going on, but I don't care. I'm gonna fucking keep doing this because I need to, and I'm gonna fucking roll. The Cornerstone uh church. We went on Friday, yesterday, because we need help with our rent, and I was sure of it. I planned everything. I talked to somebody in January, I talked to a volunteer in January, they were gonna help us. We went through an unlawful detainer because of my mom's situation right now. It's happening. Why is this happening again? And I always ask myself this because you know, we're also asking in a global sense, why is this happening again? You're probably gonna hear a windblower thing because they're fixing the outside, but again, we're gonna keep going despite distractions, because I think that's also the goal, right? Disappointment. Okay, it happens, it happens, and it happens heavily, and it happens, and it breaks you down and it makes you want to give up, but please don't what happened eventually? It always happens when I have to fight for my mental health, so let me be frank with you, not mystic very frank, but let me be honest with you. I have been misdiagnosed throughout my whole entire journey. I've had been diagnosed when I had Kaiser ignorantly with bipolar disorder. And I challenged it because I was like, you know what? Yeah, sure, bipolar disorder that does kind of track with how I've been acting, but also I was on drugs, so maybe that and also I like stopped doing Zoloft um abruptly because I don't know, I didn't even taper off. This is during the time, let's go back to that time. That time was 2007 when I had a still birth. Oh, some of you don't know that. This is a good topic for um her body, her choice, okay. So, again, I have so many stories I could tell you. So many human, real stories I could tell you, and how much disappointment I have faced in my life. How many times I've cried, how many times I've victimized myself, but I still get up, and I'm known for this. I'm like a cat with seven lives. I still get up and I make it better than before. Because I'm a creator, all right? And I'm a manifester, and I make people feel good while I'm doing it, and that's the power of love. That's the power of God. 2017. I got evicted from my home. My mom was going in the hospital. I had to take time off of work. I got laid off, actually. They say quote unquote laid off because they technically couldn't fire somebody that couldn't show up to work because you know my mom was technically dying at the time. This is 2017, and now this is happening again. 2022 in Tesla, it was my own mental health. I didn't know that I could take time for my own mental health, and that's when I found out that I was majorly depressed. I saw a psychiatrist, and then they said, Okay, you have anxiety, you're majorly depressed. And, you know, you have been for a long time. And then at that time, I was like, oh my god, that explains everything. Um, so yeah. When I was younger, uh, everyone begged my parents to get me a diagnosis for ADHD because I couldn't pay attention. I was held back twice in elementary because I couldn't pay attention, okay? And then um, yeah, fast forward. The reason why I need to tell you all of these things is it's the setbacks that has kept me from moving forward, and this is still the setbacks that I'm facing, and yes, it hurts, and I cry because it still hurts, it's still disappointing, it's still heartbreaking, and it pisses me off. The whole thing about the world happening and the things in Palestine and things in the Congo and Nigeria, just like the world falling apart, and it doesn't need to, it really doesn't need to. So I had a dream last night, and I really want to talk about it too, because I feel like everything's kind of coming out right now, and I'm in a emotional space, yes, sure, but I you know the different thing about this is I want to talk to you about it because what better way as a spiritual guide to come on here and show you that it's not a perfect process? It's not, and it can't, it can't be when we start giving everyone what they need and what they want. The thing that's getting in each other's way is the resistance. What is the fucking resistance about? What is the blocks for? Why do you not why do you want control so fucking much to the point where you can't just give people what they need? And there is a group of people buying into this reality, buying into this reality that they need control in order for them to feel good, but yet they sit alone at night with their billions and dollars of money, or it could not some of them aren't really like billionaires, you know. Like, I think my dream was really trying to show me this. So I dreamt that I was living in this like three-story building, and the bottom was a care facility for very, very sensitive souls, older souls trying to transition, kind of like hospice, and then you had like an elevator, right? And that took you up to another floor, which is on the way top, and it was an office