The NJ DAD Podcast
The NJ Dad Podcast is where fatherhood meets humor. Join Andrew Parise for honest conversations about parenting, marriage, work, friendships, and the everyday chaos of suburban family life. Some episodes are solo, some feature guests, but they’re all built around one idea: being a better dad doesn’t mean taking yourself too seriously. Whether you’re changing diapers, coaching Little League, navigating date night, or just trying to survive another trip to Costco, you’ll find relatable stories, practical perspective, and plenty of laughs along the way. New episodes every Thursday.
The NJ DAD Podcast
Duality of Dads (with Wade Belair)
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SPEAKER_02Hey, welcome to the fatherless cheat feet. I'm your fatherless friend, Andrew. Today we have Wade Belair on the show. This is the guy. You know when you just meet somebody and you go, all right, yeah, this guy's this guy's gonna be all right. Wade's one of those guys. He's a an investor, he's uh he helps brands grow and scale uh from a creative standpoint, from a business standpoint, he's a businessman. I can give you all the pedigree, but I'm not going to because the thing that's more interesting about Wade is that he's just a decent dude. He's a good guy, and he's he's a successful guy, and he's working, he's working on himself. He's on his own path and journey. We talk quite a bit about that. We talk about his old man, we talk about his Jersey roots, as he grew up about 20 minutes from the shed, the shed I'm in right now in Jersey, and he's just an authentic, accessible person, a successful person, and he's still he's still trending up, as they say. But hell, it was a great conversation. I hope you enjoyed it. As always, the fatherless Chi Chi. Check it out. Okay, welcome back to the Fatherless Chi Chi. I'm very excited to have Wade Belair with me. I I feel like I know the guy. I'll be honest with you. He's a Jersey guy. Kid looks like a matinee idol, for Christ's sake. He's got a lot going on. I want to talk to him about all of it. Wade, thanks for coming, dude.
SPEAKER_01Thank you for having me. You got it, man. Very exciting.
SPEAKER_02When I have when I have people on the show, the thing that interests me most in talking to people is is like I think ambition has a negative stigma attached to it. If done the wrong way, it is shitty. It is negative if you're stepping over people. Yeah. And looking into your your story, your history thus far, because it's still pretty new because you're a young man.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Uh, I I just all the different all the different things you're doing. You're doing stuff with with uh you know, building brands, and and now you're sort of um making an entry into sort of more mental health and things like that. Yeah. Sort of helping motivate people on different ends of things. I want to know what like your week to week looks like. Give me, give me sort of a regular week for you.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, my I mean, I think like I've mentioned this before, like I am blessed to have come from a kind of a you know a prominent background where that gave me the flexibility to get involved in all these different types of projects because I had uh you know the freedom of movement and like the the network kind of built in. But so I my week to week a lot is doing uh like pitch meetings with brands and founders and mostly consumer brands who are trying to build from this from the ground up and you know, find their place, find their market, find investors, which is kind of where I come in as well. Um I my background is from the creative side of brand building. Like I used to work for a creative agency that built the brands from like the ground up, finding your voice, your you know, what it's gonna look like, what it's gonna sound like, where you're gonna retail, how you gonna who you're gonna partner with. Um and then I flipped to the other side because I wanted to invest, and that's where, you know, the family background kind of gave me that freedom, luckily, where I was able to have money to invest into like you know, into these companies. And um so my week-to-week a lot is meeting with founders, talking with founders, they tell me like the direction they want to go. I find ways where I can A help them not just financially, but like network-wise, um advice-wise, feedback-wise as a consumer, as somebody who's kind of seen this. I feel like for a lot of these brands, like I'm the target consumer as well, where it's like, you know, young metropolitan guy, like who like has who he's picky with things. And I um and then the other part of my week is me trying to pursue this master's degree. I've still we're still like in the early onset of it where I'm you know, where I'm not actually like in class yet doing things, but I'm trying to, because I have no background in it, I'm at a disadvantage. And I was it was recommended to me that I start doing things in the space, but it's like hard. It's almost like telling, like, you know, before someone's a lawyer, like you should do things in the in the legal field. It's like it's hard because you're not a lawyer yet. But so what I've started to do is volunteer. Um so I just recently like signed up at the LGBTQ center in in West Village to try to like, and I asked to just get involved in programs, whether it be like counseling groups, like a big brother mentorship, things like that. So that's the kind of direction I want to head on on that side. Um and then the you know, the other other than those two things, the other part of that I do is like I'm trying to pursue you know this and like I try to get creative and I try to write a lot and I'm trying to you know write more, put more out there, reach out to people, talk to people like you, and like hopefully get these types of opportunities to you know speak and talk. And sure. Uh I mean that's what that's I would say actually, that's my entire week, is just talking to people. It just it's just the context just changes. Um and I love that. That's my favorite thing to do in the world.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, and I and I tell you what, it's when whatever, whatever you're doing, whatever industry, I think that the thing that we forget nowadays, because I get all I get all nowadays of it all sometimes, uh as a as an aging New Jersey dad, but you know, the the connective tissue, that's this, and that's why it was sort of so important for me to have this studio and have someone like you come in and and sort of break bread together. I think you you you break some walls down and you can really connect. So I could see how you could do that. You're doing that on a daily basis, which is fantastic. I love it.
