let yourself crash out!!

This episode kind of goes all over the place (in the best way).

For the love of all things holy let yourself feel anger and rage without attaching a story to it and making it mean something about you. Your emotions are just data guiding you inward.

When things come up let your self feel it and ride it like a wave, instead of allowing it to take over and crash onto you like a tsunami!!

This episode is really just a reminder that you don't need to keep fixing yourself or searching outside of yourself. You don't need to keep waiting to feel ready to start. 

Clarity comes from momentum. Start moving in any direction to gather the evidence and data to guide you home to yourself. 

I am so happy that you were here for the first video pod and I cant wait to see what the future has in store!

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Come to Costa Rica With Me // Nov 15-Nov 22 

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:02

Hey! Welcome back! Welcome back. This is my first YouTube video, and I'm was trying to film it originally on this bad boy. And I thought, and if you're watching if you're listening to this audio and not my YouTube, I thought I could plug this microphone, USB-C, into this camera. And no. So I just plugged it into my phone. It's like really crazy how much you can actually do with just your phone. So like if you're like, I'm not starting because I don't have the right equipment. Bitch, if you have a phone, you have the right equipment. Um, I also can't see myself, so I'm really hoping that this is on my face and that I look okay. Also, this blanket, if you're watching the YouTube video, this is my great-great great-grandmother said this, and all these little patches that you see are from her clothing, apparently. And it's crazy because I got this from my grandma's house because my grandma just moved, and I was like, I really want to start working with my ancestors, so I got this blanket or this quilt, and then and then I got that reading done that I was talking about in my first episode or second episode about how I got what's it called? Hannah, what are words? I got a reading done. Am I well? Am I having a stroke? I got a reading done where I was it was like a meet your spirit guides reading, and the reading, a lot of the reading was like, your ancestors are with you. And I'm like, that's so crazy. I didn't I wanted this because I wanted to work with them, but the fact that they're like really wanting to work with me, I'm like, hell yeah. Hell fucking yeah. Today's episode is the first YouTube episode, and I'm really nervous. I don't have on any makeup. I have on this little tanky. I hope my tits are now, and if they are, sorry. You're welcome. You're welcome. Who would have thought a little bit of wellness in a show? I also don't know where to look. I don't know where to fucking look. I can't see myself. I'm just looking at the back of my phone. The back of yell hit is ridiculous. Anyways, anyways. I love talking. I love talking, I love yapping. I'm so happy that people are listening to my podcast. I was looking at the stats the other day, and there are people from all over the world listening to little old me, yappity yappity yap. And I just feel like a few things. One, more girlies need to be smacking their fucking gums. Also, more girlies need to be crashing out. I think that everyone needs to be crashing out way more than they are, especially if you are a woman, especially if you have a cycle, especially if your hormones change literally every day. The terrain of your brain is different every day. And so I'm just like, why are we thinking that we have to be fucking what's the word? What are words? Like this. Flat line. Just calm all the time. No baby. I want to be up and down and all around sometimes. I want to release my fucking inhibitions. And so do it. Fucking do it. Also, today is Tuesday. The I don't know what the date is, but it's my first co-working call in my community. If you want to join my membership community, you fucking should. It's really fun. There's three tiers. Tier one is all the group chats, plus we do a co-working call every Tuesday. Like I said, today's the first one. Then tier two is all of that plus journal prompts and an embodiment library. And then tier three is all of that plus the Hannah Shrew and Consciousness Library. And also, um, we have community clubs. We have a women's circle every