The NJ DAD Podcast
The NJ Dad Podcast is where fatherhood meets humor. Join Andrew Parise for honest conversations about parenting, marriage, work, friendships, and the everyday chaos of suburban family life. Some episodes are solo, some feature guests, but they’re all built around one idea: being a better dad doesn’t mean taking yourself too seriously. Whether you’re changing diapers, coaching Little League, navigating date night, or just trying to survive another trip to Costco, you’ll find relatable stories, practical perspective, and plenty of laughs along the way. New episodes every Thursday.
The NJ DAD Podcast
D.I.Y as a Dad: Duck Tape and Bubblegum
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SPEAKER_02These are real life skills that it's a real benefit to be able to do. And again, if you can't do these things, don't be hard on yourself. You could definitely learn to do some of these smaller things. And with those larger things, just escalate it and just kick it up to someone who knows what they're doing. Hey, welcome to the fatherless cheat sheet. I'm Andrew, your friend, your fatherless friend, your buddy. Today, I'm your DIY daddy o. We're doing DIY today. Now, I was going to have somebody come on about DIY, contractor, your Rick from Missouri with the YouTube channel that everybody loves. And I thought to myself, yeah, I'll do that eventually. I thought to myself, this is a much better way to convey the true DIY that I've been living for the last 25 or so years. And I want to first say that I'm not an expert. You want to take my advice, that's great. You're going to sit there and say, you're wrong about this, you're wrong about that. I don't care because it's worked for me. I made one comment about a bandsaw around the Christmas tree stump, and you would have thought I was a flat earther. What I meant to say was a handsaw. Because when you're sitting here by yourself for 45 minutes talking to a goddamn camera, once in a while you make a flub that you don't fix in editing. Shout out, EJ. The thing is this, don't break my chops about this. You don't like the information, turn it off. Now, my friends, family, and listeners, I'm not coming at you. I'm just coming at that person. I'm coming at the, you know, Dark Knight 67, whomever, who's sitting there and he can't wait for somebody to make a mistake so he could thumbs down it and he could attack it. Because the comment section and the thumbs down of it all is the world of the disenfranchised, and that's all the power that they have. And that is what it is, and I get it. So you want to thumbs me down, that's fine. I am not saying I'm an expert. This is all from my experience. One day I'll have Rick from Missouri on, who's the expert, or one of the guys from this old house, which I love that show. But for now, we're gonna talk a little bit about DIY, bubblegum and a prayer, duct tape and hopes and dreams, and how I've done it over the years because it is a metaphor for the life I've lived and just hoping the damn thing gets done by any means necessary. Because a lot of times DIY is survival. You you you either you're gonna have that leak because it's a Saturday night around the holidays, and you can't get anybody to come to the house for less than $1,000. So you gotta do that bitch yourself. Okay, so that's what we're doing today, and I hope you enjoy it. So let's give it a shot on the fatherless cheat cheat. Check it out. Okay, we're back. I've calmed down now. I started out a little hot. A little hot because DIY is personal to me. DIY has been a place of survival and control and just doing things out of my comfort zone for such a long time out of absolute necessity. I think the first DIY thing I ever did was uh I was a little I was a little kid and my mom still brings it up and part of the fridge broke. I was like seven years old and the fridge fell, the little shelf clip thing, and I walked in to my block set and I grabbed a block and I just propped it up and the damn thing it fixed. Now, for the next nine years or however long we were there, was it ugly to stare at this block that was in there? Yeah. Did I get the job done? Sure, the milk didn't spill. That's pretty much the best metaphor I could think of for my methods of DIY. My wife often says I Andrewed it, which I take as a compliment, kind of backhanded compliment. But it's just a matter of by any means necessary, as I say, often getting the job done, getting the thing done. So we're gonna talk a bit about that today. And I'm also gonna give you just my things to do, things not to do, things that you m really should have, whether you live in a home or an apartment or things like that, and talk about navigating one of my favorite places to visit, the Home Depot. Because I mean that. I'm not being erotic. Once in a blue, I'll go to the depot when I don't even have anything to buy. I guess it's better than and more healthy than sitting at a bar stool by yourself. So I'll do that from time to time. Sometimes I overshare, but anyway.
