A Coach's Influence (with Steve Teel)

Welcome back to The Fatherless Cheat Sheet! In today’s episode Andrew welcomes back coach Steve Teel live and in the studio! They talk about the differences of giving advice as a coach versus as a parent, dealing with individual identities in athletes, and using practice as a method to prove yourself. Follow Steve! Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/steventeel Website: https://www.teelbaseball.com/staff-wyckoff About Steve: Coach Steve Teel is the longtime lead instructor at Teels Baseball & Softball Training Center in Wyckoff, New Jersey. A Bergen County baseball fixture for than two decades, Steve has dedicated his career to developing young athletes through instruction, mentorship, and a deep knowledge of the game. The Fatherless Cheat Sheet, hosted by Andrew Parise, is about everything you wish a father (or father figure) could have shown you. Growing up without a dad taught Andrew that chasing "what could have been" is never the answer. When you need a hand on your shoulder, a kick in the pants, or some profound life advice, you can find it here. Have questions? Need advice? Email us at fatherlesscheatsheetpodcast@gmail.com. Follow the Podcast: https://www.instagram.com/thefatherlesscheatsheet Produced by Nicole Lyons Productions Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/nicolelyonsproductions/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Website: www.nicolelyonsproductions.com Art by Briana Raucci Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/brianaraucci/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

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SPEAKER_01 0:28

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SPEAKER_05 0:52

And this uh this gal saughters over to us and said, uh, are you guys uh volleyball players? I was like, that's the so that's the sport that you chose. Right because we're tall, so you know. Okay, welcome to the fatherless Chi Chi. I'm your fatherless friend Andrew, your quasi-big brother. And I can't tell you how goddamn excited I am right now. If I didn't put these walls up recently, I'd run right through one of these motherfuckers now because I have a guest in studio with me, and I'm really, really excited to have him back. His name is Coach Steve Thiel. He had a he was on, it was a great episode. We had a great time. My my coloring was off because I've screwed up the camera and the lights. We've come a long way, and he is in studio with me. I could not be happier to have him as my first guest here. And so I want you to stay tuned. It's the fatherless cheat sheet. Check it out. All right, welcome back to the fatherless cheat cheat. I have with me Coach Steve Teal. Steve. What's up, Andrew? What's up, man?

SPEAKER_02 2:12

It's a pleasure to be here. Thanks for coming.

SPEAKER_05 2:15

We just we we broke a bottle of champagne on the side of the shed when he walked in.

SPEAKER_02 2:19

He sent me a car, a nice limousine, the makeup artist, beautiful. That's why I look so good right now.

SPEAKER_05 2:25

You look great. You look great. I have to tell you, man, when I thought about doing this build out in the studio, and I thought about who the first guest would be, it had to be you. It had to be.

SPEAKER_02 2:40

I totally appreciate that, man. I had such a fun time on the first one. Yeah, and the feedback that I got was unbelievable. Oh, that's great. Incredible from all my clients to my players to past players that I had.

SPEAKER_05 2:52

All right. Well, tell me more and talk slower.

SPEAKER_02 2:57

But No, you know, the kids call this. I'm glazing you right now. Glazing, I like that. I like it.

SPEAKER_05 3:01

I'm not being glazed, I'm like a spiral ham right now. But it's funny, it's funny that you say that because I think part of the reason, and you'll have to forgive some of the adjustments that we're making here and there, guys, because this is the first time it's a it's a three-camera shoot, and I'm a half a stud, as everybody knows, so I'm doing my damnedest. But the feedback I got from you, sort of secondarily speaking, from your players, you're like it was just love bombing. I couldn't believe it. Like I could, because I know you and I get it, but it was an outpouring of of just love for Coach Steve, which brings us to the topic that I had to have you back on, which is a coach's influence. A coach almost as a surrogate, if you will. And I know I'm positive that you've played that role with kids in the past. So I want to talk a little bit about that, and I thought you'd be perfect to do that today.

