The Singles Oasis

Navigating Singleness in 2026: Why Are You Still Single?

• Mary Bowen • Season 2 • Episode 3

Share episode

Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.

0:00 | 1:15:20

Mary and her special guest, Marlo Hogue, are back for Part Two of Navigating Singleness in 2026: Why Are You Still Single? Mary and Marlo will discuss how to answer this question and other invasive questions with grace without clapping back in response. 

#whyareyousingle #thesinglesoasispodcast #singlesoasis #navigatingsingleness  #singlescandatewithoutcompromise #datingadvice #singles #dating #relationships

Thank you for tuning in! 

SPEAKER_01

Oh, good evening, everyone, and we are live. Welcome to the Singles Oasis. It's your host, Mary. And welcome to season two, episode three, Navigating Singleness in 2026. Why are you still single? Singles Oasis is a refuge and gathering place for singles. Here you will receive biblical wisdom and wise counsel that will help you in your walk with Christ. Where there is no counsel, the people fall, but in the multitude of counselors, there is safety. That comes from Proverbs 11 and 18. If you're watching from the first time, let us know in the chat where you're tuning in. Please say hello. If you are a returning viewer, please say hello. And we thank you for returning and listening to the podcast. And we thank you for also viewing the video version of the podcast. Please like and share this broadcast and podcast with your friends and family. So, like I said at the top of the hour, this is part two. So Marlo and I were here about two weeks ago where we discussed navigating singleness in uh 2026. We are excited because we want to get to those questions. We know during the last episode, we had promised you that we were going to give you some advice on how to answer why are you still single in 2026 in a way that you can do so lovingly without clapping back. But there are also some other questions that singles may face or that we may face, and we don't need to know how to answer them without uh offending the person that asked the question and also without offending the Lord. And also, too, we want to know how to maybe deal with some of those doubts that we may have because we may have been single for a long time. Again, the landscape has changed. There's a lot of information that's being pushed toward singles during this time. I mean, you got co you have coaches, you you've got all types of gurus or whomever that has the answer for you. And we don't, I feel that singles are often overwhelmed by the amount of information that is being thrust towards them. So we want to not only help you in terms of answering these questions, but also help you determine what information is good and what information you probably should just let go out the other ear. Very quickly, I wanted to give a recap of our prior segment. One of the things that we had talked about was that, you know, oftentimes our social media, like our Facebook pages, our Instagrams, TikToks, you know, may be overflowing with engagements and wedding announcements. And some of us may be wondering, God, when is it my turn? What about me? And one of the things that I walked away with uh during our conversation is when we're asking God that question, we need to ask God, what is it that He wants us to do in this season? What is this time for? Is this a time in which we need to develop ourselves? Is this a time where we need to develop wisdom? Is this a time that we need to not only find out what our purpose is, but to walk in our purpose? Do we need to take on another trade? What specifically does the Lord have us to do in this in this particular time period? Something else that we also want to think about too during our season of singleness is the importance of growing in leadership and financial stewardship as well. So there's some things that the Lord may want to develop in you during your single season. And something else we also need to be mindful for. There is nothing wrong with having a desire of marriage, there is nothing wrong with desiring, you know, a long, a long-term companion by way of marriage. But we also need to be mindful that there are only some things that we can accomplish in our season of singleness that we would not be able to accomplish in uh the season in which we become married. So, singles, we definitely want to encourage you on tonight. We want to encourage you to also check out our previous segment that would be uh episode one. So please check out that previous episode so you'll have the full context of what we're referring to. But again, we promised you all that we're gonna help you answer these questions, so we want to get to those questions. So Marlo, you ready?

SPEAKER_00

Yes, I am ready. Hey, singles oasis. Thanks for having me back. We're gonna handle some questions, really.

SPEAKER_01

Yes, we are, and then also if you are listening live as well, feel free to drop your comments or your questions in the chat. So we will also answer some of those on air as well. So we've just happened to have chosen some of the questions either that we have been asked or either some of the questions that we have seen circulating online that give singles uh other anxiety and pause. So let's answer the big question, the one that everybody's probably seen on this flyer. Yes. One at times that irks my nerves, and it hurts my nerves not just because I'm single, but because of how often I'm asked this question. And and Marlo, I don't know how often you were asked this question. How often are you asked the question, why are you still single?

SPEAKER_00

How often? Um, I am I I let me say this. I will say that I am not often asked it as much as I used to be. And I think that um I just I don't I think the reason I am not asked it as much as I used to be is I think I'm not giving people time to even think about it. One, and I also believe that you know, I'm much older now, so I don't know if people dare ask me some of these questions. I've heard other ones, but some of these questions. Right? And um, and I oftentimes I think people are just speculating in the background. You know, I'm sure there's a lot of speculation, and you know, like we were talking about before we uh just started live, is that these questions can be quite stressful and they are exhausting. But and I think this some questions don't need an answer, some things you don't have to answer, but sometimes you do, you know, sometimes you do. Yeah, so I haven't I haven't been asked this in about I I would say a year, you know. But there have been times where I have questioned myself, like, why aren't I still? Why aren't I married? Why am I still single? So you can you can get it from the outside, but you can also get it from the inside, right? So that's a good thing to know that you can get those questions from the inside and the outside. So yeah. It's an it's go ahead, go ahead. Um let's keep it. No, go ahead. No, go ahead. No. I was just saying it can be exhausting. And one thing I was just thinking about too, as we uh go into more questions, is I was thinking how these questions about marriage often sting because it seems to imply that we are a defective product. And if we weren't, maybe somebody would have swooped us up, and um, when in reality, um, there's no single reason why a person remains unmarried, right? And I believe that the questions about why are you still single or you know, you'll find a good person one day, just like I did. I think these questions have to be um, I think they have to be tempered based on who is asking, because people ask for different reasons, right? So people ask for different reasons. So our family, our mothers and fathers may ask for a certain reason. They they don't they may not want us to be alone and they may want us to have somebody like they have, and you know, good friends ask for a certain reason, like they know you are a great person, and you just wonder, like, what girl, what's going on, or my guy, what's happening, bro? You know, and then you have some of those people who are just hateful and they are disrespectful, and um, all these have to be it has to be measured. You gotta know who's asking, you gotta know you got you're making split-second decisions so quickly when people are asking these questions. You're gauging environment. Where am I? Do I answer crazy? Is this gonna cost me my job? Do I just say, girl, go and watch your business? All these things, yeah.

SPEAKER_01

All these things are um part of how we answer, which makes sense because that again, context in the environment are very and also to the type of relationship you may have with the person. Because if the stranger is asking us that, you know, I'm less inclined to even respond. Yes, especially if I don't know you that well, yeah. But with all of that in mind, so how do we respond to the question, why are you still single? So let's look at it, let's frame it in from a parent asking that or family member. How would you respond in that context?