month, we have a book club, we have a craft club, and I'm down to add more clubs because why not? Do you know what I'm saying? Like, why the fuck not? We make the ruly live on a floating rock in outer space. We are Stardust in a meats. So I'm just like, do what you want to do. I've been questioning my entire life and my entire existence lately. And I'm not really sure if I'm doing if I'm living my life how I want to. Sometimes I'm like, am I doing this because I feel like I'm supposed to? Am I doing this because I want to? Am I doing this because it seems like the next thing that you're supposed to do in this like wellness coaching quantum container niche that I've put myself in? And I feel like yes and no. I know that people don't want to feel, or like when you feel rage or anger or anything that's like a little bit of an uncomfy emotion, a lot of times we're like, no, I don't want that. We push it away, we try to pretend like we're fine, we may be numb, we ignore it, and then it just feels like it builds and builds and builds and builds until one day you literally spontaneously combust. Bagaldi, I'm gonna bust. And I used to, whenever I felt anger or rage, I would say, like, I'm not an angry person, I don't know why I feel like this, and I would like identify myself as the emotion. And what I'm realizing is one, emotions are just data guiding you. And when you get curious about your anger or your rage or whatever emotion, grief, happiness, sadness, joy, whatever, it's like it's just data, it's just fucking data. And when we attach a story to it, we make it mean something about us, then it like prolongs, it it creates these neural pathways in your brains, and it just strengthens them. And I love feeling rage. I don't know about you, but anger and rage has gotten me to places in my life and catapulted me into spaces and places that I am so grateful for. Like my old job, I talked about it a lot, but it was literally like such a catalyst for my life now. It got to the point where I was so fucking angry. I was so enraged by the fact that I was being gaslit into thinking that like having boundaries and a moral fucking compass made me somehow a villain. And I'm like, bitch, I don't know what the fuck is wrong with you. I'm asking you to do your job, I'm asking you to give me a pay stub, and that's the law. That's the law. I'm not asking for you to fucking do backflips and do all this crazy shit. And I was a people pleaser my whole life, and I just wanted people to like me, and so I would go along with it, even if that meant abandoning myself, neglecting myself, compromising my values, doing things that I was like, this is so fucked up, but I'm gonna do it because I want to be liked. And that is all fear, that is all fear-based. And so when I was working at this job, I literally was like it, it literally felt like there was something inside of me like banging on the fucking walls, like bitch, you cannot. You have to stand up for yourself, even if everybody thinks you're being dramatic or crazy or whatever. And I was just making sure it was still recording, Jesus. Okay, and I I just feel like so often, especially as women, we try to be these like cookie cutter ass bitches just so that we're not too much, or we're not too this, or we're not too that. And it's like, shut the fuck up. I don't know who told us or why we have to be like I'm just gonna go along with whatever you fucking say. But no, I'm so over it. And I don't know if I'm feeling so heated and so passionate because I've literally been crashing out all morning, but I just I just really like want you if you're listening, and just like women in general, not even women, just people in general, however you fucking identify, to know that like if something feels fucked up in your heart and your body, and you have this, like you can't even explain it, but you're like, mm, this feels not right, this feels not good. Listen to it, trust yourself. The more that you listen to the nudges, the more that you trust that what you're feeling is for a fucking reason, it creates space so that you can live the life that you fucking want. I'm telling you, I'm telling you. The thing like I say this all the fucking time, but like the things that you want want you ten thousand times more. Truly. But they can't come to you if there's no fucking space. There's no space. How the fuck do you expect to come to you? That's why I believe everybody should be releasing