space. And the second floor you had uh a living space, communal living space for for everyone that sh needed to be in this facility. The facility was meant to be free, it was meant to be a resource for people if they didn't have anywhere to go, or if they hadn't if they wanted to volunteer their free will, they can. And there were so many people that came and they came to work and they came excited, and all of a sudden there was one person, and I have a feeling that this particular soul is somebody that's in my arena of business, but this particular soul has a lot of work to do because this particular soul likes to surveillance things, and this particular soul likes to have control over things, and this particular soul likes to snitch on people. I am not kidding. This particular soul likes to snitch on people and likes to be like, oh, you know what? Um actually they like to do that to people, and you know how annoying people are when they act like that, right? Everyone has one in their freaking office, someone that's like, mmm, actually, and they're like, you don't even know what you're talking about. I already did A, B, and C. Like, leave me the fuck alone. Micromanagers. Something I loathe in this life, micromanaging. Fucking hate it. Don't do it to me. Do not micromanage me. It's the most wasted piece of time you can do to me, to yourself, to anybody. Don't micromanage. Fucking remove it. It doesn't make sense, it causes resistance, it doesn't make things flow, and not only that, it restricts blessings, it restricts loves. Because every time you say, Hey, you know what? Actually, actually, um, Paige, bleep bleep bleep blee blee. You can't do bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep blee. Shut the fuck up. Nobody cares, you know, like let people do what they need to do. That's what I'm trying to say. Stop causing resistance, not only to yourself, but to other people. Be the bridge that helps people get what they want and to go where they need to go. Because we have tons of souls doing the right thing day by day, showing up for themselves, showing up for this country, showing up for their families, showing up for their friends. Showing up for you, showing up for me, being the example that they need to be, and not micromanaging people, not giving a fuck what other people have to do. Just focusing on the work that needs to be done right now. And here are those fucking brown nosers in these neighborhoods, in these workspaces, in these like fucking weird spaces that like to go, that person's having a good time. I need to stop that. Like, fuck you. Seriously. Like, I know. And God's working on me. And it he's working on me. Because girl, I'll fight. I'll fight somebody. And I have a track record of fighting somebody and kicking their ass and going, you know, getting detained. So yes. Bitch, I am 100% human. Through and through. You can feel it. You can feel it. You can feel me. I'm tangible. I'm not I'm not a figment of your imagination. The things that you say about me that are not so nice. The things, the ways that you try to stop me from doing what I need to do. The things that you want to keep me from. You know what I mean? Like, I feel it. I feel it. And it hurts. Because as I'm here trying to change the world, trying to do something that's good for my mental health, the reason why I'm even here is that I can talk and I don't have to spend money seeing a therapist. Because I know the ins and outs of how this world works. Through history, through science, through hit like through human behavior, through religion, through my gifts as a medium. Like I just know how this work world works. And I know that there's somebody in the inside that's trying to keep me from getting to where I need to be because they think it's unfair that oh, she gets to work from home, but we can't. You can do the work. Sorry, you're not your mom's not dying. Like, what do you want from me? Like, do you want me to just stop like what I'm doing? Just so I can be in your beck and call? So I can do your nails and talk to you? No, I need to do the things I need to do. And does that mean I'm going to be stagnant while this happens? No, I'm not. I need to breathe. This is a Venn session, honestly. This reflection is kind of like a VEN session because the dream, going back to it, it basically told me and how I felt because I was I wrote down in my journal after the disappointment. First of all, first is the disappointment that I'm feeling right now. It's just the rejection of my ADAD. ADA. Um, I got a letter from um this company that is third party that works for my uh my company, right? That handles time, you know. I've been very transparent with everybody in the company, you know, even though I didn't have to be. I'm just an open book. I'm not hiding anything. But I let them know what's going on with my mom. Still going on with my mom. If you see my videos, you could see how my mom's skin is like turning gray.

