Getting Ready to go Home - Episode 17

Two days before I leave the retreat, I catch you up on everything — cold plunges that felt like a thousand needles, an afternoon at Barton Springs, and a long talk with one of the guys who runs the place. I’m honest about where I’m really at with the ketamine so far, and about the nerves creeping in as I think about walking back into my house, my marriage, my teenage boys. One more ketamine session tomorrow, then I head home.

#KarriKennedy #Katabasis #KetamineTherapy #NervousSystemHealing #TraumaRecovery #MentalHealthJourney #WellnessJourney #CPTSDRecovery #HealingJourney #ContrastTherapy #MomOfSix

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:15

Okay, I am back. It is Wednesday at seven o'clock on uh the 10th of June 2026. And I am sitting in the front room with just the dog Rocky and myself. Um, Rocky and Charles are moving out on the 15th, so he will not be here if you come here. Um, this room has leather chairs, couches, three leather couches, two blue and one red in it. And there's a TV in here and records, books, a bunch of rocks, whatever. Um, and it's the first room you see when you walk in. Most people don't hang out in here. Every once in a while, there's somebody in here, but most people tend to go to the kitchen and the kitchen table's really long table. They either hang out in there or in the room across from that. Um today I did a two recordings actually yesterday, actually after the ketamine one, episode 16, but I decided not to publish them. I'm gonna tell you a little bit about what they were. Um, they were actually one thing, but I accidentally hit the button, so made it two episodes. Um, and it was uh, I think it was some kind of communication thing, and it was just myself and two other people. Um, one was the guide and one was a friend. And so we were in there and we play a game where you say something that you're proud of, and you have three minutes to talk, something that you're not proud of, or that you know, I don't know, I think it's something like that. And then the third one is something that you um would not want others knowing, or if others knew, you know, this is how I feel type thing. And each person went around and talked for three minutes on the subject of that, and then afterwards you said the other people said, You are seen, you are heard, or you are something like that. I'd have to go back and listen to it. And the last thing is you are loved. So you would say the three things and just, you know, and it was just a safe space to talk and talk about things, honestly. Um, I I'm pretty much an open book, otherwise, I wouldn't be doing a podcast like this. Um, so it's it wasn't a big pull for me. The other two people were in their early 30s, and so maybe more of a pull for me. If I was in my you know 20s or 30s, I'm sure it probably would have been more difficult. Um, but now I'm older and you know, I just I don't care what people think about me as much. I mean, I'm sure it's still there, but just probably not to the same level. Um, so we did that. Then I'm trying to think of what else happened yesterday. Honestly, I really don't know. It was just kind of a day. I I don't know. I did integration with Heather where we talked about things and we did that one other thing. And other than that, I I really don't know what happened with the day. I feel like time just goes by super weird here. Um, but today, um, Dermot and I, he's the new guy, we went out to the pool and we were out there for I was out there for a really long time. I got my swimsuit on at 11 o'clock. I did not take it off until about 6:30. Um, because I was out at the pool hanging out, talking. I came in to eat lunch, went back out, talked to him, hung out, whatever. Then I came back in and then I went with one of the heathers to do contrast therapy, which is where you go from the hot tub to the cold plunge to the sauna. And let me just tell you, that was that was a new experience. I did it three times, and uh the cold plunge the first time I it was really hard. The second and third time it got better, and I was able to stay in there a little bit longer. We didn't time it, but it feels like I mean, I don't know what the temperature was, but man, it was like Arctic cold and it felt like thousands or millions of little needles on my legs and my back, and it was just an intense, you know, you have to kind of breathe, you have to do a lot of breathing and kind of handle it. But um, that was good, and honestly, we looked up all the benefits for it, you know, um, everything from psychological to your veins to your hormone, all these benefits. Um, to do contrast, I think I typed in contrast therapy science is what I typed in, and then it gave me all these different things, and so uh we did that and we visited a little bit, and that was nice. And um, yeah, and then I came back up and there's a sound bath that somebody's doing, but honestly, I was tired. I put my PJs on and I was like, I'm not ready to go do a sound bath. And then after that, they're doing some kind of women's empowerment thing or something called red tint. I don't know what it is. I'm opting out of both of those things. I'm tired. Um, oh, I totally forgot the main thing about what happened yesterday. I can't believe it, but that's just the way it goes because there's so much going on in my mind and whatever. That's what happened yesterday. We ended up doing, I did my um talk with the that it's called an integration when you talk about your ketamine and what you're thinking and processing and everything. That's an hour. I did that with one of the heathers, and then we did that game I told you about that I'm not gonna publish um because there's people talking about their private stuff, you know. Um, and then we went to Barton Springs, which is in Austin, and that was probably the highlight of yesterday. I don't know how I forgot that. Um, Barton Springs is this really nice um water, you know, spring water, cold as can be. It was like, I think it's like 60 degrees, if not 58 or something. Um, very, very cold water. And a bunch of us went there and um it was a lot of fun. Um, once again, just laying out, getting some sun. And so now after that, yesterday, I think we didn't get there. We were only there for like three hours. I think it was like 4:30 to 