OUT ON THE TOWN

When was the last time you had a real night out?

In this episode, Andrew talks about why dads need an occasional escape, the guilt that somehow comes with it, and why getting together with friends can actually make you a better husband and father.

From planning the night to the inevitable texts home and the next morning’s responsibilities, it’s a funny look at what “going out” means once you’re raising a family.

Pour yourself a drink, settle in, and enjoy Episode 43 of the New Jersey Dad Podcast.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

It's also a fairly new, fresh group, meaning everybody's on their best behavior for now. I'm not saying that in a negative way, but people are picking up rounds and this and that. Hey, get to know me for another five years. Let's see if you're still buying my uh Buffalo Trace on the Rocks, but I do appreciate it, guys. Hey, welcome to NJ Dad Podcast. I am Andrew, your host, your buddy, your NJ Dad, your New Jersey dad sitting in the shed, shooting the shit with you, trying to give you a smile, trying to make you laugh, trying to tell you a little bit something, share something with you, make your commute easier, make that laundry folding easier, that cooking, whatever the hell you're doing when you listen to me, hopefully I can make it a little bit more manageable. And that's what we're gonna try to do with this show. And strap it on, gang, because we're going out. This episode is dad's night out. Let's go, let's do it. We're gonna dig into some of the reasons why, why it's good, how I can't hang like I used to, how I like the day drink a little bit more now, as I used to shut bars down and two, three o'clock in the morning. And that's that's just not an option anymore, but maybe once or twice a year. Because it's fun to do that every once in a while, howl at the moon. Well, we'll talk about all that more on NJ Dad Podcast. So stick around and check it out. I've got a couple things to say, and I hope you're ready to go on the NJ Dad Podcast. I am ready. Remember, remember the getting ready back in the day. Some of you youngins right now maybe still do this, but one of the best parts of going out was going out, but one of my favorite parts of going out was the get ready. I love I love that. Take an hour, you have your drink, you have your shower, your music. To be honest with you, I still do it the same way. I just don't go out as much. I used to go out four or five nights a week. It was absurd. But that time, that time, the anticipation, sometimes the best thing about a trip or vacation is the lead up, right? And it's sort of the same thing sometimes with going out. We're talking about all the different places we go and the things we do to remain sane as fathers, as dads. And if you're a mom out there as a mom, mom's night out, of course, of course, mom's night out, Pinot's palette. Let's drink some white wine and try to paint. Why not? I've never been invited to one of those things. They probably know I'd probably paint something inappropriate. Although I'm such a bad painter drawer that you wouldn't be able to know what the hell it is. I'd probably draw a boat and it looks like something inappropriate or whatever. But first, before we get into some of these other things, I looked a couple things up on the internet, and we could trust it because it's from the internet. But just five quick things, five benefits of going out, five facts about going out. Not all of our benefits, but they're five facts. So here we go. Dads who have regular social time with friends report lower stress levels. That makes sense. Yeah, it's not just it's not just about escaping the household, it's just about catching up, bonding with with people who aren't shaking you down to watch more Thundermans or you know, another bowl of cereal or whatever. It's nice sometimes to just talk about anything else but your children, to be honest with you. As much as I love them, I'll say that ad nauseum. But it is nice to get off that topic sometimes. Around 70% of dads say a night out recharges them. Emotionally, maybe, but physically. My God, when I have a late one, it takes me a much longer time to recover. But yeah, I get what they're saying. About 40% of dads say they watch or talk sports when they go out. Yeah, okay. Sure. Anytime you're with dads or something, the team will come up. Knicks, world champions. How about that? That's a long, I was a long drought, 53 years. I remember when they were in the NBA championship in 99. I was literally, I just graduated high school. We were on project graduation. We were looking for a TV. But anyway, this was a lot of fun. This this Knicks, the parade was today as I record this. Parents who maintain friendships tend to have stronger mental health overall. Yeah, sure. Yeah, that makes total sense. Dads who balance social lives tend to model friendship and community more for their kids. Yeah, your kids are your kids are kind of seeing how you move about the world. I I find that a lot with even with stuff like hosting friends when they come over. You want to show them how to host people, how to treat people in your home. I think that makes a big difference in matters. So I could see the same with treating friends the right way. Calling people on their birthdays or you know, just treating them well. So all that makes a lot of sense. And um, yeah, we'll get to all that stuff and more. But I just thought I like to throw my kibbles and bits and bullshit at you to make you laugh and have some fun, but I'd like to throw some facts at at you as well. But the the the kid