The NJ DAD Podcast
The NJ Dad Podcast is where fatherhood meets humor. Join Andrew Parise for honest conversations about parenting, marriage, work, friendships, and the everyday chaos of suburban family life. Some episodes are solo, some feature guests, but they’re all built around one idea: being a better dad doesn’t mean taking yourself too seriously. Whether you’re changing diapers, coaching Little League, navigating date night, or just trying to survive another trip to Costco, you’ll find relatable stories, practical perspective, and plenty of laughs along the way. New episodes every Thursday.
The NJ DAD Podcast
Switching Seats (with Jeff Gorra)
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SPEAKER_01When I found out that we were leaving, I was just, I was just ex ecstatic. I couldn't wait. I just I ultimately I wanted to do two things. I wanted to meet girls and play baseball. And and I got out to Jersey and both of those things happened happily. Hey, welcome to the Fatherless Cheat Sheet. I'm your fatherless friend, Andrew. And tonight we're doing something a little bit different. I'm going to be answering the questions, not asking the questions. Very good friend of mine, one of my closest friends, actually, he was on the show before. His name is Jeff Gora of Artist Waves. I just know him as Jeff Gora and a couple other things I won't say right now. But as most good ideas happen and come up, sitting at a bar with one of your closest friends, he asked me, Would you ever think of having someone come on and ask you questions? And I said, Well, no, not really. I never thought of that. But yeah, I guess. I said, Do you want to do it? He said, sure. And that's about it. That's kind of how it started and went. And he's done a ton of interviews for artist waves, a ton of great interviews with musicians and personalities and really fun people. And I said, You'd be the per perfect person to do this. He knows me very well. We have a great time together. We have a great time talking, chopping it up, and just having a couple laughs. And I have a feeling that this will be no different. So I'm looking forward to it. I don't really know what he's going to ask me, but I guess, I guess it's my turn here. So uh I'm looking forward to all of it and and just sitting down and having a drink here with a close friend and and just talk and have a couple of smiles, and I hope you enjoy it too. So this is the Fatherless Cheat Sheet. Check it out. All right, welcome back to the Fatherless Cheat Sheet. I have Jeff Gore with me of Artist Waves, Jeff Gore of a very, very, very close friend of mine. That's how I know him. Hey, Jeff. What's up, brother? How are you, my man? What's up, my man? I'm doing great. I'm actually really excited about this. I just, before I hand things over to you, I have one question. Is that okay? Of course. Firewall. May I? All right. You've interviewed Willie Geist, Kay Adams, Brandon Boyd, Nick Exam. I could keep going. Why the hell would you want to interview me?
SPEAKER_03Well, you exceed them all in terms of uh in terms of story, personality, vocal ability. BMI. Not maybe some. That's right. No, you got them. You got some there too. No, man. Your story is uh, first of all, just as if not more compelling than uh I think a lot of those people put together. So it's quite the honor.
SPEAKER_01Thanks, man. Thanks for thanks for uh thanks for dreaming this up. I mean, uh I said it in the intro, but you know, a lot of good things happen when two buddies get together at a at a local town bar over some beers.
SPEAKER_03So let's do it. Especially if it's a local one. The local local water I know.
SPEAKER_01The one, the one that we we know what we're talking about. We're not gonna say it, but we know which one it is. A lot of good times here.
SPEAKER_03For sure. Well, I appreciate you switching seats with me here and uh giving me the keys to your pod because your story is uh what makes this engine run. And, you know, listening to you talk over the past few months, obviously your platform is so um engaging and compelling in terms of the underlying subject matters that you're getting at and how you mix in some comedic undertones and some some personality that that uh have really clicked with a lot of people and and the guests you've had too. But you know, I feel like underneath it all, it's it's you. Like it's authentically your story that's so generous and giving to the questions you've asked and the people that have tuned in. That that I that deserves to be illuminated uh even and broadcasted even more. So when you want to jump in, when you want to get going, I'm ready to fire them at you.
SPEAKER_01Hey, let's go. I'm I'm ready, my man. I appreciate that that intro here. I'm ready to go.