SPEAKER_01So here we go. A little bit about my my past.
SPEAKER_02I'll give you some little DIYs that I've done. I've done over the years. Well, let's let's work backwards. I just put a new floor in my kitchen and bathroom, my downstairs bathroom. New toilet, new sink, new trim all around. And it it really kind of transformed everything and it made it look great, and it made my wife happy, made me happy. And it just sometimes when you're able to do stuff like that, especially by yourself, it saves money and it gives you a real sense of accomplishment. And you can't believe what the the actual feel of doing something like that is. After you're done, you go, wow, it just feels better to be in this room. So I don't know what that is. I'm sure there's some psychological thing to it, but it's just a nicer environment to be in when you could freshen something up like that. So I've done that. I put all those like wood, faux wood tile floors in my home. I put fences in my yard. I've done I've done all those things. Light plumbing, light electric, painting, obviously, and things like that. Some some stuff that I would say who I called the professionals in for. I told a story a little while back about the guy from the the number one guy from the number two business. If you've been listening that long, we had a real big problem with the main line, the main sewage line in the house. You had to come in and and do a number on on that and unclog it. And it was just a he was a real character and it's a funny story. I won't retell it, but when it gets to that point, you really you can't manage it yourself. Something like that, I called somebody in. Another very, very sad story because of of what it was, my very lovely and amazing dog, Louisiana. She died a week before no, one month before my first child was born. And the last weekend we had her, we had a major plumbing issue in that downstairs bathroom. Not a, not something I couldn't handle. I I had to handle it, but it required cutting pipe and and doing all the stuff that I was not comfortable with. And I wound up getting some good insight from one of the guys at a local hardware store who really kind of helped me. And I figured it out. And I just kind of sticks out because of of what that weekend was and how hard that weekend was, because it was the last weekend we had with Louisiana, who was very special to me. And I was fixing the damn sink. But that's what happens sometimes. When when it rains, it pours, as they say, and it was just one of those kind of weekends. But recently, as a as of last summer or so, something I did have to call in the pros. So a leak. And then you get up, you get up on the little side roof there, and you start peeling the layers back, and you go, Oh, I can maybe fix this, and you go, uh, nope, you can't. And then we had to get the roof replaced. So there are certain things you just can't do yourself. Boiler replacement, um, hot water heater replacement. Some people might be able to do that. I'm sure hot shots are out there saying I could do all that. Good. I'm very happy for you. I really am. And maybe I'll call you the next time I need your help. But we're talking about just small DIY jobs that can some putty and some screws. That's all we're doing today.
SPEAKER_01Now, gave you a little bit of those. Let's talk about Home Depot for a second.
