Learning to Slow Down - Episode 8

53 hours into this journey, I’m finding that the hardest part is the waiting.

After several conversations, time in nature, and reflection on what comes next, I’m beginning to realize how uncomfortable I am with simply slowing down. Without work, family responsibilities, or a schedule packed with obligations, I’m left alone with my thoughts, my impatience, and the constant feeling that I should be doing something.

This is a real-time update on the process, the people I’ve met, the lessons I’m learning, and what it feels like to step away from everyday life long enough to hear myself think.

#Katabasis #PurposefulDescent #MentalHealthJourney #HealingJourney #PersonalGrowth #CPTSD #SelfDiscovery #EmotionalHealing #InnerWork #PersonalDevelopment #NatureHealing #Mindfulness #LifeTransitions #PodcastJourney #HealingInProgress #Resilience #AuthenticLiving

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:16

Alrighty, so I'm 53 hours in this journey, and a lot has happened since I last talked at around 6 o'clock last night. Um, it's about 6 35 today. Um, I got here Wednesday at 1 30, and so today is Friday. Yesterday, after the ketamine treatment not going so well, I'm feeling very frustrated. I talked to some people and you know, whatever. And uh we scheduled for me to talk to um William today, and we talked this morning, and that went really, really well. And then I was supposed to at around 12, I guess, have what they call integration. And integration is where you talk about your experiment experience with ketamine, and um instead of doing that because I didn't really have an experience, we talked about what the next time would look like and how we would have more time in advance where I'm just more in a tranquil place, you know, maybe a little Reiki and uh the music and the thing off and spend about 15 minutes preparing instead of we I think we had like four or five because I was too concerned with the podcast at the time. And then we also realized, well, I realized the podcast um was affected by where we put the music next to my phone, we put her phone next to mine, and um you weren't able to hear her or me maybe as much. I haven't listened to the whole thing, so um maybe in this this next time we're gonna change where we place things and make it a little bit better. Um, what else is gone on today? Um, let's see. So I I talked to William, I talked to Christina Joy, and um yeah, just conversations, reading, sitting by the pool, not really a whole lot. We were gonna do some kind of meditation tea thing or something at three o'clock, but the guy who's here with me had some kind of medical situation. I'm not too sure what it was, and um, so I haven't hardly seen him at all. And then when I he did pop up, he had to go to the DMV because his driver's license is expired. So we kind of just pushed that off for some other day, which honestly I'm I'm feeling better about this day. Um, right now, instead of it being 10 days, it's 14 days, which I'm very happy and excited about. I don't know a false day, you know. It's like I feel like every day is um got its different, you know, feel and vibe, and what are we doing and what does it look like? Um, I've met and talked to lots of people, so I didn't just talk to those two people, those were just like scheduled ones. Um, but it's like there's constant conversations uh because there's people that come up here, they visit, there's there's people who do just one treatment, or uh there's groups of people or people stopping by to say hi or whatever. I was in the kitchen earlier and some guy was there. I don't know where where he was from or whatever, but we just struck up a conversation. It was really weird. He was talking about he's gonna travel around the world and this and that, and I was like, okay, that's cool. And we just started having conversations. So it's kind of fun to meet all these new people and personalities and all the different uh vibes and thoughts and energy and all of that. And and so I really appreciate that. A lot of wisdom, a lot of guidance, a lot of thoughts. Um, a lot of thoughts, a lot of thoughts here. Um last night, after um, I forgot that part. Last night I hung out with Charles, a guy who's on the work program here, and we went hiking on the back paths and everything. And I just told him as we were eating a salmon dinner cooked by the chef that was really good. I said, I will not hike with you tonight because I am out of shape, and it was quite a quite a trek. We were hiking for like an hour plus, and I'm not used to being, I think this is interesting, but you know, the things you notice. Um, here in Austin, there's a lot of hills, and we are in the hills, and so there's a lot of up and down wherever you walk on these paths. And I'm used to being by Houston where everything is flat, flat, flat. So your body starts to recognize wait a minute, I haven't used these muscles in a while. And uh, so but that was cool that there's such nature and you can hear all the birds, and it's like, yes, I can hear a little trickle of the cars in the background, but for the most part, it's just a very pretty, you know, cool scene. Um, they're fixing it up a lot. Um, just yesterday, uh, they were putting new plants in, and uh, they've got these. One of the things I liked about nighttime is they have those like bar lights, I guess if you will, that are like kind of string lights, and they go from tree to tree, and those are nice. So just sitting out here by the pool with the lights on and looking up at the stars. And the first night I was here, you could barely see the stars. It was kind of overcast and cloudy, it had been raining. Then last night we were looking up and it was it was amazing. You could see some planes in the sky, but when we found different constellations, and we were like, that's so cool, and that's so pretty. And it was just um, I guess taking time to see and have nature. Um, and there are animals out here. Um, in fact, uh, William took a picture of a fox that had something in its mouth that went right by right as I was walking out, and I missed it, but I I saw the the pictures uh or video or whatever. And uh yeah, so it's it's kind of cool to be by nature and see things, and they're planning on uh planting some hummingbird trees and um bushes and stuff, um, so that more birds and and getting bird seed and and just having even more nature, and uh that's really cool. And speaking of you know, wildlife and whatever, there's