SPEAKER_03All right, let's let's tell the story of uh who I know is Spike here. So uh I what I want to do is I want to start going back a little bit, right? So maybe this is like the opening. This is like the the the scene in a in a in a show an uh an hour or 30 minutes deep where it's like 35 years later, 35 years ago. Uh you know what I mean? So let's talk about your early beginnings and where maybe some of this has come from. So I feel like when you're a kid, maybe sometimes be a teen between the age of like, I don't know, two and five years old, that all of a sudden you have this like every human has this like awakening of like, wait a minute, I'm I'm a little kid and I'm a human and I'm alive, and the that's who I live with. Those people take care of me. This is my room, that's like my sister, I think. And like it's all of a sudden like you just come to. At least I have some vivid memories in my life of like those little snapshots of like, oh, wait a minute. I'm like, I'm I'm I'm here. Um do you have those? Uh do you do you have any flashbacks or like kind of Polaroids in your head of your first memories of uh wait, um, I'm Andrew, and like I'm life?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I uh I do. I actually I have a very and it's uh I guess it suited me a couple different ways, but I've always had a very long memory, even from being very, very small. I actually have some memories of my my dad who, you know, he did the basis of the show he died when I was three. So if I have memories of him very long time ago, but I always I always remember I kinda always remember being uh being like the aware of everything and just very very energetic and not not in an obnoxious way. I was just interested in everything. I just felt like this is this is fucking cool. Like, what is this? I want to do this, I want to do that. And then I, you know, I always had an awareness of my mom and my sister, and then, you know, uh, I don't know, that's not really telling the story, but I don't know. I I I always felt like I always felt old. Does that make sense? I always I always I always felt like a very old, uh, an old soul. I always felt like I kind of was used to used to everything. It wasn't it wasn't new to me. I don't know, that sounds like a weird thing to say, but well, what else is done with me? But I don't know, I just felt like I kind of it's like, all right, this is what we're doing, let's go. That that's kind of was always my attitude.
SPEAKER_03So within there, within that in that story, in that feeling, do you have recollection of maybe it was second nature, maybe it always was the case of like what you talked about, what happened with your with your dad, of like this is what this is what happened, this is where we are. Like, what are your memories of that being or was that oh is that your own is that how it always was? I mean it's kind of a hard question for me to ask, to be honest, but No, I got you.
SPEAKER_01I got you. Uh uh was it right, was there like a was there a before and after, if you will. Yeah, yeah, there was. There was there was a I do remember a a a family um a fa a family entity that was larger. I remember the trip to Disney because that was like the last trip that we took because he was dying. And like when you color it with that brush, I mean, Jesus Christ, it's the saddest fucking thing you ever heard in your life. And then uh but and I remember the afterwards. I remember playing playing on the um the Neiler with G.I. with like little green men underneath his casket. And uh and then I remember the aftermath, and the aftermath was, you know, was long-winded and and sad and and heavy. And uh, but there was a lot of laughing too after, which is just fucking crazy and weird, but that's how we've always dealt with stuff, just with with a laugh. But it was always there was a very there was a very clear line of demarcation, even as a young, young boy, of that. And then with that for me came a very a very prominent feeling of all right, we gotta figure this shit out. And that's again, this sort of how I always been, how I have always been.
SPEAKER_03Um your sister talked about that a little bit in your first episode of how I think she told a story about like even to this day she keeps like a backpack in her car because she's like, Yeah, yeah, I always gotta be prepared, you know. And I was like, Yeah, no, that's in a way that's such a touching uh thing for her to say and to talk about. Um so I that's that's what I'm asking, that's good I'm getting at. It's like how much how much in your in your first, you know, five between the age of five or ten years old, was it an adjustment shocking or like this is all I know?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, it was probably more of this is all I know. If I had a if I had a the scales of justice, it was like 95% to five percent, this is all I know. Because I think the I think I probably even subconsciously, just sensitively as a as a sort of a a sensitive kid even then, as young as I was, I probably knew something was going on. And so, yeah, it was all it was all kind of the yeah, this is this is reality now. So, so let's go, let's put the gloves on and and f figure it out. So yeah.
SPEAKER_03Prior to moving to the suburbs, you bounced around the city for you, you were in the city, were you in the same area of the city before going to the suburbs, or did you did you move around a lot?
SPEAKER_01No, I was in the same place. I was, you know, I was born in the same I was born on, I always say I was born at at at 4 35 on a Friday uh of happy hour in the West Village and across the street from the best bars in the world. And so uh and and uh yeah, I grew up in what's considered Park Slope or Windsor Terrace and the top floor of a brownstone. And uh yeah, I was there. I was there for 15, you know, 15 years, just about, yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03I remember you telling a couple episodes back the story of bringing the rent down. That being one of your one of your um responsibilities. Did you feel at a young age, do you at that age, did you feel like this is just what this is what I do, or did it feel like I hate to use the word like a responsibility, but did it feel like this is more of like how I have to participate, or is it just more of like routine?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I that's a that's a great way to put that. And it felt more of a, it was definitely more routine. It was definitely more of a responsibility that I took on. And I I always I always wanted to alleviate a little bit of stress from my mom. Always, I really, always tried to do that, genuinely. Now, I'm not saying that I wasn't a kid sometimes and was like, I don't want to do this. This sucks. They smell like BO and corned beef cabbage. Like, I don't want to go down there. He's like, I'm like, look, it's seven o'clock. He's he's boxed off gin already. I don't want to go down there. So it was, you know, sometimes that, but for the most part, I really was cognizant of, all right, you know what, this is gonna make her life easier. Let me just go do it. I could fly down the steps, it's quick, drop it off. They like me better than her anyway. And it was what it was, you know, it was a boy. So what are they gonna what kind of shit were they gonna give me? So yeah, it was probably I also honestly too, you know, when you when that happens, you kind of you take on that banner of, well, I'm the boy, I'm the man now of the house, I have to do this stuff. And as delusional as that is, because what the hell was I gonna do it, you know, eight, ten years old. But yeah, probably just more of just business, you know, the business at hand, really.