SPEAKER_01I yeah, I agree. I uh I think there are people who just like that's that's what they it's it's EQ versus IQ. I I took inventory recently and was like, what are you good at? Like, I'm not a math and science channel. Yes. But what I'm good at is people talking to people, getting into like reading people. I mean, a lot of like this the venture investing stuff is all people. We invest in people, we don't invest in brands. Like a lot of brands are similar, you know. There's there's like 12 different you know, health beverage brands that are competing for the same spot, same category, but it all comes down to just like the guy or the woman and who and like who they are, and like it's just people, so it's all people's game. And I think EQ is in my view, more val to an extent more valuable.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I would agree totally. I mean, you can I I I think a bullshit meter is completely invaluable, yeah, and so important. And honestly, too, you you save yourself a lot of time and trouble, right?
SPEAKER_01100%. I people we talk about this all the time where it's like when you're in this position, uh, people try to work you left and right and bullshit you and tell you this, and like especially with just like in general, not even you don't have to be in my specific position. People who work in this realm of like startups and whatnot, you meet people who are like, you know, I have I have the the you always know it's a red flag when someone says I have the Uber of health drinks, I have an apple of whatever supermarkets, and you're like, you're it's already you're already drinking your own Kool-Aid, you're already getting ahead, like this is already delusional, of like it's it's it's a lot of bullshit. And then also just like if you're somebody who has a history of putting you know, writing checks into companies, when you're out socially, people try to work you pretty hard. I got you. You know, I got people who sit next to me all the time or like, you know, like what's up, man? We should be friends, we should hang out. I'm like, you don't want to be my friend. You don't even like me. You don't care if I die tomorrow. Yeah, you know, I know what you want. And it's like if but if you can't detect that, you get worked. I know plenty of people who are like, This is my buddy, I'm investing in his company. I was like, that guy's not your buddy, that guy doesn't even like you. You know, like but I think it's invaluable. I think it's also and I think it's helped me along my journey of everything of personal life, work life, everything. Yeah, um, and I think I'm finally in tune with that. I think I went through a whole a long time of suppressing it, and now I'm leaning into it.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, yeah, and I want to talk about that as well, your story of sort of uh realizing your own sexuality coming out. Yeah. And and I I know where where where we live, you're from a town near near near the shed. Near the shed. And this is a this is a this is a tough place to grow up when you can't be exactly who you are. So you know, finally you could do that, and I think that's wonderful. Whatever the look, whatever the thing is that you can't be, when you when you can't be yourself, it's a half a nightmare. So so I want to hear a little bit about that.
SPEAKER_01I, yeah, and it's funny because I was talking to us the other day, and um I think yes, like I grew up not too far from here, yeah, an hour less 20 minutes away from here. Uh, and there are some places where you feel like it's particularly harder, but I haven't gone even further where I've learned that I think no matter where it is, it's hard for, especially particularly for young men, for boys to like to grapple with this. And I think people and the other thing I was gonna say, just as a pretext is people love to now say, you know, as I talk about doing these mentorship programs, why not? People like it's 2026, like who gives a shit? And it's uh it doesn't when it's the year 3000, people people still give a shit. Yeah, but men internally are it's it's boy culture. It's when you're growing up on the playground, you don't want to be the odd duck out, you don't want to be different, you don't want to feel like because there is this connotation where like I feel lesser than, like I feel less of a boy, less of a man because this truth about me exists. And that's what I think I went through for a long time. Was growing up in Ridgewood, where you know, now when I tell this story, it's almost comical to be because my friends from Ridgewood are the ones who are the most supportive in this whole thing. They're the first people I came out to, everything. But growing up, I was just wanted to be nothing more than just one of the guys through and through. And always had girlfriends, always like took it, took prom date very seriously, you know, was always the guy who always was the guy who wanted to come back on Monday morning from the stories of like I, you know, I hooked up with this girl and this girl at the party, uh, you know, almost trophing it, and that's always, you know, which we'll get to later, kind of like the a big indicator, the guy who's always kind of talking about like I was with all I hooked out with all these chicks, and you're kind of like, what are you trying to prove? Because the guys are like confident and you know in their sex who they are, like aren't always waving the trophy in the street. Um and so it was hard. And I think, you know, I've described it as I always kind of knew I was attracted to men. I never put a word to it, like a like a label. Like I never sat down in my room alone and was like, you're gay. I basically was like, you have this weird quirk to you, uh, but you also like girls, right? Like I was almost talking to myself. And I basically, as like a 13 or 14-year-old, was like, okay, so here's what your life's gonna look like. You're gonna get married to a woman, and maybe when you travel for like business trips and stuff, you can cheat with men. I was almost planning that out, which is so sick as like a 13-year-old, you know, to even be thinking that because you're kind of like already like defeating yourself. You're like, there's no way you're gonna fucking lean into this. Like, you know, you're not gonna accept