Marriage with a Mission / Lauri

Today’s episode you’ll hear mostly from Lauri about her life growing up in Kentucky. The goal of this podcast is to understand a little bit about where she came from and who she is.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:02

Hello again. This is Lori Espinosa with my husband Joel Espinosa. We're back with marriage with a mission. And we do believe that God has a special plan for this podcast, and that we're not just telling our story. I did always think I would write a story about how we met because it was so ridiculous. It's so crazy.

SPEAKER_04 0:32

We can all believe it.

SPEAKER_00 0:33

And we'll talk about that next time. Just getting you a little ready there. Um because it really is beautiful and crazy and uh hard to believe.

SPEAKER_04 0:44

So many details.

SPEAKER_00 0:46

Yes, so many. That God would bring someone from Mexico and someone from the United States together and the way we we came together, the way that we met, the way that we got to know one another. Um, it's it's really, really special. So I'm gonna start. This episode is gonna be me talking about me and uh life before I met Joel. I was born to Mary and Joseph. Uh they were very young when I was born. My mother walked across the stage at her high school graduation pregnant with me. She was 17, I believe, or I just turned 18. Anyway, she was very young. And my dad was really young as well. They did not their marriage didn't last very long. I was, I think I was three when they got divorced. And then my mom ended up remarrying right before I turned five to my stepdad, whom she remained ma remained married to until he passed away, I think it's six years ago now, maybe six. Five or six. And uh when my mom remarried, I moved into a house and my mom still lives there to this day. It was there was way more stability in our lives once she married, and I loved my granny, um, my sorry, mama, mama Sue, we called her. And she just took me in as if I were her blood grandchild. She did not treat me any differently. She took me to church, and that's how that's how I started getting to know. Um, that's how I started learning about God.

SPEAKER_04 2:40

Were you the first grand kid?

SPEAKER_00 2:43

I was.

SPEAKER_04 2:44

Okay. Yeah. Yeah, I was the first one for her. Yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_00 2:48

And then others, yeah, others came along later a lot more. So my yeah, I think the uh let's see, I already said that. So when I was 12, let's see, should I say anything more when I was little? My dad, so my mom and my dad were divorced. I would go and visit my dad in the summers. Sometimes I would go and see him over the weekends. My mom and dad would take turns with me. Sometimes one would get me at Christmas, and then I think I think we did it like the next year. My dad would get me, then my mom, and that was um, that was that that they figured that out and worked that out. I don't know that we always did that, it's just what I rem what I remember doing that. And I'm trying to think, what else? What else is important?

SPEAKER_04 3:39

Well, I love seeing pictures of you holding squirrels. And you told me you ran the the across the creek when it was frozen.

SPEAKER_00 3:50

I did, I did. I was a wild, I was a little wild, um, in that I like to have fun and climbing trees. I love to climb trees. Yes, I did. My dad would, whenever I would go with my dad, he would take me to creeks and rivers, and we I would just swim and he would hang out with his friends, and they would have kids, and we would just swim, and I loved it. It was the best thing for me, just going to creeks and rivers and just swimming and all that water and catching crawl dads. I loved animals and bugs. I was not afraid of them. I didn't like mosquitoes and sugars so much. I got a lot of bites from them. Yeah, but now today I get bit uh by a mosquito, and I don't they don't even leave a mark on me anymore. So that's pretty cool. We'll go. I know when our girls were smaller, like they would get bit all over, and I said, Yeah, I remember that. I remember those days. Um, yeah. So I'm gonna fast forward, I think, until I was 12. Um because this was very significant. I um ended up getting baptized when I was 12. I was at church, and from the time I was five, well, a couple months before I turned five, I was a regular attender. My grandmother would come and get me every morning, every Sunday morning to take me to church. So I was setting up in the balcony with a youth. We always sat up there, and they were playing the ha the song of uh invitation, which is the song at the end of the service to invite you up if you want to get baptized. I was singing the song, and I started to feel this literal pull on my body to go forward and receive. Uh, well, I don't know if it's receive anything, but to walk forward and to say, Hey, I want to receive Jesus Christ as my savior, and I'd like to get baptized. But I didn't want to go forward, that was really scary to me. I didn't want to step out in front of anyone, I didn't want anybody to see me. I was uh very afraid of that. So I grabbed on to the railing of the stairs because as I was, you know, you have to go down the stairs um to get on the first main floor and then walk forward. And I just kept grabbing on to that railing and I did not, I did not want to let go, but I it was the pool was stronger than than I was than my strength. And I kept going down one step, and then I go down another step, and I was hanging on for dear life. Like, so afraid of like going on.