SPEAKER_03It's very admirable of you. And and serious how how strong you've always been um in every way. I want to jump ahead a little bit to a couple years now, to when I get the the pleasure of getting introduced to to brother brother Spike here, and you're a sophomore in high school. Obviously, prior to that, you must have known or there must have been some some lead up that hey, we may we may change things completely, right? We may leave the city, we may go to the subject and and always start again, or start a new, start a new chapter. Yeah. Did you want to do that? Or were you like the karate kid moving to California of like, you know, Mom, why'd you take me here? I want to go home.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. No, I I couldn't wait to get the hell out of here. I couldn't wait to get out of here. I felt my I felt so I felt so claustrophobic where I was. And uh I I you know, I went to a a Catholic school in Brooklyn, and our, you know, it was on one block in Brooklyn, and our recess was was few and far between, and on the sidewalk, and I wore a goddamn clip-on tie and it's shitty polyester fucking pants with they were awful people, and that was the best option. And then, you know, I I so I felt stuck in so many ways, and then like being a kid who I would come home from school and have to stay in the pla in the house upstairs because my mom was at work. Emily was doing her thing as much as, you know, she helped me out and watched me as much as she could. But like I had to stay put a lot of times unless I was at the schoolyard. And so I just felt this sense of claustrophobia, ironically enough, because it's the city. Now I love, I'm in love with New York City. Don't get me wrong. And I I was there last week. I plug in whenever I have meetings or I go in for whatever. But for the most part, when I found out that there were we were leaving, I was just, I was ecstatic. I couldn't wait. I just I ultimately I wanted to do two things. I wanted to meet girls and play baseball. And and I got out to Jersey and both of those things happened happily. So it was, and then I met great, great, great friends, two great friends who I'm still friends with to this day, one of them taking a time out to do a Q ⁇ A with my silly ass right now, but as you. But yeah, I was so I was fucking relieved. I couldn't wait to get the hell out of there. And like at my in my uh core, I'm I'm a a New York City kid, but I just needed I needed more, you know? Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Well, it's there's excitement to it, right? There's like you're talking about, uh, and there's a thrill. And then there also must be moments of fear and maybe a little bit of you know anxiety. Um but it's weird because it's a balance of fear and fearlessness. Because you gotta have some element of fearless of being fearless to be like, oh yeah, I'm I'm going. I'm going. I mean, a sophomore in high school is that's a tough age.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Um, especially, you know, you're not starting fresh with everybody as a freshman. You're you're basically plugging into established things. Uh um, so what was that transition like of being like a total high of the thrill? And then being like, well, how do I how do I find my way in this New Jersey group, which is different than a city group?
SPEAKER_01So so different, man. And uh that was tough. There were there were definitely some learning curves, and it there were there were kids and and there was socioeconomics going on that I didn't understand. There were even fashion trends and this and that that I didn't get. I didn't I didn't get it whatsoever. I mean, I came in just raw. And um, you know, the thing that's always been on my side, I have to be honest with you, and I've said this before on the show, I I'm like a flake. I sometimes things just don't occur to me as I'm moving through the world. And I think I'm a fairly intelligent person, but sometimes I just move about the world. I'm like, oh, that just didn't occur to me. And so that's helpful. I'm like a like a like a himbo sometimes. I'm like a fucking male bimbo. I'm like, I don't know what that all right, whatever, we'll just figure it out. So it's it's like naivete, maybe, but that feels impossible. It's almost like it's almost like a uh like a like a chosen uh uh sense of delusion. I kind of just block shit out. Maybe that's a better explanation for it. But I've always honestly I've always had a sense of I've always had a sense of certainly a sense of vanity, but a sense of like I really don't give a fuck what you think. But there's also the duality of the same kid who's, you know, became an actor because it probably needed some kind of acceptance or validation from whatever. But there is we're all there's a duality with all of us. So when I got there, there was a little bit of both, I guess you can say. And definitely, definitely the angry, bitter Brooklyn kid for sure.
SPEAKER_03Well, I'm the I'm the same way to some degree about the naiveness, and then I think back on certain major decisions in my life from from the age of, I don't know, 16 to 26 or something. And I'm like, why did I do that? And then what was my process and like vetting that out? And I was like, I didn't have one. I just didn't give a shit. I was just like, oh well, yeah, that seems fine, whatever. I think I can make that's cool. Now and you're like, wait a minute, I didn't think about this, and whatever. But I I think that's part of the reason why we instantly connected. I'll never forget walking into that math class on the second floor, you being seated in the front. I don't know if I remember, I obviously knew you were you were new to the school. I don't know if I knew a heads up that we had new people or if anyone ever paid much attention to that, but we were grouped together quickly, and I could feel how authentic you were from the jump because I'll never forget the way that you asked the question. We were introduced with another kid, poor kid, poor kid, poor kid. No, not that not that we weren't good to him. We were kind and friendly and yes, but I mean, we're talking about a genius in math.
