From Lil Wayne to Milf Manor to Sobriety: Lannette West Tells ALL!

In this episode, we sit down with Lannette West for a raw and unfiltered conversation about her life in and out of the spotlight. From dating Lil Wayne to her experience on Milf Manor 2, Lannette opens up about the highs, the lows, and everything in between. She also shares her powerful journey overcoming cocaine addiction and what recovery has looked like for her. This is a story of growth, resilience, and real-life lessons you don't want to miss.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:00

Questions that we are going to ask about you know what happened in the media with like you and little Wayne and things like that. Are you prepared?

SPEAKER_04 0:09

Yeah, let me have the bait first.

SPEAKER_02 0:11

Okay, Denise Bidot, I guess at the time was the girlfriend, and there was a situation that had happened between them that had circulated the media, but obviously when it circulated about you and Wayne, she publicly went on the internet and called you a home wrecker. Um, what was your reaction when you first saw that? One, and two, did she ever confront you personally?

SPEAKER_05 0:37

Well, number one, you have to have a home to wreck before you're called a home wrecker.

SPEAKER_02 1:06

Welcome back to another episode of the Petty Headquarters. I'm your host, Tiana Lock, and this is Jesse Strange. And today we have a very special episode for you guys, as you can see. So we have our special guest here. You may know her from MILF Manor season two, but her story definitely runs deeper than that, guys. So Lynette West stepped into the house looking for love, ended up confronting patterns, heartbreaks, and very real emotions in front of the world from navigating complicated love and life in the public eye. Her journey is layered, and today we are going to get into all of that, y'all. So please allow me to introduce Miss Lynette West. Thank you for having me.

SPEAKER_05 1:49

This is a petty headquarters, Lynette. Thank you. I'm glad to be here.

SPEAKER_02 1:54

Yes, yes, yes. So we are going to just get into these first couple of questions. How are you feeling before we do that?

SPEAKER_05 2:02

Oh, I feel great. Absolutely. I'm I'm in it to win it.

SPEAKER_00 2:05

I I just want to say before we begin, my mom she watched the season two and she's like, tell Lynette I am a fan of her. I love her, and that out of all the girls on in the show, she felt like you had the most self-respect for yourself.

SPEAKER_05 2:23

I appreciate that. Thank you very much. Please tell her I said hello and I hope she's doing well. Yes, ma'am.

SPEAKER_02 2:29

And she will see this too. So she's gonna appreciate that very much. Absolutely. Thank you. So we know that like we we did a lot of research and we've seen a lot of how your interviews went with other people and the questions they ask, and we kind of want to like do our own thing here. So we're just gonna start it off early and we're gonna talk about just like personal early childhood life questions. All right. So my first question, which is pretty layered.

SPEAKER_00 2:59

Yeah, yeah, it is pretty layered.

SPEAKER_02 3:00

It's pretty layered. Um, because I know you touched on this a little bit, but just like, how was life growing up? Like, how was childhood for you like?

SPEAKER_05 3:08

Um, I mean, it wasn't all bad, right? I tend to focus more on the bad stuff because um that's the stuff that lingers and stays with you. But overall, I mean, I I had a pretty traumatic childhood. Um, the people that were supposed to love me and take care of me didn't. I mean, I had a roof over my head, I never went hungry, but I never felt safe. And um, so I I guess I lost my innocence very early.

SPEAKER_00 3:36

Do you think that that has a lot to do with how you ended up uh like you know in therapy they teach you that you mirror a lot of your parents' type of love and relationships? Do you think that that had an effect on you as you got older without even realizing?

SPEAKER_05 3:54

Oh, absolutely. I was recreating those situations because that's what was familiar to me. It may not have been a good situation, but I was drawn to it because it was familiar and comfortable. And it wasn't until I became aware of that, like the why behind the things I was doing, that only then could I say, oh, I can choose to do something differently. I don't have to just be an automatic pilot and keep recreating the same drama and trauma that I live through because I didn't want to pass that on to my children. And it was very important to me to do things differently. I wanted this shit to stop with me. I don't want to pass this on, all this generational trauma. And it and as soon as I started asking myself, well, why do I do this? Why am I attracted to men that will not give me what I need to be a better version of myself? Why? You know, and and I started peeling back the layers, and it was that in and of itself was traumatic.

SPEAKER_00 4:56

Yeah, because you have to confront a lot of the things that you've kind of been avoiding. Did you have to go to therapy for that or did you just kind of go through that journey on your own?

SPEAKER_05 5:05

Well, I went to rehab for it after I was like real bad into cocaine. Um, I had a horrible about four or five years where I was reintroduced to cocaine and at a party. It was very innocent. And um my addictive personality certainly didn't let me down there. And uh it wasn't bad at first, right? It's like, you know, occasionally on the weekends, and then over the over months and years it escalated to the point that I I stopped one day and looked at myself in the mirror in my bathroom, and I was like, bitch, if you want to kill yourself, there's a cheaper way to do it.

SPEAKER_00 5:40

Yeah, it's an expensive habit, that's for sure.

SPEAKER_05 5:43

It is, it very much is. And so I think that was really the biggest turning point in my life, frankly, because once I got sober, I really started doing the work of uncovering who I was, why I did the things I did, and a better understanding of what happiness really is.

SPEAKER_02 6:00

Uh, so I wanted to ask you a question because I know in a recent interview you had mentioned your mom was emotionally unavailable, right? And she was a narcissist. So, how was that relationship with her? And like, where are you guys now today? Have you established those healthy boundaries with her? Like, walk, walk me through that.

SPEAKER_05 6:21

Yeah, I mean, growing up, like I think like most children do, you idolize your parent. And my father was never really in the picture. I mean, I he left when I was like five or six. I may have seen him a few times when I was young. I don't really recall it. Um, but then he just disappeared entirely. So, you know, I I put my mother on a pedestal. I absolutely adored her, and I thought she did everything perfectly. Um, you know, but she's human, she didn't. And she didn't do a lot of she did a lot of good things. She she wasn't all bad, right? But the bad was just really bad.

SPEAKER_02 6:55

Right.

SPEAKER_05 6:56

Um and so when I became a teenager, I think was the first time I started looking at her with more critical eyes. I was like, maybe she's not always right, maybe there's something else going on here. And um, I went off to college. I I I was really ready to get away from her. She she was she was a violent person. Um, she was a very intelligent, hardworking woman, but she had a tongue that could eviscerate you. And of course, any words that come from your mom, I mean, that registers, right? That becomes your own internal voice for yourself. Um, and I had a very awful internal language because that's what I had heard, you know, calling me a whore when she found a hickey on my neck. Um, she never called me stupid. She always was like, you know, you're very bright, you're very smart, you'll be able to do whatever you want to do. But just that feeling of worthlessness and embarrassment, that's really that really encapsulated my childhood. Like I just thought I was a bad person. I thought I was unworthy, I thought I was trash because those are the things that she would tell me when she was angry.

SPEAKER_00 8:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 8:03

And um that's all. No, I've said that was hard. And you know, we had our ups and downs throughout my college years and and beyond. Um, she broke contact with me on several occasions, um, found out I was pregnant with um my boyfriend's baby, who's an African American, and she flipped shit on that. Now, granted, I didn't handle the introduction all that well. Um, long story, I won't digress, but she told me you're dead to me. You're dead to me. So I didn't talk to her for like the first two years of my son's life and whatever. And then we reconciled. So it was always this you're not doing what I want you to do, you're no longer my daughter, fuck you, bye, and then cut me off. Yeah. And then never apologize, but after some period of time, come back, maybe send me some money, buy me something, and then everything's better again. There's never any discussion about what caused a risk. It was just suddenly she'd be nice to me again.

SPEAKER_03 8:59

Right.

SPEAKER_05 8:59

So I kind of learned to put up a barrier with her because I knew at any moment her love would be taken away. Um she passed suddenly in June of 2019, at the age of 67. Yeah, she did. Um, I was currently in a position where we were no longer talking. She had dismissed me a year prior because I had reconciled and started to form a relationship with my father. And she wasn't really gung-ho about that. She felt it was a betrayal to her, which it was not. And um, so I hadn't talked to her. My phone accidentally, you know how you have the SOS contacts, and if you hit the power button or something five times, it automatically calls your SOS. That happened to me. My phone got stuck under my seat. Anyway, ended up calling her, and I didn't realize it for a little bit. And so I called her. She never called me. I called her and said, Mom, I just don't want you to be alarmed. I'm not injured, everything's fine. She's like, Okay, great, good to hear. And I was like, Okay, mom, thank you. And that was the last time we ever spoke to her.

SPEAKER_02 10:02

Wow. Wow. So this this is crazy. So now not only was, you know, there was a narcissistic behavior, but there was also like that emotional immature behavior as well. Oh, which instable? Yeah, which in stable, unstable like environments and things like that. And I'm seeing a pattern, it makes me wonder too, like, what did she experience when she was younger to to you know transfer down the same thing to you? And I'm happy that you made it a point that this ends with me, like I'm not bringing this. Because you know, it takes up some people never learned that, and I'm like very happy that you, you know, you took the time, you put in the work, you know, to learn that.

SPEAKER_00 10:40

Yeah, and that's what I was gonna go back to saying. I remember my question now. So, like I I noticed that a lot of the similarities where, you know, as a kid, when you're being told that you're you're a bad kid and you're you're just a bad seed or you just do bad things, you were just born that way, when really it's a matter of being misunderstood and not listened to. And so sometimes what I've learned is that as a kid, because it's easier to just fit the picture rather than explain yourself, you end up doing those things which explains like so. I have an addictive personality, so I can relate to a lot of what you're saying because you know, your whole life you're known as the kid that doesn't listen, the kid that just does bad things, and you know, and you just do it. You're like, Yeah, I'm a bad kid anyways. You're told that you're bad, so might as well be, right? It's just easier to be that than to have to explain that, you know, or maybe you don't even realize as a kid that you're just not being listened to or being misunderstood.

