Epic Universe Saga: Ministry of Magic

In the next chapter of our Epic Universe Saga, we explore the oh so problematic land, Wizarding World of Harry Potter: Ministry of Magic. Join Jasmine and Michelle as they discuss ridiculously long lines, Butterbeer, and how no one wrote Harry Potter; it just manifested. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to 1313 Harbor the Podcast, the only podcast where two middle-aged women finish each other's sandwiches. I'm Jasmine. I'm Michelle. And we are here to talk to you about Epic Universe, semicolon, the wizarding world of Harry Potter, Ministry of Magic. Forward slash Harry and Ron are back, even though it's a 1920s question mark. And they're also AI, I think, and Hermione, or possibly a sound alike in quotes, but I don't know. So uh before we talk about the world, um, I told Michelle, I'm like, let's just get this out of the way. JK Rowling sucks. And to quote Michael Scott, I hate so much about the thing she chooses to be, and also she's not a good screenwriter. Okay, now we got that all out of the way. I'm glad that we addressed the elephant in the room. Yes, it was a big elephant in the room. Um so yeah, we talk about this um this magical book called Harry Potter that just manifested, and we found the scrolls.

SPEAKER_01 0:58

Nobody wrote it. Nobody wrote it.

SPEAKER_00 0:59

Like the Dead Sea Scrolls, it's just there. And um, we translated it, and um now we present it to you in all of its theme park glory. Evie wrote it. My dog wrote it.

SPEAKER_01 1:09

Evie did wrote it, wrote it, write it. She can't talk. She did wrote it real good. She also wrote the first Fantastic Beasts movie, and then that was it. And then she was like, I'm done. They were like, Do you want to write Fantastic Beasts two and three? And she said, No, thank you. No, just give uh give it to the garbage to write. The garbage can write it. It's almost like those next two movies were written by a I well I've AI was like in its formidable year like form is that the right way? Infancy, yeah. Infancy. But also it seems like Fantastic Beasts 2 and 3 were like, you know what people like, they like Ezra Miller. It's like, yeah, but we spoiler alert, we killed him off in the first movie. Yes, but but teenage girls, so put them back, and it's like that doesn't make sense story-wise. They're like, we don't care. Money, money, money, money, money, money.

SPEAKER_00 2:01

And then they were like another problematic person, Ezra Miller.

SPEAKER_01 2:05

Right. And then they were like, also Johnny Depp, give him one contact and murder everybody, murder a baby, and then JK Rowling was like, Yeah, let's do this. Yeah, do a yes to all of it. Yes, and yeah. I don't know. It it's it stinks so much. I could go on a whole rant about how much I love the first Fantastic Beast movie, how I think it's so magical, how it literally could have just been kind of you know how every episode of Law and Order SVU is exactly the same? It's the crime happens, bum bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, and then the detectives find out about the crime, then they go interview the person, and they're like, the person's always like, Yeah, I know I'm talking to the detectives, but I'm doing my busy work because I'm a Broadway actor, and I'm gonna show everyone on NBC how good of an actor I am. Look at my side work I'm doing.

SPEAKER_00 2:57

Yes, and then Ice T explains something to the audience in very simple terms.

SPEAKER_01 3:03

Yes, and then Marishka Hargate is like, I'm actually great at everything. And then uh they always catch the bad guy.

SPEAKER_00 3:11

Okay, so let's talk about this portal. Okay, so this is um another portal in Epic Universe. This is from where we were in the park, the first portal on the left, but it coming from the entrance, it's the second portal on the right. Um, it's not so it's set in Paris in the 1920s during the Fantastic Beast series. The ride That's very important.

SPEAKER_01 3:34

Yeah. Did you hear that? Did you hear that it is set in the 1920s in Paris? Paris, France. So now say the next sentence, which will not make sense.

SPEAKER_00 3:47

So the next sentence is that the ride, the battle of the ministry, takes place in 1990s, London, right after the events of the original book series. What? Because spoilers, Fantastic Beast didn't do that well, and I think they panicked and last minute decided to go back to the well and um, you know, continue the story of Harry Potter and the AI friends.

unknown 4:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:13

That's the that's the eighth book. Yes. Harry Potter and the AI friends.

SPEAKER_01 4:19

And every time that you show Harry Potter, he looks a little different. Could you see him? Okay, well, we'll talk about them. So it's uh you We're in the land still. We're in the land. So we're at the very beginning. What does the sentence above it, the it's alive, it's alive? Oh, I don't remember.

SPEAKER_00 4:34

It's um something from Harry Potter. Yeah, you Google it. You you talk, I'll Google. Uh so there are like all the Harry Potter lands, there's wand interactions. Um, I mostly watched children do it because I tried and could not get any of them to work because I am a tall adult and apparently I don't believe in magic enough. Um, and a lot of the kids couldn't get it to work either, so uh, you know, maybe we just weren't magical enough. Uh there was one cool one that I did get to work where it was a statue um of a man, I think, without a head, outside of the ride, the battle of the ministry, and um it squirts water at you and a little creature pops out, and of course I got that to work and I got squirted with water, so that was fun. Um there's one with some creatures that you can get to appear that I've seen on video that were cool. Uh, and then of course, because it's Fantastic Beast, there's lots of creatures throughout the land. So there is a window with a moon calf, and that's a very sad story.

unknown 5:33

He's so cute!

SPEAKER_01 5:34

He's so cute.

SPEAKER_00 5:34

Are you gonna bum us out? Yeah, because so the theme is that the moon calf is waiting for his owner to come home, but he never does come home because he died. And it makes me- Why would you? Why would you why? Because they want to be mean. Then by the front entrance, there are some nifflers that we watched. Um, and if you watch my stories, I have them saved. Go to Jasmine Logivardi, Instagram, click on the Orlando stories. Somewhere in there is the Niffler video, including videos of everything we're referencing throughout this podcast series. Um, but yeah, it was very well decorated, very well themed. Um, we'll get into the details of the land right now. I was gonna say later, but we'll do it right now.

