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Join Llewyn, Taylor, and Travis, a trio of nerdy adults, as they spend way too much time and energy on exploring the lore of Dungeons and Dragons. Listen and laugh with them as they are way too excited about DnD for adults and that's okay!
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101: Keeping Up With the Kobolds
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Is this our most requested episode yet? Maybe so! This week, Taylor tells us all about the history of the kobolds, and even manages to discuss some of the complexities of their society. We may convert Travis yet!
Editor's Note: The audio is better but still not 100%. Please have patience with us as we learn this entirely new system.
You the adventurer. Yes, you. Do you desire knowledge of immense worlds in arcane power? Codex of untold stories and all simply easy listening for your daily commute. More accurately. Yes. It's about to get nerdy in here.
SPEAKER_05And I'm Travis Peasley.
SPEAKER_01And everything happens so much guys.
SPEAKER_05Oh my god. Oh my god. Okay, so at this point, I'm kind of just hoping that the audio is good.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_05Because we're just gonna sit here and record for about an hour, and we're just gonna fucking see what happens.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, like we got two out of the three new mics set up. Yeah. The third one isn't set up because the cord is apparently busted on it.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, which it was fine when we bought it, and now it's not not. So it's like it's whatever. It was like five dollars, but still.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, cord is cheap.
SPEAKER_01Cheap replacement. Not not ideal.
SPEAKER_05So we're at like a two-thirds setup. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01So yeah, and there's also a cat.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, decided that he is liquid now, and doors will not stop him.
SPEAKER_01He literally was sat there for a while while we were setting everything up, like you know, crying and screaming and crying some more and scratching at the door, sticking his paws under, and he literally just like flattens himself and just summon through the door the door.
SPEAKER_02And I didn't even think he would be able to. So like Aries is in here.
SPEAKER_01And also, like we had one of those like like TV show moments where like like earlier when he was making a fuss, Travis was like, Oh well, he's too fat to the door.
SPEAKER_02And apparently I was wrong.
SPEAKER_05I'm telling you, it's not it's not fat. It well, I mean it's a little bit of baby fat, plus so much fluff.
SPEAKER_02It it it must just be a lot of fluff because he should not have been able to do that, and yet here we are. And so he is. I don't know where he went.
SPEAKER_05He's next to me.
SPEAKER_02Okay.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, no, he's just chilling the case.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, he's he's he's vibing for now.
SPEAKER_05He is vibing.
SPEAKER_02New uh setup and a cat in the room for the first time.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, while recording. This is not typically allowed, but whatever.
SPEAKER_01But I mean, there seems to be literally nothing we can do about it.
SPEAKER_02So yeah, I'll have to try to figure out how to fix that later.
SPEAKER_05Well, for our uh uh 101st episode.
unknownWoo!
SPEAKER_01Season two, I guess. Well, I mean, we haven't actually officially made seasons. Yeah, so it doesn't really matter.
SPEAKER_05But all one everlasting season. Regardless, we have got two-thirds of our new audio setup.
SPEAKER_01And also a bonus cap.
SPEAKER_05And I figured what better way to uh you know start off the new hundred, I guess, is by doing perhaps our most requested episode at this point.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, it's yeah, it's been highly requested. Are we finally gonna get to do an episode in ASMR?
unknownNo.
SPEAKER_02No. That has not been requested even once. Except by Lewin. Except by Lewin. Hey. You're the co-host, it doesn't really count.
SPEAKER_01Oh. Wait, don't we do our okay, but like when we electively choose our topics that have not been requested by anyone because we want to do them, isn't that us answering our own requests?
SPEAKER_05No, it's kind of just order of listen, I'm gonna call us all out here. It's order of easiest to research.
SPEAKER_01No, not at all. Or mo or most interesting to research. I mean, yeah. But like from a listener's perspective, wouldn't it be like they're gonna request the things that they're most interested to learn about? And so we I'm not getting into this request ourselves of ourselves. Nope, we're done. Going for it.
SPEAKER_05I want to do an ASMR episode. Cobalt!
SPEAKER_02Woo! I um time to get to the spicy lizard boys. Yeah.
SPEAKER_05Actually, all lizard boys are spicy.
SPEAKER_01I uh we've we've definitely uh covered a lot of spicy lizards.
SPEAKER_05We're we'll revisit that.
SPEAKER_01Okay. What, the ASMR or no. Okay, gotcha. Um I'll get y'all.
SPEAKER_05Like usual, we're gonna go over the real world influence first.
SPEAKER_01Nice.
SPEAKER_05Kobolds originally come from Germanic folklore and mythology.
SPEAKER_01Nice.
SPEAKER_05Kobolds are types of sprites, which are small supernatural beings like fairies, pixies, brownies, dwarves, etc.
SPEAKER_02Uh huh. I didn't actually know that that was a thing, that they were sprites. Interesting.
SPEAKER_05The precise origins and timeline of origins is disputed, as it's unknown if kobolds influenced the Scottish, Irish, and Scandinavians for the brownie, fairy, and Nis uh, respectively, or if those influenced the Germanic people for the kobolds.
SPEAKER_01So it's kind of uh what came first, the chicken or the egg.
SPEAKER_05Yes. Um, basically it's uh one guy will say, Oh no, the kobolds came first, and the guy, other guys, like, you are obviously biased because you have a doctorate in Germanic folklore. You can't comment on this unless you have evidence. Like, literally, that's what I was reading was a dispute that basically suffered.
SPEAKER_01I love, I love uncovering um disputes in like anthropological like communities, like about some people who are really pissed off about um like the the draconian being uh associated with Tiamat. It's just it's so funny to me. Like, give me, like, I don't I don't even know what's going on, but like gimme the tea.
SPEAKER_05Regardless, they have much in common with these in more European stories.
SPEAKER_01Nice.
SPEAKER_05Uh, religious historians have suggested that cobalt beliefs derive from pagan traditions of worshiping household deities that live in the hearth fire.
SPEAKER_01Nice.
SPEAKER_05Alternatively, the earliest cobals were thought to be tree spirits. It's kind of like a are they related? Do they just happen to have similar names? Are are they the same thing? Did they evolve? It's kind of unknown.
SPEAKER_02Well, yeah, when they hit level 21, they evolve into their next form.
SPEAKER_04Swid.
SPEAKER_05God. Um medieval Germans uh carved kobolds from boxwood, wax, and mandrake root and put them up in the room for fun. That's a direct quote.
SPEAKER_01Um, that's such not that kind. Up in the room, like that is not that is not where I was going, actually, even a little bit.
SPEAKER_05Okay, well that's good.
SPEAKER_02So they just used them for decoration.
SPEAKER_01But basically, but that that phrasing for that's like how I put like art prints that I buy of dragons.
SPEAKER_05Put them up in the room for fun.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_05Um people believed that the wild kobold would remain in the material used to carve the figure. Uh these kobold effigies were about 12 to 24 inches tall and had colorful clothing in large mouths. There's actually a 17th-century expression to laugh like a kobold, which may refer to these dolls with their mouths wide open and made me to laugh loud and heartily.
SPEAKER_01Aww, that's cute.
SPEAKER_02Okay, see, like my image of kobolds has always just been these small, ugly-ish little creatures.
SPEAKER_05And we'll get to that.
SPEAKER_02But apparently the real world lore is not that live.
SPEAKER_05Well, not quite. Well, again, I'll get to it.
SPEAKER_01Uh, my uh my context for them is uh Final Fantasy 14. I'm sorry.
SPEAKER_05Etymologically, uh, there's a lot of potential origins for the Kobold. Once more, it's disputed. Um the Kophobalt, uh, I may be pronouncing that incorrectly, but or Copalt. That actually that sounds more correct. Kophwalt uh is a spirit with powers over a single room, and it's thought to be the ancestor of the term kobold, and maybe even the creature itself. Other histori historians have drawn parallels between the kobold and the Roman home deities, as well as the Anglo-Saxon Kophotas, which are room gods. One of the earlier and more commonly accepted etimal etymologies for kobold is tracing their words' origin through the Latin Kobalis to the Greek kobolas, meaning rogue. The change from alas to old is a feature in German language used for monsters and supernatural beings. So basically rogue, supernatural being rogue monster. Um the words goblin and goblin, rendered in medieval Latin as gobelinius, may in fact derive from the word cobold. So kobold may have come before goblins.
SPEAKER_01Oh, interesting.
SPEAKER_05Um in addition to these home spirits type kobolds, the Germanic people believed in a wild type of cobalt that lived underground in a set of mountains to act as miners. Uh there was a third version as well, although this one is often disputed to have existed in modern studies, and that was the sea kobold.