SPEAKER_05 11:37

Oh, absolutely. Yeah, children need to be seen, they need to be h heard, they need to understand that they have value, that their opinions count. And you know, I'm Gen X. I you know, we grew up at a time where you know we didn't get a lot of parenting, and what we did got was usually bad. Right, you know, so she did the best she could with what she had, and that's kind of how I I come to have a peace about it. Because you're right, uh she was absolutely traumatized in her life, her whole life. In fact, when I heard that she had passed away, I didn't cry. It was almost a sense of relief because I'm like, God, that you know, her miserable, unhealthy, vindictive, controlling life is over and she's free of that now.

SPEAKER_02 12:26

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 12:27

You know, I was almost, I don't want to say happy about it, but I was relieved that she is at peace now.

SPEAKER_02 12:33

Right. I have a question. So when you mentioned that she was upset with you after you had this, the kid, your first son, right? Was it because you had a kid and she didn't know, or was it because you had the kid with a black man? Like, or is it both? Both.

SPEAKER_05 12:47

Both yeah, the she did not uh you know, I grew up in western North Carolina in Ablash Mountains.

SPEAKER_03 12:55

Right.

SPEAKER_05 12:55

Like I I didn't I wasn't exposed to other people. I mean, there was there was one black girl in our class, and but I wasn't very close with her. So I I never spent any time even talking really to anybody other than white people.

SPEAKER_01 13:10

Right.

SPEAKER_05 13:10

I was very sheltered. And then I went to Carolina, I went to the University of North Carolina in Chapel Hill, and that's where I met my ex-husband, and he was literally the first man I ever talked to, I ever touched, I ever had any kind of relationship with. And you know, I was in love from the moment I saw him. And the first, and the second thought I had the first thought was I'm gonna marry that man. The second thought was, oh my god, my mom's gonna kill me.

SPEAKER_02 13:37

How was it growing up like in North Carolina and just being in that environment? Like you said, you were very sheltered, right? Like you that was the first guy you've been with, period. What where did you meet him? You said college, high school, college, right? Yeah. That was so like college was when you were finally experiencing like different things with like relationships, romance, sex, and intimacy and all of that. Like, how was it growing up and then going into this new lifestyle in college?

SPEAKER_05 14:07

That was wonderful. It was, you know, it was an awakening. Because I can remember one time I was talking to a girl from India, I think she was one of our suite mates, and um, we made some comment about peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, and I was like, Yeah, I was raised on that. And she was like, Me too, I love them. And I was like, huh? I was like, that doesn't track. And she's like, Yeah. And I can remember thinking immediately, oh my God, we are all more alike than we are different.

SPEAKER_03 14:33

Right.

SPEAKER_05 14:34

You know, it it drove that home. And you know, all these preconceived notions that I had about people from different cultures and different races was mostly created by the images I saw on TV.

SPEAKER_03 14:45

Right, right.

SPEAKER_05 14:46

And that's so inaccurate because those other cultures and people weren't represented well on TV, if at all.

SPEAKER_04 14:53

Right.

SPEAKER_05 14:53

So it really was going to college was really an awakening for me. Now I partied like a rock star, okay? I didn't have a class. I don't know really how I graduated, to be honest with you, but um, but it really was just having the opportunity to see people from different parts of the world, respect the differences, and realize again, we are all so much more alike than we are different.

SPEAKER_00 15:18

Right. That's nice that college did that for you. And I can see that because college always has like international kids come around. And so that's really cool that you know you were able to open, you know, and and take it in that way because there's some people that never get out that bubble and they continue to, you know, have be closed-minded and stuff like that. But I know that you said that you reconnected with your father. Um, how was that? What was the hardest part about like reconnecting with your dad? I can imagine after so long of not seeing him, it was a lot, right?

SPEAKER_05 15:49

Yeah, because my my earliest childhood memory of my father was of him beating the shit out of my mother in the bedroom with the door closed, and all I heard was screaming and like things breaking. And me and my brother, who's five years older than me, we're the youngest, youngest two of the five, uh, were trying to get into the bedroom to like save her. Well, we probably needed to save him too, because they gave as good as they got. So it was a very violent, very tumultuous relationship that they had. And so when I went with my mother, you know, all I ever heard about my dad was negative stuff, you know, that he was a monster, he was violent, he wanted to kill her, you know, all these awful things. So in my mind, he became this monster. As a little girl, I, you know, I plotted my revenge on him, you know. And as I got older, I started realizing, you know what, there's two sides to every story, and somewhere in the middle is the truth. And I, in my mom, the only one one good thing about my dad that she would tell me is that he was a really hard worker. And that was the only positive I ever heard about it. And I found myself um, you know, later in life, and I was struggling because I was one of those girls with daddy issues, and I was well aware of it. I was looking for validation and acceptance from all these men. I was constantly thriving on attention and making a show of myself. And, you know, that's just not a good authentic way to be. And so I figured, you know, one way to address this is go to the root of the problem, right? Which is the lack of relationship and love that I got from my father. The one man on this planet that's supposed to love and protect me didn't.

SPEAKER_03 17:25

Right.

SPEAKER_05 17:26

And so I I reached out to him. My brothers had kept in touch with him over the years. So I called one of my brothers, got his phone number, picked up the phone and called him. I just said, Hi, this is Lynette. Um, I do you have a minute to talk? And he was just like, uh blah blah. You know, and I and I I just broke it down. I said, Look, I don't want your money, I don't need anything from you other than your time, love, and attention. And I need you to tell me that you're proud of me. So I was like, and if you ever raise your voice to me or my children, you will never see us again. And I was like, Can you do that? Can you do that, Dad? And he broke down in tears, and he was like, Of course I can do that. Please let me do that. Wow, and so yeah, so it healed, you know, it was 45 years later. I hadn't seen him for almost 40 years.

SPEAKER_01 18:12

Wow.

SPEAKER_05 18:13

So yeah, and and you know, we keep in touch. I mean, we're not like joined at the hip or anything. He's he's 82, he still works, you know, that hard worker thing. Yeah, he's in he's in construction and building and all this stuff. I mean, he has kind of a cush job now, but but yeah, he's uh he's getting up there, and um it's been a real awakening for me to just understanding how important that relationship with your dad is because the rest of the stuff that I was doing before, like always needing to go be on a date, I always needed a boyfriend, I needed somebody to give me attention, all that dissipated. Like I don't need that shit now. I walk into a room knowing who I am and and what I'm about and not looking for the validation from other men or other women, and it really helped help heal that.

SPEAKER_00 19:01

Wow. I appreciate you sharing that. I know, I know it can be a lot to talk about things like that. So I appreciate you sharing that. Um, so going back to college, you said you would party a lot. Is that where the you feel like because I know nobody starts off like, yeah, I'm gonna be an addict, right? It just kind of happens, right? That's not the goal. Right. It's never the goal. People don't realize that it just kind of happens over time, and you don't even, I don't even think the addict realizes until it's kind of gone, or you kind of just start to feel like you need it, where you're just like, oh shit, I'm kind of in a pretty shitty situation. Do you think it started from all the partying in college or did it start prior?

SPEAKER_05 19:40

Well, I think it's all rooted in my childhood trauma. I was running from it because I was constantly on the go. I was constantly doing things, I was constantly trying to distract myself from the miserable human being that I was. And as I aged and got older, I it's really interesting though. I did cocaine like a little bit in college, knew I liked it, and then I ended up getting pregnant with my son. And when that happened, I stopped all drugs, alcohol, smoking, everything. Like I literally did a 180. I had just gotten my first corporate job. You know, I'd just gone through the training program and wound up pregnant. And I was like, oh God, they're gonna fire me. No, they don't fire you for that, thank God. Um, and so I just put that part of my life on pause because then, you know, I became the mom. I was, I had a new focus. I became motivated to work and worked really hard and worked my way up and you know, did really, really well. And then uh fast forward to 2017, and I was casually seeing this guy who said, Hey, let's go to a pool party. It's a house right around the corner from yours. There'll be powder there. I had not thought about cocaine and I had not done cocaine in like some 20-some years. Wow. And and I remember going, hmm, I like that. You know, that's good shit. And you know, and then again, like I explained earlier, it just it just gradually took hold. I mean, I would I would be buying eight balls and cutting them up, going, guys, do y'all think I have a problem? Right. As I'm like, and then if you're asking yourself if you have a problem, you have a problem.

SPEAKER_00 21:21

Absolutely right, absolutely right, absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 21:25

So, did anyone like in your life ever notice like back then or even mid-20s, whatever, wherever, like, did they notice like that you were struggling? Did anyone try to reach out?

SPEAKER_05 21:36

Well, I mean, everybody, at least from my family's perspective, knew I was crazy, right? They knew I had something I wasn't quite right. And I mean, I always excelled like academically and even athletically, because when you're raised with uh an achievement based love model, like you learn to achieve because that was the only way I could get love and attention from my mother. So I became a chronic overachiever. I didn't just play tennis in high school. I had to win the state championship. I couldn't just be on the tennis team. I had to be the captain. You know, I didn't, I didn't just have to make an A. I needed to make an A. So, you know, in some respects that worked out for me, right? Because that that helped me get into Chapel Hill and have opportunities that I would not have otherwise had.

SPEAKER_03 22:23

Right.

SPEAKER_05 22:24

But, you know, I think anyone that ever came into contact with me prior to my rehab knew that I had a problem. It wasn't always substance. It was, you know, emotional. You know, I just feel a lot. Like my emotions are really big. And so I don't know how to process them. They scare the shit out of me. And so I would act out, I would become violent, or I would re you know, totally isolate myself from everybody. And I would always have these really unusual reactions to things that people didn't understand. And um no one really like came to rescue me. It was something that I had to decide to do through therapy, through medication. You know, I had a diagnosis of bipolar two when I was 27, living in um DC. And I've had other diagnoses since. Fortunately, it's not the psychotic kind. Um, but you know, there's still pretty serious things that I'm dealing with. And and I don't suffer from the delusion that anyone's gonna come save me. You know, I I firmly know all I've ever needed is me.

SPEAKER_02 23:27

Right, right, right. So no one tried to reach out because in their head, you were just crazy.

unknown 23:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 23:33

So they were like, I she's very character.