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, you know what? Um, I used to, I'll say this first time I used to respond, people say, Why are you single? First people would ask, Are you single? Because a lot of times people look at your finger and some people aren't wearing rings for various occupational reasons, right? We know that. And so people would say, Are you married? and I would say no. And then there was a time when I would say no, I would be ashamed to say no. Like, what's wrong? No. And the Lord was like, girl, hold your hold your head up and set your shoulders. You're not married yet, right? But why aren't I still married? And I would just always say, Because God hasn't said it's time yet. God hasn't said his time. Now, if it's if it was my parents, now my parents have never asked me that question. Like, when are you gonna give us some grandbabies? And that's simply because, see, this is context. I'm from a very large family, third oldest of 12. There are plenty of babies in this household. So nobody's like, go have those babies, girl. It's not like that. But if you're in an environment where your parents are just really concerned and like what's going on with you, why aren't you married? Like, you know what? Some of the answers are simply, Mom, you know, I I actually am not sure myself, but I'm always open and ready and willing to date and find someone. Just pray that I find someone or that the the right someone finds me. If you're open, willing, and ready, right? That's that's that. Right. You're if if you're in a situation where you're like me right now, where I'm not even stressed, I I actually am unconcerned.

SPEAKER_02

Right?

SPEAKER_00

I'm unconcerned. So why aren't you married yet? Girl, because it's not time. God has not said it's time. And I honestly can say, and I'm just I know I said this um about a week ago was that you know, my life has been unplanned, unimagined, but it is unparalleled. I am in such a fantastic place with the Lord where I am running after everything He has for me. And it's like God has got me thinking now, girl, do this stuff right now. Right now. Okay, because pretty soon when you get locked up and hitched up, you won't be doing all this. Well, there's seasons, right? So I'm in a season where God has me moving and shaking. And so you gotta know. So, what does that mean? A single person has to know why they are single, right? Why are you single? Am I single because God said it's not time? Am I single? And um, just that God said it's not time. Am I single because there are so many um um how about I say there's so many landmines in my life that if someone would come in, I would blow them up. Right? God, okay, so that means therapy and Jesus go together. That is my single because God has me busy about kingdom work, and that is the work I can only do now in this single season, right? Girl, please. God knows where he has you. You are not in some um um unknown country where God can't, he doesn't have a GPS on you. God know your location? Come on, God, what did David say in Psalm 139? Where can I go from your presence? Hell there, heaven, you there, ocean, you there, in a volcano, you're there. So, yeah, not just at a lot of that, but go ahead, sis.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, yes, yes, and that's so good, and that's so good. So we've covered the context of family because I like the fact that you know, being honest about okay, I may not be sure, you know, why at this time, but the Lord says, okay, it's not my time, yeah. Or, you know, there's landmines or there's different things going on in my life that the timing is not right at all, period. And that there's things that God has to work on during this time, yeah. Or I'm busy about my father's business. Amen. Amen. I I love these responses because it's very, you know, it's very true. So, what about with this same question in mind? So, let's pick a different context. So that's so that was that's your family.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

What about friends? So, what about some of your close girlfriends when they ask you this? Okay, so they're asking why are you still single? And then I'm gonna follow up with that as to why you're not dating, because I'm gonna give my response that I took people when they ask me. So I'm gonna let you answer this, and then we're gonna transition to um another question.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, and you know what? I think um in your friendships, first of all, hopefully you have good godly friendships, good friendships where you can have these kind of conversations because this is a really important conversation in a friendship, right? And it also depends on the context of the friend, meaning if this is a friend who is married and they're concerned, like, sis, you are so cool, like you're amazing. Like, why has why has no one swooped you up? I gotta, you know, with this, I gotta find you somebody. Okay, so that's the thing. And if you know, if you are sure from the Lord about where you are and why you are in this place, responses are different. If you're not sure, and if you really do desire marriage and it is eating you up, you're like, girl, I know the dating pool has all kind of da-da-da in it, and oh, baby, somebody, do your husband or somebody, right? So that's a real thing. And now, if you're in a friendship with a girl like some of my friends, some are married and some are not married, they're single just like me, and we have these conversations about girl, could you imagine if we were married, we would not be doing the same things we're doing right now. Like, girl, I wouldn't have time, right? But if I if if my friend is saying to me, sis, you are so cool, like I just want you to have the same happiness like I have. How can I help? Or what would you say? I would say, girl, first of all, yes, I want to be married. I you already know, but two, God has not given me the okay or has said, you know, listen, get ready. Because I think I believe that God will say to you, Hey, it's time to get ready. It's time to prep up. Let's start, let's start preparing ourselves. Yes to sit, pray for me. I am a good man as well. Listen, I don't want me some wookity-woo like Saul, he was handsome, then he turned from the Lord. Lord, give me a Joseph who will, even if it seems like I messed up, he's gonna cover me anyway. Like, you're gonna talk to him anyway. God, you understand what I'm saying? Like, I don't want to make rash decisions or desperate decisions out of loneliness and desperation. Since pray for me that I stay in the will of God. I do want to get married, but right now, pray that I walk with him closely where he has me. Girl, please run after him right now where he has me. Because let him catch you while you're working, let him catch you while you're serving, let him catch you while you're blessing him. That's it, girl. That's that's that's the way. Yeah, so that's what I would say to my friends.

SPEAKER_01

Now, what about someone that that's not family, but because I I believe we I believe some women have encountered this, you know, they encountered, you know, men, whether they're traveling, you know, outside of like their their normal sphere or or their normal uh realm or or you know, outside of home. But what about what about our singles that maybe encounter that question from the opposite sex? How would you respond that way?