connection, the kid connection's a real one. I think a lot of the time now, as I have two young young girls, especially with my older daughter who just finished kindergarten today. Congratulations to her. This year went goddamn fast. Really fast. But you start to become friends with the the her their friends' parents, uh, in almost inevitably. So you you hope that there's some good people in there, and we've lucked out because there's some really great people in there, some interesting people that we like a lot and spend some time with, and you know all goes the plan. We're gonna know these people for the next 15 to 20 years, uh, you know, and then beyond who the hell knows how things do shake out. But um, you do the kid connection is real, and I went to a a dad's night out, a couple dads in town who kids go to school with my daughter, put together a you know, pretty big dad's night out. You know, there's 10, 15 guys there maybe, and a couple months ago, and then there was another second one, actually. And these guys were nice, they're great guys who put this thing together, and they were kind to do it. I don't know if I ever would have organized anything like that, because I'm a bit of a lone wolf at times, and and we'll get to this in a little bit, but when I kind of when I want to go out, I just go out. I don't I don't ever really need anybody to do that. And I also have a best friend, Dino. You've heard me talk about him, I'm sure, if you're not new to the show. But we'll have our you know, we'll we have a standing thing maybe once, maybe one and a half times a month, we'll get together. And so that that sort of recharges that thing. And I'm I'm skipping, I'm skipping along here. Jesus, stick to the script, Andrew. How dare you give the people what they want. So the dad's night out. It was great. Now, inevitably, you wind up talking about the kids and the renovation and the job, whatever. But what the fuck else are you gonna talk about? You know, that's why sometimes it is nice when you have the sports team on the TV because you can default to that. You don't always want to have to search, and and these guys are interesting guys, they're nice guys, hell, hell of a group. You don't always want to have to search and force topics to talk to people about. And there's some, let's call it what it is, there's some guys you just don't you don't connect with, and and you just kind of are stuck in the same boat, and that's okay as well, because if you're not a half an asshole, you could figure it out. And so you just have to sort of work with who you got. Now, for the big assholes out there, you know, you'd like to try to avoid them at all costs. And I think sometimes those guys may not get invited to the dad's nights. Well, thankfully, I got invited. I don't know, maybe they've had other dad's nights without me. I didn't make that that group text chain. So you never know when you're being excluded to some degree, but it but it is a good group, good group of guys. And the nicest thing about it, the best thing about it, especially I live in a smaller town, these guys, everybody's on the same page. I'm not talking about politics, this, I don't give a shit about that. Everybody is trying to do the right thing for their kids. They're trying to get out and have a drink and just relax and let, you know, let their hair down a little bit and just connect with guys and dads who are doing the exact same thing. Even though we're doing this stuff in different ways, you can still ostensibly, I guess, different ways, but who the hell knows? Everybody's doing the same thing in different ways. I say that a lot as well. So it's it is always nice to connect with those guys on that level and and just have a hang. It doesn't have to be anything too too special or too extravagant or precious. You know, we all look like the walking wounded. Everyone just looks fucking tired half the time. But that's just life. That's all. That's nothing like, oh, this is so hard. Now, if you want precious, if you want the tired dad and shit, I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna complain about that bullshit. Everybody's fucking tired, everybody has stuff going on, and you're never gonna hear me say how hard this is. I'm not. I'm not. Yeah, it's fucking hard. Who cares? Get over it, go take a nap when you can, have a drink. That's what whiskey's for, okay? That's what I'll say about that. So that's the that's the dad angle. It's also interesting when you have connections to dads, to new types of friends who you sort of didn't like you're choosing them, but you're choosing them from a pool for a reason. So people are different in that sense. It's not like Dino that I basically grew up with, similar sensibilities, similar tastes, and things, and this and that. So you have all these different guys doing all these different things with different tastes. So it's sort of interesting, even to see down to someone's drink order or how they treat a bartender, that's always fascinating to me. Now, this is a nice group, and everybody, it's a it's also a fairly new, fresh group, meaning everybody's on their best behavior for now. I'm not saying that in a negative way, but people are picking up rounds and this and that. Hey, get to know me for another five years. Let's see if you're still buying my uh Buffalo Trace on the Rocks. But I do appreciate it, guys. But, anyways, my point is that it's always an interesting dynamic with that type of group. And I hope that continues. I hope it's just a nice thing. Yeah, I'm able to walk to my town bar, which is which is also a nicety, because I'll