SPEAKER_01 23:36

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 23:36

Okay, so but okay, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 23:38

So are you still sober uh from cocaine today?

SPEAKER_05 23:42

Yeah, it'll be four years this October 23rd.

SPEAKER_00 23:45

So that's amazing. Congratulations. How do you deal with like hard times now? Because I know one of the hardest things, right? When you're an addict, you're you're emotionally trying to escape. You're escaping and a lot of that stuff. So how do you deal with hard times now being sober? Is that like something that's really helped you that you've learned, or do you put that addiction into like more like I guess healthier ways of dealing with it, right?

SPEAKER_05 24:11

Yeah, I mean, I I'm definitely a big proponent for therapy. I mean, I've got a I've got an addiction therapist, addiction psychiatrist, a life coach, you know, like I've got a team of people, and I'm very blessed that I have the resources to be able to do that, right? But that's a totally legitimate question. And even as you were asking it, I'm thinking, God, what do I do when I get upset? Like, I don't know. I don't do cocaine, but I'm sure I'm doing something else I'm not supposed to do. You know, I'm totally addicted to nicotine. Like this is a bitch, and I've I've got to come off this. And it tastes so good, it tastes like strawberry.

SPEAKER_00 24:52

Where's my face?

SPEAKER_05 24:54

Yes, and I always have two. I never just have one. I have a primary crack.

SPEAKER_04 24:59

No, no, it's true.

SPEAKER_02 25:02

No, it's true though. Like, even with like my friends do, same thing. They have two, it needs to be charged. If it's not charged, if they lose it, they're freaking out.

SPEAKER_05 25:11

Like freaking the fuck out. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 25:14

Like, I'm not gonna lie, I see those videos on Instagram and TikTok where they're like, Where's my name? Where's my date? And I'll be cracking up. I can't. But then again, you're right. That is when you know, damn, I need to come off this shit. Right. It's like, it's like, do I have a problem?

SPEAKER_00 25:28

Do I have a problem?

SPEAKER_05 25:29

Yes, Beth, you have a problem.

SPEAKER_00 25:31

Right. And that's how I feel like with a lot of addicts, right? It's not it's there's really no cure to the addictive personality. It's just more so where do you use that? Some people resort to food, some people resort to hikes. Like, there's this like inside joke where like all the party goers and all the drug addicts are now hikers because it's still an adrenaline rush, you know?

SPEAKER_02 25:53

Like gym junk, like going to the gym and things like that.

SPEAKER_05 25:57

Oh no. I would love to get addicted to going to the gym or doing something that's really healthy for me. Right. Oh, me too. I would love that. I'm struggling with that. But but no, but to answer your question about what do I do, I mean, I think now I I've become very self-aware. And that in and of itself is not the end game, right? Because you have to ultimately change your behavior and and become that best version of yourself. And it's a journey, it's not a destination, right? So I think sometimes I tend to overanalyze myself. I will over-intellectualize what I'm doing instead of changing my behavior. Because I'll tell you right now, I'll be doing something fucking crazy and I know it's crazy, and I know why I'm doing it, and I can't stop myself from doing it, you know, and then I'm like, God, I'm gonna have to apologize for this tomorrow, or I'm gonna have to do this tomorrow to fix this shit up. But I just keep going. Yeah. Um, so it's hard. I mean, it's it's not an easy thing to do. And I understand why a lot of people don't want to do it, they don't want to ask the question, why do I do the things I do? Because it's layered, it's emotional, it's confusing, it's frustrating, and it's hard.

SPEAKER_00 27:09

Yeah, I can imagine if it's exhausting. Yes.

SPEAKER_05 27:12

Physically and mentally exhausting. That's exactly right.

SPEAKER_02 27:15

Mm-hmm. So that leads me to my next question. What would you say? Because this kind of like coincides, what would you say was the hardest part in the early stages of sobriety for you?

SPEAKER_05 27:30

Thinking that I deserved anything better. Because my I think my addiction was really just an accumulation of all the trauma in my life because I I was running from it. I I didn't want to deal with it. I didn't want to stop and think and cocaine, for those of you who don't know, is a great stimulant. Great in, you know, not good, great, but great as in a lot. Yeah. It gave me the energy to keep running, to keep like I was a high functioning addict. I mean, I got promoted at work, you know, I never went to jail. I kept custody of my daughter. Um, but it kept propelling me forward farther and farther away from from my hideous childhood. And it wasn't until I finally just stopped and thought to myself, you know, this this has got to change. And I exercised some level of compassion for myself, which I had never done prior, ever, ever shown myself any level of grace or compassion. And I did that one day. And then um I we don't have to go down this rabbit hole, but uh just some things suddenly were presented to me in my mind, kind of like a PowerPoint presentation of these isolated memories that I had that put together a picture of something really awful that had happened to me as a child. And it's like having, if I hadn't gotten addicted and gone into rehab, I wouldn't have been able to get to that point in my life where I'm not hating myself completely, and I wouldn't have released that information and I wouldn't be on this road to I don't even know what it's a road to, on this journey to like really accept yourself and love yourself and feel joy. Self-discovery, a new self-discovery. Absolutely. So, in so many ways, I'm grateful, you know, for for the addiction and the rehab because it helped me become who I'm supposed to be. I know that sounds weird, but it's true because I wouldn't be looking at myself so critically and trying to understand what I'm doing and have the compassion and the love for myself that I'm finally getting at age probably 53 in a couple weeks. So, you know, I'm grateful for that because I I don't think I would have ever stopped running otherwise.

SPEAKER_00 29:38

Yeah, no, I mean it's not crazy. Actually, it's actually I I feel like there are a lot of people that can relate to you in that sense because you know, without all that, like you said, you wouldn't be where you are. And you and I'll I'll say a high functioning addict is the most dangerous. The most dangerous because nothing stops you. It the addiction continues to feed those, you know, your your levels of achievement, your energy, you you know, you're doing all these other things. So it's like it I feel like being a high functioning addict is a lot harder to come out of rather than someone who's a you know not so high functioning.

SPEAKER_05 30:18

Yeah, because you know, absolutely, because it's almost like you can continue to justify the behavior. Yeah, like, well, look, look how much I'm getting done. I got promoted. You know, I it's not and it's not sustainable because there was gonna be an end game with it. Except and I didn't want to die. I mean, I I did for a long time. I've you know, I've suffered with suicidal ideations and depression basically my whole life, as far back as I can remember. Um, but but when you get real with yourself, it's it's really great how much you can start to understand yourself, love yourself, savage yourself.

SPEAKER_02 30:57

So I know you mentioned the nicotine now, but uh I know you're also sober from cocaine. Is there anything else that you're doing, or is it just it's just cocaine you're sober from? Is that the Yeah?

SPEAKER_05 31:10

I mean, I dream from time to time. Like alcohol, I was an alcohol abuser early in life, right? Um, like in college, I mean, I could I could drink most people under the table. So I was an alcohol abuser, not so much an alcoholic. Like I've never woken up in the morning thinking I need a drink. Um, my addiction was very specific to cocaine. Um, I'm not a weed person either. I don't I don't like the downer stuff.

SPEAKER_03 31:34

Like I like the stuff that rings out, you know.

SPEAKER_05 31:39

So fortunately, I didn't have those struggles. And and I've met many people, especially in rehab, that had, you know, alcohol addictions or pill addictions, opioids and stuff. And none of it's none of it's neat and clean and tidy when you start trying to figure it out.

SPEAKER_00 31:54

So you think rehab really like is something that you you felt really helped? Because I know that I've gone to an AA meeting before and I didn't really like the environment itself. Um do you yes, yeah, okay. So you would you advocate for rehab though, like is something that helped you, or did it make you feel like, uh, I'm I think I'm doing better than a lot.

SPEAKER_05 32:17

No, I I get what you're saying though, because I went to NA meeting and I was so triggered I had to leave. I never, I never did those meetings, you know. Like in rehab, we would do the AA thing, you know, recite whatever the saying is before every meeting and all that. But um the rehab that I went to I think was a little unusual because we called it trauma camp. We didn't talk about our addiction, we talked about our childhood trauma. Yeah, we started unpacking the fuel of the addiction. Addiction's not the problem, it's symptomatic of a bigger problem, your self-hatred, you know, the abuse that you endured. That is what needs to be unpacked. That needs to be healed, that needs to be acknowledged. And once you start addressing the real fucking problem, only then does the addiction dissipate. Because then I didn't have anything to run from. I wasn't scared anymore.

SPEAKER_02 33:09

Right, right. I love that they called it trauma camp. That's actually pretty cool because I think by going and going in deep and realizing what causes, how do we get here, what's the root, that's when you can really like find yourself and really look yourself in the eye. So I think that that's really cool.

SPEAKER_05 33:28

It was a wonderful experience. I I mean, I know it's weird to talk about rehab like being so great, but it it was it was transformative for me. And it's a place called the Refuge down in Ocala, Florida. So in case anybody needs to look it up, uh, highly recommend it. It's very, very wonderful physical environment. It's like out in the woods, it's very cool. Um Wow. Yeah. Did it feel like a little like retreat? Like, okay. Yeah. There's no phones, you know, it's all about you. I mean, it's you know, I know I felt very guilty. Uh I pushed off rehab for a while because I didn't want it to disrupt my my kids' lives so much, you know, because they had to stay with their dad and you know, my job. I mean, I'm very blessed because my employer has been nothing but supportive and kind. And so I've never had to worry about losing my job or anything like that. But uh, you know, rehab, it it it literally transforms your life.

SPEAKER_00 34:25

That's amazing to hear. And I guess that kind of transitions into like the next topic because like I want to get into the MILF manor experience, and I know like you had to take some time off. And and so there's a lot of times when people go onto reality TV shows and they have a hard time after you know becoming employed because of being on TV and being on a show, and so your employers knew you were good, you went on the show and they had no problems and it was just all good.

