Mindful or Mindless?

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Sounds drive.

SPEAKER_02 0:10

Welcome to the Black Keelan Journals. We're your host, Ashley, and Nikki B.

SPEAKER_00 0:15

On today's episode, we'll be talking about the peer pressure placed on women of all ages through social media and how it has a lasting effect on mental and emotional well-being of the women. So uh Ashley, so we all know today's time we are really controlled by social media.

SPEAKER_01 0:29

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 0:30

All things are really how you dress, how you talk, how you think comes from social media nowadays. Yes. So you being a woman, first of all, what's your definition of peer pressure from a woman's aspect?

SPEAKER_02 0:42

To me, I think it'd be more of there's a stigma that we are expected to look like, dress like, um, and act like, especially for women. I know when I was growing up, especially when I started like in middle school or high school, you know, that's when people started like puberty and all that good stuff. So I think that's uh that was a big game changer for me when I started feeling the effects of peer pressure, like, oh, I have to look like this, I have to dress like this, especially when I had started getting friends and everything. I was always pressure to look that I feel like I had to look like them to be accepted, especially going up to all multi-Caucasian school. Like I had the pressure of oh, I have to look and dress a certain way to fit in, to be accepted.

SPEAKER_00 1:22

Okay, and that's a town without social media having an effect on you.

SPEAKER_02 1:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:25

So with that being said, do you have any like drastic changes to your appearance or how you talk, like where you low from peer pressure?

SPEAKER_02 1:33

Not when I was little, I would say, but I think um once social media stuff, when I was in high school, I would always see, you know, celebrities of people that I would I knew but didn't know, and I expected to look like them because I saw all they had all the attention, they got all the boys, they had all the better opportunities because they looked different than me. So I feel like that played a part into me wanting to always look or dress different. Like I knew when I went to middle school, I had glasses, and none of the girls that went to school had glasses, they had contacts. Like, oh mama, I need contacts, like I had to look like them, or I need dress like them, and I wanted certain clothes, certain shoes, the things that I could fit in because the people that I wanted to be like had everything I didn't have.

SPEAKER_00 2:14

So Okay. So if you can like let's say now you're growing up, now you're older, more mature. Do you believe that you can survive in this era before social media?

SPEAKER_02 2:24

What you mean?

SPEAKER_00 2:25

So bad thing you survive without social media. You didn't really care about it, but it was like word of mouth, everything word of mouth. So now if you can take your oaths, your younger self and into their generation, will you survive?

SPEAKER_02 2:36

No.

SPEAKER_00 2:37

Why not?

SPEAKER_02 2:38

You mean like surviving without so like the preference or social?

SPEAKER_00 2:40

Yeah, you ask your younger self, bring your younger self to this new generation.

SPEAKER_02 2:44

Oh yes. Yes, I think it'd be I'd be way better off because the comparison, the constant reminder would not be there for me. I would have to like compare myself to anybody. I feel like the night the way I do now, even still in my adult age. I think mentally it would be better because I don't have that constant reminder. Oh, you don't have this, you don't have that, so it's not as much of a a trigger for me.

SPEAKER_00 3:08

So I I feel like in today's society, like females really try to break their neck to please the so-called followers they have on social media. What is the difference between pleasing your friends and trying to please people we know? Um like what's the satisfaction that you get?

SPEAKER_02 3:26

It's not really a satisfaction. I think as far as a friend aspect, it's more like a competition, I would say. Because I feel like when I when I was in college, when I my freshman year and I had my little friend group, it was like five of us. And I'd say it wasn't really a competition, like directly, but you can tell that, you know, it was that one girl that was always like the a leader or the it girl of that group. And everyone to be everyone wanted to be like her. So I feel like, yeah, like I was saying, I think the friend group is more like a competitive thing, and then pleasing people that you don't know is more just for the the gratification of always people uh, you know, they adore me, they like me, stuff like that. Even now with social media, I know like when I first, you know, got Instagram, everything was, oh, how many followers do you have, how many likes your pictures get? That was like the big thing, but now it's just like I don't really care, you know, like the followers don't really matter to me. The likes don't really matter, but it's like growing up when social media was like really getting bigger, I feel like it was being the most popular person was a big, a big uh satisfaction thing. It's just satisfying people that they feel loved and they feel adored and people want to be like them.

SPEAKER_00 4:35

So taking yourself out of it, what is the the mental toll on a young girl nowadays for social media? Trying to please social media?

SPEAKER_02 4:43

The mental effect. I can imagine what it is now, but I know for me growing up, body image I feel like is a very big thing that gets affected, that can affect your mental health, especially if a girl, because you know, you see women nowadays, they have, you know, the boob jobs, the butt jobs, the the 10 pounds of makeup that they're always wearing. So I feel like that's uh plays into the mental effect because if they can't look like the woman they see on social media, then it's like, oh well, I'm not good enough, or I'm not pretty enough, or I'll never get the guy that I want, I'll look like her. You know, and I think social media plays a big part in that because that's all they show is women with the BBLs and the the moob jobs and the makeup and the the face job. Like it's all you see nowadays. Like natural looking women aren't really as praised as much as women with you know, the fakeness is not it's more the fakeness is more appreciated than real people, I feel like. Uh, make them feel better, of course, about themselves.