SPEAKER_01 6:12

So the portal has a time turner on top of it, which makes sense because you're going back in time to 1930s, except for the ride. That I don't know if you could tell. That really, that really grinds my gears.

SPEAKER_00 6:24

Several layers of time travel.

SPEAKER_01 6:26

So the the yeah, because you're in 2026, you go back to 1920, but then you go to 1990, and nobody has any spice girls anything.

SPEAKER_00 6:37

No, and this is what like night probably like 99, 2000 the ride, like peak, peak spice girls, peak spice girls time.

SPEAKER_01 6:44

So the saying above the portal is for in dreams we enter a world that is entirely our own, which is beautiful, lovely.

SPEAKER_00 6:53

Um, so you walk in, all the buildings are, I believe they're not what do you call it, like perspective. Um, I believe they're all actually like they're all three stories, and they're all like genuinely feel tall. I did I think I heard somewhere like it's not yeah, it's all just like actual three stories. Um they have good sight lines. You see Malmar, you see the I think you see the Eiffel Tower. It's like painted backdrop, but it looks real. Oh, really? I didn't even notice that. Oh, I know I didn't notice it until the second time we went in. Um you know, there's lots of little shops and stores and people walking around. Um the food was really great. The food was really good. Yeah, we're getting to the restaurants because I just got so excited. I just like it. No, it was that good. And then I bought a butterbeer cup accidentally and I left it because I didn't want it. Um 1930s and brick and good theming in general. Good job. It's kind of small, kind of a smaller land. It's T-shaped too. The others I feel like have a circle, like you enter and then there's a circle. This one is you go in and you can go to the left and the right, and that's about it.

SPEAKER_01 7:53

Yes. Um, my first impression was that it's absolutely beautiful. It's absolutely beautiful, and it really is breathtaking to not be in forced perspective, but actually, like you said, and the set dressings are beautiful, and the again, as a Fantastic Beasts fangirl, to be there is very, very, very cool. And I like how the Moichendice is all um like the 1920s, the old-fashioned robes. So they're not the robes that you saw in the movie, they're the robes that if you watch the flashback in the second movie, which I have a problem with because Minerva McGonagall would not have been the age to be teaching at that time to reprimand Lita La Strange. I have a lot of feelings about I love Fantastic Beasts, but I also hate Fantastic Beasts, but I love it, but I hate it. Um so I got one of those robes. They're very collegial. Collegiate? Collegiate?

SPEAKER_00 8:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 8:53

They're very like bah. What I learned in college was the friends we made along the way was the greatest education of all. You know, like yeah.

SPEAKER_00 9:04

Also, um, I we spent our whole college years all getting into a phone book, a bunch of not phone book, a uh phone booth, like 50 people in a phone booth and eating goldfish. Apparently that was a thing back in the 50s from pictures what of what I've seen. Oh, we should do that. We should take pictures in a phone. Wait, where's a phone booth? I think there might be one by the Queen Mary, but I don't know if it's still there anymore. That was an emotional roller coaster. Yeah. But we need to find a um get 50 friends and go into a phone booth, uh, apparently, because that's the thing and fit as many people as possible in there, like a clown car. But so I digress.

SPEAKER_01 9:37

I want I want you to know that I really want to talk about the Opalite music video on this podcast, but I won't, because this is not a Taylor Swift podcast.

SPEAKER_00 9:45

Unfortunately. Unfortunately. Because I love Taylor Swift. Okay. Um, but yes. So the the land is smaller. I feel like it's because there's rumored supposed to be a second ride, because I believe it's the only land with just one ride. They have a show, but spectacular show. Spectacular show. Burke has three rides and a show. This is just a a I mean, like, you know, an e-ticket ride and a show. Um, but I heard there was supposed to be another ride, but because Fantastic Beast did not perform as desired, uh, they had to scrap that and go another route. But there should be um land, or there should be a ride eventually, and I think it's gonna be to the right. And then there's a little area that looks like there should be a ride there.

SPEAKER_01 10:26

It's kind of a shame that, like, in the in the olden days, you had like um I'm trying to think of well, okay, to in Universal's Defense, they've never really done original IP. They've never been like, we're going to invent something. But other theme parks, whatever they might be, might have a show about fruits and vegetables that sing, or a dragon, and then they become very popular. Or a bird who is orange.

SPEAKER_00 10:52

I don't know. And or a room full of birds that sing to you in various European accents.

SPEAKER_01 10:58

Perhaps. Yes. Uh, and so I feel like Universal, if they really wanted to, if if you made it magical enough, I think it would have spoken for itself. But whatever, I'm not universal creative, but I could be. Call me.

SPEAKER_00 11:13

Call Michelle Marino at Michelle Marino iscool.com.

SPEAKER_01 11:19

Do I have to make that domain now? Yep. Slash org slash gov. Or you can just email me at vo by Michelle Marino at gmail.com.