SPEAKER_05 34:56

Wow, yeah, yeah. I did I I did a conflict of interest inquiry with HR, uh, because we because I was compensated for it. And you know, obviously I don't work in that field, okay? I work in IT cloud services, so um, you know, I filled out the thing, told them what I was doing. Now, mind you, I didn't know I was gonna be on MILF Manor. I was told the name of the show was Northern Love, which was a little better than MILF Manor. It wasn't until we were, I was, and we we all thought we were on a show called Northern Love. We had no idea it was MILF Manor until the day before filming when we're in the hotel in Toronto. And the producer came and goes, Did you want to know what show you're on? And I looked at him like he was fucking hi. I was like, Yeah, Northern Love, I know what I'm doing. And he was like, No, you're on MILF Manor, season two. And I was like, What?

SPEAKER_02 35:44

That's crazy.

SPEAKER_05 35:45

What the f and my first thought was, yeah, I'm gonna get fired. And then I'm like, I'm like, you know, it's a very progressive company from Silicon Valley, you know, in California. They're very liberal. And um, I was like, no, I'll be fine. I'll be okay with it. Yeah, no one ever, and when I got back, like my co-workers knew I was gone, but nobody asked me anything about it. Like it rarely comes up. Oh, that's nice. And I I know some of them saw it, and like they may make a vague reference to it or whatever, but you know, it was no one treated me any different. No one, you know, it was just normal. I just was gone for a month and came back.

SPEAKER_00 36:20

I would imagine that if they've told you you were going to MILF Manor, you would have some type of hesitancy. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 36:28

I would not have done it. I'll be honest with you, I wouldn't have done it.

SPEAKER_02 36:31

Yeah, and your season, you got lucky it wasn't like your your kids coming on because I know season one, yeah, season one it was the moms and their sons, and then now season two is the dads and their sons. So yeah, you lucked out with that one. You would have definitely I did laugh.

SPEAKER_05 36:48

Yeah, because then there were age appropriate men. I was so relieved when they showed up because I was like, I am not, I wasn't connecting with any of the young ones other than in a maternal way. Right. I like wanted to mentor them, I didn't want to sleep with them.

SPEAKER_02 37:02

Yeah, but there were there were some that were connecting with them too, like in a romantic, intimate way as well.

SPEAKER_05 37:09

Yeah, and I mean no judgment, but yeah, for sure. It wasn't for me.

SPEAKER_02 37:13

It wasn't for me. Right. That's funny. Yeah, go ahead. So walk us through like your experience on the show because I know that they had a lot of like questionable challenges, but also like at some point you had left early. It was just like a whole roller coaster of emotions for you, like you know. So let us like walk us through that.

SPEAKER_05 37:35

Yeah, well, um, it was all I was filming for a few weeks, so it wasn't really a long duration thing. Um, and you know, every morning we would have to get up early. They, if we didn't get up, they woke us up and we had to mic. So we weren't allowed out of our rooms without a mic on. So like we got really close and intimate with the audio people because they have to like mic you and put it in your bra, or put it in your underwear, put it in your pants, or whatever. So we'd have to get all mic'd up, all dressed up, and then we go down, and then every day it was something new. Like we ne they never told us what was gonna happen or what we'd be doing. I mean, we found out when the viewers found out, like it just happened. And and I get why they do that, they like the drama of it all, right? Right the surprise factor and everything. But I mean, it was exhausting because we would film an all day, all evening, and then we would be up until like two or three in the morning. I think there was one morning I even saw like 3:30 on the clock. Wow. And so, you know, there was some alcohol, but it wasn't like a booze fest, you know what I mean? They wanted us to be in charge of our thinking and you know, they want people vomiting and blacking out. That doesn't that's not a good look.

SPEAKER_03 38:43

Right.

SPEAKER_05 38:43

Um, so they're they were very tightly controlling our alcohol consumption. So that was minimal for me anyway. Um, you know, they would give us shots of tequila before a uh a new challenge, and I would just, you know, so they would think I took it. Um and then we would, you know, finish filming and then it just started all over the next day. I mean, there were no days off, right? Because the clock was ticking, the money was changing, because you know, they've only got this for a certain amount of time, they don't want to pay people overtime, whatever. So we were like in it, get get done and get out. And so I left with six days still still to be filmed. And you know, when you get up there, the first thing you do, um, because we were in a hotel in Toronto because our our site was about an hour north of there. Um, they take your phone, your laptop, your passport, your computer. Like you have and they give you a PA's name and number that you can give your family and work if something emergent comes up. But um, but you're totally isolated. And I was in the hotel room by myself watching TV for like two days. I mean, we were doing interviews and crazy stuff in between, but I didn't have any contact with the other um cast members. I knew one of the other cast members because she was a friend of mine, and she's actually, I gave her name to the casting director, and she ended up being cast too. So um I knew I knew I would know at least one person. So when we meet for the first time, that's legitimately us meeting for the first time. So and I think a lot of people think that things are scripted, and I can I can honestly say, I don't know if anybody else can, but for myself, my words were my words, right? Nobody told me what to say or what to do. Now did a producer say, um, hey Lynette, Anthony's in the real feet room with Rebecca. You might want to go check on that. They were getting ready to get a reaction. You can always kind of tell what was hot because like you would be filming or something, you're sitting there talking, and um, the cameramen are there, and then all of a sudden all the cameramen would run. And I'm like, where the hell are they going? Oh, some drama? Okay. But um, you know, so I'm sure there was some guiding or guidance there from the producers with storylines or whatever, but I I didn't feel overly manipulated or staged or anything.

SPEAKER_00 41:05

So what I found interesting was that whenever you talk about production, so we cover reality TV and how I see production because I've never been in a reality TV show myself, but how I see them always is oh, they're production, they're they're shady, they're like not, you know, very they're a little messy sometimes. Uh, but the way you speak about them, it's very normal, like, you know, kind of humanize them, I guess. And you don't make them like such the bad guy. So you would say that, you know, production wasn't really shady with you, other than when the stuff you knew, you said they wanted a reaction, so they would probably, you know, say this and that. But uh I find it interesting that you're not really dogging them or oh no.

SPEAKER_05 41:49

I mean, they're good people, you know, they're just doing their job, right?

SPEAKER_02 41:53

Exactly.

SPEAKER_05 41:54

You know, and and I think I think one of the producers in particular, he was really trying to give me a heads up about Anthony because I was I was all in, you know. I don't do anything half-assed, whether I'm doing a lot of coke or I'm doing my job, like I'm doing it to the nth degree. So I was all in on Anthony, and you know, we would do these um like outtakes, like something would happen, they'd pull you outside and do like this one-on-one or what with you. And during that was the one where I first cried because I was like, oh my god, what if he's not being genuine? Like it didn't even occur to me up to that point that he was lying to me because I just I take people at face value. I I I think what they say is is what they mean. And he was kind of like, you know, and kind of guiding me away from that. So I think in some ways he was really trying to even protect me from some of it. So I I have no ill feelings toward production. Um, you know, I I keep in touch occasionally with one of the executive producers, and I I think they are very professional and I I respect the work that they do because this team is the team that does like the Bachelor, the Bachelorette, the Golden Sack.

SPEAKER_01 42:57

Okay, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 42:57

Yeah, Peter Geist was our showrunner. So um I think they did an exceptional job, especially when you look at season one.

SPEAKER_02 43:05

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It it compared to season one, it was definitely a little bit more they learned from season one. Um so I guess like my next question for you would be I know you mentioned Rebecca, you mentioned you know, Anthony and all of that. I guess why did you ever confront Anthony at any point in time during the show? No, no, okay.

SPEAKER_05 43:28

I'm not a confronter, I just reward you with my absence. Right. I get the fuck out. And that's exactly what I did.

SPEAKER_03 43:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 43:36

And interestingly enough, when um when everybody got out once filming was done, he FaceTimed me and he said, You're the first I just got my phone back, you're the first person on FaceTiming. And I was like, Oh, I still feel so special. Yeah, he was like, Are you okay? Blah blah blah. And we were talking, he's like, I really want to see you. I want you to come up to the shore and spend a weekend. What? Like We were picking dates, and he was telling me which airport to fly into. And um I finally like we were just going back and forth, and I said, Okay, well, just tell me, you know, date dates. Like I'm free this weekend, just pick a weekend. And then he ghosted me, and I never heard from him again.

SPEAKER_02 44:19

I'm okay. So that's yeah, no, that's really wild considering everything that he already did on TV and like how you felt and how the emotional breakdown that you went through, and then the audacity to call you and say, I want to see you again, but then never follow up. So now my next question do you think you were getting real Anthony or you were getting like TV Anthony, like he was doing all this for cameras and a storyline?

SPEAKER_05 44:44

I mean, I think I think he kind of went back and forth between being himself and maximizing the drama for the sake of the show.

SPEAKER_02 44:54

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 44:55

Um, but I think you know, a lot of a lot of his natural personality definitely was there. I mean, he's a very charismatic guy. I mean, he's kind of like, you know. Um, but yeah, I mean I it's like when that when people show you who they are the first time, fucking believe it. Yeah, 100%.

SPEAKER_00 45:11

Yeah, 100%. I'm surprised you continued after that.

SPEAKER_05 45:14

Right, me too. Now, y'all, I didn't know all the shit was going on with him and Rebecca. I didn't know until the show aired.

SPEAKER_02 45:22

Oh.

SPEAKER_05 45:24

So Kelly didn't tell you. I had no idea. I mean, I knew that he was obviously like moving in her direction. I had no idea about the paint and like when he was like kissing her ass or something. And I had no idea he had that much interest in her because he's telling me, you know, I just like you. You're amazing. Oh my god. Exactly. And so, you know, he's just like he's like, you know, I wanted to ask you out on the date, but the the producers made me take her like just lies.

SPEAKER_02 45:55

Bold face, just like back and forth lies for sure. Bold face.

SPEAKER_05 46:00

But again, I don't think he's a bad guy. I think he was he was playing the game that's gonna be a good one. Play a play.

SPEAKER_02 46:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 46:06

I mean, you know, and he's a good person, I'm sure. Um, I just you know, it wasn't a good fit with me.

SPEAKER_02 46:12

Right. So when you left the show early, do you think that the situation with Anthony kind of like triggered some traumas for you?

unknown 46:19

Oh, yeah. Of course.