SPEAKER_02So the minor kobolds make a whole lot more sense to me. Uh, mostly because my imagery for cobals mostly came first from World of Warcraft, where a lot of them were in the mound areas and had miners and pick hats. Piccads? Pick hats?
SPEAKER_05Pickaxes and pickets.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, there we go.
SPEAKER_01Pick hats and axes.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, straight up act.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_05Um and spoiler alert, that will translate to DD. I feel like the most adaptations of kobolds is they don't take the minor thing, they're really just ignoring the entire history of the kobold like mythology.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, because I mean that seems to be like their biggest uh part in history there.
SPEAKER_05Yeah. Um, so kobolds are naturally invisible, but they can physically materialize as animals, humans, and fires, specifically including candles.
SPEAKER_01Nice.
SPEAKER_06Are they like a whole candle or just like the flame of a candle? Unsure. Nice. Either way, cool.
SPEAKER_05Uh the most common depictions of cobalt show them as human-like figures about the size of small children. Uh cobalt who live in human homes where the clothing of peasants, those who live in mines, are hunched and ugly, and cobals who live on ships smoke pipes and wear sailor clothing. Nice. Um the cobalt who live in the human homes are generally depicted as human-like. Like I said, dressed as peasants and standing out as tall as a four-year-old child. Um, described in the shape of a short, thick-set being, neither boy nor man, but akin to the condition of both, garbed in a party-colored loose shirt coat, wearing a high-crown hat with a broad brim on his diminutive head.
SPEAKER_01Holy shit. Yes, what the that is a there's a lot going on there.
SPEAKER_05Other tales describe kobolds as appearing like herdsmen looking for work and little wrinkled old men and pointed hats, or some even resembling just straight up looking like small children. Heinzelman, which is a named kobold from from the folklore of Slender Moulin Castle in the uh region of Bloomberg, appeared as a beautiful boy with blonde, curly hair to his shoulders and dressed in a red silk coat. His voice was soft and tender like that of a boy or maiden.
SPEAKER_01Hmm. So we've got blonde curly hair. Also, the red the red cloaks, the red cloak gives me red riding hood vibes, also, which is very interesting.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. That description in general, I swear I have seen that somewhere.
SPEAKER_05Well, it should be mentioned that um there are some um cobals that uh say that they are the spirits of dead children and they possess knives that show the means of which they were murdered.
SPEAKER_04Okay.
SPEAKER_05Yeah. Now that is not the same of all kobolds, that's just that one particular like dot.
SPEAKER_02But they possess knives. Okay.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_02Okay.
SPEAKER_05Cool. They're variously described mine cobals as two feet old men dressed like miners to short bent creatures with ugly features, including in some tales coal black skin.
SPEAKER_02Which I guess would make sense for the whole mining aspect. Yeah. And that kind of sits with my initial.
SPEAKER_05And I think in this description it because I don't know German. Uh I think in this description it literally means coal like skin that has just been stained with coal.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Um they're dirty. They're dirty boys.
SPEAKER_05Cobalt from the beliefs of fishermen and sailors of the Baltic Sea typically appears as a small pipe-smoking human-like figure wearing a yellow nightcap style sailor's hat and a red or gray jacket.
SPEAKER_01Holy shit.
SPEAKER_05Um, most often though, kobolds remain completely invisible.
SPEAKER_02I would too if I looked like that.
SPEAKER_01Are you kidding? If I if I was on the if I had a wide-brimmed yellow hat and I was smoking a pipe on the high seas.
SPEAKER_02You're able to just scare the shit out of some random sailors by appearing out of nowhere. Fuck yeah.
SPEAKER_05Um, one particular named Kobold uh had uh was known to have hands thin like those of a frog, cold and soft to the feel, but he never showed himself. So he would just let this dude feel his hands, but not like look at him? Yeah. Well, he was invisible, so like, here you can touch my hands, but you still can't see me, haha.
SPEAKER_01So I guess I assumed that it was a like it's an at-will thing. Oh yeah, I mean, sometimes you're at that point in your relationship where like you'll let them touch your hands, but like not look upon your visage, you know? Sometimes it'd be that way.
SPEAKER_05Yeah. Uh the master of Hunder Mullen Castle, where Heinzelman lived, convinced the kobold to let him touch him one night. The cobalt's fingers were childlike and his face was like a skull without body heat.
SPEAKER_01So I I I feel like there's like there's some through lines in all of these like purported descriptions, but then also like There's just the occasional like dead child, dead child, dead child. Yeah, and also like um frog-like, and then you have skull, and then you have without body heat. I mean, I feel like your s your skull probably wouldn't have body heat if it were removed from your body.
SPEAKER_02Probably not. Probably not. Unless you're like scorpion.
SPEAKER_05Cemensic kobolds are linked to a specific household. There are some legends that claim that every house had a resident kobold, regardless of the owner's desires or needs. Um the means by which a kobold enters that new home vary from tail to tail. One tradition claims the kobold enters the household by announcing itself at night or by strewing wood chips about the house and putting dirt or cow manure in the milk cans.
SPEAKER_02Well, that seems a little rude, but couldn't you just like ring a bell or something?
SPEAKER_05They're mischievous creatures, by the way. Um, if the master of the house leaves the wood chips and drinks the soil milk, the kobold takes up residence. Another legend says should say someone take pity on a kobold in the form of a cold, wet creature and take it inside to warm it, the spirit takes up residence there. So that one would screw all of us.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, but yeah, it wouldn't.
SPEAKER_05Uh kobolds bring good luck and help to their hosts as long as the hosts take care of them. In return, the family must leave a portion of their separate to the spirit and must treat the kobold with respect, never mocking or laughing at the creature. Um to become quite malevolent and vengeful, afflicting errant hosts with supernatural diseases, disfigurements, and injuries. Their pranks range from beating disturbants to murdering those who insult them.
SPEAKER_02I mean, okay, but I'm I feel like the term pranks is used a little loosely there at the end. Somewhat. Because I feel like murder is not necessarily a prank.
SPEAKER_05It's just a prank, bro.
SPEAKER_02Why are you so mad? It's just a prank.
SPEAKER_05Um, stories of subterranean cobals were common in Germany by the 16th century. Superstitious miners believed that the creatures were expert miners and metal workers who could be heard constantly drilling, hammering, and shoveling. Uh, some stories claim that cobalt lived in the rock just as human beings that lived in the air. Legends often paint underground cobals as evil creatures. In medieval mining towns, people prayed for protection from them. They were blamed for the accidents, cadence, and rock slides that plagued the human miners. Uh, one favorite cobalt to prank was cobalt miners at the door. Which potentially feels more prankish than just murder.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, but is that where fools go comes from? Maybe.
SPEAKER_05According to other various traditions, cabadermans, or sea kobolds, live on ships and are generally beneficial to the crew. Uh, for example, a sea kobold will pump water from the hold, arrange cargo, and hammer at holes until they can be repaired. The creatures are thought to be especially useful in time of danger, preventing the ship from sinking. The sea kobold is associated with the wood of the ship in which it lives. It enters the ship via the wood used to build it, and may appear as a ship ship's orbiter. The sea kobold's benevolent behavior will last as long as the crew have to treat the creatures regularly. A sea kobold will not leave the ship unless it's on the roof or other or something. Like it's trying to inflict harm upon the rest of the crew.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, because they mocked it. I mean, at least that's that one is fucking helpful.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. That's pretty nice.
SPEAKER_05Um, on to the world of DD, finally. So kobolds were first introduced in 1977 with the first edition monster manual.
unknownFirst edition.
SPEAKER_02The first edition of the first edition monster manual.
SPEAKER_05Yes.
SPEAKER_01The first edition.
SPEAKER_05Kobolds are upon introduction are immediately lawful evil, three feet tall, they have four hit points, they have an AC of six.
SPEAKER_01Which is bad. Which is bad.
SPEAKER_05Which is bad. They do about one to six points of damage per hit.
SPEAKER_02And they speak kobold, goblin, and or I mean, okay, they're weak, but is that well, okay.
SPEAKER_01So I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. I'm waiting for the fuck you that's like, okay, but if you come within a 30-foot vicinity of them, you die. You just die.
SPEAKER_05Spoiler alert, you're gonna be waiting for that other shoe to drop for a while.
SPEAKER_01Oh, I am? Oh boy. So, okay. So you would say they're a minor threat.
SPEAKER_02Oh my god. No, I gotta give you that one.
SPEAKER_01Damn it. And you know the best part is it's a double pun because they're real little like children.
SPEAKER_05Anyways, their society is very tribal with war bands based on like surnames like clans.
SPEAKER_01Gotcha.