SPEAKER_00 11:27

Uh, so let's talk about the show that we had briefly mentioned. Less arcanus. That sounds like anus, sorry. A-R-C-A-N-U-S. Um, so they it's like a TARDIS situation where you see a small cape and then you go in, cape, um, tent, and it's bigger on the inside. As you go in, it gets bigger and bigger and bigger. Uh, so to so the like um plot is in an attempt to bring Lesir Anus, Arcanus, back from its former glory, Ringmaster Skender has stolen that's the name Skender, has stolen Newt Skimander's suitcase, which contains fantastic beasts from around the globe. It is up to the circus employee Gwendolyn to rescue the creatures in this spectacular mix of live performers, amazing puppetry, dazzling special effects, and more. Um, and you also get a special appearance of a projection Newt Skimander who acts with okay. So you go in and we're gonna, you know, you wait in line. It's a circus, it's a circus, it's the 20s. Uh, you go into this one room and they have a pre-show with the actors who are in the show. So there is the um, I call him evil dreamfinder, who is the uh Skender, who's the head of the circus. There is his assistant Gwendolyn, who is a squib. She's not a magical person. She's like, I believe she's a squib. Um, there's another, a few other random characters, and basically you're setting up the fact that like this is a circus and house elves work here, and um, this guy has stolen Newt's Commander's suitcase. And then one of the what it's the creature that looks like an old man with blue eyes. Uh if only we had all of the world's information at the palm of our hand. So inconvenient. Um, so that creature, which is like a white old man with blue eyes, um, it escapes, and then the show starts, and you go into the main room. So the pre-show is cool. Um, they have an effect where like they put the suitcase on top of a box and then the creatures crawl out of the box. The guy who's the bad guy literally looks like Dreamfinder, but he's just evil. Um, but we don't know Dreamfinder's intentions. Like, he could have been evil too. We hope you do himself Demagise. A demagise. So yeah, that's that. Um in the in the show that was played, and it's played by a, I believe, a human in a suit. Spoilers. Um, a few of the characters were pure puppets, a few were a few were puppets with people in them, and a few were like costume characters. Um a few were projects. Okay, so I'm skipping ahead. So then you go into the main circus room and it looks like a circus. It starts off with like a traditional show, like there's a guy doing cool bubble tricks where like smoke goes into bubbles and he juggles and does cool things with the bubbles. There's some acrobatics, there's a pretty lady riding a broom. Um, then some point in the show, uh a creature something happens, I forget.

SPEAKER_01 14:07

I think the demigos I think the demigues comes out and Gwen is like, oh please, please get back into the into the suitcase. And then Oh yes, she brings out the suitcase, she's like, please go, please. And then he goes down and she's like, Ah, there's something bigger down here. It's smaller on the outside, and she goes downstairs, and then Yes.

SPEAKER_00 14:30

So so she goes into the suitcase, it's just a normal stage. All of a sudden, the bottom of the stage rises up to the top, and this smaller stage reveals to be actually a huge stage, and now you're in Newt Scamander's suitcase. Um, and she this is the role that Michelle should play, by the way. Oh, there's my cat. Oh, um, hello. There's the role that Michelle should play, which is Gwen, who's the lady who's like, I'm learning about these creatures, and oh, I you're so magical. You're not bad at all. You're actually so beautiful. Oh, I would oh, how wonderful.

SPEAKER_01 15:02

It's that literally you, Dale, and then a girlfriend of mine. After I saw the show, I was like, Oh my god, that Fantastic Beast show was amazing. And she was like, You should like one. And I'm like, Thank you. I do have a shtick, and it is being really nervous. Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 15:21

That's her thing. Um, so she meets the various creatures. Um, there's I'm just gonna call them what they look like. They're the big cat, which is a puppet, which it's huge. Like this is probably like a 30-foot-tall puppet. I can't. It takes up like a third of the stage. Yeah. Okay, maybe that's a lot, maybe a sixth. But it's huge. It's very tall.

SPEAKER_01 15:38

Um, there's I don't want someone to come back and be like, Michelle, yeah, your anecdotal proportions were incorrect. It was more like a sixth. Did I say an eighth of the stage? And you said a third, and I would like my money back. And then I would say, You do not pay money for this podcast. It is free.

SPEAKER_00 15:59

And they would say, Well, well, I paid for the gas to get there, and we'd be like, to get to your car, and then you know, then they would just get mad at me. So many questions. I would just have so many questions. So many questions. There's the hey you guys, what is that thing called? Hey you guys. The demiguys, the the white thing, demiguys, yeah. Demaguys. Uh, there are some of the the moon calves. Those are puppets, those are cute. Um, and then at certain points, Newt Scamander, like they have a projection of him, kind of like when you were Lonnie in um the disaster movie. Like it's like a projection. Um, and so like the actor is inner the live actor's interacting with Eddie Redmane, Newt Scamander, but you know, it's very clear that it's not he's not really there, it's a screen, but it is cool. It's a cool effect. And it's a high, high def, like 4K schmidoodli bapu. Uh so yeah, the show is really cool. So it's mostly like you go in thinking that it's gonna be a circus, and it's a cool circus, but you know, it it becomes something so much more.

SPEAKER_01 16:58

I had no idea that it was going to change, and so uh when we just watched the circus, I was like, I'm not a circus person, but it's pretty fun. Look at this.

SPEAKER_00 17:07

This man is bubbles, bubbles, bubbles, bubbles, uh it turns into like a whole show that like contributes to the canon of the Fantastic Beast verse.

SPEAKER_01 17:17

Yeah, it's almost like something fun like this should have just been the next two movies and not the slop they gave us.

SPEAKER_00 17:24

So then at some point, Evil Dreamfinder comes in and then Gwen's like, you suck, and he's like, I know. And he doesn't say that, but he's like, you suck. And then um I think No, you suck, no, you suck. No you the cat I think tries to eat him. When I say cat, I mean the thing that takes up anywhere from a third to an eighth of the stage. Um, and then but Newt comes in and he does magique, and then something bad happens to the guy. He doesn't die. I think he just likes it No, he he becomes like a cat toy. Oh, yes, he becomes a cat toy, and then Newt's like, Hey Gwen, you want to be my new assistant and help me protect the animals? And she's like, Boy, would I?

SPEAKER_01 18:03

I should find out if that's the name of his assistant in the movies to see if it connects if it's that girl, because that his assistant, I think it's telegraphed that she's in love with him. Uh, but I don't know. Again, I have not seen ver uh movie two and three, except for the one time that I watched them both, and I was like, Gotta blast.

SPEAKER_00 18:28

Yeah, I never I never watched three, I only watched two, and I'm like, mmm, gross. Mop it up.

unknown 18:33

Clean it up.

SPEAKER_00 18:35

Um yeah, it's a very lovely circus. Highly recommend it. Um it's now been spoiled for you. So before you go, just forget everything we said and uh just so I even I I watch spoilers for everything for that show. They don't oblivate, they don't let you record it. I'm sure people have recorded it.

SPEAKER_01 18:51

People have. I was so sad. Okay, I'm sad that we spoiled it. I'm so sorry. But also, I was really glad that we I didn't see a single meet peep or sheep about it. Uh, because I really was, I really did think, like, golly, golly, mister, I think this circus is real slow.

