Raising Girls as Dad

No perfect dads—just dedicated ones. The Dedicated Dad’s Podcast is a space for real conversations about fatherhood, parenting, leadership, and legacy. 

This episode's guest is Bryant Suggs. Bryant has proudly served in the US Army for 18 years. He and his lovely wife have been married for 19 years and has 3 amazing daughters. Outside of his military and family career he is a retired professional baseball player who strives to lead by example and make a positive impact on those around him. His life reflects a commitment to excellence, resilience and dedication both in uniform and at home.  

• What does it mean to be girl dad?
• How do you survive emotions/ daily life with girls/teens?
• How do you juggle being emotionally available with discipline? Is it hard to manage?
• Boys? Do they really need them? How to navigate dating? 

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:03

I'm gonna be deep in the future while thinking about scars. Inevitable bullets lift out everything. The moment I know my baby go slip in the floor, free for us, straight to a lot, be in the floor, it's hard. Knowing the influence that and play from the start. They strip a dead identity deep in the heart. The gender wars are confusing to stop and nothing that mold them till they forget who they are.

SPEAKER_00 0:24

What's up, everybody? Welcome to the Dedicated Dads Podcast. We have another amazing episode lined up for you. And as we always say, there's no such thing as a perfect dad, just a dedicated one. So today we have a great uh co-host, great interviewee. His name is Brian Suggs. He prices serves in our military, our army, 18 years of service and mentorship through his military career. He's dedicated himself to developing future leaders, being a strong mentor to our soldiers and recruits. His experience spans multiple leadership positions where he's consistently exemplified a mission-first attitude. Prior to his military service, he played professional baseball, which I didn't know. So that's awesome. That'll be something great to talk about. Um, and he's developed his teamwork and perseverance. He has developed on the field and uses that as the foundation for his success both in his military and personal life. Outside of his professional accomplishment, Bryant considers his greatest achievement to be his family, which is awesome. He's happily been married for 19 years, and together they have built a loving and strong family. They have three beautiful daughters: Harmony, Faith, and Hope. Love those names, values family and service. He takes great pride in supporting and encouraging his daughters as they pursue their own dreams and aspirations. Whether serving in his country, mentoring others, or spending time with his family, Brian strives to lead by example and make a positive impact on those around him. And he reflects his commitment to excellence, resilience, dedication in uniform and at home. So, with that being said, let's welcome Brian to the stage. Brian, how are you, sir?

SPEAKER_02 2:02

Mr. Bishop, how you doing today, brother?

SPEAKER_00 2:04

I'm wonderful. Brian, I'm gonna call you BJ because that's how I know you. I'm like, Brian, I don't want to be too formal, but no, BJ's a good friend of mine. Uh, we thank you for your time and also we thank you for your service to our country's military. We appreciate it. Um, so with that being said, let's jump in. Title of this episode is Raising Girls as a Dad. So I have a question for you. What does it mean to be a girl dad?

SPEAKER_02 2:30

Man, a blessing. And I say that in the sense to um, you know, playing sports my whole life, I always wanted a boy, just hands down. That's what what most men, you know, that are athletic stuff. And um first one was a girl, right? That that changed my life, man. Like the thought of a boy, yeah, it was still there and stuff. But when you hold your precious daughter for that first time, like not only did it make me a better man, just made me connect to my emotional side that I really never thought of. So it's just proud, man. Just I love it. I wouldn't change it.

SPEAKER_00 3:07

Yeah, that it's funny you say that because I I have a boy and I obviously have girls, so it's like my son. I'm like, oh, okay, yeah, it's my son, I could be rough with him. But as soon as that girl came out, man, every cartoon movie makes me cry. It's just like it's a whole different world, like trying to manage being a girl dad as opposed to being a boy dad. And you know, like I said, going into being a girl dad, how do you how do you survive emotionally with the daily life of having girls and teens and just you know, all that comes with teenage adolescent girls?