always say it, don't drive drunk, take an Uber. If you can walk, walk, whatever, get a ride. Don't do it. But anyways, moving on. Old friends, this is good. This is a good one because we'll talk about my man Dino. Uh Dino and I, best friends, you know, we we could talk about anything. Uh we wind up sometimes we'll talk about the kids, sometimes we'll talk about family, life, work, whatever's going on. But I know that I could get him on the books, and I look forward to that. And it's it's sort of a uh, you know, we don't go too crazy. He went he went to school in Manhattan many moons ago, and I went to school up in Jersey, and I was pretty close to where he was, so I would go in and see him, and we would just go down to the to the West Village and uh East Village and every other village. We went all over the place, put it that way. And we would close things down and this and that, but not anymore. We don't do that. We you know, we meet up, we have a proper dinner, a proper meal, a couple drinks, we have we enjoy ourselves, and um uh it's the best. And to be able to have that that guy, that point man, that I know we're gonna get something on the books and look forward to that is always is always fantastic. So hopefully your listeners out there, you have that person or a couple different people. There are other people with with huge uh friend groups. I just uh I just did a rewatch to some degree. I kind of put TV on for background noise at times. I don't sit there and watch it completely all the time, but entourage. And boy, those guys are great friends, huh? I know it's written, I know it's fictional. I'm not naive, but it's still cool to see that friendship and and uh boy would I love to see it an entourage reboot with those guys with families and kids and stuff like that because I think it'd be pretty goddamn funny. But anyway, uh the solo, the solo dad night out, again, the the lone wolf as I can be from time to time I have no problem I have no problem eating alone, I have no problem drinking alone, I have no problem going out alone. In fact, I used to do it years and years ago. I I could say that with with ease. Um and when you go out to your local bar and you find that bar stool that that's yours, that you know it's yours, and there were 15 other guys here, 15 guys doing the same thing. They all look a little depleted. It's sort of like that that group dad hang, I was telling you about, but nobody knows each other, at least by sight, maybe, but nobody is looking to connect with someone else. You're not looking to have a conversation, you just want a a quiet drink, and you want to take that time for yourself. Now, you know, it used to be me. I've written some of my best jokes and best material and things like that at bars on cocktail napkins. Now everybody's got the phone, so they're looking down at the phone, and that's just fine because I do the same thing. So that keeps you company, and just to have a little bit of a change of pace, change of atmosphere is always nice. And to have that solo time, I don't know, I think it's pretty cool. I'm not talking about I'm spending all my days alone in a bar. I'm not saying that. Honestly, sometimes what happens is with certain restaurants, certain bar, I'll go to get food for everybody. You order the takeout, and you have a couple drinks while you do that. And that's enough. That's enough to plug yourself in and enjoy that. And then you can almost treat that as your own solo dad's night out when you're doing that. I have zero problem with that. Uh-da. Now, kind of bringing it back to the last two things: bars, local, local spots and bars, you know, sort of a dad-approved scene, if you will. You know the places to go. And it it's it does change with your wife, with your girlfriend, with your partner, whatever you have going on. You know, you know the spots where you're gonna have a good time. You know where you're gonna be able to relax a little bit. We have some great spots up where I live, and we know exactly where to go to do that. It's always it's always a nice thing to just go sit and have someone else bring you a drink. To just go sit and not, you know, you don't have to clean up anything. I mean, you know, that's a different conversation. Date night is a different conversation, but you know, when you're when you're going to the place, I mean, it's yours for Christ's sake, right? Everybody knows your name. You know, there's a reason that show was on the air for a billion and a half years because it's the truth, because everybody's got that that cheers in their town or or nearby. You know the bartender, you know their whole story, you know the the bartender, you know what the bartender's mother-in-law's name is. You know, how's uh how's her gout doing? How's how's Kathy's gout doing? Is it is it clearing up? What's going on with her? You know that everybody's backstory. You know, Terry walks in and he just had his his uh his card detailed because he does it every third Tuesday of the month. You just start to get to know these people. Now, I I used to bartend many moons ago, so I got more information than now. You wouldn't believe the information bartenders get, but we'll go do that a different episode. So all those data-proof places, that's always fun to think about and do. I could probably do a top five of those in my area if I'm willing to share that, maybe, maybe down the road. But lastly, to focus on are events, concerts, sports games, you baseball, yeah, Met game. God, not this year. Jesus Christ. But a football game, if you want to get bloodied in the stands, or that we get the World