The NJ DAD Podcast
The NJ Dad Podcast is where fatherhood meets humor. Join Andrew Parise for honest conversations about parenting, marriage, work, friendships, and the everyday chaos of suburban family life. Some episodes are solo, some feature guests, but they’re all built around one idea: being a better dad doesn’t mean taking yourself too seriously. Whether you’re changing diapers, coaching Little League, navigating date night, or just trying to survive another trip to Costco, you’ll find relatable stories, practical perspective, and plenty of laughs along the way. New episodes every Thursday.
The NJ DAD Podcast
Dad Stories & Stand Up Comedy with (Jackie Kashian)
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SPEAKER_07When I first started doing stand-up, I was like, I assume it's like what it would be like falling into a vat of heroin. I was like, I don't want to leave. This is the best thing I've ever done. I can just say whatever I want.
SPEAKER_09Hey, welcome to the fatherless cheat cheat. I am your fatherless friend Andrew. Thanks for joining me today. Today is a really funny one. I laughed my ass off. I think I embarrassed myself. My face hurts. Jackie Cation's here. She's a comic. You've seen her on Netflix, Conan, and she was nice enough to come spend some time with me. And she's just goddamn funny. She's one of those people, maybe not on a professional level, doing it professionally as at a high level as she's done. But we all know that person who we say, oh man, that God, that person's funny. And funny is not easy. Funny is a combination of things. Funny is you have to take the world around you, put it through a strainer, and be able to sort of use an economy of words that makes sense and is accessible. And the person receiving that information just says, damn, that's good. I don't even sometimes I don't even need to belly laugh. I sometimes once in a while, especially as a writer, I'll just go, oh yeah, that's good. I wish I wrote that. That's the highest compliment I could give is as damn, I wish I wrote that. I wish I said that. Uh a good example of that is when we were doing Stickman, the pilot, I've talked about before, my writing partner, Matt, very funny, very talented writer, been in the business a very long time. And he wrote the best, funniest goddamn thing I heard in the whole entire show. And the line was after a big fella uh passed out of a heart attack and died on the turf in the show, one of the lines is, should we sweep his throat? And the answer to that was if you could manage to tunnel your way through the years of calcified manicotte. That's the funniest thing I've ever heard in my life. Matt wrote that line. I love that line. And so when you have the ability to make people laugh, boy, it's uh it's a half a superpower. And so Jackie was so warm and kind to come on. And I hope that uh you enjoy the episode and you laugh a little bit and have a smile with me because I was smiling the whole time. So it's the fatherless cheat sheet. Check it out. Okay, guys, welcome back to the fatherless cheat sheet. I have someone who's really, really goddamn funny. I'm very excited about this. Jackie Cation's here with me, stand-up comic. Hey, Jackie, thanks for coming.
SPEAKER_07Thanks for having me.
SPEAKER_09This is great. And I have to tell you, I I I I don't I don't want to sound like I'm pandering just yet. I'll do that later. But pander away. Better wait. When I so I was raised by I was raised by women, my mom and my sister, I had a wonderful aunt, I had a cousin I was very close with. So it was always around women. When I listen, this is the highest compliment I could give. When I listen to your comedy, I feel like I'm about to sit down with all of them and like whack up and then 10 minutes cheese Danish and just like it feels very familiar and familial, even though I'm obviously East Coast, New York, New Jersey. Um the region, the region's different, the sensibility is the same.
SPEAKER_07Right, right. And I think you've chosen a good pastry, an antibond. It's a real nice. I do like an antibond. So your aunt is correct.
SPEAKER_09Yes. Consistency, right? Consistency.
SPEAKER_07I am I yeah, I often I've been doing stand-up for over like over 40 years. And uh initially it was you remind me of my roommate from college, to you remind me of my best, my best friend, do you remind me of my mom and my aunt? And eventually it's gonna be somebody's uh scrappy grandma.
SPEAKER_09That's it. I like it. And uh those are all compliments, and and I have to and and the I I think almost more than anything else is the sort of some of the familial stuff that you you dive into and are willing to share, which is really fun.
SPEAKER_07Right. My dad. My dad is uh the guy's a gold mine. When he passes, I I've uh I I'm just gonna have to make stuff up. And uh because now all I have to do is write punch lines. It's really a gift.
SPEAKER_09Some of the stuff, yeah, some of the stuff about your dad, and I want to get into him, it's sort of how you how you grew up. You're one of six, right? One of six.
SPEAKER_07Right, I'm the youngest.
SPEAKER_09You're the youngest of six. So just yeah, that's that's a tough. Tell me about that. That's a tough uh road.
