Episode 5 processed their new engagement

In today’s episode you’ll hear how Joel and Lauri processed their new engagement after Lauri returned home. They were asking questions like, “Is this for real?”

Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:00

Welcome to episode five of Married with a Mission with Lori and Joel Espinosa. In the last episode, we talked about how I traveled to Mexico to meet Joel's family in December of 1999 and how Joel asked me to marry him. Today we're going to dive into the year 2000 and discuss our feelings as we were processing the engagement and planning for the wedding. So I'd like to start first because I one of the things that stands out to me is how I was feeling when I returned from Mexico. First of all, I was very excited, but also overwhelmed because you had just asked me to marry you the day before I traveled to go back. So I love the sun. I was just processing thinking, wait, I just got engaged. Wait, I'm gonna get married. Wait, how is all this gonna work out? Because we really didn't get to talk about any of that. No, it wasn't out of the sun. Mm-hmm. And so even if we could have discussed it, it was hard to because we couldn't speak each other's language very well. Yes. So I'm thinking, I know as time, you know, as the weeks went by, I was thinking, oh, this is crazy. I'm I'm not really gonna get married. Like, how is I don't think this is gonna work out. So first there was excitement and um just a lot of feelings, and then later it was, uh, is this really gonna happen? This may probably end. I don't know if this is really gonna happen.

SPEAKER_00 1:26

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 1:27

Um, but I was also excited too at the thought of it.

SPEAKER_02 1:30

And I was excited because I found somebody who loved me enough that wanted to to marry me and be with me the rest of his life. And um, it was hard to believe. Was there always somebody out there who wanted to be with me for the rest of his life? And um, so I think a part of me was just trying to protect myself, thinking, Oh, this probably isn't gonna happen, you know. This is not real.

SPEAKER_00 1:56

Yes, yeah, yeah. I remember when I told some of my friends, like, yeah, I'm gonna get married. And it's like, did she really understood what you were saying? Maybe she was thinking, let's be best friends forever or something like that, instead of let's get married. Yeah, so it's like I don't know if she understood. Did you say it the right way? Did you say so? Yeah, yeah. For me, I was really excited too. And then I was like, what is next? How we can plan all that being that far apart. How all the logistics, everything, when, how here, there. I was like, I'm still in school. I'm like, okay, I just need to keep working and save money and see how it's gonna I yeah, I don't know how I don't know how that's gonna work.

SPEAKER_03 2:50

Yeah, yeah. So I know both of us, I know we had talked about it um after we got married, or at some point, I think it was probably a couple years after we got married, and we were talking about how both of us had been thinking, eh I don't think this is really gonna happen. This this does this seems really far-fetched.

SPEAKER_00 3:09

Yeah, yes, really.

SPEAKER_03 3:11

Um so we both kind of went back and forth with our doubts, and you know, one day it would be like, Yeah, I'm getting married, the next day, I am not getting married.

SPEAKER_00 3:22

Like, no, no, like how this is gonna work. Is she I was thinking, uh is she going to believe on the promise that we made? Am I gonna believe on the promise that we made? If you that was so true and strong to pass the test of time and the distance because we were not able to see each other. Yes, there was no FaceTime, phone calls were so expensive, yes, really expensive, and email was really new. That was the only thing we were doing.

SPEAKER_03 3:55

Well, I would go to the Mexican grocery stores and buy these cards that um they were calling cards or calling phone cards, calling cards, whatever you call them. And there were tons of numbers, and it was like, okay, first you gotta dial the number to get through to the calling card, then you gotta put your code in, which is a really long number. Then I had to dial your phone number to get to reach you. Yes, and there was only a there was a limited time that we could talk about. There were like five minutes, and then I still didn't know Spanish that well, and you still didn't know English that well.

SPEAKER_00 4:28

Our conversations were so long, tried to understand the sentence.

SPEAKER_03 4:31

Like, what? Yeah, so fast, fast, fast, let's go back and forth. Yes, but it was nice just to hear one another's voice and start getting familiar. Yeah, I guess not start because we had already started, but continue to be familiar with each other's voice.

SPEAKER_00 4:47

So oh, I know, I know. I still remember the first time you called me, I was so excited and just to hear your voice. Yeah, and my my mom answered the phone. I remember it was on Sunday, and she's like, somebody, not so well, alguien inglés está hablando, somebody in English is calling. She was like, and I was like, Okay, okay, run, run. Yeah, I was so nervous, like, oh yeah, yeah. And sometimes the connection was really bad because the technology wasn't as good as now.

SPEAKER_03 5:17

Oh, the technology is amazing now, yeah, so much easier um to talk to someone in another country. So, emails I feel like were probably the best for us because we could take the time to translate. Although your emails were super short. You were just like, hello, how are you? Hope you had a good day. I had a good day, goodbye.

