IN-SANITATION

Two garbage pickups a week. Recycling. Cardboard. Breaking down boxes—or apparently deciding you’re above that. And, of course, the all-important Christmas envelope.

This week on New Jersey Dad, Andrew gets into one of the unsung pillars of suburban life: sanitation.

From the unwritten rules of garbage day to appreciating the people who make sure your house doesn’t stink, it’s an 18-minute trip through one of those mundane parts of adulthood you somehow end up having very strong opinions about.

Because at some point, you stop being a kid who takes out the garbage and become a dad who knows the pickup schedule by heart.

Navigating suburban fatherhood with a wink and a whiskey.

#NewJerseyDad #DadLife #Fatherhood #SuburbanDad #ParentingHumor #NewJersey #GarbageDay #Sanitation

Transcript

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My favorite too was those early mornings when you see I do it too. You scurry out with that last bag, you see the truck coming down the block. Like I could just I could get one more bag in this truck. I could do it. I could do it. You race out there, you put it in. The pizza box is pizza box recycling? Is pizza box going in the garbage? What are we doing here? Pizza box goes in the garbage where I'm at. Now welcome to the New Jersey Dad Podcast. I am Andrew, your host. I am a New Jersey dad. I am not the New Jersey dad. I'm just a New Jersey dad sitting in a shed, shooting the shit, having a drink with you. So I appreciate you listening. Today we're talking about something completely banal, but very important. We're talking about the joys of garbage pickup, especially when it hits two days a week. I know this sounds a little absurd, but just trust me on this one. We're gonna have a good time with it. We're gonna talk about we should appreciate these guys just a little bit more, I think, and all the reasons behind that. So stick with me on the New Jersey Dad Podcast. Check it out. Welcome back to the show. We're talking sanitation, we're talking garbage pickups, recycling, we're talking chopping up those cardboard boxes. Do you do you break them down? I do sometimes. I'll stack them. I'll stack them up in each other like Metroshka dolls. You know those Russian dolls? I'll put the boxes in the box. Do you guys take the labels of your address off the boxes? I used to. Then I just got fucking lazy and I stopped doing it. I stopped doing all that stuff. But, you know, before we even get started with that, I I'm not I'm not being an asshole here. I'm a little bit of an asshole sometimes. But I have real appreciation, even reverence at times for these guys who are these unspoken heroes of certainly suburbia, but also, I mean, hell in the city. I used to grow up, I grew up in New York City, and to be honest with you, I don't care if it was like a Peloton, or it wasn't a Peloton at the time, an exercise bike at the time, or a dead body, you could put anything on the goddamn sidewalk. These guys would pick it up. Now, sanitation workers, I think they're doing pretty well. I think they make a good salary and they get good Bennies. That's great. And then they should. They absolutely should because it's a tough, it's a tough gig. First of all, the smells alone with this shit. These guys are, these guys, this guy's hanging off the back of a truck. They're not zipping around, but they're going 40, 45 miles an hour at times. This guy's hanging off the back of the truck like he's on a goddamn carousel, doing fine. And so I've always had appreciation for these guys because if you think about it, think about this, the the abject misery our lives would be if we didn't have it so easy with these pickups, with getting rid of the shit. Do yourself a favor, make some chicken thighs, take the container, the cardboard, the styrofoam, put it in a bag, put some of the carcasses in there, wrap it up, put it in your your garbage pail in mid-July, and just leave it there for a day and go out and smell it. That's why we get two garbage pickups starting in May, which just happened, which I was absolutely thrilled with. And again, I know, Andrew, what the hell are you talking about? This is a ridiculous topic. No, it's not. This is a topic that impacts all of us every day. I find fascinating the specials on, especially New York City, what the hell they do. How the hell do they pick up all this stuff? Where does it go? Mostly went to Staten Island. I don't know if that's a thing anymore, but I know they sort of process it. It goes upstate. It's so goddamn fascinating. It affects our lives, it impacts our lives every day. And I just wanted to talk about it because I think it it actually deserves, it should get the credence of at least a 20-minute conversation, which is how long this will be. And I want to, I just want to say for the whoever the hell's listening, I really do appreciate these guys. I'm a guy, and I'm not saying it like for credit or whatever. I'm a guy that tips the sanitation workers every Christmas. I think it's important. I think it's very important because it's not, you know, I'm not changing their world with what I give them, but it's an acknowledgement. It's an acknowledgement of appreciation for handling the absolute shit. And I gotta say, my household, I got a lot of mouths and a lot of booties in this house, including two dogs. And boy, do we make a lot of goddamn garbage. We make so much, it's like almost embarrassing the amount of garbage we make. And so, could we cook a lot and this and that? And I just I can't even believe it. I mean, if it were a friggin' Olympic sport, I think we'd be competing with somebody at least. Um, we they may have to bump us to the you know the commercial level. But getting back to it, when that you mean wherever the hell you live, and sorry for the goddamn landscapers, they're always working, they're always doing their thing. Shout out, landscapers, because they do make your life easier, except right now, when all I can hear is the