EP 3: DATING ETIQUETTE 101: LESBIAN EDITION

Let's all make this the standard yeah?

We can do it breds. I believe in us hahaha.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

We really be out here do podcasts would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land on which we gather today. The Darug people of Darug Country. I pay my respects to elders past, present and emerging. Always was, always will be, Aboriginal land. Hello, welcome to We Really Be Out Here Doe Podcast. I'm your host, Kate, and this week's episode of The Pod is Dating Etiquette 101 Lesbian Edition. Um I'm gonna start off this podcast episode by uh going over how my last week has been, as per usual. So your girl is in love, breads. Like I I have a crush on someone, and when I have a crush on someone, it's zero to fucking a thousand. Like I'm fucking hopelessly devoted to you type of thing, brief style. Um so now that I'm like literally laying on my belly kicking my feet thinking about someone, I'm like on cloud nine and I'm just like please nothing go wrong, like let me enjoy this bit of um happiness, please. Um so I mean that's been really enjoyable, but um uh other than that, um this last week I was supposed to be in Thailand, um, which, as you guys know from last week, if you were tuned in, um, my trip got cancelled. But it's actually worked out for the best. Um, all of the care arrangements that were organized for my kids for this last week, anyway, pretty much had to be cancelled due to like medical emergencies from those people. So it wouldn't have worked anyway. It was obviously the universe was telling me that it was just not the time to go on that trip. So I'm listening to the universe, it wasn't meant to be. Um, that's all good and well. I got to have a lot of one-on-one time with my babies, which I really, really enjoyed. Um, I was just soaking up that, just you know, having quality time with them, doing all the things that they want to do. Um and yeah, just enjoying being a mum. Um, because I had this week planned to be in Thailand, I didn't have any work booked in. So, yeah, it's just been me and the babies and yeah, having a ball really with them. So that's pretty much been my week. Nothing like too much to um write home about, you know what I mean? Um also like the things that have been like uplifting me this week. Um, I found like a few songs that I've just been like listening to on repeat. And when I like a new song, I listen to it like 50 million times. So a few of those songs, just FYI. Tennessee whiskey, oh my fucking god, that song, bruh. Oh, I just love it. Another one is Sippin' Tea in Your Hood by XXX Tentacion. Oh my god, I fucking love that song as well. Um, there was another one, oh You're not broken. I can't remember who sings it, but it's like a metal song that's been on repeat. Uh, there's like a picture of a scary clown like as the album cover for that song. Um, Cold Place Arks, I think it's called, is another one on repeat. Um I think that's the ones I've got on repeat at the moment. Yeah, so it's a bit of a mixed bag, but oh my god, those songs when I listen to them, it just makes me so damn happy. Okay, so this week's episode is dating etiquette 101 lesbian edition. Okay, so I've made a list. I've been on my fair share of dates, and I will say that I identify as I guess you could call it an alpha femme, or some people call it a DOM Femme. I don't want people to get the wrong idea by the DOM title though, because I don't mean dominatrix femme. I mean a dominant femme as in I present feminine, but internally I I'm not masculine, but I just I lead, I take the lead, I pursue, I um I do the things I guess a typical masculine lesbian would um be assumed to do, if that makes sense. So um that just means that like I don't treat women or view women in a lesbian relationship as one being a man and one being a woman. I see it as two women, so I'm going to treat you accordingly. Do you know what I mean? And I think the way I view women in dating experiences is I think I put women on a bit of a pedestal. I have a lot of respect for women and I feel like they need to be treated like queens or should be treated like queens. I feel like that's the way it should be. Um so I guess I kind of have that Cinderella Prince Charming kind of a vibe, and I guess I kind of see myself as Prince Charming. I try anyway, right? But in saying that, I've got some dating etiquette tips, I guess you could say, that I want to put out there because even before I came out of the closet as lesbian, I've been on my fair share of dates with women and men. And something's rubbed me the wrong way, Brahma. So I need to get this out there. Everyone, come on, let's all get on the same page, let's all get on the same wavelength. Um, all right, here it is. If you're going on a date, number one, please, for the love of God, continue your hygiene. I don't I know that I shouldn't even have to bring this up, but it's number one because it's so important. If you're going on a date and you stink, why? Just why? You have a shower, like use it. Um, I would like to recommend Dovebar soap. Fucking hell. Anyway, okay, so now that that's out there if I'm going on a first date, I'm on my A game. I've got my nails done, I've got my waxing done, I've got my makeup tea, I've got my hair tea, uh, my outfit tea, I'm fresh out the shower on my A game. So um, I feel like it's the least you can do for the person you're going on the date with. On that same note, I am also aware that sometimes people are super sensitive to smells. So with my perfume that I wear, I might only do like one or two sprays, you know what I mean, so that it's not too strong, just in case they're one of those people who get migraines. Um if the scent is too