SPEAKER_02Why do I love Home Depot so much? I don't know. Maybe it's a a little bit of like uh the Stockholm syndrome. You start to you start to get familiar and l uh lovey-dovey with your with your uh kidnapper or abductor. What is that horrible thing? And I guess over the years I had to do so much, first with my my mom's house and then our our home and different things, uh, you know, when we were at the apartment, whatever. Um you have to do certain things, and after a while, you just kind of you buy into the thing that it is, and then you start to get better at it and and you start to enjoy it for what that is and going there and things like that. And you start to get used to the system and the framework and where things are. And a little tidbit or a little helpful hint, what I do is I will when I have time, because I have time and preparation comes into the conversation later, but when I have time, I will make a cart online. I'm again, I'm not giving you any information that anybody else wouldn't give you, but I cart everything online. I sort of do a plan of attack, and Home Depot does a really good job of telling you exactly which bay and which which aisle and then which bay the actual product is in, uh, down to the skew. It's very helpful. I'm sure Lowe's and these other places do it. But I go to Home Depot. So I have no partnership with them. Maybe someday, I don't know. But that's that's my point. I think it's a very intuitive, very good system. And uh I've found that people at Home Depot are somewhat helpful. I the paint lady at my Home Depot is phenomenal. I know all the names of her cats. She's great and she's very helpful and kind, and she's been there for years. So you do get those really great people that are that lean in and help you out. But um so that's just a little navigating the depot. And like I said, when you get more familiar with some of these things you need, but the casual I'm very novice, but a little more than a little more than casual, I would say, with all this DIY stuff. I think what we're talking about today is very high-level flashlight and duct tape, things like that. You'll it'll all come together in a little bit for you. Let's see. And what's if you have access to a local mom and pop hardware store, which I do as well, oftentimes that's a great place, a great resource to go because they can take a little more time with you and sort of you get to know the people a little bit more. There's not as many people there at all times as a as a big box store like the Depots, like the Lowe's. Again, it's there's nothing bad about either one of those things. It just depends on what your needs are, what your timing is, and what they can help you with in the moment, because at the end of the day, the biggest thing is just is solving that problem. So let's go to let's go to five things you really you really should have. Five things that you really should have. Is it f do I have five? I'm always with the fives. Let's start here. This is a one of the things, but there are a lot of things on this on in this piece here. So the basics, okay? If you're in an apartment, and your apartment's a little bit different. An apartment, you want to be able to do sort of what you're allowed to do within the rules, especially if your landlord is not particularly uh responsive to you. And that's a that's a big thing. You don't want to have to wait if something, if you're you just need to replace the light bulb in the in the fridge or something like that. So you should know how to do a a couple of these small things. But this kind of goes the same for both. It's a basics kit. You want to have you want to have a hammer, a screwdriver, obviously, duct tape, flashlight, measuring tape is always helpful. Wall hanging stuff, crazy glue, um, just just stuff to get you by. You know, if your if your frame falls out of the wall, you want to be able to put the thing back. You know, uh whether it's spackle, you make a little hole in the wall and you want to do that. Now, homeownership is a little bit escalated. Homeownership is it is the metaphor for life because it's whack-a-mole. Once you solve one problem, you have another one the next week, and you have to keep doing it and fixing it, and and you you're never you're never done. It it's never over, which is a good thing because you don't want it to be over because it's your home and it's you're using it. It's wearing there. It just it's life. It's life, especially with kids and and dogs, as I have something's always breaking, ripping, cutting, whatever the thing is. So you want to have that basics kit. Again, just a simple hammer screwdriver. What what the cool thing is, they they sell these little kits now with these mini screwdriver sets. They have they have everything. They have everything. I'm sure that they have on Amazon at this very moment, you can plug in basics tools go. And within two and a half hours, whoever is gonna drop off that thing to you, and then you'll have it as a just in case. Let's see. Okay, uh, we're gonna go next. Sharp stuff, be careful with this one. But you do, you want good scissors, scissors that can actually handle some wear and tear. You want box cutters to get stuff open, break stuff down. You want all that stuff. You don't want to have to struggle. It's just easier. Again, I posted something on social media last week about when I whenever I open anything, including cereal boxes, groceries, it looks like a damn bear cub broke into the campsite and was just beating the hell out of all the food. So it's good, be be exact if you can. I can do much better as a digression, I could do much better with organization. I can, my tools, everything's a mess, and that's one of my biggest um faux pas with all of this is that I have a lot of good stuff over the years. I've accumulated a lot accumulated a lot of things, but it's all kind of a mess right now, and that's my fault. Um the next one is a game plan and patience. I usually have a game plan. My patience is is getting much better. It's getting much better over the years, and it actually makes a huge, huge difference within the scope of the project because if you're, I mean, if you're just blowing up at every little hiccup, you're not gonna fix that thing very quickly or immediately, and you're just gonna get stuck sort of in in limbo with that. So if you can, make sure you have that uh patience and and time to spend with it. Next thing to have a guy. Have a guy or a gal, whatever. Have a guy who's trustworthy, who you can call in, who's reliable, other people have used this person. And when you just when you have to escalate that thing, when you just can't handle it, and you just want him to show up. So have a guy that you can trust who shows up, who returns your call, and will get the work done when you need it done, obviously within reason. And a lot of the stuff I'm talking about is not like the a big renovation or the a big, big project, but that that is well. But we're talking like in the pinch survival mode, which is what we talk about that a lot on the show, survival mode. So how do you get get that thing done and get that guy there? Especially if you're talking like a big plumbing issue or a big, a big heat or or cooling issue. You know, it's the middle of the it's the middle of the winter time, and God forbid someone's heat goes out. We just got a new boiler a few years ago, and it was it was like late October, early November, and I I kind of saw the thing was on his last legs, and I said, All right, let's get ahead of this, because that's the last thing you want. So you just want that person to be reliable, be able to show up. Study and play.