their inhibitions. Let yourself feel, follow the things that make you feel good. I really don't like the phrase follow what lights you up because something about that feels like really buzzy to me. But follow what lights you up, follow your joy. If there's something that you want to do and you're like, or if there's like 20 things you're like, I really want to do these, these are things that I really want to do someday. Love, write them down. Which one makes you the most excited? If you look at them, which one is like gives you that little like feeling in your body where you're like, oh yeah, I like that, and then start doing that, just start moving in the direction of that, and even if you move in a direction and you do something and you're like, uh-oh, this isn't what I wanted, or this isn't right, quote unquote, or this isn't whatever, you're just gathering the data. You're gathering data, you're gathering evidence so that you can then make informed decisions, and so often we're waiting to move until we feel ready. And I I'm so fucking sorry, but feeling ready, it's not a fucking feeling, bitch. Okay, you don't feel ready, you start moving in a goddamn direction. I'm really sorry, I'm feeling really hot today, and then before you know it, you start to gain clarity. Clarity comes from movement. You sitting in your house or doing whatever you're doing, and you thinking about your dreams all the time, all the time, all the time. Love that for you. But whether you think about your dreams for your whole life, if you don't start taking action, if you don't start like being disciplined and moving in the direction of the things that you want, it's never gonna come to you. And you deserve for it to come to you. But like I say with the baker analogy, you are baking a cake, and the cake, what you're baking is your dream life, and so you, it is up to you to get all the ingredients that you think you might need, and it doesn't have to like I feel like people are like, oh well, I don't want to do it wrong. What the fuck does that even mean? Truly. If I if what is wrong, what does it mean to be to do it wrong? Like, you can't fuck it up. You can't fuck it up when you're moving in the direction of your dreams. You're just learning, you're just gathering information and data, and maybe you misstep, and then you're like, oh, okay, I know not to do that. Or maybe next time I move like this, and I can da-da-da-da-da-da-da. And so when you're baking a cake, you get all the ingredients together, you whip that shit up, you put love and your intentions and all the ingredients in there, and then you put that shit in the fucking oven, and you let the oven cook. And the oven is the universe, is God, is source, is whatever you whatever you believe in that is greater than you, that let them cook. Okay, because they that source, consciousness, creator, whatever it is, has it's all knowing, all being. And all we have is our our limited perspective. And so when we put the cake in the oven, we let that bitch cook, we let that bitch cook, cook, cook, cook, cook, cook, cook. Okay, and then we when a cake is baking, typically, normally, you go sit down and you're like, I'm not worried about if the oven knows how to cook. Let the oven do what it was made to do, what it was built to do. It's cooking, you're relaxing, you're you're not worried, it's on its way to you. And then, ding ding ding ding ding, the timer goes off, and it's ready. And it's ready. And if you want to add sprinkles and some icing, go for it. If you're like, mm, this looks good how it is, that's great. But I feel like so often we're like waiting for the perfect fucking conditions. I'm so sorry, but we live on a floating rock in outer space. Have you seen the people in charge around here? You are literally God, like truly, wholeheartedly, you we are all God, we are all creators of our own reality, and so when we're constantly waiting for things outside of us, it's like why? Literally, why? Who told you that? Who told you that the answer was outside of you? Because I'm telling you right now, it's not. The answer is inside you the chip, it lives in your body right now. I am fully, wholeheartedly convinced that the key the way to connect to source, God, whatever, your higher self is through your heart. And I also think that it's really interesting that heart disease is the leading cause of death in adult Americans, especially women. That to me just feels