SPEAKER_00

Now, I now this is what I've I've dealt with this a lot. Since you ain't married, you don't want no man. Oh, yeah you don't need no husband. Where your man at? I don't see no ring. Where your man, yeah, where your man at is a really good one. Where your man at, uh, because I mean I would have been swooped you up, or you let you come out like this by yourself. Yeah, I now I've heard these a lot, and you know, I so there it it depends on for me, it also depends on how you approach to be. What do I feel in my heart? Like, what is the Holy Spirit saying? Like, don't give this person much room because they they're wilding out, right? Right, right. So I've often said, you know what, I am not. Okay, I appreciate, I appreciate your interest. I am not interested, you know. Thanks for asking. Um, I've also said, um, you don't want love, and I I've often said, you know what, I'm already experiencing full love it from all the different people who love me and for me. My soul is cared for, my heart is cared for, my mind is cared for. I am I am actually very whole right now. I thank you though. Thank you. And I always kind of end with like, thank you for asking, though. Go ahead. I you go go in peace, bro. Go in peace and have a good day, right? So that's how I typically handle that. Why aren't you? Why aren't you married? And then and sometimes you can also handle it like, and it also this again depends on the environment because people nowadays are very touchy, people take things the wrong way so quickly. Lack of emotional regulation or maturity, um, unfortunately, in in both sexes at times, yeah. Where you know, you used to could ask the question, but why would you suppose that I needed to be married? Why would you suppose that? Why would you suppose? Is there a reason why you're asking me this question? You have to know, and this is what I'm talking about split millisecond. Uh, for the Christian, it is split milliseconds of hearing the Holy Spirit, like Holy Spirit, what's the answer here for guys and for girls? Yes, you know, because I have handsome brothers who get approached, they're handsome and they're gorgeous, man. You know, like I'm good, sis. Thanks for asking. I'm not looking for anybody right now. You know, yeah. So there's so many ways to to even uh flesh that out. Yeah, and I'm sure your listeners that have some other ways, and I'm sure they'll they'll put some in the comments of like, how are you guys answering this?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, yeah, and that's a good question. I'm glad you posed that question. So, some of our listeners, what I'll do is I will I'll say that now. So anybody that's streaming live, or either anyone that is uh watching the live stream now, or either watching the the replay or listening to the replay of the live broadcast, share with us some of your strategies and the ways that you handle this question when you receive this question from the opposite sex. And it's okay to share, okay, maybe you stumbled or if you struggled, or maybe a way that did not work, just to share that with other people so they don't do the same thing. So, because we want to hear from our audience, we want to know, like, okay, how do you handle this question? What have you found to work? And what have you found that has not worked? Yeah, and what have you kind of learned from that? Because this is a way that we want to help all singles. That's why we're having this conversation, because these are different ways that you can answer this question again in a loving way without snapping on people. Because let me let me say this like I don't I don't date. And when I tell a man that, that the reaction just the re some of the reactions that I get, and these these are men that are also saved. So it's not like you know, I'm talking to folks that you know don't know Jesus, but they're like really shocked, like, no, I'm not. Like I'm on fire for God. Like the only things that are in my heart right now is like the singles oasis, singles doing what the Lord has called me to do, you know, making sure that I'm getting my house in order spiritually and financially. You know, there's some things that I want material, you know, material-wise, but that's not something that I'm, you know, I'm going to share with everybody. But I don't have a desired date. I don't have a need for it.

SPEAKER_00

Exactly.

SPEAKER_01

I really don't. And people look at me, you know, look at me some type of way and they want to ask, is I don't, because I'm content with where I am. I'm very satisfied. Like you previously mentioned, I have good relationships, good relationships with friends and family. And by nature of the profession that I'm in, I'm very social. So I'm also meeting new people. I travel quite a bit, so I meet new people. That's how I've met you. That's how I've met you. Like I've got my whole writer's tribe now just because I went to a conference by myself and something I know I'm going off just a little bit, but singles, I want to encourage you to start doing certain activities by yourself.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

And you're never alone because the Lord will never leave you nor forsake you. The Lord is always with you. But learn how to dine out by yourself. Because you never, you just never know. Get comfortable being by yourself. You know, if there's other activities that you enjoy, whether it's going to the movies or if you like. Live theater. Like I go to a lot of, I attend a lot of live theater productions. And even though I go by myself, I'm typically with a group that also likes the theater. So it's not like I'm there by myself. That's another reason why I encourage singles to go and live your life. Go do things like because that's another way that you can meet people outside of your regular circle. You just never know who knows who. And there's always the six degrees of separation.

SPEAKER_02

Exactly.

SPEAKER_01

Back to that, you know, that question. Like, I don't know what it is about it that just really throws the opposite sex off. Like, no, I don't date. I don't have a desire to date. Like, and you know, if it's someone that I know that's not single and they're asking that question, I know they're asking from a loving place, but if it's someone that is single, I'm kind of anticipating, okay, so are you going to try and convince me that I need to do that otherwise? And know that's what work. Don't waste your time. Thank you. But but no, I don't have a desire to get married. I don't have a desire to have children right now. So, you know, if that's what you're looking for, I think you need to pursue someone else because that's not what I'm doing this season in my life. And I'm not afraid, you know, to say that. I don't know about you, but have you faced that question? Has someone asked you, Marlo, why are you not dating in this season of your life?

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, you know what? Um, I actually don't. Here's the thing, I don't tell people my business like that. So no one knows um when I've dated and when I did not. Maybe some people in my family, but other than that, no, no one would know. Why would no one know? Because it's actually no one else's business, but the people who I know would be honestly praying for me during this time. Lord, if this is yours, let it go, let it let it pan out, let it flush all the way out. If it's not, Lord, would you remove this? Help me get out of this, okay? Help me get out of this as unscathed as possible, right? Right? Because the goal would be, I believe now. We're getting into dating. Okay, let me stay on this side.

SPEAKER_01

So no, no, no, keep keeping it.

SPEAKER_00

I'm just I was just thinking, like, you know, the goal, I believe that the goal with dating should be, or with dating or courtship, depending on how you say it, but the goal with initially dating someone is to see if they line up with what God has given you in your heart that you need, right? And actually what you could be for someone, right? Because marriage, marriage is ministry. So if you're not willing to serve, you need to stay out of it. Two, if if this is not for you, I need to be able to walk out of this relationship. One, wiser and stronger in the Lord, because if I'm married, if I'm dating a godly man, he wants to see us grow in grace and in the knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. And I don't want to leave it compromised. I don't want to leave it in a way that I'm ashamed to see you if you showed up at my wedding when I do get married, right? So I mean, there's there's that, and then our society is really pushed on sex, dating, laying all over somebody, and Christ is the anti antithesis of that. He is you're going to honor just like I came to pay a price for you, he's gonna pay a price for you. Exactly. Right? And you know, and so there's all there's all those things involved. And so um, I'm not I'm not shocked if a Christian woman or man says, you know what, I'm not dating right now. Right? And then I'm not shocked if a Christian man or woman says, I'm now, I feel like the Lord is saying, prepare to date, and they do the necessary work to prepare to date well, yeah, to not compromise and violate somebody else's son or daughter in the process, right? So um, listen, I'm happily as I am, and I'm thanking him for it. Right, girl, listen.

SPEAKER_01

And I think something else that I want our brothers and sisters, you know, for our viewers to keep in mind that you're single, the single women and the single men within the body of Christ, we are brothers and sisters, so you need to treat them that way.

SPEAKER_00

That's right. That's right. We need to treat them that way.

SPEAKER_01

We should not be lusting after them. You not should you should not be pursuing them in a way that dishonors God and dishonors yourself.

SPEAKER_00

That's right.

SPEAKER_01

Now, so we kind of talked about, you know, why, you know, the why are we not dating um, you know, aspect. And again, I don't get that question as often, but I have, but I know some singles have. And something else I've also seen on, you know, online, whether it's Instagram or Facebook or some of the other social media platforms, I'm actually seeing a lot of singles, and I don't necessarily know, you know, if they have a relationship with Christ or not, but a lot of them are opting not to date at all.