SPEAKER_05 46:21

Absolutely, without a doubt. I was so triggered that night. And I I had a couple glasses of wine, so I was definitely speaking more freely than I normally would. But yeah, it just immediately took me back to my childhood of feeling unwanted, unloved, not enough. You know, that no one's gonna choose me. And um it was it was hurtful, and it really makes me come to terms with the fact that, you know, I'm not young anymore. I'm 53. You know, the likelihood of me finding a life partner at this point, the odds are not in my favor. And so I was still struggling with the idea of growing old alone. And so, I mean, I still struggle struggle sometimes with that, but now I'm more like I like being alone. Right, I'm a pretty cool fucking person to hang out with, you know, like I have a good time. I don't need somebody else to make me happy or to complete me. I'm a complete whole person myself. You know, I got a great job, I make you know money, and my kids are healthy and smart and beautiful. I mean, like I have so many other things to be so grateful for. I'm not gonna harp on the one thing in my life that maybe isn't perfect.

SPEAKER_00 47:31

And that's kind of a great place to be because I know for you know it's hard to get to that place. So that's nice that you that you were able to get to that point. Um, I I am curious though, because you are like about my mom's age, and and it's interesting because you guys didn't grow up in a time of social media where it was as big as it is now. So I can imagine, like, bring me to like just bring me through what it's like to be someone at 50, going into a reality TV show, not knowing the repercussions, like I can imagine. Was there some type of uh embarrassment of like having that on TV and then social media making it bigger, then what you know, having it go viral and stuff like that? Describe as a as someone who's older who didn't grow up in that time, having to learn that in real time.

SPEAKER_05 48:21

Absolutely. Because I mean, all of this is new to me. Like I I've never been on TV, I've never done anything like this. This is completely out of scope for me. And you you have to realize too that we filmed in September of 2023. The show was in post-production for like nine months and didn't come out until I think it was the end of March, first of April, or end of April, first of June. I actually can't maybe some time in that that time frame. So I had nine months to sit there and go, oh my God, what are they gonna show? We didn't know. Like we didn't know what was gonna happen until the show aired. And I'm like, how are they gonna frame it? Like, what did I say? Like I said, I said a lot more. I said a lot of shit. And um, I will say, I think the producers and the editors were very kind to me because I think they made an effort to like show my better stuff because you know, I I think they were sympathetic and they kind of wanted me to be a more likable character, you know, as opposed to like somebody like Kelly. So yeah, it was it was very perplexing. And then it and then at some point I was like, you know, fuck it. This isn't my livelihood, it's not affecting my job, my money, my life. Like I can just turn the TV off. I can just not watch tick, you know, TikToks or something. So um, but it there was a lot of anxiety there for a while for sure.

SPEAKER_00 49:42

And the criticism, did you how did you handle the criticism? I could imagine.

SPEAKER_05 49:47

Well, a lot of the criticism I actually agreed with because I would get comments like, that bitch needs therapy. I'm like, okay, okay. Like, no shit, Sherlock, really? Like, you know, or they would say, You you bet, you know, whatever, you're too emotional. I'm like, guys, I'm crazy and I got the paperwork to prove it. So there's really nothing more that you could say to me that I haven't already said to myself or already been told by others. So, you know, and then I realized too, when people, when people like take shots at you or degrade you, they're saying more about themselves than they are about you. Because it means that shit's top of mind for them because I am what you think you are what you think I am.

SPEAKER_00 50:30

Yeah, 100%.

SPEAKER_05 50:31

You know what I'm saying? Because you've got that on your mind because you're worried about yourself being it. So that's why you it's so readily available to toss out onto someone else.

SPEAKER_02 50:38

Yes, exactly.

SPEAKER_05 50:39

So, and yeah, so I don't give a shit, you know. I'm like, whatever. Freedom of speech.

SPEAKER_02 50:44

Right. Looking back, do you, you know, after watching the show after it came out, do you wish that there were some things that you would have handled differently, or you would have just done everything the same?

SPEAKER_05 50:55

I mean, honestly, I'm glad that I left. I really am, because emotionally and physically and mentally, like I I was I was tapping out because, you know, I was taking my meds and all of that, but it was it was just lack of sleep, lack of food. Um, because I, you know, you're always in a state of anxiety. Like I wasn't eating right, I wasn't sleeping right, and I, you know, I'm not young anymore. Like when you get older, that shit affects you. And so it was really, it really was time for me to leave. I I had had enough. And in retrospect, I think that was the right way to go. Now, did I have to be quite so dramatic and you know, and do all of that? No, but that's very typical in that. So I felt not in any other way, you know.

SPEAKER_00 51:39

Yeah, I was gonna say when you were describing like the three weeks, it sounded very fast-paced and very uh anxiety driven. It sounded chaotic. So I can imagine. Do you think that being in front of the cameras and being in that, you know, fast-paced life also contributed to that breakdown?

SPEAKER_05 51:56

Like absolutely, yeah, absolutely. It just uncovered things that I still need to work on for sure. Because I I shouldn't have gotten that upset about it. Let's be honest, right? But it wasn't just about a rejection or a potential rejection from one man. It it it reignited a lifelong existence of rejection by men and and dealing with those underlying feelings of I'm not enough, I'm I'm trash, I'm not attractive, I'm dumb. I mean, these are all the things that always scrolled through my head. I would look in the mirror and be like, oh god, you're so gross. Like, oh my god, you're fat. Oh my god, you're too thin. Oh my god, your hair looks like shit. Like there was a constant critique of myself, you know, playing over and over. And and for decades, like this is ingrained in my brain. And so that's that's why I was so sensitive to it. Because it just reignited all of it.

SPEAKER_00 52:52

It makes sense given, like, again, uh, with like you sharing your past and like, you know, from not being enough when your father wasn't there, and then your mom, you know, saying words that you know, not encouraging words, you know, and then you over you compensating for it by being an overachiever. I mean, it makes total sense now, knowing your your, you know, your past, why that would because if someone's just watching the show and they're just looking at you, they're just like, okay, she's being rejected, that's so extra.

SPEAKER_05 53:22

But you know, when you know I've been called extra a lot.

SPEAKER_01 53:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 53:28

It's okay. Extra is good. Right.

SPEAKER_02 53:32

So it seems like leaving the show was an empowering moment for you, for sure. Um, so do you think that I guess being on this reality TV show kind of like forced you to look at yourself instead of hiding from certain versions of yourself?

SPEAKER_05 53:47

Oh wow, that's a really good point. That's a great question. It really is, because I sometimes as as real as I can be, I'm not always real with myself, you know? And I really had to kind of take a step back and again ask why. Why do I behave the way I behave? Like, how can I not only why, I mean, understanding and acknowledgement is one step, but changing the behavior. You know, I'm like, Lynette, you had to get up on national TV. I mean, I have people from Brazil and like all over the world that like hear me. And I'm like, where is this show filming? Like, is it everywhere? So, like, did I have to do it on such a big stage? And then I think, quite frankly, yeah, because that's that's in keeping with me.

SPEAKER_01 54:30

Like, every same character for sure. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 54:33

So I'm like, well, this is consistent at least. But you know, I think it did, it did kind of help me along the way, you know, with my journey of of understanding and changing behavior and trying to be a better version of myself.

SPEAKER_02 54:45

Right. Right. So I know on the show you also mentioned that you always fall for the fixer uppers. You like a fixer upper, right? Do you think that your experience from this show? Can we say that we are done with the fixer uppers? We're we're done. Period. Done.

SPEAKER_05 55:02

I am no longer part of the construction crew.

SPEAKER_02 55:05

Thank God. Thank God. I'm rooting for you.

SPEAKER_05 55:09

Thank you. Well, it's because like I'm I'm a whole person. I mean, I'm I'm getting there, right? And like I I want another whole person to show up.

SPEAKER_01 55:19

Yes.

SPEAKER_05 55:19

You know, it's and it's kind of arrogant, frankly, of myself to think that I can fix people. I mean, like, fuck, if you can't even fix yourself, why did I think I could fix it? But that's not considered bad. I agree. I agree. And I think so also I think it was a way for me to prove, see what a good person I am. I'm not evil, I'm not bad, like I've always been told my whole life. You know, I'm helping them. There was some, you know, like secondhand something going on there. But you know, I still have compassion for people. I still want to help people, but um, I don't see it as my responsibility anymore. And I'm getting really good at like putting up boundaries and telling people who do not add anything to my life, fuck off. Like I'm done with you. And sometimes I don't even give them an explanation, I just block them.

SPEAKER_01 56:07

Yes, as you should. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 56:09

I'm like, if you don't elevate me, then we're no longer part of the story. So I just block you, and then I don't owe them anything.

SPEAKER_02 56:17

Yeah. Yeah. And I'm happy you said that because I feel like there are so many women that don't get to your point where they learn that about themselves, where they do the internal work. So they continue making these same mistakes, ending back in the same situation. And they're like, why me? Why me? But it's like, look at yourself, you know, look at me, look at the internal part first. So I'm happy that you are done with the fixer uppers because I can't, I can't. So now my other question for you is now currently in your life, like how do you define intimacy like with relationships?

SPEAKER_05 56:56

I'll be honest, it's something I still struggle with, you know. Um, I I don't have a boyfriend, I'm not looking for a boyfriend. Like, and then like the whole hormonal component of this shit, like where your libido takes a vacation and she just has to come back.

SPEAKER_01 57:11

It is very true.

SPEAKER_05 57:12

I'm like, I'm like, I'm good without a man, frankly. Like, so I don't really worry about that intimacy, but I think I'm preparing myself to be able to have the capacity to be more intimate once I can get a little farther down the road in this journey. Um but I but it's not something I'm actively seeking out. And intimacy doesn't always have to be with, you know, a romantic partner, it can also be with your friends and with yourself, you know. And so um I have I have a very small circle of people in my life. I mean, I'm talking less than five, you know, and I am very vulnerable to them because I trust them and they trust me. So, and with respect to that, I think I I'm doing well with some intimacy, but it continues to be difficult for me for sure.