strong. But yeah, I think that's just respectful for the person you're going on the date with, you know what I mean? Okay, now that that's out in the open, let's move on to point two. Um, okay, so whoever is asking the person on the date and organizing it and everything, I feel it should be assumed that that person is paying. In saying that, I think it's nice to offer, but um like I'll never let my my date pay for the first date, like I will fight to the death, it's just the way I was raised. Um but I do think it's nice to offer, you know what I mean? Um I know sometimes femmes just expect the the masculine, for example, to pay for the date or whatever. Um but I do feel like that's a bit outdated type of thing. Like there's nothing wrong with chivalry, but um yeah, I don't know. But I also kind of identify as like an alpha femme, I think you would call it, or a dom femme, not to be mistaken for a dominant um dominatrix because I don't want anyone mixing that up. What I mean is that I'm femme presenting, feminine presenting, but um yeah, I do kind of like to take the lead, and um I guess not that I'm like mas masculine inside, like I wouldn't say that like I'm a tradey or anything like that, like I don't know how to describe it. Well, I suppose tattooing is a trade, so maybe I am a tradeie. I don't know. In lesbian land, maybe I am a tradeie. Um but yeah, there's a whole other thing, but yeah, I don't know. I just think if you're the one organizing the date um and doing the pursuing, it it should be assumed that you're that you're paying for the date, you know what I mean? And you're looking after that type of thing. Okay, all right, moving on to the next point. Be on time, like punctuality, guys. Like, um, I feel it goes a long way. If you're running late for a reason, obviously give the person a heads up. Like, there's nothing worse than like sitting at a table and being like, Am I being stood up right now? It's only ever happened to me one time. Um, and this was many years ago, and it was actually with a guy, so uh, it's made it onto this episode because I remember the feeling of waiting. Like, I was like, Are you on your way? Like, whatever. And they had actually like forgotten about the date, and they were like, I'll be there in 20 minutes, and they rushed over, and obviously, because they didn't know they weren't like you know, you could tell that they obviously were in bed or something, so yeah, but I don't know, it's just like it left a bad taste in my mouth, and I was like, I never want anyone to ever feel like that, so I always make sure, like, if I'm going on a date that I try to be there before the other person. Um, but yeah, obviously, like some things are out of your control and whatever, so you know what I mean. Um, yeah, um, on that same note, I feel like if you need to cancel a date or whatever, like just you know, that's fine, like things happen and whatever. Just give the person a heads up, like as far in advance as you can, you know what I mean. Um, I think that's just the nice thing to do. Um, but yeah, okay, next point flowers on the first date. This is a bit of a hot topic, um, because I feel people are very divided on whether or not you should do that. Um, I think having a conversation with the person you're going on a date on first to to gauge whether they even like flowers is a good starting point because, like, for example, um a girl I was going on a date with, I asked her if she liked flowers. She told me she didn't. She said that she um prefers hats. So I got her a hat and um she still wears it, and when I see her wear it, it makes me feel good. So, you know, and that lasts longer than flowers, you know what I mean? So, um, but yeah, and also like I think it depends where you're at as well. Like sometimes if you're going to a restaurant or like a bar or something and you're bringing flowers, it's like they're gonna have to like sit on the table or under the table or um carry them around, and it can be a bit inconvenient. So, unless you're like picking them up from their place and they can put the flowers inside, or like um, you know, if maybe if it's a picnic or something, you could you could do like bringing flowers because it doesn't matter type of thing, but yeah, it just depends. I don't know. Some people see flowers on the first date as love bombing. I personally don't, I think it's sweet, and I like I love romance, so I don't see it that way, but um, yeah, some people might see it as a bit intense as well, but I guess that also depends on what your intentions are, like going into the date. If it's a more casual thing, I don't think like you'd show up with flowers, like do you know what I mean? But yeah, so um, and also like if you don't want to bring it on the first date, you could always bring it on the second date, um, once you get to know them a bit better. But yeah, that's just my take on it. Um you could like casually ask the person what their favourite flowers are, but yeah. Um yeah, which brings me to my next point, which is intentions. Like, I think the first date is a good time to put your intentions on the table so you're not wasting anyone's time, you know what I mean? Like, if you're wanting something casual and the other person's wanting something long term, you know, it might be a bit awkward to bring it up on the first date, but it's like, you know, would you rather find out six months down the track? And you know what I mean? Like, and I understand, like, sometimes people's ideas change, but when they change, let the person know, you know what I mean. But also, if you find out on the first date, then you know what you're in for, you know what I mean? And you can be flexible, you could be like, Look, I want to be in a long-term thing, but I