like a not a coincidence. Like that feels like someone somewhere is like, if the women know how powerful they are, then it we can't control them. And so when I say that I want to brainwash the girlies into believing in themselves, we have for so long been conditioned to believe that like we just like aren't literal fucking magical beings. We have a portal, babies come out of the portal, which is what our vaginas. Your womb. That is magical place. Your womb is a magical place. When I talk about stimming my being in a meditative state, oh my god. Change my life. Change my life. I keep checking to make sure it's still recording because I can't see my phone. It's like literally turned around. Anyways. It's you're magical. You're a magical, magical, magical being. And also, also, when I talk about doing things scared, like it's truly doing things scared isn't about doing the biggest, scariest thing you can think of. It's taking it's doing things that are outside of your quote unquote norm so that you can then create new neural pathways in your brain to live a life that you actually want to live. That makes you feel actually good. And I recently, like, especially in the past like two weeks, I keep questioning if like I was saying at the beginning of this, like I keep questioning if I'm doing what I'm doing because I want to do it or because I feel like I have to do it. Like if it's I don't know, I feel like there's this like stereotypical like coach, for example, and it's like you're a coach and you have you offer coaching, maybe you do group coaching, maybe you have a podcast, maybe you uh like have a community, and I do those things, and I I do feel like I do most of those things because I want to. Like I love my podcast, I love I've been wanting to make YouTube videos for the fucking longest, and I keep putting it off because I'm worried about what I look like. Like I'm really insecure about my teeth and my skin. I have some like breakouts, and so I'm like, well, I don't, I'm not this like perfect skinny, like Pilates going, wellness girly. I'm a little rough around the edges. I'm a little like I just want I think there's still part of me that's kind of like I just want to be this version of myself that like has it all together, and it's like I'm never gonna have it all together. I don't actually ever want to have it all together. Truly. Like I like the fact that I just go with the flow and I as things come up, I like let them out, and I feel like waiting until like even for me, waiting until my teeth look perfect, my skin looks perfect, my body looks perfect. Like, what the fuck does that even mean, Hannah? Truly, truly, what I look like is actually the most irrelevant thing about me, unimportant thing about me. And I just feel like as women, we're made I mean, I don't know about you, but I feel like we've been made to be so concerned and so worried about things that don't actually matter, and then we get pinned against each other. Like, I don't know about you, but I got some gnarly female friendship wounds that I'd be working through. Okay. When I was growing up, I've always somehow ended up in like groups of three where there's like three girls, and every time I somehow get voted off the fucking island, and I'm like, great, fucking great. I also was an athlete growing up, I played like competitive sports, and so I feel like there's this like I like the camaraderie of a team sport, you know. I love a group activity, but then there's this energy of like who's the best, and and then we're like being pinned against each other, and I don't fucking love that very much. And I feel like as I've gotten older, now that I'm in my 30s, I'm like, I forget that there's space for all of us sometimes, like there's room for everybody, and to think that there's not is such like a lack scarcity mindset, and that's like one thing that I love so fucking much about being a woo-woo girly. The woo-woo girly community we're locked the fuck in. I ride for those bitches, the amount of people and women that I've met through talking about like my woo-the things that I do that are like woo-woo. I love them. I love a woo-woo ass bitch, and I'm not really sure where I'm going with all of this. I feel like I kind of came in really fucking hot. Um, and that's fine. That's fine. We love that, but I I just want you to know if you're listening. I don't know how long I've been talking for. Maybe I should check the camera.

