The Story Behind the Struggle You Keep Repeating

Brandon Andres Green, host of Good Neighbor Podcast Tulsa, sits down with Marcus Spaur of Between the Covers Coaching and Podcast to talk about story, healing, unwanted patterns, self-limiting beliefs, and why the past does not have to get the final word.

Marcus shares how bullying, discrimination, painful experiences, and hidden shame shaped the way he saw himself and the habits he used to cope. Through his own healing journey, he began to understand that many unwanted behaviors are not random. They are often connected to unresolved chapters people have never had the space, safety, or language to examine.

This conversation gets into the heart behind Between the Covers: looking honestly at the story between the beginning and the ending of your life. Marcus explains why there is no silver bullet, why real change rarely happens overnight, and why compassion, curiosity, and outside perspective can help people see what they could not see on their own.

You’ll also hear how Marcus uses coaching to help people work through unwanted sexual behavior, unhealthy coping patterns, relationship struggles, self-doubt, and the belief that their voice does not matter. His approach is not about shame or quick fixes. It is about asking better questions, finding the deeper need underneath the behavior, and helping people move toward real freedom one step at a time.

If you care about healing, personal growth, recovery, mindset shifts, faith-based coaching, or understanding why people get stuck in patterns they hate, this conversation gives you a thoughtful place to start.

The chapter you avoid may be the one God wants to heal next.

Transcript

Welcome To Good Neighbor Podcast

SPEAKER_01 0:00

This is the Good Neighbor Podcast, the place where local businesses and neighbors come together. Here's your host, Brandon Andris Green.

SPEAKER_02 0:12

Welcome to the Good Neighbor Podcast Live. Every life has chapters that we're proud of, chapters we'd rather skip, and moments when the story seems to kind of take us out of control. Marcus Sparr helps people examine those chapters with compassion and curiosity so the past does not get the final word. Today I have the intro, I today have the pleasure of introducing your good neighbor, Marcus Sparr, with Between the Covers Coaching and Podcast. Marcus, how's it going?

SPEAKER_00 0:45

It's going well. That was quite the introduction. I can tell someone did their homework.

SPEAKER_02 0:52

Thanks, brother. I've enjoyed uh researching you and learning a little about you. I'm I'm excited to hear more about your story. I know the name between the covers is built around story.

How Story Shapes Behavior

SPEAKER_02 1:04

What first made you realize that the way people understand their own story can shape the way they live?

SPEAKER_00 1:11

Well, that is an excellent question. And the reason why I learned this is because when I started getting into my own story, I really started to understand what was driving some of the behaviors that I didn't want to have in my life. Because I I was just holding on to like awful experiences, bullying, discrimination, things of that nature. And I just I just kind of kept it inside, and it drove like so many unhealthy behaviors around like eating too much food and even viewing pornography and masturbation and these things that I was just using to cope with life. And it wasn't until I started getting into my story that I really started to be able to step out from that.

SPEAKER_02 2:09

And in what way? What do you mean by really getting into your story?

SPEAKER_00 2:14

Well, having someone else provide an outside perspective for things that I thought was just normal, some people were able to look at me and be like, um, Marcus, that's not how that was supposed to go. That what was normal for me actually shouldn't have been normal. And I was able to look at things from a very different perspective and start to process the things that were said to me, things that were done to me, how those started to have a marked impact on just my inner dialogue that I had with myself, and ultimately led to self-limiting beliefs that I had about myself that I wasn't good enough, that my voice didn't matter in any form or fashion, that you know, I was destined to just be alone and just not have anyone understand me because you know, we all have this belief that you know no one is truly going through what I'm going through until we actually start talking, then we realize, oh, I'm I'm actually not as unique as I thought I was.

Healing Takes Time Not Shortcuts

SPEAKER_02 3:24

And and do you feel like that when these uh when this clarity came, was it an overnight change for you or was a gradual healing process?

SPEAKER_00 3:37

Well, let's just say that I am still working on this process after like five years of work, five or six years. This is not something that's going to be done overnight. And that's actually one of the things with my coaching program that I have to tell clients is there is no silver bullet. There is no overnight change. This is a gradual process that takes an abundance of time because we didn't get where we are overnight. This was years in the making that brought us to where we are, to what we believe, to what we think, to what we feel. And it's going to take time to get us to start to change that.