this. This is bizarre, this is a weird thing, you know, those are the weird people. Um and then, you know, I went through college and your brain evolves, and I still had this secret, but I wasn't leaning into it. I was still, you know, hooking up with girls and having girlfriends and doing the whole thing. And um, I mean, it went even further where I've talked about this before, where I I and I believe when someone is it doesn't have to be sexual value when you're oppressing any sort of truth about yourself, like it's like a can't it's like a cancer, it's like a it's like a disease in your brain. It's you alive, man. And it makes you act different. Like I was a shitty friend, I lied to everyone all the time, my close friends. I would do deceptive things. Like I would almost for like a validation ego stroke, I would pursue girls that my friends are pursuing, and I have this kind of catalyst moment that I talk about a lot where my best friend who's getting married this summer, I'm officiating the wedding, but he was seeing this girl in college, and he told me how much he liked her and all this, and he was like, I'm really happy that I'm like, you know, her and I are going great. And I was just in this sick, uh, twisted, you know, I love him to death, but I was in the sick, twisted mindset of like trying to prove to myself that I'm the man and prove to others that I started secretly texting her and pursuing her, and her and I ended up, you know, looking up. And he called me one day and he was like, What are you doing? Like, who are you right now? This is not Wade. And he and it's crazy that he had the foresight and the wherewithal to say he was like, I don't know what's going on with you, but if you have something to tell us, either tell us now or don't talk to me until you're ready to tell me. Yeah. And then we didn't speak for like a year. And then I and then I finally kind of manned up and uh and and started to slowly tell people. And then there was just one night where I just pulled each of my Ridgewood friends into the we were at a party at an apartment in the city and into the bathroom one by one. And I was uh I was just like, I have something to tell you, and like would tell them, and like I basically would just tell them my biggest fear. I was like, please don't treat me different. Yeah, don't feel like you have to walk on eggshells around me and talk differently and do anything. And they were like, Don't worry about it, gay boy. Like, we're not gonna treat you differently. You know, and they they started joking immediately, which I was like, took the air out of them. I was like, please, I want I want them to hit me. I was like, tell me jokes, make jokes about me. Like, don't fucking start censoring around me or as the jersey away. I know, and it was such a relief, and then I was like, damn, and then it snowballed from there, but I still had I still had trouble. And I I will I admit to this day that I will be in some environments where I'm with people, you know, maybe like a buddy introduces me to three of his buddies, and I'm just like, I don't think these guys are gonna like that. I'm getting and I just like won't I'll withhold it. I won't lie about it, but I will withhold the information. And I catch myself, like, I was like, damn, you think you came so far, but you're still like I still grapple with the like I don't want to fully be it, and it's like this shame thing. And it's like you there's a whole theory that like you really can't, you're not gonna like be successful in a relationship or or in like loving yourself really until like you fully accept it. Like, until there's a point where you can talk to some like you know, Vietnam vet at a bar and be like, just so you know I'm gay. Yeah, that's like that's like the ultimate test where you're like not even in those moments flinch. But I don't know, it's a hard place to get to. Like, I I commend my some of my peers who are like so under oh so unquestionably proud. Like, oh yeah, it's doesn't have to be a pride thing because that's you know, kind of a it's it's kind of like a slogan now, but it's it's more like they're just like they don't like it's a real like I don't give a fuck out of the way. They're just living their life. This is who I am, yeah. And you know, and I'm like, I'm sometimes like damn. Because like I get there's a whole thing in in the gay community about people like me who are like, you know, the more masculine kind of guys whose majority of your friends are straight. Like I have plenty of amazing gay friends, and um, but I'll get criticism sometimes of people like you're a self-loathing guy, you know, and it's like, and I get pissed sometimes, but sometimes I'm like, there's some truth to it, where it's like I don't like to think that that's true, but I think subconsciously that is true.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, but you know what? Like, that's that's the path you're on now. You're figuring shit out. Like, you know, getting getting that shrapnel from from sort of your allies or whatever isn't helpful either because look, you're grappling with this thing and you're being open about it and you're trying. When we I like I always I talk about this on a show a lot. Whatever the if you're if you're a dad struggling with something, you're going through some identity situation with what you're going through as well, like we all need to just give each other a fucking break. I know. You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_01I know. I've started I've started to learn that was a big lesson I've learned recently is that everyone, everyone is suffering in some capacity. Like nobody has is like going through life and I was like, I'm good. Yeah, everyone's got something. I've learned that recently, I would say in the past like five months, I've really learned that because I've talked to people who I thought really had it going on and they just like had something. And you're like, everyone really is just suffering, so you do just have to like have some grace with everyone. I try to just have graceful now. I'm like not, you know, I can be I can sometimes catch myself being judgmental or like so hard on people, and you know, and I'm I've now learned just to be like, I get it, like it's hard. Sure. It's hard, it's hard. It's everything's hard.