buzzing. I'm I'm hoping that you're not hearing buzzing. We'll see. We'll take care of it and we'll take care of that in post, as they say. But when that that municipal calendar comes out for the year, and you get that, you get that list, you're like, oh, just waiting on that two pickup, two garbage pickup, two pickups during the holidays, the recycling day, and and then so on and so forth. The bulky waste. Do you guys have bulky waste out there? My bulky waists, uh I've had impressive, impressive bulky waste days. Just and the bulky waste comes around and you you stack that stuff up, and it looks like it looks like you you just did a full clean out. It looks like you're moving. And then what I do, because I'm a nervous, I'm a nervous one with this stuff, not nervous, but you know, I I know how to put a a ring of anxiety on anything. So I'm looking out the window the next morning at like 6.12, going, oh shit, boy, are these guys gonna take this stuff? I sure hope they do. I really hope they do. And you know what? They always do. Because you know why? Because I tip them at Christmas. I mean, Jesus Christ, it could be, you know, there's duality in in why you do things. You know, you greasy, you grease the wheel a little bit. But these guys are great. For the most part, they take all that bulky way stuff. And in terms of, you know, and where I live and I we love where we live, it's wonderful. At times it could be you have to follow some guidelines. It has to be very specific. They're not gonna take metal with bulky and this and that, it's a little specific, but you you do it. You do it, you follow the rules because you're part of a system, and it all works out. But in terms of in terms of the sheer benefits of of having the two pick up and my complete reverence for it, it's as a as a dad, especially, I mean, honestly, I'm gonna just put it out there. My wife does so much, she does so much, she really does, around the house, the girls, whatever. I'm not sure if she's taken the garbage out two times since we've been married. And that's okay because I've taken on that role. You take the garbage out. She didn't have to tell me to take the garbage out, you take it out. I always also like to be, I look around, I compete almost. I look down the street, I look the other way, who's taking the garbage pail out first. You don't want to do it too early, because then, you know, your garbage can be out there at two o'clock on a Sunday. Nobody wants that. Nobody wants to stare at this thing or God forbid smell it. But for the most part, I think many times, I'm not making a generalization, but I think dads, I don't know, I see more dads taking out pails than moms. And so it's sort of like a dad thing, maybe. I think so. Yeah, I'm gonna put my stamp of yes on that. So it's just a thing we do. You take the pail out, you take the pail in. My favorite too was those early mornings when you see, I do it too. You scurry out with that last bag, you see the truck coming down the block. Like, I could just I could get one more bag in this truck. I could do it. I could do it. You race out, do you put it in the pizza box? Is pizza box recycling? Is pizza box going in the garbage? What are we doing here? Pizza box goes in the garbage where I'm at. Now, the pizza box, do you clean the paper out of the pizza box? Do you make sure the crumbs are out of there before you put it in the thing? What do you do? Do I overthink this? Maybe so. Probably, right? Now, the other thing is this. What I like to do, again, I'm never gonna tell you what to do. Right around now, right around when that toot garbage pickup starts and that winter's over, you gotta wash those pails, right? You gotta get that outdoor bleach, and you gotta get those pails defunct because no matter what happens, I have those big monster pails, good ones. I think my pails might be bigger than I'm gonna get myself in trouble in this town. My pails might be a little hair bigger than you're supposed to have, I think. But Jesus, I have two of them. So if if I had like smaller pails that didn't fit stuff, I I don't know what the hell I would do. But I digress. So this time of year, you clean those pails out, you get them ready for the those things are like Clydesdales lined up out in front of the house two days a week. You keep that garbage from rotting and getting crappy. And then they're my guys. I see them, I see the guys every week. And the girls that pop in the window, they're looking at them, and they give a big wave and a big honk and the toot-toot. And it's I've had the same garbage men, the same sanitation workers for Jesus, I don't know, uh, probably hell a decade or something like that. And you kind of get to know these guys a little bit, you know. There's one one dude in a bucket hat, he's wild. He looks like he, I don't know, they're wiry, they're fit, they're moving around. These guys have sort of a wild life. It's interesting. Maybe someday I'll get some one of these guys or somebody into uh chat with about it. Because it's sort of a fascinating thing. And again, I mean, believe me, I'm not I'm not like gonna go go become a sanitation worker. I think I'm past my prime. I'd probably retire by now at my age. I don't know when that they retire, but it's an interesting, it's an interesting path, and it's an interesting uh position filled that we completely overlook. You know, all the jobs create, all like the unspoken people out there that we just kind of we do take their roles for granted. You know what I mean? I think people probably, if anything, they're they get stuck behind a garbage truck and they're ready to just take the guy out who's hanging off the side of the truck because they have to, you know, they have to get the dairy queen to get their shithead kid a a you know, a cup of whatever the hell. But yeah, it's a it's definitely a I feel like more of a an interactive thing in the in the suburbs where I'm in in North Jersey. In the city, I mean, these guys that you