SPEAKER_07A lot of kids. Here's the great thing about it you don't have to hang out with all of them when you grow up. You got spares. Uh so if somebody has offended you or uh or you don't like them, I have two brothers, one of whom is such it's just a lecture to talk to the dude, and I can't right now, um sociopolitically. And then the other one, he's like, no, I'm good. I'm not gonna hang out with you guys for a hot sec. He likes to take what I call a 15-year break every 20 years or so.
SPEAKER_09Okay, he just needs a minute, he needs some downtime.
SPEAKER_07He just likes there's a lot of us. My brother Scott would like to go. It's been great. It's not that I don't like you, I just don't want to talk to you or return your calls at all. I call him on his birthday. I swear to God, it's been five or six years since it's really okay. Returned a a call. Nothing.
SPEAKER_09All right.
SPEAKER_07Yeah.
SPEAKER_09Wait, wait, I mean, do you want to get that cooking again, or we'll just we'll give him his time, right?
SPEAKER_07I'm totally giving him his time. I will continue to call him on his birthday.
SPEAKER_09Yeah.
SPEAKER_07And I will occasionally, you know, ping him with a text and go, thought of your brother. Uh but uh I he does he has the complete and utter right to not hang out with us. There's no um, you know, I mean, I was raised in a family that was like, no, you have to love everybody because they're your family. And uh I was like, I have come to believe that like, no. But and there was a there was a twist though when I was a kid, because it was you have to love all your family. Nobody said I had to like any of them.
SPEAKER_05That's that's true.
SPEAKER_07So I genuinely, to some extent, value liking people over loving them. Because if I like you, I choose to hang out with you.
SPEAKER_09That makes a lot of sense, I would say. That makes a ton of sense. And that's yeah, that's a small club for me, I have to tell you.
SPEAKER_07And uh, you know, people you actually genuinely like.
SPEAKER_09Why, yeah. I mean, I'm being a little a little unkind right now, but when you when you look, uh you know, you become you become an adult and you you have stuff to do, you get married, and I want to talk about your husband as well because uh I'm digressing, but one of your punchlines is one of the funniest goddamn things I've ever heard in my life. And uh it's a and he's he's uh he says it, but um you know, you have all these new things and then time becomes sort of even more at a premium. So you gotta you gotta suss it out. You gotta, you know, you Right, right.
SPEAKER_07There's just there's you there's only a finite amount of time on the planet. Yes, and I'm not gonna spend it with I don't know, uh doing doing things I don't want to do to some extent, you know? That's right. I wanna be of some use to people who need some help. And I want to be a relatively peaceful, serene human being for the rest of it and spend time with people I love and like. Not that I don't love everybody, because I was told that I have to, so I do. So congratulations.
SPEAKER_09Every monster in the world, you're welcome to don't like them, but I love them. Uh for an for an attendance, she's Danish is a callback to that one. But so uh tell me a little bit about your husband. The the the punchline uh was was the um I'm not we don't have to get into the joke if you don't want to. If it made me laugh so much when not when the barrel is hot was the punchline.
SPEAKER_07Oh god.
SPEAKER_09That was the hysterical.
SPEAKER_07It is hysterical, and it's here's the thing about humanity. Humanity is very funny. All people are hilarious, in my opinion. Whether or not you can work them into the act, whether you can use it as a punchline, whether you have to massage it a little bit to make the punchline uh work. So he said something almost exactly like that. Right. So I just if you listen to all of my albums, and I probably have five or six albums, I don't know. I'm not I'm not keeping track, but they're they're everywhere. There's also hard copies of my garage, people. Knock yourselves out. If you own those devices, feel free to order them. Yeah. But the um I usually I usually end every album with essentially like three dick jokes about um about about anything, right? Yeah. So my husband is a game designer, he makes video games and board games and tabletop games, and um and so uh he is very funny and very, you know, just quippy and quirky, and it's uh so it's it's great. That punchline is ridiculous and um it's hysterical. What is happening? Did you just say that? I was like, that's what I said.
SPEAKER_09But the I think the thing that uh struck struck me was was just like the realness that you share between a married couple. I'll be married uh nine years in October, right? And it's and I have a wonderful wife, and she's funny. She's also I I want to ask you this. I'll say something that uh is uh objectively hysterical on its face. And and she'll sit there, she'll sit there like we're watching the OJ trial back in the 90s, like Deadpan will not laugh. And I go, You should be laughing right now. How does it because I'm sure you say funny stuff all the time with your husband? Is he still laughing?