SPEAKER_02 4:01

When I think about that, I really think it depends on each particular player, right? It's called the fatherless podcast. You didn't have a dad. So I think as a coach, I've had kids that I mean I started in February of 2020. So 9-11, 9-11 happens, you know, right after I start. I'm 18 months, whatever, into the business. So I started dealing with kids that lost their fathers in um in 9-11 in the towers. And you start to realize like those kids are number one, the moms are are like true warriors. Yeah, yeah, what they had to go through at that time, but they looked to us, not it wasn't asking us, but they looked to you to be sort of a father figure mentor to the kid to the kid that had a dad his whole life, you know, and maybe did have a catch with them and played baseball. Now they're looking to uh to us, you know, Garrett and I and back then all the old coaches Dan Gray, as we're the new guys that are gonna teach you baseball and you know, teach you how to hit and have a catch. I think that's where I learned okay, I have guys with great dads, yeah, two family homes, and you know, I'm just their friend, their coach, you know, they lean on me. Yeah, you know, some kids don't want to bring stuff to their dad, whether it be with girls or personal stuff, and they may come to me, and some have a great relationship with their dad where they can tell their dad anything.

SPEAKER_06 5:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 5:32

So I think it's more what your situation is as as a kid is how how uh other kids and um moms, dads lean on me.

SPEAKER_05 5:45

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's yeah, of course, circumstantial for sure. And to to that point, why why do you think and again, I'm sure that's based on psychology. We're not gonna go there today, but we can. We can, we'll try to.

SPEAKER_03 6:01

Right.

SPEAKER_05 6:01

We're very qualified for that. Why do you think that kids will will listen to a coach and not listen to a parent after they say the exact same thing? And it goes for different things in life, teachers and things like that.

SPEAKER_02 6:13

Yeah, well, I'm a dad too, so I know most of the stuff I stay say at home is annoying to my kids. Right. Don't do that. We're not doing that. We're not stop fighting, stop, you know. I'm talking at a young age, not now. So that voice kind of gets like, yeah, I always go back to the Charlie Brown teacher, like that wah, wah, wah, wah. That becomes your dad. Right. You know, so you just kind of tune him out, and it's like, oh, my dad's always wrong because he's always reprimanding me. Get off your video games, do that. So now when he actually brings a good cue to the table if you're hitting, you kind of go the same way and say, Oh, my dad doesn't know anything.

SPEAKER_05 6:49

It's a similar thing, you know.

SPEAKER_02 6:50

And for me, I'm a professional. I was lucky with my with my older guy. He grew up with me in the cage with Kyle and Aiden, all his cousins, and all my players.

SPEAKER_05 7:01

So it's a good hitting group, by the way.

SPEAKER_02 7:03

He it's a great hitting group, and he grew up with all like phenomenal kids. And he always listened to me because he saw me in the cage every day. But no other kid gets to see that.

SPEAKER_05 7:13

Yeah, yeah, it's a little yeah, right. The the office is is uh turf.

SPEAKER_02 7:19

I remember as a young guy, one of the first times that I ever like bit back at a parent, he was telling me how to train his kid. Right. And I said, sir, do I come to your law firm and tell you how to you know do a case? Or I said, This is what I do for a living, you do that for a living. Right, right. You have the rest of the week with your kid. Just leave leave me alone for 45, we'll be good. Yeah, yeah. And then tell them what you want when you leave here. But you know, this is my expertise, that's your expertise. Just let me do my thing here.

SPEAKER_05 7:49

Yeah, that's that's the part of the problem. And since I'm not in a business anymore, I could fucking say this. Part of the part of the problem is there's a there's like a real okay. How do I say this? I'm tempering myself a little bit. Don't yeah, you rich motherfuckers. It's a look, people who could afford lessons like that are often high achievers, used to being told yes at any cost. Yeah, they're there for a reason, and I get that. I'm not even mad at them for that, but there's also there's this, there's a skill set how you deal with those people as well. That's that's your skill set part of it is dealing with those people, right?

SPEAKER_02 8:32

And I had a very smart man tell me once, like, when you're the boss, you're the boss, they're always the boss in everything they do in their job, they've worked their way up to be you know successful in their field, and they control 300 employees under them, so they're the boss, yeah. So I had to learn, and it's tough because I started at 20. So when you walk into the building, I'm dealing with the 50-year-old multi-millionaire. It's hard for me to say I'm the boss, especially because you're not you're getting your feet wet, right? At 20.

