The Slow Burn

Presley has had a busy week! She attempts to gather a rough draft of her thoughts on the idea of a slow burn, and she already knows we will need a part two next week to make it make sense. Enjoy! Link to YouTube Video: https://youtu.be/D_ebYuqTbnw

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:04

Okay, you guys, welcome back to Presley's Pod. Happy Sunday. I hope that everyone had a great week. And I hope that you continue to have a great week, okay? I have approximately 20 minutes to get this, to get this information out to you, okay? I have been very busy, but busy is good. I was talking to someone and he was like, we've been talking about how we were so busy, blah blah blah. And then he was like, busy is sexy, and I love being sexy. And we do love being sexy, okay? So busy is good. Also, side note, I was listening to Bruno Mars's album new album. I think I've said this before, but I think we're all like forgetting that he is um a superstar. So just wanted to give Bruno a little shout out. I know that you oh my gosh, I know that you listen. Thanks, Bruno. Okay, so I touched on this last week, but I have been having like some stomach issues, and I finally pulled the plug and went to the doctor. So this time, like next month, I have to go get that like little procedure done that we all know and love. And she was like, You need people to come with you because you have to go under. So I was like, Okay, obviously, Lauren and Addie, shout out. Um, so they're gonna like come take care of me. And they're like, Oh, we'll like drop you off, go get a drink, come back. I was like, Well, it's it's gonna be 30 minutes, okay? It's gonna be quick, so don't get distracted and start yapping around and leave me there, okay? Anyway, that's that. And I feel like sometimes, you know, let me just anytime I would eat something, I would look like I'm nine months pregnant, and we don't we don't need that, we don't want that, and so then I would just like not really eat anything, and then I would wonder why I was so tired all the time. So I feel like something is off, and I'm really hoping that maybe this can solve it, and then if it doesn't, maybe I have to go down that road of like food sensitivity, whatever. Anyway, but health is wealth, okay? Okay, so obviously got my hair done. It does not look as good as it did right now because it's very dirty, but I also had to get my nails done just because I needed like sometimes you just need that extra little boost, you know. And next up is spray tan, obviously. But when I was getting my hair done, I had to update my hairdresser. Okay, the pigeons outside my window are going absolutely insane right now. That's so New York. I don't know why they just like flocked my unit. Hopefully, you guys can't hear. I don't know. Anyway, I was getting my hair done and I was updating her on like all the tea, all the drama, all the men, and I was like, this one gone, this one gone, this one, whatever. So then I was like, Oh, well, there's someone new. And I was like, he's 26. And she was like, Aren't you 26? And I was like, Yes, my point, exactly. And so talking about him, whatever, and her only she's like married with kids, happy relationship. Her only follow-up to me telling her about this man was does he plan dates? And I'd be like, Yeah, we did blah blah blah. And she was like, Does he plan the dates? And I think she was making the point of like, if he's not planning dates, and he's and my answer was yes, by the way. But if he's not planning dates, if you're talking to someone and he's not planning dates, he's not taking the time to think about what you want to do, or maybe he's just like, Yeah, let's go here and then you can just come over. Like, is that there's some situations where you're like, great, we're casual, whatever. But if you're looking for a future relationship, some potential there, that's probably not how you want to be treated in the beginning. Because I think when someone takes the time out of their day to plan a date or make a reservation or call whoever and get it done, that is very attractive. But if he's just like, yeah, let's do this, and you can just come over, it's like uh no, thank you. Anyway, perfect example. The 26-year-old finally took me to dinner. Shout out. These activity dates are just I had to reset my system, okay? We had to sit down at dinner. He made two dinner reservations, and he said, he sent me both of them and said, which one do you want? He was like, This one's more like this, this one's more like this, which one do you want to do? And I was like, correct. Like getting it done, letting me decide. And you know what? I feel like sometimes you it's annoying to listen to people talk about things that are going well. But I think as a girl, and I I listen to other podcasts, and whenever the host would like talk about someone they were dating that they're like now married to, or that they're