SPEAKER_05The stronger tribes rule weaker ones, etc.
unknownetc.
SPEAKER_01Blah blah blah.
SPEAKER_05Uh couples are usually found in dark, dank places such as dismal overgrown forests or subterranean settings. Uh they hate bright sunlight and are not able to see well in it, but they their night vision is excellent. And they have infrared vision, which operates up to 60 feet. If they are in bright sunlight, they do not fight as well and have a negative one from vegetables. They particularly hate such creatures such as brownies, exies, rights, and gnomes.
SPEAKER_04No. No.
SPEAKER_05They continually war with the latter gnomes and will attack them on site.
SPEAKER_02Alright, no, I can't I can't get down behind kobolds now. I'm sorry, guys. I just can't.
SPEAKER_05Well, maybe, maybe I'll win you back over.
SPEAKER_02I I understand I'm a- Do they become best friends with gnomes? Because if not, then probably not. You're fair.
SPEAKER_05We lost Travis, but we we have it, we have hope for the rest of you. All right, the height of kobolds runs from very dark rusty brown to a rusty black. They have no hair, and their eyes are reddish with and they have small horns that are tan to white. Uh they favor red or orange garb, and they live for about 135 years.
SPEAKER_02Damn, they actually live a lot longer than I thought. That is interesting. I thought that their lifespan was going to be like 30.
SPEAKER_05Uh, they have that vibe of like they are long they live fast, die young. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. That's kind of what I was thinking.
SPEAKER_01Kobolds do it well.
SPEAKER_05Uh their art is vaguely lizardy, but not quite yet. Um, with pointed ears and then large snap.
SPEAKER_01Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_05Uh kobolds come back again in second edition with the recent release of the monstrous manual in 1993. They are lawful evil, still um, again, three feet tall. They have one to four hit points. Their thacko score is twenty.
SPEAKER_02So, like, you literally can't miss.
SPEAKER_05Like, I d just a refresher for anyone listening to this Thacko, you want it to be as close to zero or less than zero as possible.
SPEAKER_01Bigger is worse.
SPEAKER_05Bigger is bad. It's golf rules, y'all.
SPEAKER_02Like I 20 to me sounds like basically you have an AC of one in like fifth edition.
SPEAKER_05Kinda, yeah.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_05You have to totally beef that role. Like the Um I will explain in more detail later, but they are definitely a numbers kind of fighter.
SPEAKER_01Right, I I would imagine.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, I kind of figured, but they do about one to six damage per hit. Uh they are now more tribal and they can appear on any land. They're omnivores.
SPEAKER_04Yeah. Okay. That makes sense.
SPEAKER_05Again, they speak uh cobalt orchestra and goblin and live 135 years.
SPEAKER_04Hmm.
SPEAKER_05Um and this one actually gives more lore about cobolds. Uh cobolds are a cowardly sadistic race of short humanoids that vigorously contest other races for living space and food. They especially dislike gnomes and attack them on site.
SPEAKER_02I'll protect you.
SPEAKER_01I mean, given how weak they are, I don't think they need to.
SPEAKER_05They probably don't need it, but I'm sure they appreciate it.
SPEAKER_02Oh, you guys pick one up and just swing in circles, and you'll just knock several of them away.
SPEAKER_01Just yep.
SPEAKER_05Cobalt's uh scaly hides, not mention of scales, finally. Yeah. Range from dark rusty brown to a rusty black. They smell of damp dogs and stagnant water, and their eyes glow like a bright red spark. They have two small horns ranging from tan to white once more. Right. Um, because of the cobalt spondants were wearing raggedy garb of red and orange, their non-crancile rat-like tails, and their language, which sounds like small dogs yapping, uh, these fellow creatures are often not taken seriously.
SPEAKER_06I wonder why.
SPEAKER_05This can be a fatal mistake, or what they lack in size and strike, they make up for in ferocity and tenacity.
SPEAKER_01And numbers. And numbers. Evidently.
SPEAKER_05Sheer numbers.
SPEAKER_01Just cast a fireball.
SPEAKER_05Uh kobold approaches combat uses overwhelming odds or triggering. Kobolds will attack gnomes on sight, but will think twice about attacking humans, elves, or dwarves, unless the kobolds outnumber them by at least two to one. Uh they often hurl javelins and spheres, preferring not to close until they see their enemies have been weakened. Uh kobolds attack in overwhelming ways. Should the kobolds be reduced to only a three to two ratio in their favor, they must make it a morale check. Uh, cobolds are wary of spellcasters and will aim for them when possible. They are also they also enjoy setting up concealed pits and spikes, crossbows, and other mechanical traps.
SPEAKER_02That tracks, yeah.
SPEAKER_05They usually have U-ports and murder holes near these traps so that they can pour flaming oil, missile weapons, or drop poisonous insects on their victims.
SPEAKER_02Or I guess that is the glore hole to a cobalt.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. I uh don't Google that. Don't Google cobalt glory hole. Don't do it. No, not or do if you're into that, you know.
SPEAKER_05Uh cobals live in dark, damp places underground in an overgrown forest.
SPEAKER_01No, I think they live to in dark, dank places.
SPEAKER_05Listen. They can be found in almost any climate.
SPEAKER_01Nice.
SPEAKER_05As cobalt are good miners, any area with potential for mining is very cane. Uh, cobalt tribe has four to four forty to four hundred adult males, twenty to two hundred adult females, four to forty young, and thirty to three hundred eggs.
SPEAKER_02Eggs?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, they're they're they're reptilian. Egg.
SPEAKER_02I just I still like wasn't picturing until they eggs them. Well, well, um I don't know why, but my brain just was not picturing, even though they're reptilian, that there would be eggs. I don't know. I thought maybe they were gonna be kind of the odd ones that are like, yeah, they're reptilian, but they still give birth to live Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. I mean, you know, they're they're in in the real world also there is the odd viviparous um reptile. Uh yeah. Even I mean, even in examples where it's like it's just like this one random species of like snake, and it's like, what what? What are you doing?
unknownWhy?
SPEAKER_01Why? Why though?
SPEAKER_05Um their society is tribal, but they can be further broken up into more bands based on specific clans. As many as ten families can be a part of a clan, and each clan is usually responsible for controlling the area in a ten mile radius from a lair. In some instances, kobolds will not kill their victims but will sell them as slaves.
SPEAKER_01Um lovely.
SPEAKER_02I'm not surprised.
SPEAKER_05Are incredibly distrustful of strangers. They hate brownies, pixies, writs, and gnomes, and gnomes are never eaten or taken for just killed and left for dead. They're two, they're two It is suggested that kobolds are so cruel because they are easy prey for larger humanoids and hungry monsters. Uh, they have many enemies, and even the dwarves have to admit that the numerous kobold goblins have kept the number of goblins down to a single level.
SPEAKER_02So okay. Okay. They help control the population.
SPEAKER_01Help control the pet population. Have your kobold spayed or neutered. Oh my god. Huh. Or the goblin population, as it were.
SPEAKER_05Second edition also introduces the urds, which are distant relatives of the kobolds. Uh these creatures are mentioned once in second edition, once in fifth edition, and no other times.
SPEAKER_02Huh. So not a very popular uh I love that. Yeah.
SPEAKER_05Uh they are also three feet tall, and they're neutral evil. They have an HP of two to five. Their thaco is 15 to 19. They're more clan-oriented, and they live in more temperate and tropical hills and mountains. Um, and they are more rare than nobles. Um short ivory horns. Their bodies are frail and covered with mottled yellow to brick red scales. They have leathery bat-like wings which span eight feet. Birds have a 60-foot improvision and prefer to hunt at night, dropping jagged stones about 2-3% of each for the air. Actively dodging opponents are considered AC2 before modifications, such as dexterity. Rocks that cause 2-4 or 2d4 points of damage. Some herds carry light spears, which do 1d4 damage. A band of 20 herds is accompanied by a sub chieftain, and herd flocks of 100 or more include a chieftain. Earth layers contain 1d6 shamans, and you have the ability to speak with bats as errors speak with animals.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, bats. I mean, with the erds, not the kobolds.
SPEAKER_05Earth lifespans can exceed 100 years, but they rarely live past 15 years.
SPEAKER_02That's what I was expecting for the kobolds.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_05Okay. Kobolds once again return in third edition with the Monster Manual 1 and in 3.5 with Monster Manual version 3.5, 2000 and 2003, respectively.
SPEAKER_02And I'm going to guess like pretty much every other entry in 3.5, it's just a simple copy-paste mostly.