SPEAKER_02 3:40

Prayer, man. Prayer every day. It takes it takes a lot of prayer. No, but um, seriously, it's just man, it a lot of patience. I've never been a patient person, so when I tell you it it made me a better man, hands down, like it it made me learn new things and forced me to learn new things on how to handle certain situations. Um, house full of women, they're like you said, 19, 16, almost 12. When that whole cycle's on a month, like I try to hide out. I'll be honest sometimes, you know.

SPEAKER_00 4:14

Especially if they overlap. I mean, if they overlap, it's like it's like hell on wheels. I I've dealt with it here in my house where it's big mama's on it, and it's like, okay, let me give her a space and go in the living room, and then someone's coming in crying about hair, and then another person's about makeup, and it's like there's nowhere to go but the car after that.

SPEAKER_02 4:34

But the best part about it is there's always signs, right? So you'll know how your daughter responds to you. Hey, harm, but or the eye rolling, you already know, you know, oh man, what time of the month? Okay, you know what? I'm gonna leave you alone. I'm not even gonna talk to you.

SPEAKER_00 4:48

So so go ahead, go ahead.

SPEAKER_02 4:52

So it's it's definitely pick your battles wisely when it comes to that.

SPEAKER_00 4:55

Absolutely. So let me ask you a question this so how do you juggle being emotionally available when it comes to that kind of month, uh that time of the month? And how do you also balance like the discipline part? Because obviously, a big part of your military career is discipline. I mean, it's what our military is known for: discipline and executing a mission. How do you manage being there emotionally available when there are times where you know kids do things wrong and you gotta reprimand, you know, girls like you know to do stupid things, they boys like to do stupid things, but how do you scream and condemn the daughters? Because that's where I'm struggling with right now.

SPEAKER_02 5:29

You know what? Um I'm working on that every day, you know. The initial reaction that disciplined mindset pops in, but then I gotta take a second back. Sometimes my wife is always there, which is great because she'll be like, BJ, give me that look. And I'm like, okay, I I need to reel it back just a little bit, you know. But um, part of it is just once you have that emotional connection with them, I am getting better with it. Um, just when I know an issue's there, I already have that mental approach, like, hey, let me let me hear them first, let me find out what's going on, what's wrong before I start to try to hand out any disciplinary actions, things like that. Because sometimes you don't even have to say nothing or or don't even try to solve the issue, just listen to them, you know, hear them out, and then a lot of times they'll solve the problem themselves, or they just want to be heard, you know. So it's still a tug of war every day, but um, it's work in progress.

SPEAKER_00 6:26

So so just to piggyback off that, with with three daughters, how is your approach with each of them? Do you find that it's easier to approach them all the same? Because you know, women have different personalities, different attitudes. Is there a certain way that uh one uh likes to be approached? Like I have three. So my oldest one, she loves praise. So anytime you tell her she's doing something good, tell us her hair looks nice, then that makes her day. And I have my younger ones be like, okay, well, you know, your room is clean and that makes them feel good. So, how do you navigate the three different personalities and how hard is it to switch? Because sometimes they both do things wrong. So, how do you scream at one and then kind of be soft on the other?

SPEAKER_02 7:07

You know what? And I think the army's really helped me out as far as that role is because every soldier is different. You can't approach every soldier the same way, it's the outcome's gonna be different, you know. So I would probably say my youngest hope, she's the firecracker. So you definitely have to walk on eggshells when you approach her, you know. Um, Faith, my middle child, amazing. Just you can have a normal soft conversation like this, and whatever tasks, whatever you you need her to do, you're really not gonna get any pushback from her. Um, Harmony's 50-50. You know, you just kind of gotta roll that dice to her. So it all depends on what mood she's in in that current moment. But overall, amazing kids. Um I I couldn't be more blessed, you know. Um, even going out to dinner when they were even younger, we'd have strangers approach them to our dinner table, just interrupt us eating dinner. Like, you know, like what is this person walking up here for? But they would all compliment on how well our kids behaved, and like it's a lot of compliments, you know, to their mother, because she's she's their best friend, hand down.