now official with, I was like, oh, I want that. Like the way that she's talking about how he treats her, the way that she's talking about yada yada. Like, we talk we dwell so much on the bad, but it's it's nice to talk to girls that are in great relationships because then you can be like, oh, I like that, I want that, or oh, my person does not do that for me. Good to know. And so, like, yes, girls, we chat already, but I think it's important to like if you're excited about something and you feel good about something, like you have to have girls to tell that to. And I think it's important for us to like take little mental notes of like, oh, he's doing that, maybe I want that, or he's doing that, maybe I don't want that. Anyway, circling back, how am I doing at time? Okay, we're doing it. Circling back to planning dates. My dear sweet, sweet Addy girl, she was dating this guy. Well, they went on a couple dates, and they were so great in person, but he wasn't he was actually pretty bad at planning dates. And you know, he said one thing, and I discovered this at a at a young, at a young age, like when I first moved to New York City, I clocked this immediately and I was like, You will never catch me on one of these dates. If a man says to you, Oh, I'm gonna be doing this with my friends, or this at this event, party, whatever, and then I'll come meet you, you're not going. You're not going because what's gonna happen? The event party or him and his friends, he's gonna get caught up, and then you're gonna sit in your home ready to go, dressed, just waiting for his text, hoping that he texts you so that you can leave your house and go meet him. It's like, no, you could have done something else. So whenever one of those days pops up, I'm like, no, it's okay, we can do another night. Like, I truly don't care. Unless, unless he's doing something with work. The amount of times that I've like stood outside of a restaurant or like waiting for a man to finish up a work call is just like Chef's kiss. Because I'm like, get it done, babe. Like, work to me. I'm like, I will wait all night if you have to finish something with work, because I also think it's so attractive to watch someone do something that they're good at or something that they're passionate about. So I'm like, take the call. I'll I'll stand here for an hour, I'll go around the corner. I truly don't care. So when it's something, but also that's like just me personally. I'm I don't like if someone has to work, they have to work. I can, I mean, I don't understand why people are like he works all the time, blah blah blah. It's like, well, he has to, he has a job and he has to make money to like it's because I would want the same respect in return. Because my schedule gets I can either be very, very free or very, very busy. And so if I give you that respect of like, yeah, I'll wait down the street while you finish up your phone call. If I'm like, hey, I can't see you this week, I need that respect in return. Anyway, so then I was also talking to my friend. I literally wrote all this down like five minutes ago, if you couldn't tell. I was talking to my friend about dating, yada yada, and she made this great point. She was like, I just feel like the pool, like as I get older, the pool is getting smaller because my standards are getting higher. And she was like, I don't even want the words to come out of my mouth of like, am I ever gonna meet somebody? Like, where is he? But she was like, just because the pool is getting smaller, like, am I like those thoughts are starting to creep into my head? And it's like, what do you tell someone? Like, what do you tell for me? I find it hard to like relate to because I see that, like me, like with my person partner, mar I don't know, married maybe like way later. Like, I see that like 10 years down the road for me. So I find it hard to relate to my friends that want it, like within the next three years, because I'm like, I got all the time in the world. But like, what do you say? Because no one wants to hear, like, oh, he's coming, like, just you know, keep holding strong. I will say the more that you like focus on yourself and your own things, um, I think he'll like pop out of nowhere. And she was saying, she was like, I'm not gonna, like, I don't really want to meet somebody out, but I think it's you gotta, I and I totally understood that, but you at least need to like still be going out and still be socializing, but maybe there's other ways, like a gym or maybe like some sort of workout class or something. And she was like, Well, yeah, I used to go to the gym, but I would spend most of the time in like the locker room and like the female sauna steam room, and I was like, You gotta get out there on the floor and hit that treadmill. Um, but I was thinking about Addy too, because Addy's 24, I'm 26, Lauren's 28. I, when I was Addy's age, like two years ago, because Addy is