SPEAKER_00 19:14

I I like it a lot.

SPEAKER_01 19:16

I knew it was like I heard stuff about like Jimmy, and I sold lemonade so that I could afford the circus, and gee golly, Willickers, it sure was worth it.

SPEAKER_00 19:30

And that boy was a horse. No 30 rock quote. 30 rock quote. Um, so yeah, even though I knew like puppets were involved and it wasn't what it seemed, like I didn't hadn't seen anything, so it was just so cool in person, but it is just so spectacular to see in person. So even though there's a few creatures we didn't spoil, um, you know, I still say watch it, it's cool. Go see if you agree with me that that's evil dreamfinder.

SPEAKER_01 19:57

And think of me and write to Universal Orlando and say that I should play Gwen, please.

SPEAKER_00 20:01

Yes. Like, dear Universal, Michelle should be Gwen. They'll be like, Michelle, who? And you're like, don't worry about it.

SPEAKER_01 20:07

But she is available at Vio by Michelle Marino at gmail.com.

SPEAKER_00 20:12

Yes, it's uh, I don't know why. I just watched it, I'm like, that should be Michelle. Um, the only thing that would have made the show better is if you played that part. If like I looked next to you and I'm like, Michelle, you should play that part, and then all of a sudden you like rip something off and you're in costume and then you run on stage.

SPEAKER_01 20:27

I am her!

SPEAKER_00 20:29

And I'm like, Whoa, whoa, what? Also, I tried to boggle out.

SPEAKER_01 20:34

Whoa, whoa, whoa! I tried really hard to wear uh shirts that are not branded any other theme park company, you know, like knots or six flags or whatever. Sea world. So I have a Coca-Cola shirt that's definitely made by AI and it was sold at Target, and um because of the shrine to Coca-Cola. Or I like to call that that not portal, literally like little kiosk, the Church of Coca-Cola, and that's where I worship.

SPEAKER_00 21:02

The celestials are like, hello, would you may we interest you in a Coke? And I'm like, don't need to ask me.

SPEAKER_01 21:07

Welcome to Coca-Cola, where we worship cocaine. Anyway.

SPEAKER_00 21:14

So let's move on to so this is in the middle of the park. So right when you walk in, the very back center is the circus. So you go to the left and then you get to the ride with the longest line in the whole world. Harry Potter and the Battle of the Ministry.

SPEAKER_01 21:28

Harry Potter and the Terrible Load System.

SPEAKER_00 21:30

Yep. It is terrible load system. Uh, spoiler alert, the best part of this ride is the line. It is very spectacular.

SPEAKER_01 21:37

The line is if you've seen the Ministry of Magic in the movies. In real life. It it's real life, and they I love that they did not scrimp on anything. They were like, No dollar buck will be wasted.

SPEAKER_00 21:55

Like when so except on the ride system.

SPEAKER_01 21:58

Except on the ride system, the ride system. They're like, we sorry guys, we misread the budget. We it said not to exceed a million dollars on the queue. We said should we thought it said it should only exceed a million dollars on the queue.

SPEAKER_00 22:11

And only one dollar for the rest of the ride.

SPEAKER_01 22:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:15

Sorry. Sorry about it. So uh you enter into the Paris metro system. So it says travel by flu, metro flu from Paris to the British Ministry of Magic. Sorry, that's terrible. Um, where Dolores Umbridge is about Dolores Umbridge trademark uh is about to stand trial. Is it really? Yeah, it literally because I copied this from Universal and there's a trademark right by it. Is about to stand trial. Borda Lift, uh, that's elevator for us in America, and join Ron, Harry, and Hermione as you join or as you journey deep into the ministry's main department. Uh departments, not apartments, departments. Thrilling Adventures, Fantastic Beast, and Unexplored Mystery awaits in Harry Potter and the battle of at the ministry trademark. Was there a fantastic beast? There was a moon Yeah, there was a big Fantastic Beast. Oh, yeah, okay. Yes, I remember now. I literally forgot. Uh so basically you enter after so the line is never like less than three hours. Luckily, we had express pass, so we only I think had to wait 30. Um but 30 hours. 30 hours, yes. But literally, I don't think I ever saw it less than 120 minutes. So take with that what you will. Sometimes I think I actually did see it at 90, but that is a very long line because it has a very poured load system and ride system that breaks down a lot. Um, so the line, the highlight of the ride. Uh so travel through through a flu. So basically you travel through a flu. So you go through and then like smoke comes up as soon as you go through on both sides and it's green, and like all of a sudden you're in the Ministry of Magic. Ooh. And you go from 1920s Paris to 1990s British Ministry, 98, 99. I don't know enough about the books to technically it would be a TARDIS, right?

SPEAKER_01 23:59

Yes, because you're moving through time in time and space, which with Back to the Future, this is the whole thing about time travel. Because I love a time travel movie, but there are certain mechanics of it. Either a TARDIS moves through time and space, right? So, and then a DeLorean only travels through time, so it'll have to be the same place just X amount of years ago. And then if you just travel through space, that's called a car. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 24:29

So or if you don't almost have sex with your mom, you can't time travel and back to the future. I should write that down. Yeah. Just in case any of you are wondering, that's the cost of time travel. Gotta get back in time. I guess he doesn't sleep with his mom. His mom just wants to sleep with him. His mom tries to rape him many times in his underwear from Calvin Klein.

unknown 24:52

Calvin Klein.

SPEAKER_00 24:54

Uh so the Metro flu alone has over 80,000 subway tiles, and the British Ministry of Magic space spaces have over 125,000 of the iconic ministry tiles in five colors. So they use a lot of tiles. That's cool. Yeah. It's like a giant shower. No, I'm kidding. The acoustics are great. So the flues you walk through are probably like they're pretty wide, like 10 feet wide, probably 10 feet tall. Don't give, don't give measurements because people will get upset. They will. It's okay, it's large. So then you go through and you enter, and like as soon as you enter the ministry, like my jaw dropped. Like it's huge inside. Like, I don't know the exact footage, but it feels like three stories or more. That's what I was gonna say.