SPEAKER_07He did, he is, and I still laugh. So, but the um, but I but I know exactly what you're talking about. I once sat next to this couple, this is probably 25 years ago. So there was, I was on the window and there was a couple uh in the two seats, and this woman was reading a magazine, and her husband would occasionally look over and lean forward and say something, and she wouldn't say anything about it, and she would just flip a page, and then he would come in and she would he would get a half smile and then she would flip a page. And finally he goes, You know, how did you get so lucky as to be married to a guy who's so funny? And without without changing an expression, she goes, Yeah, just a gift, I guess. Just kind of make me laugh because it made him laugh. And I was like, Yeah, I was like, so clearly it's sort of a game they play where he tries to make her laugh, she tries to make I mean that's if you're gonna spend 20 years with somebody, yeah, you know, try to make them laugh, right?
SPEAKER_09100%. And I think to your to your point about love, loving and liking, I think so much of the bedrock of marriage has to be like you need to want to really spend time with this person.
SPEAKER_07Right. I did a joke about when we were first dating, and this is it's funny because Dan Savage um was talking about how he heard the joke and he somebody asked him what he thought about it as relationship advice, and he said, Yeah, you have to, because what uh when we were first dating, Andy, my husband said, So what are your uh do you do you have what what are your boyfriend expectations? And I said, Well, I I expect you to be nice, I expect you to be polite, I expect that if we ever live together, you'll keep the common areas clean and uh you'll do your half of the chores. And he said, Yeah, those are not boyfriend expectations, those are roommate expectations. And I said, Well, what are boyfriend expectations? And he said, You don't need to know. You're doing great.
SPEAKER_05You're doing great.
SPEAKER_07Yeah, and uh, and so and Dan Savage, who's a very famous relationship advice guy, he said, No, you should totally have roommate expectations when you live with somebody.
SPEAKER_06Yeah.
SPEAKER_07I mean, their boyfriend, I mean, relationship expectations, sort of loving and and sex and and being there for each other in some sort of higher plane kind of thing, is all well and good. Sure. But seriously, don't leave your shit just lying around. Nobody wants that.
SPEAKER_09Nobody wants that. Clean it, clean it, clean the dishes. Do it do it like before one of someone gets home, before she gets home, like, all right, I'm gonna do this. Before I get home, do this. Make it take take the air out of the thing. Like, make this this this is the life can be a fresh hell. I'm I'm a very positive person, but it it can it can be a fresh hell like any other day, right? Right. So you want to make that thing as easy as possible on the other person. So no, totally. It's prag pragmatism.
SPEAKER_07You gotta leave romance is great, but it completely and entirely, but you know, better part of valor, man, is just uh divide and conquer. That's right. Try to try to you're you're supposedly a team, right? You don't you don't want half the team to be mad or sad or you know, in in a shitty mood.
SPEAKER_09Well, but hang out. Your your team sounds very like you two would be the most fun at a party between the game designing and your humor. So that's that sounds like a pretty good pretty good.
SPEAKER_07Oh, there you go. And it's like yeah, he bought this thing on Kickstarter, and then we just we now, and I bought some too, but they're we have a Marvel, it's called Marvel United, and you could play almost any character in the Marvel universe. And think about think about how deep that bench is, Andrew.
SPEAKER_09Wow, that's a deep bench.
SPEAKER_07That's a deep bench. And uh so we have probably a hundred different characters. So he's got he's gonna have several tables where two different games could be going on where because it only plays four people. So he's pretty excited about it. Oh, that's cool.
SPEAKER_09He's he's he's he's jacked up about it. Look, and I always say life is all about things to look forward to, and that's a fun, that's a fun gathering, you know?
SPEAKER_07Yeah, yeah. We're gonna, yeah, we're gonna have a little have a little Nash, you know, drink some sodi pops. That's fantastic. We got a six-pack, we're gonna have ten people here. I don't know if anybody drinks, but they'll be disappointed because we have six beers.
SPEAKER_09And they'll split them. You cut them right in half. I I uh Jackie, I have to say, our nights tonight could not be more different. My wife and I are going to this fundraising thing uh in northern New Jersey. It's a Havana nights theme, so I'm gonna be with a bunch of you know ostentatious people like who's who's out who's out foring who, you know.
SPEAKER_07Right, right. Is did you ever read a book called Havana Nocturne? I don't know. I have not. It is a nonfiction book about uh Meyer Lansky who tried to turn Havana into in he helped found uh Vegas, Meyer Lansky.
SPEAKER_09Yeah, of course.
SPEAKER_07And um he wanted to turn Havana into another Vegas. The year he chose to do that was the year before and the and the year of uh Fidel Castro.
SPEAKER_05Oh boy.