SPEAKER_00 5:37

And you said a few more things, but um I did this at school, or I have this game, and we went and played this way or this place, and that's it.

SPEAKER_03 5:46

So, something I'd like to say to those listening. Um, this is really interesting. Joel and I have every email that we ever sent to one another before we got married. From the first, I still have the first, you have the first postcard I sent to you. The second postcard I sent to you. Like you, we have all of our mail, we saved everything. Yes, uh, which is pretty incredible.

SPEAKER_00 6:07

I print all the emails, I believe you print your emails too, just to save and understand.

SPEAKER_03 6:12

Yeah, yeah. And I don't know, we just always kept them. Uh we just always kept them. Yeah, so that's interesting. Maybe we'll have to pull some of those out one day.

SPEAKER_00 6:20

Yeah, yeah, because I like to read them.

SPEAKER_03 6:22

Look at those.

SPEAKER_00 6:22

You're like, oh, she emailed yesterday. Oh, I remember that. And then look at it again and again. Yes, it was really special.

SPEAKER_03 6:30

Yeah. So then after that, um, I wanted my mom to meet Joel and his family and your family. And I went to my mom, I said, I don't remember like exactly what I think.

SPEAKER_00 6:45

I think also she wants to know what family you were getting into.

SPEAKER_03 6:49

Oh, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 6:51

But this was around, I don't know when this was. I was gonna say this is around blank, but I don't know when. But sometime after we got engaged. Well, when I came back, one thing that I didn't mention is I um I told my mom we were gonna get married, and she said, Oh, I knew you were gonna, or I wait, I got engaged. And she said, I knew you were gonna come back engaged. How did you know that?

SPEAKER_00 7:13

Yes, she was fine with it.

SPEAKER_03 7:15

She was fine with it. Um my dad had a little harder time with the news. He just said, Yeah, whatever, that's not gonna happen.

SPEAKER_01 7:24

Yes, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 7:25

Kind of like your friend said, Yes, yes. Um, so then at some point I started talking to my mom about coming to visit, and it was um when did she come? June or July?

SPEAKER_00 7:41

I think it was in June. Okay, yeah, I believe it was June or July, but I I think it was June. Let's say June.

SPEAKER_03 7:47

So my mom and I bought tickets and we traveled that summer of 2000. And Joel and his parents got to meet my mom, which was pretty incredible. My mom loved it.

SPEAKER_00 8:01

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 8:02

Uh, she was very happy there, she was very happy with the family that I was marrying into. She loved Joel. She said that I couldn't have married anyone better, she couldn't have picked anyone better out for me, and that was really encouraging for me. And it was just really sweet. We had a really fun time when we went. Your parents and you took us around uh to different places, or it was more you, your parents were.

SPEAKER_00 8:27

It was more me. Yeah, my parents. No, but when you arrive on Sunday, you were not expecting what was gonna happen.

SPEAKER_03 8:35

No, I wasn't.

SPEAKER_00 8:36

That was so good. That was so good. You're like, Oh, why do you didn't tell me, Lugo?

SPEAKER_03 8:42

I arrived, and Joel says, Would you and your mom like to go change? Because we had on shorts and t-shirts.

SPEAKER_00 8:49

We're traveling all day.

SPEAKER_03 8:51

It was hot, it was summer, and we'd been you know, sweating from being on the plane, and then the drive from Mexico City to the town, like, oh my goodness, we were so tired. And um, so we get there, and Joel says, Would you like to change? And I said, Well, no, I mean, I'm fine in this. I only brought so many clothes, and we're gonna be here so many days. Yeah, I don't think I want to change. And he's like, Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_00 9:22

Yeah, and we have the the table set up ready to eat launch together.

SPEAKER_03 9:27

But I didn't need I didn't know anything, so then people start arriving. Aunts start arriving, uncles start arriving, cousins started arriving, my grandfather, grandfather, my pastor at the time, the pastor and his wife and their kids.

SPEAKER_00 9:40

Yes, yes.

SPEAKER_03 9:41

I mean, it was big, it was fat, and people kept showing up more and more and more. And I thought, wait, what's going on?

SPEAKER_00 9:48

Yes, what happened?

SPEAKER_03 9:50

Are we just meeting everyone? Hopefully, we're just meeting everyone, right? That's what's happening. They want to say hi, they're so nice and so proud. Well, they are, it's true. They would have just done that.

SPEAKER_00 10:00

Yeah, but you didn't know what it was coming.

SPEAKER_03 10:01

But I didn't know. So, what was coming?

SPEAKER_00 10:04

So, the tradition in Mexico is that you la pedida, that means my dad needs to talk to Lori's parents, but in this case just the mom, because your mom is the one traveling, to ask your hand for marriage. So, but we were planning all that, but you didn't know, and I didn't say anything.