SPEAKER_05 9:03

Sure.

SPEAKER_02 9:03

I am not an expert at that point, but by the time I got to 25 and started to run my own facility, I had, you know, I was in Alpine, Alpine closer. You're dealing with, you know, big time. 201 area code up there is different than 201 where we live. Like we're good, but they're better. Yeah, I'm in it, we're in a shed right now.

SPEAKER_05 9:23

I know it looks great, but we're still in a shed.

SPEAKER_02 9:25

So I had to learn to assert myself and uh make them understand. Listen, I'm the boss. This is Teal's baseball. My Uncle Garrett started it, but I'm Steve Teal. So this is my facility. Sure. You know, I had a separate facility at that point. So I had to make them understand like, listen, this is my expertise. I'm the boss. I have 15, 20 employees, I have 27,000 square feet. I know what I'm doing. You know, you need to leave your kid alone, and you can come watch because I want you to learn and reiterate what I say, but don't interject and say something different than what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_05 10:01

Yeah. Because it honestly it's counterintuitive because you're you're paying someone to do this thing and provide this service in this education.

SPEAKER_02 10:12

Right.

SPEAKER_05 10:12

And then you're gonna fuck it up by saying something else or saying it differently.

SPEAKER_02 10:16

Well, your dad told you in 1967. It's not the same. Squish that bug, baby. Stay sling back.

SPEAKER_04 10:27

Oh, God.

SPEAKER_02 10:27

So yeah, it was um, that was a really as a young businessman, that was it, but it was very instrumental in my life to be able to find that voice as a 25-year-old kid dealing with, you know, I say kid, I had a kid at 25, so I was becoming a man at that point.

SPEAKER_06 10:44

Right.

SPEAKER_02 10:44

But really understanding how to deal with high net worth, very powerful people in their industry. When they walk in my building, I'm the powerful guy. I may not be high net worth. You're still you're still wearing sweatpants, but you're still powerful. I think I still have that cage dagger from home.

SPEAKER_05 11:02

Oh my god. And just a quick aside, I was out with our our good friend Coach Lee many years ago, and we went out in these outfits. They're, you know, how do I this is sweat clothes, basically. The nice, you know, the teal's moniker on there. And we were sitting at a hoolands on a Wednesday night. Because what winners aren't at a hoolands at 10:30 on a Wednesday night. Eating some spinach in blue sweatpants and giant smurfs. And this uh this gal saunters over to us and said, uh, are you guys uh volleyball players? I was like, that's the so that's the sport that you chose because we're tall, so you know, yeah, we're with the Lithuanian national team. I never forget that.

SPEAKER_02 11:49

Dude, if it was me and Chris Teel, my cousin, when he worked for us, we would have just gone with that. We are uh Irish dads. Yeah, we're gonna go do some drills in the parking lot. You want to come with us? We're gonna start bumping and setting the ball.

SPEAKER_05 12:01

So when getting back to how we open, when you see a kid who might have a need, right, for a little bit more than a technical instruction, do you feel that? And how do you respond to it without sort of stepping over or really taking on more than you can handle?

SPEAKER_02 12:20

Well, I'm dealing with it right now. I'm coaching a tenure team, and there's big dynamics. I'm not gonna go into like specifics, but there are uh a few kids on the team that don't have fathers at home, whether they be divorced, whether they just be not, you know, not around. I don't ask questions, I just coach them. But I feel like there has to be a certain um there has to be a certain way to discipline them and and show them love at the same time. Yeah you know, there has to be both. Because, you know, and not to I know my kids, my wife is not the disciplinarian of my house. I am, and that's like the dad's role at my house, right? And that doesn't mean it has to be for everyone, yeah. But I think you know having a father figure is important, you know, especially like you know, this is the perfect talk for this podcast. Yeah. And so you have to find a way to make them understand that this is not this is not just running around picking dandelion. Like we're gonna have a practice, we're gonna have fun, but you're gonna follow the rules, yeah. It's not a free-for-all because everybody else needs to get better too. Yeah, you know, when you need to put all this focus on one kid at practice who's acting up because he's not focused and disciplined, and they're 10. So I understand they're kids. Like I get it. I get it. But there comes a point where if you if you have low expectations for kids, they'll meet those expectations. When you can raise your expectations for them, they might meet them, but they're gonna they're gonna outperform maybe what they would have done without those expectations. And I've always said that. I always try to set it a little higher than they can achieve. Because if they can achieve it and go past it, that's great. You know, I never try to be a low expectation coach.

