WEBVTT 00:00:10.320 --> 00:00:13.359 Welcome to the Southside Church Podcast. 00:00:13.679 --> 00:00:17.760 Weekly content that inspires all of us to follow Jesus. 00:00:18.079 --> 00:00:28.320 Join us each week for a message from one of our fantastic communicators that provide practical ways to grow our faith, challenge ourselves, and to love others more. 00:00:28.719 --> 00:00:31.359 And now, this week's message. 00:00:32.960 --> 00:00:36.960 So I want to welcome all of our Atlanta area churches who are joining us today. 00:00:37.039 --> 00:00:45.119 Um, those of you all over the country who are joining us in different parts of the country with uh friends and living rooms and uh camping and vacations and all kinds of things. 00:00:45.280 --> 00:00:58.479 It's amazing to be a part of a growing network of men and women and children and students who understand that it's not simply a matter of believing something, it's a matter of doing something with what we believe because that's what Jesus called us to do. 00:00:58.560 --> 00:01:06.560 And if you're attending one of our churches for the first time, maybe you haven't been in church for a long time, or maybe you've never been in church and somebody just invited you. 00:01:06.719 --> 00:01:13.040 We want you to know that you're surrounded by men and women who, again, who don't just believe things, but we believe that doing is what makes the difference. 00:01:13.200 --> 00:01:19.519 And we're a group of people, a growing network of Christians who understand that because that's what Jesus commanded us to do. 00:01:19.680 --> 00:01:27.120 He didn't just say believe in me, he said follow me, and we are doing our best to follow him because following Jesus has changed our lives. 00:01:27.200 --> 00:01:32.799 And we're not perfect, but at least we believe by following him we are moving in the right direction. 00:01:33.200 --> 00:01:37.359 Now, speaking of the right direction, um, and I've shared this with some of you before. 00:01:37.680 --> 00:01:42.480 I was raised, and don't judge who raised me, this was just maybe it's a generational thing. 00:01:42.560 --> 00:01:56.159 I I think it's a good thing, but I was raised to believe that the man in the relationship, specifically a marriage relationship, that the man in the relationship is responsible for everything that happens in the relationship. 00:01:56.319 --> 00:01:58.959 And that's generally when all the women say, Amen. 00:01:59.359 --> 00:02:02.640 But anyway, the way I now nobody told me this. 00:02:02.719 --> 00:02:04.319 This was just this is just on me. 00:02:04.480 --> 00:02:14.800 I internalize that idea to mean that in my marriage, in our marriage, we've been married 38 years, that when when something goes wrong, that ultimately it's my fault. 00:02:15.039 --> 00:02:28.319 And sometimes it takes me a minute to figure out how it's my fault, but I'm sure it must be my fault because of this assumption I was raised with that the, you know, the men, you know, are head of the household, and so everything ultimately is their responsibility. 00:02:28.479 --> 00:02:36.319 So what happens is from time to time um Sandra will apologize for something, and I'll say, No, no, no, honey, I'm I'm sure that was my fault. 00:02:36.479 --> 00:02:40.159 And she just looks at me and she says, How is that your fault? 00:02:40.400 --> 00:02:42.719 I'm like, well, I'm not sure. 00:02:42.879 --> 00:02:44.560 Just give me a second. 00:02:44.879 --> 00:02:48.240 And if I can't think of anything else, I resort to this. 00:02:48.319 --> 00:02:52.080 I say, if I hadn't asked you to marry me, this wouldn't have happened. 00:02:52.960 --> 00:02:54.479 So there's a way, right? 00:02:54.560 --> 00:03:04.639 There's a way if you back up far enough to take here's the point: given enough time, there is always a way to sneak yourself a slice of the blame pie, right? 00:03:04.800 --> 00:03:11.360 And it tastes bitter initially, but most medicine does. 00:03:11.599 --> 00:03:16.240 So today, if you haven't been with us, if you're joining us for the first time in a long time, today's part three of a series. 00:03:16.319 --> 00:03:21.840 You can catch up on our your local church website um or app or my YouTube channel. 00:03:21.919 --> 00:03:23.199 But today's part three. 00:03:23.439 --> 00:03:26.240 And the title of this series is Everyday Courage. 00:03:26.319 --> 00:03:37.919 And we're talking about courage, obviously, but we're talking about not just the big epic uh epic experiences of courage, but the everyday courage that sometimes we don't recognize requires courage. 00:03:38.000 --> 00:03:46.000 The situations in life that require courage that sometimes we get confused and we associate what's going on with something other than simply a lack of courage. 00:03:46.080 --> 00:03:59.280 And here's something we've all observed, read about, and maybe you've experienced this, and this is what we've said in every one of these uh messages, and this is kind of the theme of the series that a single act of courage, we can all immediately think of examples of this. 00:03:59.520 --> 00:04:04.240 A single act of courage is often the catalyst for extraordinary. 