SPEAKER_03 10:24

Sweet dad, he translated how to say this in Spanish. Yeah, we but he didn't know how to say daughter in Irish.

SPEAKER_00 10:31

In English, not Spanish. Sorry, English. From Spanish to English. Because we were just doing the the the the uh dictionary. Yes, we didn't know the pronunciation.

SPEAKER_03 10:40

Oh, it was so sweet, it was so sweet, and and his dad stood up and he had he had some things to say and he was nervous and he kind of giggled a little bit. And then he had this paper, everything written down, and then he said, Okay, okay, I can do this.

unknown 10:55

Yes, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 10:56

And and he said, and we have the video, we have the video of that. I would like to watch that again.

SPEAKER_01 11:01

Yes, yes.

SPEAKER_03 11:03

And he said, Okay, um, and he tried to say my mom's name, and he said, I'd like to ask for your daughter's hand in marriage, but he said dog hair instead of daughter. Um and I thought, dog hair, dog hair. Oh, oh, he's trying to say daughter.

SPEAKER_00 11:17

Yes, but what is that what is that what more is that yes?

SPEAKER_03 11:20

Yeah, because he said in marriage, and so it was really sweet, and my mom was just felt so honored, yes, and that was her first day there, and she said, Yes, you can have my daughter's hand in marriage. Um so that was really sweet. I actually have some pictures.

SPEAKER_00 11:40

Okay, hopefully they can.

SPEAKER_03 11:41

And I really don't know the best way to do this because Joel and I are just starting out.

SPEAKER_00 11:45

We are not tech savvy too much. Yeah, it's just no.

SPEAKER_03 11:49

I'm just gonna show you some pictures. If anybody, I know this is a podcast, so you're driving cars. That's the food for that day. That's okay. So I'll go ahead and show you pictures here.

SPEAKER_00 12:07

That's when we went to uh tell them where we were. That was uh at the pyramids, we're going up the pyramids, yes. That's at the pyramids. When we were able to walk upstairs last time that we went. Oh I know, I know, it's so cute, so cute. I love it, I love it, I love it.

SPEAKER_03 12:33

This is uh Yes That is so nice This is Joel's gun asking Yes.

SPEAKER_00 12:49

Yeah, that's what it is, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 12:53

This is Joel getting the ring Yes in the ring asking. I've got a few more pictures towards the end that I'll show you.

SPEAKER_00 13:08

Well, and talking about the ring, I didn't have the money to buy the ring a good ring for you. And I remember at that time, um my sister, future more-in-law, she used to sell uh jewelry. And I remember I went with my sister to her house and it's like I need help. I don't know, I don't know how much how things cost and what is pretty, what is not. And I remember I think I asked you, or maybe I didn't, what size ring you you I think you did.

SPEAKER_03 13:38

I think, yeah, because that might have. But you had to have known what size.

SPEAKER_00 13:42

If not, I asked my sister just to try them on, and we are guessing one or the other.

SPEAKER_03 13:46

I don't remember.

SPEAKER_00 13:47

But uh, I remember uh I picked the one that I was gonna be able to afford, and I paid. I don't know in how many months I paid that. It was like okay, I'm gonna give you X amount of money every week, each month until I finish paying for that ring.

SPEAKER_03 14:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:03

And uh and I remember uh I don't know if you still of course I wear it every day all the time.

SPEAKER_03 14:09

I know I don't take it off.

SPEAKER_00 14:11

It's still there after 20 years.

SPEAKER_03 14:13

So it's more of an what do you call an anniversary ring? Um, in the way that it's flat, it doesn't have uh I remember feeling like, oh, that's really sweet, but that's not the typical engagement ring that I would get. The huge diamond that is that someone would get, but I was happy with it, and I love it because I can wear this ring anywhere all the time. I don't have to take it off, it doesn't snag on things.

SPEAKER_00 14:37

Yes, and and the little baby uh diamonds is still there.

SPEAKER_03 14:41

Yep, everything's still there after all these years, 25. We're still it's still hanging on it. It is a very nice ring.

SPEAKER_00 14:49

Yes, I love it, but I work hard for that ring. Yes, uh, because that was what I was thinking.

SPEAKER_03 14:55

That's not something you all do in Mexico, right? You don't give a ring for engagements.

SPEAKER_00 14:59

No. Um I I think yeah.

SPEAKER_03 15:03

You don't know.

SPEAKER_00 15:04

I don't think so, but it was it's more the pedida, the party requesting from the two families to get together, and the uh father of the future husband is gonna talk to the other family and request and get the agreement at like a big party. That's what they did.

SPEAKER_03 15:20

Yeah, you don't really do the ring.