SPEAKER_05Very few changes between the two. What it is is mostly grammatical changes changes and fixes. Um they're usually lawful evil. Uh they have 1d8 HP, AC of 15. Which is still not great. But better. But better. Better than Thacko 20. Yeah. Yeah. For sure. Um they can attack with a spear, which is 1v6, minus 1, and they get three attacks with it. Minus 1. Attack with a sling, which is 1v3.
SPEAKER_04Okay.
SPEAKER_05Um they live in temperate forests and 2 to 2.5 feet tall. Oh, there's a whale. 35 to 45 pounds.
SPEAKER_02Wow, they are little. They shrunk.
SPEAKER_05They're so small. Kobolds are short reptilian humanoids with cowardly and sadistic tendencies. Uh they have a scaly hide, a naked tail like that of a rat, and a dog-like head with two small horns.
SPEAKER_01I love how they say scaly and then naked.
SPEAKER_02Like the tail is naked, but scaly.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, it's a very odd imagery.
SPEAKER_05It is. I imagine it's actually still scales, but it's those really fine scales that almost look like skin.
SPEAKER_01You know? Yeah. Yeah, like a like a like a sneak. Yeah, like a very yeah, I gotcha.
SPEAKER_05The cobalt's scaly skin, right? From rusty, dark rusty brown to rusty black color, same, same. Wow. Um, tails non prehensile, ragged clothing favoring red and orange. It's very much like checking stuff off the list.
SPEAKER_04Yeah.
SPEAKER_05Um cobalt usually consume plants or animals, but are not averse to eating intelligent beings. Yeah, I mean they spend most of their time fortifying the land with their layers around their layers with traps and warning devices such as spiked pits, trip wires attached to crossbows, and other mechanical contraptions.
SPEAKER_02See, I love pretty much any like race that sets up little traps like that, though. I just love the I I love traps. Traps are just fun.
unknownI'm winning you.
SPEAKER_02I'm winning you over. I don't know, they still hate gnomes.
SPEAKER_01And find find the DM. Traps are fun. Yeah. Find the DM.
SPEAKER_05Kobolds hate almost every other sort of ro of humanoid or fee, especially gnomes and sprites. Kobolds speak draconic with a voice that sounds like that of a yapping dog.
SPEAKER_01Okay, Lewin has ended the chat. Like with draconic.
SPEAKER_02Draconic in my mind, and then mixed with the sound of a yapping dog is hysterical. Hysterical, yeah.
SPEAKER_05Uh kobolds still prefer to attack with overwhelming odds, except for gnomes who they will attack on sight if numbers are equal and utilize traps and surprises to overwhelm the opponent. Kobolds still live in dark places, usually underground. They are good miners and often live in the mines that they are developing. A cobalt tribe sends out warbands that patrol within a 10-mile radius from the lair, attacking any intelligent creatures that enter their territory. Uh same thing, usually kill prisoners for food. Sometimes sell them as slaves.
SPEAKER_02Uh cepheromes, I assume.
SPEAKER_05They have many enemies. Um they usually have one non-combatant child and one egg per 10 adults right now.
SPEAKER_01Um I love how they specify non.
SPEAKER_02Non-combatant Yeah, like it's just not old enough to be a combatant yet.
SPEAKER_05Yeah. The patron deity of the kobolds is uh Kurtlemac. Kurtlmac. Kurtlmac. Kurtlemac. All living creatures except kobold.
SPEAKER_02You're welcome.
SPEAKER_05Well, at this point, I have to talk about the supplement that I'm sure everyone who's been waiting for this kobold episode has been excited about.
SPEAKER_03Oh, I love those.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_03What these eats.
SPEAKER_05I'll tell you. After we take a quick bike. It's your own dang fault for doing the curdled mac and cheese.
SPEAKER_02I'm not sorry.
SPEAKER_01You should be.
SPEAKER_05Hey everybody, thank you so much for listening to our episode on kobolds.
SPEAKER_02Those filthy, filthy creatures.
SPEAKER_05I love them. They're wonderful.
SPEAKER_02I mean, they're starting to they're starting to weigh on me a little bit. I kind of like them.
SPEAKER_05Um, hopefully the audio is going well. We're actually still unsure.
SPEAKER_02Um Yeah, so hopefully this all goes well. If not, just tell us in the Discord that we suck and we'll try to fix that.
SPEAKER_05We're we're working on it. Um also because due to time constraints, uh, Louin is not present for this ad risk. Correct. On that note, let's move along quickly. We still have our affiliate partnership with Metallic Dice Games. You can get dice, metallic or otherwise, dice accessories.
SPEAKER_02Dice trays. I believe there's a foldable dice tower to get some really cool things on there.
SPEAKER_05You can use offer code dungeonpedia for 10% off your entire entire order at metallicdice games.com. And of course, we always have our Patreon if you would like to support us directly, and that's just Dungeonpedia. We have still just the one tier, actually.
SPEAKER_02And then we're still workshopping other tiers. Our lives are kind of hectic at the moment.
SPEAKER_05And we we have basically we have the ideas, the beginnings framed out, and we're gonna get started on those soon.
SPEAKER_02Yes. Um we do have our Discord, as mentioned before. It's still pinned to the top of our Twitter. If you haven't joined it yet, please come join us. It's a lot of fun, a lot of memes, a lot of DD, a lot of pictures of animals.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, big bunch of animal lovers.
SPEAKER_02Really? If nothing else, come for the animals. It's great. That's great. On top of that, while you're there, you can go ahead and follow us on our Twitter and Instagram if you wish. Those are both just at Dungeonpedia. You can email us any suggestions or comments or what have you at dungeonpedia.podcast at gmail.com.
SPEAKER_05Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts to get notifications when we go live. And on some of those apps, there are there's the option to rate and review. If you can do that, we would really tremendously appreciate it. It just helps us stand out a little bit in various algorithms. It does. It would be great. But more than that, if you can continue to just help us spread the word, continue to t tell your nerdy friends, hey, do you want to know about this thing, but don't really want to read about it? Have I got the thing for you?
SPEAKER_02Instead of hours of reading, it's an hour or so of research. Or an hour or so of listening.
SPEAKER_05It's more than an hour or so of research.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, it is. And uh, of course, as always, a very big thank you to Alexander Nakarada for our theme song, Blacksmith.
SPEAKER_05And with all that, I think we're just gonna jump right back into the podcast.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, you kind of let us on a cliffhanger there. So uh let's go. All right.
SPEAKER_01All right, give it, give it away. Yes.
SPEAKER_05And Dragon 5 edition, uh, races of the dragon.
SPEAKER_04Yes. Yes. Yeah.
SPEAKER_05I know we've talked about the supplement before, but the premise is pretty straightforward. It aims to get more detail on the lore of dragon blood races. If I'm not mistaken, this is actually the first mention of Kobold being dragon blooded, while previously they were just referred to as reptilian or lizard-like.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, we haven't come across them being like dragon-blooded at all.
SPEAKER_01Or that association in the third edition monster manual where they speak draconics. Yeah, like that's an association, but they're also not like explicitly like listed. Yeah, like associated with dragons in that way.
SPEAKER_05Yeah. Um the opening chapter of the Kobold begins with a glowing review of the Red Kiles community. Uh, while they're malicious, they're also very hardworking and dutiful, meticulous miners with sorcery and their blood. It then he immediately goes into a story written from the perspective of a female kobold and her four male comrades as they travel above ground, fighting off gnomes with sneaky traps and escorting her dragon raw egg to a sacred mine.
SPEAKER_01Aww.
SPEAKER_05It's really quite lovely, actually.
SPEAKER_01That's nice.
SPEAKER_02Alright, I mean, fine. I'll give them a pass on that one. That sounds like it'd be a fun read.
SPEAKER_05Kobolds once more have scaly skin, ranging in color, blah, blah, blah. They have strong teeth. Um, their face is described as that of crocodiles now. Ooh! Uh, with a jaw that can open wide enough to hold a whole melon. Jesus! Uh, they're constantly alert and wide-eyed, um, with and their eyes range in color from burnt awkward to red. Um, they have a ridge of small horn-like bone juts above each brow that sweeps backwards. Oh, they're horn-like.
SPEAKER_01They're like Argonians. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Like as soon as you say that's actually kind of what I was thinking was because you like how male Argonians have the little.
SPEAKER_01Well, I think they no, you can have those on females too, but yeah, they have the like ridge kind of that's kind of a vibe.
SPEAKER_05Um, once hash tobles mature at breakneck speed, using the same life cycle as dragons, but only living one tenth as long. Um, to that end.
SPEAKER_01I mean, if I'm correct, that's not unimpressive. It's not that's not terrible. Because dragons live for a really fucking long time.