SPEAKER_01It was carrying the mathematical load. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03I didn't even know, I mean, what math class I was in, and I still probably don't. But um I remember you saying, you're gonna go out for the baseball team this year. And I remember you said said it that way, like go out for the team. And you had the Doc Martins, and I was like, oh, what an interesting human and what an interesting way to ask me that, because I think more people will, especially within the clicks that we were found there, were found there, were gonna be like, you know, had would have some sort of judgment to that question, yeah, of like either belittling you or competing with you, or trying to suggest that their sport was better than yours. I don't know. But I remember I remember connecting to that line. And what I'm getting at here is really baseball, because you mentioned it, and I feel like as of all the people I've known that have loved a sport in my life, I've seen you your passion for baseball come through right away and in a different way, like almost not in a in a healthy way, like not super uber competitive. Like obviously you were competitive, you played competitive very high level, but that you just loved being there and you loved being around the game and and you were just it just it was your happy place. Uh am I right in am I on the right path with with what my explanation, my assumptions of what baseball meant to you, especially as a kid, as an outlet.
SPEAKER_01Yeah Yeah, it was one of the only places I I sort of felt safe or um comfortable. It was one of the only things that I was good at. I felt like that when you're a kid, you you don't really you you don't have the ability to game out. A lot of different things that that or try try out what you're good at to a degree in my situation. Um I didn't try a lot of different things and but baseball, I just I was drawn to it and I played it. I just I just fucking loved it. I just loved it. And I I was I loved the physicality of the skill. I was pretty good at it. And I could f I forgot about everything when I was playing. And I was a catcher, so like I was involved with every single play, and I liked that a lot about that. So when you're a kid, when you're a husky kid, as I was, they go, all right, put the fat kid in the gear, put him behind the plate, and just let him do it. And then but for me, they did that, and then I just stayed there and I caught through college. And there's a there's a real there's a real mentality behind being a catcher, you know, and it goes back to what we talked about before and what I've talked about in the show is like there's a protective nature to someone who's a catcher. There's there's nurturing there. There's, you know, you're you're nurturing your pitcher. He's the pitchers are mental patients anyway. And anybody that disagrees, fuck off. You don't know baseball, because pitchers are fucking mental patients, and you have to talk them off the ledge and you have to work with them and figure out what they're gonna do if they have their stuff that day. And and like I did I did that from a very young age at the house, like figuring shit out with with my mom and my sister and all those machinations. And I'd strap you strap the gear on. It's protective, it's a protective armor. But ultimately, I just love being out there. I had so much fucking fun. It was so fun. It just, it was so goddamn fun. And then when you, you know, one of the best feelings in the world, honestly, if you've ever done it, is hitting a home run. The the fight the the finality, the finite nature of hitting a home run is is there's there's just something to it, and there's something supernatural about the game, and I could sort of wax romantic about baseball all in, and it's and it's been hard. I've met horrible people. I've met horrible people through baseball. I've met the best people through baseball. I've had my heart broken by it, I've had my heart fulfilled by it, and I I've pushed things. I was ahead of my skis. I was not a Division I skilled player, but I worked so fucking hard, and you can actually do that. And and you know, and I wound up being I wound up being an okay player with some really great moments, but at the end of the day, I don't know. There was uh something about it, and I still love it to this to this day. And but I I I uh yeah, I I don't know. It kind of got me through some tough times. I'm not sure, honestly, if I didn't have if I didn't have baseball, I'm not sure what would have happened because I mean I I didn't I wouldn't have had any uh path or focus, to be honest with you. I fucking hated school. I hated it.
SPEAKER_03You were a gravitating force. You you were you were the you were the uh the center, you were the heartbeat of that club. You you you spoke, they listened in the in the best way possible. But you meant you mentioned something that there that I that I I always infatuated with. You said like when you were there, you couldn't really focus on anything else. And I feel like in general, when you have something like that, even if it's just like one wave that you're surfing or one hill that you're snowboarding down, and you're like, well, I'm not that I'm not that good at it, but I'm okay with that because I know for these next 15 to 18 minutes, I can't focus on anything or else I'm going to break my leg. Yeah. But nonetheless, I feel like when you have that type of ton that that type of like really tunnel vision thing and you enjoy it, it is one of the best feelings and remedies, kind of like your home run um thing there. So I I got that sense that that you know, like people sh everyone should have that thing that we're like, I can't focus on I can't focus on anything else because if I do, man, I am screwed. And I and I don't want to be screwed, and I really like this.