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Like they're just like swearing off dating men or wherever, you know, we just want to travel and we just want to do things. So also the landscape of um singles and their views on dating has changed drastically within the past couple of years as well.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, I've noticed this as well, right? That um, you know, the whole trend of women will say this is why we choose the bear. Yes, the whole uh situation of even good godly men who are like, man, where are the godly women, right? And I used to think, you know, I don't know if I used to think it all the time, but I think you have to be careful about the thought that there are there's nobody out here. All men are trash, all the women are trash. It can't possibly be because I'm not and you're not, no, right? And then you don't know everybody, you know. Our circles are very small. That listen, not only is our so our circles very small, but social media can be a lie in areas because people can present as something and not be, and people cannot present as anything and be what you're looking for, right? And so exactly. So you have to be very uh careful with it. And if the Lord has said to you, slow down, baby, you're moving too fast, slow down, put your pump the brakes, yeah, the brakes. Because here's the thing God never turns away you wanting to spend more time with him and following his will, never says when, not God, and God is super, God is supernatural in his provision for his children, yeah. And so he he is not um he is not neglectful, girl. He oh my god, he is not neglectful, he knows what we want, yeah, but he also wants us to want what he wants, which is that our soul would prosper and be in good health. Yes, honey, that you what do Paul say, you know, brother, above all things, I wish that you would prosper and be in good health, even as your soul prospers. So as you do well in your soul, God praise you do well in your in your work, in your finances, yes. Look how even with that he is, yes, right. And why does he want our soul to prosper first? So we can have perspective, his type of perspective on what we gain and build, right? Right.

SPEAKER_01

So, yeah, yes, and and the Lord is a uh a rewarder of those that diligently seek him. That's it, that's in Hebrews. So you also will be rewarded by God for seeking him. So use this singles as a season to seek the Lord while he may be found, yes, girl.

SPEAKER_00

Listen, and he's not hiding, no, and here and here's another thing, girl. The word of God says that there is no good thing that he will withhold for those that walk upright. So if marriage is is is now first of all, that means first, thank you, Jesus. First of all, that means he's not gonna withhold himself because he's the good, good thing. The good thing is God, right? The ultimate treasure and prize is God, right? But then God, if God knows that your desire of your heart is to be married, but he actually kinds of change your desire to just want what he wants as you spend more time with him, he will eventually grant you what you actually need, and it will be a good thing because God does not withhold good from his children, never has he, and never will he. So that begs the question. Then is marriage the ultimate good? The ultimate good is God, the ultimate good is that we would press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling, and the high calling is an intimate, phenomenal, adventurous, passionate relationship with the Lord. Yes, girl.

SPEAKER_01

So perspective, we need perspective change, and that's the importance of yeah, don't be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. So that's something else that we have to do as singles on a daily basis that we need to make sure we're renewing our mind. Because if we're not careful, we're gonna fall uh for the traps that we see on social media. We can get caught up in all of that because that will also have an effect on your mind. So, what are you what are you taking in?

SPEAKER_00

Yes, right. This is and this is the danger of just scrolling, honey. And here's the tricky part if you start, if you train your algorithm on relationship content, your algorithm will only show you that. Wow, right? And so you can um foster dissatisfaction in yourself. Wow, you can foster frustration with God, and you know, um, like the last time I said, it will get to the point where you so desperately want marriage that you wrestle with the fact that is God good? You wrestle, does he really care? Is he good? And if you don't submit to his will, God, what is your will for me? You will not know what you need to do right now. You don't, you won't know. You won't know. And um, and you know what you'll do. And you and I talked about this before. You'll be looking at every man that talks to you as if he's husband material. Yep, you just want to jump on him, you'll be like, you like you, you, you panthering on everybody, right? And so I've and been there, done that, right? So um the Lord just the ease that the Lord will bring you when you truly trust him and believe what he says, and then so when people are asking you these questions, you won't melt down, you won't go in the bathroom and cry, you don't have to go into a martial arts uh uh episode, like stop, stop, stop, don't talk to me. Right? You won't have to, you know. You can honestly say, you know what, it's not that time yet. And you know what? Just pray for me as I serve God with all my heart, soul, and mind and strength. Pray for me as I do that. Yes, yes, and it's important to show young people this as well, because there's a danger even in our school systems that young people are quote unquote getting boyfriends and girlfriends in third grade. Like you are you, if you're not careful, you'll foster a need to be sexually active before it's time. That's true. Because we just, I mean, the body stir, the body responds to what it responds to, and so you stir up desires that you can't righteously satisfy, and then you in trouble. Yep. Yeah, so girl, yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Yep, yep. And you know, while you were, you know, while we were talking a minute ago, something that I just I just thought about. Why is it that singles, some singles don't have peace in their singleness? What what is what's stir what is stirring up or bringing that that anxiety? Why don't they have peace in their singleness?

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, I think this is um this I don't think singles realize how um, I think some singles may not realize how dangerous this is, right? So it's and it's the same playbook that was used in the Garden of Eden, right? Um, the same God that saved my soul can keep me whole, right? He can. But there's a the the trick of the enemy is really the trick of Satan is the question of is God good to you? Is he good? Is he withholding?

SPEAKER_02

Right?

SPEAKER_00

And if you feel like God is withholding, you're feeling like he hasn't given you what you believe you deserve, you will be stressed. Another thing is this you and I talked about this last week about this thing of vicarious grieving. Vicarious grieving is simply the the thing that I know what I'm supposed to have, and I'm grieving the the emptiness in my life where this this person should fill it. I know there's a void, I know you've called me to be married, but God, where is my person? And that thing can overtake you to where you just weep for no reason, you you can't be happy for other people without tears in your eyes. Like, where is mine to where you are just crying out in such a a serious way? And there's this this want is so deep and so visceral, and it is a real want. It's real. And here's the thing the want is so real, but God desires that you bring him, you meet him with the want, so he can temper it in the way it should be. Like God, it's like when I was speaking at a singles event for um for Valentine's Day. What an interesting day to have it, right? Valentine's Day, and this the one woman in there about my age, she had yeah, about 50. I'll be 50 in about like in a couple weeks. And so this woman was just weeping, and she was like, But I have so much love to give. But I'm also, but I was also had to explain to her, honey, this love that you have that you want to give, that you are so uh passionate about, and it's bringing tears to your eyes. God has purpose for that love right now. Yes, God is not asking you hold on with all this love. God has love, he has purpose for love. One, love him, two, he has young people that need to be loved in a godly way who need people to surround him, he has elders that need to be loved in a godly way and for people to surround him. Two, three, he has work, he needs you to pour that love into that, needs all of that passion and drive, honey. There is reason, right? And so if we are only singularly focused on I don't have my man or Lord, where is my woman at? If God has not an answer with them on tonight, then there is work. And so, how do I know where my work is? Wherever God places you is where you serve and work, it's where you grow, it's where you learn, and it's where you serve. Get busy, pour the love in. There is place because you have to be careful because you will become so um um intoxicated and so overwhelmed with I need my man or I need my woman, that you will become covetous, jealous, and vicious. Yes, you will, honey. You'll start slamming doors and you can't talk right to nobody, and you'll get caught up in things you don't want to get caught up in. You will get caught up in pornography and smut, and for women, it's getting caught up in they get uh into the gateway of pornography through romance novels now. And then, but guys, if you listen, men need to gather up and leave that uh that manosphere toxic that y'all gather, do what y'all need to do with the reaction of the church, all that yeah, that manosphere, right? Obsession, and what is it that what is the obsession here with men and women? I deserve something, and God has not given it. If I could tell you he don't owe us a thing, that the fact that we are living and breathing and moving and have ideas and have work and have have things to offer to the world, his goodness is ever overflowing. So, girl, look out and gave a long answer. So, what is my answer? The truth is you're concerned, you you believe God has uh withhold hell good things from you. Two, if you're not careful, you will get into destruction. Three, if you're willing to let meet the Lord there and let him temper you, he will show you where all that passion and love needs to go into right now, and you're not gonna run out. Yeah, honey, you ain't gonna run out. No, he got he has more for you. All right, go ahead, sis. Um let me go ahead and stop. Yeah, oh, that was so good. That was that was so good.