Cup going on right now. I've seen some of the footage of people trying to get in and out of there in metal in the metal or Met Life in Jersey. And it's just not for a million dollars, not for a million bucks. But you have those, those are big things to look forward to. Those are cool. You have that group of guys who are a bunch of smart asses, and you guys go to the Renaissance fair every year. I'm not judging it, but you're eating a turkey leg, you got the big thing, you're drinking out of the boot. I think I'm I think that's a different, that's probably October. I'm messing up my my festivals. But you have something like a you know, a whiskey and blues thing, which sounds great. I don't know if I gotta look that up. Maybe they have those. But you got those guys you go to those things with, you look forward to it. A football tailgate, whoever you like. I'm a New York football giant fan. And I remember one of the best times I had was I've been to a couple tailgates, but one, it was about six degrees out, but we still we had the absolute best time. So those are those are things that you really, those are the things that you you look forward to. You could sort of plug yourself into not necessarily your old identity, but just something you used to do when you had a little more time on your hands, and it just you just have such a great time doing it. There's a there's a freedom in that. You know, when you're not I don't know about you all, but when I'm with my wife and my children, I'm I say this, I'm not like having a great time. I don't mean it like that. What I mean is, and my wife knows what I mean, so she won't smack me that hard, but I'm always on guard. I'm always looking around, I'm clocking everybody and everything. So when my guard is up, when I'm by myself, when I'm out by myself having a good time, having some drinks with friends or whatever I'm doing at an event, you can you can absolutely let your guard down. Not that I don't care about my well-being in the group, but I just know that I I could take care of myself, I could handle myself. I'm not worried about three little women. And so it's just a different, it's a different approach. It's it's you look at the world different differently when you have that time to yourself with friends out at these events and things like that. And so, you know, you have what do you have concerts. I mean, what's better than going to a a concert somewhere like PNC down the shore in Jersey or Jones Beach and just having some drinks outside, you're with friends and the great music, and it's it's carefree. Now, when you have your children with stuff like that, all I'm doing is I'm looking around, uh, you know, I want to put a tether on the both of them to keep them close to me as as they run off like I don't know what. But it's just one of those things where when you can sort of have that time to yourself, have that dad's night out at that event, at that sports thing, at that whatever, that's uh you could really there's separation between church and state there. Yeah, you're checking in, you're saying I'm fine, I'm alive, or whatever, you're sending videos or pictures, and uh, and it's a great time. But but I tell you what, if you know, without without ruining yourself for the next day with a hangover, as I do enough, uh I do that enough, probably should do a little bit less. But you know, I I don't have a I don't have a restricted plate. Once I get cooking, once this engine gets hot, I just I can't stop myself, especially when you're having laughs and you're with good people. You just want to keep the thing going. But if you could do it and not totally ruin yourself and you can you can have have that time to yourself, of course do it. You want to make sure it it because it feeds into everything else you're doing in your household. It makes you a better guy, it makes you a better dad to be able to just go, okay, I blew off some steam, I had a good time. And don't feel any guilt about that. I mean, it depends what you're doing. It's none of my business. But my point is, is that is that I think those things, and and moms do it too, I think you just need to give yourself that time because we do give so much of ourselves to our families, and rightfully so. That's the that's the thing we signed up for. But absolutely, if you can snag that time and enjoy yourself doing it, that's great. A little harmless fun, a couple drinks with friends, never hurt anybody. And so just keep on that path, keep doing it. It's a good time. You shoot the shit, have some laughs and some fun with some familiar friends. And if you're friends with assholes, there's always a sports game on. You could just watch that and you could ignore them because you know, history is a real thing when you have history with people and you keep them around, you're not sure why. That's that's a thing too. That's a different episode. But but for now, that was that was Dad's Night Out. I hope you got a couple chuckles. I I love doing this and I hope you enjoy it too. And I'm always gonna shoot you straight and try to make you laugh. So I hope you I hope you stick with me with NJ Dad Podcast, YouTube, subscribe, Instagram, come see me on there, and say hello. Say hello, because I'll say hello back. I'll absolutely get back to you. Let's try to build the audience a little bit. I'm gonna keep doing the New Jersey dad short content, some of that silly stuff that I enjoy so much doing, and because it's fun. I get to write, I get to perform. It's a good time, and I hope you get a chuckle out of it. No big deal. So until next time, this was NJ Dad Podcast.