really like this person, so I'm open to whatever they're open to, you know what I mean. But yeah, just have that conversation. I feel like that should be a standard, you know what I mean? Just put your intentions on the table so everyone's on the same page, it's just respect, you know what I mean. Um, okay, so next point. Um, I think at the end of every first date, if no one has run away and there hasn't been any obvious like conflict or like you know, just where you can just pick up the vibe is just off and everything has gone well. I think lesbians, I know like, you know, we're just like sometimes scared to make the first move because you're both girls and yada yada. But I think if you wait till the end of the date and you're about to say goodbye, and then you're like, you know, like I really enjoyed my time with you, you know, can I kiss you? Or you know, would like would you mind if I gave you a kiss or whatever? I think that's respectful. You're asking permission, they can always say no. Um, and then worst case, you have like a cute first kiss, and it doesn't have to be like a full Frenchie. Like, I got a peck on the lips, and I was dreaming about that kiss for months. Like, don't underestimate the power of a peck, you know what I mean? It doesn't have to be full on, but um, yeah, I think that's cute, and um I think yeah, like that's something that then as well like separates you from being mates, you know what I mean? But anyway, next point. Um if you don't like that person um after your first date for whatever reason, and if you listen to my last week's episode, sometimes the reason is like completely out of your control, like when I said that guy reminded or looked exactly like my cousin, that was not his fault, you know what I mean. Um, so you know, there's so many reasons why you know a person might not be into you. Um, instead of just like blocking someone if you don't like them on that date or whatever, I think the respectful thing to do is just like send them a message and be honest and open about the actual reason why. Um I think it's just respectful, and then they're not sitting there going, Oh, what's wrong with me, or like whatever, you know what I mean? And then it's kind of like closure as well, and then you can decide if you want to be mates, or you could just say, like, look, you know, we just our morals don't line up, or whatever it is, and then wish them well, you know what I mean? I think that should be across the board, so let's just make that happen in lesbian land. Like, can we all agree on that? We'll shake hands on that. I think that should be like the standard, you know what I mean? Okay, moving on. Um, little gift. Okay, for me, I'm a gift giver, right? And if I really like someone and I'm before the first date talking them uh talking to them for a long time, and I know a lot about their interests, little things that they like, and I've been listening to the details and things like that. I really like to come with a little gift, you know what I mean? Not anything like extravagant, just like something little um to show that I thought about them. Um, I know some people might be put off by that or see it as love bombing or whatever, which is why I think it's important to keep it as something little. Um, but that is something that I love to do, and I know if someone did that for me, I would be swept off of my feet, you know what I mean. Um, so I think yeah, like just showing that you listen when the person's talking about like their interests and stuff, like um is meaningful, and I think it's so sweet and romantic, and then you've got something at home that reminds you of the other person, and yeah, I don't know. I think it's really cute. Um, but yeah, obviously, you don't have to do that if you don't feel comfortable doing that. Um, that's just like I guess something a little extra that you could do, I suppose. Alright, next point chivalry. Chivalry is not dead bread. Like, I had a friend, I wasn't even on a date with her, and she was a masculine lesbian, and when we were out, she was walking ahead of me and opening the every single door for me that I went through, every single one. She'd I'd go to grab the handle, no, no, no, I'm doing that. You know what I mean? Opening the car door for me for me to get in the car, um, offering to pay for drinks, offering to give like cigarettes and stuff like that. I thought that was so romantic, even though she was just a friend, and it really stuck with me, and it really like gave me a lot of respect for her because I was like, wow, she really like respects women, and I want to do that for people too, you know what I mean. I think it makes them feel safe and valued, and I think it's romantic, you know what I mean? So um, I'm definitely shy, so and if I'm with someone who's a bit more masculine, I will give them the chance to to come through. But yeah, the way that I kind of have done that in the past is like I will carry like the person's bags or whatever, like I do that kind of a thing. Um, but yeah, like as far as like opening doors and things, that is something that I want to do. Um, so I just need to grow some balls and do it, don't I? Um, yeah, because I think it's very sweet when someone does that for you. So anyway, okay. So there's that chivalry's not dead. Next one, songs, yes. So um I find that I attach songs to people or to time periods, you know, songs can be very nostalgic, it it can transport you back in time and things like that. I'm sure everyone feels the same way, you know what I mean? So, like, for example, if you guys are in the car together and you're driving somewhere and you're playing songs, I think it's cute to be intentional about what songs you're playing while they're in the car with you and kind