SPEAKER_07Didn't work. He could have lit uh gajillion dollars on fire, and uh, but he was a real dirt bag, so nobody was sad.
SPEAKER_06Yeah.
SPEAKER_07And uh and uh but it's a great book. It's a really I gave it to my dad, yeah. And my dad, because my dad is now um he they took away his he's 89, right? So they took away his car.
SPEAKER_09And uh take those keys sometimes, you know.
SPEAKER_07Yeah, yeah. He just he kept hitting things, and he's like, I'm not hitting anybody, people are hitting me. And I'm like, uh, that was a poll. Anyway.
SPEAKER_09Uh yeah, we want to avoid that. Some of your some of your punchlines and some of your your your um premises with your dad are hysterical, just thinking about the mosque, the mosque one, the uh Derringers was hysterical with the poker. I mean, it's really great stuff.
SPEAKER_07He's so funny about some of the it's very funny because he doesn't I tell stories where he is not the hero, and in some ways, he is sometimes the jerk, and he doesn't care, he's always enjoyed it. All of the stories, like since the first album where I told the story about him selling um aluminum siding to a guy with a brick house. And the guy's like, Well, now what's what what's why is I have a brick house. Why would I need siding? And the guy's like, Well, brick will chip. And you're just like, come on. Um, it's and anyway, but I mean, so he's constantly, but for the whole time he hasn't cared about any of the bits that I've done about him. Like I talk about how he cheated on my mother-in-law, my stepmother. Uh uh, they were married 25 years. He cheated with her for nine years, and when confronted, he said, not nine years in a row.
SPEAKER_09It was there were gaps. I mean, come on, yeah, gaps of finality.
SPEAKER_07Guess what? You were just bored, is what it was. And you were like, nah, I'm done with that one.
SPEAKER_09And it had a gappy gomar, you know. That's all that was.
SPEAKER_07And so the only one he ever cared about was I think three albums ago. Uh, I think the Horcrux album. Um, he it was, I talked about going home and uh to Milwaukee to visit, and he was like, Do you want to let's go for coffee? And uh, and it was about how he was, I think he was like 65 or pushing 70. And he his entire life he was trying to get the senior discount from when he turned 40.
SPEAKER_06Yeah.
SPEAKER_07He'd been trying to be like, would I I don't get the senior discount?
SPEAKER_06Yeah.
SPEAKER_07And uh, and since he turned 65, he's been trying to have people card him for the senior discount. That's now that's the new game, right?
SPEAKER_06Sure.
SPEAKER_07So when he when I was about when he was about 65 or so, I was like, Do you want to go for coffee before I leave town, Dad? He goes, Yeah, let's go to this McDonald's. It's a really nice McDonald's. And I was like, let's go to a coffee shop, yeah, let's go to a diner and have breakfast and like Christians, where they bring us coffee over and over again. And he's like, Oh, those are really good. And they card me for the senior disco.
SPEAKER_05Right.
SPEAKER_07So we 8 a.m. And my dad's already been up for a couple hours, I guess, because he shows up and he's wearing the craziest outfit. And he says he this is the only joke that he's like, I don't even own that outfit. I don't know what you're talking about. Because my father is very dapper, and he's just he's a and so I swear to God, he was wearing a uh a jean shirt that had been the sleeves have been cut off and jean shorts cut-offs, Daisy Dukes. I could see the pockets, and so they matched. And I was like, Why are you wearing this outfit? And he's like, What are you talking about? And so I was fishing, and I said, for men, because you look like a gay rave outfit, and it looks like it's going to be very successful. You're very handsome. And he hates that joke. He was like, Yeah, you don't don't, I'm not, I don't own any unfinished clothing. That's hysterical. And I was like, Well, you are a caricature of an older gay man then, aren't you?
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SPEAKER_09The vanity never goes away. It never goes away.
SPEAKER_07It does not.
SPEAKER_09It does not.
SPEAKER_07And he and he doesn't have a sternum. He had they because there was, I think it was the lat two albums ago, maybe the last album. I think it was the last album where he got uh the surgery for he got heart surgery. And they opened him up and they had to fix his heart, and they they they forgot to do something. So they had to open him up again.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_07And he was 80, 82. And uh and then they left something in him. They had to open him three times and he did not die.
SPEAKER_05Wow.