SPEAKER_02Like, everyone's got something, and it comes with it comes with life, it comes with age, experience. Empathy comes with all that stuff. True empathy is sort of taking your own purview out of it and going, yeah, you know what? This this person really has something going on. Even some of those sort of more hateful people is like you know what I'm saying? They have the most going on. They have the most happening. Hurt people, hurt people.
SPEAKER_01I I know that uh I know that to be true so much, and I feel like that's what I and I but I used to always hear that these are some of the things you hear your whole life, and you never, you're just like, whatever, whatever, you brush it off, and it's just like a thing your dad said, or your mom said, sorry, that that's on brand. No, no, it's not. You know, okay, it's true. I and uh it's something you just you hear, and then it doesn't really click until you experience it firsthand. And I feel like recently I'm experiencing all these like lessons firsthand, and I'm learning, I'm like, damn, everyone was right about all these things. Like that that hurt people hurt people, that you know, that everyone suffered. Like it's it's it's true, and I you know, I was that. I was when I was in the closet, I was hurting, and I was so I I really was a bad person and a horrible friend. And I think I was a horrible boyfriend because I was just short, I was I was always withholding a little bit something of myself, like the real intimacy stuff. Um I just think it's true, and it's like there's now that I've experienced what it's like to let not let go, but to take the weight off your shoulders and like and like almost release this like source of pain. Yeah, I'm like a new part, like I eyes open. Like it's it's bizarre. If you saw like people who have known me through are like, it's crazy to see your evolution. And I was like, I know, like what a shitty fucking guy I was at one point. Uh and it's true.
SPEAKER_02I was isn't that interesting though, how like when you live long enough, I'll be 45 in September. When you live long enough, you think back 20 years and then 30 years. You live like 15 lifetimes if you're lucky enough.
SPEAKER_01Well, it's also funny that people always say, like, don't you, you know, as I as I you know turned 30, like people were like, Don't you don't you miss being 25 and this thing? I was like, absolutely fucking. I am mentally and physically now healthier and better feeling and looking, I think, than I've ever been. Because like that was the that's that 25 is when you're like in the crux of it all. Sure. And you're really getting twisted. And like I looked horrible. I like skin, you can see it, you can see it in your skin like when you're stressed. You know, like I get pictures on my iPhone that are like memory from five years ago, and I shriek. I'm like, ew. Don't show me this shit. Yeah, I don't send it to my trainer, and he's like, he's like, I miss fat weight. Uh and I uh but it's crazy. I've I think now is that people are like, What's your favorite age? I'm like, now or 17. But you know, like, but now, like I love now. I'm the best I've ever been currently. And like I I I think I've you know, you've probably heard this and other things I've talked about. Like, there was a kind of catalyst moment where I was in like this, you know, relationship with somebody, another New Jersey person, uh, who uh battling with sexuality is still deeply, you know, battling and with it, whether you know, gay, bisexual, whatever. Um and we were together and like really had a great thing, and like I've you know, I have nothing but love for him and Grace. Like I again I'm not into the shit talking or being I hate him, I resent, and I don't hold on to any of that, I have no interest, I don't think it's healthy. But it was a tough two and a half, three years of me finally finding myself and and coming out, and then I have this first time where I'm like, I'm in love. It's the first time ever. So I'm like, this is a precious moment for when you first come out. Like, you're like, this is your first essentially you've you've had your girl, you know, I've had my loves in the past. This is my first true. Like, I'm like, damn. And it was reciprocated. And the reason you can't actually be together is not fundamental reasons, like you don't get along, you're not attracting each other, you fight all the time. It's just strictly that this other person is like, well, I don't want to be public, I don't want to be that. I don't want to be what you are. Right. Um, and I would try to lead by example and be, but look, you can still be one of the guys, you know, and I and it just didn't, he just wasn't there. And if that's his prerogative, and like I can, you know, you can't force someone to do something or be something, but they're like, you know, he is what he is, but he doesn't he can put he doesn't have to talk about it. Yeah, that's what Dominary wants. But I that was a hard thing for me because I was like, that's our only barrier right now. So that we can't and it was sad, and then you know, about a year ago, year and a half ago, like when I started to really feel better about myself, it was because I was like, I can't we gotta stop talking. And then I stopped, and it's like and now I've even got kind of ascended to a new phase, you know, where I have that to reflect on, where I was like, okay, so I went through this being in the closet and coming out, then I had this relationship with somebody who's battling the same thing, but it's affecting me. Yeah, I had my heart broken, and then now I look back and I'm like, hmm, okay. Like, yeah, I've now gone through these two important moments. Um I think I've come out, I feel like I've come out as good as possible. I still slip up, no one's perfect, I slip up all the time. But I was doing I was dealing with a slip up on the car right up here. Someone was like, Why the fuck did you say this the other? And I was like, hmm, yeah I I was just dealing with it 20 minutes, but I was like I have to log in, I'm going on a podcast. I'll talk to you later. Uh yeah, so it's it's it's interesting, and this journey is like crazy, and I'm just like really happy now that I actually it's crazy that I'm doing this. The fact that I'm if you ten five years. Ago, if you told me I was gonna be front of a mic talking about it, like you know, like if I if you told any of these guys, like the guy I know a lot of guys who are like closeted, gay or by whatever, and like if you told them that like you could be talking about it on a podcast, they be they'd fucking shoot you, and then they'd be like, What are you talking about?