SPEAKER_01 25:39

Three to five stories, but that's a different story.

SPEAKER_00 25:43

Uh it's yeah, absolutely, it's huge. So you enter into the Ministry of Magic Art Artrium. A R atrium Atrium, yes, atrium. Sorry, I'm very tired.

SPEAKER_01 25:54

No, that's okay. There are certain words like Tagallo. I if I see it, I say tagalo, and then I'm like, that's Tagalo. Yes. Like, you stupid lady.

SPEAKER_00 26:05

That's why I say to myself, you know how you say to yourself all the time. Hey, stupid lady. And she goes, Yeah. Uh so there inside is the fountain of magical brethren, statues of a witch, centaur, and house elf. Um, so yeah, there's a big there, I don't think there's water, but there's a big gold fountain that's huge. Like I cannot express to you the hugeness. Uh the ministry, it's you see all the um, I don't know, like offices stacked up. Yeah. And the sky is like, it's like um inside outside sky where it's like stormy inside. They have a giant newspaper that's like the moving newspaper. So you see um Kingsley Shacklebolt, Billingham. Sorry, another 30 rock joke. Um, then you see uh like Dolores Umbridge pops up, and she the theme of this ride is she's been arrested and she's waiting to stand trial. Um and this it's a huge part of the line, but it's at least an interesting part. You can actually go and I think just see this room without having to wait in line. You just tell the person um in the single writer line, like, hey, I just want to see the queue, and I supposedly you can see it. Um or you can just wait in line for 120 hours, your choice.

SPEAKER_01 27:08

No. Because it does get claustrophobic I don't know about you, it does get really claustrophobic in some of the so like going from the atrium to Dolores' office, it gets really narrow. Yes. And I we were in Express and I was still like, oh god, if someone passed out or there was an emergency, like, and I'm not that person that's like, I don't get into an elevator and I'm like, how would I fight my way out of here? Like, I'm not that person. But I was like, I'm a little, I'm a little um there's a lot of people in a really small space making me a little nervous.

SPEAKER_00 27:42

And you spend the most time in the most boring places that are just all where all the tiles are. Like you don't spend a long, like at least we didn't spend a long time in like the main room. And then there's a big witch or wizard statue when you walk in that's enormous, um, and it's all gold. Uh, and then you walk into office, not offices, like I think it's offices, but like the kind where you go up at like a DMV and you talk to the person through like the glass and they have a little speaker, whatever you call that, um you know, meeting boxes for people to meet with the public. Um, then you see like lockers, and then you see Ron, Harry's, and I think um Neville's lockers, because they're aurors in Hermione's maybe too.

SPEAKER_01 28:22

Um no, she's not, she's on or she's she's in the ride, though. She is, is she? She is. Yeah. But I mean, like, what's her face? The best bell there's ever been. Yeah. Sarcasm. Emma Watson. Also, I had a joke that I was holding on to. So you said that we're you're in the most boring parts of the ride with all the tiles, unless you're a tile file.

SPEAKER_00 28:46

And then you're like, Yes! Look at these tiles! I'm gonna study these tiles. I feel like I'm in a big shower. I'm just gonna wash that man right out of my hair. Just gonna bathe. So you walk then into Dolores Umbridge's office, and you are greeted by Higgledie, who is in the animatronic and is also her house elf. In the context context of the story, she is not an animatronic in real life. She's an animatronic. Um, and she has like little pink heels on, and she's riding with a pink quill, and she's telling you about like how her mistress, Dolores Umbridge, was arrested and she deserved it, and she deserves to die. She doesn't say that last part, but she said she was arrested. Um, and I think she tells you the plot of the ride, but I wasn't paying attention because Michelle and I were talking about how much we love Dolores' Umbridge's aesthetic and how are we bad guys because we like her stuff so much.

SPEAKER_01 29:36

No, not like love. It's pink, there are cats, it's porcelain, it's cute, and also that uh actress Amilda Stanton. Yeah, Amilda Stanton or Stanton, yeah. Something she's married to Carson from downtown Abbey, and then their daughter is the taller Penelope sister, Featherington, the one that's like from Bridgeton. Like, I'm familiar. They don't understand how to make a baby, and it's very funny.

SPEAKER_00 30:07

But um I was gonna say the red-headed one, but they're all redheaded. They're all red-headed.

SPEAKER_01 30:11

But that Melda is such an amazing, so she's in the crown. It took me a long time. She did. Yes, she didn't play Jerry the butler, she played the queen. She's so she's such a good actress. You know, I love watching, huh?

SPEAKER_00 30:27

She was in Vera Drake. I think she won her Academy Award for that. Oh, I haven't seen that.

SPEAKER_01 30:31

I've only seen like her newer stuff, but I love watching clips of her on stage.

SPEAKER_00 30:35

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 30:36

Um, she really is. The fact that I hate her so much as Dolores Umbridge, uh, and it and then I love her so much as the queen.

SPEAKER_00 30:50

I'm like, dang woman, you make me feel like she's if you ask most people who like Harry Potter who is the worst person in Harry Potter, they're gonna say her over Voldemort, even though like technically Voldemort is more evil and is the leader and is directly killing more people, like just this because I think she's more realistic of like you just know that person who like will jump at the opportunity for power.

SPEAKER_01 31:14

Yeah, like because Bellatrix is crazy, right? Like she's cuckoo for cocoa. She's just I'm and that but yeah, manipulative and like fake to your face and just like great greater good, yeah. Yes, icky, icky poo-poo.

SPEAKER_00 31:31

Yeah, but she has great style, yes, she does. So yeah, there's like walls of plates with cats on them, and they're all moving, and then there's a portrait of a cat, and there's a feather duster being used by magic um to dust the picture, and the cat's like trying to capture the feather duster. Um, and you know, there's an animatronic in this scene, so that makes it great, and she's wearing pink, and yeah, 10 out of 10 would recommend. Cats, animatronics, you got us ride. Done. What but then you go into another hall, endless hallway. Um, then you go up and downstairs at one point because of Epic Universe. If you can't walk up and downstairs, you might have a problem because there was not a single ride where you did not have to walk upstairs at some point to get to your ride.