SPEAKER_07And my sister is um I my sister-in-law is a doctor and wait a minute. What am I doing? Okay. My sister-in-law is a doctor, and she kept saying, Oh, he's dead. This is this is the thing that's gonna kill him. We call her we call her the angel of death. And uh, and he kept living. And his my well, I'll save it for the end because you said you have like a last you have a advice thing. Yeah. Sure. So but my father's full of advice that you don't want to take, but if you were to take it, you would be you would live a perfectly happy life. Like I was talking to him and he was and uh it was something about franchises or something, and I was like, Oh yeah, somebody I know bought a fan franchise, and he was like, Yeah, they bought a franchise. They didn't buy a franchise, Jackie. When you buy a franchise, and that's what they call it. You're not buying a you're not buying a business. You're buying a job for yourself for 30 years. You're not because they knocked down the McDonald's, they rebuild the McDonald's. You now have a mortgage. You have to order it from them, the company store, and you have to work for them for 30 years. And you might make good money. You might not. But then you have to figure out how to sell it. So why don't you just start a burger joint? How about that? And I was like, you're not wrong.
SPEAKER_09He's not wrong. He's not wrong. That is incredibly pragmatic advice. It really is. You know, and that's I think you I think you mentioned that as well about his pragmatism. And uh with the with the mosque joke was hysterical as well.
SPEAKER_07I I picked that die with zero book for the for the animator. Yes, that was great. What book is he holding? And I was like, well, there's that book where you're supposed to die with no money, so your kids get nothing. And uh and my dad's a big gambler, so we aren't gonna get anything anyway.
SPEAKER_09What is he tail like table like table games or sports?
SPEAKER_07Which what's uh sports always when we were kids and poke and and cards? Okay.
SPEAKER_09And uh and then Oh right, the poker, the poker, uh the Derringer story as well.
SPEAKER_07Yeah, and uh then the the and then for a short amount of time he was doing slots.
SPEAKER_05Okay.
SPEAKER_07And I was like, this is a sign of of just addiction. If you're just gonna sit there and press a button for three hours.
SPEAKER_09Yeah, you're pumping, you're pumping you're pumping pennies looking for cherries. That's a tough run. Yeah.
SPEAKER_07It really is.
SPEAKER_09What I want to talk, I want to I want to go back to that my old man used to say in in in a few, I just want to ask you a a couple different questions, just as a as a writer myself, and I want to talk to you a little bit about obviously your jokes are are lived in experience and really funny, and it's and you you fine-tune them. Do you have a particular process? Are you writing on cocktail napkins like I do at the ball?
SPEAKER_07I'm writing on cocktail napkins. It's a we're we're the bane of uh of of small businesses. We use your napkins. And we also borrow pens we don't return. And uh, but then but that's not always on purpose. Uh so the napkin, you're never seeing that again. And uh so yeah, I just like I have this new bit that uh what was it? Oh uh yeah, it was something about oh about about because everybody my friend Maria, her husband needs to sit next to her. And there are people who need to sit next to their partners on planes and trains and automobiles or buses or whatever. And I don't I like sitting next to Andy, but I don't need to. We're still married before and after. So I just wrote on this whole thing about how it's just like I don't I don't need to sit next to this guy all the time.
SPEAKER_09Take your break. Maybe not a 15-year break, but uh but a break nonetheless.
SPEAKER_07Four hours? Yeah.
SPEAKER_09Four hours works.
SPEAKER_07And we could pretend, we could text each other as we land, going, hey, I'll meet you at baggage climb and pretend that we're picking each other up at the airport.
SPEAKER_09That's right.
SPEAKER_07Right? It can be a romantic.
SPEAKER_09It's a yeah, it's a trist. You're meeting somewhere. I I feel like I'm doing my wife a mitzvah when she doesn't have to sit next to me for four hours and listen to my my bullshit.
SPEAKER_07Right. Unless he wants to I travel so much. Unless he wants to sit in the middle seat, which I can't imagine he would. I want the best for him. So what I want to do is I want to get him the aisle or window of his dreams. Yeah. And I want the aisle or window of my dreams. It's a window.
SPEAKER_06Sure.
SPEAKER_07And uh and so, but yeah, I don't so it's yeah, it's it's napkins. It's yeah, cocktail napkins. And then I threw I I I did the other day, I came that was the premise that I had coffee with a friend, another comic, and we did joke machine, and she tagged the hell out of that bit. And so I tried to do it the other night, couldn't remember all the tags. It was pretty great. Gotta work on that one. It's so it's brand new. I've only done it once.
SPEAKER_09Oh, that's great. And and when you you know, like you try to do so much as a as a writer, uh, you know, as a your comic, and but sometimes when someone else is not in in your mental trenches with you, and they're like, Oh, oh yeah, that works. It works really well. You know, that's that's cool. The collaboration of it's cool.