SPEAKER_01That's it. And and it was, you know what? It was like, you know, they always say it's better to have loved than to have lost. When when I, you know, when my days were over after my senior year of college, I didn't watch a game for two years. I didn't watch it for two years because I knew it was over. And I knew it was over in the way of, yeah, I've played since, I've played men's leagues, I've played softball, and I have fun doing it. But I had to, I had to sort of like heal up psychically because I thought that I I was going to actually play professionally in some in some way. And I think even that that dream or delusion helped me sort of get through a lot of difficult times. And honestly, too, uh baseball helped me get through college. I never would have finished college without baseball. Never, never, never, never. First of all, it got me into college. They wouldn't have accepted me with my grades if I didn't, if they didn't want me for baseball. And I just wouldn't have stayed on the path. And I did pretty well my my last couple years of school because it was more like the things that I liked to wound up doing public speaking and writing. And new I was in the newspaper and things like that, film classes. But but baseball really was the was the North Star and guide and guiding light. Um and I just fucking loved it, man. I loved it.
SPEAKER_03Well, you know what's you know what's too is pretty cool about your story with baseball is that you know, correct me if I'm wrong, but you had a coach in high school that was a pretty prominent figure in terms of New Jersey high school sports. And he seemed like he seemed like I knew him a little bit too, but he seemed like someone special in your life who like he's that guy saw you, uh, is my interpretation and he respected you and he loved he loved he loved the hustle. And you guys remained close. I saw him at your wedding. We we shared week and told stories that we've that I was so happy to finally tell him. Um great guy. And uh, you know what, and that's special because uh not a lot of youth athletes these days have that. Um so would you agree that like the the relationship he had, the trust you had he had in you, I mean, that was a pretty cool formative relationship.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, that uh honestly, and and I would say of that, you know, of that nature, one of the only ones I've ever had in my life, to be honest with you. And uh when I met him, I met him on a visit. I came over to the school because I was coming in, you know, late, like you said, to sophomore year. And when I met him, I said, I said, hey, how you doing? I said, I'm your new catcher. And he just started laughing at me. But I think he liked, I think he liked uh my my approach. And I had sort of a, like I've always had with everything else, a workman-like approach. I worked my tail off, you know, um, and we had a very uh very good relationship. Look, he would he would tell me three times a game, get you Andrew, get your head out of your ass. You're fucking like he would yell at me and shit, and I would uh wave him off and say, leave me alone. Like, you know, we went at it, but it was it was something that I needed, and it's and he under he understood how important the game was to me for sort of bigger reasons. And he did, and he did, I did mention, he wrote me, he wrote me a letter years ago. I mentioned this on an episode a while back, and he wrote me a letter my senior year because he also he retired um from coaching my senior year, so we kind of left together, and he wrote me a letter kind of saying, like, I knew what was going on with you. Don't think I didn't know what was going on with you sort of personally, you know, there's some stuff going on, but uh and and it meant a lot because I never and I I've said this recently, like, I don't do I don't do well with with with male relationships. It's just I don't I don't understand it. It doesn't make any sense. I never had to do it. I never learned how to do it. And so yeah, he was a special coach and you know, mentor to a degree, you know.
SPEAKER_03It's an important lesson for anyone who coaches now, you know, yes, winning uh at a youth level, winning championships, hanging banners, whatever, getting a trophy at a party, that's fun. That's memories the team will never forget. But if you could do something like that, that's uh that's something, you know, that's something even more special. Yeah, uh and more honorable. Um and you know, we're now we're kind of getting into this, this adult phase of your life. And and you know, let's just go to probably the most adult thing uh that an adult could do as his parent. Um when you look about when you look at I like to look at somebody and look at like the major pillars in their story, right? And as to like what their what their makeup is, and I think we touched a little bit about on you know baseball and and and where you're growing up in in the city and stuff. When you look at the fat the the great father that you are now in a s in the in the area where a lot of these stories happened uh for you, do you see some of these things come out in a different way? Or like, is it a totally brand new experience? I'm sure there's days where it's a totally brand new experience and you're like, wow, uh where am I? I didn't know I had that in me. Yeah. Where there's probably days where you're like, you know what, I I could see why I acted that way or why I'm parenting this way based around some of the experiences I had.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah. I would say, I would say in the best, best way possible. And boy, we don't we don't have that kind of time, but I have I have fucked up. I have fucked up, I've made bad decisions that that thank God didn't go so badly. And, you know, I've I I lived a I lived life, man. And I I think I think a lot of it just the impulsivity, it a lot of it just kind of came from not knowing what was gonna happen. I was always a little worried about or thinking I wasn't gonna be here that long. I've always had a very dire appreciation for time. It wasn't like, oh, well, you know, we don't always, we don't always have all the time in the world. Mine was like, all right, we're gonna, I'm gonna die soon, so I better go do this thing. And I think as I got a little bit older, that calmed down a bit. And then I sort of said, well, Jesus, man, you you, you know, you could have gotten hurt, or you you did this, or you did that. Um, I guess in a long-winded way of saying everything has been sort of prelude to my daughters, and I take, I take very seriously uh most experiences I've ever had, and I I treat all of those things as lessons now that I will try to pass along. And to answer your question, yeah, I have like I said, a long memory and a lot of experiences, and so when I think about my girls. Yeah, everything, every all all those things come into play, and uh yeah.