you know, you don't you don't even you barely see those guys because they I think they get out there so goddamn early. But in terms of in terms of recycling as well, some of the best days, the banner days is, and maybe you you guys understand what I mean by this, but the purge of garbage out, recycling out, boxes out all in the same day, and then your your front lawn is left clean and it's all taken care of and taken away, and you just can kind of take that stuff back and put it back and and I don't know, just take a sigh of relief. I sound probably crazy right now, but I mean everything I'm saying. I really do. It is just a wild, it's a wild sort of the the height of mundane suburban dad culture. But the it's all a thing. You're seeing your neighbor get, like I said, with that garbage, that garbage bag last minute. The other day, cardboard, last minute. I see him, him and I walking out and basically our skivvies to take that last box out there because we don't want to look at it in the goddamn hallway anymore. So we take the box, get rid of this shit. I don't want to see this anymore. So it's I don't know, it's just one of those funny things. It's one of those fun things that I talk about with my wife all the time. And it's almost like you know how a kid is obsessed with you know fire trucks and shit to some degree. My I I think about this stuff. Where do they take it? Where does it go? Where's the bulky waste go? Why am I separating metal? Probably because they're selling it, I would think, for scraps. Pound for pound, that makes sense. Where does the recycling go? Do they actually recycle it? Do they just throw it in a dump? I don't know. I I would love answers to these questions. I'm just again, I'm just talking to myself in a goddamn shed, which I'll say over and over again. But it's just one of those things that that it just kind of gets done and we don't really think about it. But it's also, I don't know, it's part of the public service, I guess, right? I'm not gonna, I'm not a fucking garbage historian. I'm not gonna go back in time. There are documentaries for that as well. I used to watch the I love New York City. I grew up there and I love it. I love the history of it. And I saw years and years and years ago, we're talking like gangs in New York shit. Something about the sanitation. Oh, that same one I was talking about before. And they used to, they would say, well, there was there was the the streets would streets runneth with human waste, the lobster shells, and and you know, corpses. Sounds like a good time, actually. But yeah, people would just take their fucking lobster shells, because lobster, I guess, was so readily available. The streets were lousy with human fecal matter and lobster shells, which is, I guess, one was the cause of the other. But it was sort of an interesting thing. And then how things progressed, and we now have the infrastructure of the sanitation that we have. So, you know, it's just it's just hysterical to me. The different the different fun that we have in my house, just with the between the girls waving to the garbage men, me racing those pails out, being happy about the two pickups a week. I mean, it's just the little things that make you laugh and and you have fun with as a as a dad and the burbs and all these things, these different, these different sort of uh silly, silly manifestations of life and and how you just sort of plug it away and then try to find a way to enjoy it. And that's just one of them. I mean, it's so silly, it's so funny, but it's serious at the same time. I mean when you think about the the fact of disgusting garbage piling up, making you sick, smelling like shit, and but but then also you sort of take these guys for granted. So I guess my point is next time you see these guys, give them a wave. You get stuck behind them and you're and you think about if you're wafting that into your car, you're stuck behind a big garbage truck. Imagine how that cat feels hanging off the back of that goddamn thing. So give these guys a break. If it doesn't break the bank, maybe give them a tip at Christmas, wouldn't kill you. I don't know. But ultimately, just uh be appreciative of these guys because they do do a huge service for us uh up here in the burbs, especially. And it's you know, it's all it's all fun in games, especially when some of these guys, these guys who I see, these sanitation workers, they don't ever not have a smile on their face. They have a good crew. You could you could sort of feel the camaraderie of these guys, and they seem to have a great time. There's a pep in their step, they're jumping off the truck, they're throwing these bags in there like they're throwing, you know, fucking bags of rice or sandbags and wartime, and they're just having it, they're having a seem to have a good time doing it. And boy, do I hope these guys get paid well. I have no idea the pay structure. I hope they have ironclad bennies. They've been doing it for a long time. The guys that I see, I think New York City, they do get paid pretty well. But I would say next time you see one of these guys or gals, certainly, you know, just give them a wave. You don't need to, you don't need to patronize them, but just give them a wave and a smile and and and a and a thank you, because they can't hear you over anything. You know, those trucks are so goddamn loud. But anyway, you know, get those pals out on time, enjoy it. And I would say this much the New Jersey Dad podcast, stick with me. We're gonna find our way. It's gonna be a lot of fun. We're gonna talk about this stuff, we'll talk about more hard-hitting stuff, but for the most part, it's just gonna be a drink and a smile. And you can subscribe on YouTube, definitely helps. Instagram, find me on Instagram, say hello, follow, check out some of the New Jersey Dad silly little skits that I do. It's just fun, a fun way to write and perform. And until then, this was the New Jersey Dad Podcast. I'll see you next time.