SPEAKER_01 25:42

Like I just what what other evidence do you guys need?

SPEAKER_00 25:47

Like if I had a choice to just just be there for my mom because that time is so precious. And I feel like the relationship my mom and I had wasn't as hold on, sorry, let me just like blow my nose and like fix my face. One sec. Let's breathe. Let me take a second. I just want to thank you guys first. Dang it.

SPEAKER_01 26:28

I keep freaking crying. I want to thank you guys so much for just being here if you're still here. Listening to me fat and cry. This is a part of the disappointment.

SPEAKER_00 26:46

It's just a part of it, okay? But we're gonna be fine. Like, I know we are okay.

SPEAKER_01 26:59

Let's begin. The new disappointment is the ADA, I think.

SPEAKER_00 27:05

So, of course, I took it with grace. Of course, I what moment. I know I keep saying I need to breathe. My energy is so heightened, it's so heightened right now. Okay. It's too early for this, babe. Ah yesterday was such a great day. It was like it was JR's birthday. We began our podcast, he won $10. I was able to surprise him. I had I got him these like huge gold 40, because he turned 40 balloons with the little money that I had left. I looked at my bank account, and it looks like a GPA because all these bills came through, and my money that I was supposed to pay for rent is gone. So, second disappointment was knowing that 100% I was going to receive funding and assistance from this place called Monthly Miracles. I was working with a representative because of the unlawful detainer and settlement case going on with my space today. So this beautiful space that I show you on Instagram all the time could be gone. Yeah. I'm in the verge of almost losing my apartment. That's the truth. And I've been doing everything right, okay. Like I'm not making any money currently doing Mystic Marion. There's no money coming in. There's nothing actually supporting it financially. It's just something that I'm doing because I need it, because I can't afford therapy, and also because I know. And I know that this has been helpful for me but times, times before. Back in 2017, back in two actually, it started in 2007 when I had my first snowbirth. Um actually only had one snowbirth, but you know, 2007, it came in threes there because uh, first of all, I was going through to continuation school. I always I it's not a rule, but I just noticed that in patterns difficult things always come in three. So at the time I had to go to continuation school, um my son stopped kicking, which was one of my favorite things to do with my son. I would wake up and just like put on some classical music and then just put it on my belly. And then, like a couple days, dude, I'm going through it, bro. Like, I would put the headphones on my stomach, and like we would listen to classical music, and I just remember one of the most joyous things that I could experience when I was pregnant was just dancing around my room. Just saying singing to him. That was 2007. I found out that my my baby boy stopped moving in my belly, and I had to go get induced pregnancy. So when I was 17, I found out I was pregnant, I refused to get an abortion. Excuse me. I'm trying to get through this episode, like I'm literally pouring out my heart to you because I need you guys to know my journey and how this has been working for me. When I was 17, when I was 17, actually when I was 16, during the time I was uh, this is where my my Catholic trauma kind of comes from. There was already built-in trauma already when I was this age. But at 12, this is when we were introduced to an evangelistic community in my church. Again, you guys know that I'm Catholic. My nose is so stuffy, it's annoying, but I need to get through the story. Catholic Catholicism. But Bukus Love suggests BLD is a Filipino uh evangelistic church who's basically bringing Christianity to the Catholic religion, so it is a fun way to connect to spirit, connect to source energy, learn