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SPEAKER_01Okay. Five things to do.
SPEAKER_02Now we've talked about five things to have. We'll talk about five things to do. Again, I think there are five. I'm not sure. Just bear with me. Buy the right tools. I just mentioned that. And I'm not just I'm not just meaning the the correct tools, I'm talking make sure you buy decent stuff. And sometimes you pay an extra $3 and the thing is really that much better. So have have an idea. Also, when you when you buy the right tools, when you have the right tools, it makes the job completely easier and faster. And you you can't even imagine the difference when you just have that thing as the asset that's going to save you the time. Instead of as an example, there's something one of my favorite tools is called a multi-tool. And um I've probably been referred to as that before, a multi-tool. Anyway, and it just it it does a lot of cutting at weird angles and things like that. You could use it for baseboards, and and when I put my flooring in, it was so helpful and it saved me uh legitimately hours and hours of time trouble and actually pulling those baseboards off. So that was a great investment. And obviously do your research and due diligence if you're gonna spend a little cash on tools, but stuff like that is really important. Let's see. Uh game plan to some degree, it'll save you time. Uh do the steps in order if you can. I I'm not being facetious about that. I mean that. Really, do the steps in order. I can't tell you how many things, even pieces of furniture, pieces of cabinets I put together that I had to then take apart because I screwed something up. So try to do it in order. I'm lucky enough. Well, I'm lucky enough because I have a wonderful wife, but she's really good at the directions. So she kind of says, okay, do this, do this, do this, and then we kind of work together and make that work, make that happen.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_02Don't start, don't even attempt it unless you know you're going to finish it. The last thing that you want to do is live with this half done project for whenever amount of time. The thing is, it's just, it's like you're like cavities. They fester, they get worse and worse and worse. You're looking at this thing that's not done. It's never going to get done. And you just you don't even want to look at this anymore. And you can't believe that you started this albatross of a project. So really be confident in knowing that you're going to finish this thing. Please, if you listen to anything I say, that's one of the biggest ones. Don't start it unless you're going to finish the thing, really. To that end. If you start it and you're gonna finish, things are going great, leave yourself a little time to clean up, whether it's the end of day one or it's the end of the end. I know personally I get, I mean, you get tired. You just at a certain point, you get really tired, and then like, I'm cooked, I'm done. I can't even, and then you're leaving stuff outside. It's gonna rain or whatever the thing is, you just want to make sure that you you put that little cushion towards the end of that project to really just put stuff away, even if you're just throwing it under the rug or in the basement, whatever it is for another day to organize. I'm not saying it has to be perfect, but you just want to make sure that stuff, especially the sharp stuff, especially that those big tools, machinery, cleaning up some of those screws and sharp stuff that could hurt the kids or the animals. You want that stuff, or you you come downstairs and and get a you know a drink at midnight. You don't want to step on a a screw that you were that you dropped, that you remember you dropped at four o'clock in the afternoon. Let's see. This is again, this is probably the second most important thing that I'll say. Know your ceiling. Know your ceiling. I don't mean the one above your head. I mean the metaphorical ceiling. Do not bite off more than you could chew. Don't do it. If you have no experience whatsoever, I'm not talking about putting up a frame. I'm talking about even something as which I've done, but it's not totally easy, putting in a new faucet in your sink. There's drains involved and this and that. You don't want to make the problem bigger than it than it was. So now I'm talking a little bit out of both sides of my mouth because how are you gonna know if you don't kind of just dive in and see and say, hey, I'm I'm just gonna give this a shot here. Now you can do that, but if you really feel out of your element and out of your league with it, just don't don't even try. Call that guy or the gal who I was talking about, just do that and and they'll help you out. Okay. Oh, five