going through like, okay, this sucks. Like she goes on, well, actually, she went on a date last night, and I think there's some potential here. Like, he was normal. He was normal, he made a reservation, she was running late, he was running late, he called the restaurant and was like, hey, this girl's about to walk in, just like escort her to the table, but we're both gonna be late, blah, blah, blah. She got to the hostess stand, and they were like, Oh, he called about you, blah, blah, blah. Like, perfect, great job. But the two previously, like, bad, bad, bad, bad, all bad. And so I was like, what can I tell Addy to like bring her like some hope, right? And so I was thinking about when I was 24, like it was pretty, it wasn't fun. And I feel like it was always like, oh, like that didn't work out, that didn't work out. Like it felt a little like unorganized and kind of chaotic of like trying to figure out what lands for you and what you like, and she's doing all the right things because I always say that you need to go on multiple dates with multiple kinds of people, different jobs, different backgrounds to figure out like what lands for you, and she's doing that. And I also think, I mean, not now, but I do think when I was like dating a lot, it was always nice to do like date multiple people at the same time because then you could kind of be like, if you're sitting with someone, you're like, Oh, I kind of wish that this was so and so right now, or oh, I like the way that this person did this, but not this person. Like, you don't want to like put all of your eggs in one basket too quickly. So I also oh, the only thing that I want to follow up on before I get into this next section is I feel like something with as you get older, you just become more confident in yourself and whatever. But something that I've noticed with the 26-year-old is I truly feel like I'm being fully myself around him. Like he's already seen me, no makeup, hair's a mess after a long day. And I think that's such a good sign because there's been other people where you're like, oh, I feel like I always have to be on, or I have to have like the perfect little outfit, or like the hair has to be perfect, or like you like just feel not as settled and relaxed around them. And I think that's also a good sign of like that's not obviously your person, but also that your worlds aren't gonna like quite align. Um, and there's definitely more. I feel like this episode is gonna be like the tipping point of what we talk about next week because I haven't had a lot of time to flush out these ideas because I've been busy, but busy is sexy, and I love being sexy. So what I want to talk about this week is I love a slow burn. We know this, we all know this because I look at the relationships in my life that are happy and healthy, and I'm like, you know what? They took their time and it's working. So I would like to do the same, right? But at what point is a slow burn too slow? You know, like what is there like, is it for me? I have an idea of like, I don't even want to say deadline, but I just want to make sure that whoever I'm dating, we make it through a certain part of my life together. And it's like, are you aware that you're signing up for this? I feel comfortable having you in my life during this intense time, so that we're all on the same page. But also then again, I see stuff where it's like, oh, you know, your person should choose you and you should be like, because I remember with one of my friends, like the guy that she was seeing, I was like, if he's telling you that like you're his wife, why is he not locking this down? Like that's not making any sense to me. So those words came out of my mouth. And so now I just want to make sure that I'm not doing the same thing with the 26-year-old. And then I was like, you know what? I know what it is, I know the difference. Because if you take the slow burn, right? You can either have a slow burn coming from a more positive place or slow burn coming from a more negative place. To me, a positive place is like, hey, I like you, but to me, getting into a relationship is serious. So I just want to take the time to make sure that like we're both on the same page, that we both really like each other, that we're really getting to know each other, because obviously, like getting to know the person that you're about to like date and pick your like boyfriend, partner, whatever is like a big deal and they're gonna be in your life a lot. So, like, you want to make sure that you know what you're signing yourself up for. But if it's coming from a positive place of like, yeah, like this is working, but I just want to make sure that it's going to continue to work, versus the place of like, I want to like suss them out a little bit more, or like I want to make sure that they can prove to me that they're like worthy of my time, or I want them to do X, Y, and Z, and then maybe I'll