00:04:04.400 --> 00:04:26.240 That so many extraordinary things have happened in the world because somebody stepped up in the midst of disaster, in the midst of danger, in the midst of tragedy or maybe a threat, somebody steps up, they step in, they decide to act, they do the unprecedented, they do the unexpected, they do the thing that only a hero would do, and when they do that, it sets something in motion. 00:04:26.399 --> 00:04:31.360 And oftentimes, in most cases, the ones we celebrate, it sets something good in motion. 00:04:31.519 --> 00:04:35.439 And again, history is filled with examples of this. 00:04:35.600 --> 00:04:38.000 And here's the thing, here's the takeaway. 00:04:38.240 --> 00:04:49.040 The names that come to mind when we think of historical examples, the names that come to mind come to mind because these people did not wait for fear to disappear. 00:04:49.360 --> 00:04:55.120 Because fear doesn't disappear until you're in the midst of the act or on the other side of it. 00:04:55.279 --> 00:04:57.920 They decided I'm not going to wait for my fear to disappear. 00:04:58.079 --> 00:05:05.600 Somebody needs to do something, somebody needs to say something, somebody needs to interrupt something, somebody needs to act. 00:05:05.759 --> 00:05:31.600 And when we think of these epic examples of courage historically, we think, or at least I think, wow, I hope that if I ever found myself in some big epic, you know, you know, life or death struggle or situation where something significant was on the line, that I would have the courage to pick up my fear and move forward, that I would do the same as they did. 00:05:31.920 --> 00:05:36.720 But those are kind of the maybe one day, someday, maybe you've had an example of that in your life. 00:05:36.879 --> 00:05:39.839 Maybe you served in the military and you're like, hey, that's not theory for me. 00:05:40.000 --> 00:05:41.600 I know exactly what you're talking about. 00:05:41.759 --> 00:05:45.040 But for most of us, that's the exception to the rule. 00:05:45.199 --> 00:05:53.279 In fact, for many of us, we will never have some big grand epic, you know, be uh heralded as a hero because we stepped in and did something dramatic. 00:05:53.519 --> 00:05:57.360 But the same principle applies to us really every single day. 00:05:57.519 --> 00:06:06.800 While we may not, as we as we sing, as some of our churches, as while we may not face a literal Goliath, we all have our own giants. 00:06:07.120 --> 00:06:15.439 And one of the giants that we share in common is this, and this has been the theme of the series, one of the giants that we share in common is acknowledging fear. 00:06:15.600 --> 00:06:22.160 This is difficult for us, to acknowledge that fear is actually the culprit, that it's fear that's behind our hesitation. 00:06:22.319 --> 00:06:30.399 Acknowledging fear is the culprit behind our reluctance or our hesitance, hesitancy to do what we know we need to do. 00:06:30.639 --> 00:06:33.680 Because fear is almost impossible to see in the mirror. 00:06:33.759 --> 00:06:35.040 Oh no, I'm not afraid. 00:06:35.120 --> 00:06:36.240 It's not a lack of courage. 00:06:36.319 --> 00:06:38.399 And then we we disguise it with other things. 00:06:38.560 --> 00:06:39.680 It's hard to see in the mirror. 00:06:39.759 --> 00:06:42.560 It's difficult to admit that we're afraid. 00:06:42.720 --> 00:06:44.160 So we misname it. 00:06:44.319 --> 00:06:59.439 And we misname it especially when it comes to relationships, especially when it comes to family, especially when it comes to extended family or what's happening at work with your boss or somebody that reports to you that's a little bit intimidating, or maybe a relationship you have at school. 00:06:59.600 --> 00:07:03.199 But but here's the thing: it's it's super simple when we boil it down. 00:07:03.439 --> 00:07:23.600 When we know what we need to do, when we know what we need to say, when we know what we need to confront, when we know what we need to walk away from, and we refuse to do it because of our fear of an outcome, that's fear. 00:07:24.000 --> 00:07:26.959 That is a lack of courage. 00:07:27.279 --> 00:07:43.360 So, one of my goals in this series, if nothing else, if there's nothing super specific I talk about that applies to you, my goal in this series, really for all of us, is that we would begin to identify the fear that lurks in the background and to begin to see it for what it is. 00:07:43.519 --> 00:07:57.600 Because until we properly diagnose what's going on, we can't fix it and we can't move past it, and we will find ourselves in a doom loop of cycling, cycling, cycling, and wondering what is wrong because we refuse to acknowledge, you know what? 00:07:57.759 --> 00:07:58.879 This is simple. 00:07:59.199 --> 00:08:08.240 I'm afraid, and I need the courage to act, to see it for what it is, and to confront it as it is. 00:08:08.399 --> 00:08:09.439 It is courage. 