SPEAKER_00 5:48

Okay. So you and also you mentioned about you know change your your physical appearance. So, in Europe, what really made this a popular thing to do? Because it's it's been said now that men really don't like that artificial body anymore. Like it was it was cool at first because people really didn't know what it really was, but now since it's come to light of what it is, what's happening to these women's bodies and what they're doing, why do you feel like it's so popular now?

SPEAKER_02 6:15

Well, I feel like um like you just hinted, like it's not as popular now like it used to be, because I feel like men are being more appreciative of just natural looking women. Because some people just go overboard with the stuff they get and it's more like life-threatening nowadays. I feel like back then social media had its effect, but I feel like men also played a big part in how people would dress and how people would look and how people would need to look to get the satisfaction of a man. That also played a big part into it now.

SPEAKER_00 6:46

You you said you said man. So how how how do men come in this situation?

SPEAKER_02 6:51

Because, you know, y'all have like y'all preference, and I feel like early on when social media first got bigger was getting bigger than what it is. I feel like men just have a purpose of bigger assets when it comes to women. Like the boobs, the the butt, the you know, whatever you gotta do to make yourself look good. I feel like that was what men made it sound like that's what they wanted. They didn't want natural looking women.

SPEAKER_00 7:18

Yeah, you can yeah, you can blame it on the rap game. So all you rappers, it's your fault. Yeah. It's your fault.

SPEAKER_02 7:24

Yeah, they may they give off this lifestyle that they feel like they need, and I feel like they place on the the women that they're with, and like, you know, the women that they place in music videos. Like, you know, like even before with certain music or artists or whatever, they would only have like white-skinned girls in their music videos. So that made it hard for like dark-skinned people to be like accepted or feel like they were loved or anything like that. Because for a while the the the thing was to be light-skinned, like everybody wanted to be light-skinned. That played a uh plays a part into it too, because you know, social media just makes it hard to be to accept you for who you are, to accept you for how you were born because they have so many different versions of what they think you should look like.

SPEAKER_00 8:06

Let's all remember, like, social media is not a real place. And I think a lot of people, especially young women, older women, it don't matter. But I feel like they get lost in the sauce when it comes to how they see yourself. You know, social media is not a real place, so just because somebody likes your picture doesn't mean they like you for real. So we people try to kill themselves over lights and it don't mean you're worth it. And all that also goes to this this like this topic where like you're seeing the the the fence of the getting your body done and trying to please social media, and a lot of a lot of women have lost their lives over this kind of thing.

SPEAKER_01 8:44

Um Yeah, like do you see young fly as Beyonce wife? She just got past because of that stuff.

SPEAKER_00 8:50

Yeah, she she lost a life trying to do a a mommy makeover when she already looked like she was not really trying to get it, yeah. She looked great, but sh she wants to compete, I guess compete with other women in the industry that's getting their bodies done every other month or stuff like that. So what can be done to really like stir people away from keep doing this kind of things to their bodies and stuff?

SPEAKER_02 9:14

I think it's more of a a self-love thing, because I feel like social media is always gonna change, always gonna be a certain thing that's gonna be it. Like, you know, at one point it was being thick, and now all of a sudden people like girls who were smaller and natural. So I feel like it's just like a a self-love. You have to just learn to accept in a love the body that you were given and not feel like you have to change it to have anyone else's approval. So I feel like that'd be the only thing that can ever really fix it. But social media is never gonna be the answer. It's always gonna be a problem, I feel like, because it's always gonna be something that they're gonna want, that they're gonna see. So I feel like once you people get to a point where they can love and accept themselves for who they are and what they have, and not so that they have to change every detail about them, then I think that will make some progress.

SPEAKER_00 10:00

Okay. So what advice would you give, let's say, like a middle school girl going to high school, high school girl going to college about the fest of social media, how do you show yourself towards the world, and that it doesn't really matter what people really think about you on social media, how you think about yourself, but like how would you like tell someone how to go about that?

SPEAKER_02 10:22

I think it plays on what you said earlier, like it's not social media isn't real. A lot of people use social media as like an escape from their real life issues. So I feel like if it was me talking to my middle school self, I would tell like you just have to learn to, you know, love yourself, accept yourself as hard as it may seem like you are still beautiful in your own way. Like you don't have to have people's I can't think of the word. You don't you don't have to be accepted by everyone, like you have to learn to accept yourself first. Like they say, you can't expect somebody to love you if you don't love yourself first. So I feel like that'd be my biggest takeaway. Like you have to learn that self-love is very important in your mental health and emotional well-being. Because if you don't, then this just spirals from it. A lot of issues can spiral from you not feeling like you're worthy and the self-confidence not being there. Cause I know I made a lot of decisions that I wish I did not make because I didn't feel like my self-worth was just there to not be on situation. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 11:17

So we like we focus on mental health. So when it comes to like mental health, does self-love even exist anymore nowadays?