SPEAKER_03Well, they're the best, and and they're learning from the best. Thank you. There's nothing like seeing those those little uh the little eyes latch on you when you in your name after a long day.
SPEAKER_01That's it.
SPEAKER_03You know, conveniently, our good, our good buddy Brian Fallon from the Gaslight Anthem, you know, our cousin down the street, our cousin down the street.
SPEAKER_01Down the shore.
SPEAKER_03Um, he put out a song today that's called uh Not Bad for New Jersey. And I was reading the press release, and it was it was you know, there is uh a comedic undertone, but there's also like a per a huge pride in hey, we maybe we get a different different rap, but you know what? I I'm freak I'm still here, man. And I did what I wanted to do, and I'm doing it pretty well, and I'm still here. And I and I think he he captures that that attitude of New Jersey quite a bit, yeah. Almost differently, and probably more sometimes uh relative than any other artist from our beloved state because he's uh close to us in age and has kids the same age, but nonetheless doesn't give a shit. He did it. Um but what I'm getting at is like do you feel that New Jersey attitude and being a being a father in in our sweet garden state? Is there is there that edge that that pride to that too? Is it different than you think maybe that and and somewhere else if you were if you were raising your kids in the city in Brooklyn?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah, especially what this the city and Brooklyn are now, not a knock on it. It's just different. I think you just deal with with different uh uh uh hurdles and challenges. And even in other states, I would say New Jersey is very, it's very unique. I think that look, I think that something that all dads can sort of rally around is is the is navigating the the occasional and sometimes existential frustration around just really trying to do your goddamn best while being a flawed human being. And I I think that I think that New Jersey specifically and and where I am and where you know where you're from, it plays a it plays a role in that. I think there's, you know, I have I go to this, I go to this goddamn gym and I love this gym so much, but this goddamn gym, every third motherfucking car is a is a $160,000 vehicle that I swear to God I I want to take a five-iron to the hood because the guy made me wait while he backed into the goddamn spot. And there's a there's a there's an ecosystem up here that is it just toggles between the working class blue-collar, the uber wealthy, and everybody in between. And and then you say to yourself, Well, I'm giving my children such an opportunity to grow up in a just a beautiful place. We go to this this this lake in the summer and I stand there and it looks like a goddamn rock wall painting. My girls are in the water and they're happy as anything. And then and then, you know, and then I get out in the parking lot, and some asshole in a G-Wagon is is is almost running us over, and I'm chasing after the car, you know. And so it like there's there's a level of absurdity here that that just you can't you can't make up. And it just there's an I don't know, I just think there's an edge here. There's an edge. I think dads are dads, and dads are phenomenal, and they're great, and we're all fucking trying our best, but there's a difference between a New Jersey dad, a California dad, an Ohio dad, and whatever. So yeah, I think I think that living up here definitely is just it's hysterical. And I try to just I try to just laugh at things as much as I can, even when I'm crying on the inside.
SPEAKER_03It's all you can do. I'm the same way. I love New Jersey with all with everything I got. And I I I remember having a conversation about this once, and they're like, well, it's you know, you're in the pr you're in the shadows in New York City, so maybe it's like that's what factors into the rap about it. But you know, I I moved out of New New Jersey, and one of the things that sometimes I would the feedback I would get or the comments is like, oh everybody uh you know wants to be famous, or you you know, or you're uh you just want to be, you know, the center of attention or something like that, or you're trying for these dreamer things. And sometimes sometimes they're right, some some people, but I think on the most part, there's a pride that is really, really strong um and and tangible, but it's also not that. It's also that like, well, no, there's a lot, just a lot of passionate people and they're not afraid to go for it. And it's not because they're gonna be signing autographs on every corner, it's because they want to do something that they love and they're not afraid. Uh maybe that's an influence from New York City a little bit. I don't know. Could be.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, not definitely. I think so. I think I think when you look, when you when you drive down, when you drive down Route 17, and my girl's like, take, take the, take the highway, daddy, take the highway on a clear day. You can see the skyline. And then you can go, you know, as as we do, go into the city. And then we come home and we take a breath because we're not in the city anymore. Like, it's it's it's right there. It's right there. And that's, I mean, boy, is that a is that a a metaphor for my entire career in the the business or the business adjacent or the business that won't totally let me in. But it's uh, yeah, I we love it up here. We love it up here, and I don't know. And it's it's become it's my home and and um I can't people ask me sometimes, would you move would you move to California? Would you like, I don't really want to. Yeah. I don't want to. If I if I don't have to, I won't.