SPEAKER_00 8:19

You know, and it's funny you say that because in a previous episode I had on Chris Jeremy, who's a friend of yours as well, and one of his biggest talking points on his uh his episode was picking the right partner. He said, you know, that was that was most of his credit went to like, I have the right partner, I have someone who kind of balances me out. Like you said earlier, you know, your wife gives you the look, like, all right, BJ, you know, you're pushing too hard, and it's like, okay, you know, you got to pull back. So definitely, you know, compliments to all the moms out there too. It's dedicated dads, but we do appreciate a strong foundation and definitely a good teammate when it comes to racing kids because we know it is difficult, especially now, you know, as opposed to when we were younger, you know, you just get whooped for everything. At least that's what I did. There was no let's sit and have a conversation about why this happened. It was it was belt to ask, and then if I need something from you, I'll ask you afterwards.

SPEAKER_02 9:12

Or go grab that switch off the tree.

SPEAKER_00 9:14

That one too. Uh uh one of my mom's favorites was trying to have the conversation mid-whooping. So every strike was a sentence. So why did you uh listen? This is drawing out this too long of a sentence. We can discuss this after. I just find it funny now, you know, like I said, how you navigate, you know, just the different personalities. Like I said, kids are so different, you know, whether they're girls, whether they're boys, uh, whether they're the same parents, whether they're different parents. But like you said, credit to your military career and being able to navigate uh, you know, how to approach each person differently and meet them kind of on their level to kind of get the answers and things you need done.

SPEAKER_02 9:52

And to add to that is just the whole family support system, the parents involved, like it's it really takes a whole damn village, you know, to make things happen. And so, and of course, their mother, I couldn't have picked a better mother for my kids. Amazing.

SPEAKER_00 10:09

So and it's the absolute truth. You know what the thing is, too. When you raise kids with stability, I feel like kids are different. It was funny. I was watching, I forgot what I was, I was watching YouTube earlier, and I love watching like crime shows and police catching people, and the police got called to a beauty school because a girl said she was gonna unalive people at the place. I won't use the S-word. She was gonna unalive them with a pew pew. So they show up and take her out, and they're like, Well, what happened? She said, I'm having the worst day of my life. I got to school late and I was wearing leggings, and somebody said something about it. I'm like, that's the worst day of your life. Leggings and showing up late to class is what made you decide to post on Snapchat that you were gonna take this action, which ultimately had Snapchat send the FBI. The FBI called the local police. She got kicked out of school. Now it is the worst day because now you're being dragged out in the handcuffs from all your classmates and all these other people. But you know, shout out to the strong foundation, you know, just being able to teach emotional stability, especially with you know, young ladies who are a little more emotionally volatile than teenage boys. Boys don't really care too much about anything unless it's something to eat, or if the pretty girl don't like them, but girls have a whole different approach to it. So I have another follow-up question for you. Now that we're talking about girls, and I brought in boys. Boys, do we really need them? Or how how do you navigate dating? How did you figure out what the correct age was? Was it the age? Was it a I'll know when you're ready, or how did you figure that out?

SPEAKER_02 11:40

You know what? I I'll double back on this, but like I said, when I tell you, I have amazing daughters just with their choices. Um and I think a lot of it has to do with them being homeschooled, to be honest with you. Um, we had some issues with the public school system, with inappropriate stuff at school. So as a family, we decided to pull them out, have them homeschooled. And so, you know, boys are fast these days, kids are just fast, period, with all the access to the internet. We didn't have that stuff growing up. You know, we had write a letter, send the page, you might get a call back, you might not, or you gotta wait two to three business days for a letter to get back to you.

SPEAKER_00 12:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 12:23

So, but now with internet, there's not a lot of privacy on stuff. Like kids have access to everything. Um so just having them homeschooled, they're out of that social disaster. Um, a lot of the public schools and stuff and things like that. So I think that's part of the blessing to where they're not into that. But on the other side is my girls do competitive cheer, right? So that's where their main interaction is, and it it keeps them occupied, it keeps them goal-driven, focused on their passion. And so between just homeschooled, have them involved in something that they're passionate about, um, parents, don't have your kids doing stuff if they're not passionate about it. Find something that they want to do. Um, one, you're just wasting money. And two, you're just wasting time for your kids when they could be developing and doing something that hey, that they're passionate about. So I think once we found their passion and had them doing those things, like boys wasn't really even an issue. Um my oldest is 19. Like, she's made great choices. I can't even say anything negative. And a part of that is just listen, be there for her, you know. Her mom's her best friend, so they talk about a lot of stuff more in depth than I hear. A lot of stuff I don't even know about. But hey, that's their friendship, that's their bond. I wouldn't change it for nothing, you know.