SPEAKER_01 32:13

Now they do have elevators. I did notice them because I had a pulled muscle, and towards the end of the first day, I was like, I might have to start using the elevators because my legs were just hurting me so much. But I was too stubborn. I was too stubborn, and the stubbornness award goes to me.

SPEAKER_00 32:33

Thank you. Too proud. Uh but yes, there are just a lot of stairs. Um, so then you get on to the ride. So the ride vehicle is an elevator, but it's just seats. Like they look plush, but they're not. They're kind of hard, they're really hard plastic. And then you have a seatbelt, like a lap seat belt, and probably what, how many people do you think could fit in there? Like 10 people?

SPEAKER_01 32:57

Four, eight, maybe sixteen, maybe twenty?

SPEAKER_00 33:03

Not that many. I can't remember. Not a ton of people, but not a few people. So a medium amount of people. Between zero and a hundred. Yes. So you get on, um, and it's just it's a it's a box. Um, if you've seen the ride vehicle, I believe it's like it looks like a scissor lift is the best way, but with a box on top. So you go in and um you're in the elevator and it's you know moving side to side up and down, but it's screen, so like I don't know how much you're actually you're on a track, it's like a the cuckoo arm style track, but you're not on a cuckoo arm. Um, and then Harry, Ron, and Hermione are there and other wizards. Oh, and I think Higgilly's there.

SPEAKER_01 33:37

They're pretty far away though.

SPEAKER_00 33:38

They do a really good job of being like the perspective looks really cool. Like when they're like in an elevator, and the elevator's 3D from the screen.

SPEAKER_01 33:45

And yeah, like that's cool, but they're pretty far they're pretty deep in the image, and then they have the bars in front of them. So I'm like, this is a really good way of like hiding the fact that it's not Ron, Emma, and um Ron. Um what's his name? Emma um Rupert and thank you. Rupert Daniel and Emma Watson. Like, I I I Googled it. I it said it wasn't them, it said it was like computer and AI and sound aliks.

SPEAKER_00 34:12

Yeah, I think Universal's claiming it's look-alikes and sound alikes that they computer like they digitally altered. I think it's like 90% AI. It definitely has that AI look of like it's a little choppy and it's very smoothed. So you can't really tell that they're humans, they're very smoothed.

SPEAKER_01 34:28

I was I didn't have my glasses on, so I just saw like Hermione's shirt. I was like, cool, Hermione, redhead, Ron, kid with glasses. Yeah. Also, okay, you're telling me that in the wizarding world they don't have like eye surgery. I guess it's the 90s.

SPEAKER_00 34:44

Yeah. Or Harry Potter, that was just a part of his identity. Yeah. He was like glasses. I choose to help. Help me. I love them. They're me. I just keep thinking of that um meme that's like Daniel Boringcliffe, Daniel Radcliffe, and it's like a monster truck with like him with sunglasses on. Um I want that tattoo. Yes, I want it tattooed on my back. Then you I think they're saying something like, Dolores Unbridge is on trial. Oh, she deserves to be on trial because she sucks. Um, and then you go into another room, and then you see Dolores Unbridge, and she's in her prison ensemble. Um, and then she's with they kill she's with a death eater, a death eater appears. Um, and I was just very disoriented after this line, so I'm trying to remember it. And they kill the guy, the death eater, and then Dolores Unbridge is like, I will do for the greater good, and then she transforms back into her pink ensemble, um, and then she makes your elevator like spin away. So you sp you go, woo, spin, spin, spin, then you actually do spin. Then you go into a giant room that's like a library, and it's a mixture of screens and sets and animatronics, so it's really layered. So there's a really cool, like articulated um what do you call Death Eater animatronic that if you can see the screen, if we actually do post the videos, I'm moving like how the animatronic moves.

SPEAKER_01 36:03

He's like breakdancing, he's like pop, pop, lock and pop, lock it, pocket, polka dot it, country fire, and hip hop, put your arms in the sky, move side to side, jump to the left, stick it, glide.

SPEAKER_00 36:14

I can't believe I remembered that. Michelle is a genius. Um, and so like you're fighting the Death Eaters, and they're fighting people, um, and then there's like books and the the fur is flying, and then at one point, I your your thing you get spun around again, then you end up in a room with Dolores, and this is just screens, and she makes you fall. And I thought we were gonna free fall in the elevator, so I preemptively screamed, and literally you don't even feel like you're free falling, you just like lower an inch. And I was just like, whoa! You know how like I did for um Monsters Unchained. I that's what I was thinking.

SPEAKER_01 36:50

I was like, you need to stop watching ride-throughs because you're like, Oh, oh, it's fine.

SPEAKER_00 36:56

It was not the sensation I expected at all. It was good, and then I thought I would free fall. Uh, then you there is a rhino magical creature, which I'm sure has an actual name, but we're just gonna call it a giant rhino. Okay. And it's chasing after you, and it hits you with its horn, and then you fly up and back down. And that I feel like you don't really feel like you're falling at all. Um, then you turn around. I'm sorry if I'm skipping anything. This is all just for memory. Um, and then you see the actual, you see another elevator with Ron Hermione and Harry in it, and I think somebody else. And then the rhino, it's a screen of the rhino is like hitting them and it's making it not work. Um, then you turn around again and it's like you're in the departure of magical creatures. And um, then you see an animatronic of the rhino, and it's enormous and beautiful and lovely. Yeah. And I kept thinking, how'd they do that?

SPEAKER_01 37:48

How'd they make that?

SPEAKER_00 37:49

Then you go into the time turner room, and it's just like a huge screen room, but there's like it's 3D, so like there's like a little like gazebo thing in the front, and then the screens in the back, and there's windows, so it's like screens, but it actually like is a set with screens, if that makes sense. Clocks and tires travels back in time. Um, and then this is the port part of the ride where our our car broke down. So the elevator breaks, um, everything's frozen, it's not off, and all of a sudden our car kind of feels like it's gonna fall to the side. It like clicks to the side all of a sudden, and we're a little bit more.