00:08:09.600 --> 00:08:21.439 So the goal is to inspire you to step up, and and I don't want to be, you know, too dramatic, but to step up and to be the hero in the story of your life. 00:08:21.839 --> 00:08:30.399 Because when you express courage to confront, to say, to leave, to whatever it is that you already know you need to do, that makes you the hero. 00:08:30.560 --> 00:08:38.559 You are the hero that steps into your own story and in some way, in some ways, save the day. 00:08:39.279 --> 00:08:46.399 The goal is that you would refuse to live another day with fear as your master. 00:08:46.960 --> 00:09:01.120 To refuse to endure toxic environments, to refuse to endure a toxic romantic environment that somehow you found yourself in, and you're wondering how did you get there, and you know you need to get out, but you're afraid to get out because of the consequences. 00:09:01.279 --> 00:09:09.919 The goal would be that you would refuse to allow fear to be your master, whether it's romantic relationships, an unhealthy friendship. 00:09:10.080 --> 00:09:18.080 And granted, and this is, you know, this is the scary part, this is the part, this is why we don't do it, why we don't act, why we don't step in, there's no guarantee. 00:09:18.240 --> 00:09:20.480 There's no guarantee that there's gonna be a bow. 00:09:21.200 --> 00:09:23.840 There's no guarantee that there's gonna be a happy ending. 00:09:24.080 --> 00:09:32.159 But refusing to step up and refusing to ex to be courageous in your own life does come with a guarantee. 00:09:32.399 --> 00:09:35.600 Refusing to be courageous comes with a guarantee. 00:09:35.679 --> 00:09:37.919 It guarantees this that nothing changes. 00:09:38.159 --> 00:09:45.200 In fact, it almost in many cases, especially relationally, it almost guarantees that things are just gonna get worse. 00:09:45.519 --> 00:09:53.519 And it also guarantees that one day, someday, you'll wish you could come back to this day and do the thing you know you need to do. 00:09:53.840 --> 00:10:02.879 That you'll look back and wish you had been courageous enough to step up, to step in, to confront, to do the thing you know you need to do. 00:10:03.200 --> 00:10:09.200 You'll look back and wish you'd had the courage to walk down into the valley and face that giant. 00:10:09.360 --> 00:10:15.039 That you had the courage to walk up to those walls and approach that gate. 00:10:15.360 --> 00:10:18.000 And don't get your hopes up. 00:10:18.159 --> 00:10:25.840 If the sermon ended right now, which it's not, if the sermon ended right now, some of you, you know what you need to do. 00:10:26.080 --> 00:10:27.600 This isn't new information. 00:10:27.759 --> 00:10:38.080 I'm just bringing back to your mind that thing that you don't want to think about, that you don't want to confront, the thing that you know you need to do, you know exactly what the implications are for you. 00:10:38.240 --> 00:10:39.919 And you've known for some time. 00:10:40.159 --> 00:10:43.519 You've known what you should do, know what you should say, know what you should walk away from. 00:10:43.600 --> 00:10:46.240 Your giant perhaps has a name. 00:10:46.639 --> 00:10:52.320 But maybe until now, or maybe until this series, you've not framed it within that context. 00:10:52.480 --> 00:10:55.679 You've not framed the tension as a lack of courage. 00:10:55.759 --> 00:10:57.840 Your pushback, and we all go here, okay? 00:10:57.919 --> 00:10:58.720 This is all of us. 00:10:58.879 --> 00:11:05.360 Your pushback up until this point as to why you haven't stepped in and done the unprecedented, the unexpected, the thing you know you need to do is this. 00:11:05.440 --> 00:11:06.480 We talked about this last week. 00:11:06.559 --> 00:11:11.440 No, Andy, you don't you you don't understand it's complicated, but we said this last week, and I'll say it again. 00:11:11.919 --> 00:11:14.879 It's complicated isn't a reason. 00:11:15.519 --> 00:11:18.480 It's complicated is simply an observation. 00:11:18.720 --> 00:11:23.200 We disguise as a reason not to do what we know we need to do. 00:11:23.360 --> 00:11:29.200 Of course it's complicated, but it's complicated is an observation of your circumstances. 00:11:29.360 --> 00:11:36.559 Yes, it's complicated, but that's not a reason not to do the thing you know you need to do. 00:11:36.799 --> 00:11:39.200 Now, that's kind of a catch-up from the last couple of weeks. 00:11:39.360 --> 00:11:51.120 Now, if you are a person who is not a person of faith, or maybe you're of a different faith than Christianity, everything that I'm gonna say from this point forward is optional for you. 00:11:51.440 --> 00:11:52.799 I think it's important. 00:11:53.039 --> 00:11:55.360 I think you should at least consider it. 00:11:55.519 --> 00:12:03.919 But if at any point in the next few minutes you hear me saying, this is what you should do, as if I have some authority over you, that is not my intent. 