SPEAKER_03 6:33

Oh man.

SPEAKER_00 6:34

I did not know what it is, what it was. I know now it was the Holy Spirit um drawing me forward. But at the time I did not know what was going on. I did know this though, it was time to get baptized. That's what I knew because I knew I believed in Jesus and I knew I believed in his death on the cross. And I knew I believed that he was resurrected, and it was for me to save me from my sins and give me a new life. And so I knew these things, and it was it was time. And I think the Holy Spirit was like, all right, come on. I you need a little help, I'm gonna help you out.

SPEAKER_04 7:08

Yeah, yes.

SPEAKER_00 7:10

And so as soon as that song of imitation ended, I was almost at the bottom of the stairs. And I the so the song ended, and all of a sudden, I was released from that pool. And I took a big deep breath and just sat there on the steps because it was it was a it was a big deal. It was a big deal. It was I'd never had anything like that happen to me. So moving forward, I loved church. It was wonderful, wonderful experience. There was so much peace at church. I was really happy there. I loved going every Sunday. And for me, there was never a question of do I want to go or not? Like I was just so happy at church I wanted to be there. And nobody made me go, although my grandmother had an expectation that I would go. So maybe, maybe she wouldn't make me go, but I loved it and I didn't care. I'd never felt like I was, you know, pushed or made to go. Uh I was really happy to be there until I was 15. Uh, when I turned 15, a youth pastor touched me inappropriately. Uh, I had never had anything, I'd never I'd never had any negative experiences like that at church. And so when that happened, I at first, the first time it happened, I just pretended like maybe that was an accident. Maybe um, maybe he didn't mean to do that. Maybe I'm gonna give them the benefit of the doubt. So uh then I remember the next time I was in the pool and he came up behind me and grabbed me, and it was and I knew I I knew this was not right. I felt really uncomfortable. So after that experience, I stopped going to church uh just abruptly. So of course, my mom's asking me, Why did you stop going? My grandmother's asking me, Why aren't you going to church anymore? And I told my I finally told well, I think my mom said to me, if there's something that you need to say and you can't tell me about it, can you tell your grandmother about it? And I said, maybe. And she said, I'd really like to encourage you to do that. So I called my grandmother, or she called me. My mom set it up. I don't remember how it went, went down, but I talked to my grandmother and told her what happened. And she said, Can I tell someone? And I said, No, like this was mortifying. I'm telling you, like that's huge, that's so hard. And then go and tell other people the church, no way. Although at the time, you know, I was I was a young girl, scared. But people needed to know because what if he was doing that to others to other kids, too. Yeah, and now we find out like the southern because it's a Southern Baptist church. Now we find out like what was it last year when it was all over the news, then they were talking about it, about how the Southern Baptist, or maybe it was a couple years ago, I don't know. But they were talking about how the Southern Baptist was like kind of hiding all that and keeping it all occult and just moving pastors from one church to another to another, yes, um, whenever they did hush, yeah. It was very hush hush. So um, I was one of the people, yeah, caught in that. Uh thankfully he didn't, you know, thankfully it didn't go farther, and I I'm really thankful for that. But um, but yeah, what happened was really upsetting, and I had been sexually abused in the past, and so uh I definitely got triggered um from that, and I thought, mm-mm, I can do something about this now, and I am not I am not gonna let this happen again. So I didn't go back to church for a long time. At about um age 17, I started to see a psychiatrist because my mom had some concerns for me, and um the psychiatrist recommended recommended an antidepressant at some point, and my mom was really concerned about that, which I understand because you've got these side effects that are really awful, and it was really scary for her. So I I ended my um my time with her, but um yeah, uh, let's see. I I still didn't go to church. Uh I tried to kind of do things on my own from the age of 15 to 20. I did not seek the Lord. I didn't even know, I don't even know that I really knew how to, other than just, you know, I was taught to pray, which is I didn't even know what that was. What is pray? You know, like who what are we doing?