things not to do. Bite off more than you can chew than you can chew. Bite off more than you can chew. Don't do that. So kind of piggybacking on know your ceiling. Trust your gut. If you feel like hell, I'm just not feeling great about this. Don't do it. Don't bother. Please don't. Especially major electric, major plumbing, heights and roof. Guys, stay off. Stay off of the roof. Stay off of the roof. The gutters. Once in a while, I'll go up on a ladder. Once in a while, not a big one, like a like an eight, nine foot ladder. That's it. That's as high as I'll go. It's not necessary. Don't do it. Don't do it. Um again, uh protect yourself with clothing. I wear ear stuff. I I'm being a little bit of a hypocrite. I never do the ear stuff. I usually have earbuds in anyway. But I I wear I remember I I was this is a little different, but I was doing I was doing the weed whacking in shorts, and I went uh to uh to an appointment and my legs were out and the doctor was like, what the hell h I the doctor thought I had like bug bites or something like that. It was all the shrapnel, the stuff that was coming up off the rocks and stuff, because it was I was just peppered with you know little bloody whatevers, and uh I should have I should have had pants on. So and you can really, especially with landscaping, stuff can or or cutting, stuff can shoot in your eye very easily. So just wear some protective gear, protective glasses, and stuff like that.
SPEAKER_01Uh oh, I've done this before. We all do it.
SPEAKER_02Don't rush, don't cut major corners. We all have to we all have to do a little bit of that. Sometimes I am certain that if a real contractor took a look at two-thirds of the things I've done, they would they would say, what the hell is wrong with this guy? And I'm not not that the work is shoddy, but sometimes you just have to d do it. So but in a major way that's going to put someone in peril, let's say you're securing uh a vanity or a cabinet or something like that that you don't want to tip over, God forbid, and hurt somebody. You really want to make sure that's on there. Um, you know, plumbing, you want everything dry. If you're just putting in a new sink, which I just did, you want things as dry as a bone. You don't want to cut any corners or or or like just take any chances with that. So that's a sort of a good thing to think about. This goes for all facets of life. We just did a show about this, about advice. Don't take bad advice. Don't take bad advice, which you're out there thinking this guy, I don't know what the hell he's talking about. That's fine. But put put some things together. Get some if you're really digging into doing a couple of things here and near yourself, YouTube is the best. I I couldn't do two-thirds of what I do without YouTube. And it's so helpful. And I joke about Rick in Missouri or whoever the hell's gonna come on a show, but I've been watching this old house for years, and I've been watching YouTube clips forever, and really I'm a I'm a learner. I I learn by seeing by doing and seeing people do. And it is so very helpful to see that. And it it you can get all the good information. There's every there's so much goddamn information out there now that it's not a problem to to not take bad advice in and see how it's actually done. Don't worry about what you know, Jimmy down the street is doing. You you see smoke coming out of his garage. Don't worry about what he's doing. Take a peek on YouTube. They have all the Home Depots, all the products even have videos now, even on Amazon. So really dig in before you start the thing. Just do your research and make sure that you're really comfortable diving into that thing. It's just because it'll just be really helpful moving forward for you. Oh, I have some honorable mentions, because why not have some fun with this at the end? Honorable mentions. Make sure that when you're doing this thing, you have good music, sports radio to listen to. I could not get by without my music and my sports radio. You know, whoever Harry from Scarsdale is calling in to the to the WFAN, and I'm or I'm listening to my music, and it just gets you it gets you through the time. Unless you're really concentrating on something, but you'll judge. I'm not gonna be there with you. But if you need help, give me a buzz. I don't know, maybe I'll help you out. Um not only wear the right clothing during the thing, like making sure that you have protective gear on and stuff like that. Have uh this has always been helpful for me because I always wind up a mess, especially with outside stuff, or if it's like a sort of a dirtier job or whatever. Have clothes ready for yourself and near the shower so you can just you can take off your dirty stuff and get in a shower. Again, these are