KYS
Get into the mess that is the KYS pod (Kourtesan's Yap Sesh, not the other thing. Unless.....)
KYS
KYS Teaser
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The girls got together to record after the Hot Mess finale and decided... who cares! Jk... our first recording back was cursed. Sooo, here's some outtakes from our *practice* recording the day after hot mess. The first official episode will drop July 2nd, so put the pipe down and enjoy some yap!
It's iron, it's tyranny, running in the in one street with four chicks in green. And they are looking me, they are running for the life. Their beauty isn't strife.
SPEAKER_00Running from this wasteland and that model land. I know what God really wants, damn it. He wants me to kill my motherfucking self. That's why he fucks with me. That's why he gave me a fucked up ass life. But the jokes on him. I ain't gonna give that motherfucker the satisfaction.
SPEAKER_02Okay. Why?
SPEAKER_01Well, I just think for starters, that sometimes the government has things they can't tell us, and truthishly, we should just accept that. Maybe fat, gay, and autistic.
SPEAKER_04I mean, either way. I mean, I don't know.
SPEAKER_03I woke up with the regret of doing a wig for Hazel, because that meant she had to come to my house and she slapped me right across the face. Now she knows where you live. You don't you're not gonna live there for long. I'm not gonna live for long. Hazel, I'll send you her new address if she gives it to me. I can get something for my house. Because mine's a little quieter. Okay. Yours has a lot of ambiance. Yeah. It's this it's this twink in a cage that just keeps barking. Woof.
unknownGo, go, go, go up.
SPEAKER_03I told you to muzzle him, but not only are you keeping McDonald's in business, you're keeping sexy suits in business. I did buy lube there the other day. No one clocked it on my story. Everyone said, oh, not the rush.
SPEAKER_04There was lube in there too? Yeah.
SPEAKER_03I looked around at it. It just seemed like a lot of stuff. I couldn't remember. Yeah. You helped me. Yeah, what kind of lube did you buy? The Wicked. Oh yeah. Wicked. And then I found the Kim Chi powders at CVS. And then you mixed them together. Shoved them your ass. Snorted them. I did a both. I do it all the time.
SPEAKER_04Maybe so. Maybe Sweden really was the mastermind.
SPEAKER_03Maybe so. Maybe Sweden could have been in the finals of Hotmas. No, we won't go that far. Neither will he. We can. Uh, we're back. Do we want to get Aqua on? Well, yes.
SPEAKER_04Like immediately or I guess I guess after our um very important guest, Sacchin Scream, who everyone's itching to hear from.
SPEAKER_03She is paying this podcast bills with her Patreon subscription.
SPEAKER_04I was putting my finger in the pussy hole of the don't do that. Sorry.
SPEAKER_03I also make that sound. Oh my god, Cola. When you fucking spit that drink in my mouth. What happened? Oh my god. That was the funniest thing that's ever happened to me. Cola, like, we were sitting at the table next to each other and she she kissed me and she squirt drink in my mouth. Oh my god. And I I felt so bad.
unknownI did it on purpose.
SPEAKER_03I I know, but like I felt so bad because there was someone on the stage and I was trying to pay attention and then I was just dying. I was literally dying. I think it was like during critiques or something. I was just heard a little baby bird. What? Oh baby bird?
SPEAKER_04I'm not even. Yeah, I took a sip of my drink and like leaned over to kiss Christina and I went like squirted the water the drink into her mouth. And I swallowed it. Because I always do. Yeah. Well, hopefully you don't catch anything.
SPEAKER_03I mean, it was a good drink. Was it a vodka rebel? I think sure it was. Because I never drank vodka rebel anymore, so it was good to have a taste. Then Clinton said, Spit it in my ass. My pussy said pink, it's flying around a stadium. Put the crack pipe down. That is crazy. Fork down, you fat fucking bastard. He doesn't speak, but I kind of like my twinks that way. Don't speak. Yeah, that twink you're with now talks too fucking much. I don't think so. I'll make a teaser out of this.
SPEAKER_04Ooh. Maybe that one little bit. I think we have enough. I don't think so. Maybe this time. Oh no, we can't post that. Don't force that. Don't do that. Where's Ymir? In the desert somewhere. Oh my god.
SPEAKER_03In the mountains of Colorado. Right where the trade left her. Hola. I'm stuck where the trade left me. How was the showgirl show last night? Any lookers? Any future Hot Mess 6 contestants? I didn't watch a single performance. What were you doing? I walked in and stood at the bar and talked to us.
SPEAKER_00Oh, what a shock.
SPEAKER_03She was like one of those white girls who thought she was Japanese, but not like Gwen Stefani.
unknownOh.
SPEAKER_04Like How Raju girls you got. Like the wicked gypsy rush.
unknownOh my god.
SPEAKER_03Leave it in. Leave it in. Is there a cash prize?
SPEAKER_04There is.
SPEAKER_03Is it are they gonna get it?
SPEAKER_04Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Because they didn't know about it.
SPEAKER_04Oh. Well, I told Aqua she was gonna get it last night.
SPEAKER_03I said the same thing to her husband.
SPEAKER_04Oh. Maybe some Yutoya Christina.
