The NJ DAD Podcast
The NJ Dad Podcast is where fatherhood meets humor. Join Andrew Parise for honest conversations about parenting, marriage, work, friendships, and the everyday chaos of suburban family life. Some episodes are solo, some feature guests, but they’re all built around one idea: being a better dad doesn’t mean taking yourself too seriously. Whether you’re changing diapers, coaching Little League, navigating date night, or just trying to survive another trip to Costco, you’ll find relatable stories, practical perspective, and plenty of laughs along the way. New episodes every Thursday.
The NJ DAD Podcast
What Individuality Means as a Parent
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SPEAKER_00It was just Girl Scout cookie season. And she kicked ass. She, you know, she did the whole thing and she she did a cookie stand and she was selling. She was selling like she was in Glengarry, Glenn Ross, and you know, coffee is for closer. She did great. Hey, welcome to the Fatherless Cheat Sheet. I am your fatherless friend and host, Andrew. Thank you very much for joining me today as I wrap up the three-part parenting arc. And this one is about individuality, parental individuality, what you lose, what you gain. And I ha sometimes the universe just provides. I want to point out one of the most perfectly kid things that just happened to me. I just realized that as I'm drinking my drink, I make myself a drink to record the show. And I looked in the glass and there's a crumbs in the glass or something, and I realized it was coming from the perfectly square large ice cube that I have in there. I have those trays that make the big, nice ice cubes either round or square. So you could have it with a drink, it melts less quickly and it's just more enjoyable. I like them. And then I realized that there was some sort of cookie or something in it at the bottom. And then I further realized, like Colombo realizing the case, I remember my oldest daughter made these ice cubes, and I guess she stuck a cookie, a crumble, I I some some confection at the bottom of this ice cube tray. So what's more perfectly perfect than to start a show about losing your losing your identity as a parent than my perfectly square ice cube being interrupted by a cookie crumble at the bottom of it, as with the rest of my drink. But honestly, who cares? Because it's just adorable that she did that. And I remember her standing over the sink and doing the ice cubes, filling it up. God knows what concoction she put in there. But hey, let's give it a shot on the fatherless cheat sheet. Check it out. Okay, welcome back. As I drink my bourbon with Cookie Crumble, I don't even know what the hell it is at the bottom. I'm sure it's fine. And I'm sure whatever booze is in the whiskey will kill any germs or although children, you you although I was sick, I don't know, two or three times this winter, I'm fine. But you they're petri dishes. They bring in all types of crap. You get sick, everybody's sick, it runs through the house, and it just it just never seems to end. But I wanted to, I wanted to do this episode about parent parents, uh, friends of parents, meeting people through your kids, losing one's identity to a degree, bolstering one's identity, because this is not all negative, and I'll get there. But it's an important topic. And when my wife and I were planning to have kids, trying to have kids, and finally did have children, thank God, we always kind of stayed on the same page with the idea of they're coming into our world. Yes, they did not ask for this, but they're coming into our world, and they live in our world and not the other way around. Oh, yeah, good luck with that. Sweet kids. It always it doesn't always happen like that. We try. We try to make it like that. It doesn't always happen like that. But I think that the effort to get to the point where, yes, hey, listen, sometimes their stuff takes over for sure, and sometimes the living room is co-opted by toys and crap and this and that. There's more goddamn crayons and markers around that house. But for the most part, we really try to make it about you're inhabiting our space and this is how it's gonna go. And you don't wanna die on every hill, but uh as much as you can, you you try to stick to that. And then the other thing I was thinking about was, and I'll get to the impetus for the show, this topic, as well, was you know, years ago as a young actor, as I was bartending, all the cliche shit that you you've heard a million times. Late nights, real late nights. I worked at a bar, we used to, you know, toss napkins around the room, the cocktail napkins. We were encouraged to do that. We were shooting whiskey, tossing these napkins around the room four or five times a night. These poor you know, barbacks had to pick them up. You know, and now I think fast forward 20 something years, I'm you know, I'm cartering bounty paper towels because they're so goddamn expensive. And you know, I don't really do shots of whiskey anymore. I I I sip them, apparently, you know, I'll a la mode, cookie crumble. But the the stark change is ever present in your daily life and to the to the point that the impetus for this topic was another great conversation with uh one of the moms at the school. And I know I started the the series like that as well. And this was a little more organic. I didn't