SPEAKER_05 14:12

Yeah, that's well, really well said. That's really well said, and I think I also think, and I'll put this out there, sorry, there's so many mediocre people who are coaches, and passing that off as or screaming. I I so when I coached, I would get into arguments in parking lots with parents after games, and their biggest, their biggest ridicule of me was that I was hungover. No, I'm kidding.

SPEAKER_03 14:43

Was that I thought you were serious? Which is always true.

SPEAKER_05 14:46

No, their biggest their biggest complaint.

SPEAKER_02 14:52

Give me a second, because that was freaking hilarious. Go ahead, go ahead.

SPEAKER_05 15:02

And I just thought that was the like they thought that meant I didn't care. Yeah. And so me sitting down with a kid and going, look, this, you have to do this, definitely, you're gonna make I can't scream not making six errors into you.

SPEAKER_02 15:17

Right.

SPEAKER_05 15:17

I can't fill the hole in your glove with screaming, right?

SPEAKER_02 15:21

And we do that at practice, like we're struggling a bit this year with this. I haven't coached tenu in a long time. I'm just I'm helping out, and it's fun. The kids are unbelievable kids.

SPEAKER_06 15:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 15:32

And they're like very at the beginner stage. Yeah, yeah. So every game we we've had two games and it's been fine, but uh everything that we you know need work on, we work on at the practice, we're two practices a week, and we that's where I'm like, I mean, on the field, yeah, like ready position, and hey, we're going two here or whatever. Hey, you know, you're the cut on a ball, whatever. So I'm loud there, but at practice is where like the energy is really loud because that's where they're gonna get better. You're not I heard a coach, I can't even tell you who it was. On Instagram, I follow, you know, my algorithm is all baseball, and the guy said, Yeah, sure.

SPEAKER_05 16:12

It's all baseball.

SPEAKER_02 16:12

You're not you're not getting you're not getting better in the game. The game's not where you get better. Of course not. The practice is where you get better. The game is where you is the game's like the test, right? Yeah, practice is is studying for the test. Yeah, so I always feel like studying for the test is way more important at this age than the test.

SPEAKER_06 16:33

Sure.

SPEAKER_02 16:33

You know, the test doesn't matter till you're 15 now, right? It really doesn't, even 14, eighth grade, it doesn't matter. You can't get recruited until after your sophomore year, so it doesn't matter. You have to keep developing. And yeah, do the better kids want to play against the better kids? For sure, because they need to face the higher velocity pitching, the better spin on the breakers, and you know, and I get that, but you should always kind of try to develop at the rate that you're ready to develop.

SPEAKER_05 17:02

Sure, yeah, and I think there's so much again, living vicariously. We talked a little bit about this in the first time you were on the show, but uh do you sometimes sense is it a better way in with players to boil them down to their identity as a human rather than their identity as an athlete? Do you find that that's a better way into that relationship?

SPEAKER_02 17:24

And that's a great, great question. It comes down to the kid.

SPEAKER_05 17:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 17:29

So, you know, I've had players that I've trained one of my best friends on earth, Mike Lang, he trains up in North Dakota. Um he played in he played at Ruckers, was drafted, played for um Diamondbacks, you know, in minor leagues, but he played indie ball for 10 years.

SPEAKER_06 17:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 17:52

Like 10 he yields every record for the Sioux City Explorers. Like when I say every record, it's like strikeouts, uh double plays, hits, doubles, triples. Like he's he's played so long that he holds every negative record and every positive record.

SPEAKER_05 18:05

So most STDs on road trip.

SPEAKER_02 18:08

No, he's he's a kid. He loves Jesus. He got four kids now. I just had a boy.

SPEAKER_05 18:15

I talk to him all the time. Tell him to forgive me for that joke. Yeah, I will. Um Jesus would forgive me for that joke.

SPEAKER_02 18:20

Yes, that's what he does.

unknown 18:22

That's the guy.