7:30. Um, but that was fun, and um, I enjoyed going and seeing the people and the dogs and you know, all that. It was a good memory because we used to live in Austin and we used to go there, and it was just a good memories. Um, and then we got home and there was other people doing other things, and I decided not to do that, and you know, just like just wanted to chill out. So, today, between yesterday's going to Barton Springs and today being out at the pool, and then doing the contrast therapy with the heat, I kind of look like Bob the Tomato from Veggie Tales, if you know what that is. I am just so dang pink, and I um had gone to the farmer's market a couple Sundays ago and got some creams, so I'm putting that all on my face and my body, but man, oh man. And so um, tomorrow is my second to last day. At 10 o'clock, I've got ketamine with a different Heather. So honestly, this is the third person I'm doing ketamine with. The first one was Christina, the second one was a Heather, and the third one is a Heather, two different ones. I really wish it was the same person. Um, but I will say I get the other Heather for integration on Friday. I I'm pretty sure. And she's the one I've been with the most. So I'm I'm hopeful that that's the case. Uh, so I get IV tomorrow, and I'm not sure something else maybe. Um IV and then lunch. I can't remember, honestly. Oh, I know there's uh there's a thing tomorrow night, and it's like a comedy. Oh, it's like a poetry slam and comedy and music and everything. I think it lasts like an hour and a half, two hours. I can't remember the name. I'll get back to you on that. Um, but that'll be fun. And then I leave on Friday at you know 12 to 2-ish. Um, and yeah, that's kind of the the deal. So um I feel like I've I've learned some stuff, I've had lots of great conversations, I've made some definite life, you know, friends, like friends that I'll keep in contact with. Um, but yet at this point, do I feel like I really got the ketamine? And the answer is really no. Like I don't, I feel maybe a little different, maybe a little more sleep, maybe I'm processing things, maybe my nervous system isn't amped up as high as it probably was. But they said you really notice it when you go back home. The little things that you used to do one way, you're now doing a different way, or you're responding different, or you're thinking things different. And and I get that. And uh one of the guys here who had he he's here, he's done it 12 times, 12. And uh he said even his first time he started to notice effects and just different changes and having serious aha moments. So I'm hopeful that that's my case, you know. Um, but he also said that one of the reasons he's here this time, he's not doing ketamine, I don't think, but he needed to get away was because he had to, you know, give to himself because he was starting to get more amped up, more irritated, more whatever. And he had PTSD as well. So I really feel like I connect with him because he's gone through similar situations, he's had the ketamine, all of that. And so um, I think that that's really exciting, you know. Like he told, you know, his before ketamine and his after ketamine stories and just things that had changed in his life and um relationships and communication and you know, just habits and you know, priorities, all that. And so I think that that is just really, really good. Um, and that gives me a little bit of hope. Um, there's also the big, you know, what am I expecting or what am I getting? And and uh once I'm walking around the house, so now I'm realizing I'm in the kitchen and it echoes. Um what what is the response going to be when I get home? Are people gonna notice that I was there? Sure, my dogs are gonna jump up on me and they're gonna be happy to see me and everything. But I'm like, I have two teenage boys. Are they gonna give me a hug? Am I gonna have to ask for a hug? Are they gonna be like, hey, mom, you know, from the couch? I I don't I don't know what that looks like. Um, I've never been gone altogether. It's like 16 days, um, really almost 17 since I saw my husband the night before he went to work and then I didn't see him that day, kind of thing. Um, so seven, 16, 17 days depends on who it is. And that's a really long time considering the longest I've ever been away has been five days. And even that I I even think I talked and texted with them. And this time there really hasn't been that at all. So there's part of my going back that's just really apprehensive and nervous and a little scared and just intrepidation on my part going forward. Um, and you know, I you gotta take every day by day, right? So I'm I'm looking at it, I'm I'm doing the best I can, and that's all I can do. I I don't have any control over anybody else and what they say, what they do, how they act, how they react, I'm or respond, whatever. Um, I'm only responsible for myself. So I'm really gonna focus on that. Okay, so I got up from my couch and I came back in here, and the dog has taken over my spot. Hey, come back over here. He just laid down, he would not move. So he is completely hijacked at the couch. Um, so I think I'm going to watch a movie and just hang out. I know other people would say I should draw or I should go out and be with nature, I should journal. But honestly, I've had a lot of conversations and a lot of sun today, and I'm just kind of uh I did talk to, I forgot about that part. Not only did I talk to Dermot and just after people today, I also talked to one of the main guys who like owns and runs the place today for like an hour and a half, uh, Justin. And that was a really nice conversation. Um, they call it here in Austin, dropping in, um, which is not a phrase I'm used to hearing, but it basically means you're willing to spend time with the person to see how they're doing, basically, is what that means. And uh he wanted to drop in with me, and I think it was only scheduled for half an hour, but we got to talking and it ended up being an hour and a half, and it was good. Um, but yeah, everybody's wishing the best for me and hoping that tomorrow's ketamine goes well. And I guess that's it. Now I gotta get Rocky off my couch and chill out a bit and hopefully have a good night's sleep before ketamine tomorrow. And I will come back to you after that tomorrow. All right, bye bye.