00:12:04.159 --> 00:12:08.480 Because if you're not a Jesus follower, you are certainly not. 00:12:08.639 --> 00:12:13.840 You are certainly not under any obligation to do what Jesus instructed his followers to do. 00:12:14.159 --> 00:12:34.559 But for those of us who claim to be Jesus followers, as tough as what we're about to talk about is, and as difficult as it is to absorb for some of us, and honestly, as offensive as something he's about to say is for many of us, it's something we should take seriously because we know he cares for us. 00:12:34.960 --> 00:12:36.960 So, for some of you, this is optional. 00:12:37.120 --> 00:12:39.679 For the rest of us, it's like, here we go, buckle up. 00:12:39.840 --> 00:12:46.480 So, um, in part two, last week we addressed the um often mislabeled fear, the fear to forgive. 00:12:46.639 --> 00:12:50.399 And most of us have never associated fear with our reluctance to forgive. 00:12:50.480 --> 00:12:52.080 Again, we called it something else. 00:12:52.240 --> 00:12:57.120 And I made the point that forgiveness is courageous, because forgiveness is courageous. 00:12:57.279 --> 00:12:58.320 Forgiveness is epic. 00:12:58.480 --> 00:13:05.679 Forgiveness has the potential to change the direction of a life, a family, or even the direction of generations of a family. 00:13:05.840 --> 00:13:10.720 It's forgiveness is giving someone what they don't deserve, right? 00:13:10.879 --> 00:13:19.200 It's canceling a debt, it's it's taking back the reins of your emotions from the person or the people who've hurt you. 00:13:19.440 --> 00:13:21.679 It's choosing, and this is the powerful thing about forgiveness. 00:13:21.840 --> 00:13:22.480 Get this. 00:13:22.799 --> 00:13:29.200 Forgiveness is choosing independent of them to become independent of them. 00:13:29.440 --> 00:13:31.600 That's why forgiveness is epic. 00:13:31.759 --> 00:13:40.000 That's why it's catalytic, that's why it sets things in motions that in motion that has the potential to impact a person or a family's future. 00:13:40.159 --> 00:13:46.720 But as we where we ended last time is this perhaps you have tried to forgive. 00:13:46.960 --> 00:13:48.720 You've tried so many times to forgive. 00:13:48.799 --> 00:13:54.879 In fact, you're a Jesus follower and you know you need to forgive, but for some reason you just can't. 00:13:55.039 --> 00:13:56.559 You can't let it go. 00:13:56.720 --> 00:14:00.960 You can't just move on, you can't stop all those imaginary conversations. 00:14:01.120 --> 00:14:04.559 You can't help yourself but tell your story over and over. 00:14:04.720 --> 00:14:11.840 Anytime things come up and you enjoy the sympathy that you get from other people when you tell your story, you just keep circling back. 00:14:12.000 --> 00:14:14.559 And if that's you, today is for you. 00:14:14.799 --> 00:14:17.840 But it's not just for those of you who have a hard time forgiving. 00:14:18.000 --> 00:14:23.279 What Jesus is about to say is for all of us. 00:14:24.080 --> 00:14:29.039 But here's the connection between what Jesus is going to say and forgiveness. 00:14:29.919 --> 00:14:32.720 More times than not, and this is the tough part, okay? 00:14:33.200 --> 00:14:55.279 More times than not, the underlying reason we can't forgive and move on is that we are not willing, we aren't willing, this is the hard part, to admit to ourselves that we are partially responsible for what happened and for what happened. 00:14:55.519 --> 00:15:04.480 Which means forgiveness, forgiveness is out of reach apart from an additional expression of courage. 00:15:04.799 --> 00:15:06.879 Specifically, this is tough. 00:15:08.080 --> 00:15:22.399 The courage to own, to acknowledge, to admit, to face up to, to take responsibility for, our part in what transpired. 00:15:23.919 --> 00:15:29.279 Our, however small slice of the blame high. 00:15:29.360 --> 00:15:32.080 Now I want to make a quick disclaimer, and this is important. 00:15:32.480 --> 00:15:40.399 If you were hurt or taken advantage of as a child, this does not apply to you. 00:15:41.039 --> 00:15:42.559 You were not at fault. 00:15:42.879 --> 00:15:46.240 You were, and you are innocent. 00:15:46.720 --> 00:15:50.960 But for the rest of us, this is extremely important. 00:15:51.120 --> 00:15:53.279 And this is extremely sensitive. 00:15:53.519 --> 00:16:07.120 And in spite of the fact that it's so sensitive because I haven't heard your story, and Jesus, who I guess knew your story or hadn't heard your story but said what he said anyway, that's what underscores, in spite of how heavy this is, how important it is. 00:16:07.200 --> 00:16:15.120 And here's why it's important you can't forgive someone for their part and move on until you own your part. 00:16:15.600 --> 00:16:22.320 Because you've misplaced, and we all have done this, you've misplaced a portion of the blame. 00:16:22.559 --> 00:16:36.559 You you are holding someone accountable for your part of the story because you haven't had the courage to acknowledge your role. 00:16:37.519 --> 00:16:45.919 You haven't had the courage to be angry with and disappointed in you. 00:16:47.840 --> 00:16:49.120 So you blame. 