SPEAKER_05Um, so worming all the way to great worm. Um basically great worms are 121 years or older for kobolds.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, that's not that's very impressive. Yeah. Also, I'm it's that's so funny to me that they essentially like they have the same age categories because it's like great worm.
SPEAKER_05And then it's like and then it's mushu.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, it's like that. I am the great stone dragon. And he's like, Yeah. Fucking like three feet tall. I love mushu so much.
SPEAKER_05Um, but they actually reach like maturity at age six.
SPEAKER_02Damn, so yeah, they really grow like super fast.
SPEAKER_01They grow super fast, but then they also live for a long time.
SPEAKER_02Which is they grow super fast and then they stop.
SPEAKER_05Pretty much.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_05I mean, they're I mean, one tenth as long as dragons.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_05Uh by the time a cobalt reaches the age of eight or nine um on average, she is mentally and physically able to assist her tribe in any capacity. So like six is like 18, 8 or 9 would be like 21, 25. You can legally rent. This just in like a You can legally rent a car.
SPEAKER_01An eight-year-old cobalt can rent the car.
SPEAKER_02Yay.
SPEAKER_05Um, cobalt have close biological ties to dragons. The most important difference between the two, however, is that cobalt are cold-blooded and dragons are warm-blooded.
SPEAKER_01I mean, I think that there are also other important biological differences.
SPEAKER_05Like, I'm just reading out uh the supplement.
SPEAKER_02Okay. Flying is one of them.
SPEAKER_01Um, like the the the quadrupedal or the bipedal.
SPEAKER_05Um, only able to generate their own internal body heat from taking in food and engaging in activity. Uh, they desperately depend on their environment for warmth, which is one of the reasons why they live underground.
SPEAKER_01Isn't underground colder?
SPEAKER_05No.
SPEAKER_01No.
SPEAKER_05That's where snakes uh hibernate.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Because um I always thought the further you went underground, the colder it got.
SPEAKER_05No. You get closer to the uh the core of the earth.
SPEAKER_01And also, like, that's why bridges ice before roads is because it's further away from the heat of the earth. Yeah, because the the ground That one makes sense to me. I just Because it like it it takes it like the ground holds in the hot better. I'm I sound very intelligent.
SPEAKER_05The ground hold in the hot better, okay?
SPEAKER_02Yes, of course.
SPEAKER_01Ground hotter than air. Come to Ncipiopedia for all of your thermodynamics bags.
SPEAKER_02Yay.
SPEAKER_05Uh warm temperatures are comfortable to kobolds, naturally. The downside is that kobolds feel the cold more profoundly. Uh sudden chilling temperatures, such as being stuck by struck by a cone of cold spell, do not affect kobolds more than normal, but prolonged cold increases their need for sustenance so that they can generate their own warmth.
SPEAKER_01Same.
SPEAKER_05Uh uh kobolds can eat a variety of foodstuffs, include uh drawing nutrition from a broad omnivorous diet. Uh evil kobolds have no scruples when it comes to eating, even considering other intelligent creatures as options for the stew pot.
SPEAKER_02Yes, human stew.
SPEAKER_05Um, cobolds who are desperate for food can metabolize many forms of organic matter, including bark, bones, dirt, leather, and shells.
SPEAKER_01Hmm. Okay. Whoa. Um I mean, sometimes you just gotta go outside and eat some dirt.
SPEAKER_05Uh, as reptiles, kobolds are hatched from hard-shelled eggs. Once a female kobold has been fertilized, she lays one egg within two weeks, with a 10% chance of laying two eggs. The egg must be incubated for 60 days, after which time it hatches into a kobold wormling that is able to walk and feed after only a few hours.
unknownGood lord.
SPEAKER_05Dang, yeah, they are pretty much like I mean, turtles.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, they are they are very efficient. Yeah. They're like, they hatch, they're ready to go. Crocodiles.
SPEAKER_02I love the like major difference in time, though. Like the egg is laid within two weeks, but then it has to be incubated for 60 days. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_05Uh on rare occasions a cobalt female lays what cobalt call a dragon rot egg.
SPEAKER_04Uh oh.
SPEAKER_05These eggs are spotted dragon rot. Like um iron rot.
SPEAKER_02Right, okay.
SPEAKER_01Oh, I thought you meant like the plague bringer.
SPEAKER_05Oh no.
SPEAKER_01Uh these eggs are Man, remember Flight Rising, guys? Holy shit. Sorry, back on topic.
SPEAKER_05These eggs are spotted with the color of whichever true dragon influences the dragon rot cobalt within, uh, with such models increasing in number and size as the whirling inside grows. Uh cobold embryos are resilient and not easily disturbed when moved or transported. A cobalt embryo rarely expires unless its egg is broken or the final 15 days of incubation. Uh cobold embryo. Inside an egg that is broken. After that time suffers no ill effects, although the rolling may take a little bit longer to reach physical maturity. Dragon Raw is a um basically a feat in 3.5 that kobolds specifically can take. Um so reading from the benefits, uh, you are a dragon rot kobold. Your type is dragon rather than humanoid, and you lose this the dragon blood subtype. You retain all other subtypes of your Cobold racial traits. Your scales become tinted with a color that matches that of your draconic heritage. As a dragon, you are immune to magic sleep and paralysis effects. You have dark vision, uh blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
SPEAKER_01Dragon stuff, dragon stuff.
SPEAKER_05Extraordinary trapsmith. You are an expert at constructing mechanical traps. Nice.
SPEAKER_01Okay, you're getting, I think you're you're you're getting traps a little bit more.
SPEAKER_02It's that damn side, man.
SPEAKER_01He's approaching the carrot with the very obvious laundry basket propped up over it.
SPEAKER_05Um, heavyweight wings. Your superior strength allows you to fly while heavily burdened. Also, they have wings.
SPEAKER_01We're just gonna skip past the water. Oh, yeah. I mean, that's wings? That's implied. Is it? Is it the dragon rot? Oh, uh subtype specifically? Uh yes. Okay, okay.
SPEAKER_05I was I was being dramatic, don't worry.
SPEAKER_01Oh, okay, gotcha.
SPEAKER_05Uh you have draconic wings that grant you the uh ability to fly.
SPEAKER_02Okay, that's pretty cool though. Okay, yeah, like that's that's pretty badass.
SPEAKER_05You can uh channel breath, like a breath weapon.
SPEAKER_01Nice.
SPEAKER_02Okay, see I was gonna make a comment earlier about how they also don't have breath weapons, but uh the dragon rods do.
SPEAKER_05Uh you can apply draconic grass to other living creatures or yourself.
SPEAKER_02Okay. So you wait, is that where you can like slowly turn them into a dragon?
SPEAKER_05Um crafting is essentially an alternative method of item creation. Um, basically dragon lot basically give you dragon-like features like dragonbone legs, gleaming scales, a glaring eye, a frightful crest, a smashing tail, a talon arm, metabolic fire, resilience scales, and buffeting wings, which are of course the most expensive.
SPEAKER_02Naturally. Uh screw that. Give me the gleaming eye.
SPEAKER_05Okay.
SPEAKER_02I don't know, that just sounds cool. I want that one.
SPEAKER_05I'll take that one. I'll take that.
SPEAKER_01And that. And that. And to cart.
SPEAKER_05So the uh Dragon Rot kobolds, by the way, are sacred. Like they're considered a blessing that will bring good like good fortune to cobalt.
SPEAKER_01The community, yeah.
SPEAKER_02Okay. Well, well, I mean, I guess yeah, they are pretty rare. Yeah. So.
SPEAKER_05Uh kobolds are pragmatic about a lot of things, especially fashion. They dress appropriately for the occasion, which includes finery for special celebrations and ceremonies.
SPEAKER_04Oh.
SPEAKER_05Uh most cobalt spend all their time mining, however, and working cobalt to wear work clothing.
SPEAKER_01Good for them.
SPEAKER_05You know what?
SPEAKER_01I'm just imagining them in like a little pair of overalls, you know.
SPEAKER_05I mean, that works. Uh yellow safety vests. But they don't usually have access to resources like cotton, but they readily harvest silk from underground spiders, worms, and other insect larvae.
SPEAKER_01Ooh.
SPEAKER_05Along with silk, leather sees widespread use.
SPEAKER_01That's a fun contrast.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_01Like the kobolds with their their general aesthetic, but like a lot of their like cloth is silk. That's interesting. I like that.
SPEAKER_05Silk and then leather.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_05Um as a minor, the typical kobold dresses for freedom of movement, which usually takes the form of a sleeveless leather tunic with breeches that stop above the knee. Uh, the consistent temperatures found underground in underground environments mean kobolds don't usually have to consider dressing for warmth.
SPEAKER_01Right, yeah.