seek out the information. I wasn't seeking this conversation out, but I'm glad it did happen because it was a really lovely conversation. It happened at a uh bounce, a bounce house birthday party at 10 a.m. on a Saturday. And I think, I think I said to uh Nicole is her name, shout out Nicole. We started talking, and I kind of just said, you know, it's 10 o'clock on a Saturday. This is not, this is not what I had in mind exactly at this bounce house birthday party, and here we are. And what turned into be a really wonderful conversation and but you know, between two adults, because with the chaos uh going on around us, the height of absurdity being bookended by these giant blow-up bounce houses in the shapes of the trucks or whatever the hell the thing is with slides, and the kids are going batshit crazy, having a blast, and that's great. But you got you wind up in these scenarios, and I I think I said to her, I said, I just remember when I used to get ready to go out, to get ready to go out and having that quiet drink alone and having that minute, like that was half the night. It was half the fun of the night, you know, or having, you know, she mentioned living in the city and just being able to have that coffee on a park bench and sitting alone. So we sort of we sort of reflected nostalgically and sort of romantically uh speaking about these times and these the time you had sort of by yourself or with yourself or when your time wasn't promised to somebody else and how that sort of it all happens um slowly, but then it happens really quickly. And just to give this, uh to give her a compliment, uh she's always got a smile on her face, a thousand watts smile. She's always dressed to the nines, always put together well. And I I say this because she's got three kids, six and under. And that is that is not easy. And I know she's I'm not sure what your home situation is. I know her husband's working his tail off, and you know, she's with the kids and stuff like that. And to s to remain so positive all the time and to look like it's sort of effortless should be lauded. And I think there are a lot of moms and even dads out there as well who who are you know, fighting the good fight at home. And speaking from someone who's done that to a large degree before, it can be really isolating. It can be really frustrating when your only conversation is with a two-year-old who you just finished the Rocky series with because you didn't know what the hell else to show her, because it's the middle of winter and you're by yourself with this kid. And it's it can be sort of uh you forget when you're in the trenches, you sort of forget who you are to some degree because your role now is the that thing. It defines you, the caretaker or the cook or the chauffeur. So so many of these things wind up defining us. And it's just a long-winded way of saying that that's sort of how I ended up on this topic of conversation from that very, very nice conversation that I had. And because it pointed out so many things, and then, you know, having a lovely conversation, and then a five-year-old kid named Noah runs right into your left side and gives you a dead leg because he's not looking, and and you know, and then he's on the floor flat because I'm a giant, and then you feel bad, and da-da-da. Noah's parents obviously are nowhere to be found and whatever. But and that's how it happens, and then you're reminded again of the absurdity that you're in this bounce house place on Saturday morning, and you know, don't turn, don't turn a black light on, God forbid, because these places, you know, the place is fairly clean, actually. But my point is that it's just parenting can be quite ridiculous sometimes. It really can. And to get to the point of this show, sometimes those conversations in in that sort of territory in that uh setting uh can let that steam out just a little bit. You know, not everybody, not every parent shows up ready to have a conversation, not everybody's looking to talk to me. Half of them look like they rolled out of the hamper. I I get that. I'm not I'm not judging you, I'm just saying. So um it's really, it's really quite an interesting thing when we start to think about who we become friends with and why. A lot of times when you're a parent, you just you kind of you hope for the best with some of the kids the kids' parents that your kids are friends with or friendly with. And we've lucked out, we have some some good friends uh who are parents of our you know, our older daughter's buddies, because you know, our little ones not really quite there yet socially. But the idea being, it's a lot of times it's it's this default thing. Now things have, I think, really have changed. And what I looked at sort of in research or whatever I was looking at, things have changed quite a bit. There's not as much I find this to be true. I'm not sure, I'm not speaking for everybody naturally, but whereas extended family, you know, a ton of cousins around and stuff like that. So a lot of people still have that. I think that's wonderful. I wish we had that a little bit more with the girls, but my family's quite spread out. And um, you know, there's not there's not that thing anymore, I think, with with certain in certain ways. And you kinda you kinda hang with who you hang with uh to a degree, but that's how it's always been, I guess. I