SPEAKER_02 18:24

So, you know, in Indie Ball now, after COVID, they cut a lot of minor league jobs.

SPEAKER_06 18:29

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 18:30

Okay. So kids talk about indie ball like it's easy to go to. Like, oh, after college, I'm just gonna go play indie ball. And I'll I'll tell 99% of the kids, hey, go get a job. Indie ball, you're not go, you're wasting two years of earning power that you just got a degree that you spent, you know, whatever, $200,000 in four years on your degree. Yeah, go work. You know, I have one player right now that I think, you know, he has a chance to get drafted late, but I do think because he sat a little early in his career. Okay. And I tell him, I said, You're you're the one guy in the last 20 years that I've said, hey, I think you need to give Indy Ball a shot if you don't get picked. The other kids, we talk about life, man. Like we talk, what do what do you want to do? What do you want to do after college? You know, a lot of kids wanna want to help coach us, but it they find they go into accounting or they're a lawyer. It all sounds good that they want to stay in a game until you're working 80 hours a week as a 23-year-old guy.

SPEAKER_06 19:31

Right.

SPEAKER_02 19:31

You know, one of my best friends in town, his boys both play at played at Ramapo, and one was went to Boston College Business School, one went to Ithaca. And there, I I go to his house, and they're, you know, they're well, one lives in Hobook, but the other one, you know, he's coming home at 7 30 at night after getting up at 5 30 to go to the gym. Like he's going to bed. Right. You know, and I'll I'll uh you know, you see the work they put in. There's no time to stay in the game. Yeah. Um, so yeah, I think uh I think I'm very realistic in the way that I treat everybody.

SPEAKER_05 20:05

Yeah. You know, yeah, no, and again, going back to what I said before, I mean, it it was there was it was like an absurd outpouring of love for you. And I mean that in the best way possible. It was really sort of wonderful to see because you you sort of uh connected with so many players and kids, and and what it is is I talk about this on the show sometimes, is like when you're young though those are the most raw feelings, indelible, indelible marks left on your psyche. So when a coach, when there are echoes of a coach years later, it's it's very meaningful. For sure.

SPEAKER_02 20:45

And I take total pride in that. You know, we touched on that a lot in the first the first time we talked. But it is important, and and and it is important that the players understand that when you do say, hey, listen, you're not gonna go to Vanderbilt. Like you may be able to play mid-major or you're a division three player. It's not out of hate, right? It's not out of that, oh, Steve doesn't like me. It's out of love, it's out of me being honest with you and telling you where, you know, where should you go.

SPEAKER_06 21:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 21:18

And if I I wish everybody could play at UVA or Mississippi State or Van D, but that's just not the game. Yeah, it's never been the game, but even more now at the NIL, it's not it's not how it works. You gotta kind of go low to go higher. It's not going. I see 80% of the kids go high and they transfer down. 20% of the kids go down and transfer up. I'd rather be the guy that goes and plays as a freshman and can put up some numbers and transfer up than the guy that sits for two years and now, like, all right, now I gotta go to such and such school in this, you know.

SPEAKER_05 21:54

Yeah. And that's such an interesting point because it ostensibly you're with players. Probably having the conversations that their own dad or mom doesn't know how to have or doesn't want to have and doesn't want to disappoint them by saying, Hey, look, kid, why don't you go just use that finance degree and we get you in a bear stearns or something like that, you know, grind that way instead of sitting on the bus.

SPEAKER_02 22:18

Like, I don't want to sound like a dream snatcher here. Yeah. But at 22, there's no dream snatching. At 22, it's either you are you are what you are.

SPEAKER_06 22:26

You are or you aren't.

SPEAKER_02 22:27

You know, I mean, the great story this year. I have a great crop of guys this year, my seniors this year. I'm gonna miss them so much. But I had I have a kid going to Fordham and a kid going to Army, amongst others. But this is just a good story about these two guys. Go for it. So when the kid, this kid, Matt Tefuri, unbelievable kid, plays at Del Barton, number one team in the state. Yeah. He said, Coach, Army offered me. What do you think about me going to Army? I said, Matt, you're the perfect fit. I said, You're a tough kid. I said, if I could pick one of my guys that I've had for 27 years that I want on the front lines fighting for my country, it's you. And I meant it. It's true. So I have another kid, Brendan Gaskin, who's also phenomenal, phenomenal kid, phenomenal player. Sure. He said, Coach, Army offered me. What do you think? I said, B, it's a bad fit for you.