SPEAKER_00 13:48

But it's it's probably stuff that you don't want to hear about as a dad. Oh my god. When I found out mine got kissed, I was ready to kill the kid. I'm like, this guy was in my house and he kissed my dog. Like, how dare you disrespect me? It's like I told you, don't even look at her that way. But yeah, I get it. So when when it came down to dating, though, like when when did you know the time was right for to allow it? Because you know, there's always the conversation where you know the parent has to give some kind of consent, whether it's going to a movie with a boy, or if a boy's coming over to the house to hang out or go swimming or whatever it is. How did you figure out what that age was? Like I said, was it an age where when you turned 15, or was it more when I feel you're emotionally ready?

SPEAKER_02 14:33

I will still never be ready for that. Um, so a lot of it had to do with their mother. Hey, it's time this guy wants to, you know, take her to a movie or whatever. So again, it's you can't lock them up in a cage. You know, sometimes you just have to let them experience life, go through certain things and stuff. And it's also a gauge to where they'll get that feeling of how to be treated. Like, I have smart kids. I'm I'm not a perfect father, I've messed up so many times, but at least try to show some positive role model to where either if I'm doing bad, they can say, I want to date someone that's nothing like my father, or if I'm doing good, they're gonna take the good qualities and be like, I want to find someone that's like kind like that, you know, this way, so that way it makes it a lot easier. Um, I'm still never ready for it, even when my I'm not gonna be ready for it, but um, it's just pick your battles wisely. Of course, I'm gonna do my background checks on whatever guy that they're interested in. Of course. I'm gonna have that 15-minute conversation before they come in my house. Um, but yeah, then just go from there.

SPEAKER_00 15:42

Okay. Uh it's interesting. Uh like I said, when it comes to dating. As a dad, you know, you know that day is coming. Once they say it's a girl, it's like, oh shit, here we go. Like someday I'm gonna want to kill somebody, even even with the good choices, because you know, you know how girls are. Everything uh with a girl during her teenage years hurts your feelings. So if you ever see her crying or she's sad or moping, it's like, uh, how do I not overreact in the situation? But to your credit, like you said, having those smart girls who are watching not only how you are toward their mom, but how their mom is towards you, because that's a big component of it too. I always tell women it's not just women don't learn how to be women just from watching guys treat you that way. They learn how to be women from watching how you respond also to situations. So when the dad comes in late, or if the money is short, do you berate him? Because that's all she's gonna do is pick up that same habit. Okay, when dad didn't have this, or when this didn't work the way mom wanted it to, mom responded this way. So this must be the correct way. You know, most of parenting, I always say, is more from what kids see, not from what you say. You can say a bunch of things, but kids are gonna model their life after kind of what they see from us as parents. Uh that's dope. And like I said in the beginning, I love your daughters' names. I think they are amazing. Not only are they just beautiful names, but they mean something. You know what I mean? It's like people, if you're listening, please name your kids things that you want them to aspire to. Naming them after cars or favorite colors or words in Japanese that you couldn't spell in English doesn't make sense. It just doesn't because it was funny. I I was on stage a couple weeks ago, and I was in Charlotte, and I was doing a joke about some young kids, and there was this kid that happened to be sitting up at the stage. So I asked him what his name was. Can't remember what his name was right now. And I asked him, I said, Well what does your name mean? He was like, I don't know, I never looked it up. I said, Well, let's look it up. We looked it up, it meant a mindless follower, and he was smiling about it. I was like, Yeah, this ain't the thing to smile about. Your parents heard a word that they thought sounded nice and decided, you know what? Let me brand this person with this for the rest of his life with no meaning or thought behind it. So, again, kudos to you and Heather for picking those names. Uh, like I said, they're beautiful. I did you did you pick the net letters because of Heather's name starting with H, or was it kind of just like it just happened?

