Vision of My Family as Souls - Episode 18

On my fifth ketamine session, I set an intention for clarity, direction, and peace. What I got instead was a vision I’m still sitting with. My family appeared to me not as the people I know day to day, but as souls and spirits, my husband as a warrior leading a chant around a table, my children and grandchildren all moving together in one purpose. I share what that experience looked and felt like, what it stirred up about how I see my role in my family, and the conversations that followed once I came back to myself.

#KetamineTherapy #PTSDHealing #CPTSD #FamilyHealing #MarriageJourney #SpiritualRetreat #InnerWork #HealingJourney #FaithAndHealing #Katabasis #KarriKennedy

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:15

Okay, so it's uh 1255 and uh it's Thursday the 11th and at around 1030 I did my session. I was actually 10, but we talked for a little bit, and I did my ketamine from like 10 30. I don't actually know how long it went. I think she said 45 minutes, and uh it's a whole story. I'll see what I get into right now. I'm sitting out by the pool, I've got my clothes on, which is probably good because I've got some sunburn from the other days, but a lot of intention on this last one because it was my fifth one. The first and fourth ones didn't go as well, and I really wanted an experience, I really wanted to understand or see something or get and feel something with this one. I really each time you go in, you go within with like an intention, and my intention was clarity, direction, and peace. Those were the three things I really wanted to work on, and I wanted like an overall of feeling and understanding where I should go, what I should do, how I should do it, you know, just answers to questions. And something really, I mean, in the beginning of the experience, it felt like it was way more open than in other things when you're like seeing it. You know, you've got a mask on, you're not, your eyes are shut, but in your mind's eye, right? It was this just big open expanse. And I was like, ooh, this is cool, this is cool. And afterwards she told me that I said that, and I was like, I I that's why, because I remember thinking in the other times I felt like I was inside of an orange or a pomegranate, and it was this cozy moving feeling, whatever. But this started off with an open expanse, and that was very, very different than the other ones. And I was like, okay, I this is cool. And then I went some other places, which I could right now cannot remember, and and little bits and pieces and chunks kind of trickle through. Um, but the biggest thing that happened, and and really crazy, and I really remember this, is and it kind of came out from nowhere. It's almost kind of like your arm reaches out and pulls you in. It I don't know how to explain it. I'm trying. But then I saw my family, and I saw my husband as this like great man warrior guy, and he had this thing, I think it was a tantra or something in his hand, and there was a table, and then all my kids were there, but it was like they were souls and spirits and personalities and all of who they are embodied, like everything they are. Um and they were I my even my grandkids were there, and we were all in this like space and this energy and this vibe and this feel, and we were doing like a war chant around this big table. I don't know what was on the table. It was kind of ethereal in this, you know, sense that I could can't say it looked like this. And it was there was a movement to it, and and we were going around it, and it it wasn't clockwise, actually. Now that I'm saying this and trying to describe it with my hands in the air, it was counterclockwise. We were going counterclockwise around this table. Uh and I don't, I can't. I I was afterwards, and when I was telling her about the vision and and what that looked like and how it felt and everything, it was like my family was all together. We were all connected, we were all on the same journey, on the same vibe, on the same feel. We were of one mind and one accord and and and had a purpose, and we were working together, and it was just this amazing. I don't know how to describe it other than what I am. I mean, I just it's it's really hard because it's in your mind, right? Like it's it's not so concrete, but there's a lot of colors, um a lot of red, a lot of uh brown. Um it was almost like there was fire around us, and maybe in the middle of the table, even, and that all the images kind of looked like they were being windswept a little bit, even us, like uh just like wisps of our souls or our spirit, whatever. And um, it was it was beautiful, it was amazing, it was really cool. Um, but you know, I told her, I was like, well, that doesn't really jive with the way I see my family or I see my husband or whatever. And she said, Well, maybe that's their souls, that are spirits. And I was like, Oh, okay, okay, I I got that. I I felt that I I saw them I I rec, you know, I like recognized them, but they were so much bigger and amazing and better and awesome and like just so amplified, so amplified, like everybody, all all the characters in the story, all the family members. And and it was just kind of shocking, I guess. Shocking to see maybe my husband in that light. I mean, he was he was the one who was in charge, and he was he was taking control of everything, and he was the one who was doing the chant and being in charge and and getting everybody around. And I I really feel like and and this came through in another one where I was the um nebulous. Um, they were saying, I'm the center, I'm the and I was there with them all. We were all doing the same thing. So it was almost it was like a big dance and a war chant and a and a movement around this big table. And I guess I always feel like I'm the one who's holding the weight and carrying, you know, a