SPEAKER_05 23:17

You ain't the guy.

SPEAKER_02 23:18

You're not Army. I said, you're a tough kid. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're not Army. So he committed to Fordham and he really took my advice. Like, and I just know I've had kids not play, but I've had a few kids go to Naval Academy, uh a few kids go to West Point. They're just, you know them when you see them. Sure. And when I, you know, Brendan is a great student, great player, tough kid. He's awesome, one of my favorite guys. But it's still army. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_05 23:47

He's gonna have a great time in Upper Manhattan. He's gonna be just fine other than that.

SPEAKER_02 23:51

That's great, you know, but you have to know your player's personality. You just do, you know.

SPEAKER_05 23:56

And you you know how much heartache you probably saved him.

SPEAKER_02 23:59

Yeah, right. A lot. A lot, for sure.

SPEAKER_05 24:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 24:02

And I'd rather nip it in the butt. I used to say that at St. Joe's when I coached there. I'd rather cut a kid, a borderline kid, I'd rather cut them day one and deal with the parents one day than have them on the team as a 25th player for 30 games and deal with their parents every day.

SPEAKER_05 24:23

Because that one kid is always the problem. Those parents are always the problem. And it never fails.

SPEAKER_02 24:31

It's happening right now around Bergen County with some stuff. Like, I'm not gonna go into it, it's just nobody's business. But you know, it's happening right now. Like, parents can really spoil a team. I've seen it a million times, and I have to say, it's really never happened to me because my talk to parents when we start the season is very firm. I'm not an asshole, it's just firm.

SPEAKER_05 24:52

My expectations I mean, well, you're an asshole, but yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_02 24:56

It's amazing. Not at all, not literally not at all. But I try to always say joke, as a 13, 14-year-old, when I Lee had a great post the other day. I'm not sure if you saw it. And he said, Oh, I saw practice, practice is where you prove yourself.

SPEAKER_06 25:13

Right.

SPEAKER_02 25:13

So you get a chance, even after you make the team after tryouts, you get a chance to try out in front of the coach every day. Yeah, and that's how I always treated practice. And I called Lee after that post. Yeah. And I said, Lee, that was unbelievable. I said, I'd love, I'd love that post. It was so good for parents to hear because practice is where you prove yourself on a daily basis.

SPEAKER_05 25:36

Yeah. And there's honestly a laissez-faire approach to even showing up to practices a lot of the time.

SPEAKER_02 25:40

Right, exactly.

SPEAKER_05 25:41

Right? People don't take it seriously.

SPEAKER_02 25:43

No, but yeah, but that's where you're getting your playing time. 100%. You know, parents will come up to me at Joe's. Why is such and such not playing first?

SPEAKER_06 25:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 25:50

Well, we did in-field communication drills and it dropped eight out of eleven pop-ups. I had to in the other day, so I can't put them on the field. This is high school. This is not you know, you know, this is not tenure where everyone's gonna play and it's gonna be equal. You know, you get to that level, it's not equal. It's who earns it, right? It's real deal stuff.

SPEAKER_05 26:07

Yeah. Okay. What give me a no there really there shouldn't be a fissure or sort of uh competition between a coach and between parents, unless one or both are assholes, which is very possible, right? So what are a couple of things that parents specifically could look out for or like almost put into practice to to sort of not compete with the coach and let the coach do their thing.

SPEAKER_02 26:37

Okay, so here's how this works. Because I'm gonna disagree with you a little bit on that. I'm not playing the yes and game right now with you. Um I think the top four guys on the team are pretty much set and still, right? You know your top four, maybe five. Yeah, but those bottom say six to twelve, right? Six, seven are probably better than nine, ten, eleven, twelve. But nine, ten, eleven, twelve are really pretty equal.