SPEAKER_02 57:58

Okay, so I know you said you're not dating, you're not looking for anybody. That's that. Um I guess like what would now that you are in this healthy place, right? What are your non-negotiables? And that could be for friendships, that could be for relationships, because I feel like we all kind of have those relationship factors where we kind of have to set boundaries and we fail to do that. So I guess what are your non-negotiables now when dealing with anyone?

SPEAKER_05 58:24

I don't want to get political. Okay. Um, but people that don't align with my views on the world, um that's a hard, hard stop for me. Because it's not about politics anymore, it's about humanity or lack thereof.

SPEAKER_01 58:39

Yes.

SPEAKER_05 58:40

And I I'm beyond wanting to hear an argument for the other side because there is no legitimate argument that could justify what some people are doing in this world. So that is a hard stop. And it's not like every time I meet someone, I'm like, hey, who'd you vote for? It's like it's like I it it comes out pretty quickly and pretty clearly. It does, it does. And then I'm able to just like exit stage left. Like those those kind of people just don't get my attention. Like I I I just can't even go there.

SPEAKER_00 59:10

You know, it's a good non-negotiable.

SPEAKER_05 59:13

So and it's not that I don't respect other versions or other opinions or other perspectives, I do. Um, but you know, there are some things that are not ambiguous, in my opinion.

SPEAKER_00 59:25

I agree. I agree, I agree wholeheartedly. And when you're not open to conversations or you're not able to even get like there are some people that can't even uh get to the point where they can agree to disagree. So and I you see a lot of common in on on whatever side, there's you know, those type of people, and whatever side it is, it's just like okay, well, we don't need to be having conversations, right?

SPEAKER_01 59:49

Right, right, right, right.

SPEAKER_05 59:51

Well, it's still not the guy, you've got to be the kind of person though to know that you don't know everything.

SPEAKER_01 59:55

Right.

SPEAKER_05 59:56

Like if I get if I get new information, I will certainly change my opinion on something.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:01

Right, correct.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:02

And I have that flexibility. Those that don't, that's a red flag.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:05

Oh, big, big red flag.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:07

And you see that a lot of time too, like on the internet, the way people comment on certain things, the way they'll just run with things, and then it there's never just like a healthy discussion on something. It always has to be just like a really negative, bashing type of commentary instead of us just going back and forth having a simple debate about something. Like, why did you have to come for like my looks or something? Like, I don't know, like you know what I mean? Like, they don't have nothing to do with the conversation.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:31

Exactly, it's distraction because they don't have anything of value or relevance to provide. So they go to something to try to elevate your emotional state. Exactly. Like, it's like it's such a childish way to and that's what happens a lot too.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:46

Like, the more you're in the public eye and you're in the limelight, and people are seeing you, and you know, and they're just running with different things. And that definitely transitions us now into this next stage of questions that we are going to ask about, you know, what happened in the media with like you and Little Wayne and things like that. So, yes, ma'am. We are we are going to get into that now. Are you prepared?

SPEAKER_04 1:01:17

Yeah, let me have debate first. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:20

So I did see the story about how he DM'd you, you weren't sure, you thought this was like a scam, then you thought it was um uh like their his PR team, and he wasn't sure it was him. Then he gives you the number and you FaceTime him and he shows it's him. Now I'm curious to know because you said you're from North Carolina, you know, small town vibes, never really got out until college. Um and you ain't even know who Lil Wayne is, which is crazy, because I mean that's Lil Wayne, you know what I mean? So it's like explain, like just describe the experience. Because I would ex I would imagine maybe a little bit of culture shock a little bit, right? Or like just a totally different lifestyle. How is that going from like knowing what you know and then you're with Lil Wayne? Like how what is how does that look feel?

SPEAKER_05 1:02:12

Like getting flown out, like it was it was very bizarre. Um, I I can say though that he's such an incredibly bright and intelligent. I mean, he's he's a prodigy, you know, and he's a a little eclectic. Um, but just with me, he was he was very down to earth. He was he was relatable in some ways. Um he's just a very kind-natured person, which I think that kind of caught me off guard a little bit. Um, he's a very expressive person, which that didn't, you know, surprise me. But I had never listened to his music. I I couldn't even name a song of his or an album. I mean, I know the Carter Six because there was all the hubbub about it coming out, and I didn't know there was a Carter V or a four. I like I didn't know. And and maybe that was part of the appeal on his side because I didn't fangirl him. I wasn't like, oh my god, oh my god, you know, I was just like I treated him like a normal person because you know, I'm like, the music, that's what you do, that's not who you are.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:12

Right.

SPEAKER_05 1:03:12

So I'm here to find out about who you are, you know, and um, but that's you know, one of the ways he expresses himself, and you know, he shared some of it, and you know, it was it was just a neat experience. And obviously, yeah, there were some things that, you know, let's be honest, he was a little out of touch. Like I was on an air, I was on a commercial flight, and he's like, I think I don't know if he was in the air or on the ground, and he's like, Call me. And I was like, dude, I'm not on a private plane, like I can't just call you. Like I can text, but I cannot call you. And so that was kind of like certain things like that would come up. Um, but yeah, I mean, I I have nothing nothing negative to say, but there is a fundamental incompatibility between us that you know, I mean, I'll consider him a friend, certainly.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:59

You know. Now, like I okay, so I know that okay, when when the story got out, uh you were at a bar and you just told a stranger the story and then they aired out your business. Is that how it went down?

SPEAKER_05 1:04:17

Yeah, more or less. I I had been stood up that night. Or maybe the guy came and saw me and left. I don't know. Um, so I was sitting at the bar and I I was a few drinks in, and I don't know, I I I honestly don't remember. It wasn't like I was just blurting it out. Right, not what I lead with. Um and we were maybe a song of his came on or something came up, and I was like, Yeah, I know him. And she was like, No, you don't.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:43

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:04:44

And I was like, Oh, okay, you know, and she's like, Do you know? And she was a huge fan, so she would not let it die.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:50

Oh, and I'm that makes a lot of sense. Like, what are the things?

SPEAKER_05 1:04:55

I was like, Yeah, I can call him right now. Yeah, I was like, I'll call him right now. So it kind of was like an ego thing, like, fuck you, you don't believe me? Well, let me show you, bitch. So then I find them and he answered. And he was like, Hey babe, what's up? And I'm like, see, bitch. Okay, what's up? And he was in the middle of something. So we talked for like maybe 30 seconds or a minute, and then you know, she's recording me talking to him and stuff, and you know, I wasn't necessarily discreet about it, and you know, because that's new to me too. Like, I didn't know that maybe I should be putting because I was kind of like, ooh, feeling picked, you know, I was like, ooh, feeling special. And so I kind of wanted some people to know about it. And uh, I guess I was van girling at that point, but anyway, so you know, I I I didn't make a big deal about it because I I don't think that people would look at it, and I guess it did kind of catch on, and people found out, and you know, he wasn't too happy about it. So I, you know, I from that point forward, I don't I don't post anything about him, I don't talk about him, you know, like him sitting at a bar or anything, you know.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:56

Right, right, right, right.

SPEAKER_05 1:05:57

More respectful.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:00

It like that, right? Because going back to being like, you know, you're older didn't grow up in social media. So who you're not thinking like this one person here is gonna post it up in your head and it's gonna catch track and like who's thinking like that?

SPEAKER_05 1:06:14

No idea. No, I mean I did not, yeah, I I did I wasn't thinking through what I was doing that part. You're right, because I didn't grow up with it, so I I don't think that would ever happen to me.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:23

Right. I am curious to know though. So like I know that when I found it, and this is just my opinion, I know it's not a reflection of how you view uh Lil Wayne, but I did find it weird, right? Because like on the show, you look like you were going through shit, and you look like you were like in a vulnerable place emotionally and like in your personal life. And so I've I kind of side-eyed the fact that when I was like doing research that that Lil Wayne went into your DMs and said you were his character, his favorite, like uh, you know, per uh on the show. Cast yeah, right castmate on the show because and it's not no judgment on the fact that you're not personable, because obviously you are, you're very, you know, personal, very charismatic, very entertaining. But I found it weird because you were also the only one that kind of had like a mental breakdown and left early. And then I I just wonder, like, for me, and if you don't feel comfortable answering, that's totally fine. But for me, it just felt like you know, there are some men that whether they realize it or not, they kind of like when they see somebody in a vulnerable place and they like to take advantage of that or find it maybe it's easier, maybe they can be, maybe they have a savior complex, whatever the their reasoning is, is their reasoning. But I did find it kind of odd, especially because like he's married, right, and has his own thing. And not anymore.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:48

No. Oh, he was not anymore. No.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:50

Well, but I I found it kind of like interesting. Like, why was she your favorite? Like, was it because she was vulnerable? I don't know, but I don't know. I did find that kind of like a side-eye moment for me.

SPEAKER_05 1:08:02

No, that's totally legit. And I'll be honest, that's not something I necessarily thought of that way. You know, that's a very good point. And I don't know, it was so much that he was taking advantage, but maybe he saw some familiar things going on there. Um, because we have had some some talks about things, and um, as much as we are different, we're alike, uh, as far as some of the experiences um, you know, early in life. So uh maybe that's what he connected with. Um, I never ever felt taken advantage of or exploited. Um you know, and I told him, I was like, look, I was like, I hear about these girls that get flown out, you know, these Instagram girls, and then like the guy gives them like $15,000 or something. I'm like, look, I'm not here for your money. You ain't gotta buy me a Chanel bag. Like, if I want a Chanel bag, I'll go buy my own fucking bag. Like, I don't need that shit from you. I was like, I I'm here to get to know you the person. You you know your money's great, but you know, I don't give a fuck how much money you got, unless you want to give it all to me, then I'll scare you. But if your money's your money, and I don't, it has nothing to do with me, you know.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:10

I'm sure that has something to do with the appeal towards you as well. Like you treated him like a normal human being. Right.

SPEAKER_05 1:09:16

Right I tried to, you know, I really did.

SPEAKER_02 1:09:19

Right. So going back to that situation that happened at the bar, do you regret FaceTiming him or no? You're just like, no, fuck you, bitch.

SPEAKER_04 1:09:27

No, and she was a nice girl.

