Intro…

This is a brief introduction and a story time about my first time macrodosing psilocybin on 6/22/26. :)

Instagram: kbrdgttl

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Hello, my name is Kayla, and this is 913. 913 is the month and day I was born. I'll end up changing the name once I figure something out. But this is a brief introduction and a story time. This is a place for me to just go ahead and empty out my mind. I think my friends and my family will appreciate it if I have a healthy way of speaking my mind and not keeping it all inside. Um so this is kind of an intro. I'm from Virginia. I was born in Northern Virginia. And um, I guess I'll say that I'm from Salem, Virginia. That's where I graduated from high school. Um but I've been all over the place in the past few years. Right now I'm living in Raleigh, North Carolina, but I'm also moving soon. Um I live about two hours, well, an hour and forty minutes from Wrightsville Beach. First time I went to Wrightsville was when I was 12. I remember buying a shirt there and it being my favorite shirt for like years until I couldn't fit into it anymore. And I remember going back the first time in March. And the water definitely calls to me at something that I think is very special, and more people should take advantage of just living near a body of water. But, anyways, um I've been going now for the past few months, maybe every week or every few weeks, and um I had wanted to take my first trip, like mushroom trip, at the beach with these people I used to live with. They were my friends. Um but that ended badly, and that's a different story. So I ended up not doing it with them, and I also had an old friend who, you know, he he was also supposed to be somebody that kind of well, he offered to guide me through the experience, and we never kind of got the opportunity to do it together. We ended up buying um the mushrooms in late March and we got a deal. We got 10 grams for $55, and he always talked about doing these trips alone, so I thought if he could do it, then I can do it too. Um and I didn't want to take it in Raleigh because I wanted to be at the beach, and it was kind of cold here anyway, so I was like, I don't really want to be outside when it's cold, and I don't know. Just I want to be at the beach when I do it. That was just what I had my mind set on. Um going back to when I first started thinking about doing shrooms, I talked to my sister about being my guide. But, you know, she has a family now, she's married, she doesn't really dabble in that stuff anymore. Um, so there wasn't really an opportunity for us to do that together, but you know, she told me don't do it alone. I think everybody was like, don't do it alone. And everything that I looked up was saying, don't take your first trip alone. Um so I did it alone. Um and it was a lot of fun. I was definitely nervous to be my own guide. They tell you that you need your own guide when you do it the first time, and I can understand that. Um, this is definitely not something that I recommend for every person to do by themselves. But I I think I trust myself more than anyone. So that's kind of why I was like, if I trust myself more than anyone, then why would I let myself be guided by somebody else through this experience? Um last week I did about 700 milligrams. And I had been microdosing these same shrooms since I got them in March because I was kind of too scared, I was too scared to do a full trip. So I was kind of slowly introducing myself into what it feels like. Um and I see this more as medicine, indigenous cultures see it more as medicine. Our indigenous culture definitely sees it more as medicine. Uh when I was in Honduras, I would see wild mushrooms growing out of shit like everywhere. When we were hiking, um this huge hill in El Triunfo. I was so tempted to just take mushrooms out of the cow shit that I saw and just take it back with me to the States. But I didn't. Uh maybe when I go back I will try them. But anyways, back to the point. I kind of eyeballed it, so it was around 1.2 grams, 1.3 grams. I grinded it up and put it in a Chobani protein shake, whatever the fuck it is, and then I chugged it. It didn't upset my stomach to ingest it in that way. Surprisingly. I didn't feel it immediately. Obviously. About 30 minutes in, it started to kick in. Um, and this time around, I saw a lot more visuals than last week. But I'm kind of proud of myself for being able to do this and guide myself through this experience. I don't think many people can say, oh, I took my first mushroom trip without someone else. I got to the beach at 6 in the morning. I woke up around 3 30 a.m. And the night before I had to work, and I got out around like 11. So I'd been running off like three hours of sleep, but I was so determined to take this trip. Recently I had been separated from someone that I care about, so I saw this as an opportunity for reflection. And like I said, I see I see mushrooms, I see psychedelics in a way as um a tool for healing, for insight and reflection. So, yes, I wanted that part from the trip, but I also wanted to enjoy, you know, the feelings because I had been familiar with the feelings from the