00:16:49.919 --> 00:16:56.240 And when we haven't had the courage to admit and own our role, do you know what blame does? 00:16:56.480 --> 00:16:57.759 We've all done this. 00:16:58.080 --> 00:17:02.559 Blame shields us from the truth about us. 00:17:02.960 --> 00:17:05.119 It provides justification. 00:17:05.359 --> 00:17:13.039 It provides justification for refusing to do perhaps the most courageous thing you will ever do. 00:17:13.359 --> 00:17:15.599 Maybe the most courageous thing of all. 00:17:16.079 --> 00:17:35.119 The courage to confront the reality of a situation that was so painful and you had so little to do with it, but the courage to acknowledge that and to confront the giants of our guilt and our pride and our shame. 00:17:35.759 --> 00:17:37.920 But here's why we're talking about it. 00:17:38.160 --> 00:17:40.400 Here's why Jesus addresses it. 00:17:40.640 --> 00:17:45.519 You can't put it all behind you until you acknowledge it all. 00:17:45.680 --> 00:17:52.400 To quote Jesus, until you acknowledge your part, and this is where he jumps in. 00:17:52.559 --> 00:17:56.160 He says, until you acknowledge your part first. 00:17:56.960 --> 00:18:05.039 So Jesus addresses this directly and honestly, uncomfortably, especially within the context that we're going to read what he said. 00:18:05.119 --> 00:18:06.960 And and you've heard this before. 00:18:07.039 --> 00:18:08.799 If you grew up in church, you've heard this before. 00:18:08.960 --> 00:18:12.559 Even if you didn't grow up in church, you've heard some of this language before. 00:18:12.640 --> 00:18:16.160 In fact, at some of our churches, you've even heard this recently. 00:18:16.559 --> 00:18:20.160 But maybe you assumed he was talking to somebody else. 00:18:20.559 --> 00:18:24.799 And maybe you assumed this had nothing to do with you. 00:18:25.279 --> 00:18:27.279 So here's what he says. 00:18:27.440 --> 00:18:28.400 You ready? 00:18:28.799 --> 00:18:30.640 He says, why? 00:18:31.039 --> 00:18:32.319 And he's talking to all of us. 00:18:32.640 --> 00:18:34.240 I'm joining the audience. 00:18:34.480 --> 00:18:40.319 Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 00:18:41.200 --> 00:18:41.839 Why? 00:18:42.000 --> 00:18:43.359 This is so interesting. 00:18:43.519 --> 00:18:44.960 He says, why do you do this? 00:18:45.039 --> 00:18:50.559 And we're all, and nobody, nobody listening or watching, regardless of your religious persuasion, nobody can say, I've never done that. 00:18:50.720 --> 00:18:59.599 He says, why, in other words, he says, why do you focus solely on what they did and refuse to consider your part? 00:19:00.480 --> 00:19:02.559 Refuse to consider your role? 00:19:02.880 --> 00:19:05.200 And here's our answer, I'll answer for you. 00:19:05.359 --> 00:19:08.000 Well, Jesus, because I didn't have one. 00:19:08.160 --> 00:19:08.960 That's why. 00:19:09.119 --> 00:19:10.480 I didn't play a part. 00:19:10.640 --> 00:19:12.079 I didn't have a role. 00:19:12.240 --> 00:19:21.039 And then I, we, you, we retreat behind the walls, right, of our well-rehearsed story and our well-rehearsed account of what happened. 00:19:21.279 --> 00:19:26.480 Besides that, Jesus, it is not a speck of sawdust in their eye. 00:19:26.799 --> 00:19:28.079 He lied to me. 00:19:28.319 --> 00:19:29.759 She lied to me. 00:19:30.319 --> 00:19:31.440 She cheated on me. 00:19:31.599 --> 00:19:32.319 He cheated on me. 00:19:32.480 --> 00:19:33.440 They stole from me. 00:19:33.599 --> 00:19:35.279 They promised and they broke their promise. 00:19:35.359 --> 00:19:36.319 They signed a contract. 00:19:36.400 --> 00:19:38.240 They didn't keep their end of the deal. 00:19:38.400 --> 00:19:40.559 They abandoned and on and on and on. 00:19:40.640 --> 00:19:43.680 And we're immediately pushing back on Jesus and say, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 00:19:43.759 --> 00:19:45.359 Don't put this on me. 00:19:46.720 --> 00:19:54.000 And Jesus, who loves you, presses on and he says, How can you say to your brother, permit me to take the speck out of your eye? 00:19:54.240 --> 00:19:59.599 And to which we respond, hey, Jesus, okay, I don't want to take the speck out of their eye. 00:19:59.759 --> 00:20:04.319 I want to point it out so that they will recognize they have a speck in their eye. 00:20:04.400 --> 00:20:08.160 And besides that, if they're the ones with the plank, I'm the one with the speck. 00:20:08.240 --> 00:20:14.000 If I even have a speck, I want them to own up and take responsibility for what they've done. 00:20:14.559 --> 00:20:16.079 And he just keeps going. 00:20:16.640 --> 00:20:18.079 One all the time. 00:20:18.799 --> 00:20:22.160 There's a plank in your own eye. 00:20:22.319 --> 00:20:23.599 And then we say this. 00:20:23.839 --> 00:20:24.799 Whoa, whoa, whoa. 00:20:25.039 --> 00:20:27.759 Jesus, I don't see it that way. 00:20:28.079 --> 00:20:30.640 And he smiles and he says, That's my point. 00:20:31.359 --> 00:20:34.960 You don't see clearly. 