SPEAKER_06 27:06

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 27:07

So the parents that usually have the problem are 10, 11, 12, right? If they're not in the lineup that day, and they're very close to those other guys, uh-huh. So they have those gripes, but as a coach, that's what makes it hard, right? As a coach, that's my decision I have to make. Yeah, and I could be right and I could be wrong, but I'm gonna do it by watching you practice your performance, and that's what coaching is. Like they're you're always gonna have that. Now, at St. Joe's, I had the 25th parent yelling that you're playing favorites. It's like, yeah, my favorite guys are the first. He's the guy who hits the ball 700 feet. He's the best. And it's like, yeah, yeah, I'm playing my favorite guys, but the 11th parent always had a great, you know, because the nine-hitter's not hitting 400, 450 like the three-hitter is.

unknown 27:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 28:00

Oh, he's hitting 290. Yeah, but he's a good base runner, you know what I mean? He he'll wear a pitch on purpose, and like, so you have these little reasons, the intricacies of the game. Yeah, some guys are just better players, if that makes sense. So, like when I say players, not like hitting a they know how to play the game a little better than the other guy, and that's the separation when it goes to seven, eight, nine, or eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve.

SPEAKER_06 28:28

Right.

SPEAKER_02 28:28

So you're always looking to kind of, and I this is a saying I use every single day. You when especially guys that I train that get up into the minor leagues and now have a few guys in the big leagues. When you're playing against everyone is unbelievable, you have to win in the margins. Right. You're not winning with the big things unless you're Aaron Judge and Mike Trout.

SPEAKER_06 28:50

Sure.

SPEAKER_02 28:50

The guys I train aren't that right now. I hope to have guys like that in in the future, but you have to win in the margins. And I always tell those kids, you know, those nine, ten, eleven that are fighting for that last spot in the lineup every day, you gotta win the margins here. You gotta play the game better, you gotta get good routes to the ball, you gotta hit your cutoff man every time. You know what I mean? You gotta know where to be on the field, you have to know where to back up. That's how you get on the field at that level, if you're not the most talented guy.

SPEAKER_05 29:20

And honestly, what's a better metaphor metaphor for life than than baseball? Because what you just said is is like perfect for the show and the life lesson. If you're if you're not making money or or you're doing this or you're doing that, you have to do the you have to do the small things really well.

SPEAKER_02 29:39

Right.

SPEAKER_05 29:40

Really well and focus on that small stuff to get yourself to that next to the next position.

SPEAKER_02 29:46

Yeah, and even you know, I taught we have some young instructors at Tools right now, and um they ask me, like, you know, how did you get started? How did why do you have so many real good players now? Yeah and I say to them, I say, Well, I started at at 20. Like you know, I took lessons from Garrett, so I knew what, you know, I knew the system of how to teach, but I was working with the low-level B players on travel teams. Okay, but then the next year they would be the three-hitter on the B team. Yeah, then the next year they'd be the nine-hitter on the A team. So after you start to do that, parents are like, Well, how did Johnny get so much better?

SPEAKER_06 30:26

Right.

SPEAKER_02 30:26

Oh, Steve. Now that happens with the whole team and the whole town and like Ridgewood and Wyckoff and um Allendale and Northern Highlands. So that's how I built my reputation was not like great kids walking into my cage, but marginal kids working with me and them putting in the work, and they move up the ladder in their town team, and now you start to get everybody because you got to keep up with the guys that are working hard. Sure. So, and some of them get it, some of the young guys get it, and some don't. You know what I mean? But I kind of always got it for, you know, probably because I grew up with Garrett and he was in professional baseball and a coach and a great teacher, but I just got it like that. I'm not nothing is gonna be given to me where I'm gonna train a first-round pick or a draft pick or a major league player or a professional player without training a seven-year-old that is marginal first.

SPEAKER_05 31:24

Yeah, and probably contagious with pink eye. Bronchial.

SPEAKER_02 31:28

So my early my early days at Teal's I did have pink. That's a fact. Like, that's not even a joke. Like I had pink eye every other week. I mean, I do have the I wear contacts, I was wearing my glasses to work.

SPEAKER_05 31:39

I would, I think, I would have the flu weekly, a different flu. Like, I would just come up sick. What the fuck do I have now?

SPEAKER_02 31:48

Yeah, but then after like two years, you become right. You just become immune. I get sick once every five years with the flu I go down for a while. Totally. Yeah, it's like working in the sewers. You're good. Yeah, good.