SPEAKER_05 1:09:29

Like, you know, that was just me being on probably an ego trip. And because it's kind of like, you know, when something really big's going on in your life and you can't talk about it, you feel like you've gotten super sometimes it kind of just comes out because you know, if it's some especially if it's something you're excited about, you kind of want to share it with people. And um, yeah, in retrospect, probably not the best way to go about it. Because see, he's not on social media, so he didn't see any of that. It was another call that told him about it. So I'm like, and then you know, he's like, take down all your stuff. And I'm like, well, first of all, bitch, you don't get to tell me what to do. I will do it because now I understand how you feel about it. I will have to do that and be respectful of your privacy. And I apologize to him for you know putting his shit out there like I did. And I said, you know, I'm really sorry, you know, I'm kind of new to this. Like, you know, can I get a pass? And you know, and he was very pol he was nice about it, but he was very emphatic. Like, we, you know, not no, that won't happen again.

SPEAKER_02 1:10:29

Yeah. So do you think like that whole situation that definitely taught you something just about like dating and privacy and things like that, especially with you being on the show and then social media just dragging things and you not being used to social media, and now you're exposed in this new light. You definitely, okay, got it.

SPEAKER_05 1:10:47

It's yeah, it's a lot. It's a lot because you know, I still think of myself as this little small town girl from Western North Carolina. Like, who gives a shit about me? Like, yeah, why do people want to know what I'm doing? You know, I mean, it's flattering, you know, and it's it's it's validating to some degree. But you know, there's so much more to my life and who I am than that.

SPEAKER_02 1:11:08

Right. Right, for sure.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:11

Yeah, that didn't that with Denise Bidot?

SPEAKER_02 1:11:14

So this whole thing, right? Yes, we we have the right. You see, I see the eye roll, you already know. Um girl. Yes. So she's Denise Bidot, I guess at the time was the girlfriend, and there was a situation that had happened between them that had circulated the media, but obviously when it circulated about you and Wayne, she publicly went on the internet and called you a home wrecker. Um, what was your reaction when you first saw that? One and two, did she ever confront you personally?

SPEAKER_05 1:11:49

Well, number one, you have to have a home to wreck before you're called a home wrecker. Number two, no, she never confronted me personally. But some of her followers DM'd the hell out of me. Um number three, I don't know how the hell she found out. Because I was literally in the air on my way to LA. And when, and then it was like if they could have turned the plane around, they would have. Um, so I was just, I was flabbergasted because I was like, why is she trying to call me out? And then she went on to say a bunch of things like I, you know, I I don't have nothing, I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:26

That have nothing to do with you, right?

SPEAKER_05 1:12:28

Yeah, none of that has anything. I mean, there was no illusion of um monogamy. Right.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:35

Like I'm like, are you late to the show? She didn't understand the assignment.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:45

But I did.

SPEAKER_05 1:12:49

Yeah, and yeah, uh, I I I think, yeah, anyway. Uh yeah, it's it was it was it was a very upsetting time for me because it was something I I wasn't prepared for. And um yeah, in Wayne's side, that just went quiet. So I didn't really have a lot of guidance on how to deal with that. And the way I deal with things like that is I I isolate, I self-isolate, I push people away because it's like I've got I've got to deal with all the emotion by myself. Like I was never comforted as a child. I, you know, I was ridiculed for emotion. So I would always hide because I part of it is that I just I don't want people to see what I may go through because it ain't pretty, you know, and and I don't like people seeing that, you know, broken side of me. Like it I need to do this in private. And so it yeah, that was a tough plane ride home the next day. So um I I it's really unfortunate that things happened that way. It was unfortunate that it was shared so publicly when I think stuff like that really is between individuals that need to be, you know, communicating directly. Um I think it's easy to point the finger at somebody else, right? Um, but at the end of the day, I'm only accountable for my behavior.

SPEAKER_02 1:14:02

Right.

SPEAKER_05 1:14:04

You know.

SPEAKER_02 1:14:04

Right. So I guess now that you know that's out the way, like how was your time with Wayne? Was it more like fun, chaotic, emotional, or was it just like down to earth, chill?

SPEAKER_05 1:14:16

Yeah, it was it was pretty chill.

SPEAKER_02 1:14:18

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 1:14:19

It was pretty uh surprisingly. I mean, he's he's I have nothing bad to say about the guy. He's a great guy. He's he's interesting, he's talented, he's his mastery of the English language is amazing.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:32

He's very smart.

SPEAKER_05 1:14:33

He really is, and and he's he was at moments surprisingly relatable. And then you know there'd be something else that'd be like, oh god, you're so out of touch. But there's but most of the time, I mean, he he he's just a nice, a nice person. He's got a big heart, you know. Um, so I would you know that was kind of surprising. And I mean there is an element of narcissism there, but I think we all have some level or some characteristics of narcissism, right? That's not a bad thing. Uh and but you have to be to be that successful.

SPEAKER_00 1:15:05

I was gonna say, yeah, when you're that big, yeah, it kind of comes with the territory. Yeah. Oh you froze.

SPEAKER_05 1:15:16

Nice guy.

SPEAKER_02 1:15:18

What was the last part? Because you froze on our end.

SPEAKER_05 1:15:21

Oh, sorry. Um, I just said yeah. I said he's a nice guy. You know, I don't regret any of it.

SPEAKER_00 1:15:26

How long were you were you seeing each other for? Was it long?

SPEAKER_05 1:15:31

Well, what do you define seeing? Like um hanging out, hanging out. Um, like it would happen and then it would be maybe a couple weeks, a couple months would go by. Um, we may exchange a few like it wasn't it's not like hot and heavy or anything like that. So it was yeah, it was I would I would describe it as casual and fun.

SPEAKER_02 1:15:52

Okay, okay. And basically all the things that you were seeing about him, like the good qualities about him, that's what drew you to him as the person, and not so much because you said you're not there for the celebrity status, you're not there for the money, you're not there for none of that. Just like you're a cool guy, and that was it.

SPEAKER_05 1:16:08

Yeah, I mean, and well, he could does kind of fit my demographic because you know, like black dude, dreads, you know, that's appealing. That's your type? That's cool. Yeah, that's my time. So, you know, from that standpoint, it's not totally out of character. But but and also there was a curiosity that I had about somebody that lives so big, you know.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:31

I can imagine. This is so cool, you know.

SPEAKER_05 1:16:34

And anyway, yeah, I just uh yeah, I I I'm afraid to say too much.

SPEAKER_02 1:16:40

No, I understand. I understand. Well, that wraps up the questions on Did you have any more questions on that or no? You good? All right, cool. So now that we have gone through your entire journey from early childhood to the show to your sobriety to the limelight, social media, public eye bullshit, right? Um, today, what does a healthy love look like for you today? Maybe that you didn't understand before.

SPEAKER_05 1:17:12

Like a romantic?

SPEAKER_02 1:17:13

Yes.

SPEAKER_05 1:17:14

Um, it's it's me being whole and the other person being a total grown-up whole person too.

SPEAKER_04 1:17:22

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 1:17:23

Now, I obviously you're gonna grow together, but it's like I'm looking for someone at that same like mental or emotional maturity state. Now I'm again, I'm not saying I'm emotionally mature because I still like act out like crazy, but uh but I I need to see someone at least at my level. I'm tired of looking for people that are beneath my level of progress or journey, you know. I'm not saying I'm better, I'm just a little farther down the road. Right. So I need somebody who's kind of in the same space as me, you know, and you know, this whole what do you bring to the table? Fuck that shit. I got my own table out of my table. I built the fucking table. You know, so I'm not worried about, you know, I I think they need to be like somewhat in the same socioeconomic bracket that I'm in. Yeah, yeah. You know, and they need to add value to my life and they need to not take something away from it.

SPEAKER_01 1:18:15

Right.

SPEAKER_05 1:18:16

And I think that's what like romantic love looks like for me currently.

SPEAKER_00 1:18:22

Do you did you do you think that being on TV, well, not do you think, did being on TV open doors for you that you didn't think would be open, or did it just kind of go and then it left?

SPEAKER_05 1:18:34

Yeah, it just kind of came and went. I mean, I did do a lot of podcasts, and that was helpful because you know, the whole being on the reality show thing opened the door for me, right? And then I was able to get in and obviously talk about some of the trauma in my life and hopefully people could relate and like start normalizing the conversations about things like mental illness and addiction and recovery and childhood trauma. And so I, you know, I hit that really hard and then I kind of hit a downslope with my own mental health, and I just had to like pull back for a while. Um, so it did give me some of those opportunities, but you know, I'm not looking to be on like another reality show or do anything like that. I really what I really want to do is continue to share my story in the hopes that it reaches someone that they can go, well, hell, she went through a lot and she's still smiling. You know, give people hope that it will get better. Yeah, don't bleed your mind, your mind will trick you. You know, it it this too shall pass. And so, you know, I'm not really sure exactly how I need to get that message out better. I mean, I've started writing a book. I mean, it could call like writing shit down a book, but um, but I really want to because my mother uh gave me a lot of her writings, and um, I would love to be able to incorporate that into something that I could publish. So that would be beautiful. We'll see. We'll see.

SPEAKER_00 1:19:54

I and I notice that you do like doing podcasts a lot. You ever thought or considered doing your own podcast?

SPEAKER_05 1:20:00

I have, but God, I don't know. Yeah, I I I have I've had those discussions a lot. I think I just need to to have someone help guide me because I don't even know where to start. You know, I don't even know what the first step is. So if I had like a roadmap or a a business plan that I could execute on, I would be more likely. Because right now it's just overwhelming. Maybe maybe I don't need to tap into you.

SPEAKER_00 1:20:24

No, absolutely, yeah, absolutely understand. I mean, uh what a lot of people don't understand is that podcasting is a lot of work, it's a business within itself. So I can understand, you know, someone like I said didn't grow up with the social media. We produce everything in-house. So if we didn't have that, I wouldn't, we'd be lost. Right. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:20:47

That's awesome. Yeah. You guys are doing a great job. Happy for you.