SPEAKER_04 11:39

Um pray for the meal and that's it.

SPEAKER_00 11:42

Yeah, we'd pray for the meal and we'd pray at church. Um but I didn't know that God was like a dad and that I could talk to him and that he would talk to me, and that he, yeah. Anyway, I didn't know those things. So um I would say it was about five years, it was when I was 20, when I started going back to church, I just after doing things on my own, I just didn't, I I I was lost, I was lonely. Um I I wasn't, I I had I had had my moments, my nights where I drank so much that uh, you know, I probably should have gone to the hospital. Um I know when once I got uh alcohol poisoning because I had a a friend who was in my dorm who uh was studying to be a nurse, and so she was helping me throw up and it was awful. Like that was such an awful feeling. And I thought I don't, I don't like this. I don't like this feeling. And um, you know, a couple of years would pass and then I'd get drunk again. Um because I would be out with friends and think, oh, this is this is a good idea. I don't know. I you know, you don't expect I just I didn't expect to get drunk. I was just like, oh, I'm having fun, this is fun, and and then before you know it, yeah, I'm over the toilet throwing up, so wasn't very that wasn't very fun. But um, but anyway, at 20, I started going back to church. My grandmother had really been a big part of that. She had never pushed me, uh, but she had said, but she had encouraged me. When I would see her, she wouldn't always say anything, but on occasion she would say, Have you found a church yet that you're going to? Have you found, did you find a ministry at college? They have a lot of good ministries there at college. And I would say, No, no, I haven't. And she would, she would can she would just be just a little bit of encouragement, but I never felt like she was pushing me or um burdening me or anything like that. So uh, but anyway, at 20, I thought, you know what? I'm pretty lost and lonely. Maybe I do need to go back to church. Maybe I was really happy when I was there before. Maybe I can be happy there again. So I got involved with the youth ministry, even though I was in college, they didn't really have a college ministry. So uh so I just got involved with the youth ministry, and then I did some Bible studies, and it was amazing, it was so beautiful. I remember, I still remember going to this church, and I would say it was like the third or fourth Sunday, and um the pastor kept talking about Jesus, and I thought, my goodness, can he not get some new material every week? It's about Jesus.

SPEAKER_04 14:38

Like, what's going on?

SPEAKER_00 14:40

Well, now I know it's all about Jesus. So he was he was he was doing the right thing by teaching us about Jesus and talking about Jesus.

SPEAKER_04 14:50

Yeah, it's like the Bible is so big, and you just talk about one person. Yeah, all those stories, you need to say something else.

SPEAKER_00 14:57

Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. It's just I wasn't used to it. Yes. Um, so let's see. Uh yeah, anyway, I was doing all that, I was learning, I was growing, I was feeling the Holy Spirit, even though I at the time I didn't really know what that was. Uh now looking back, I can say, oh yeah, I was feeling the Holy Spirit at that time. God was really drawing me back to him. And it was it was really wonderful. And again, I felt lovely. I loved it. I loved church. Uh so that same year, I also graduated from college with a Bachelor's of Science at my college. Um, and I decided I didn't really want to go into the career that I thought that I started out school and thought I might want to go into, but I definitely didn't want to do more college. I knew I just wanted to finish. So I just stuck with it, finished out. It was a degree in merchandising, apparel, and textiles. And after that, I thought, well, I need to make a plan that what am I gonna do when I graduate? I nannyed a little bit and I worked around here and there. And then I then, and the more I thought about it, I was like, you know, well, actually, I had thought about going into the army when I was 17, coming out of high school, but then changed my mind. Then I thought, it was a couple of years later, I thought, no, it was my senior year of, yeah, it was my senior year of college. Um some Navy recruiters came to the hotel where I was working. I worked as a concierge on the upper floors, and they were saying, Hey, you should join the Navy. What are you doing working here? Yes, you should do something that matters. And you're in college, you'll be able to go straight in and be an officer. You won't have to be to start on the bottom. Start on the bottom. And I thought that sounded good. So I started running and doing push-ups and training. I talked to a Navy recruiter, and at some point the Navy recruiter quit. He quit um responding to my phone calls. And so I didn't know, I don't know what happened, but I didn't push. I thought, you know what? Maybe that's just not meant to be. I'm not gonna try it anymore. I'm I'm just gonna pull back. So then I said, Well, what am I gonna do? Because I have this heart to travel, I have this heart to um, I just can't stay here. I have to go somewhere. I just felt like I I have to go somewhere. So then I thought, well, maybe the Peace Corps. So started looking into the Peace Corps, and no, no, that doesn't feel right. And then I kind of stopped at full-time missions and I thought, I think this is it. I can be a missionary. I love God and I love people, so I can go tell people about God. This is wonderful. So I started filling out all my paperwork to be a full-time missionary, and I went to talk to a pastor about it, and I was telling him, hey, I'm thinking about being a full-time missionary, and I was just just kind of wanted to talk to you about it, see what you thought. And he said, Well, you know, you might just want to try a short-term mission trip if you're gonna go do full-time missions, it it might be helpful to try a short-term mission trip.