SPEAKER_01

So, in that same thing, yeah, let's let's kind of talk about some of those questions that are maybe ruminating in our mind, so we're no one around. Yeah, because there may be instances where you know someone may be asking or that their self-esteem is now affected. So the way that they view themselves, they no longer view themselves the way God has viewed them, you know, because they're the apple of God's eye, you know, they're fearfully and wonderfully made in his image, but because you know they've been single for so long, or because you know, prior dating relationships haven't worked, they're now questioning God and questioning their worth and their value. So, God, what's wrong with me? What is wrong? Why, why doesn't anybody want to date me? Why doesn't anybody want to put a ring on it? Like, why doesn't anybody want to write me up? Or vice versa, for the men that are have desire a wife, you know, why are these women not even paying me any type of attention? Like, what is it about me? Is it my clothes? You know, do I not make enough money? You know, do I look like a dork? You know, what is it about that that's not attracting the right type of people? No, no, some of the men that's some of the questions that they have. You know, I don't make enough because we see a lot online. We see, okay, uh, there's a desire for, let's just throw this out there. There's a desire for men that are six feet or higher in terms of height, men that make, you know, over a hundred thousand dollars, you know, men that have this, this, and this. So a lot of you know, material and uh tangible, you know, types of things that they're they're looking for. And it can affect, you know, how they feel about themselves, especially in this era of dating. So for those singles that are dealing with that question, what is what is wrong with me? Like, how would where do they start to even like address this question when they're by themselves?

SPEAKER_00

You know what? I if if I was feeling like this, okay, if I was a single and if I was feeling like this, one of the first, and if you are a Christian, okay, if you're a believer, I would actually bring my concerns to the Lord. Right? Lord, am I a defective model? What's going on? What's going on? Right? And you know, I have I have my own history with my own horror, just hard health issues, and I mean some of the things I used to ponder, and I still have hard health issues, right? Um, but God is faithful and and he's been good, right? So some of the things I you know you have to ponder, especially. Um, and and I'll and I'm saying this concerning me, and I hope the singles can hear it. One, um, if you feel like you're defective, one, you need to talk to the Lord, Lord. You look, these are the things that are happening with me. Who is gonna marry me with these issues? Who would even right? What's wrong with me? Uh uh, is this gonna pan out for me? Is it gonna pan out? And I I would say a couple things. One, that just because, and this is a and we gotta recognize the trick of Satan too. Like, just because a person has not asked you out does not mean you are not attractive. Just because somebody ain't has not hollered and whistled at you and said, Hey, hey, hey, sis, hey, hey, cutie, hey mom, hey, hey, shorty, that does not mean you are not attractive, right? Listen, if you are desire to be a woman of God, God, and if you are seriously like Lord, I submit in love and obedience to the Holy Spirit in my life, girl, please, the Lord gonna stop blocking trash. Like, let me block this because you're not coming up on my girl. This back up, like you. We don't realize sometimes protection is in the place. That's it, that's it. You do understand what I'm saying? We don't realize protection is in the place, too. And let me tell you a secret. All that times in my 20s, like I talked about when we in our last one, I was like, maybe marry, get me married, get me married. I was a landmine waiting to happen. I was not phenomenal as I thought. I was not, I would have tore it, I would have just been, it would have been horrible. So sometimes, one, God is protecting, two, God is wanting to, God needs to trim the fat, like I like to call it, trim the fat off of you. Like you may not be as ready as you think. Yes, God's provision and protection is it is complex and it is perfection. Come on, the complexity of his girl. Listen, let me tell you something. I have been studying anyway. Let me hold on. We ain't getting into that, we ain't got much time. Honey, stay in the word and watch how God provides and protects with such complexity and perfection. His people. His people. His people. So if you are God's child, He has not forgotten about you. He knows what you need. Look, now I'm now I'm quoting the lyrics to a song I wrote. He knows all the hopes and plans and he knows all your dreams, right? He knows it all. So you are not defunct. You are not defaulted. I would encourage you to fall at the feet of Jesus. Lord, I cry out. I feel like I've been left out. I feel like you've left me over. I feel like you walked right past me and gave the man to the girl next to me. God, what is going on? I need to understand your will and your way. Lord, show me this. Lord, please. You can approach God with your brokenness, your hearts, and your desire. With your heart, your broken heart and your desire. And then be quiet and listen. Be quiet and listen. Because he'll show you something if you let him. Yes. And then follow what he says after that. Yes. You are not. And listen, if you are broken in some way, ask the Lord to fix it. If you if you fall in love in three seconds, ask God to help you, give you wisdom. If you hate men, ask God to give you discernment and discretion. Ask God. Right? So, you know, my mom and I were talking about this the other day. I was like, it's so many men out here who hate women. My mom said, and there's women out here who hate men. I said, do we need Jesus?

SPEAKER_01

We we do because what you talked about, because I believe the hatred of men, there's a term for that, it's called misogyny. Yes. And the hatred of no misogyny, that's the hatred of women. The hatred of men is misandering. Yes. This is a term for the hatred of men. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

And listen, people may have and people may have valid reasons about, you know, we don't understand everybody's frame, frame of reference. All my life's experience frame, how I see the picture is seen. So I don't understand all that a person has endured or seen or dealt with. I just don't know. And you know what? People don't know when they meet you. And so what does that mean? You may just want somebody to love you, but your whole thing may be, God, love me well. Because I'm I'm messing up on how to love. I want to love, right? But Lord, give me the want to want to hear your will and your way regarding me. Give my renew my mind in the word. Yeah. In counseling. Listen, because like I said the second time, Jesus and therapy go together. Renew it in counseling. God, I need to renew my mind in the word. How many times has the Lord washed us in the word? Like this, you boo, let's handle this. Yes, keep reading further so I can show you what we need to do. Yes, girl, yes. Yes. Okay, there. That's that. Go ahead, sis.