00:20:35.920 --> 00:20:37.680 Refusal, come on. 00:20:37.920 --> 00:20:43.039 Refusal to see what is there to see is a recipe for compounding resentment. 00:20:43.440 --> 00:20:49.599 Refusing to see what is there to see is the recipe for compounding resentment. 00:20:49.839 --> 00:21:05.920 This is why, and maybe this isn't your story, but you know people, they just carry their resentment from place to place, from job to job, from relationship to relationship, and every dysfunctional relationship that they're a part of creating just compounds their resentment. 00:21:06.240 --> 00:21:14.000 Because there is something they need to see they can't see, and you can see it, but they can't, but perhaps you can't see it. 00:21:14.319 --> 00:21:15.920 And somebody else can't. 00:21:16.000 --> 00:21:19.359 It's why hurt people hurt people. 00:21:19.920 --> 00:21:27.119 And then, if this isn't bad enough, what he says next is so harsh. 00:21:27.279 --> 00:21:36.000 In fact, yesterday I was sitting in the living room, and Sandra was on her computer and I'm looking at my notes, and I told her, I said, I don't even want to preach this sermon. 00:21:36.160 --> 00:21:37.680 But it's too late to change it. 00:21:37.759 --> 00:21:39.279 It's Saturday. 00:21:40.160 --> 00:21:47.119 But this is, and part of it as a pastor, because I've been doing this for so long, I've heard every kind of story you can imagine. 00:21:47.359 --> 00:21:54.000 And I always sit and listen, you know, especially to the big kind of epic, you know, tragic, you know, things that have happened to people. 00:21:54.160 --> 00:21:59.680 And I sit and I listen and I and I think, you play. 00:22:00.400 --> 00:22:01.440 A part in this. 00:22:01.839 --> 00:22:03.119 And you can't see it. 00:22:03.279 --> 00:22:05.119 And it was a small part. 00:22:05.759 --> 00:22:10.160 But you just aren't seeing it clearly. 00:22:10.400 --> 00:22:20.640 And so Jesus, if for no other reason to make us mad enough to pay attention, it means, you know, when you're emotional, at least you're open to hearing and you're open to learning and you're paying attention. 00:22:20.880 --> 00:22:27.920 And because he cares so much, he says, you hypocrite. 00:22:28.240 --> 00:22:29.599 It's like, wait, what? 00:22:29.759 --> 00:22:30.880 Wait, whoa, whoa, whoa. 00:22:31.119 --> 00:22:32.079 What do you mean, hypocrite? 00:22:32.160 --> 00:22:37.599 And Jesus would say, because you're doing the very thing you accuse them of doing. 00:22:37.920 --> 00:22:40.880 You're refusing to take responsibility. 00:22:41.279 --> 00:22:50.000 Even if it's a small slice of the blame pie, you're refusing to take responsibility for the role that you played. 00:22:50.160 --> 00:22:53.680 You're refusing to do the courageous thing. 00:22:54.000 --> 00:22:56.799 Maybe the most courageous thing you do as an adult. 00:22:56.960 --> 00:22:58.880 That you're refusing to do the courageous thing. 00:22:58.960 --> 00:23:05.920 You're refusing to look in the mirror and ask, did I play a role in this? 00:23:08.240 --> 00:23:10.079 Did I play a role in this? 00:23:11.200 --> 00:23:16.480 Am I partly to blame for what happened? 00:23:18.640 --> 00:23:19.680 Here's one. 00:23:20.000 --> 00:23:22.079 Did someone try to warn me? 00:23:23.119 --> 00:23:26.160 And I just anyway? 00:23:29.839 --> 00:23:34.559 Did I know deep down I had no business? 00:23:36.799 --> 00:23:38.400 But went ahead anyway. 00:23:41.200 --> 00:23:43.440 Did I go along with it? 00:23:43.759 --> 00:23:48.799 Did I go along with it instead of walking away from it? 00:23:49.759 --> 00:23:51.039 And then this one. 00:23:51.519 --> 00:23:54.640 This goes right to the heart of what he's trying to get our attention about. 00:23:54.960 --> 00:24:00.640 Did I choose not to see what I didn't want to see? 00:24:01.440 --> 00:24:06.720 Did I choose not to see what I didn't want to see? 00:24:08.960 --> 00:24:23.519 Did I allow an appetite instead of a value to guide me and lead me into that situation, into that relationship, into that response? 00:24:24.480 --> 00:24:27.039 These are difficult questions, aren't they? 00:24:27.599 --> 00:24:36.240 And because your Savior, because your King loves you, He's willing to offend us into at least considering. 00:24:36.400 --> 00:24:45.119 And the greater the hurt, the greater the hurt, the more courage it requires to ask a question like this one. 00:24:45.359 --> 00:24:51.200 The greater the hurt, the less pressure we feel to ask a question like this one. 00:24:51.359 --> 00:25:02.480 But to refuse to may leave you placing the blame on them that belongs to you, and you will never ever be able to move on and put it behind you. 00:25:02.640 --> 00:25:05.920 You will never be able to forgive and move on until you do. 00:25:06.079 --> 00:25:07.599 Jesus continues, he says this. 00:25:07.759 --> 00:25:09.440 This is where he gets to the first part. 00:25:09.680 --> 00:25:12.480 He says, You hypocrite, first. 