SPEAKER_02 1:20:51

Thank you. Yeah. So I know that you said you were writing a book, like and you're writing stuff down. Was there a moment where why are you laughing? Was there a moment where there was, you know, was there a story or part of your story that was the hardest to put on paper?

SPEAKER_05 1:21:08

Um the hardest thing I've because when I was rehab, I did a ton of writing. Um it was it was the apology letter to my mother. Like I apologized to my mother. And I apologized about my mother. You know, I said I'm, you know, I I was able to say the things that I didn't get to say while she was alive. That was hard. I just reread that like a few days ago. And um, it was like, you know, I'm sorry that you were so hurt. I'm sorry, you know, I won't get into it, it'll make me emotional.

SPEAKER_00 1:21:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:21:44

Yeah, it's my mom.

SPEAKER_00 1:21:46

Yeah, okay. Especially because again, you when she passed away, like you weren't able, you didn't really, you know, you weren't in terms. So I can imagine that being a big load on that, you know what I mean? Having to do a lot more healing in that sense. Uh, but I do I do appreciate again you sharing your story because it's so like your story is a lot more relatable than I pretty sure you can imagine. Like, you know what I mean? Like we all go through our own traumas and our own stuff, and then when you start to speak about it, you realize like wow, we're not the same, but we have similarities and experience a lot of similar things, and people hearing your story can be healing, right? And it's brave to be able to tell your story because uh it's not easy, especially you know, you've been through a lot.

SPEAKER_05 1:22:33

So I appreciate that, and it's it's just another example of how we're all so much more alike than we are different, right?

SPEAKER_02 1:22:41

Bringing that back to the first thing that we said. So, like what's what's what's next for you? Like, you know, does it involve business, TV, or even peace? Like, what's next for Lynette West?

SPEAKER_05 1:22:57

God, you know, I used to be really good at setting goals for myself, and then I I met all my goals and I haven't set new ones. So I'm kind of I feel stuck in some ways. Um, so I think really what is in my immediate future is just taking a hard look at like, where do I want to be in five years? Where do I want to be in 10 years? And start establishing those goals so I can start doing the work to get me there. It's really like I need to start being more live intentionally. Because right now I'm I'm just kind of like floating through everything's comfortable, everything's good. Um, you know, I'm in a very transitionary period because my, you know, my son's moved out, he's got his own apartment, my daughter is a sophomore at LSU, she'll be, you know, growing up and moving off. And um I've I've really got to redefine what it means to be me, you know, because like I'm a mom, but uh they don't need me so much anymore.

SPEAKER_03 1:23:51

Right.

SPEAKER_05 1:23:52

And that's gonna be a really hard transition because it's like I'm I'm used to being defined as a mom first, right? You know, that being like top of mind. So and then continuing on this journey, obviously, of of self-exploration and self-understanding. Um I mean, I I have so many self-help that's I need to read, it's ridiculous. So reading is definitely my future. Um, but yeah, but I I think really just trying to figure out exactly where I'm gonna go and how I'm gonna get there.

SPEAKER_00 1:24:19

Yeah, that's like uh learning therapy recently that it's like uh that we all go through life cycles, and as a mother, you experience the the flying from the the nest life cycle where your kids they leave, and now you kind of have to redefine what you are as a person and get to know yourself differently because for so long all you were was just the mom, and you know, and it's interesting, you know. Like I said, like you are like uh think a couple years younger than my mom. And so a lot of the things that I hear you speaking about, it's so funny that she's, I guess, you know, going through the same thing.

SPEAKER_05 1:24:57

Exactly. Exactly. It's like to be a good mom, you've prepared your children to go off into the world. So you literally are teaching them how to leave you. Right, you can't be selfish in that, right? Because I would love to like move to Baton Rouge and be two miles from the campus, you know, but I can't do that. I've got to let her and my and my son grow and be the people they're supposed to be.

SPEAKER_01 1:25:21

And right.

SPEAKER_05 1:25:22

So I I have to kind of take my foot off the gas and kind of step back and you know, and I'm all all about buying their love. Um, but it's like just being that person that can support them when they ask for it and and redefining those relationships because it's hard. I mean, that it's such a transition. Um, you know, sometimes I get it right, sometimes I don't. But but I yeah, be kind to your mom because it's it's a real thing, and not a lot of people talk about it.

SPEAKER_00 1:25:49

No, they don't, which is why I said podcasts might be up your alley because I just feel like you have a lot of uh a lot of important stories and wisdom to share. And like even in your journey now, you're learning, there's a lot of mothers that you know they don't have that outlet to relate to. You know, it's something that you just talk about and they go through it. I didn't even know it was a thing until, like I said, you know, you learn about it in therapy. When I was in therapy, that my therapist explained that to me. And I was just like, Oh, I'm not a mom, I'm not thinking like that. You know, like I I didn't even think that was it was that deep, but it is, it is deep, right?

SPEAKER_05 1:26:29

No, but I can see from your perspective, yeah, it's like, huh? What's the big deal? I moved out.

SPEAKER_01 1:26:34

Yeah, yeah, yeah. For sure. Wow.

SPEAKER_00 1:26:38

Well, thank you. I really appreciate getting to know you and sharing your story. Uh as you're you're freaking awesome. I really do. Yes. Appreciate it.

SPEAKER_02 1:26:47

You're very kind of appreciated as well. I guess the last thing that I want to ask you is like, what do you want people to understand about you before they're so quick to judge?

SPEAKER_05 1:26:59

That I'm human. I make mistakes, just like everybody. Um and making mistakes doesn't make you a bad person. It makes you human.

SPEAKER_01 1:27:09

Right.

SPEAKER_05 1:27:09

And it's not just the mistake, it's how you turn around and acknowledge it and try to make that right.

SPEAKER_03 1:27:14

Right. Right.

SPEAKER_05 1:27:16

You know, it's the follow-through. It's it's respecting your apology by changing your behavior.

SPEAKER_03 1:27:23

Accountability. Right.

SPEAKER_05 1:27:25

Absolutely. Absolutely. And like, you know, give people another chance when they deserve it. I mean, obviously, you don't get unlimited chances, but I think it's important that people have an opportunity to come back from something. We're, you know, addicts aren't all bad people. They're people who have been traumatized, mistreated, and lack resources. You know, they're not bad people. They're somebody's brother, there's somebody's daughter, there's somebody's mom, there's somebody's sister. I mean, those people have value. And so I I would just hope that people aren't quick to judge anybody because we're All so much more alike than we are different, you know?

SPEAKER_02 1:28:04

Well, what advice would you have for anyone watching this that probably, you know, experienced the same things you experienced and they're trying to navigate that. And as well for the moms out there too, experiencing a transition and a change in life. Just any advice you can leave for the people.

SPEAKER_05 1:28:22

Well, I'll give you two. The first one being um, you know, it's like go to therapy. It's such overuse. But think of therapy like this. If you went to Africa on a safari and you wanted to see lions and tigers and shit, would you like rent a Jeep yourself and just like head out to the hills? No, of course not. You would get a guide. You would get somebody familiar with the terrain that understands the migration patterns that can optimize your likelihood of seeing the animals and not getting eaten by them. So the same thing with your head. Think of your head like the safari. Like you're not just gonna show up and like try to figure shit out. You need to talk to somebody who understands how the brain works, understands therapy, how to heal. Get someone to help you. They're not gonna do work for you, but they can guide you, set up some guardrails and really point you in the right direction to get where you want to go. So, you know, take down the stigma of therapy is only for crazy people. I mean, therapy is for everybody.

SPEAKER_03 1:29:16

Right.

SPEAKER_05 1:29:17

Everybody can improve. I think that's huge. I think that's huge. And the other piece of advice I would say is just remember that this too shall pass. The bad things, even the good things, you know. Hold on to those a little extra and be grateful because the good things pass too. But most importantly, don't let your brain like trick you into thinking the way you feel right now is the way you're always gonna feel because you're not. You're not, you are going to feel better. Know it.

unknown 1:29:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:29:47

I love that. Thank you so much. I really appreciate you know you coming and speaking with us. It really means a lot. I'm very happy that you opened up. We got to learn more about your life, early childhood journey, TV, you know, love live, public eye, you know, all of those things. Wow. I really appreciate your transparency and your, you know, ability to just really want to open up and be an open book for us. So thank you so much, Lynette. This whole interview and conversation was such a pleasure.

SPEAKER_05 1:30:20

Uh you're too kind. Thank you for having me, though. I this has really been a joy. Y'all are great. Love you to death.

SPEAKER_00 1:30:27

Appreciate it. And I hope you enjoyed New Orleans. Uh when are you leaving again? Monday. Flat Monday. Okay. Got one more day there. Are you good?

SPEAKER_05 1:30:37

We can get some hurricanes or something in, you know?

SPEAKER_00 1:30:40

Yeah. Appreciate you taking the time. I know you're with family stuff like that. So it really does mean a lot.

SPEAKER_05 1:30:45

It was my pleasure. This has been great. Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 1:30:48

Yes. Well, have a good one, Lynette. Thank you so much for tuning in to the Petty Headquarters podcast. Instagram and stuff.

SPEAKER_00 1:30:56

You want to shout out any projects or anything besides your Instagram? Nothing. I figured.

SPEAKER_05 1:31:00

Lynette.west. Yeah. Oh, I'm working on my website. My um my cousin's husband is gonna like get it going for me. So at Lynette West.com. So hopefully, like in the next couple of weeks, I might have some content up there. Be sure to link to your podcast. Yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 1:31:16

Yes, absolutely. We'll definitely put that in there. That's awesome. I'm happy for you.

SPEAKER_05 1:31:20

Thank you. It should be a fun project for sure.

SPEAKER_01 1:31:22

Yes, definitely. All right. So with that being said, where can they find you?

SPEAKER_00 1:31:29

You guys can find me on Instagram. That's J-E-S-I-S Strange. And where can they find you, Tiana?

SPEAKER_02 1:31:34

You guys can find me on Instagram at it's that Tiana Lock. You can find us on Instagram at thePetty headquarters, YouTube at thepetty headquarters, Patreon at the Petty Headquarters. We are on all podcast platforms at the Petty Headquarters. And with that being said, you guys, this was your weekly dose of mess.