your gifts. So, you know, it was an extension, Christian extension of the Catholic Church. So my family was so excited about it. My dad used to take us to different churches when we were younger because we were he was he is still like an openly spiritual person, and my dad um he took us to different churches. Baptist church. We went to a Baptist church for a while, we met some great people there. Um, broken people. I'm old. My dad, his thing was my ministry is to be is the same kind of ministry that I have, which is like just be open and love people. Yes, I'm Catholic, sure, but like it doesn't matter. We can all love each other, we can all mingle with each other, we can learn from each other. Like, that's what my dad taught me and my sisters. So, like, we've always and my dad, oh my gosh, bless my dad's heart because my dad is the most kind um person, and he really follows through with like Jesus' teachings, like two, like you know that teaching that I think is so ridiculous, where it's like if somebody slaps you, give them the other cheek. That's my dad. If you can like find any reading in the Bible, that will be the freaking Bible verse. My dad that explains him. He's just such a good soul, and yes, he's had his his hardships, and he's having a hard time just processing it because he lost 1995, he lost his dad, he's very, very close to his dad. 19 uh 96, my sister passed away, you know, like we've had hardships that he just he feels so much, you know, and it's like just saying the great person my dad is, the the extension of him that I'm becoming, and the legacy that I'm accepting and wanting to carry for him. Hold on. Oh, the human body is so limiting. I hate it sometimes. Yes, I'm being honest today, okay? We're letting all the frustration out. I can't breathe through my nose right now because I've been crying. This is I never really cry. I'm not a crier. Despite my disposition, despite my big type B personality. I'm not a big crier, right? I mean, sometimes like if something's super cute, I'll cry of out of joy. Like most of the times when I cry, it's usually out of joy. But this time it's because of disappointment and it's ugly and it's true, and it's me reflecting back of how I've gotten myself out of these situations before with the prayer of God. Oh, like not prayer of God, but with the partnership of God. And just I know, I know that I'm gonna be taken care of, I know that things are gonna be okay, but I just think that this particular episode needs to be spoken about because we're all experiencing some type of disappointment in our lives in the world. The world is upside down right now because we're giving in to the ideas of other people, we're giving our free will away. And that's what I'm trying to teach. Gain it, get your free will back, babe. Get it back. Start using your resources, start showing up for your sole purpose, and that's part of the work. It's not waiting for somebody. No one's coming. If you watch Send Help, I really recommend that movie. It's really one of my favorite movies. Send Help with a Rachel McAdams. Please, please watch that movie. It is a horror, it is explicit, believe it's R R R-rated, but you know, watch it. Watch it and just receive the message. No one's coming. Okay, no one's coming. God gave us this gift, he left us in the island, and he's counting on us to utilize the resources we've been exercising our whole entire lives. The things that we our souls naturally like know, like he's saying, go use it. And the thing is, excuse me, we can delay the process and we can delay the time something could take to be better by our own holdups. So, say that you do have all of the resources, say you did do all the work, like myself, hair flip, but still, there's disappointment. First question I always ask myself, God, what are you trying to tell me? Actually, let me be frank and not Mystic Marion right now. My real question is WTF, why not? That's always that's actually always my question.

