#2

“What do you want to know about?”

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

I'm drinking a Gonafour red wine right now. I got it from work. The sky's pretty clear tonight. And there's like a slight breeze, so it's almost perfect outside right now. It's It's 80 degrees outside right now. What would make it more perfect, I guess, would be like a lake or a river, like right behind my house. That'd be pretty dope. Well, what do you want to know about? That's always the question. I feel like not many of us get that question anymore when we meet someone. Maybe it's a little bit like daring to ask that question. What do you want to know about? What do you want to know about me? I was talking with I guess friends today and yesterday about asking very deep and personal questions to like people that you become friends with and developing like an intimate connection through knowing this person, knowing their past, but also getting to know their future, their dreams. So questions like why are you the way that you are today? What was the worst thing that happened to you? What scares you the most? What's your biggest dream? Things like that I think are so much more intimate than like noticing someone for what they express out loud. What they express like in person, though obviously you can see their mannerisms, their behavior, the way that they talk. But someone's mind is not spoken. Someone's mind is like waiting for someone to dig into it. To kind of dissect each thought from a different perspective. I think that's how I learn from people and how people learn from me. I think every relationship, every dynamic has its way of learning. And I think for me it's like I let you see inside my mind. And I want to see what's inside yours. And of course, like in heart and soul as well. Like I'll open up my heart to you so you can see what's inside. And I hope the same from you. And as well as the soul. I'll open up my soul to you. And I hope that you'll open it up to me. But if it ends up not being able to connect, then that's okay. That's okay. Some people are just closed. I guess sometimes it hurts a little bit to have an open heart. It definitely hurt a lot more in the past. You know, when you're younger, I feel like you don't know as much about your boundaries and how far you can go. So it's a lot better to be able to establish those nowadays. And knowing that you don't have to keep the peace anymore. It's better for me to make a decision. The life that I want is waiting for me based off the decisions I make. Trusting myself to express who I really am has been somewhat of a journey. I feel like I have to embody courage in order to express myself completely. I won't have to act anymore. And I won't have to put on a mask. And I won't have to project what I'm going to do. I won't have to announce what I'm going to do. I'll do what I want to do, and well, whoever sticks around, sticks around. Whoever comes along, comes along. But I'm free from that people-pleasing tendency. It costs me being actually known by someone. Felt like no one actually really knew who I was just because I felt like I needed to keep the peace wherever whatever dynamic I was in. It's a lot of my life. And you wake up and you like different one day. Like I swear to God, it sometimes it does just work like that. Sometimes things are just completely different in one day. Well, I feel like that like starting Monday, but you know, I've been kind of integrating into that feeling of just not having to be the same and learning and actually being on the other side of it and looking back and being like, wow, fuck. That's what I was doing. But I'm taking it with a lot more patience and a lot more grace. I'm taking my emotions with a lot more grace. But it's cool to see yourself become a different person, the person that you want to be. And now I feel like I can be known and not be scared to be known. Now I feel like I can create and use my creative passions and pursuits as a way to have the life that I want. A simple life. A life in community. Probably an end with us. I'm always talking about that place. It's like magic to me. I can't wait to just be with my people. Be with my family. Be by the water. Sit at the bay. That's like my truest dream. But I hope that these next few years I continue to give myself grace and work day by day. Maybe not work day by day. But take intentional action each day towards the life that I want. Working hard doesn't have to be my way of getting to this life. Burning myself out doesn't have to be the way to getting to this life that I want. There are other ways. Some would call it magic. Some would call it hoping. Some would call it dreaming. And you know what? I do all three of those. And that's okay. This moment feels really good because I'm like saying all this stuff out loud and it's really cool to look up to the sky and see all the stars. Well, I'm glad I've made it this far. See you next time.