SPEAKER_02But you know what though, like, and again, I I just I speak you sort of more generally, but for you, doesn't that feel better, right?
SPEAKER_01I feel free, and I yeah, it's crazy. I've never felt free. I've uh because I I think I always had a character going. I was always playing a part, and like I always and I think I was there, I've you know, mom funny, we're there, we're all having fun, but like you're withholding parts of yourself, so no one gets to know you. Yeah, and like people, I think people like me better now. I know they do actually, because like my friends who have known me were like, I fucking hated you in college. You're such a dick. Like, I you know, it's like because I was angry, so I was like, who am I, what am I gonna do? Like, I'm taking my anger out on others.
SPEAKER_02Well, that's the thing. The most miserable, toughest, angriest motherfuckers are the sad. They're sad. They're going home, they're fucking miserable. Whatever the deal, whether they're their their partner, wife, whomever, is being an asshole all the time, or they hate their job, they're just getting their teeth kicked in there. You know, when you can just when you can be and live the way you want to be, like, you know, and again, it's it's not an easy path. You you know, you sort of went through hell and back with it. You do, you go. But you're thriving, man. That's great.
SPEAKER_01You have to, I think everyone does have to, in some capacity, hit rock bottom. Like, I think it's it's an important moment. Like I hit bottom twice, I think, like for both of those times, and then came up, and like who knows? Yeah, you might hit another emotional rock bottom. But like, it's important because like then you like you know, then you self you self-correct, you take inventory, and you're like, what am I doing? Like, you know, fuck yeah, you get back to wake up and what am I doing moments where I'm like where I'm self-sabotaging. Uh and I even on the on the other side of that, I was talking about this with someone the other day, where like there's also back to like the everyone's suffering, and like uh sometimes the happiest, smiliest, goofiest people. We my mom and I would talk about this about Robin Williams, like the sad clown where it's like the happiest, bubblyest, you know, guy ever is the one who ends up killing, you know, is deeply depressed. But that's what it is. Like, I learned the other day that this, you know, someone I know who's always like, hey, and there's like the nicest guy ever. And someone was like, Oh, you know, this is he's actually going through this right now in his home life.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_01And I was like, damn, like every like he just I've I felt bad that I he was like, Wanna go for a walk? And I was like, I'm kind of busy, but I kind of was like, He's good, he's fucking having a great day, but it's like he probably could have used someone to go on a walk with. Right. And now then I literally was like, Do you want to go on a walk tomorrow? Yeah, because I was like, damn, but it's like again, everyone's suffering. The happiest guy in the world is suffering and the angriest guy.
SPEAKER_02That's great. That's great. You you you when we have those moments that we realize moments of correction, yeah, and you have the opportunity in life to do that. I want to talk about something. I heard you mention uh on another podcast, you were talking about your dad, and the word that stuck out for me, because I talk about this all the time, was duality. Yeah, it was such an interesting thing you said about him. Uh and and obviously there's with with you coming out, your relationship with him. I did can you tell me a little bit about him and all that?