SPEAKER_01 37:36

That's like the first question. God was like, don't lie.

SPEAKER_00 37:41

Like, I know what you're doing question. What the fuck, why not? Because that really is like my question. Like, what the fuck, why not? Um, as you can see, I'm the youngest of my family, I'm very bratty, and I need things to happen now. Like, if I say something, if I do something, like it needs to happen like right now, because I am a deserving of it, and I'm a princess. At least I'd like to be called a princess. But um, yeah, that is the other shadow work that I was doing with my child self. I was really doing a lot of connection with my child self this year, which is great. Um, I'm having a lot of fun, I'm still having a lot of fun. Um, but let me go back to disappointments and the dream and the purpose, right? So, monthly miracles that fell through. A resource to prevent homelessness. Monthly miracles, I I I know you probably do a lot of therapy, like you're helping a lot of people. I get it, I totally get it. But girl, fix your phone number. It says that you meet on Fridays at 12 o'clock. We went over to Cobra Cornerstone, bitch, 9 to 11, and they were like, they ended up for the day, they started at 9. I was like, they need to change that, and y'all know you need to change that. So, anyways, I go to this church, I'm like, oh, this is cute. You know what I mean? It's not my community, but you know, like I love any place, any space that helps people heal, that helps people get the resources they they want. I think that's a beautiful thing. I'm not being sarcastic. I'm really, like, genuinely, I really think this. So, um, yeah, we go there, we meet some amazing gals, and like the first thing I want to do is volunteer. But they're like, that's so sweet, but you know, you have to be a part of this community, and I'm like, oh, that's fair, but you know, I'm down to go into a service and like check it out, but it's cool that you guys are doing it. That's another thing. If people want to help, just let people help. Like, I just like can't understand the resistance that we put on on people like that want to do good, though that are good intentional people. Yeah, you can blame it on other people that have fucked it up for everybody else, but honestly, it's not the future's fault. Right. That person is going to take responsibility for whatever um avue they're taking. But it has nothing to do with you and your journey. Right? It has nothing to do with me. I know that for sure. My days are yes, working on my mental health by doing these podcasts, yes, working on my mental health by working with my doctor, yes, doing working on my mental health by doing something good for myself, yes, helping my mom, being there for my mom, uplifting her spirits because she's very, very much in a dark space right now. She's begging every fucking day to die because she's in pain. Because I don't know if any of you have gone through dialysis and what that does to your body. Kidney disease. I'm sure, like, a surprising part. I'll take my mom to this is gonna make me like so like emotional again. I'll take my mom to like dialysis, right? And like, I'll see young people my age, maybe younger, attached to that fucking machine, just like their fluids outside of their body going like shit, like are you kidding me? This is like the experiences that we have chosen, and also sometimes we don't choose. Excuse me. Sometimes we don't choose. I gotta get us to a point, right? I've experienced disappointment today. But I'm not gonna let that stop me from being joyful. I'm not gonna let that stop me from being happy. I'm not gonna let that stop me from answering questions, I'm not gonna let that stop me from the work that I need to do. But I am gonna take the time that I need in order to reflect and unravel the way that I need to unravel. And sure, like I need help. It's the hardest thing to ask for for me because I'm usually the one answering the questions, and to ask has been always I think the Holy Spirit's way of like telling me, like, hey, you got to ask, you got to move, you got to make sure that you're showing up, that you're doing the right thing, that you're helping other people in their journey too. Because this world needs it. This world needs guidance, this world needs an example that can help them get to where they need to be. So no matter what you're going through, I just hope that you can believe in the good and just keep going with that because it gets hard. It does get hard, and sometimes it comes in threes. If you've ever experienced something, and if you could if you can relate to the the rule of three of building transition or like hardship to transition to Success. Then please, you know, call it that. Let me know what you're going through. Let's work on it together. You know? Let's figure it out together. Because the day doesn't end because you have one a bad day, right? The day still continues. And you still have to make a choice. And the choice is always going to be joy. The choice is always going to be happiness. The joy is always going to be feel what I feel right now. And that's fine. Unravel if you have to. Take a day. And then do what you need to do. I want to raise the vape vibration so bad. I want to change the world so bad. Because I know that all we have to do is just love each other. Give each other what we need. Stop being the block to somebody's blessing. Stop doing that. If you see somebody that's thriving, that's doing