SPEAKER_04 18:13

Just to try it a little bit. And with that was with the Baptist church that they were going, you were going?

SPEAKER_00 18:19

Well, I was actually going just to an independent Christian church at the time, but when I went back home to my Baptist church, because I would go home and visit sometimes, I'd go to church with my mom, I'd stay the you know, the night there and go to church in the morning on occasion. And I was talking to the pastor there, and he said, You know, you haven't been gone that long, and you went here most of your life. I could help you um get on uh what do you what do you call it with the with the Baptists missionaries? And yeah, yeah, it's so much easier, you don't have to go around and uh like ask for money and everything because they have all the organization already there. Yes, and I thought, well, that sounds really good. That sounds that sounds really good. I I want to do that. So um he actually helped me out to get that started. And anyway, I was I was ready. Like I was ready to go do that full time, and then I went on my short-term mission trip and met you, and everything changed.

SPEAKER_03 19:22

Yep.

SPEAKER_04 19:23

So oh my goodness, yeah. Everything changed a lot.

SPEAKER_00 19:28

Everything did change.

SPEAKER_04 19:30

Yes. But your mom or your dad were saying when you said I want to be a missionary.

SPEAKER_00 19:36

I don't know that I even told my dad. I don't know that it was a conversation we had. If it was, I don't remember him saying anything about it. And honestly, I'm sure I talked to my mom about it, but I don't know. She always told me, just do whatever you want to do, be whoever you want to be. You can do anything you want. I remember when I was a little girl, she said, What do you want to be when you grow up? You can be anything. And I said, Wonder woman. And I want to be Wonder Woman. Yes. And she said, All right, you can do it. She never said to me, Oh, honey, that's just a character on the TV. Yeah. Let's be a little more realistic. No, she never did. She said, You can do anything or be anything you want to be. So I I believed it.

SPEAKER_04 20:28

Yes, she's like, Yeah, I can do it. I can do it.

SPEAKER_00 20:30

Yeah. So I know we still have 10 minutes here, and I'm I thought I had more notes on here about I'm not seeing them. Do you have anything that you remember that we talked about before when we were recording?

SPEAKER_04 20:49

Regarding you growing up. Well, um, I the things that I that we are so different. Yeah. Yeah. Like you grew up in the country, I grew up in the city. All the things that you were doing, it's like how can you do that?

SPEAKER_01 21:03

I love going barefoot. You were so embarrassed. You're like, you can't just go barefoot.

SPEAKER_04 21:10

Well, you put your shoes on. Oh my goodness. You were as comfortable as can be as like this is so different. I had a hard time with that. Really, really. Yeah. Oh my god. Yeah, that was like church. Uh did you take your sandals off?

SPEAKER_00 21:29

My god.

SPEAKER_04 21:32

Oh, I got yeah. That that that was yes.

SPEAKER_00 21:34

That's a good point. I wanna well no, I can't talk about that. That's after we met.

SPEAKER_04 21:38

Okay. Okay, the other thing uh that is that is different between you and I is that uh you uh were more independent when you were you went you went to college by yourself. You left home.