SPEAKER_01

Yes. So we just actually, I think we we tiptoeing. We tiptoeing to the next question because we talked about how the both genders hate each other. And we see it's online, it's bad. Like we've got the red pill, you know, you've got folks, you know, saying, okay, I would, I'll never date another man, this, this, and that. I mean, it's it's awful. And it's and it's the one, okay. Social media is both a blessing and a curse. Because what what what you need to look at when you're on social media is that oftentimes social media will reveal the heart of a person.

SPEAKER_03

Yes.

SPEAKER_01

Not what we put in us, but what comes out of us, what defiles us. So we're we can see the defilement, we can see the pain, we can actually see what's going on inside of people based upon what they're posting on social media. So one of the things I want to help some of our single ways to do it with is how do we respond to those hateful comments and messages towards singles. So I don't know about you, but I've seen some horrible things said to both men and women. But I really want to see the ones that I see all the time that's directed for us. Uh, one of them being, um, you're gonna die alone. Uh, you better get you a cat, you better get you a dog, because you're gonna be a cat lady or a dog lady, or you know, if you you get up there in age, and let's say you may need some type of assistance, nobody's gonna be around, you know, to help you, or uh, you know, for ladies, you know, your standards are too high, you know, you need to drop those standards and then draws. Um, no one wants you for for the the especially the ones that that the sub there, I've seen comments towards women um over the age of 40. It's okay. I've seen ones like you dried up, nobody wants you. You got you have less than eggs, yeah. Yep, you bring them through this, this, this, this, and this. How in the world are we even supposed to respond to this? We don't have to, because quite frankly, we don't have to. Because this is what I see. Like I said, I see this on Instagram, I see this on Facebook, I'm sure it's on TikTok. I I see this everywhere. But for singles that are actually receiving these types of comments either directly or in their DMs, how do they respond? Because if it's me, especially if I don't know these people, we don't have a relationship, my block hand is hot because I'm gonna protect my spirit man.

SPEAKER_00

Exactly. You know what I would say, um, one. So um, I'm trying to remember where uh Solomon says it's in Proverbs where you can answer a fool and um sound like him, or you can answer a fool and help him come up out of his foolishness, right? So one, you gotta know who you gotta you have to again, these are millisecond things. You have to know the voice of the Holy Spirit. Holy Spirit, do I respond or not? Exactly. Because everything is not worth and yo, because pretty soon you're gonna be like, and yo, mama, and yo, whole race, right?

SPEAKER_01

Well you know, say something that might bring condemnation because we're gonna be called account for every word that comes out of our mouth that people are forgetting when you online that you know keep more thug all you want, but when you stand before God, you gotta give an account for that because he's gonna show you like, hey, exactly.

SPEAKER_00

Come on, Mary, yes, because here is the thing: if we are not careful, we will dishonor God. And I have had people say things on my own personal page where I have literally, let me tell you what I've had to do. I have literally had to get up and just kind of walk in a circle like way. Do I or do I not? Should I or should I not? And and and I'm gonna tell you something. A lot of times I'm just delete delete because I don't have time. I don't have time. Now, here's another thing, too, with the whole you're gonna die alone. Here's the truth, and and here is a hard truth. We all die alone, we all stand before the father on our own. Yes, we all die alone. I don't care if you're surrounded by family, you are dying alone. Yes, I don't care if you holding hands with your spouse and y'all are dying like that a couple did some years ago, older couple, husband and wife died like minutes after each other. They died alone. Now, if you're talking about people surrounding me and having folks in my life, well, you know, statistics already show that women have more uh deep and phenomenal relationships, and they don't, they don't, they don't, even in their late singleness in their 60s, 70s, and 80s, they're fine. They're fine, right? They're fine. Uh, men need help, right? We know that our brothers need help. Get that. Two, I think it also it'd be good to remember that you can be in a marriage and be alone. Yes, I have okay, and the only one who never leaves you or forsakes you, as God says in Hebrews 13, is that he says, I will, I'm the one, I will never leave you and for or forsake you, not they will or you will. He said, I very singular, the Godhead. We will not, I will not leave you nor forsake you. So that's that that that nix is that question right there, like sir, whatever. To right, and so when I hear the other thing, like you're gonna have powdered eggs, your eggs dried up, uh you know what, and you oh you know, you need to go ahead and settle y'all women to choose the bruh, please. First of all, and I and I say this a lot, and I've said this so many times is that one, no person knows all the people in the world but God, hello, hello, living, dead, and coming into existence, only the father, right? Right? So you could not possibly give, you cannot make a declarated a deck a declarative sentence over my life as if it is a command from God. If it didn't come down from heaven, that don't mean a thing, it may not last. What are you talking about, right? So you you gotta have perspective, like who has power here? Do not give enemies power over your life. Another thing uh about this, too. My mom and I had this conversation about I really believe the devil is just planting people to cause dissension among men and women, and it's so true. The ultimate plan of the devil is that men and women cannot fill up, fulfill the mandate God has said to be fruitful and multiply and replenish the earth with your kind. That means Christians need to replenish the earth with their kind, like so. You the trick of the entity is to destroy the promises and mandates of God. Now, if we're not careful, if all the men and all the women hate each other, what do we have? What do we have? Which and that's gotta be a lie because the if the the the very elect will not be defeated by the enemy. So let's be let's cut this out. Let's cut this out. And so what we have to do as people of God is we have to be careful about listening to it over and over again because it gets ingrained in your spirit, right? Because I've seen all of these things before, men and women arguing. I'm like, I know somebody wouldn't. And my mother's like, Why are you letting I said, Mom, pray me, pray for me because I'm about to be mad at men. And I have to remember that I was raised by a phenomenal man who is still living, and I have phenomenal brothers who are phenomenal men, so I know it's a lie, right? Just off rip because who I was raised with and around, it's a lie. So we have to be careful. One, I'm not worried about dying old and alone. I have relationships. Two, if God has not ordained that I have children, there are plenty children who need love and care in our churches and in our communities. I'm not lacking, I'm not lacking. Oh, I lastly, there is no lack with God, nothing missing, nothing broken. Come on, do you hear me? Okay, go here, sis. Come on, come on, girl.

SPEAKER_01

They will because they will have you in a tussle, they will be having words back and forth, and that's the whole point because that's that's a way to get you agitated. It's it's an agitating spirit. That's rage bait, girl. Yeah, that's what it is. Clickbait and everything, and also, too, we need to be mindful. This is not only a strategy of the enemy, but this is another way in which some people are making money off of this because if you get more clicks or more engagement off of this toxic material, they're going to get money. That's why those seeds are planted. So there is a financial advantage for some people that are being used by the enemy to sow these types of seeds of destruction. You call it for what it is. Yes, it's a way to sow seeds of discord and unity as trite. And I believe there's a scripture that there's a scripture in the Bible that talks about uh six things that God hates, seven are an abomination.

SPEAKER_00

Yes, Proverbs.