SPEAKER_03Oh yes. Definitely.
SPEAKER_04Hazel.
SPEAKER_03Great. Three people calling me the N-word. He messaged me on Grindr uh last night. Deferk? He don't have your number. He does, but he said, like, oh, you can't respond to my text, so I figured you'd respond to me on here. He clocked it. He did. He clocked your she. Well, first he said ugly bitch. Did he really? Yes. And I didn't know it was him at first because that's all you get. That's all you get on there. No, I'm just kidding. I was like, oh, this guy again? Well. It wasn't that guy. Can I tell you guys a secret? Please. I'm a faceless profong grinder right now. Really? Yes. I love that face. Kikity kicky. Kickgady kidding. But after I graduated, he sent me deck picks. Oh. Was he huge? No.
unknownOh.
SPEAKER_03But he was really cute and I wanted to suck it. That's okay. That's that's just fine. He was like, ugh, it's just one of my demons I have to fight, but I love her. Girl. I said, I think you love cock more. Yeah. It got depressing. I felt bad. He said, I love her. I love her. There we go. Puerto Rican poppy. Because that's my favorite. I love that drink. Oh, uh, I need that on the soundboard. Put it on the list. I need um I need some more Brejeepaday on the soundboard too. I just ran somebody over.
SPEAKER_04I love the one where she like hits a huge like bump. She's like, what the fuck was that?
SPEAKER_03Oh, like in the car. I know she's talking about on TikTok. She's promoting a show and she hits like a speed bump or something. She goes, Oh, fuck. Or something like that. Anyway, come out to this. Oh, okay. The queen at the Shogirl Show. Her name was. Never mind, I don't remember. I had something to do with uncut dicks. What's on your mind? What's been bothering you? Holy shit. So much.
SPEAKER_04You want to talk about um being drunk at work? What?
SPEAKER_03Oh my gosh. It's a joke. She's not drunk at work. She's just a lush, kind of. And you know. Fried, died, and laid to the sun. Laid, honey.
SPEAKER_04And she gets laid. I think Sweden is dark sided and has too much power. Oh, we're getting deep.
SPEAKER_03Thanks for listening, everybody. We'll be back with more fun conversations.
SPEAKER_04Oh, and many, many special guests.
SPEAKER_03So you don't have any you can't get a real weed pen? Because like my f mu my mom got me one and she kept it. She kept it? Yeah. What a whore. And I knew she was gonna do that.
SPEAKER_04Boo, you whore. How is Tammy?
SPEAKER_03Tina. Well, Tina's Tina's dead. What? Well, they got divorced. Oh. When I went to her house, I passed six flags. And then I ran over six fags. Is his boyfriend and him still okay? Yeah.
SPEAKER_04They're doing good.
SPEAKER_03I hate that. Christina, we need to find you a man. That's your age. I mean, I'm back on Tinder. I'm trying.
SPEAKER_04Breaking developments. What are you looking for?
SPEAKER_03Um cock and balls. Hello. I mean, I I don't know what I'm looking for. I've never had anything like real or uh satisfactory or satiate. We are getting deep. We can date. I'm down. Okay.
SPEAKER_04I'm gonna swing my baby lasso till I find me a man. No, I don't want to do long distance. Oh yeah, I don't live here.
SPEAKER_03I'm way too clingy. Y'all can scissor.
SPEAKER_04Yeah. And like where I live is very small, so I don't have to go into the city if I don't want to. Because like I'm in the perimeter, but it's like a a part that's like outside of the city city, you know? You've been there.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_04So it's like it's very much like Athens where I live.
SPEAKER_03Also, you're closer to the gigs, but you don't have to go into the city unless you have one. Right. Also, I just love being a big fish here. That's really what it is. The biggest even. Gluglug. There was a homosexual that helped me. But he was kind of bitchy. Ew. He was fabulous though.
SPEAKER_04And how what was he like?
SPEAKER_03A twink or a fat? He was a twink. Okay. So he had the right to be bitchy. He did. He earned it. Do you know where the short little bitchy twink works that pisses me off? America's Thrift Store.
SPEAKER_04I don't know the one.
SPEAKER_03If you hear this, you're a bitch.
SPEAKER_04What did he do?
SPEAKER_03Nothing. He didn't really do anything, but he's just always so like over his life, I guess. I don't know. I'm like, goddamn, I just want this Calvin and Hobbes comic book, and you just fucking Carmel's gonna ask her Lord to kill you tonight. Next time I see trust, you will be dealt with. I'm gonna get my cousin who's a witch to cast a spell on him.
SPEAKER_04Do you have a cousin who's a witch? Yes, I don't know who's a witch. Really?
SPEAKER_03Maybe they know each other.
SPEAKER_04Not all witches know each other.
SPEAKER_03Oh my gosh. Like all faggots.
SPEAKER_04That is kind of true.
SPEAKER_03That is true. Okay, I saw this uh witch TikTok where she was doing a spell to like have influence over people, and it involved pissing in a cup, writing their name down on a piece of paper, and putting it in the cup. And you're like, I do that every Friday. Why is it not working for me? And then various ingredients. I was like, should I do this?