SPEAKER_02 18:18

It was a definitely mutual agreement as far as for the names for the most part. Um, I thought we were going back and forth between harmony or melody, and I wasn't a big fan of Melody, and so we kind of ended up with Harmony because it means you know, beautiful blending, which so we we just went that route, and and it all and it all worked out.

SPEAKER_00 18:41

Well, you know what? Let me ask you this follow-up question. It's not on the on the ticker, but how do you balance being a girl dad when the girls are into sports and you yourself, like you said, play professional baseball? How do you manage the correct amount of push uh or encouragement? Or how do you handle when the kids are discouraged? Because obviously we can't win every competition, you know, we don't nail every backflip. How do you do that as a dad trying to still support the kid, but you still want to push him at the same time?

SPEAKER_02 19:13

So just showing up speaks volumes, right? Um quick story. I played baseball my whole life, football. My dad never made it to a lot of the events. As a kid, that kind of got to me. But I didn't finally realize as until I was a man when my father would finally show up to games still in his uniform after working a 12-hour shift, things like that. He sacrificed his time for his family so we could do the things we love, so we're able to do those things. And as a young kid, I didn't realize that. You know, you just realize how come he's not here, things like that. But he made the bigger sacrifice sacrifice working so we could actually do the things that we're passionate about. So the games he would come to, even if it was late, and I saw him in his uniform, he didn't have to say nothing to me. Just him being there in the stand, just morale, everything, man. You just get that boost of energy and that surge, uh, a blessing. So, like right now, I'm stationed in California and my kids are in Florida. So when they have their competitive cheer comps out, you know, out of town, out of state, different states and stuff, I make sure I'm there. Like I do everything I can just to show up. You know, sometimes you don't even have to say nothing. Just showing up speaks volumes. Um when they are discouraged, you just have to kind of reel them back and and ask them why are you doing this? Like, what's your why? You know, so and that played a big part for my oldest daughter, Harmony, this year here was why she left uh uh Florida, went to Texas. She was discouraged, kind of down, but she pushed through, fought, and then she became a world champ. So parents, so everything happens, you know, for a reason. But the main thing is just find their passion and just show up. The easiest thing you can do as a parent, whether father or mother, is be present. That requires nothing.

SPEAKER_00 21:15

And that's literally the point of the podcast is to showcase and highlight dedicated dads who put in the work every day. Because, you know, most of the time in society, mom is glamorized. I mean, it it's it's not hard to see. You see it in court, you see it during the holidays. You know, Mother's Day is the most shopped holiday in the world over Christmas. So somehow moms are now over Jesus. Uh, and Father's Day is somehow ranked number 17 in the United States on important holidays. And I didn't know we had 17 holidays. So it goes to show you that Halloween and Thanksgiving and the 4th of July Memorial Day, Labor Day, all of these are holidays that are celebrated more than Father's Day. Um, so that's don't Get their just due. So for me to you, uh, sir, I commend you on being a present dad uh for doing what it takes to make sure your family not only survives but thrives, finding your kids' passions, pushing them to do the things that they are passionate about. I mean, it's if more people were passionate about the jobs they did, the world would be a better place. And I'll I'll end it with this and then I'll let you give your final thought. I heard a quote from Jim Carrey. Uh he was speaking at a graduation, and his message was simple. He said, I'm Jim Carrey, I'm a great comedian. Uh my father is also Jim Carrey. He could have been a great comedian, but he chose the safe route and decided to be an accountant. He chose that safe route. He was an accountant for 13 years and then got fired from his accounting firm. And the message he took from that was, I can take the safe route, but I won't guarantee success. So why not go after the things I'm passionate about? And it was a huge message for me personally. It wasn't my graduation. I'm like I said, I heard it just this year, and I'm like, I'm 40 years old, and I'm like, that is an amazing sentiment to have when it comes to anything in life, whether it's your kids, whether it's yourself and pursuing your goals. I mean, I'm just starting this podcast, I'm late to the podcast game, but you know what? This was my passion. I put one foot in front of another, had the encouragement from my community and my support system, and so I'm doing it. And so, with that said, I will give you the floor, sir, for your final thoughts on raising girls as a dad.