SPEAKER_01He is to me the most interesting guy ever. Like he is so unique in the way of duality, is the perfect word. I'm glad I'm glad I used that. I was looking for the word. Um, he is just this like incredibly smart, successful, like overly successful business mind and people person who's also a good bullshit detector. But he also can be this like very stoic, cold kind of man man, but it's like he grew up in a house where you know it sounds it's from what I know, you know, obviously I wasn't there, but like from what we know is uh you were you the you know the boy was the boy, like emotions weren't really rewarded or talked about, and like if you had a problem, you kind of just figured it out or you swallowed it, and it felt like you swallow it was kind of the the thing. So it's like he's not you know, he's not somebody that and it's weird because like sometimes you can, but for the most part, like he's not ever been somebody that you go up to and you're like, Oh, I'm so sad about that. You know, it's like he's not the emotional guy, that's always mom, you know, that was mom, and like uh and you could, and you know, my my therapist and I talked about this. She was like, But did you try? And I was like, No, because you know what? He probably would have surprised me a lot of the time if I said I was sad, he probably would have tried to help me. But like he I think is battling his own things, and like and then you'll catch him like watching um you know a video, uh some sort of like 30 for 30 on ESPN about some some uh you know NBA player who went through a really hard time with whatever it was, and I'll walk in and I'll he won't even know I'm there and I'll he'll just be weak and cry, and I'll be like, damn, like he he's got it too. He's got these deep emotions that he bottles up because he he just like he was taught that like men are tough and you fucking soldier through and you white knuckle it and you're there for your dad and you're the you're the make the patriarch and like you're this titan. And he is, he's like this, he's my hero, he's this like titan of industry who's just like this man, and like I've always known him. And you talk to people who used to work for him or work for him now, and like they're like, dude, your dad. Like I used to walk into his office with his feet on his fucking desk, and he would like make me quiver. And like and I was like, I would throw up if I walked in and he had his feet on his desk and he was bossing me around. But uh, and then but then he's the most gen. Then we he then someone calls me, you know, like I'll get we get these calls all the time. Like we are like Boys and Girls Club was like, Hey, we want to give your dad an award for his like insanely large donation and all these programs that he like personally got involved in and blah blah blah, and we're like, when did he do this? Like he does with no he has no interest in recognition. And some people do that because they want you to hear that they don't want recognition, you know, like they'll donate something anonymous to you, but then they'll tell people like he truly does that, where like he does things anonymously and like without anything because he's like has this strict moral thing of like, well, if you need recognition, you're not doing it for the right reasons. I like that a lot. And I'm like, if I was donating to something, I would fucking I'd make a parade for myself, you know, like admittedly, like I would be like, of course I want to do it. No, I just did that. But he it's like I get impressed with those moments, but then there's other times where I think I have the leg up on him. The other day we were talking about you know, someone we know, and it's one of a woman he knows, and I was saying, you know, she needs to do this and get out there because she you know you know just suffered a horrible loss, and she's like she's kind of staying home a lot. Oh, she's got it, and he was uh he was like, You can't teach an old dog new tricks, like people don't change. And then I kind of shot back with this whole thing about how people can change at any age, and you can grow at any age, and like life's not over till it's over, and like you can't just give up at some point, you know, whatever. And he was like, you know what, Wade, like you might be right. And I was like, That's I I got you. Like, I'm like, I was like, damn, I got him. And then I and then I walked away. Then I was like, Love you. Take the take the win, Wade. I almost kept going. I uh yeah, he's um he's so interesting, but like I still, and it's also the other thing is I you know, we talk this all the time with my with my therapist, and I've never actually had a sit-down conversation with him where I talk about my sexuality. Like, you know, it's it's kind of unilateral that we think that he obviously like knows, or he might just think Wade's like this playboy who doesn't get married, you know, it's whatever. But we've even when I was in the closet, we didn't really talk about like girlfriends or stuff, he has no interest in that kind of stuff. And he has no judge, like his best friend is gay. So it's like I'm sorry, people always like, Were you worried that he's hates gay? He's like, no, I know he doesn't. Like because he's too morally pure, like he has this really good moral compass. And um but we've never sat down and talked about it. And my therapist was like, I think if you sit down, first of all, he's in his 70s, so it's like I would love to do that before anything happens. You know, I would I would hate to regret never doing that. That that would you mean but my therapist was like, I think a lot of your issues with dating and and personal life and the kind of like behavior you accept from, you know, man, I've I've dated some just ass, you know, just as everyone does, some assholes.
SPEAKER_02Wait, I'm gonna bring it to you. We're not great, man. Yeah, I know.
SPEAKER_01And she was like, I I think I think a lot of that comes from that you don't have this, like you've never had a conversation with your own father about it. Yeah. And she thinks that if we sit down and talk about it, that or not even don't have to talk about it, just say it. And then be like, all right, I'm gonna head to the gym. You know, that it could just it would unlock something in me that would like sure. And and over Christmas, which was how many months ago, I was like, I'm gonna do it. And I literally just walked into his office one day and he was sitting there, and I just walked, I was like, all right, I'm gonna go to the gym. And I just walked out. I didn't do it because it's like his feet were up. Yeah, he actually might have been. I was just like, I don't, it's crazy how I'm a 30-year-old man and I still just don't, I feel she was like, Do you feel fear or discomfort? And I was like, probably moral awkwardness. Like I was like, I almost wanted to throw up, like in the moment. Like I was about to say it, and I was like, um, and like, and she was like, What do you think his reaction would be? And I was like, I bet it'd be so chill. He'd be like, he'd be like, but he's also so funny because he can be really professional. He'd be like, okay, you know, like he could be an okay, probably. And he'd be like, that's fine, you know, something like that. Where I'm like, I know, I know. And then we'd like, and then it'd be done, but and then he'd probably cry later when I'm no one's looking, you know, and be like thinking about it all because he is secretly so emotional. But again, there's the duality. Like, this guy you're scared to talk to that you know is so loving would throw his arms around me, probably, but like still I get it's nerve-wracking. But that's the it's again, that's boy culture, and boys with their fathers are you know, it's uh it's a really unique thing. Like you can really trace people's behavior now and whatnot back to like the relationship with their dad. So it's a big I mean it's like people say daddy issues. Like, you know, it's it's uh you can really see some like echoes of the relationship, but I think I've started to actually see it where I'm like, I had this, you know, this secret and this barrier, this wall up with my dad, and it's echoing in my you know, dating life and me trying to have relationships with Matt.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Um and it's like there really is, it's people, you know, it can sound a little woo-woo, but I really think it's true.