SPEAKER_01 38:23

And you hear like a real this is not what's supposed to happen, but we heard like this really loud mechanical grinding sound. Yes. And I and again, because so many rides at Universal are oh no, something went wrong. I didn't know if this was part of the ride or it broke for real.

SPEAKER_00 38:42

So I just knew something was off because it had been so smooth up until that point, and then all of a sudden it just literally felt like it was gonna fall over. It was like tip me over and pour me out. Like um, then we turned around, so we couldn't see any of the rest of the ride. So our back was to the actual ride, and then we were looking at behind it, which I don't remember if you could see behind the scenes or it was black. Yeah, but yeah, it was like black brick. So then we're just exiting, the ride vehicle comes to the front. You don't see any of the finale, and I was trying to explain to Michelle, I'm like, oh yeah, I know this there's stuff, this is what happens, this is what happens. So we get back to the front, and they're like, Oh, we're gonna let you go again. But then were there some people, some of our so we got off to get on another car, and some of the people who are with us just left.

SPEAKER_01 39:26

Yeah, they were on a VIP tour, so they couldn't have come back anytime, but they were like, No, thank you.

SPEAKER_00 39:31

Yeah, you don't want to wait. So we get into another ride vehicle. It takes four, oh, the loading takes forever.

unknown 39:36

Forever.

SPEAKER_00 39:37

Like, first they like make you they split you up into groups, then you kind of have to just figure out, you know, normally like you go somewhere and they're like, okay, uh, three on one, um, four on two, like you know what row you're in, you know where you're standing. This one, it's like, oh, go to this elevator, and then within within this elevator, there's like 20 spots, and it's just kind of like, oh, stand on this spot. But then, like, really the front row is on the inside, so you're in the back. And I thought I picked the best spot, but I was in the back corner.

SPEAKER_01 40:03

I had no idea how they loaded this vehicle. Yeah, it was like it was confusing. Go stand on this one spot, and you're like, oh, okay, this is going to line up with how the ride is, but then there's like a side section of like two rows, and I'm like a different room. Yeah, in a different it's like I don't, I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 40:21

The actual loading area has one line, and then outside the room has another line. And like the numbers get progressively smaller, so you're like, oh, I guess I'm gonna stand on, and they don't even tell you which number to stand on. It's just kind of like figure it out. Yeah, go over there, have fun. You're like, okay, talk amongst yourselves. Um, so yeah, you get on. So we got to go on again. Okay, so now we'll pick up from the part of the ride that broke. So you're the time turner, all of a sudden, all the like the things melt in the time room and you're traveling in time. Then you turn around and you see an animatronic of Dolores Unbridge, and she's on like the Statue of Liberty arm. It's not the Statue of Liberty Arm, but it's like it like feels like that to me.

SPEAKER_01 40:57

It reminded me of the American Adventure attraction where it's like the Statue of Liberty Arm. Yes. So I or the or Muppets 3D, 3D, where you know, it's that close-up of Miss Piggy with the Statue of Liberty arm. I'm just saying the same thing over and over.

SPEAKER_00 41:12

It reminded me of they used to at Universal Hollywood have an Alfred Hitchcock show where they showed you how they recreated special effects for Alfred Hitchcock movies, and they had the Statue of Liberty arm and they recreated, like showing what it looked like, like the person holding onto the edge, and it's like edge, and it's like this isn't the real Statue of Liberty. This is only five feet off the ground. It just reminded me of that. Um, and then there's a giant screen, and then at one point, Dolores Unbridge um Higglety like knocks her off the thing or uses a spell and gets so she goes flying through time and space, and then the animatronic turns around and goes dark. So she kind of she goes from the animatronic mode to the screen mode. Then you see Harry and Ron going after her, and she's like, I must do for the greater good. And Harry's like, You must not, I must not tell lies, Professor, you know, bringing it back and turning it on her like he did in the movie, like, I must not tell lies. Then they capture her, then they turn you around again, and you're with the wizarding Gamat or whatever it's called, the Wizard Council. And this part's normally really cool, but it was not working for us very well. Um at all. You have all these like wizards and witches in the background, and they're all animatronics, um, and they all look pretty good, but they are supposed to be moving, but they weren't really moving. Then you have Kingsley Shacklebolt, um, animatronic. He's supposed to be moving more. I don't think any of them were really moving for us. Then you have Dolores, Harry, and Ron. Dolores, Harry, and Ron are projections, and everyone else is like an animatronic face. Then Dolores Umbridge is um in her pink outfit, and then they're supposed to do magic, and then her outfit transforms into black and white prison outfit. But none of that worked for us. But I've seen videos of this. This is a really cool scene. Then you go past a camera and it takes a picture of you. It's like you're in the wizarding newspaper, good job, and then that's the end of the ride. And but I don't think we got that part either. I think it just was like this is the end, and then they didn't offer to let us go through again. Nope. Even though things weren't working, so yeah, um, a lot of people think this is the best ride. I would disagree with him.

SPEAKER_01 43:04

I I would disagree. We haven't even gotten to my favorite ride. I I think I'm going to s abstain from calling anything the best ride because that's so serious.

SPEAKER_00 43:17

Even though it's hiccup's wing gliders.

SPEAKER_01 43:19

Yes. But I I'm gonna just say my favorite ride. This was definitely not my favorite ride. This is not even my favorite ride of the big three Harry Potter rides. Um be thinking of uh Forbidden Journey, uh Hagrids. Oh no, I didn't even count Hagrids. Yeah. So I the I'll say the big four. So Forbidden Journey, Hagrids, Motorbike, Express, Gringotts, and this. I would say Hagrid it goes for me, it goes Hagrids, Forbidden Journey, Gringotts, and then this.