of match it to how you feel about the person. I think like underlying messages in songs is it's so MySpace error, like you know, when you're picking songs to be like your um like the song that plays when you go on the MySpace page or whatever, like to represent you or whatever, or um well even these days, like on Instagram, how you can pick like a song to represent your mood or whatever. I just think I love that, you know what I mean. So if you can tie a song to a person um or to a date, I think that's special and really cute. So yeah, I don't know, um something to think about anyway. Um yeah, oh okay, next point holding hands. So I once went on a date with someone, and we were walking down Newtown, and um we were looking at something like through a window, and then they went and held my hand. Um, this was before I came out as a lesbian or whatever. But I remember when that happened, I was just like, they and mind you, they were like really sweaty. They were obviously nervous to do it. Um, but I remember like it made my heart skip a beat when they did it because I was like, Oh, they're holding my hand in public, like whatever. I don't know. I really, really liked it. So I suppose you could always try to do that, but like obviously gauge like if the person, you know, likes physical touch or not. Some people like physical touch is like a huge ick to them. So I suppose you could always like have a conversation about love languages if they're in tune with that kind of thing, or you could ask if they're a hugger or whatever to kind of like you know, if if someone says they're not into hugs, they're probably you know, like physical stuff is not their forte, so I wouldn't do it to anyone who's like that. Um, but yeah, I think that's something cute you could always do on a first date as well. So that's pretty much summing up everything etiquette-wise. Now I'm gonna move on to icks. So there's only a few, but um, okay, number one ick. If you go a whole date and they haven't asked a single thing about you, and it feels like you're interviewing them, that is an ick. It's giving narcissist, it's giving sociopath, it's giving you're my fan. Like a bit of back and forth. This has only ever happened to me one time, but um, yeah, so I think that's something to keep in mind. That was the first girl that I ever went on a date with ever, which was many many years ago. But yeah, just something to keep in mind, keep it reciprocal. I suppose if you're going on a date with someone, like surely like you you like them, you know what I mean? Like, surely you want to know something about them. Um, what you'd think, but yeah, let's just all get on the same page of that. Okay, next one. Don't flirt with other people on the first date. This has happened to me twice. One time I was on a date, and we went to like a service station because they wanted to buy cigarettes, and they literally started flirting with with the person behind the counter, and I was like, hello, like I was literally standing there while they were like flirting, and I was like, This is awkward, and and then it happened another time, but anyway, yeah, like don't do that, like pay attention to the person you're on the date with. Um, yeah, all right, next one. Oh yeah, unsolicited picks. I know that I've come out as lesbian. Um, I thought unsolicited picks were only a thing that straight guys do, apparently not. I've been getting a lot of unsolicited pictures. I don't want anything unsolicited breads, and it comes down to consent. Like if I want to see anything, it's gonna be clear as day that I would be okay with that. If you don't know whether the person likes you and you're coming in hot with an unsolicited pick or better yet, a graphic video bread. Um please don't do that. Maybe like see if the person likes you first and like gauge where they're at before like doing something as bold as that. You know what I mean? Just because I'm a lesbian doesn't mean that I um just want to see private parts all the time type shit. You feel me? I don't know, other people might feel different and be like, yep, inbox is open, you know, send away. It's just not it for me. I think it's a consent thing, but yeah, and also if if someone is saying to you, hey, like I'm not interested, or you know, they're trying like they tell you that um, hey, look, like I can tell you like me, and I I don't want to lead you on, so I'm just letting you know where I'm at, like you know, I'm in a situation, or I'm you know, not feeling the same, or whatever, um, or I'm not enjoying getting these videos, you know, but you're a great girl and whatever, and um, you know, I hope you can respect my boundary, and they don't respect your boundary, and then they keep pushing to do that kind of stuff. That is an ick, bruh. Like, it's giving that you don't understand what consent is. So I don't know, sort yourselves out if that's you. I hope that like I don't want to embarrass y'all, but like if that's you, maybe like look up what consent is and then like try and understand what consent is, Brads. Maybe I need to do a podcast episode on consent. Um, surely not though, right? But yeah, this is the day and age we live in, guys. It's um it's scary out there, Brett. Anyway, you'll be safe out there. Um, that concludes this week's podcast episode Dating Etiquette 101 Lesbian Edition plus some Ix bonus. Um, yeah, if you liked this episode, feel free to send me a DM. I love getting your guys' feedback. If you want to give me a five-star review on Apple, I would so appreciate that as well. Um, and yeah, stay tuned for next week's episode. It will be out next Friday. Uh, you can catch me on TikTok Big Bad Kate um and on Instagram Pink Ladies Tattoo. And yeah, alright, I'll catch you guys next week. Bye.