SPEAKER_02No, it's it's absolutely true. I mean, look, it's uh when you know, I say this a lot as well. The most the most raw feelings, emotions, as the example, they say the music you listen to when you're 14 or thereabouts is the music you will listen to the rest of your life of your life.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Those those right, those rings, those indelible marks are created, and the same goes for the influence of your parents. Yeah. And a lot of what what I talk about on the show, obviously, is just I didn't have that North Star, so look, I'm a I'm a half a smacked ass maniac without the whatever, you know.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_02But you know, there are other challenges when you have that relationship, and he sounds boy, he sounds like a like a real a real master of the universe.
SPEAKER_01He is, he's a presence. Like he's like he comes in and he just pulls a lot of weight. Like he's a big, he's got a lot of gravity. Like people really are drawn to it, and like he just could he just carries weight and he's a smart, he's just he's he's this smart guy, but he's so funny. Like and he kind of like sometimes I'll make jokes and I'm like, shit, that's kind of like I'm kind of I'm I have his I have his like kind of jokes where he kind of takes digs at everyone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Uh and I'm like, I know who I get this from. But he uh Yeah, but he's wise. Like he and again, it's like I sometimes five sometimes I regret not tapping into the wisdom because I'm almost, you know, have this fear. Not it's again, I think it's almost like an awkwardness. This there's some barrier that I created. He didn't necessarily create it, um, where I'm not tapping into it, where it's like I could be getting more wisdom from him if I just tapped into it. And it's like you said, like there are people who wish that they could tap into their dad, you know, who didn't have the opportunity, and I have the opportunity and I'm not doing it. Um, you gotta call when you get out of here.
SPEAKER_02You're gonna call him from the car.
SPEAKER_01I know. Well, he's actually at the French over there. Well, it's over. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's he I I I try I always correspond. I'm in my core, I've been easing. Like in my correspondence now, we send emails, which is hilarious because like text, he's like, I hate this shit. He likes a formal. Um, I've gotten more personal as opposed to like just see the market today. Like, I'll start with that and then I'll I'll be like, uh, you know, I had this dinner the other night and you know it didn't go well because of this or like something. Like, I'll I was throwing some personal things and he'll start to now respond with these little snippets, but not too much, but it's a that's email. But I think it's a season. That's good. I'm gonna see when he's he's gonna be back for the summer for my birthday. This Sunday is my birthday. Oh, my birthday Sunday. Um, I'm seeing them for the first time in like a month. Um, and I think I need to, I just want to like now just shoot the shit with him more. That's my goal. That I think it was like this is my summer goal is to like just take a portion of each day and just like sit with him. Like, and he'll be like a little bit like, what are you doing? Just sitting here. I'm working. I'll go like I'm doing something, and I'll just like shoot the shit. Yeah, just bring up anything, be like, ugh, like what was it like in the 70s? I just want to like ask questions. Uh, I gave him one of those journals that was like uh it was something, it's it's like you give it to your dad and like it has all these prompts and like you they fill it out basically. It's like, what was your you know childhood bedroom? Like blah blah blah. And you get it printed. I gave it to him the other day. I was like, You've been filling that out, and he was like, I don't fucking know what that thing is. And I was like, that didn't work. Like, but I thought I was like, that's a good gesture. Yeah, uh, but now he's more he wants to just like he'll tell he'll give you he's tells us stories still today where my mom's even like I don't even know that story. He told me he told him a story the other day where he was like, I was running through the markets in Morocco looking for something, and I was barefoot and we're like Jesus the fuck is this story? Wow like you know, and like he was telling it to like a waiter. He always he always tells people, like random people, yeah, stories, and we're all like, we're his family, we've never heard this. Like, I'm like, it's it's bizarre. He's just so quirky um and so brilliant, and so and I love him, and he put hard. And I think I try to sometimes c calculate like how much that weighed in on my heart of how hard it was for me to come out, and I think it it plays a role, but I I you can't blame I don't blame I don't blame him at all. People plenty of people have situations where they have you know really like Bible thumping dads in Mississippi who are like I hate gay people, and it's like then that's the guy who should say my dad prevented me from coming out. Like, that's fair. I didn't I didn't have it close to that. I was overcoddled and over spoiled, you know, like there was nothing I could do wrong except write the things I did when I was in high school. But like uh but like with that, no. So I can't I don't blame him uh for any of it, but like I kind of blame myself for not leaning into it a little more. That's my goal now. It's like I was like, it's the clock's ticking. Like, you know, people don't people you can't like bank on it a year from now, two years from now. You gotta like live in the present and do that.