microdoses I had taken. Um so this time around and last time around the tears came so easily, I was just stunned. I didn't even have to do anything, and it I guess that sounds weird to say that you had to do something to cry. Um but I was in the water. I remember when it started to really set in. I was swimming, and the waves are very calm in the morning. So I felt like I was like just flowing with the water, like just one with the waves. As corny as it sounds, um I could see a different spectrum of colors in the waves and rays coming out of the clouds, and it was like the seagulls were diving in slow motion to catch the fish. And then I hit this point of reflection, realizing so much about what I had been doing with this person that I cared about. Falling into the trap of doing things for love and not from love. And I had read that somewhere, that quote somewhere, and I really like it, but it really resonated with me in that time, and then just came out this like huge like um tide of emotion. I was bawling my eyes out, and I felt like I was making facial expressions that I had never made before. And obviously, I chose early in the morning to be there to trip out because there wasn't as many people on the beach. Um, and I definitely took advantage of that in the best way possible. I felt like I was speaking to God, you know, God being everything around me. God being myself. I see God as everything, the whole you and me, not just like one entity above us all. Um, I definitely like the quote that says, like, we are God experiencing itself. In that moment, I definitely felt it all kind of let go, the humanity of me, my my identity as well. Our identities being so fickle. I kind of enjoyed the disassociation from who I thought I was. And in that process, I kind of become um more free-flowing with life, not as rigid, not as structured as we think we should be. And um, getting out of the water, I began to see everything in pastels. And um, I was walking out of the water and it felt like it an eternity to get to the to the shore. I was like, is this gonna go on forever? When it had probably just been like 20 seconds of me walking out of the water. Um, and then laying down, I'm like seeing people, and I'm like using my discernment in this trip, and I'm like, those those are real people, and then those are NPCs. Why are they moving weird? Why are they wearing tennis shoes while they're walking on the beach? That to me was odd, but I guess to each their own, I'm not I shouldn't I shouldn't be the judge of anybody actually. Um I think I will definitely be doing this more often, and it will be fun to at some point find friends that also like to use psychedelics in a way to open up their hearts, open up their minds, let go of identity and the rigid structures that we have to follow every day to live. Um I definitely live a mystic life, diving into the spiritual into the parts of myself that are seen as a shadow. And so this is definitely enjoyable, and I knew before going into this experience that I was probably going to feel a lot of these intense emotions, and I was okay with it. I think next time around, I'll probably I'll definitely go up higher on the dosage around two grams. Um I'm just glad that I was able to trust myself, and there was still a level of awareness when I was inside the trip. You know, I saw everything moving, I saw the patterns on my hands from the blood inside my my body just moving. I saw the structure of waves, diamond after diamond, holding the wave together. I saw shapes in the clouds just so clearly, and my breathing became yogic and meditative without me even having to try. I felt like everything that I was speaking out to myself was the wisdom of God. So I recommend psychedelics for people who, you know, want to do this for purposes of healing. And obviously it is a lot of fun. You know, you get this very light mood, you're happy, you're very happy. I'm elated. I love that word. Very elated. And definitely doing it in nature is like the biggest thing. Doing it somewhere you're comfortable. But this is obviously going to bring up uncomfortable feelings. It's possible that it brings up uncomfortable feelings. But to me, intense emotions were not something new. So I think that's why I could guide myself through this experience very well. And I I hope to be able to guide somebody else through this experience if they haven't done it before. But until then, I'm gonna try my best to have fun. I'm not sure what my next episode will be about, but I'm just glad that I'm starting it now, and that's the first step. I guess the most important thing that I took away from this is just to be here now, as Ram Da said. And um I guess these past eight months living in Raleigh were difficult for me to adjust, so I'm glad I took this trip. I think living in the city disconnects me from nature a lot more, as opposed to when I was living in Virginia. I had the Blue Ridge Parkway like really close to me. So this was definitely a learning experience, like most things in life. But it was also an opportunity to have fun where I am. But wherever I land next will be near the water. So I guess I'm signing out from love, from my soul. See you next time.