SPEAKER_07And I like um the only rule of joke machine, uh uh a writing tool game that my friend Morant and I made up, Mary Bamford, is the only rule of joke machine is you cannot say to somebody, why would you write about that? Or that's terrible. The the the worst you can say in joke machine is there's something there.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_07There's totally because there is something there. All you have to do, the best thing about joke machine is when if you were to have a premise, and then I would say, Well, this is what it makes me think about. What was happening right before that joke, or what was happening right after that happened, or what it what did who thought of, like what did the person think that you were talking to was happening? Like there's another angle that you could write a whole new rich vein of stand-up comedy off of that, or whatever, not even just stand-up, it could be I don't write fiction, but I assume that's what it would be.
SPEAKER_09Sure. Yeah, exactly. And uh I wanna I want to also just pivot real quick to uh to your to your extensive touring and your unbelievable consistency over the years. And I want to just sort of get your get your take on that. I mean, you you tore about uh like two 200 days out of the year or something. Is it is that crazy?
SPEAKER_07Oh God. Wow, don't put it in days. It's bad enough to sorry. It's bad enough to say I think it's about 42 out of 52, like somewhere between 40 and 45 weeks a year. And and it's like do you ever play hacky sack? Where yeah, so you gotta when when you kick the ball in Hacky Sack, you gotta touch your foot down very e even if it's just for a heartbeat to get your rebalance. Right. So that's what stand-up comedy is for me, where I kick the ball, I go back home really quick, meet my dogs and my husband, and uh and and hopefully have a nice, you know, a nice visit, and then I hit the road again. So and then he comes with me when he can, and then he has to travel too, because he goes to a lot of game conventions.
SPEAKER_09So Right. Okay. Oh, you guys you just go in and do fun stuff. That's great. That's the right thing.
SPEAKER_07Right, right. We're your favorite aunt and uncle. I tell you what, I'm you may not get rid of me here.
SPEAKER_09This is good. This is but and and with the you know, with the with the touring and things like that, it like what I I have a hard time, and uh, this is not a knock on on young or younger comics like just coming up. But I feel like if you told them that no, this is this workmanlike approach is what you have to do to be successful, to to be a uh a you know, a real crafts uh, you know, this is your craft. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_07Like to work it, you gotta work it.
SPEAKER_09You gotta work it, right? So is there something you could you would say to a a younger comic or starting out a writer?
SPEAKER_07Like there's people who want to do things, right? You're like, I want to do comedy. I would love to have written a novel. It turns out I don't want to write a novel. I wish I had already written that novel because guess what novel writing is? A great deal of work.
SPEAKER_06Yeah.
SPEAKER_07Uh so but there's there's so much if you want to do stand-up comedy and you you find a mic, you find an open mic, or you find a class, a class is kind of a they used to be frowned upon, but I think that they're that it's a good technique. And you can find it on Zoom. I have friends who teach stand-up on Zoom, or you can go to the local club. Like, but if you don't have a local club, you can do a Zoom class and yeah. And so here's what you will find out almost immediately if you start going to open mics, if you want to do stand-up comedy, because they're a pain in the neck. You get three minutes, you're not gonna so people are like, Well, what are you what should I talk about? Just like pick three things that you think are funny, yeah, that's gonna fill your time. You get up on stage, you say those three things, then you get off stage because you're gonna get the light. Don't run the light, they're gonna get mad at you. Just get off. And so, and the by the second the the first to tenth time that you do it, you're gonna know if you want to do this. Because it is exactly that, it's a grind. And and I know I know kids that like people that were children when they started doing it, like 16. I started when I was 19, which is pretty young, but like there's a kid named Vince Caldera who started a mic when he was in high school over in Silver Lake or Atwater Village or something like that, because he grew up here in Los Angeles, and Vince Caldera and his buddy from high school started on open mic, and they uh he's still doing it, he's 30. He put on his first album and special. It's hilarious. Find it. Vince Caldera, he's such a funny kid, and um he knew immediately. Like I knew, like when I first started doing stand-up, I was like, I assume it's like what it would be like falling into a vat of heroin. I was like, I don't want to leave. This is the best thing I've ever done. I get to say whatever I want, and people will bust my chops if it isn't funny. The audience will tell me immediately if it isn't funny. And so like the feedback is instantaneous.
SPEAKER_09Yeah. Yeah, and and you're goddamn funny. I mean, let's just call that that what it is. Yeah, just like there are just some there are just some people, and you you obviously don't need that to hear that from me.
SPEAKER_06Oh, but I love it.