SPEAKER_00 20:18

I've been talking for oh 20 minutes. 20 minutes.

SPEAKER_01 20:28

I just I if you're listening to this, one, thank you for listening. Two, you can do anything you want, and uh maybe it doesn't happen overnight, but like good shit comes from the space in between, like the messy middle. So, like, say you're at point A and you're trying to get up to point B, I feel like the best shit comes in between that. Like, I know that's kind of cliche to say, but like when you're moving in the direction of your dreams, if somebody just gave it to you, I feel like we wouldn't appreciate it. I feel like I know for me I've been wanting for the longest to have like a following and to have a really successful community, and I've been trying to call in all of this like abundance and like financial stability. And in March, when I had posted my like woo that work series, which I had been putting off for the longest, and I like gained like I think it was like 30,000 followers in like a very short period of time, it was like a few days, and then Emma Roberts started following me, and I was like, What the I that night, that the not that first night, but the second night, no, the first night, I sobbed in the shower in the shower in the dark. Like my nervous system was like, I prayed for this and I wanted this, and now it's here, and my body is like. Not sure what to do with it, and it's crazy to me how like when we're calling something in, and even with like friends of mine, like who are in their do-it-scared year too, it's like they want something and they work they're working their ass off for it, and every day they're like showing up and they're they're doing the thing scared and whatever, and then it literally presents itself, and they're like, I don't know if I'm ready. Then they come up with all these reasons why they need more time. And so one of my friends Abby, who I fucking love, she sent me a voice note before my Instagram popped off. Who Abby I met through TikTok. I fucking love her. Anyways, she sent me a voice note and she was like, Don't be surprised when you get what you asked for. And at the time I was like, Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, Yagger, I'm ready. And then it came and I said, That's why, in the in the span of working towards the things that you want, really like learning how to hold space and make space for the things that you want and to create creating enough internal safety is the best thing you can do. Truly. And the the thing about that is I fucking a buzzword. When I hear a buzzword, I like start tweaking regulating your nervous system, you can figure out what works for you. Yes, there's like tips and tricks on how to do it on the internet, and we love that. We fucking love that, but I sometimes get overwhelmed by all of the information. It it sometimes feels like information overload, and so something that I did or started doing last summer when I was like, okay, I really want to like start building this dream life. I every night, almost every night, would come into my office and I would sit down, I would turn on my red light, and I would just ask myself what I needed, and I would there would be no like time limit. Normally it was like around an hour. Um, and it doesn't have to be an hour, that's the thing, it can be whatever time you want it to be, but I knew every day, even if I was having a hard day, even if things were like not really going my way, or I was feeling really overwhelmed, that I had that time at the end of my day to like show up for myself, to to pour back into myself, to be there for little Hannah. And then throughout the day, I would just go into the if I was like in the bathroom, I would just like take a minute to like breathe, or like I would just intentionally start slowing down because I didn't realize how fast I was moving and how I was just like kind of in survival go mode. And if you're wanting to cultivate your dream life and you're not sure where to start, literally start with just slowing down. Do whatever you're doing in your day, just do it slower, literally, and eat slower, drive slower, walk slower, breathe. Like eat your don't eat your food so fucking so fast. The food's not going anywhere, baby. The food's not going anywhere. Get some sunlight, go on a walk-like getting back to your basics, nourishing your body. It'll change your life. I'm telling you. I'm telling you. Also, EFT tapping? Girl, I'd be tapping on the meridians. Tapping with Brad, love him. Love him. Rewiring with Kelsey, I think that's her instrument TikTok handle. Love her. And just slowly moving in the direction of your dreams 1% every day. What do you have to lose? Dead ass, what do you have to lose? If you can look me dead in my face and tell me that you don't have five minutes to move into the move towards the direction of your dreams, then you have way bigger fish to fry, baby. Five minutes? I'm telling you. When you're shitting, when you're literally taking a shit, close your eyes and visualize your dream reality, your dream life. What does it feel like in your body? What are you like, what are the sensations that are coming up for you? What are the thoughts you're having when you start dreaming about it? Is it like, oh yeah, I can't wait. This is so exciting, da da da da. Or so like I don't deserve that. People like me don't don't get to experience that. Those are all signals, those are all signs. Your body is trying to guide you in the direction of your dreams. And then if you want to get real quantum me, all realities exist at the same time. The version of you that has it, that battery exists. So if you don't know what to do, just start talking to her. Literally, I be I'm a verbal processor, so I stay talking to myself. But like when I do my energy showers, I will literally talk to my higher self sometimes. I'll be like, girl, I'm feeling so down bad right now. I'm stressed about this, this, this, this, this. How did we get through it? What did we do? I'm telling you. I'm telling you, you can do it. And I feel like I was really on my mil robin shit. And that's fine. That's fine. The more I'm just like leaning into it. I don't even have on my glasses right now. I hope that when I watch this back, I'm not like, oh, I look fat. Anyways, I fucking love you. If you want to join my community, I'll put it in the show notes and I'll put it down at the bottom on YouTube. I'm still trying to figure out how that works. Also, we're going to Costa Rica. I partnered with World Packers, and we're going to Costa Rica November 15th to the 22nd. There's five spots left. It's gonna be so fucking fun. I cannot wait. Some of my internet messes are going, and I cannot wait! I cannot wait. Also, what else? Follow your dreams. You have a fat ass. You're smart, you're competent, you've gone through every hard thing that's ever happened to you in your life ever. Maybe there's some bumps and bruises, but that's okay. You can do hard things, ho. And for the love of God, believe in yourself. Also, like, comment, subscribe. I feel like that's what people say. Like, comment, subscribe. Anyways, I love you. L O V E. I love you. Peace.