lot of the the energy and the stress and the worry and the concern or whatever, and that he just he he's not that that that's on me a lot of the time, it feels like. And so um it was actually kind of nice to see him being the one who was the head of the the situation and the circumstance. And you know, we he was in he was the one who was definitely leading. Yes, I was there, but I was following it. But we there was a really strong level of respect and community and family and togetherness and purpose, and it was just a really, really good um good thing. And so um, yeah, I I'm I'm gonna sit with that a little bit longer. I mean, by the time I got out of out of there, you know, because you sit for a little bit and you get your bearings and everything. Uh it's 102 now. I'm trying to figure out how long I was in the house. I don't know. They had somebody come in after me, so I it was kind of like I knew I had to leave because they were doing another person after me. Um, but when they brought me into the house, when Heather brought me into the house, it's a long hallway down from one end of the house to the other. Literally, you can see straight shot, and it's got, I don't even know how many feet it is, you know, a lot of feet. Um at least 90, 120, I don't know, 160. I'm terrible about figuring that out, but it's a very multiple bedrooms through the living room, through the kitchen, through, you know, all that. And um I when I walked into the to the house, it was kind of reverberating almost like music or something. Um, it the way you see, you know, you you hear sound, but you know the sound waves are moving. It kind of when I looked down the hall, it felt like it was reverberating and and I had to stop and I needed a little help. And then uh we got me to the bathroom, and I went to the bathroom, and I still was really wobbly and needed to get somewhere. And uh they took me to, well, Heather took me to the couch, and then they said, Do you want white chili? And I'm like, It's 94 degrees out and it's chili. I did not know. I think on the food thing, this is just me. I don't want any soup or chili or anything with a spoon, like cereal, nothing like that. I can only imagine eating like harder things. Um, and I was like, Do you have any solids? And so I started off eating almond flour crackers because you can't eat for three hours beforehand. So I didn't, I wasn't eating anything. And uh so I ate some of those, and then we had some really good Greek salad with chicken after that. And um, so now I I'm starting to feel better now that I've got food in my system. I think that's really important that if you do the ever do this, that you you get food soon. Um, it just helps, you know, metabolize your body and all the the drugs and everything better. So I'm I'm able to walk straight now and you know feel better. It's really hot outside. I'm like, I've been out here to do this, and I'm thinking I'm gonna go back inside. I actually thought I might take a nap. I I don't think I've taken a nap after any of these in intentionally. I know I have fallen asleep in front of the couch, like after the fourth one, for I think it was like 17 minutes off and on, you know, kind of thing. Um, but I think I might be intentional and just go lay down and see if I can't, you know, recall some more of this and understand it a little bit more. But um yeah, and then I just was talking to another girl here, and I'm gonna tell you two things. I I don't remember what honestly I say from episode to episode. Like I just don't, I'm not paying attention. There's no scripts, this is all raw. Um, but there's a drug called Ibogaine, and I I don't know what it's what it is, what if it's plant or or what it is. Um, but there's a clinic called Beyond in Mexico that um we were just talking about, and it helps with PTSD, CPTSD, which I have um had. Um I say had past tense, you know, I think it's still there a little bit, but you know what I mean. Um maybe you don't. Uh either way, um, so she was talking about that place, and she just got back from someplace where you do something which is called bufo. I don't actually know what it stands for, um, but it lasts like five minutes and it takes you out of your ego self into like a whole nother dimension, and it's really quick, but it it's basically something that has to do with a frog or a toad. I'm not sure the difference. I'm still learning all this. Um, but it's basically, I think, I think you put it up your nose, but I could be wrong. Um anyways, it's a it's an experience and it only lasts like five minutes, but it can feel like a lot longer than that. And she was saying that she uh had gone and done that, and that was uh a cool thing for her to do, and she's done I begin too. So just interesting conversations. I'm I want to learn more, but I don't know if I'll ever do anything like that. Uh, she said in in Mexico at that beyond place, there's nurses, it costs like $15,000 to do it for seven days, I think. And uh it really, really helps people, especially people who have dealt with PTSD, which is interesting to me, you know. So uh she said, you're never alone. There's always nurses, it's very controlled, it's you know, a whole thing. So I was gonna look it up just to check it out, you know. But um, yeah, so that's all I'm gonna do for right now. I've it's almost been almost 13 minutes and I'm hot and I'm gonna go in. I'm gonna take a nap and I'll I'll come back here and do another episode either today or tomorrow. Um, tomorrow's going home, and uh so I don't even know what else is on the schedule for today. I don't know. I should probably look before I even take a nap, but I think that we were doing some kind of tea ceremony or sound bath or something at like two, three, maybe seven. I don't know. I've gotta find that out. So um I'll come back with that. All right. Hope you guys are doing good. Bye bye.