SPEAKER_03Do you feel like the your location and your passions are what led you to the environment of pursuing acting and writing and or was that did that come from a different place?
SPEAKER_01Uh I I guess I guess to some degree when you when you live in the you know, when you grow up in the excitement of New York City and it's just god damn, it's just got a pulse, it's its own character, and you there's some there's just a a font of interesting people and stories, and you just kind of you soak that up as a kid. So yeah, I definitely think that's that's part of it. The acting thing, I don't know what the hell I was thinking with the acting thing. I'll be honest with you. I think that I wish early on I I got into the writing more and I didn't focus on that as much because that experiment on its face was like, I don't know, uh you know, the the acting thing I think is almost to a degree dubious. And you know, too many people were like, oh, you know, you should try to do this. You you know, you you're tall and you can speak. I'm like, oh, that's great. Yeah, thank you. I guess maybe I'll give it a shot. So it was, you know, ill-informed, and and I yeah, you can speak. But yeah, uh sure. I think I think it's probab definitely, definitely geographically speaking, it helped. I mean, I used to even work in being in the city, you run auditions and this and that, and you go back to your your day job or whatever. So it definitely helped, yeah.
SPEAKER_03It's also kind of the beauty and influence of New Jersey a little bit when you see this happening, you know, 40 minutes up the road, and you're like, well, you know what? People are coming all over just to get an hour here. I have this at dispose. I might as well, I love it. I might as well give it a shot. Seems like a good melting pot of a lot of my interests and talents. I might as well give this a shot, and I have something to say. Um so I mean, on the I I guess this is leading me to one more New Jersey question, which is yeah, a few years back I was out of the cross tournament and um with my own with my oldest son, and there there was a travel team there from New Jersey, which would have been, had I raised my family there, it would have been the team that he would have played on there. And ever since that time, I've often thought about that, like what it would have been like to to to be, because I'm not a New Jersey dad. Uh at heart I am. Physically, I'm not, but I don't give I don't anybody says at heart I am. And you could spend two days where I live and you can tell that I'm a I'm a New Jersey dad. I believe it. It's all good, but nonetheless. Uh how would you define a New Jersey dad if you were to pick like two to three different characteristics? Like this is who, this is what this is what this is what you are. This is how this is the similarities between them. Um what comes to mind?
SPEAKER_01Definitely, definitely grit. Definitely grit. Just it's very dense here. It's hyper competitive. Uh humor, because you have to have a sense of humor with all the the bullshit that goes on around here in this sort of super saturated place and and some of the crazy machinations that you have to deal with and and people and and and passion. I think there's a I think there's a passion that goes on up here, and there's runoff, I think definitely runoff from the city in terms of that. Um so those three things, I mean, and also I To be honest with you, where we are, there's a lot of transplants as well as well now. And I think there's a level of there's a level of of warmth and acceptance and and dad's his understanding, which is kind of cool. I've seen lately as I've sort of branched out and made friends that I didn't really want to make and talk to people I didn't want to really want to talk to, but I did, and I was happy I did it. But there's a warmth that goes on. Uh and there's a as an example, we're at this thing, and this guy shout out, his name is Andrew too. He's a boy, he's from Alabama. He's like the sweetest goddamn guy. He's like just a nice guy. He actually listens to the show. He's just the nicest guy. And I go, I'm like, where do they make you? How do they do this? And he's a good dad, he's a good guy. And and I don't know. So maybe, maybe when you meet people like him and and and obviously knowing you, I don't know, maybe that I let my guard down just a little bit. But I think I think just being a being a dad in general, you have to have a sense of humor. I don't care where the hell you're from geographically, but you have to have a sense of humor. You gotta you gotta grin and bear it and and try to hold on to some of your own individuality. And I try to do all those things daily.
SPEAKER_03Right on. Right on, brother. Here's mine. I have one answer to that question of what the definition of a prime poster New Jersey dad is.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_03You know that it is Taylor Ham. Damn it. It is not pork roll. I won't eat it if you call it pork roll. I don't care how good it looks, what you put it with. Fair. It's Taylor ham. That's what you have to say about that.
SPEAKER_01You like that Taylor ham and cheese. Taylor ham and cheese egg and cheese.
SPEAKER_03There you go. You know it. Doesn't sit as well as it used to when uh, but nonetheless.
SPEAKER_01Well, look, I know nothing does.