well, that is flowing, they didn't get it so easily. Don't look at it from the outside perspective. Look at it from like, yo, they did the work. Good for them. Can't we celebrate the amazingness that people are experiencing on a regular basis and see that as the thing to pay attention to and not the pain? It's important not to be led by your disappointments. Be led or your jealousy or your sizing up or your comparisons. Be the blessing in somebody else's life by congratulating them. By letting them know they're doing a good job with the resources that they have. Instead of making it so difficult for somebody that's going through something heavy. Notice that people are going through something on a regular basis. And that's another thing that just boggles my mind. Is that the company that I work for, I thought understands, but of course, you're gonna have people in the shadows watching you and try to stop you. And try to say, oh, she's not really she's trying to get a what up on us and do some bullshit. Like, honestly, like I'm not trying to play no games with nobody. Alright. I'm like almost 40. Like, what are we doing? I am not trying to do that with you. I'm not trying to, you know, be lazy when I do my job. If you see my worth ethic because you have full access to my screen, because I know that micromanaging is some people's favorite thing to do, other downtime, which is so fucking sick. I don't like it. Not in a good way. Bad way. I hate micromanaging. I think it's the most toxic thing anybody can ever do. But um, the leaders at my job have the ability to look at our screens when we're clocked in, and I'll immediately just like be idle for a second because I have to like think because I have ADHD. So like I'll need to like stretch and think for the answer or like do things like that, you know, like things that you're not gonna be able to do in the office because it's kind of embarrassing. So I'll immediately get like five different like chats. Are you okay? Are you okay? Are you okay? What's going on? You've been idle, you've been idle. Like, get the fuck off my back. Seriously. This is not helping. This is keeping me from me having to answer your question of like, what are you doing? Why are you idle? Five fucking times while I'm trying to just relax and ease into the understanding of what has been asked and the process that it's going to take to answer this person's question. Like, imagine. I'm sure some of you can. I'm sure some of you can. And you just like making an excuse, and you just like say, Oh, yeah, that was a part of life. Like, yeah, you should just get with it. No, I'm not gonna get with it. This is something we need to change. This is ridiculous. What are we doing? Clinging onto people's backs like that. It's weird. That is a weird behavior that we need to freaking eliminate. Why are we fact-checking people? Why are we Why are we not giving people the benefit of the doubt? Why are we not assuming positive intent when that's all we preach all day? Assume positive intent because you want that, right? You want somebody to assume positive intent with you because your intentions are good. So why not give that to the next person? I just don't understand. I don't understand the logic. I don't understand why we get in each other's way, and we need to start working to stop getting in each other's way, release the resistance. And that doesn't only mean for you, it means for everyone around you at at work, at you know, your neighborhood church, at your friends' groups, your family. Stop getting in each other's way. Accept support. Agree to disagree, love unconditionally, unconditionally, assume positive intent. And the person receiving this, receive it with grace. Be thankful. Gratitude. Show up for that person who gave you what you needed, who gave you what you wanted. Show up in a way that is respectful, that is still workable for everyone involved. Because it's not like you don't want to show up, you're just having a hard time right now, and that's fine. But advocate for yourself, tell people what you need, communicate, which I feel like I I I always do. I always like communicate with you guys, so like I don't understand how this is happening, this disappointment of my ADA getting rejected, my uh home, like the money not coming in for my home, even though I've done all of the paperwork, I've talked to all the right people, but they didn't show up for me. They didn't show up for me. Whoa! This is a global thing. This is not just happening to me, this is happening to many people. The people of Palestine have been trying their best to do the right thing for years, trying to be heard for years, and yet here they are experiencing genocide to be faced with genocide from a country that's just like, yeah, this is this is what we need to do to gain control. No, you don't. No, you don't, you don't need to do that. There is plenty of creative ways to figure out a problem that if you get me into give me the freaking logistics. Give me the logistics, give me the information, I'll figure it out for you. Trust. Or maybe not trust. People, every time I say like trust me, people are like, shut up. I don't trust you right now, you know, because there's no disappointment, but they're like, But I'm here to help, okay? I'm here to help. I'm angry, I'm fired up. There's a need. I've ignited a need, and I'm going to create a solution. And I'm going to fight this. I'm gonna fight this because I'm a fighter, and I don't