00:25:13.839 --> 00:25:15.680 First, first what? 00:25:15.839 --> 00:25:19.119 He says, You need to start with you, not them. 00:25:19.279 --> 00:25:22.960 Yeah, but yeah, but Jesus, them is the cause. 00:25:23.920 --> 00:25:29.279 Which perhaps he would say, perhaps that's true, but what can you do about them? 00:25:30.960 --> 00:25:31.920 Nothing. 00:25:33.119 --> 00:25:34.720 He says, okay then. 00:25:35.680 --> 00:25:39.680 Take the plank out of your own eye. 00:25:40.400 --> 00:25:44.480 And then you will see clearly. 00:25:46.480 --> 00:25:53.359 It takes, especially depending on the story, it takes perhaps extraordinary courage. 00:25:53.519 --> 00:25:54.480 Don't miss this. 00:25:54.960 --> 00:26:02.640 It takes extraordinary courage to shift our focus from their big part to our smallest part. 00:26:02.799 --> 00:26:04.400 And here's why it takes courage. 00:26:04.559 --> 00:26:05.119 Two reasons. 00:26:05.279 --> 00:26:05.759 Two reasons. 00:26:05.920 --> 00:26:12.720 First, we've grown comfortable, and I I've been here, I've been there, and some of you are there now. 00:26:13.440 --> 00:26:20.480 We get comfortable, we get comfortable within the cocoon of our excuses and our defenses. 00:26:20.720 --> 00:26:29.599 It becomes so familiar, it becomes so warm, it becomes so comfortable, but it's a prison. 00:26:30.319 --> 00:26:48.240 And the second reason this requires courage is that the moment you decide, the moment you decide to shift even a portion of the blame from them to you, it weakens your case against them. 00:26:49.039 --> 00:26:52.799 And that feels like losing. 00:26:53.039 --> 00:26:57.359 And you've already lost so much. 00:27:01.119 --> 00:27:07.119 But Jesus says it's not losing, it is ultimately liberating. 00:27:07.359 --> 00:27:12.480 It's why Jesus calls us out, and it's why he invites us out. 00:27:13.440 --> 00:27:23.519 This is what positions us, this is what positions us to forgive ourselves, which enables us to forgive others. 00:27:23.680 --> 00:27:33.359 Not just for the big things, not just for the grand things, not just for the past things, but even the everyday things. 00:27:33.759 --> 00:27:38.799 So let's turn it around because when we look at it from the other direction, we lose our excuse. 00:27:39.440 --> 00:27:42.720 Don't you wish, don't elbow and don't look at anybody, okay? 00:27:42.960 --> 00:27:45.119 Don't you wish that your husband? 00:27:45.359 --> 00:28:01.759 Don't you wish that your wife, don't you wish that your fiancee, don't you wish that your boss, don't you wish that your children would first look at the plank in their own eye before they started talking about the speck in yours? 00:28:02.000 --> 00:28:03.759 Before launching into you? 00:28:04.079 --> 00:28:10.559 To which we're all like, well, yeah, I would like them to consider the role they played before they considered the role. 00:28:10.960 --> 00:28:16.319 And then Jesus just chuckles and says, that's why I called you a hypocrite. 00:28:16.799 --> 00:28:24.240 Because that's what everybody wants the other person to do and the other party to do, even in the small things, even in the daily things. 00:28:24.559 --> 00:28:25.680 Imagine it, you know? 00:28:25.839 --> 00:28:27.359 It's hard to imagine. 00:28:27.680 --> 00:28:39.039 You know, 15-year-old walks into the kitchen and says, Mom, okay, the argument we had in the car on the way home from school, I was so mad at you. 00:28:39.119 --> 00:28:41.759 And then I went up to my room and I thought, you know what? 00:28:42.400 --> 00:28:45.039 I think part of that's my fault. 00:28:47.119 --> 00:28:52.480 Mom, mom, dad, I think mom just passed out, right? 00:28:53.759 --> 00:28:59.119 I mean, there are relationships where it's hard to, you can't even imagine your boss walking and saying, you know what? 00:28:59.440 --> 00:29:01.519 I realize I mean we can't even imagine it. 00:29:01.599 --> 00:29:06.400 And Jesus is going, come on, you're my followers. 00:29:06.640 --> 00:29:21.279 I'm not asking you to take the blame for things you're not to blame for, but I'm asking you to find your slice of the blame pie and own it first so that you can forgive them without being confused, without passing on to them what belongs to you. 00:29:21.519 --> 00:29:23.200 Because I want you to be free. 00:29:23.359 --> 00:29:24.880 I'm not trying to punish you. 00:29:25.119 --> 00:29:27.680 I'm not trying to make you feel worse about yourself. 00:29:27.839 --> 00:29:35.119 I'm trying to lead you to the truth about yourself so you can be free and so that you can move on. 00:29:36.160 --> 00:29:40.160 Jesus says, go there first. 00:29:41.440 --> 00:29:46.079 The question is, have you gone there at all? 00:29:47.279 --> 00:29:49.599 And the mirror can be a scary place. 00:29:49.839 --> 00:29:59.920 The mirror can be a threatening place, but the mirror can be a revealing, and in this case, a healing place. 00:30:00.319 --> 00:30:01.599 Here's something I've observed. 00:30:01.680 --> 00:30:03.119 I bet you've observed this as well. 00:30:03.279 --> 00:30:04.799 This isn't special. 