SPEAKER_04Do you think witchcraft is real?
SPEAKER_03Absolutely. Yes and no. I believe in the power of manifestation. Yes, I agree. I think whatever you put out, you have to be careful because what whatever you put out will come right back to you.
SPEAKER_04Yes, it can come back.
SPEAKER_03So I if I keep putting these loads out, one will make its way back to me eventually.
SPEAKER_04Eventually it will. Eventually. I'm the prettiest girl in America. Have you heard that?
SPEAKER_03I'm obsessed. I want to do that number.
SPEAKER_04Did you watch her perform it at the culture? Oh my god. You would fucking die. You need to listen to it. Who is it? Meg Stalter, the comedian. She has a song that's like, I'm the prettiest girl in America, but that don't make me a bitch. Okay.
SPEAKER_03And the remix with Vanilla?
SPEAKER_04Okay. Manila?
SPEAKER_03V Vanilla Mace.
SPEAKER_04Oh, I don't know what that is.
SPEAKER_03Vanilla Mace? I don't know who that is. Did you watch the video I sent you of the Pokemon cards? And I said I want to do this.
SPEAKER_04Oh. Well, that that's her. I meant to, but I didn't. Oh no, it's fine. It wasn't on purpose.
SPEAKER_03No, no, it's it's okay.
SPEAKER_04I I think we should we go get dinner after this? I mean, might as well. Well, yes. If you can't love yourself, how the hell are you gonna stop that train? Where's your new place?
SPEAKER_03It's next to where we used we used to live. Oh, right. Behind the gas station. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Yeah, it's I will be living behind the gas station, actually. Oh, I think Samaj lives right there. Samage will be neighbors. Samage was cracking me up last night. She kept grabbing my titties.
SPEAKER_04Her big hat was fabulous.
SPEAKER_03Excuse me, whose titties? No, like my actual boobs. When I was in the dressing room with my shirt off. Oh shit. She just started squeezing it. She needs some milk. And she milked me dry, girl. Oh. I'm trying to get excited about it.
SPEAKER_04I liked when she did the tricycle. I was hoping she would fall off the star. And uh you can use that. Kill me.
SPEAKER_03I I was hoping she would kill me.
SPEAKER_04I was hoping would show up and shoot off the place. We need a RuPaul. You should kill yourself. That's dumb. You should kill yourself. I'll write it down.
SPEAKER_03Um I would like to enlist all the people that commented on Alex Suarez's viral post to send voice notes of their comments. Uh, and those can go on the soundboard. Do you know about this? No. Oh my gosh. Alex put Alex um was performing at Pride and posted a video that went viral. It got like 400,000 views or something like that. Oh, I didn't see that. It got a shit ton of views on Facebook and it got like 6,000 reactions and like thousands of comments. Some of the comments that they posted on Alex's thing.
SPEAKER_04Like Oh my god, what is it?
SPEAKER_03Oh my gosh, I love you, sister, if this makes the tear. Um, doing this disgusting shit in front of kids with your 350 belts, and then encouraging them to give you money for it, you should genuinely be ashamed at what you're doing. It's sickening. And then Steve, uh, from Church Bar Fame said, Go play in traffic. That's so funny. He said that on my Facebook too. Oh my gosh. Oh, wait a second. He was replying to Oh wait. We need to do a compilation uh like the greatest hits from the old episodes. I'm gonna try to. What I want to do is just listen to every single one from beginning to end and like put shit together. Maybe Sacron will do it since she's such a huge fan. Ugh. I just don't like it. Are those edited? The ones in the drive? Yeah. Yeah, they are. They're bleeped. I can't find the raw ones. I had to delete them because they take up too much space. That's good. I just hate a lot of the episodes because I feel like I kind of mentioned my unemployment a few too many times. And it's kind of cringy now.
SPEAKER_04Oh, I didn't think it was cringy. Although I didn't listen to all of them. I just listened to a couple of the ones I remembered being like really fun.
SPEAKER_03I mean, whatever. You were like you were going through it, so I was. And did everyone need to know about it? It was it was real. It was therapy sessions. Yeah, it was real therapy group with the girls. You may have helped someone who uh may have been unemployed.
SPEAKER_04And that's real impact. Well, that's real community work.
SPEAKER_03Just by being here today. Maybe Diora will be inspired. Just by being here today. Oh my god, someone needs to inspire that that she got a job.
SPEAKER_04Oh my god. There was a clip from you. It was um we were talking talking about the story of when me and Blair went to MSR, that guy bled on my car. Do you remember that happening? Oh yeah. And I was like saying how I felt so empowered by saying no to like helping him. And Christina said, Carmelo, when's the last time you said no? When you're at the driver through, I said, Will that be all? It just came out of fucking nowhere. It was so funny.
SPEAKER_03I probably wouldn't come up with that today.
SPEAKER_04It was really good. Those brain cells are fried, honey. She went skiing. Fried like that. Oh my god. Aspen Ski Week.
SPEAKER_03Well, what are we at? An hour. Oh. Oh. Well, congratulations, Aqua.
SPEAKER_04No, we could do a real one next week.