SPEAKER_02Nothing's promised, my man, time especially.
SPEAKER_01I know. So I'm trying that's that's been my goal, and it's a hard goal.
SPEAKER_02But trying to he's in, like little by little. I think those little overtures are good. And again, you wanna you wanna kind of from an empathetic standpoint meet people where they are, as they say. So so if he communicates a certain way, you got you know that you're not gonna go, you're not gonna hit him with a sledgehammer of a love bomb or not. You know what you do? You soften him up, you put on the end of Rudy, the movie. You put that on, he'll soften up a little bit.
SPEAKER_01There's only like four movies he likes, and like it's Caddy Shack and Animal House. How could that be? Yeah, that's that's that that's you I would describe like those are anything past that, he's like stupid. Yeah, those are stupid. He's got good taste. Yeah, he's good, he's good. Um, but yeah, I agree. It's important.
SPEAKER_02It is, and I just want to so as we sort of close up shop a little bit here, I could talk to you all day, but uh is there something that all my old man used to say, is there something that he said or it stuck with me?
SPEAKER_01I I agonized about this because there I talked to my mom about it last night because there's two, and there's one that I think is the best, but it's very niche. But I if I can say both, like I'm gonna elaborate no more on the second one. But the first one he used to say which he would turn around in the car and scream it in a in a justified way. It's when one of us was being nasty. Okay, and he would say, like, if you don't have if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. But like that would come out as if you don't have anything nice to say, shut up. Yeah, you know, and like that one, that one I love. Like, that's true. And like, but and like there's a whole thing that you could go into on that, but like that was always the thing, and then like you look because I it's like one of us is being nasty. But the other one was he's a loves Popeye, and he was he always would say, like, if you would say anything like um attacking his character or like personality or anything, he would always say, I am what I am, and that was that was Popeye's quote. And I think my mom was talking to me about that last night, and I was like, damn, I he did always say that, and it literally, and it is like it's really like just being unapologetically yourself. Like he was basically telling us, like, I am who I am. Like, yeah, you might not like that sometimes I do this, or sometimes you know, I'm whatever, I'm cranky, what it's like, or I say this, or I, you know, whatever. Um, he's just unapologetically himself, and I envy that the same way I told you, like, I envy people who were gay and unapologetically, you know. I I envy that sort of uh confidence to just be yourself and truly not just like I say I have confidence to be myself, but I have times where I lie about that right monster, and I'm still like insecure, you know. I mean, uh I'm like anyone, and um that is who he is, like he really is unapologetic. He doesn't give a fuck at all. It's a super it's a superpower. It's a superpower. I'd love to get to that point. It's I I aspire to you'll get there.
SPEAKER_02I think from what sounds like you're a lot more like him than you than you're giving yourself credit for, is what it sounds like.
SPEAKER_01I hope so. I would like to be as much like him as possible.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, that's a great place to shoot for him, my man. I know, yeah. I'd be like, but also I would say with the nuance of who you are, who Wade is, and I think that's important too. You know, um and it look we're all a we're all a fucking tapestry of whatever the hell.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, we're all a project.
SPEAKER_02We're all a project. Yeah, but but dude, thank you so much for coming on the show, man. This is great. I could like I said, I could talk to you for two more hours, but I'd like to keep it to a certain uh amount because honestly, I get sick of myself. I'm sure they get sick of me too. But this is great, Wade. Thank you so much. Thank you so much, Chris. I appreciate it, Joe. All right, everyone. I hope you enjoyed that as much as I did. Wade was very open, kind, honest. Talked about his old man. We talked about a little bit of his path, his struggles, and then honestly, how he's coming up in the world right now because from from an emotional standpoint, from an identity standpoint, when you when you could just be yourself and you say, fuck all, who cares? It's a superpower like we talked about. It really does feel good to just uh say who the hell you are and be that thing and move and move about the world. There's no replacement for it. And uh if you're one of those people who tries to cut people down for being who they are, take a hike. Don't listen. I'm not I'm not a big fan of yours, but I don't think we have any other people listening to the show because anybody listening has absolutely great taste and is is has loyalty and and is is here for the ride. YouTube, subscribe, Instagram, follow, reach out, say hello, tell your aunt, tell your uncle, tell your guys'