00:30:05.119 --> 00:30:27.200 But my observation is that bitter people and perpetually angry people, the people who have kind of that low-grade anger that sits below the surface and it does not take much to bring it past and into the you know into your world, those people are always angry with themselves, but they don't know it. 00:30:27.599 --> 00:30:34.559 And they're angry with themselves about something they've never forgiven themselves for because they've never acknowledged it. 00:30:34.799 --> 00:30:45.440 And when you hear their story, you can understand maybe where the source of that came from, but you your heart breaks because they can't seem to move past it. 00:30:45.519 --> 00:30:49.039 And they've never owned their slice of the pie. 00:30:50.640 --> 00:30:53.039 And you don't want to live that way. 00:30:53.200 --> 00:30:53.920 Look up here. 00:30:54.079 --> 00:30:56.000 You don't want to parent that way. 00:30:56.160 --> 00:30:58.240 You don't want to grandparent that way. 00:30:58.400 --> 00:31:03.359 You don't want to be the manager in your company that way, you don't want a neighbor that way. 00:31:04.000 --> 00:31:15.440 And my hope is that you would begin to fear the consequences, that you would begin to fear the consequences of refusing to forgive more than you fear forgiving. 00:31:15.839 --> 00:31:29.839 And my desire, in fact, your savior's desire, is that you would fear the consequences of refusing to own your share of the blame more than you fear owning your share of the blame. 00:31:31.440 --> 00:31:53.920 So, if there's something or someone current or in the past you have a hard time forgiving, letting it go and moving on, maybe start where your king encourages you and invites you to start with this courageous, threatening, humility-filled prayer. 00:31:55.119 --> 00:31:56.799 You don't have to use my words. 00:31:57.359 --> 00:31:58.880 Heavenly Father. 00:32:12.000 --> 00:32:18.400 Heavenly Father, do I have a plank in my eye? 00:32:20.079 --> 00:32:42.480 And did you know that that may be praying a prayer like that and staying with it, praying a prayer like that, that might be the single act of courage that serves as a catalyst for extraordinary for you and for your family, perhaps for generations. 00:32:43.200 --> 00:32:52.880 After all, it was Jesus who said, and you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you or will make you free. 00:32:53.839 --> 00:33:07.119 Your courage to admit the truth about the role you played may be the truth, the single catalytic truth that sets you free. 00:33:08.640 --> 00:33:22.720 So would you be willing on a daily basis and in the context of the past that haunts you to begin to say, Heavenly Father, I want to see clearly. 00:33:23.039 --> 00:33:24.960 I want to see clearly. 00:33:25.200 --> 00:33:33.599 If there is a plank in my eye, if there is even a shred of what happened that is my responsibility, make that clear to me. 00:33:34.400 --> 00:33:36.480 And I know that you forgive me. 00:33:36.720 --> 00:33:40.319 Give me the grace to forgive myself. 00:33:41.039 --> 00:33:46.960 And when you do, you will be free. 00:33:50.319 --> 00:34:02.960 If you're not a Christian, you will find no other king who is more gracious and more direct and more kind than Jesus the King. 00:34:03.920 --> 00:34:13.920 And the invitation to become a Christian is not so much an invitation to behave in such a way as it is to follow someone who has your best interest in mind. 00:34:14.239 --> 00:34:30.960 And so we would invite you to consider becoming a follower of Jesus, who has forgiven you and will empower you to forgive and give you the courage to acknowledge what you need to acknowledge about yourself. 00:34:31.599 --> 00:34:32.800 Let's pray together. 00:34:33.920 --> 00:34:35.920 Heavenly Father, thank you. 00:34:36.960 --> 00:34:39.360 Thank you for not sugarcoating this. 00:34:40.079 --> 00:34:41.760 Thank you for the words of Jesus. 00:34:41.920 --> 00:34:44.559 Two thousand years ago, how did he know? 00:34:44.719 --> 00:34:47.760 Because he knew the hearts of men and women. 00:34:48.960 --> 00:34:58.320 Father, wherever this lands with us, whether somebody else comes to mind or we're afraid to allow ourselves to come to mind, would you please give us the wisdom to know what to do? 00:34:58.559 --> 00:35:09.679 And Father, if anything I said is off or out of, you know, just too much or too little, just I pray that you would, in your grace, edit that in the minds and the hearts of the people who are listening. 00:35:09.840 --> 00:35:16.880 But whatever we need to take from this, that we would not be afraid to embrace it. 00:35:17.519 --> 00:35:24.719 Rid us of the fear that operates in the background of our mind and our thinking and our decisions. 00:35:24.960 --> 00:35:29.760 Give us the courage to follow, regardless of what that means. 00:35:30.239 --> 00:35:36.079 And so give us wisdom to know what to do with what we just heard and the courage to do it. 00:35:36.400 --> 00:35:38.159 In Jesus' name. 00:35:38.639 --> 00:35:39.280 Amen.