all just quick, easy things that have helped me in the past. I happen to have this, I'm very lucky. A good team, a good team around you, a good team around you to grab you beers, get a pizza, get things ready, because if you're diving into a big project, there's no time for the ancillary. And it's it's always helpful. There's no no food or cold beer tastes better than when it's just handed to you unsolicited. So get that great team around you to support you and you know, because ultimately you you're unless you're solo, which is great, you're doing it for yourself, then set yourself up. You got your six-pack and your tavala, that's fine. But I would say you're doing this for for that team. So hopefully they can reciprocate and take care of you as well with that thing. And last but not least, try to enjoy the feeling of accomplishment that comes with whatever the hell you just did. I don't care if if it's something as small as p putting a new coaxial cable in the back of the cable box or an HDMI cord, whatever the hell it is now. I probably just did it. Or a new sink, you know, a new sink in the bathroom, whatever the job is, a new frame in the in the bedroom. You you say, okay, I did that. You didn't have to call anybody. It's a good feeling. You there's something about working with your hands that's very satisfying. There's something about that feeling of accomplishment. When the job is done, you've you've solved that problem without too much expense. That's the best, of course, because if we could do it ourselves, we do it ourselves. I'll never forget. One of the things that really motivated me years ago, talking many years ago, to start to learn how to do some of this stuff was someone came to the house to fix a uh plumbing problem, quoted, quoted us $400. I told them to get out for what turned out to be a $30 fix. A $30 fix. Now, granted, you talk sweat equity, an extra two hours of your life, whatever it is, who cares? But that sort of opened my eyes a little bit because the other thing is this, and contractors have to make money, of course. Um, but they're you're paying once someone else is touching the thing and doing the thing and bringing in their own material, it's just gonna go up exponentially. And again, that has its place and that has its value. But if you can handle it yourself, which so many people do now, which is great because there are so many resources between Home Depots and the YouTubes and things like that, you can really manage the money aspect of it, which is really important, of course. But um I would say uh ultimately do it with if if you're going to go for it with some of the larger things, make sure you do your research, make sure you have a really clear-cut idea of what you want to do and how you're gonna get it done. Make sure you have all those tools. There are great resources now. Even when you buy one thing, it says usually bought with, those are great. The return policy is great with some of these places. So long as you have receipts and even the they just take the card now that you used, you can give it all back as well. So you don't even have to worry about if you're buying too much. So all of these things factor into doing things yourself, do DIY and having that sense of accomplishment, problem solving, helping your family, helping yourself if you're in an apartment, if you're a homeowner. These are these are real life skills that it's a real benefit to be able to do. And and again, if you can't do these things, don't be hard on yourself. You could definitely learn to do some of these smaller things. And with those larger things, just escalate it and just kick it up to someone who knows what they're doing. Get that person who can come in and and will charge you just an honest, honest rate. Because the people that are of value, yeah, they they're earning their money, and of course they're they're worth their time, but you want to just make sure it's a it's a good, honest rate. And that comes with just you know, speaking to other people about it and getting people have reputations, and that's it's always helpful to have those two or three people, whether it's electric plumbing, things like that, water heater people, get some get some names from people and just have those in a pinch. And and that's it. But anyway, that was this is just a couple things. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you could take some of that out and and chew on that a little bit. Uh, because definitely, if anything, this is one of the the bigger things in the fatherless cheat sheet that you can sort of fill out your book with. And I hope that helped. I hope you enjoyed it. And we'll see you next time on the fatherless cheat sheet.
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