mean, it's friendship wise. Thank God I met Dino when I did and in high school many years ago when I moved to a new place in new high school. And it was just a luck of the draw, geography. And I just I haven't left them alone since. And here we are, uh, you know, almost 30 years later, which is sort of hard to believe. But but anyways, I I digress and um we're just gonna look at a couple things, talk it out, talk about it a little bit. You know, I would also say, aside from not really caring about my ice, what's in there? God, that's sort of gross. I'm still gonna drink it. Anyway, sorry. When you what you realize is that your children don't give a shit about your hangover. They don't care how much you had to drink the night before, what time you went to bed. They're gonna wake you up. They're gonna come in, and especially my little one. This kid, she sl she comes into our room. They don't sleep with us. It's not a thing. It's not a thing. Once in a while, if they're not feeling well or something, they'll come in. But I I it's again, not a judgment. Why just we don't do it. So when they come in, once in a blue, this kid slams this door, this door shut. It's like Mr. T slammed the door shut. I I don't understand. She pities the fool who who uh slams the door this shut. I'm not sure why she's doing that, but um they're they're just they're her own people. Personally, too. The just a couple quick things before I sort of dig into some of the some of the findings. As you know, I like to do some research and and dig up some stuff. We're talking about hobbies too, pastimes, hobbies, friendships, and then naturally that individuality. I've never been really a hobby guy. I've always sort of just I mean, working out I guess was a hobby to some degree. I've always gone to the gym. Uh I've always enjoyed that, so I guess I treated that as uh hobby-ish. But I never really, you know, some people do gaming or I don't know, uh what do people do? I I I I don't even know. Ski, I I've never really done much of that stuff. So I was always sort of uh not on that that page. But the other thing I'll say is that they don't give a shit about your hangover, but that's okay because thank God I have my girls and thank God that happened to us and for us because I'm not quite sure what what the hell would have shaken out for me. As instead of looking at all of this stuff as a negative path, there's a there's sort of how how parenting concessions manifest. There's a resentment path when a person what when personal time disappears entirely, parents can feel frustration, nostalgia for the previous life, and a sense of lost individuality. Okay. And then the positive transformation path, some parents reinterpret the same sacrifices as a meaningful investment in their children and see their identity expand rather than shrink. I would say, like everything else, there's probably a little bit of a mixed bag, but for me, I've realized my purpose as my girl's father, as my daughter's father, as their dad, as their, you know, as their father. And that's that's given me all I need to move forward. And you know, sacrifices be damned. How much do you at the end of the day unless you're not planning on it and don't want that to happen, that's a whole different conversation. You're planning on a family Yeah, are are there some surprises? Are you a little taken back by the the intensity and the gravity of it? Sure, of course. But you're you wanted it so badly, and now you have this thing. So I've found personally, for me, speaking for myself, I've really leaned into it and it's given me such great purpose, and I really could not be happier to be their father. And that's my role. That is my role, and that makes me genuinely happy. So but I understand, you know, you do lose you you do have that nostalgia for a previous life. Once in a while you can almost uh fantasize about it, and because it just feels like a whole different lifetime ago, which is just so interesting how memory works and how time works and how time feels as you get older, time speeds up, and then some of these weeks are just chaos and brutal, and then a month passes. You go, how the hell? How I'm sit first of all, can we talk about this for a second? If you're in the tri-state area right now, I'm in New Jersey in March. What is it? I don't know what the date. Uh I don't know, mid-March, something like that. It's about 75 degrees outside, and that makes me very happy. So one of the dads the other day, yesterday, he said that uh dad of a uh a little girl, with a little sweetheart, uh was friends with my daughter, and we were talking about the weather because it was so exceptionally nice out. And he said, now I know he said something like now I can find out if I was really depressed or it was just the weather. I thought it was a funny line. I just I messed it up. But anyways, I hope he's all right. Uh uh I'll check in with him next time I see him. Let's hope it was just the weather. Because I there's one thing that I can't stand is is cold weather. That's it. Well, and bullshit. I don't like bullshit either. But you know, cold weather is probably the thing I hate most. So hopefully that's behind us. Um all right, so let's dig into this stuff a little bit of giving you enough kibbles and bits. Let's let's give you a little a little background. Uh so so parenthood doesn't just change