SPEAKER_00 15:22

No, I don't think so. Maybe now it's more tradition, who knows?

SPEAKER_03 15:25

Yeah. But um, you're like, I don't know anything. Somebody tell me and help me.

SPEAKER_00 15:31

Yes, yes, please. I don't know anything.

SPEAKER_03 15:32

But I love my rings.

SPEAKER_00 15:34

Well what what I know is like I need to work and start saving more money if I want to actually get married and have things. Yes.

SPEAKER_03 15:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 15:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:46

That was yeah, and uh we went to the pyramids, we went to Mexico City, uh downtown to go to see all the archaeological uh sites. Uh okay, this is the best. So I remember one morning Lori's mom is like, let me fix breakfast. She was so happy. So she was with Lori, translating, asking mom, my mom for all the ingredients. And I remember your mom fixed eggs with biscuits and gravy. Yes, I never had that, never, never. That was amazing. I I was in love with the breakfast now. It's like, oh wow, this is so different. Gravy, I never had gravy before. It's like, whoa, this is mind-blowing. It was so good. I I love that.

SPEAKER_01 16:38

Yes, I love that.

SPEAKER_00 16:39

So that was that was really special. And you you and your mom trying new food too from Mexico. But for me, that was that was special. That was really good. And uh, oh, I remember your mom was trying the the corn on the cob, the Mexican corn on the cob.

SPEAKER_03 16:54

Oh yeah, now they have it, now they're selling it like in restaurants here. It's not the same, it's not the same, but it's something similar, similar, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:02

It's similar.

SPEAKER_03 17:02

Yeah, I remember there's uh uh corn on the cob and it has you put uh lime juice all over it, mayonnaise, chili powder, chili powder salt, and then in Mexico they put cheese on top of it. I never did like the cheese, it didn't make sense to me. I just liked it better without cheese.

SPEAKER_01 17:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 17:21

So I didn't do the cheese, and I but we still make it here at home. It's way different when you buy it from a vendor on the street than making it at home.

SPEAKER_00 17:29

But the other thing that I I remember a lot is your mom was telling you that you can stay, you shouldn't go back to the US.

SPEAKER_03 17:36

No, not shouldn't. She said if you want to stay, then I will help you do whatever you need to because she saw how sad we were. She saw how sad it was. And actually, I have that's the picture I was saying for saving for later. I keep rubbing against this, hope it doesn't make a lot of loud noise on the other end. Yes, we were we were so sad and we did not want to separate, but I knew I had a car, I had student loans, I had things that were keeping me back in the United States. So I knew I had to go back and work and get some of my student loans paid off, maybe all of them if I could, yeah, and sell my car and get things in order. I couldn't just I couldn't just stay, but yeah, my mom was really sweet. She she felt our pain and she didn't want us to be separated either.

SPEAKER_00 18:39

Yes, and it's so so beautiful how in this short of time we got so close, like um like how how can you describe that? I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 18:53

I don't know, there was just a really special connection.

SPEAKER_00 18:55

Yeah, a connection, thank you, yeah. And it was amazing. Still, still is, but it's like God planned all of these, we didn't.

SPEAKER_03 19:07

Right.

SPEAKER_00 19:08

We is like God just flipping the switch on me, and then you was like, Okay, no, yes, now it's on, and that's it.

SPEAKER_03 19:16

It was like okay, it was yeah, because before you met me, you said you had no interest in girlfriends. You had a few girlfriends because every because all the other guys you had to do is and you thought, I need a girlfriend because everybody else has a girlfriend, it's just what you do, yeah. But you never really have that desire. You didn't have a desire to marry anyone, you didn't it wasn't on my radar.

SPEAKER_00 19:40

I was just doing the things that I loved doing and I was having fun. Yeah, I was enjoying all the things that I was doing. Yeah, you were happy. Yeah, I was really happy. I was really happy in my own bubble. Yes, yes, but when when I saw you, it's like, oh, and I I remembered, yeah, that that voice in my head is like that's the one. It's like what is that? But yeah, that is that is really special.

SPEAKER_03 20:08

I I think we can finish it now. I didn't start the timer, so I don't know how long I've been going, but we're trying to stick with around 30 minutes.

SPEAKER_00 20:15

Yeah, I think from here out.

SPEAKER_03 20:17

I know the last two were almost an hour, but we feel like people are more likely to listen if we stick around 30 minutes. So we're gonna try to do that. And next time we will talk about me moving to Mexico and all the preparation to get married and the wedding and all that. Yes, yes. So thanks for listening, and I hope you can join us next time when we talk about the wedding. I mean, who doesn't like weddings, right?

SPEAKER_00 20:45

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 20:46

All right, goodbye.

SPEAKER_00 20:47

Okay, bye.