SPEAKER_01

Yes, in Proverbs, you know, a lying tongue person that sows the seeds of discord. That's something the Lord has. Yes, girl. And we should not be willing participants of that. And I know that this has been said on one of the prior segments. I think this might have been said in our anxiety segment, but this is something that I learned as a young Christian. Um, we need to guide our ear gates and our eye gates. What are we allowing to come in? Because there are certain things we are watching and consuming that is causing us to be anxious as singles.

SPEAKER_00

Yes, and what does the word say about that? Be anxious for nothing.

SPEAKER_01

Nothing.

SPEAKER_00

For nothing.

SPEAKER_01

And the Bible also says to be diligent to guard your heart with all diligence because what? Because we're almost the issues of life grow from it. These are some basic principles that we have to back to as singles. The Lord did not put this in his word for a reason, but if we undertake and follow these principles, we will we are able to not only stand on the solid ground, that solid rock, which is Christ, but we will be steadfast and unmovable.

SPEAKER_00

Always abounding, that's right. Okay, always abounding in the word of the Lord, yes, girl. Listen, you know what it is. It's so good, right? And why is it so good? Because I think for Christian singles, one of the hardest things to deal with, yes, is social media, and you know, you can cut off social media, you get off the phone, yes, get off, right? Yes, come on. How many of us deal with just the struggle of getting off? I do as well, right? I'm not I'm not here, I'm not out here playing high and mighty. I struggle with that, right? But the also the hardest part for Christians with these questions is the church. See, the church gets into asking these questions about why you're not married. Are you looking for a husband? What you doing? And I mean, I've even seen it when I was growing up with a church where the church trying to uh vicariously put together a young lady and a young man and act like, oh, you should marry her, she's perfect for you. Oh, don't you see him? And listen, the young lady even started liking him and wanting to be closer and closer. And girl, did not this gentleman marry someone else that didn't even attend the church? Broke her heart and she had to leave. And I and when I saw that girl, when I say I was 15, 16, and they were not too much older than me, she was about my age, and he was about two years older. And I told my mother, I said, You know and my dad, I was like, you know what? This is where I got problems with the church. Because why would you play, why would you do this? You do not know what God is calling someone to. Stop harassing people about are they married? Where's their man? What is it? Is it's about time. Because listen, marriage is not the end goal. The end goal is that I spend eternity with Christ. Come on, there is no marriage in heaven, marriage is not a fruit of the spirit, it is not a requirement to know him in his fullness and in his glory. It is not, and if you're not careful, the church will only do ministry and events for married people, and like you once said before, because you and I had this conversation about how you will sequester single people to children's ministry, youth ministry, get in the kitchen, yes, and you can't do anything until you're married, as if married people are fragile, like you can't work with a single person, you don't know how, you don't have the you're not holy, God can't keep you. Girl, the same guy that keeps me keeps you. What girl? Let me calm down. That is a thing. The church will destroy something if they're not careful, if they don't get a perspective shift, honey. This is a thing, Lord have mercy. Honey, you talking about could talk on this forever. This is a thing the church got to line up with. Yes, you got to support young people and their singleness that they would run a have a passion and pursuit after God. Yes. Then I'm gonna just act in my flesh and tear something apart. Exactly.

SPEAKER_01

Exactly. I'm not gonna be married, I'm gonna glorify God in this marriage because when you get married, you still have to serve the Lord and glorify God. One flesh, and you still need to live on fire for God, despite the fact that there's different responsibilities while you are married. But what we need the body to understand in terms of ministering to singles, it's not like my sister just said, it's not just about marriage and preparing for marriage. We need to be disciples of Christ. We need to disciple our singles, our singles need to be encouraged and loved on. We need to check on our singles, and our singles cannot be an afterthought. Our singles can stop being an afterthought. We are all a part of one body. A phrase that I put periodically in some of my posts is that singles in 2026, we will not be left behind. That is one of the reasons why the Singles Oasis exists, because singles, we will not leave you behind. We have speakers that come on here, like Dr. Sharon, that talks about the widows. I have my sister here in Christ, uh Marlo, where we're talking about, okay, let's find a way, let's talk about ways that we can answer these types of tough questions with wisdom to where we're not ruining our witness witness or causing ourselves or the other people.

SPEAKER_00

I can hear you now. Go ahead.

SPEAKER_01

Okay, I must accidentally hit the mute button. But there is there's a reason why we're why the singles oasis is here. There's a reason why bringing why I have different guest speakers on here, just in addition to me, because we want to impart the wisdom, we want to share the word with you, we want to encourage you because we know some of you that are viewing right now, we know the singles ministry does may not even exist in your church, especially for those singles that are above the age of 35. You know, there may be young adult uh ministries that may stop, need to go from 18 to 25 or 18 to 35, but what about the rest of us? We may not we not may not be able to sit in the mother's row, you know. We we don't fit in the marriage ministry, we don't fit in the youth ministry unless we're one of the leaders in the ministry. Yeah, but what about but what about us? That's why we're here, and that's why Marlowe and I are having this conversation tonight and sharing wisdom with you all because we know you need it. We're doing this out of our love for singles. Singles, if no one has told you this, we love you, amen. Love, honey, value, you are more than enough. Do not ever let anybody else say that you're not enough, you're not good enough because you do not have a ring on your finger, because it's nothing but a lie from the pit of hell.

SPEAKER_00

Amen. And this is a huge thing, and I would say too, if for the single as well, if you are in a place, and I'll say this, I you know, and I didn't realize how unique it was about how I was raised and how I how I've grown up in church. Like, you know, my father has always been my pastor, so I've always followed him, but I've always been in leadership. You know, I've always been in leadership. You know, yes, I was a youth minister for a long time. I minister of music for a long time, co-director of the women's ministry, let's go, you know, discipler of the new little young people who are new commerce in Christ, right? So, what I did not realize, and it is really, I've just really started singing in this past year, is how so many singles had not been able to serve in their church and key places because they are single. Like, what is this? What in and what and and a lot of it seems to have been, and I mean I'm even the apologetics teacher at my church on Fifth Sundays. I preached that message. I mean, like, what is this? And and and some of it has been just the fear of singles intermingling with married people. Um, I don't know, this idea that you're not a whole a whole human being, you know, as a single, um, that's like singles being a single is like COVID. You need a cure or vaccination for it. And the vaccination is marriage. Like this is crazy, you know. And if I could say to any single or into any church that I, you know, listen, the desire of God is that we fulfill his will right now for our lives, right? Where that is, go at it. And unfortunately, if you're in a church where they you're not honored or valued, and if you have already had some conversations like, hey, as a single person, I would love to serve in this way. I feel like God, if you're not listening, ask God about what you should do. Do I stay or do I go? Yes. Because I'm gonna tell you something, honey, that got me, and I and the Lord convicted me very hard about it. I've been at my church here in the new state for 20 years, girl. And listen, I had not thought about having a singles ministry. There was just a point where I did not think about it. I would just say to the singles, come on in here and let's work with me here. Come on and do this with me. Come on to the women's ministry. But I had not until one of the single women had said, You need the singles need something. Yes. I was like, I was like, I am so sorry. And they can't, why did they come to me? Because I'm single. Yes. And they're saying to me, listen, basically, you're doing all this stuff. And that's so great. But we need something. Yes. Let me tell you, and so this is a danger. So what does that tell me? For singles who are running hard after the Lord, and you're going and you're not thinking about it, you just going. You have to remember that all the singles are not there yet. People need to be nurtured, encouraged in the Lord, and shown how they have value already to give to God. And what areas, girl? I'm gonna tell you something light bulb. Because I'm thinking, go hard after God like I am. Well, they they're not there yet. There's nothing wrong with that. That means I need to nurture and help grow. Yes, single. Yes, girl, listen, this is a real situation. Yes, yes, I know because I forgot it myself. Like, no, ma'am. It's it's no pride in me saying, you know, I girl, I forget. I'm I forgot I was single, honey. How people around you are full singles, they desire to be married and you have not paid attention. Open your eyes, yes, girl. This is a real thing, yeah, honey.