SPEAKER_00 21:55

I left home a few days before I turned 18 because that's when orientation Was and we could go ahead and move into our dorms, and I was ready. I was so ready. I was ready to go. I was ready to go.

SPEAKER_04 22:07

Yeah, I I leap home all the time until we got married, but you you were out of the house. That's a that's a big difference that I still don't get it. Yeah. I'm like, why? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why?

SPEAKER_00 22:23

I'm an American, that's why it's what we do. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 22:25

I'm like, why? That that is that is.

SPEAKER_00 22:27

We graduate high school and we're gone. We're out. We're gonna do it on our own, even if it is H E double hockey sticks. Like it doesn't matter. Like we just we go, we yeah. Yeah, yeah. But I do like I do like your way of doing things. I like that you were able to stay at home and you were able to work and save money, help the family. Yeah, because it's hard. Whoo, it was hard. Uh it's hard doing everything on your own, paying your own car payments and insurance and rent and water and electricity and on and on and on. And then you eat very little. And the things that you do eat, it's not that great. They're not healthy at all.

SPEAKER_04 23:13

That that's close to be poisoned.

SPEAKER_00 23:17

Yeah, it's pretty bad.

SPEAKER_04 23:19

Yeah, so that that's that is like okay, that is so different. So it was shocking for me knowing that. Like, why? You should be living with your parents, they kick you out. What is going on? Okay, you know.

SPEAKER_00 23:33

I do remember, yeah. I do remember saying uh when we were getting to know one of them, it was like, Yeah, I live with a friend of mine from church who rents a room out to me. Yeah, and you were like, What? You get you didn't get it. Like you asked me the question a couple times, and I was I started to feel bad because I thought, why is he asking me that question again? He why is it so hard to understand?

SPEAKER_04 23:54

Yes, yes, that that that's hard to understand. The other thing uh that I like about you the way that we are so different. You you are so besides the independent that you like to go for it. You you were like, okay, I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna do that on my own, I can do it, I can drive. I remember when you told me I took my my sister and my and my I don't know, it was your sister and your brother to Florida.

SPEAKER_00 24:25

Just my sister to Florida.

SPEAKER_04 24:26

You drove all the way to Florida.

SPEAKER_00 24:28

I was like amazing. I love the adventure. I am very adventurous.

SPEAKER_04 24:33

Adventure, that's the word that I love about you.

SPEAKER_00 24:36

No, when I came into your life, it's like, let's go do this, let's go do that. And you're like, Yeah, let's do it. Because you were you had never had anybody like me in your life who was so adventurous. And I loved that about you. That even if you had never done it, you knew you didn't know what was gonna happen or anything. You were like, hey, my she wants to do it, let's do it.

SPEAKER_04 24:56

Yeah, except with food. I'm not that adventurous with food.

SPEAKER_00 24:58

That's true, that's true.

SPEAKER_04 25:00

Yes, and there's some like okay, wait a minute, but you always encourage me and push me to be more to do more. That that that is that is so different, and um, yeah, that is so beautiful how different we are, the way that it we're up and you making fun of me, you silly boy, you don't like this. Like, are you okay doing that? It's like come on.

SPEAKER_00 25:27

I I will say, I was just looking over my notes here, and my dad used to watch Westerns. Yeah. Um, and so when I would go and visit him, he would be watching westerns. I would get so bored, so bored. You first time watching it, I might like it, but we watched it again, or we watched the second one. I need to say, I need to move, I need to get up and move. So, what I would do is I would pester my dad and he would start tickling me. And he would get me into these um holds, like in his arms or wrapped up in his legs, he'd like hold me down and I would struggle and struggle and struggle, but it got the I had so much energy built up in me, I needed to get it out, and it got it out. When he would get really frustrated with me, he would tickle me till it would hurt. Um, like he'd like put his finger hand under my chin, his thumb, and he would do like this, and it tickled at first, but then it started hurting, and eventually I'd give up because of the bigger.

SPEAKER_04 26:28

Yeah, he's like, No, I don't want it.