SPEAKER_09I'll tell you there are just some people who are are just funny, period, and there's nothing you can do about it, and you're one of those people, and I you know, and you're doing it's the best what you're doing. So keep obviously you're gonna keep doing it. I don't need to tell you to keep doing it.
SPEAKER_07Right, it's always funny. Keep doing it.
SPEAKER_09You're like, wait, was I gonna stop? No, it's just one of those knee-jerk things that you just say, but but so I want to as as I don't want to take up too much more of your time. Let's do it. And my old man used to say, if you have something and you have a lot of things, I'm sure.
SPEAKER_07I have so many things. And you know what? It actually doesn't fit under I I you sent me the question. My old man used to say, This is my favorite thing. Maybe. Oh, there's so many things my dad has said, but um All right, I'll I'll tell you one that that is a it's part of the the bit that made I I ended up making a challenge coin with his face on it that he could not have been more pleased with. But it says, he always says, you know, his advice is never say no without a number, right? So never say no without a number just means if somebody says, I want you to do this job, or I want you to do this gig or I want you to uh shovel sand for a living or whatever, don't just say, I don't want to do that. That's horrible. Uh he's like, you can say that. Eventually, you may say that. But here's the thing don't say no without a number. This is a fun game. My father, everything is a sale, everything's a game. And he's like, here's the game. Ask for a crazy amount of money. See if it works. He's like, uh, you say, Oh, I'm gonna need $30,000 to do that. And then they go, Oh my gosh, we don't have thirty thousand dollars. And then you say back, well, thank you so much for thinking of me. Uh if your budget ever goes up, at least keep me in mind, but know that my that my prices are always rising, so that you can turn it down in perpetuity. And um he's like, just say some crazy number. And because and I and I went to him and I said, I tried to never say no without a number, Dad, and it didn't work. I they asked me to do a gig and I said, and and and uh, and he said, Well, what did you ask for? And I said, two grand. And he said, uh, and then what happened? He said, they said, fine, and now I have to go to Montana in February. And he said, Well, you know what you learn, you always learn from stuff. You know what you learned. And I said, What? What did I learn? He said that everyone has two thousand dollars. And he also said, if they say yes, if you're willing to be confronting, if you're willing to be the person who goes, No, I still don't want to do it. That's fun too, he said. And I'm like, that doesn't sound fun to me at all.
unknownThank you.
SPEAKER_09This is, I have to say, this is like catnip for me. I I never like my mom, she tried, she did great. She was wonderful, single mom. I was I always was looking for that. That guy to go, hey, do this, say this, give him a number. That is, I have to tell you, that's fantastic pregnancy.
SPEAKER_07Yeah, but my father's a lot like radiation. He wasn't around a lot when we were kids, but uh, we never saw him, but he affected all of our lives. Uh so like he would have like this uh, he would just show up and then all of a sudden he'd be like, So how do they go? How do they go today? And uh, like I once I was selling candy bars for school. They were 50 cents each, and I was selling them for a buck each.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_07And I got exp I got suspended. And uh they were like, uh, what are you doing? And I said, What do you mean? You're getting your cut. And um, and they're like, Well, you we're gonna have to call and tell your parents. And I was like, Well, they know, and then they looked at me like I was trash, and then I walked home and I was so confused because I was in trouble for making money, for making a profit. And so I get home, and my dad and my sister are there, and they're sitting on these chairs, and my dad has this very stern look on his face, and I'm half crying, and I'm like, Hey, how's it going? And then they both burst out laughing, and my dad stands up and pats me on the back and goes, Dinner's on you.
SPEAKER_09That's good. That's a hell of a plan. Everyone's everyone's getting their taste. What was their problem?
SPEAKER_07That was exactly my father's point. And uh there and I couldn't and and other people, and I was at like the the brewers went to the the the World Series at 82. And my brother Phil made these knockoff buttons that said the World Series that had the brewer logo on it. They weren't official, but he sold them outside the the stadium, and he had like a hundred left, and he gave them to me when he left town, and he said, You could sell them if you want. I won't and then there was this pause, he goes, I won't even take a taste. You can have all the money. And uh I'm like 16, and he's which means he's like 24. Yeah. Yeah. So I take him to school, I'm wearing them all over my shirt, and I sell them all day long. And by the by seventh period, the principal calls me into the office and he's like, So I understand you're selling non-school related items like in class. And I and I thought about take I only had like two left. And I thought about taking them off my shirt because I knew why he'd called me in, right? And I took one off because I too could be a bit of a button pusher and a dick. So I left one on and I go in and he was like, Dr. Klein, and he was like, I understand you're you're selling non, it's not school, and I said, Right. Have you seen the kids that are selling like church raffle tickets? You see those kids? And he was like, Yes, but they got it was okay. And I was like, Really? So it's okay for them. That doesn't seem church and state. And uh, because I was also that kid, yeah, uh, and he goes, Stop selling them.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_07He just goes, knock it off to stop. Right. And I said, Here you go. I only have two left. You can have one. Here you go. And he was like, get out.