SPEAKER_05Footwear does not exist in kobold society.
SPEAKER_01Nice.
SPEAKER_05The idea of wearing footwear has never occurred to kobolds, not even for comfort.
SPEAKER_02They gotta they so what if just somehow you manage to not get immediately attacked by kobolds and you talk to them and introduce them to shoes.
SPEAKER_05Kobolds rely heavily on their double-jointed legs for articulated feet and articulated feet to maintain their speed and balance.
SPEAKER_01Man, they're flip-flops.
SPEAKER_05I'm sorry. Have you ever been in flip-flops? They are not built for speed. I hate them.
SPEAKER_01Man, they're gonna be in trouble when they start posting content on the internet and their feet are just out and about for everyone to see. Oh my god. Crocs.
SPEAKER_05Why did I even talk about this? Anyways, well-dressed kobolds enjoy making bold statements, so popular colors include dark reds and fiery oranges to accent one's eyes. Such pigments are easy for kobolds to acquire.
SPEAKER_01From the earth.
SPEAKER_05From the earth. Uh, due to the prolific mining of the typical kobold tribe, um, those kobolds, able to afford it, favor metal and gym and crescent doormen.
SPEAKER_01Nice.
SPEAKER_05While they are usually sensible with their cut of their garments, kobolds love jewelry and ornamentation. Uh, both sexes wear all sorts of jewelry, including tail rings.
SPEAKER_02Nice. If I had a tail, I'd so have a tail ring.
SPEAKER_01I you know what? I wish people had tails. Moving on. I was robbed.
SPEAKER_05Uh warriors don symbolic metal armor such as bracers, deck decorative gorgets, and greaves. When it comes to real armor cobalt, warriors generally prefer leather, avoiding anything that might slow them down.
SPEAKER_01Right.
SPEAKER_05Uh, as a substitute for metal armor, some kobolds have been known to wear armor made of the shells of giant beetles.
SPEAKER_01Oh, that's pretty cool.
SPEAKER_02Okay. Yeah. That that would be cool. And like the colors of giant beetles.
SPEAKER_01Oh, yeah, like a pretty iridescent kind of yeah.
SPEAKER_05Mining's a dirty profession, by the way. Uh yeah. Being grimy is part of the mining life, but kobolds are far from uncivilized when it comes to hygiene. Uh, as reptilian humanoids, kobolds shed their skins like other reptiles do.
SPEAKER_01Nice. Um I wish humans should.
SPEAKER_05It's not a simple procedure like snakes, though. Um, adult cobalt shed their skin in patches. Uh this process takes up to a week if allowed to transpire naturally, but cobalt usually accelerate the shedding by scrubbing the old skin from their bodies.
SPEAKER_01Huh. Okay. I mean, yeah.
SPEAKER_05Growing kobolds shed their skin at intervals ranging from once a week to once a month. Uh don't adult cobalt shed their skin about once a season. Um, many adults use a bottle for replen of replenishing oil made from a plant called bitterleaf to strengthen their scales and keep them shiny.
SPEAKER_02Nice. I really did not expect them to actually have hygiene like at all, period.
SPEAKER_05Uh between shedding cycles, kobolds are quick to take advantage of the natural spanking springs discovered in their excavations. Swimming is one of their favorite pastimes. Oh, that's cute.
SPEAKER_02Same.
SPEAKER_05Uh although kobolds don't usually construct public baths, all kobolds gather at pools to bathe and socialize. Kobolds are meticulous about their teeth and claws. A flat stone is in every cobalt dwelling which serves as a tool for polishing claws. Kobolds chew roots and bones to strengthen their gums and clean the surface. Okay.
SPEAKER_01So, you know, I feel like kobolds officially have better hygiene than some people.
SPEAKER_02Uh yeah, for sure.
SPEAKER_05Uh kobolds have their own culture and set of deeply introspective traditions. Uh, to generalize, kobolds as xenophobic is misleading. They are perfect perfectly happy to be overlooked by others and have having disdain for other races and preferring to conduct conduct their activities in secret. Um, being consistently underestimated is seen as a gift, one that they have taken advantage of for countless generations.
SPEAKER_01You know what? Honestly, if it works, it works.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I can't blame them on that one at all.
SPEAKER_05Uh the intimate thoughts of a kobold would probably surprise most other non-kobolds.
SPEAKER_01Intimate, you say.
SPEAKER_05Kobolds live in an undeviating state, state of contentment, despite any setbacks experienced by their tribe. It's kind of strange for others to imagine that such weak creatures can lead such fulfilling lives. This is directly quoted from the book, by the way, not me. Until you consider one lingering piece of knowledge that cobals have never overlooked. They are kin to dragons.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, fair enough. Fair enough.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I mean, if I was fucking kin to dragon, I would yeah, I'd be pretty happy about that.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, just be like, yeah, whatever. Give a shit.
SPEAKER_05Uh the origin of this connection is unclear, based heavily in full or in myth, but the relationship is undeniable. Two races are related. Uh, being completely certain of their heritage gives kobolds a confidence that is neither troubled by self-doubt nor arrogantly expressed. It affords individual kobolds great comfort to think that no matter what happens to them, the dragon can never be taken from their blood. Common saying among kobolds is the dragon scales toughen our skin, the dragon bone adorns our skull, the dragon flames the dragon heart flames our sorcery. We are the dragon, and for the dragon we live. Long live the dragon.
SPEAKER_01Huh. Damn. They So they're they're essentially they also have a little bit of that kind of psychological profile of a dragon. Yes. But less arrogant and full of themselves.
SPEAKER_02So just more angry. Angry at other races, I specifically.
SPEAKER_01So like so, like, objectively, uh, a dragon that is more used to and takes advantage of being underestimated as opposed to underestimates everybody else. Yes.
SPEAKER_05Um their jerconic heritage invigorates their culture with indomitable will to endure anything. Um, while kobolds do not have the benefit of longevity that dragons do, they do understand what it means to take the long view. Their individual lives may be fleeting, but the impact of their presence in the world is widely felt. A powerful self-sacrificing instinct rules kobolds whenever their tribe is endangered. Um, they will readily it struggle against impossible odds or unconquerable foes simply to buy time or coordinate a diverse the needs of the tribe outweigh the continued existence of one individual kobold. This is not to say that kobolds needlessly throw their lives away. They value their lives no less than any other creature. Um both their shortcomings and their strengths. Small and weak, they are, they use numbers to aid in bringing down a larger foe. They employ their speed to defy enemies, setting up blanking maneuvers and creating hit and run assaults.
SPEAKER_02Jesus is nice. I mean hit and runs are illegal, guys.
SPEAKER_05They're clever and inventive. I think all of this is illegal.
SPEAKER_02Probably.
SPEAKER_05They safeguard their homes with cruelly ingenious traps using tight spaces and passages through which only creatures of their size can easily travel. If if all seems lost, kobolds are ready to throw themselves bravely at an enemy, hoping beyond hope to stop it. God damn. They are selfless in even in everyday life. The expansion of the tribe is more important than personal con accomplishments, and any personal accomplishment should advance the tribe. Uh, success of the tribe is personal success. Um basically all this to say kobolds shamelessly reproduce. Impersonal mating is commonplace, with females choosing mates by practical measures instead of influences such as love or lust. While kobolds do form bonding relationships, the idea of a sexual monogamy is alien to them. Kobolds desire to spread their kind everywhere, and the inability of one born to contain a tribe's population is celebrated. Part of the old tribe breaks off to expand into neutral territory.
SPEAKER_02Huh. Interesting.
SPEAKER_05Frequent overcrowding in their lair has permanently erased the concept of privacy from their lives.
SPEAKER_02Oh god. So they just have no privacy. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01You're just you're just walking down the street and just people just porking on the forking. In the little kobold park. But they have parks, probably.
SPEAKER_05Uh sleeping quarters are shared. Children have the least privacy. Sh shock. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_05Lack of privacy has also resulted in the absence of modesty. Um, kobolds are not self-conscious about nudity, regardless of sex. They still wear clothing for protection and decoration, but clothing is not seen as essential.
unknownNo.
SPEAKER_01I wonder what they got going on down there. To not be covered up by clothing. Probably like a cloaca, if I had to guess.
SPEAKER_05Probably. Um when uh they also don't hide their feelings. Uh instead, quarreling openly when they need to. Uh when emotions run high, kobolds express themselves immediately and without holding back. Uh they rarely these spikes rarely turn lethal because the proximity of other kobolds prevents such interactions from taking place discreetly.
SPEAKER_01Right.
SPEAKER_05In this way, all problems are dealt with before they can fetch her and grow.