SPEAKER_00 26:29

Yeah, but he'd only do that whenever he felt like that's that's it. Like I'm I'm done. Um and yeah, he he that was he lived with his mother, uh, would say most of the time. Uh whenever I would go and visit him, he was with his mother. He also had girlfriends, and we would go to their houses too, uh, if he was living with them. And I do have a brother and sister. My brother is um by my mom and stepdad, and my sister is by my dad and his girlfriend um at the time. And you have one sister. Uh-huh. And yeah. I just thought that was that was kind of interesting. I also grew up watching um American Bandstand and hip hop dancers on TV. And I absolutely loved to dance. I wish I were younger so I could go take dance lessons. I just feel like I'm way too old now at this point. I don't know that I don't think I have the energy to do it. I did really, really like it. Um, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 27:36

Yeah. Well, I I like when you dance because you I can see how happy you are in the joy when you're moving.

SPEAKER_00 27:45

Who were some of your favorite uh bands when you were growing up?

SPEAKER_04 27:50

Well, when I was really little, uh my parents told me that I love listening to kiss.

unknown 27:56

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 27:58

And and it's not that I listened to that at home, it was more at my at my uncle's uh when he put the music. Uh so it was so my background and two two different families. My dad's side, it was more like traditional Mexican music, and my mom's side of the family, it was more modern music, more American music, and I love that side and the other. Um so I remember growing up, my uncles they put a little bit of Billy Joel, Michael Jackson, uh Madonna. They they listen to all the the most popular music. So I listen a little bit to that, and I always like it. But I remember my parents told me when I was little, I got he's like, You got a little wild when you were listening to kids, and you really like kids, but I was so little, I don't remember, five, six, seven, and then uh growing up to church, it was more like uh you need to listen to Christian Christian music. If you listen to secular music, that's from the devil, and that's bad. But I always like the rock music, I always love that. Um yeah, so that's yeah.

SPEAKER_00 29:08

For me, my mom always had the radio on and it was always on contemporary hits. When I would ride in the car with my stepdad, or when my mom wasn't there, um I said what I would have on uh hard rock, and then my dad was always country. My mom on occasion would switch over to country, but she was mostly but you know all the lyrics. I knew all the lyrics to all the songs because the radio was always on.

SPEAKER_04 29:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 29:38

If the TV wasn't on, like if the TV was on, the radio wasn't on, but in the car, the radio was always on, and um, really often at the house, like I said, if the TV wasn't on, the radio was on. There was always some kind of music music or sound.

SPEAKER_04 29:50

Yeah, I'm surprised sometimes we're driving like old song come compound. I don't know the song, and you're like singing, and like, okay, yep, that's another one. Another one like you yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 30:01

I liked I yeah, I liked I liked it all. I listened to it all, but mostly I was into contemporary hits, and then when I was in high school, when I stopped going to church, I would say like yeah, right around 15, I got really got into Prince, um, but just really loved Prince and I had all of his CDs and cassette tapes. I remember cassette tapes, yes, and records. I had records too, Cindy Lauper record. I remember that when I played that over and over, and and Michael Jackson. But anyway, when I was in high school, I remember loving Led Zeppelin and Prince. They were my favorite. I had everything they made, and I listened to them uh quite often.

SPEAKER_04 30:44

Now, what it was the show that you watched with your grandma a lot, you told me that. Oh that was it was Wheel of Fortune or it was Wheel of Fortune.

SPEAKER_00 30:54

Okay. Wheel of Fortune, but I think so.

SPEAKER_04 30:57

Or there was another one that you The Price Is Right? I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 31:00

The Price is Right. Okay.

SPEAKER_04 31:02

I remember you told me I used to watch a show with my grandma all the time.

SPEAKER_00 31:06

Yeah, well, that was whenever during the summers when I would stay with her, or um when I after school I would get off, or whenever I was home from school and my mom still had to work, I would stay with my grandmother. Not all the time, but on occasion. And whenever I did, that's what we that's what we would do. I did love staying with her. I love staying with my they was two grandmas. It was um Mama Sue, which my stepdad's mother, and then my stepdad's grandmother, uh, which was the mom's mom. So they were they were really good to me. They were really it was really, really nice staying over at their house. I loved it. Yeah. So we're at 32 minutes, so we better stop it now. And we'll continue on next time with uh more about us and how we met. It's about to get really interesting. Yes, I love it and fun, yeah. Yes. Okay, so yeah, thanks for listening to us and uh until next time. Bye.