SPEAKER_02 4:21

Well, you helped me understand the meaning of between the covers, and we also go into a little bit about uh your coaching.

Between The Covers Coaching Explained

SPEAKER_00 4:29

Yes. So the meaning with uh the name between the covers is it is getting between the covers, the the end and the beginning of our story. It's what's taking place right here in the middle that is going to reveal to us what is causing these behaviors that we have, the self-limiting beliefs. And that's where we're going to find the trauma. In fact, my my lovely wife was the one who helped design the logo that looks like a book that has a crinkled page in the middle, but then there is also a plant growing from there because it's when we get in our story that we're going to find that growth and we're going to find what has harmed us, what has what has brought us to a place of lack of faith, lack of self-confidence, whatever it happens to be. And so it's getting into our story that I firmly believe brings about some of the most dramatic change in our lives. And so what I do as a coach is I work with my clients. They come to me saying, Hey, this is something that I want to work on in my life. With the story that I have, a lot of the people that I work with are those that have some kind of unwanted sexual behavior. And since that's been a part of my journey, I can share with them insights of my own experience of how I've been able to find freedom from that, to offer them some perspectives and just ask questions to get them thinking about what is driving this, how can I change it? What's it ultimately trying to do for me? And then how I can get that those needs met in a more real way than what these unwanted behaviors are doing. And a lot of times that's where it starts. But I have clients that I have walked through relationships with marriages. I've there is one client who gave me the best compliment that I've ever received, in that he said, I was there with him in getting his own place, in getting multiple different jobs trying to become a better financial support, in getting custody of his own kids when his his wife was just kind of going off the rails on some things. And I have been like the only support this guy has been able to have. And so that's what I do. I I'm not the one with the answers, but I'm the one with the questions. And I offer my own curiosity, compassion, and my innate empathy to just say, hmm, can we look at this another way and create a judgment-free zone for us to explore new possibilities in our lives?

The Hero’s Journey As A Map

SPEAKER_02 7:37

And we've we've mentioned the hero's journey. Can you explain what that really is?

SPEAKER_00 7:44

Yeah, so the hero's journey, um, it drove a lot of the work that I do here because if we take a look at fictional and real life heroes, there are certain key elements that we can find that they all share. They all have things in common, like oftentimes refusing the call. How many of us have been told, hey, this is something that we should do? And then we just kind of sit back and it's like, no, I don't want to do that. No, I don't want to. I I'm I'm I'm quite comfortable right here, thank you. And we refuse the call. We have mentors who come into our lives who help mold us and guide us and help us take those brave steps that we need in order to get the ultimate goal that we are searching for. And we can't do that without having conflicts along the way, without having obstructions to the work that we're trying to do. And we can't do it without having allies by our sides. And that is that's ultimately what I want us all to do is become those heroes in our stories, and we have this perfect model that can help us kind of figure out what we're doing.

SPEAKER_02 9:04

You you mentioned allies.

Mentors And Community Over Isolation

SPEAKER_02 9:07

What role do you feel like mentors, guides, and community plays in this recovering journey? And what what makes someone want to go at it alone?

SPEAKER_00 9:20

Oh man, that is a loaded question, Brandon. I love it. So, what makes us want to go at it alone? Coming from our perspective here, because I'm guessing you're you're just like me. You are a white, cisgendered American man who's heterosexual, and there is a narrative that we're often taught that we have to be strong enough to do this. We have to be strong enough to do this on our own. It's the whole pick yourself up by the bootstraps. It's the one of the messages I heard a lot was, you know, come over here and I'll give you something to cry about. It is the the we have to be strong in order not to be an inconvenience to other people. And so we learn to go at this alone. And if we were able to do this alone, I would be out of a job. I wouldn't be here doing the kind of work that I do because I would have figured it out. Everyone would have figured it out. And yet, what we often find are I was raised in the Christian tradition. And so you can have people from your church or your religious community who can support you when you're going through some of the really troubling and even dark times of your life. You can have family members if you trust them. You can have, like for me, it's my fellowship. I have a group of friends that we play tabletop role-playing games together, we play video games together, and these are the people that I know if I need something, I can send out a message, I can make a phone call, and they're gonna be there for me. And you know what? A lot of my growth has come from that knowledge that I'm not alone in what I'm doing. I have that support. When I'm feeling weak, there are people who can come in and lift me up. When my friends are feeling weak, I can be there to support them. And allies can look so different, mentors can look different. They can be someone who's like a spiritual guide, a religious leader. They can be someone like me who is a coach or maybe a therapist. They could be someone who is just a couple of steps ahead of you on this journey and can tell you about some of the tripping points that you can come across. But anyone who is ultimately there working for you and helping you, that just that really gets rid of that message that I have to do this alone.