SPEAKER_03So anyway, bud, I want to bring this full circle. I got one closing, closing sentiment for you, closing remark, and I'm stealing a play off of your playbook. I wanna, I wanna drive it home, the encore here with your encore. If you don't mind me asking, another one hard to deliver a little bit. I wanna ask you from the heart when you think about what's the I forget the exact way you phrase it, but the what's that thing your your dad used to say? Oh, my old man used to say that sticks with you, that you carry with you today, whether it's something that you've asked about or heard stories about or something you recall, um, what's your answer to that question?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, boy, in terms of him, I gosh, I I don't I it's the only thing the thing I think about with him, I remember a couple different memories, but from what my mom says, and and I sort of uh gosh, I I I just didn't know him that well, but I think about his eyes because when I see his picture, he's behind me. Not not that not that picture, he's over there. But people have said, like, uh you have his eyes, you know, and there was an intensity to his eyes and to him, even though he was about half my size, and he had a sense of humor, and he he sort of had an interesting way of moving about the world. He was a writer, and and sort of I don't know, I guess I guess when I think about him, I think that sort of about the person that I didn't really know. And so if that's a if that's a sort of shitty way to answer this question, but I what I would say is if I can answer this in a sort of a different way, I I can't think of anything that he's that he obviously he said, or even my mom said, or anybody said to me over the years, but over the years what I did learn through through my mom and my my grandpa and um my family they're all really really kind, warm people who in despite all of it and in spite of all any kind of negative thing that went on, worked their tails off. They worked their asses off. They approached life with a a workmanlike approach. My mom worked her ass off and and it was still funny and warm, even when things were fucking hard. And my grandpa, you know, it was worked on a roof for 70 years to literally make for the American dream. And my whole family really was was like that on my mom's side. I never knew my dad's side of the family. But I think that's what I learned, and and the most important thing was like two there were three things that were really important, if I could sort of pull from your last question. In my family, the most important things really was just be nice, not that fucking hard, work hard, and humor. And that's it. Like that's it. And and now I've defied those things over the years, and you know, I'm not perfect, believe me. But those that I try to adhere to those things and with my girls, and you know, be nice, work your tail off when you can, and and be like just fucking laugh, because this thing is this thing's absurd. It's crazy.
SPEAKER_03We're all just doing what we can. And you and you you nailed it, you guys are a uh, you're a you're a force of positive energy. Thank you, ma'am. No matter, no matter where we are, no matter who in your family we're we're talking about or is with us, you're uh you always you always bring the laughter, and you always bring the positive vibes. And thank you. Even after knowing you 30 plus years, that's been something so sweet about this platform is that I've learned a lot about about you and you guys of things. Oh wow, I know that. Um and not like in any sort of judgmental way, in in in a way like, oh, that's that's cool, man. Like I didn't know that.
SPEAKER_01Uh well, give me something. What give me something? What's you what's give me what you is there something you could think of like off the top of your head? I did.
SPEAKER_03Well, I remember when um you were telling a story. Sometimes it's not not necessarily a fact, it's more of a perspective and it's and it's a respect and a and a point of view. And you were telling a story about a coach, too, when you had the coach on from Teals, about the dude that stood behind the fence or whatever, and he was like heckling and stuff. Yeah. And I'm thinking like, you know, we've shared a lot of stories about things that we've gone through over the years. You and I'm like, wow, I never heard that one. And that's a that's a pretty intense one. Yeah. And I'm like, the fact that you're you could have handled that the way you did in that moment and during that situation, and evolved and grew out of it. I'm like, yeah, that's pretty that's pretty remarkable. So that's like, I don't know, maybe that's kind of a deeper example than like, oh, I didn't even know you had a green car and liked to drink soda.
SPEAKER_01Sure. Yeah, yeah. I understand what you mean.
SPEAKER_03So it's one of the things, it's more maybe thematic, um, or that it's more of like experiences I'm sitting I'm maybe I'm talking about.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I hear you.
SPEAKER_03And I think I each one, each conversation I learned more. And and I think what you're doing, like I said in the beginning, is is this is a story worth telling, but it's also very generous.
SPEAKER_01I thank you, man. And your time was generous. And this is again, uh, we could go on and on and on, and we but we won't do that with everybody. And you'll you'll come back again, and I want to have you when you come down, when you come down here for work or something, we'll have you in the studio, and that'll be even even better, even though it's hard to top this. Jeff, thank you so much, man. This is really fun. I hope you had a good time doing it.
SPEAKER_03Always. The honor was all mine. Thank you for letting me do this. Thank you for uh giving me the desk, brother. I I appreciate all of your thoughtfulness and all of your your um your very insightful and honest answers.
SPEAKER_01I appreciate you. All right, all right, guys. Thank you, Jeff. Thank you. Okay, I hope you enjoyed that one. I sure did. I had fun with that. I hope I wasn't too long-winded. I thought Jeff asked some great questions, came on, he took over, and we had a good time doing it. I always enjoyed talking to him, and uh it's never uh I don't know, is it is it ever easy answering questions about yourself? Give me a nice little lesson in empathy from my guests. So the next time I have someone on, I'll try to really put myself in their shoes even more. I try to do that, but anyway, well, I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you learned something about me. I hope you had a smile, and I hope you keep listening to the fatherless cheat sheet, YouTube, subscribe, Instagram, follow. Those are always nice. Say hello, reach out all the things, all the ways.
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