SPEAKER_02 23:29

All right, before I start a father, everything you do for your family and stuff. So I I definitely admire that. Um, as far as raising daughters, it's a challenge every day. Every day's different. Um just be present. You gotta have patience, especially with the girls. Um always listen first before you react. And just be present. That's all I got.

SPEAKER_00 23:58

And you know what? With that, you know, and and that's a fine summary. I mean, if being pre being present is half the battle. I mean, the best ability is availability. They always say that in sports. People get hurt, and it's like, listen, I don't care how great Joe Montana is, if he can't suit up, don't mean nothing for us. You gotta be available to be great. You know what I mean? So I appreciate that. I appreciate your time, Brian. BJ Suggs, uh Mr. Military, professional baseball player, 19 years married, three beautiful daughters. He's just a great stand-up guy. Um, so with that being said, BJ, I appreciate your time. I'm sure the community appreciates your time. I'm gonna wrap up this episode with my final thoughts. And that is that, like BJ said, you know, not only the point of this podcast, but being a dad is about being present. A lot of the times it's not what we say, a lot of the times it's not what we spend, a lot of the times it's just being there, being there for your child's greatest moments, being there for your child's failures, and letting them know it's okay. I fail too. A lot of life is experience, a lot of life is watching our family. So, dads, be encouraged. Always be there for your kids. Show up when you can. We know that work is also a priority and you can't miss work. Otherwise, the kids don't get to do the after school stuff that they like to do, whether that's cheer or football or arts or Pokemon or whatever that thing is for them. But being present means more than just always showing up to the events. You can pop your head in a room while your child is drawing and say, Hey, what are you working on? And you look at that, and oh, that's a great job. You give encouraging words that help push your kid forward. So, with being a girl dad, like BJ said, he has three. I have three. Being a girl dad is not something that's terribly difficult. It takes time to navigate because every person is different, especially young ladies. I have three very different young ladies. My oldest is super into fashion and makeup. My youngest would wear a wrinkled bed sheet outside and still be comfortable. So it's just about knowing who you're talking to and how to talk to them. Just like guys, we know how to certain women, you talk to certain women certain ways, you get kind of the response you get, but you know, after you learn this person, this is what will bring out the best outcome. This is what I'm trying to do. If I'm trying to encourage my daughters, this approach works for one, it may not work for another. But I encourage you, Dad, to continue to be present. Learn your kids, learn their temperaments, sit around them. Sometimes, like BJ said, it's not the words that are said, sometimes it's just sitting in a room while they're playing video games. You can hear their conversations. Conversations will tell you a lot about your kids' temperament, things they say, things they don't say. So, with that being said, this has been another great episode of Dedicated Dads. Episode title again is Raising Girls as a Dad. Thank you again to our co-host and interviewee today, Brian B. J. Suggs. We thank him for his military service and for just raising responsible young ladies. So, with that being said, dads, please make sure you tune in to our next episode. We're going to air a new episode every Tuesday. You can catch us on Spotify and now also Apple Podcasts. If you want the video podcast version, you can also see that on YouTube. So please follow our pages on TikTok and Instagram at Dedicated Dads Online. If you need to send us an email, you can do that at DedicatedDads1 at Gmail. So share, like, and subscribe. We thank you all for your time. We'll see you next week.

SPEAKER_01 27:28

Iranic out with the find its way back to my team. Find the strength that I need to be yours to me. Truly aware of the team. I'm still just the most driven by ego alone. The broken bones that I'm opening stones have been thrown. Prepare themselves in the moment. I smile in the light, learning the hell on my own. Lady my body is sure.

unknown 27:45

The way to be a bit of a.