date them. Like, if you're giving them in your head, if you're like, oh, well, I want to make sure that you know they're like this, this, and this, versus just taking that. Okay, wait, let's think about this. That to me is like a checklist, whereas if you're in a slow burn, more of a positive way, like there's no, there's no list, right? I'm like, how do I explain? I swear, sometimes I visualize things and then trying to like articulate it just doesn't happen. But this whole like podcast YouTube show helps. So with a positive slow burn, I see it as like there's just like a world of possibilities. There's no checklist, there's no nothing. With a negative slow burn, it's like, oh, let's make sure that he does this, boom, check, or that he does this, boom, check. Like it's very listy. I also think there's something too, like maybe this is just a female thing, but there's definitely been guys that I've sat across from and I'm like, I know that I that we're just here for like casual good time, whatever. I know that you're not like locked in with me. And I know that this probably like isn't gonna be a thing, but I swear there's something when you're sitting across from someone and you're like, oh, like we have something here, like this is gonna go wherever it goes, it's gonna go somewhere. And I also think too, like, if you're wanting the slow burn and you're wanting to take your time with something, that's totally okay, obviously. But if your person doesn't want to like, whoever you're seeing doesn't want to stick around and wait for the slow burn, like that's also okay because it's you know, like 50-50. But if they want to like stick it out with you and wait it out, I just like you want to make sure that it doesn't become some sort of like controlling tactic. And I think that's where the negative slow burn is. So I think we just keep it positive, we keep it light, slow burn, it's not that serious. If it ends, it ends. If it doesn't, great. Like either way, it's gonna be okay. And I have to keep telling myself this. Okay, we got four minutes. I have to keep telling myself this because I'm like very much of a type A stressor, if you couldn't tell. So whatever happens, like it's gonna be okay. It's not the end of the world. If things end with someone, this is like what I preach about being independent, not putting all of your basket, all of your eggs in one basket with a man, like having your own life so that if it does end, like you're okay because you just they see ya, like you're gonna be okay. Anyway, so I think as long as the slow burn is like coming from a positive place of like you're excited about this, but you just want to take your time and you're like communicating that with your partner is like, hey, it's like not you at all. Like, I like you, we're in this, but I just want more time. I think that's okay. But if you give them a checklist of things that they have to like accomplish or prove to you before you start dating, that's where I think the slow burn gets a little weird. Anyway, something that the 26-year-old asked me the other night, which I had never thought about, and again, maybe because I see this happening for me in like 10 plus years, but I just want to make sure the girlies are thinking about this. He was like, What do you want in a partner? Like, what do you imagine your like partner is like? And I had never ever thought about that. I think because as a female, you just spend so much time trying to like dodge the weirdos, and you're just like looking out for like your safety, and I'm like, I don't know. I think the first thing that came to mind was like, he's gotta be nice, he's gotta be trustworthy. Like, I need to be, I need to know that you have my back. And then as I was talking about it more, I'm like, oh, I'm looking for a partner in life, like I'm looking for a teammate. I want us to be like on the same level, and I want to be motivated by that person. And I was like, oh, it's because that's how I feel in all of my friendships. Like, I'm so inspired and motivated, and I always leave any sort of like hangout with friends feeling fueled versus drained, and so I want that in a partner as well. And two more minutes, okay, and to wrap this up, this is gonna make a lot of people very, very happy, and you know, I think it's just because I've been really busy and trying to find the balance of like work versus play. We've talked about many a time on this pod. I think I think I kind of maybe want to go outside soon. I think it's time for Presley to put on a cute outfit and like maybe hit the town pre 10 p.m. So I hope that everyone has a great week. I I tried to get Hayden on, but like we said on our episode, our schedules could not be the more opposite. Truly, truly. So I think next week, because trust, you're gonna want to hear how this date went. So I hope everyone has an amazing Sunday, amazing week, and I'll see you all next time. Bye.