S1 Ep5 The Awkwardness of Pause

Your phone isn’t stealing your attention because you’re weak. It’s doing it because your brain is doing exactly what it was designed to do: chase rewards. I’m Katrin, a registered psychotherapist, and I’m digging into the dopamine cycle that keeps so many of us stuck in scrolling, overworking, online shopping, and that restless feeling of “I never have enough time.”

We start by clearing up the biggest myth: dopamine isn’t the happy chemical. It’s the wanting and anticipation system. That’s why the build-up can feel more intense than the reward itself, and why tiny unpredictable hits like notifications, likes, headlines, and “maybe they’ll text back” can pull you in like a slot machine. We also talk about how inconsistency in relationships can create powerful attachment, especially when trauma, chronic stress, or early emotional unpredictability trained your nervous system to treat uncertainty as familiar.

From there, we shift into nervous system regulation using somatic therapy and polyvagal theory. If your body is constantly scanning for safety, it makes sense that stillness can feel uncomfortable at first. I share practical tools you can try right away: a sensory walk with calming audio, the five-minute pause with no phone and no inputs, and a simple 10-minute daily experiment that helps retrain your brain to experience boredom as safe. If you’ve been wondering about ADHD time blindness, fragmented attention, or why technology makes time feel chaotic, you’ll hear language that connects the dots without shame.

If this lands for you, subscribe, share it with a friend who feels “too busy”, and leave a review so more people can find these conversations.

Transcript

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Meaningful Moments Versus The Next Hit

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Morning coffee. The conversation, the walk outside, the laughter, the moments that actually make up a meaningful life. Our attention actually gets hijacked by what's next instead of what's now. Welcome back to the Clear Path Podcast. I'm Katrine, registered psychotherapist, clinic owner of Clear Path Psychotherapy, located in Stittsville, Maine. ADHD woman, burnout survivor, and someone who spent nearly four decades wondering why life seemed harder for me than it ever looked for everyone else. I'm so glad you're here today because we're diving into something that affects every single one of us. Let me ask you something. Have you ever picked up your phone to answer one text? And then uh 40 minutes later, you've somehow watched videos of someone pressure washing a driveway, learned five facts about octopuses, bought something you absolutely didn't need, and forgotten why you picked your phone up in the first place. Well, congratulations. You're not lazy, you're human. And today we're talking about why your brain absolutely loves doing this. Why do we become obsessed with certain people? Why do some relationships feel impossible to let go of? And could it be that we're addicted to the possibility of finally getting from them what we've been hoping for all along? Why can we spend 20 minutes scrolling social media only to realize it's somehow been two hours? Why do we constantly feel like we don't have enough time, even though technology supposedly has made our lives easier than ever? And perhaps the biggest question: are we actually becoming addicted?

Dopamine Is Wanting Not Happiness

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Not necessarily to substances, but to dopamine itself. Now, before we begin, let's clear up one really important misconception. Dopamine is not the happy chemical. In fact, dopamine is much more like your brain's motivation system. It doesn't simply make you happy, it makes you want. It creates anticipation. It nudges you towards seeking something, whether that's checking your phone, eating another cookie, buying something online, or getting another notification and hoping that person finally texts you back. Our brains were beautifully designed to seek rewards because historically rewards kept us alive. Food, connection, safety, learning. But in today's world, we've engineered an environment where rewards are available every few seconds. And our nervous systems simply weren't built for that. So today we're talking about why dopamine can make people feel so trapped in cycles of chasing more, and how reconnecting with our nervous system can actually help us step off that treadmill. Have you ever noticed that sometimes wanting something feels more exciting than actually getting it? Think about ordering something online. You are so excited, you refresh the tracking page, you imagine opening the box, and then it arrives. You open it, and three days later you barely remember buying it. Well, that's the effect of dopamine. The

The Power Of Unpredictable Rewards

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anticipation often creates a stronger response than the reward itself. The same thing happens in relationships. Sometimes we don't become attached because someone is actually right for us. Sometimes we become attached because they're inconsistent. One day they're warm, the next day they're distant. Our brains start wondering what happened? What did I do wrong? How do I get them back? That uncertainty actually creates powerful anticipation. Each small piece of affection becomes unpredictable. And unpredictable rewards are incredibly powerful. It's the same principle that keeps people pulling slot machine handles. Not because every pull wins, but because maybe, just maybe, the next one will. Many people who have experienced inconsistent attachment, trauma, or emotional unpredictability grow up finding themselves especially sensitive to these kinds of dynamics. It's not because they're weak, it's not because their nervous system learned that love was uncertain. So uncertainty starts feeling strangely familiar.