SPEAKER_05 31:59

You'll find a petri dish. But but so what I want to do is we was I I hate to do it. I hate to start to wind down. I hate to do it. We're gonna bullshit after this anyway. Yeah, but I I the the we talk about my old man used to say, which you had a great one about Hank. Do you have anything an old coach said to you that sort of echoed through and stuck with you for for years and years?

SPEAKER_02 32:22

Or or okay, well, like my high school coach was, and this is big, because he coached me in football and baseball, like the little things make the big things work. Like that was his. But Garrett says a lot of the time, like, nobody does the right thing. You know what I mean? Like people outside, like you always try to do, you know, you're playing it. I'm sorry, you're playing a 10U game, and you're down 12-0, and the other team's still stealing. And the third base coach is in jeans. Right, it's like nobody's nobody does the right thing. Yeah, yeah. You know, and that's and I try to not be negative because I didn't negative thing, but God, I've had so many. It's okay. Um, I'm really trying to think about, you know, my high school coach called me the C-word a few times. That's good. Gary, Gary is very nice, yeah. But um, no, so yeah, Garrett's had a lot of influence on me. Yeah, sure, of course. Um, God, Mark Stripp, Matter Lee, you know, Pat Mulkeen. You know, Pat's been a lot very instrumental, but you know, if you're a if you're a coach, just do the right thing. Have some feel. You know, that's what I that's the way I describe it. It's like you need to have some feel as a coach, as a coach playing another coach. Yeah. Um just have feel of the situation. Like this is not, you know, when you're playing in the NJ CBL, whatever the hell they call it, this is not, you know, even the Little League World Series, right? That's pressure packed. It's on TV. Like, so you could get caught up in that.

SPEAKER_06 33:57

Right.

SPEAKER_02 33:57

Well, there's no reason to get caught up in, you know, a tenu town game. And yeah, I played Ramsey last week. Their dads, their parents were phenomenal. Like, I left that game and I like they were hugging me. I was like, let's go have a beer at uh Brady's, let's go. Right, Brady's at the station. They were just great guys. And like the week before we played a different team, I won't say who it is, but the parent, the coach was a nice the parents were just jerks. Like they were just, you know.

SPEAKER_05 34:24

If I had a guess that the town starts with an R also.

SPEAKER_02 34:28

No, no, it's in Rockin County.

SPEAKER_05 34:31

Well, but but but what you're saying, what you're saying is also that that feel, that nuance, that to me was always the key to coaching and those relationships when the technical was what it was. Right. But when you can sort of form that bond with a kid that maybe did just need a little more, a little more time. Sure. Just a little more conversation. You know, even if they had your great parents or whatever, sometimes their parents don't don't get them or whatever. Right. And so I think you kind of you kind of just hit that on the button. Yeah. That was great.

SPEAKER_02 35:04

So just you need some feel and have some feel. Do the right thing. You know, just do the right thing about the kids. It's not about you, it's not about me, it's about the kids. Yeah, you know.

SPEAKER_05 35:13

Yeah, that's great. And a a phenomenal way to wrap it up. Dude, you you're gonna come back and the first guy here. The first guy.

SPEAKER_02 35:21

We might do this every week, man.

SPEAKER_05 35:23

Well, we might have to do it, but I'm so happy that you that you came. I love coming. I want to tell you, I want to tell you, you've been an advocate for this show and for me on social media and pushing people, and I I genuinely appreciate it. And you don't know how much that means to me because I'll tell you why. It doesn't happen often. It doesn't happen because uh friends, strangers, whatever, everyone can't wait to take you down. Yeah. And you you're trying to build me up, try to build this up. So I appreciate you. Cheers. Thanks for being the first in studio guest. Love you, man. You're the guy. Thank you. All right, brother. Guys, that's been the fatherless cheat sheet. I hope you enjoyed it. I sure as hell did. Keep hanging out, keep tuning in. Check me out on YouTube, on Instagram, say hello. I'm doing some New Jersey dad stuff, some sort of short form fun stuff, and and all of it. Tell your cousins, tell your aunts, tell your whomever's. Like, subscribe. It really does help the fatherless Chi Chi. All right.