two dogs here. One is uh a guy who works here, and then the other one's a girl um who works here, and then there's a cat. So there's two dogs and a cat out here, which is also really fun to have them just kind of meandering around and and whatever. Um, so everybody who worked during the week, you know, who has a day job like eight to five here, uh, they all are gone for the weekend. There's no real plans. Um, Heather is going on vacation for a week, and um, so I'm not sure what I'm going to do. I I thought maybe I could, you know, get in my car and drive around Houston. Um, they ordered um some pool floaties, which I'm very excited about. I might just get in the pool tomorrow and lay around in a floaty and just hang out. My biggest issue, and I know it's an issue, uh, even just in the kitchen, I I feel like I constantly need to clean and pick up and take care of things. And um she was gonna make cookies and she had butter out that she had softened, and I grabbed the butter and put it in a container. She says, that was for cookies, and I'm just it's her kitchen, she's the chef, but I want to like do something, so I keep finding things to do, and then I'm like, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I just feel um I feel really lazy. I feel really like I should be doing something. Um, I just very unproductive. I don't know what I would be doing if it was not uh for at least the podcast and reading. Um, honestly, I haven't done the hot tub, the cold plunge, or the sauna yet. And so maybe I could do that sometime this weekend as well. Uh, there's a Presbyterian church literally within walking distance, probably, and I could go to that. I also found out there's a goodwill right down the way, probably within walking distance as well. So I was like, okay, I mean, I could drive too, but I thought I could go out to eat, I could go to goodwill, I could go to church. So I'm gonna try to keep myself busy and find things to do. Um, and uh, oh, the other thing, speaking of the ketamine treatment, Christina Joy said that a lot of places put the ketamine in an IV and they do IV treatments here where they like give you vitamins and stuff. I haven't done it, and she said she hasn't seen it, but I I guess it's on a the schedule and they have the capabilities to do it. And she said, What if we put your stuff instead of in your muscle? Because it's in they did my left arm and they did like I think it was 50, and then they did a boost of 20 in my right arm, and so that was 70 whatever on the ketamine thing, and they're saying maybe we start you and just put it in your IV, and that's what we talked about today. And I was like, that's maybe an idea, but we were gonna have to talk to the nurses about that. Um, yeah, and that's about it. Just um hanging out with nature, talking to a lot of people, reading, sitting by the pool, just kind of waiting. I think that's probably the hardest part of this is that because I didn't have like a real full blown-on experience with ketamine the other day, um on Thursday, that I'm not processing and going through all the emotions and the thoughts and stuff that I think other people do. And so that's kind of weird for me. I I I feel like I should be in that mind space, but I just keep trying to remind myself it's like Meryl Kulgoro, it's doing something in my brain, even though I might not see it, feel it, understand it, whatever. And so that's a step in the right direction. At least I'm hopeful for that, and I'm hopeful for Monday when I do the other one. Um, yeah, but I I do feel a little impatience. Yeah, uh probably at least a three or a four on the scale of impatience, of just wanting to be better, wanting to figure things out, wanting to have enlightenment and understanding and just be in a different head space. So um tonight, might watch a movie. We didn't end up doing that last night. In fact, they said that the whole time they've been here, they've never seen the TV on. In fact, I asked if there was even cable, and maybe we have to watch like VHS or DVDs or something, but like nobody does that. Um, yeah, and that's about it. The ladies who have been up there doing you know stuff up on the hill in uh the temple, um, they've been very quiet. I expected to hear more and see more. They came down for a little bit to sit by the pool, but that's kind of been it. So everybody's kind of, you know, cars come, they do a treatment, this person talks to this person just like this big everybody's doing everything. So it's it's kind of like an Airbnb that you're sharing and hanging out with a bunch of people. So I mean, that's pretty cool, you know. And the fact that I'm doing it by myself without my husband or kids or any responsibilities is a place I have never been in before. Um, I you know, I did take a cruise once, so that was a little bit weird because I didn't have to do anything on the cruise either. Um, and I was by myself, and I that was for five days. So it's just a it's a different experience. But um, anyways, that's it. Just trying to keep up and give you some insights on what I'm doing and what it looks like. And um, right now at the pool, one of the dogs is on the other side, just chilling out, and there's a beautiful breeze, and and uh it's just very tranquil, very tranquil. So just sitting with my thoughts, getting, you know, clarity. I will say, um, Christina Joy, also a Christian, we prayed earlier, and that was nice to pray with somebody. Um, prayed for her conversations, and then the conversations went well, and so um, yeah, just a lot of different conversations and things and needs and whatever, but it's cool to have that relationship. And I think you guys already I said this before, but Christina and I shared the exact same birthday too, so that's pretty cool. And then she said she had a client today, and that client shares the exact same birthday, and I was like, What? That is so crazy! So um, yeah, Leo, we love we we're both Leos, we just like that, it's fun. Um, we're a lot of the same similarities in us too, just the way we rethink and react and deal and just thought process. So it's it's been fun. Um, she's 30, so I'm got 25 years on her, but she's very wise and very cool. So I like that too. Anyways, I think that's it. Um, yeah, we'll see what happens and if I come back or wait till Monday or whatever, trying to just kind of give you an update if anything does happen and kind of the the feel of the place. All right. Well, have a good day. We'll see you next time.