SPEAKER_02I mean, shit, that's better than the humans.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, that's better than how a lot of humans do it. Yeah.
SPEAKER_05Uh kobolds aren't as forgiving as other races. They have long memories and are not quick to pardon, nurturing hatred like a favorite child groomed for a specific purpose. Most kobolds wait until their enemy has been brought low by circumstance, or better still, by clandestine cobalt interference before delivering a decisive and premeditated reprisal. In short, kobolds love revenge.
SPEAKER_02They're nice and they love revenge. Okay, I can get on their level.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. You'll have to like probably sit on the floor, maybe, to get on their level. That's fine. Okay.
SPEAKER_05Kobolds have no time for organized religious ceremonies, but they are pirate pious despite their preoccupation with work.
SPEAKER_01Same.
SPEAKER_05Hard work is worship to a kobold, and action on behalf of the tribe is prayer for success. Still, every kobold there includes one or two temples to curdle mat. Limited only by spatial confines and mining priorities. Uh these temples serve as housing for clerics and adabs and as storage spaces for the tribe's important treasures, uh, not as congregating halls or sermons of worship. Uh clergy must travel to the flock, and clerics oversee workers and provide support and admonishment to keep going. In this way, religion helps maintain productivity. Priests help cobolds affirm their devotion through living by the ideals of hard work and sacrifice.
SPEAKER_01Religion being used to uh increase productivity. This is it's interesting because that's never uh happened or continues to happen on uh human earth at all. Never.
SPEAKER_02Also the opposite. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01True.
SPEAKER_02It's used to stop productivity. Yeah, it turns out.
SPEAKER_04Yeah.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Um it's a good thing that doesn't happen.
SPEAKER_05Uh Colonel Mac is the god of the kobolds, uh, distinguished by his large size, mottled scales, and long tail tipped with a dreadful stinger.
SPEAKER_02What the hell?
SPEAKER_05This dude is part scorpion.
SPEAKER_02They don't worry about it.
SPEAKER_05They're gods, they can do whatever they want.
SPEAKER_02You know what's fair. Yeah.
SPEAKER_05Uh Colonel Mack encourages his followers to win battles by any means, retreat to fight another day, and meet out revenge on every enemy, regardless of how long that retribution takes to achieve. Colonel Mack has hated gnomes ever since Garl Glittergold collapsed a mine on him. Oh.
SPEAKER_01That's what it was.
SPEAKER_05Okay. That is literally what it was.
SPEAKER_01That okay. I mean, that would I will say that would be a valid reason to not like somebody.
SPEAKER_02Holding a grudge for a very long time. I and I mean that's within their nature, so you know we know where the cold get it from.
SPEAKER_01Fair enough. Um I yeah. So was it an accident though? Okay, no, Travis, I think it was an accident. We all love uh girls that are gold, but I'm pretty sure it was probably an I mean. It was probably just a prank, bro.
SPEAKER_02Just a prank bro. Just a prank bro. You collapsed a mine on me.
SPEAKER_05I should mention, by the way, that the holy symbol of Curtleback is a gnome skull with a pike through it.
SPEAKER_02Oh my god.
SPEAKER_01Girl glitter gold over here, like, why are you so obsessed with me?
SPEAKER_05So, okay.
SPEAKER_01You can make a religion out of this.
SPEAKER_02Poor Kurtlemack.
SPEAKER_06I mean, poor in this case, yeah.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, poor Kurtlemec. He had a mind collapsed in on him. That I mean, that sucks.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. I mean, he's a god, though. Things are not perfect. They're not, but I mean, but he's a god, so it was probably just a minor inconvenience.
unknownGod damn it.
SPEAKER_05I know I used to search at us, I'm sorry. Okay, so while Kurtlemac is reported to be a mortal ascended to the divinity, Cobbles credit Io, the ninefold dragon, for their creation. They told that when Io first created true dragons, they were originally immortal gods, less powerful than Io, but much like him. To make each of his creations distinct, Io gave each a different aspect of his personality. These divine dragons rarely got along, pursuing only one common one goal in common, the acquisition of material wealth.
SPEAKER_01Thank God.
SPEAKER_05The true dragons quickly realized they lacked the power to manipulate creation in all ways necessary to accomplish their goals, and they petitioned Ayo for aid. Ayo, being an impartial god, would not play favors with his creations and gave each dragon the same choice. He taught them how to create life by giving up a piece of themselves, but he warned that in doing so they would permanently be rendered mortal and eventually die. The life they created, however, would serve their desires without avail. Perhaps not yet wise enough to appreciate their divine existence, the dragons accepted the knowledge Io offered and departed for the world below. They took up in widely separate lands. There the true dragons did as Io instructed, each severing a single limb. Not only did each limb start growing back immediately, the severed part also grew into an adult dragon. The original true dragons thereby gained mates. Furthermore, wherever the dragon's blood had spilled, little creatures began to emerge out of the ground with alert crimson eyes, already looking up at the creators for guidance. Thus were kobolds born, during which the immortality of the true dragon slipped away.
SPEAKER_04Hmm.
SPEAKER_02Interesting, because if I recall correctly, um the blood droplets forming like new life is also a part of IO's uh history. It was one of the many beliefs that dragons had for being created.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, and also like I mean, there's aspects of that that have to do with I mean, like, I think maybe Dragonborn as well, and also like the fucking bazillion myths about the creation of Tiamat and Bahama.
SPEAKER_05Legend goes fucking deep.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, it does.
SPEAKER_05Um one more quick legend about um I want to stay forever in the supplement, but we don't have time for that. Um one more quick legend before we move on to the fourth and fifth edition. Um, but this is the ascension of Crittle Mac. Um the most venerated Cobal legend is the origin and ascension of Curtle Mac. While the particulars of the story vary from tribe to tribe, a popular version is related below. When Io gave the secret of creation to the true Greek dragons, the first dragon to put the ritual in place was K sinja. Kaysinjash. We'll go with that. Uh green dragon. The first kobold to take the form out of her blood was Kurtlamac. From the beginning, Kurtlmac was much larger than any of his kin. For this reason, Kaysinjash was always commanded, uh always commanded her kobold through Kurtlemac. As a result, the towering kobold naturally ascended to a position of leadership. When Kissinjash told the kobolds to mine for precious metals, Kurtlamac invented a pickaxe. When Kassinjash told the kobolds to tile her lair with gold, Kurtle Mac minted the first draconic coin. When Kassinjash told the kobolds to mine precious stones, Kurtlamac taught himself sorcery and learned how to divine where minerals were located. When Kisinjash's lair was say that five times fast.
SPEAKER_02Kissenjash?
SPEAKER_05When Kinsinjash's lair was finally completed, laden with platinum, filled with gold, and gleaming gemstones, she had become the wealthiest true dragon in creation. Without further need for mortal servants, she released the kobolds from their duties to embrace their own destiny. In emulation of his former mistress, Colonel Mac immediately began mining a lair of his own. Although he never asked for any help in this endeavor, he nonetheless received it, assisted by every kobold he had worked beside for the past several decades. Colonel Mack found a spot in the ground near a limitless supply of metal ore and precious stones that were waiting to be mined. Once properly unearthed, a discovery of this size could sustain kobolds for millennia and serve as the foundations for their society. With Colonel Mac uh commanding the operation, it quickly became the most structurally sound, resourceful, we designed mine the world had ever seen. Colonel Mac called it Jarstrix Hearthy.
SPEAKER_01Sure.
SPEAKER_05Um Yep.
SPEAKER_01That's a name.
SPEAKER_05A fortress fit for dragons. Nothing rivaled it. Garl Glittergold was not pleased. Oh no. He looked upon Daristrix Harthy and beheld the marvel Kurtlmack and his followers had created, surpassing any achievement his own people had mastered in the same time. While gnomes were playing useless games, kobolds had been busy working and were now fit to emerge as one of the most dominant races in creation. And so with a casual wave of his hand, Garl collapsed Curtle Mac's mind, crushing all the kobolds inside.
SPEAKER_01Okay, so that was kind of fucked up.
SPEAKER_02Okay, yeah, that was that was a little fucked up. That was not very nice. I do not condone the actions of Glittergold here. But as the uh speaker of the Gnome race, I do not condone these actions.
SPEAKER_05Um the gods were appalled and demanded an explanation from Garl, who could only sweater out that his actions were intended as a joke.
SPEAKER_02Oh my god.