your schedule. It reorganizes your identity and the way you spend your life hours, which is so true. You know, you they have to eat at a certain time, believe it or not. They have to go to sleep at a certain time, believe it or not. You have to have some semblance of parameters. I find that helpful. And we like to have some flex in there for sure, but some semblance of schedule usually works. Um and most parents don't experience the sh the shift as one dramatic moment. It happens through a thousand small concessions, which is very true. A hobby disappears here, a night out there, a quiet morning becomes a soccer practice, uh, a free weekend becomes a birthday party. See that? There you go, 10 o'clock, uh the flank between, you know, a huge blow-up giraffe and a race car with kids running into you. Um over time, parents begin asking a quiet question. What parts of myself survive the compression of time that parenting creates? I also think I'm gonna put this out there too. And anybody get get upset with me if you have to. I think there are certain parents out there who who just who can't wait to self-congratulate about the sacrifices they've made, which I think is just a a fucking waste of time. And I think it's so precious, and I think it's such horseshit. And I think there's a whole interest industry on social media made lauding oneself and saying, oh, the parenting struggles. Yeah, it's fucking hard. Yeah, it is. It's hard, okay? And some nights are really tough, especially when the sleep is interrupted and this and that, sure. But get over yourself. Get the fuck over yourself. I'm so sick of the precious and the bullshit and just patting yourself on the back. Just stop. Everybody's doing the same damn thing, everybody's working as hard as everybody else. So knock it off. And you're not gonna listen to me, but again, they're making big bucks out of this stuff. Um, especially some of the dad stuff out there. Some of the really precious dad stuff out there is a little nauseating. I'm sure they wouldn't like my show either, but I just I I sort of can't believe some of the stuff on social media I see about sort of like the really overly precious dad, saccharine dad stuff. And nobody, nobody is more mushy with his children than I am. They push me off because I hug and kiss them so much. Believe me, I tell them I love them a million times a day. But I think when you sort of are bastardizing that love, when you're sort of bastardizing and exploiting that thing, it makes me a little nauseous if I'm being honest. And you know I like to try to be honest with you.
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SPEAKER_00Uh core realities of parenting in 2026. Parents are managing dual careers, constant digital communication. Childhood is more organized than ever. Sports, activities, and lessons. I a lot of times it's again going back to the first episode, keeping up with the Joneses, some of that overscheduling is self-inflicted. It's it's hard. It's part of it is that's just a construct of now, and you sort of have to do it. But part of it is like you can say no. You can say no to stuff. And it's not easy saying no to your child or saying no to a league or this or that, but you know, parents feel more pressure to be present and involved than previous generations. I think that's probably a thing. I also think that works both ways. I think that's sort of as a negative connotation. I think maybe with the expectation that that is an uh uh an impetus to be more present, but I think you're never, ever, ever going to complain about that you spent more time. I I don't I don't believe that. I at the end of the day You're never gonna complain about more time spent. I we we went out to dinner a few weeks ago and sat next to a couple, an older couple. You know how you sit in the restaurants and they put you one on top of the other like goddamn sardines sometimes, and you just can't help but, you know, smell her, you know, her the lady's lotions and stuff like that, and you know, what brill cream he uses. But they said that was like their 50th Valentine's Day, it was right around Valentine's Day. And he said that his biggest regret, because I of course, you know, me, I'm like my old man, he's I'm always constantly like a truffle pig, seeking wisdom, seeking male wisdom my whole life. And I at every turn I said, What would you, as a dad, this many years later, like, what would you do differently? I asked him. And he said he would have worked less because he just seemed like a really successful cat. And he just said he he said he he would have worked much less and just been around them more. And I think that there's that duality and making a life for them. He's trying to provide. So it's it kind of is what it is, right? Um, but you can't get time back. That's the one thing I'll say. That is the commodity. You can't get time back. This is what I talked about before. Extended family support is often less available. Yeah, I I mean talking about uh that sandwich generation stuff, I think if you have if you have some help and support of some able-bodied grandparents, that's wonderful. If it works out like that, some situations it doesn't work out like that at all. Um, all of this produces one defining modern parenting experience, time compression. Yeah, it gets you have to prioritize well, and it's not easy because you