SPEAKER_09That's good. Go brew, go brew crew.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, go brew crew.
SPEAKER_09I I would say, I would say that's goddamn, and it's all it's all copy, as they say. It's one of my favorite quotes. It's all copy. What do you have? What can you uh sort of tell us what you're doing now? Uh tell us about your podcast and and what's the first one.
SPEAKER_07Okay, yeah, I've I have two podcasts. I have uh podcasts I've been doing for twenty this is the 20th year of doing the Dork Forest, where I interview people about what they are dorky about. Yesterday I just did one with a guy from New York, comic from New York, named Matt Kauf. Do you know him?
SPEAKER_09Yes, yeah, yeah, sure. Okay, of course.
SPEAKER_07He talked about candy.
SPEAKER_09Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_07For an hour. And it went by so very quickly because he is an adult man who enjoys candy. And uh, and so he's trying to uh still control and enjoy his candy consumption. Okay, and uh so we to uh but it could be anything. Like I just did one about Goldeneye. It was a guy who did a walkthrough next week, I think is the Goldeneye one of that that video game from '97. Remember that? Yeah, it could be anything. It could be cars, it could be video games, it could be movies, it could be knitting, it could be Jinny Garofalo did beading, where you make things like a bead bracelet.
SPEAKER_09I didn't see that one coming, I'll be honest with you. Me neither.
SPEAKER_07Me neither. I did um Diva Zappa, Frank Zappa's daughter, uh Diva, did about knitting. And she likes to knit with like the hardest, like the most difficult anyway. I've digressed. Here's the thing The Dork Forest. It's a great podcast, it's about everything. The other one is with Lori Kilmartin, who you might know, stand-up comic. Yeah, of course not out of uh out of New York and LA. And she uh we talk about stand-up comedy and uh so the Jackie Lori show, the dork forest. If you go to Jackie Cacia.com, you will find my tour dates. I have a new album and a new special called Altercation Out. We talked about it. Yeah, and I have uh you could watch you could watch Staycation from last time, and then I've got other albums that are all on Spotify and Bandcamp and Amazon and Apple and whatever whatever you want. Go to Jackie Caesan.com or Family Petancestry.com, which I bought and it points to Jackie Cation.com. Familypetancestry.com. Okay. Why did I buy that, Andrew? Uh made me laugh. I like the idea. I bought it like 15 years ago because I was like, there's no way that, but what if some weirdo was like, I wonder if my cat came over on the Mayflower? Family Petancestry.com. I wonder if my dog's eligible to join the dogs of the American Revolution. Anyway, uh too much info. I can't stop talking. I've no drank this coffee.
SPEAKER_09Thanks for having me. No, you got it. And and you know, I've always wondered if uh if my neighbor's Bijan was Greek or Italian. I can't tell. So check that out. But but uh Jackie, this is really, really fun. Thank you so much for taking some time for for the show, and and we're gonna definitely check check everything out that you're doing, and we'll stay in touch as well, Jackie. Okay?
SPEAKER_07Okay. Thanks.
SPEAKER_09Thank you so much for coming. All right. Okay, everyone. I told you, boy, she's funny as all hell. She really is. She had me laughing. I was trying to hold back a little bit. I wouldn't want to embarrass myself, but I had a such a good time with her. Like I said, being raised by by ladies, just sitting here chopping it up with her. I felt like my sister, my cousin, my mom, my aunt, just just having having a great time laughing a little bit. Just taking a taking a wind out of out of life and just shooting the shit was really great. So happy she came on. And uh check her podcasts out, The Dork Forest and Um The Jackie and Lori show. How did I not remember that one? But you you know, check check her comedy albums out, Spotify, Amazon. She's everywhere. She's she's hysterical. So hopefully we'll we'll stay in touch and maybe she'll even come back down the road. And and that's it. But uh, as for the fatherless cheat sheet, new episodes on Thursdays every week. Let's go, let's keep pushing, let's move forward. YouTube, subscribe, please. It helps. Let's build the audience. Instagram, give me a follow, give me a hello, say hey, I'll say hey back. There's some funny New Jersey dad stuff I'm doing on there, just as a little aside, and that's it. But stick with me, I appreciate you. And this was The Fatherless Gigi. All right.
SPEAKER_05Hi, this is Zoe Deutsch.
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