SPEAKER_02 11:24

I feel like it's there. I feel like it's not as focused on as it should be. I feel like as far as your mental well-being regarding self-health, self-love, and everything like that, people don't take it as seriously as they should. So I know like even when I was going through like my whole puberty thing when I was in middle school, like I did not like myself. Like how I looked, how I dressed, like anything about that. And I feel like that played a big part in like self-confidence and just mental, just like I didn't want to be, I don't want to go to school, I don't want to be like around anybody, I don't want to have any friends. I just my self-confidence was just not there. So I feel like as far as people's mental health, I feel like self-love is definitely a bigger component than we try to make it seem because like you like I said earlier, if you don't love yourself, then you're never gonna be able to achieve what you probably could if you had the confidence to do it. I got a question. Yo, oh I know what episodes about women, but do you feel like the pressures are also placed on men too by social media?

SPEAKER_00 12:28

Of course. Of course. Like um mentally, I feel like men are we feel behind, you know. So it's you know, we got the you got that 10% of guys that they got their shit together, they got the money, they got the cars, they got the women. And you know, the other 90% trying to catch up with that 10%, but all the women see is that 10%, you know? So the regular guy isn't behind the eight-ball because we're trying to catch up to these guys that's like two or three years ahead of us instead of staying our own lane. So we fall in that pressure where we try to get everything right away. So that's why you get these scammers, that's why you get these robbers, killers, all this stuff, because we're trying to go for that go of getting the women that, you know what I'm saying, being the image that the woman wants. And now they like that social media plays a big part in this because, you know, women, you see people going on these trips, women want these trips. So a man has to get money for these trips. Women see these other girls going on these fancy dates to these restaurants. So now we gotta get the money to go take it on these restaurant dates and stuff like that. So we're trying so hard to catch up to that, to that eight ball. Oh man, we're behind the eight ball, so we're trying to catch up. And we just mentally draining ourselves. So when we mentally drain ourselves, we we be desperate and we do different desperate things and half the time results doesn't carry out very well for us. So I feel like we're we're a loss. We're a lost we're a lost society right now, as far as men.

SPEAKER_01 14:02

There's hope though.

SPEAKER_00 14:03

There's hope. You just gotta delete Twitter, delete Instagram. Do you think deleting social media is a is a fix for people who struggle with absolutely just know a couple of people who's who have done this in the past, they had like a social media cleanse for a month or a year, and they they realized that their life was so much better without social media because they're not comparing themselves to different people. They're not trying to buy this, buy that, or go here, go there. They're living their own life, going at their own pace compared to going to social media every day, looking at somebody that's doing this, and you're trying to, like I said, you're trying to catch up with that person every day. But instead you're trying to do your own thing because everybody has their own purpose, their own road to their own destiny, stuff like that. But when looking at somebody else's destiny, looking at somebody else's like road to their journey and stuff like that, you try to cross over through that lane, and it's not your lane. You know what I'm saying? You got a Prius and you're trying to get in the 18-wheel lane, you know? That you can't do it, you're gonna get ran over. So that's just how I feel about that.

SPEAKER_02 15:02

So, what would your advice be to men who are struggling with the impossible standards that social media has placed upon y'all?

SPEAKER_00 15:09

So, my advice to men is I mean, it's been said plenty of times before that life is a marathon, not a race. But to make it plain and simple, fuck what other people think and gotta say about you. Gotta live your own life, go your own pace, follow your own path. The moment you go off your path and try to go somebody else's path, you're gonna fuck up your whole life. You're trying to catch with somebody that's already about four or five years ahead of you, you're gonna find yourself stuck in a place that you can't get out of. So therefore, stay in your path, stay on your course that's given to you by God or whoever the powers may be, but do you, don't worry about nobody else, and you can make it in life. What about you? What's your advice to women in the in the aspect?

SPEAKER_02 15:53

For women, I think my biggest advice would be self-love is always gonna be the most important love. Until you love yourself, you're never gonna be able to accept who you are. The the standards that social media has placed on us are standards that some of us are never gonna reach. But I feel like if you we learn to love ourselves enough, then we'll be okay with where we are and how we look and who we are as individuals versus in trying to please social media and people that we don't even know. And with that being said, that's the end of our episode. We would appreciate you if you would rate and review us on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. And please follow and subscribe to our YouTube channel at the Black Healing Journals. And if you're also looking for a place to talk to like-minded individuals about any of your mental struggles, you can also join our Facebook group. And always remember that being aware of your mental health issues is a sign of strength, not weakness.

SPEAKER_00 16:49

And be sure to come in this week for the Black Men Can Cry 2 episode, where we will be discussing the lack of emotional awareness in African American men. Until then, my name is Nikabie, and this has been the Black Healing Journey this week.