How Modern Life Sells Attention

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Have you ever thought about how almost every modern industry profits from attention? For instance, you've got your phone, streaming, fast food, online shopping, dating apps, even productivity. Can you believe it? We've even become addicted to being productive. Here's something fascinating about the brain. It actually adapts. Psychologists call this hedonic adaptation. Whatever becomes normal eventually stops feeling exciting. That promotion, that new relationship, that vacation, that new phone, it all eventually becomes your baseline. If we're always chasing the next dopamine spike without slowing down long enough to appreciate what we really have, life can actually start to feel strangely empty. Not because life is empty, but because our brain has become trained to expect constant, constant stimulation. We stop noticing the quiet joy, like our morning coffee. The conversation, the walk outside, the laughter, the moments that actually make up a meaningful life. Our attention actually gets hijacked by what's next instead of what's

A Sensory Walk To Reset

SPEAKER_00 6:57

now. Here's a tool I often use on my clients to help them get more centered, and it will cost you nothing but your attention span. I want for you to go outside today, and I want for you to engage and deepen your senses and be very intentional. Bring a pair of headphones with you that you can listen to. It needs to be something that's relaxing. So not rock or rap or even techno. These types of music actually make you be more stimulated. I have provided below a meditation song list that you can find through Spotify, and it's called Silent Journey. It uses different types of sounds and stimulation to help engage your vagal nerve and help to create more calm. Now, to some of you, this may actually be very boring. Well, guess what? That's exactly what I want you to engage. Start the playlist and listen to all the boring. Listen to the different sounds you can capture. Is there water? Are there different tones of music being harmonized together? Just sit still and imagine that you are in a forest that has a little creek running and you're surrounded by green, beautiful forest. And know in this imagery, you do not have allergies or bugs crawling all over you. Just imagine what it would be like to feel free. Have no worries. Now, for those of you who want a little more engagement, I would encourage you to incorporate a light walk while looking at your surroundings. Be curious with what you see. The purpose of this exercise is to engage your imagination and senses to help engage parts that are more calming rather than being filled with extra noise or over-stimulation. I would encourage each of you to do this exercise at least once or twice a week and be amazed with the changes you will discover about yourself. This changes up your daily routine and will provide a different, healthier dopamine outlet.

Tiny Notifications Train The Brain

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Let's be honest, you're not competing against your own willpower. You're actually competing against thousands of engineers whose job is to keep your attention. Social media isn't evil. Technology isn't the enemy. But you need to keep in mind that these platforms are incredibly effective at delivering tiny, unpredictable rewards. New notifications, funny videos, interesting headlines, someone liked your post, or someone viewed your post. Each one is a tiny possibility. Your brain says, maybe there's something important. So you check and then check again and again and again. It's like your brain has become a Labrador waiting for someone to throw another tennis ball, except the tennis ball never really

The Five Minute Pause Challenge

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comes. Here's another exercise for you to try. Okay, this will be hard, but I think very eye-opening for you. I call this the five-minute pause. So I want you for the next five minutes to put aside your phone as physically away from where you are. So no TV and no music either. And just notice what exactly do you feel? Where do you feel it? What emotion is underneath your urge to grab that phone? You know who I'm talking about. And actually, notice how many times you wanted to grab your phone or anything to occupy this awkward moment of pause. I have personally done this exercise years ago, and it was shocking to me as to how uncomfortable I was being made to feel to just sit with my own thoughts and pause without doing anything. I then tried to recreate this exercise with others, and it was mind-busting for me to see so many of us unseemingly going about our days and not noticing how incredibly drawn we are to any kind of stimulation. Some people would actually get angry when you told them that they couldn't have their phone for another three minutes. I mean, imagine. I know. So I made it my mission to sit more intentionally with myself and give myself five-minute daily pauses to just daydream. The result? More tolerance for boring experiences, increased attention span, and my nervous system has never felt more at ease with me.