want to sort of please all masters as the iceberg is melting in my drink and and the cookie crumble is being revealed. I'm still trying to figure out what the hell it is. I mean, God, I'm I guess I'm brave. I think, yeah, I think she just put a I think you know what it is? I know what it is. Again, Colombo moment. It's a Girl Scout cookie because it was just Girl Scout cookie season, and she kicked ass. She, you know, she did the whole thing and she she did a cookie stand and she was selling. She was selling like she was in Glen Gary, Glenn Ross, and you know, coffee is for closer. She did great. And she was really sad when it was over. She was just feeding off the energy of the whole thing. It was really sweet. And my wife was out there with her, and it was just funny. But um at a Dunkin' Donuts nearby. So I had to go and I sat inside with the little one, just making sure that nobody was being weird. But I have to say, people were so kind. It was really refreshing. People were so kind with the girls and very sweet. People were giving donations, some were buying cookies. And uh I gave her a tagline, of course, and I said, I said to the girls when I got there, I said, listen, this is what you're gonna say. You're gonna say, hey, you don't want a donut. You want a box of Girl Scout cookies. And I heard it a couple times they used it. So I hope it helped. But anyway, per oh, this is this is really interesting. Five common changes to time and individuality. Personal time becomes fragmented. Before kids, time often came in large blocks. After kids, it becomes small windows between responsibilities. I am not saying anything that is not obvious, but I just never thought about it like that. Identity gets rewritten by utility. Parents often shift from individual identity to functional household roles, such as scheduler, cook, chauffeur, or homework helper, or both of you are doing the whole thing. Hopefully you have two parents in a household if you know, or or if you're splitting time. Look, there are different situations in every household, and it's it's not easy. Spontaneity disappears.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Simple things like last minute dinners and weekends plans require planning around school calendars, sports, and bedtime routines. Yeah, a little planning. Yeah. And to be honest with you, I again, I'm not there my girls are young, are young enough that it's we're not in it just yet. We're not in the thick of it just yet. So I I sort of reserve judgment and all of this stuff. I know it gets tough, and Dino is in it. His kids have ton of us, they're great athletes, they have tons of stuff going on with their teams and stuff. Um, and hobbies. Hobbies shift toward efficiency. Activities that once took hours get replaced by things that can happen quickly and locally. Emotional trade-offs become real. The same concessions that bring meaning and pride can also create moments of exhaustion or identity loss. Hobbies parents commonly leave behind. Golf, I was never I was never that great to begin with. I'm a great time on the golf course, so I'm a I'm a hoot. I'm a fantastic time on the course. Couple couple Heineken lights before uh the third hole, whiskies, the whole thing, cigars, it's a good time. I actually want to get it back out there pretty soon. Dino, we gotta make that happen. Adult recreational sports leagues. I played softball this fall for the first time in a while. That was pretty fun. Um, but yeah, I can't see fitting that in a whole lot more than that in. Live music in nightlife. Yeah, live music rarity. We'll do a concert or something every once in a while. Long gym sessions, you get in and out in an hour. That's no big deal. Travel heavy hobbies. Never had those. Never had those. Not too many stamps in my passport, right? Long reading sessions. I I mean, I do any I'm uh I feel so bad. I uh my span of attention is is just is terrible now. I can't even think about reading a whole book. I I could listen to a book for sure as I'm doing other stuff. Creative hobbies like writing, painting, or music, or doing a podcast. Well, look, let's hope this isn't a hobby. You know what I mean? Weekend DIY passion projects, those become necessity. Frequent social dinners, I mean, uh DIY passion project. I mean, I don't know what you're doing passionately. Um video game sessions that last hours. Well, I'm gonna keep my mouth shut on that one. But if you're playing video games for hours on end, just gonna keep my mouth shut. Hobbies parents often shift towards running, running or quick workouts, early gym workouts and sessions, podcasts and audiobooks while commuting or doing chores, of course, cooking for family. That's not a hobby. It's it's great. I love cooking for everybody, but it's not a hobby. Yard work and gardening, not a hobby. Youth sports coaching. Yeah, I'm gonna do uh I'll be coaching, I'll be coaching T-ball coming up. I can't wait. I'm psyched. I coached kickball last year. That was a lot of fun. Actually, we had a we had a good time with that. She got a kick out of it. And soccer too. I guess I coached soccer, but we had like uh professional coaches come in and and help us out with that. Walking, watching sports instead of playing them, home improvement projects done in small increments. Yep. If you go back to the DIY episode, if you're gonna start that thing, please