stop until the right thing is done. And I think that is why I chose to be a Virgo because we are so we got list, we got receipts, we got email tracking, we got screenshots, we got all the things to make sure that things are done correctly and with respect and dignity to the individual. I should have been a lawyer. I kind of wanted to dabble in it. Um, I could probably still pursue it. But uh yeah. I am going through it today. It might take a day just to cry and you know, do the usual human thing in order for me to get to a space where I can be very confident and very power to the people. But thank you so much for listening to me. Thank you so much for listening to my story. Um, yes, currently it is hard. It is hard. I will revisit the whole story with me as a young teenage mom. I'll I'll I'll let you guys know that story at some point. If you guys want to hear about that, let me know. Comment, comment the big three. Uh I always call it the big three, like it usually comes at three. So right now the theme is trying to keep the apartment, trying to change the world, and having enough of the resources to do that, energetic resources. So if you have, you know, any ability or capability to um help out with any donation to save Marion's apartment, please do. Or if you want to. It's sweet. It's very sweet for you guys to give me the resources, but babe, I already got them. Like, I already, I already went through. The thing about me is like I'm always dude, you gotta get you guys gotta watch Send Help. I'm a lot like Rachel McAdams' character. Yeah. I'm probably like exactly like her character, except for I wouldn't keep people on an island because I feel that was weird, but um, I wouldn't do that. But I definitely would, you know, just keep being kind, keep showing up, and just keep doing the thing that I need to do in order for me to like get through, get through, get through. So I'm gonna continue to do that despite, you know the hurdles and the situations, and I see the opportunity and I will explore it and I will understand it to the point where I could negotiate. So that is the plan. That's the plan. And I just want to say thank you so much for listening to me. I'm still a first general generation Filipino woman living with depression and possibly bipolar disorder. I told them to remove it from my file. I'm like, I'm not, I'm not claiming that. I don't think I'm bipolar, but you know, apparently some doctor that saw me break down and cry when I was going through a hard time, like just like lost my child, uh, and like saw it held his dead body in my hands at age 18. Like, come on. That was my big celebration. You're 18! Here, hold your dead baby. Like crickets, crickets. My um, my jokes are very, very like morbid sometimes. Sorry if it shocks some of you guys. But yeah. Fuck. You know what I mean? I've been through a lot. Ugh. Just this thing, this is life and it's beauty, but this doesn't have to be. Doesn't have to be. I am determined to find a way that we give each other what we want. And I'm gonna continue giving people what they want. Because that's me. I will have boundaries, I will be mindful, I will remember what you bring to the table and how you bring it. I'll know who you are. So if you're one of those people saying I'm full of shit. Because I hear it. I do. Oh, this girl's full of shit. Right? Okay, okay. That is not a vengeful, okay. That is, I see you. I do. And I think you need to work on yourself and mind your own business. And as for micromanaging, if you've experienced micromanaging in your whole life and that's the reason why you're micromanaging me, explore that. I think you need to explore it for yourself. And I think you need to alchemize your experiment experience. Because you trying to bring hurdles into other people's realities by being in control. Yet saying something completely different. Oh, always assume a positive intent. Advocate for yourself. Tell us what you need. Okay. I'm telling you what I need. I need you to back the fuck up with the micromanaging. Number one. And I need you to actually do your job and read the information that it was provided. Back and front. And then read the California laws. And then I need you to read the whole entire handbook. No, not the updated one. What did you guys write in 2025? And then what did you update after I brought this up? Because I noticed that stuff. I'm not stupid. Anyways, I'm gonna stop being petty mayonnaise right now. Cause I'm in a space. Your girl's in a space, it's in a vulnerable space, it's in a very human space, and I just want you to see this is what we deal with on a regular basis: disappointment. It's gonna happen. You could be pissed off about it. Fuck yeah. Talk about it. I want to hear it. Girl, I love a good tea story. Tell me how the universe, tell not the universe, but tell me how this earth fucking disappointed you. And tell me how we could change it. Because I want to talk to the people. I want to go straight to the person who is causing that hurdle in your life. And I want to be like, babe, what are we doing? Can we have a conversation with Mr. Dementia in the White House? I would love to have a conversation with that guy. Ooh, let's get deep into the reasons why he does the things he does. Because I want to know. I mean, I have an idea. His whole life has been on the freaking media, so we kinda know. We kind of know what's going on. I don't know why we act like we don't know what's going on when we see somebody's