Boredom Builds Creativity

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When was the last time you stood in a grocery line without reaching for your phone or sat in your car for a minute before getting out or simply waited? Many people can't remember. We've slowly lost our tolerance for boredom. But here's the irony: boredom isn't actually dangerous. It's often where creativity actually begins. It's where reflection begins. It's where insight begins. Your brain needs moments of stillness to organize thoughts, to process emotions, to consolidate memories. Instead, we often fill every tiny gap with stimulation. Our brains rarely get the opportunity to simply exist. What is interesting is that we try to monitor our kids' time with screens, but who actually monitors our time with screens? You see, when you take the screens away from children, at first they feel dysregulated, angry, bored, constantly telling you, I'm bored. And after some time, you will see that this very boredom is the thing that helps to increase their level of creativity. For those of you who have kids or have been around them, you'll know what I mean by my next example. Have you ever noticed that kids will have a blast with just an empty box? I know. Yes, you heard me right, an empty Amazon box. If you take away the screens and all of these overstimulating toys and present them with an empty box, they may look at you and say, What do you want me to do with this? Younger kids, they just inherently will gravitate towards it and start throwing it around or color it and maybe make it into an object. My boys love making car garages or car washes out of them. Kids will play with it for a long time, and the longer you leave them with it, the more creative they become with what they want it to be. Have you ever seen your kids do that with a video game or noisy electronic toy? The point is that as adults, we too need more tactile activities that help to increase our imagination. Things that don't interrupt our imagination and creative paths.

The Time Loop And Fragmented Focus

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Here's something I hear in therapy almost every day. I don't have time. And honestly, most of us genuinely feel that way. Yet statistically, many of us have access to technologies that save hours every week. We order groceries, pay bills online, use GPS, email instead of mailing letters. Everything is designed and supposedly faster. So why does it feel like we have less time now? Well, because we're filling every empty space, micromoments that once allowed us to rest now become opportunities for more input. Another email, another podcast, another scroll, another notification. Our brains really complete one task before beginning another. This creates what I like to call the time loop, the feeling of constantly moving without ever really arriving. We're busy all day, yet often don't feel accomplished. Our attention has become fragmented, and fragmented attention makes time feel chaotic. Now,

ADHD Time Blindness In A Digital World

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people with ADHD describe something called time blindness. It is not laziness, it is not carelessness, it's a genuine difference in how time is experienced and managed. Future events can feel emotionally distant until they're suddenly urgent. Minutes can disappear, hours can disappear, tasks can feel impossible to begin until there's overwhelming pressure. Many researchers believe differences in executive functioning and dopamine signaling contribute to this experience. What I find is really interesting is that many neurotypical people are now starting to begin to describe similar experiences. Not because they suddenly have ADHD, but because constant digital stimulation pulls attention in similar directions, notification interrupts or focus. Multitasking becomes the norm. Attention becomes fragmented, and the result everyone begins feeling like time slips away. That doesn't mean everyone has ADHD. It means many of us are living in environments that challenge attention and self-regulation.

Somatic Therapy And Body Signals

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This is where psychotherapy begins looking beyond thoughts alone. Because healing isn't just cognitive, it's biological. The word somatic simply means relating to the body. For decades, mental health focused mostly on changing thoughts, and that absolutely has value. But we now understand that trauma, chronic stress, anxiety, grief, addiction, chronic pain, and even inflammation can all involve the nervous system. Somatic therapy recognizes that our body remembers these experiences, sometimes before our conscious mind even recognizes them. Have you ever walked into a room and immediately felt tense without knowing why? Or noticed your shoulders sitting somewhere near your ears, or realized your jaw has just been clenched for three hours and you have a really hard time opening it. That's your body's way of speaking. You just hadn't translated the language yet. Somatic therapy helps people become fluent in that language. It teaches us to notice sensation before reaction, to slow down, to regulate, to become curious rather than critical. It's not about forcing yourself to relax, it's about helping your nervous system discover that safety again.