SPEAKER_01

And it really is, and and we also have to be mindful that there are singles around us that are struggling and they may not be comfortable sharing that with anyone. That's right. That's why the Lord has strategically planted us where we are right now because exactly they may not go to you know other other people in the church, but because they know that you're single and they see that you're content, they're gonna want what you have. What is it that you're doing so I can get that? There is a way that the Lord will use us. Uh we'll be illuminated in such a way that singles will be drawn to us. They'll be illuminated to the whole, but they'll be you'll see the illumination of the Holy Spirit down on the inside of us, and they're gonna ask God, what how can I get that? How can I have that? How can I pursue you in such a way as a single? How can I get back on track and fulfill my purpose?

SPEAKER_00

Yes, yes. Oh, amen, girl.

SPEAKER_01

Yes, oh this is this segment has been so so good. I don't know where all the time went.

SPEAKER_00

It just went, it just went, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Can I say one last thing, sis? I would sis, you know, I would say there's so there's some there's a there's a frame to look at this one with with these questions. I would say assume that some people have good intent in mind when they ask this. Okay, you know, everybody is not ragging on you or trying to say, ooh, something's wrong with you, you odd, right? No one is, I don't think people are always doing that. I believe that some people are asking one because they do they see the value in you, and they, you know, yes, they believe that another person being married would be a blessing, right? And so here's that's the thing, too, because you shall what if I don't get married, my value still remains, right? Yes, that's the thing. I just you know, but off these questions, assume good intent, then you need to respond with confidence and not always being defensive, unless you know, gauge your situation, right? And then you need to set some boundaries, you can let them gently, you know what? I am not married, and you you know, um, it takes two to be married, right? And just pray for me that God sends who he would, just just keep me in prayer, yes. You know, you don't have you don't owe anybody a detailed explanation about why you are not married, yeah, and then you can redirect to what to your fullness. I am at now in this present moment running hard with the Lord, and it's phenomenal. Yes, how how are you doing with the Lord? And then go on about your business, right? Yes, and so and then ask that, and you know, use some humor when you appropriate and when it's appropriate. I know I do it, girl, please, honey. This day poop, honey. I'm not even I don't swim no more. I need the God, I need God to lifeguard this, right? You know, I just okay, you know, I only swim in clean water, I don't swim in dirty water.

SPEAKER_01

I don't swim in contaminated water because I don't want to get contaminated.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, I mean, you know, you may have to bring some humor into it, and then actually, if it's godly people, ask them to pray for you. Yes, pray for you. Like I have a a I have one person right now, maybe two, who I I'd say, you know what? I feel like God is telling me I need to go in this direction for such and such. Could you pray for me? Who do you have praying for you? Who find them, ask them to continue to pray? Yes, you know, because you don't want to make uh desperate this desperate choices and rash decisions, and listen, you don't want to marry and then long for singleness because you should have done something that God told you to do while you were single. Get busy about what God, you know, like you and I talked about before. Is there something that you could be doing now that is would not be possible if you're married? If it is a yes, go do that. Yeah, go do that, yeah, go do that, and watch, you won't have time to be like my man, my man, my man. You got time, oh god, oh god, oh god, right? Right, or my girl, my girl, my girl, whatever you say. Yeah, yes, yes, yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Oh, sis, this has just been such a wonderful conversation, and I am so glad that you were able to come back and we could do like a part two of this segment because I don't know about you, but my heart is so full. You know, we've had a great conversation, you know. Definitely I took some notes here that I can share um you know on our social media pages about some of the highlights of our conversation. And I we just want to encourage all the singles that are either watching live or either that will listen to the replay or watch the replay. We just want to encourage you. Again, we just want to encourage you, we want to uplift you. You know, we're speaking life into you right now that um, you know, every every word, negative word that someone has spoken to you, whether it's been of the same sex or opposite sex, whether it's been in your family or no, whomever. And if it may have been set in a place that you know that was not in a loving place, we just pull that down. We just cast that down in the name of Jesus. Amen. We just decree and declare God's love over you. And we just want to encourage you to spend time not only with God, spend time in his presence, spend time in prayer and in his word, but we also want to encourage you to surround yourself uh with people of God that can actually speak life into you. So you need to be mindful also of who's who has your ears, so who's actually speaking life into you? Because if you're constantly just you know commiserating and just ruminating or constantly thinking about you know everything that is that is wrong about your life right now, you're not going to view yourself in the same way that God views you. Because just know that God thinks more of you than even you do, and He knows what you need. Amen. So Amen. Everyone, we again we want to thank you for tuning in. Special thank you to to Marlo. Really quick, Marlo, before we sign off, if people want to find figure out who you know where to find you or where can they find you, tell me where can you?

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, you know what, just find me at um Marlohoague.com, you know, or find me on Facebook, YouTube, and LinkedIn in that way. I I would love to connect. Yeah. Perfect. Thank you for having me as well, Mary.

SPEAKER_01

Oh, we've it's just been so, like I said, I just appreciate you. You know, I just really appreciate how you've poured into our audience. I've been encouraged, you know, as well. I've got some tips and things that I that has encouraged me as well. And I also want to encourage our viewers before we sign off. Don't forget to follow us on YouTube, the Singles Oasis. We have our own YouTube page. We're on Spotify, so this podcast will be uploaded to Spotify in addition to yesterday's podcast single again with me and Dr. Sharon. Uh, we are on Facebook, so find us on Facebook, look for Mary Bowen. We've got the live streams there in our past live stream. Check us out on iHeartRadio and Apple Podcasts and all of your podcast streaming platforms. But again, we love you all with the love of the Lord. We're gonna sign off. So have a good night.

SPEAKER_00

Have a good night.

SPEAKER_01

Bless y'all. Bye bye, bye.