do finish. It is not easy. Um we talked about the positive and negative resentment paths as well. So I guess look, I guess ultimately it's not a it's not always a like first of all, it shouldn't be shocking that any of this stuff is happening. That your friends can potentially change, that your hobbies can potentially change, that your you know, uh even your outlook on things. I mean, uh I was so fucking relieved that my general outlook and at times, you know, glib worldview. I still have a little bit of that, but it changed. Your purpose changes. It's you're you're you know, we you think what you want, and again, if you if you I say this, I beat the drum. If you if you don't if you don't want kids, if you can't have kids, of course you know, different situations, but you live live life how you want to live, and I think that's that's an important thing. But when you want to have kids and you do have kids, that is that becomes your purpose. That becomes your your hobby. I personally think that we indulge our kids way too much. I think we indulge our kids too much. I think we indulge our schedules too much, and I think we're there's I think it actually stems from a fear of disappointing them if I had to, if I had to paint it with a broad brush. Yeah, there are some exterior external pressures, of course, the keeping up with the Joneses we talked about in episode one of this parenting arc. But I think ultimately, I think we just don't want to disappoint our kids. There is nothing, nothing makes me happier than when I see my kids happy and doing what they want. And I get them, I make them pastina. For those of you who know what pastina is, and I rig that thing up. They have more parmesan cheese in there and butter, and it's delicious, and it's cozy. I put them on a couch, I cover them up with this 15-foot blanket, and I put the stupid Unicorn Academy on that they've seen a million times. Yeah, look it up, and they're so happy, and they're so safe and content. And there's nothing better than that for me. So as they get older, and that you know, the Unicorn Academy on Pastina turns in, I want to go to I want to go to a concert with Aurora, you know, that that's three hours away on a school night or whatever, you're gonna you're gonna drive them. You're gonna drive them to Bucks County, Pennsylvania, to that stupid fucking boy band that you thought that was dead in the water, but they're back. So I think it comes from a place, uh less of a place of anything selfish with parents. You just don't want to disappoint your kids. That's my guess. I don't know. But so much of this stuff, so much of this stuff is up for interpretation. I but I would say humbly, and and for those of you out there who are parents, existing parents, gonna be gonna be parents, new parents, I always say, give yourself a break. Make sure that you try to find find that hobby, find that really fun thing that you're doing, and I guess just do it less. All that stuff makes sense. I don't remember the last goddamn TV show or series we we didn't watch. Forget it, a movie. Take a movie as an example. I now I have to split a movie up into six or seven parts. I don't watch movies anymore. It's 22 minutes at a time, maybe, if if I'm lucky. And that's just how it is, because someone comes down, they come down out of the bath and they got their little robe and their thing and they sit on my lap. And the movie's not uh not appropriate for them to watch. Although they do watch Mad Men with me. I I don't know. Is that there are some scenes I have to whiz through. I've watched the goddamn show so many times through that I know what's coming, so I can fast forward it. But anyway, I digress. So things do change. Those those gym sessions, sometimes you scoot to the gym for 36 minutes and you get in and get out. You watch that movie, you know, uh that Leo movie that just came out. What the hell is it called? He's nominated, it's nominated. The uh Paul Thomas Anderson doesn't matter. That movie we watched in probably 10, 10 episodes. And so it's just what happens and it's okay, and it's just a new way of living, that's all. And I I wouldn't I and I wouldn't trade it for the world. I wouldn't trade it for the world. And if you can sort of tap back into that, into that person, you're still that person. You're still that person, but you're even better now because you know you're you're a kick-ass mom or dad, and you're doing your thing and you're you're trying. And it's it's fun to it's fun to think about those days throwing cocktail napkins at the at the bar. And uh I don't want to do it ever again, but uh, but it is fun to sort of wax nostalgic and and you know, think about all those those good times and those late nights, and and uh anyway. Well, listen, this was just the this is the third episode. I hope you liked it. Hope you like this little parental arc. We'll do other similar stuff like this, and I hope you got a kick out of it, a couple laughs, and as always, the fatherless cheat sheet, YouTube, fatherlesscheat sheet at gmail.com, reach out, say hello, Instagram as well, fatherless podcast, say hello, please subscribe. It does help. Tell your friends, send a clip out, see if they like it. Maybe they like the cut of my jib. I don't know. But thanks for coming, and this was the fatherless cheat.
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