Polyvagal Safety And Stress States

SPEAKER_00 19:21

Now let's talk about one of my favorite topics, polyvagal theory. Think of your nervous system as having an internal security system. It's constantly asking one question. Am I safe? Not logically, but biologically. If your nervous system believes you're safe, your body can access curiosity, connection, digestion, learning, creativity, and healing. If it senses danger, though, even emotional danger, it shifts gears. The sympathetic nervous system prepares to fight or flee. Your heart rate increases, muscles tighten, attention narrows. This response is incredibly helpful if you're avoiding a speeding car. And a little less helpful if you're answering emails at 10 p.m. You know who you are. If the nervous system feels overwhelmed for too long, some people shift towards shutdown, a protective state associated with immobilization, disconnection, and conserving energy. The amygdala plays a key role here. Remember, this is the drama queen. Think of it as your brain's smoke alarm. Its job is not to make you happy, its job is to keep you alive. Sometimes that alarm becomes overly sensitive after trauma or chronic stress. It begins detecting smoke even when someone's just making toast. That's where therapy can help recalibrate the system. The parasympathetic nervous system supports restoration, digestion, connection, and recovery. Somatic therapy works beautifully alongside polyvagal principles because both recognize that lasting change often begins helping the body experience safety, not simply convincing the mind that everything is okay.

Regulation Habits That Actually Help

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People often ask me, so what actually works? The answer isn't one magic technique, it's actually consistency. Activities that often support regulation would include walking outdoors without constantly checking your phone. The key leave your phone. Slow breathing with a longer exhale, gentle stretching or yoga, mindful strength training, swimming. Listening to music intentionally, creative hobbies like gardening, petting your dog. And I swear by this one as dogs are emotional healers. And last but not least, laughing with people you trust. And perhaps one of the hardest doing absolutely nothing for five minutes, just sitting, not fixing, not optimizing, just being. I know it sounds torturous, but give it a try. There's science behind it. You're actively reprogramming your brain into learning to understand quiet thinking as a source of safety and not one that's based on panic. Activities that activate your nervous system into more distress are things like constant multitasking, excessive doom scrolling, sleeping with your phone beside your pillow, working without breaks. Oh, and constant caffeine to overcome exhaustion. And among the worst culprits, I would say, is alert notifications, never allowing your brain to actually finish a thought. These don't make you a bad person, they're simply habits that keep your nervous system in a state of activation. I want to offer you a small experiment, not a life overhaul, just an experiment. Once a day, I want for you to try to spend 10 minutes doing one thing. Just 10 minutes, that's it. No phone, no music, no podcast, no television. Or include one activity, such as drinking your coffee slowly, watching the birds, walking around the block, or sitting outside. At first, your brain might complain, this is so boring. I hate this. Perfect. This is exactly how I want for you to feel. That's your nervous system actually adjusting. You aren't failing, you're retraining. Here are some final thoughts. Maybe the goal isn't to eliminate dopamine. I mean, that wouldn't even be possible anyway. The goal is to become intentional about where we seek it. Do we constantly chase the next hit or stimulation? Or do we allow ourselves to discover satisfaction in the quieter parts of life? Because the deepest forms of fulfillment rarely arrive as fireworks. They're usually built through presence, connection, meaning, and safety. And those experiences compete for your attention. They quietly wait for it.

Final Reflections And Listener Ask

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I want to thank you all for spending this time with me today. If this conversation resonated with you, I'd love for you to subscribe, share this episode with someone who always jokes that they're too busy, and leave a review. It helps more people discover these conversations. And remember, healing isn't about becoming someone different. It's about creating enough safety that you can become more fully yourself. Until next time, be kind to your nervous system. Question your inner critic and remember, a constant busy brain is not a sign of being productive. It just means you are not feeling safety and calm. I'm Katrina Slani, your local therapist. Thank you so much for listening.