Talking About Shame Without Judgment

SPEAKER_02 12:12

I know that your podcast explores self-limiting beliefs and subjects that many carry around with shame. What have these conversations taught you about the stories people are kind of afraid to talk about?

SPEAKER_00 12:26

Oh, the stories that people are afraid to talk about, they they have sometimes been some of the stories that I personally have been afraid to talk about myself. The stories that I actually have feelings that I have some of these dark thoughts. A part of my story is when I was in high school, I had thoughts of suicide. No one wants to really talk about that because it's kind of a taboo subject. However, that also leads into us feeling alone. And what I try my best to do is to create a safe space for us to talk about anything, and how do we do that? No judgment, no shame, an abundance of curiosity and compassion, and really just kind of challenging these narratives that we have held on to for so long.

How To Choose Coaching And Connect

SPEAKER_02 13:24

How can someone decide? Maybe they're on the fence, how can they decide whether coaching is the right next step? And even how can they connect with between the covers coaching? And will you uh give us the best way to find your podcasts?

SPEAKER_00 13:41

Yes. Um, so to answer the first question about determining whether or not coaching is something that is going to be good for them, is first of all, you need to do a little research to find someone, because as a coach, I use my lived experience to help people navigate some of these problems that I have walked through or that I'm still walking through. I'm not going to admit that I've got everything figured out right now. I'm still a work in progress myself. But finding someone who has the knowledge and the experience and then give them a chance. It's just like any kind of therapy relationship where you're trying to find someone that you're going to mesh well with. And I have heard it usually takes about four sessions to figure out if you guys are going to be a good fit for each other. And I promise that to anyone who reaches out to me. I give a free hour-long call just to ask questions, talk about your story, and see if we're going to be a good fit. And I do that because I don't want to waste your time. I want you to find the healing. I want you to find the progress that you're looking for. And so we figure out if we're a good fit. If we are, then we kind of set up what our professional relationship is going to look like. Best way to get in touch with me is you can go to my website. It's between the coverscoaching.com. It's all one word. And I know it's it's a lot to type in, but you know, that's that's how I chose to do it because I'm 42 years old and just decided to be old about it. And um, to find my podcast, you can look for the audio version. I have it like everywhere I can possibly have it. Just search for Between the Covers Coaching podcast with Marcus Sparr. And you can also find it on YouTube if you want to see the video version and take in all my background and and everything and and just experience not just my voice, but also my facial expressions. And because that that can be important in the work we're doing is actually seeing the person who's talking and and we bond more with them. But I also understand I I am an avarice podcast listener, I listen to people's voices all the time. So it's out there wherever it is that you want to try and find it.

Closing Thanks And Nominate A Business

SPEAKER_02 16:14

Perfect, Marcus. I so appreciate you being on the show, and and thank you for helping people see that a difficult chapter can shape the journey without deciding how the story ends for them.

SPEAKER_00 16:26

Yeah, it is so important for all of us. And Brandon, I want to thank you for the work that you're doing here because it's in a lot of ways, it's really no different from the work that I do. We're still creating that safe space for people to just question things about themselves and ultimately become the better neighbors, the good neighbors that they can be, not just for others, but also for themselves.

SPEAKER_01 16:56

Thank you for listening to the Good Neighbor Podcast. To nominate your favorite local businesses to be featured on the show, go to gmptulsa.com. That's gmptulsa.com, or call 918-328-6356.