life like just plastered on like media, and like their whole entire life is on like display for you to understand. Yet you trust them with your entire life. Yeah, there's somebody that like me is very genuine, and my whole trajectory of life has always been open. And yes, I've made mistakes and things like that, but I've always come up with better and bigger solutions. And that's the thing, like what an amazing life that we get to learn all of these things together. Anyways, it's been an hour. You spent an hour with me. If you have and you're still here, my God, I love you so much. Thank you so much. If you had to break away, like I have, like to cry and like just like compose myself just to get through this. But I thought it was a very, very, very um important thing to say because I don't want you guys to think that I'm just like some superhero doing this for free. Like, I need you guys to understand that yes, I'm doing this for free, but there's value to it, there's resource to it, and I deserve the investment that I'm asking for. So if you could donate, I would love that. I also would love, you know, if you would comment and let me know what's going on with you, if you're okay. I always like to check on everyone, my family, you know, and if you need help, feel free to reach out. If you don't want to reach out here, you can always reach out to any um resource that you'd like, or any friend that you like to vet or to do the things that you need to do in order to be in a right place in your mind, because that's where we spend a lot of our time, you know, working with ourselves, working with spirit in order for us to get to where we need to be. And I hope that this you don't hold on to any of this. Like you came here with yourself to listen, and I'm so grateful for that. And that's all you had to do. You just had to listen. You didn't have to consider anything, you didn't have to learn anything. If you did, that's great. But I release any responsibility for you to hold any of this because you don't have to. This is not yours to hold on to, it's just for you to consider, but it's not for you to hold on to, and you can release any type of tension that you feel from this, and just know that it's coming from a place of love and of education, so we can teach each other and help each other and move together. And my dream that I've like I just like a realization of how our systems work, how we get in each other's way, how we stump each other's blessings and then ask for more. It's like before you ask for more, stop getting in people's way. Start being the light to people's day. Start being a light to your your own day. Start doing the things that you need to. And you know, it's still early in the day, babe. You have all the rest of the day to do what you need to do, and it's gonna be a great day, regardless of all the disappointments you face on a regular basis, or maybe not in a regular basis, just in the world, just by turning on the news and something that has nothing to do with you that you're disappointed about the next world over. Remember, you can help just by being in alignment with your soul purpose. And when you're in alignment with your soul purpose, you release any blocks and resistance in your vibration and also in the vibrations around you. You make it easier for other people. They make it easier for you because they're learning that that's the way of the life that we live, and we need to break down the system that teaches us no, someone has to be in control, someone needs to monitor things, somebody needs to like make sure that people are doing what they're need to do because we can't trust people. No, like that needs to go, that needs to be removed completely. And if you're listening to this and you're a CEO, please take this to heart. No more micromanaging. Stop it. Stop it. Trust the process, trust the people that you hired. You hired them for a reason. And if you think that somebody's doing something shady, discover it, explore it. But just don't assume that everyone's the same. Like one fucking like person does make a difference. But it's easier to remove one person from a group of people. Like, and let them like sit with their shit and figure it out and come back and you know, maybe just like figure things out with the group, or if they need to find another group to mingle with, like you guys get what I'm saying. If you don't, then comment and then I'll clarify. But this has been going a little bit longer than I thought it would be. It was a lot to unpack. And again, I want to thank you so much. And this time, when I say you're so welcome, it means you're welcome to take what I've said and utilize it as information that will help you. And you're also welcome to leave it and just not think about it ever again. Like you have the free will to do whatever you want, to speak your truth, to collaborate with me, you know, or with any anything that you believe in, to move forward and to try to do things on a regular basis that will change this weird state that we're in. Like, it's such a weird energy because it's like upside-down day every day. It's weird, and we need to like explore it, deconstruct it, and make it something new and creative and loving and open. Thank you so much for being with me. I love you so much. You're gonna have an amazing day with just an open heart and open mind. And I wish you all the best. Love you guys. And again, you are also you are always so welcome here. Take care.