SPEAKER_05As if that could somehow excuse the heartless massacre he had committed. It was just a prank pro. Garl had acted out of spite and even more degrading for the gnome god jealousy over mortal accomplishment. And yet, regardless of all the berating Garl received from his equals, not one deity came forward to reverse the damage done, leaving the crime unpunished. Then Io moved on behalf of Curtlmac. Once the ninefold dragon realized that no god would champion the cobalts, he searched through the souls of those who died until he found Curtlemac's broken body still clinging to life. Even buried so under so much rock, Curtle Mac wouldn't give up on his people, refusing to let go of his mortal form until he could find the strength to take them all out. Io gave Kurtlmac a choice. He would either empower Kurtlamac to make the strength with the strength to rebuild the mine, or he would make the mighty Kobold a champion of his people for all eternity. In this latter case, the la the loss of Darstrix Herthy would remain. The memory of what happened would endure in the minds of Kobold forever, ensuring that atrocities of this magnitude would never be overlooked again.
SPEAKER_01I'm guessing he chose the latter. Yep.
SPEAKER_05Wow.
SPEAKER_01That was a Okay, this guy kind of fucks. That that was wow. Yeah, no, I Wow, I that wasn't that wasn't that well, I mean the the the the massacre part wasn't nice. That's nice. That's nice. That's nice.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, no, I got I got nothing. That that caught me off guard.
SPEAKER_05Alright, well. Okay, so I'm about to ruin all that. Sorry. Oh no. In fourth edition, kobold's return in the fourth edition monster manual released in 2008.
unknownShh.
SPEAKER_05Fourth edition reduces kobolds back to cowardly and malicious monsters who are all evil. Kobolds dwell near dragon lairs and worship them as gods. What the fuck?
SPEAKER_04Okay.
SPEAKER_05Seriously, that's just about it. That's I'm I'm almost done describing fourth edition.
SPEAKER_06Wizards, please, can you tell me what the fuck you were thinking?
SPEAKER_05Uh so you have the cobalt minion who fight best in packs and flowers together. Then there's the skirmisher who gang up and mom attack.
SPEAKER_01Wow, wah, wah, wow.
SPEAKER_05And retreat when the fight turns against them, though occasionally alluring their pursuers into traps. Occasionally. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Okay, here's what here's a funny, here's a funny gag. Let's just like replace all of our talking in fourth edition with the parent sound from the parent sound from um Snoopy. Thank you.
SPEAKER_04Snoopy.
SPEAKER_01That's literally, listen, I'm biased, okay?
SPEAKER_02Charlie Brown.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_02Whichever one you want to go with. It's Snoopy.
SPEAKER_05No, it's Snoopy show. The dog that does not talk.
SPEAKER_01The Snoopy show.
SPEAKER_05Um, anyways, no, unfortunately, I have to say cobalt slingers are just ranged attackers who use slinging shots. Cobalt dragon shields are the tanks, and worm priests are just magic wielders whose powers are inspired by the dragon they revere. It's all in a serious step backward from the beautiful, massive supplement we just had.
SPEAKER_01Fuck off. I hate it. Also, are they are they do they only worship evil dragons? What if some of them worship Muhammad or somebody?
SPEAKER_05No, they worship normal dragons. Okay, like fair enough. Just a any dragon.
SPEAKER_01Right. Any dragon they happen to come across. Yeah, which is. I mean same. But also, fuck off. Well, what if they worship a gold dragon or silver dragon or something?
SPEAKER_02I mean, they're still evil, but they're just gonna worship that dragon.
SPEAKER_01That that dragon in question is like, is like um uh when gods are like like Asteric, for example, are like, can you can you not like can you just like not?
SPEAKER_02I really don't need this right now. Like my life is hard enough.
SPEAKER_01Right.
SPEAKER_02Like I I'm a gold dragon out here.
SPEAKER_01I'm just a gold dragon out here living my life trying to trying to get into Bahamut's uh sexy polypile. Like, I'm just living my life here. I don't need you guys worshiping me.
SPEAKER_05So uh 5th edition brings the kobold back and the 5th edition monster manual released in 2014, and then again Invola's Guide to Monsters in 2016.
SPEAKER_01Nice.
SPEAKER_05Um kobolds are I'm basically I'm really not going to read much from fifth edition because fifth edition really just kind of goes back and reset like if I wanted to make this a 10-minute episode, I would just read from fourth edition or for sorry from fifth edition. Um because it kind of just summarizes everything.
SPEAKER_02So they basically retcon fourth edition.
SPEAKER_01It was like fourth edition is it's like that meme where fourth edition like hit the button that says upgrade, but then it was like fuck go back.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Because it was not an upgrade.
SPEAKER_05Um kobolds inhabit dragon lairs, uh, they worship evil dragons as demigods and serve them. So unfortunately that part does remain. But they do actually have their religion back. I'll get back. I'll get to that. Oh, that's good. Um they um are egging creatures that mature quickly, physically weak, blah blah blah, number numbers. Uh they're tunnelers and builders, and they uh mine and they lay traps, that's all still the same. Um they this part's very it changed um what happened with Garl Glittergold. Oh in addition to the dragons they reveal, Kobolds worship a lesser god named Kurtlamax. Legends speak of how Kurtlamax served as Tiamat's vassal in the Nine Hells until Garl Glittergold, god of the gnomes, stole a trinket from the Dragon Queen's Horde. Tiamat sent Kurtlamax to retur retrieve the trinket, but Garl Glittergold played a trick on him, collapsing the earth and trapping the kobold god in an underground maze for all of eternity.
SPEAKER_01Oh shit.
SPEAKER_05For this reason, the kobolds hate gnomes and prinks of any kind. Oh Curtle Mac's most devoted worshippers dedicate themselves to finding and releasing their lob god from his resume maze.
SPEAKER_01Oh, okay. Well, you know, I will say, like, that I mean, if I were Curtle Mac, I would still be like Incredibly pissed. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. But I feel like that's kind of that's interesting, I think, in in that it's it's more of a directive instead of just a grudge. Yeah. You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_02Like they still kept the original, like, collapsing. The the the spirit on you, but the spirit of it is the same.
SPEAKER_01But I will say, like, I kind of I kind of prefer the third edition in Red Food.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I kind of prefer that one too, honestly.
SPEAKER_05But that one could be useful. Honestly, and I love this when people do this in like different stories and stuff. You can have it say you have the gnomes who say this happened, and the kobolds who say this happened, but you never really know which one's the truth. The truth is probably somewhere in the middle.
SPEAKER_01Right. Yeah.
SPEAKER_05It brings back to the earths, which are just the kobolds with born with leather wings that can fly.
SPEAKER_02Sweet. Um leather wings.
SPEAKER_05They are called they're known as gifts from Tiamat, and the wingless kobolds are envious of those gifts and don't always get along with them.
SPEAKER_01Oh, so it's a little bit of a jealousy. It's a little bit of a like a say like four armed Sahuagan. Like uh on the one hand, it is auspicious, but it also kind of m puts you in a position like that or where like they feel like they're kind of singled out in their community.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_05Um Bolo's Guide to Monsters brings back some of that races of dragon races of the dragon shine back. Nice. Uh and makes them less one-dimensional than monsters.
SPEAKER_01Nice.
SPEAKER_05Um nothing new, really, just kind of flushing their society back out and re-summarizing things, basically. Well, I mean like I said, nothing new. I really think they kind of hit their stride in Races of the Dragon.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I mean, at least they're they had the good sense to go back and like or to try to reintroduce some of that like good shit.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_01The they had back in uh Races of the Dragon.
SPEAKER_05But yeah, that's it. That's that's That's kobolds. That Das Kobolds, y'all.
SPEAKER_02Well, okay, I have to admit you did kind of bring me back in with uh some of the stories from the Kobolds. Yeah, I mean, look, not everyone is perfect. Gnomes included, unfortunately.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Glittergold, kind of an ass.
SPEAKER_01Man, I bet I bet his apology video was crazy.
SPEAKER_02You stupid. His apology video just consisted of it was just a prank. It's just a prank, bro. Jesus Christ.
SPEAKER_01God, I can't I made that joke, and then it was just a prank, bro.
SPEAKER_02Well, kind of. It wasn't a prank. He just tried to pass it off as one.
SPEAKER_05It's just a prank, bro. Uh, thank you guys so much for listening. Don't forget to follow us on Twitter, on Instagram.
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SPEAKER_01Your friends who like kobolds.
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SPEAKER_05Oh, wait. We have arrived back at our usual.
SPEAKER_02Wait, hold on. And your friends who like reptilians.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_01There we go. And your friends who like Final Fantasy 14. Your friends who like Beast Tribe Dailies.
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SPEAKER_02So which would be worse though? Being almost crushed or just being trapped?
SPEAKER_01I mean, one of those has the word eternally in it.
SPEAKER_02So the other one just has a bunch of meaning.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. That's fine.