SPEAKER_00 43:54

I would put this one higher, but only because like it would not it would be no higher than three. Um But also I rank the Forbidden Journey one lower because we have it and I'm used to it. But really, if I do it objectively, this one would probably still be at the bottom.

SPEAKER_01 44:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 44:08

Um, but yeah, it was not that good. It's not worth a line. It's cool, especially if you're like a you're a huge Harry Potter person. But if you're even at all casual, don't waste your time.

SPEAKER_01 44:18

See, and I'm a huge Harry Potter person. Like I love, I I'm I'm very into the art, not the artist. Let me be very clear. But and I didn't enjoy it at that very much at all.

SPEAKER_00 44:34

She hates so much about what it chose to be.

SPEAKER_01 44:36

Yes. I just I I don't know what I was expecting, but it certainly wasn't that. Anyway, I digress. It's it's lovely. I love the tiles. I love the cue. I love the cue more than I like the attraction.

SPEAKER_00 44:50

It's very grand. It's very grand. Yeah. The cue, the atrium. Well, and some scenes in the ride are very grand too, like the inner the large rhino.

SPEAKER_01 45:00

Library, the resources, yeah, and the the fantastic beasts. But if you cannot pick up on the theme, I really like Fantastic Beasts and where to find them. The first one. But there's only one. There is only one.

SPEAKER_00 45:11

And it just manifested. Nobody wrote it. It just appeared. And we're like, we're grateful.

SPEAKER_01 45:16

Thank thank you. Thank you, Univus.

SPEAKER_00 45:20

Um, I mean, yeah, it's a cool if you're a theme park person too, it's a cool technological achievement. I think the problem, like with so many rides where they invent the ride system, is that they haven't had time to perfect it, and it often goes wrong. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 45:34

But I do like the fact that even though it broke and it was like gotta get these people back, and instead of showing you the broken show scenes, it turns you around, so you just see the black brick. I think that that is very thoughtful and very cool because it would be even worse to have been spoiled. Do you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00 45:52

And there's no parts that are just screens, like always there's 3D, there's sets and stuff is projected um from it. Screen is used as a tool instead of as a an enhancement, yeah. Yes. Not as the main attraction.

SPEAKER_01 46:05

Right. Like Monsters Unchained, where it's like Dracula without shoes and a screen behind him. So it's like, oh, okay, something real and then something screeny. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 46:15

So now let's talk about the food of um Epic Universe of Harry Potter Land. Uh so we ate at the Cafe Le Seron, Siron. Um, so it's Sirens Air. I know French, but this is even complicated for me. Um I do not know French, but I know a good meal when I have it, and I had it. She had it. Um, so this restaurant looked beautiful. It looked like a restaurant in New York that I've been to, like a very Art Deco Art Nouveau. Oh, sorry, yeah, Art Nouveau, beautiful, ornate restaurant with lots of tile again. They really like a tile theme. They could get a discount on tile. They did. They're like bulk, please. We'll take all the colors. All of it. They have um lots of beautiful Art Nouveau paintings of sirens and witches.

SPEAKER_01 47:00

They really if universal, universal. Let me buy these prints. Yes. Let me buy them. They I love Art Nouveau, is like my Jimmy Jam ever since I saw Enchanted and could put like a name to that like aesthetic. I freaking love it. I would have bought all of these. There's like a beautiful mermaid, there's a hot merman, there's a beautiful witch with a black cat, and I'm like, I want to give you money. And Universal says, no, thank you.

SPEAKER_00 47:27

We're good. So you order food here like you do at all the places in Universal that we ate at, which are really I liked this system, which is you they seat you at a table, you order from the app, you skate, you put in your table number, and they bring you the food. Now the app part, that's kind of a pain, but I do like that you didn't have to order, sit down, go get your food. I like that aspect of it. Yeah. And as someone who knows how to use an app and is familiar with theme park apps, it was great. But if you do not know how to use an app, I'm sorry, that really sucks for you. Um, and that's not sarcastic, like it really does suck. Like they shouldn't do that.

SPEAKER_01 47:58

Theme parks have become so complicated. So if you're not technologically literate, it sucks.

SPEAKER_00 48:04

Like you don't even get a park map anymore. No, you don't. And they would like to pay as few people as possible, so that's why they do this, because then they don't need like a waiter, they can just have someone to bring you your food, basically. Yeah. A runner. Eliminate, yeah, a runner. They eliminate several positions. Um, but yeah, so I had the beef burguignon, which was okay. It was a little dry, but it was pretty good. I had a frozen butterbeer, and I accidentally ordered the glass and I didn't want it and I didn't know what to do with it, so I just left it. Um and they're probably like, that dumb lady, she left her cup that she bought. I'm like, yeah, no, I did on purpose. Um you had what did you have? Food. You had food. We had butterbeer crepes that were butterbeer crepes that were good. They were good, but people like act like they're life-changing and say it's the best food ever. Maybe it wasn't hot, but it was okay. It was fine.

SPEAKER_01 48:52

It was fine. Um crepes filled with like butterbeer mousse. And I had something with like cheese. Yes. I don't really remember.

SPEAKER_00 48:59

And did it be like a sandwich?

SPEAKER_01 49:01

I had a sandwich. Oh, yes. I had a sandwich, he had something with cheese, but I was eating off his plate. And my sandwich was it was a turkey sandwich.

SPEAKER_00 49:09

Like it was good. Yeah, it was good. I mean, like, you know, it's not the best food I had in the whole park, but it wasn't bad by any means. It just was like, it was and the presentation was great. It was creative. Um, we talked to some ladies who were next to us. I think it was a mother and daughter, and the daughter acted shocked when we told her our ages, and I wanted to give her money. Like, God bless you here. Yes, thank you for making us feel young. Yes. Um, so yeah, that food, the atmosphere was great, the food was great. Um, probably one of the better atmospheres, like in terms of restaurants.

SPEAKER_01 49:40

And I like that they had outdoor seating, so it really felt like cafe vibey. Yes. Um, but when we were we were inside and we saw the walk-around characters, a girl from Bobu Tonne, a New York like 1920s person, and then a Hogwarts student from Ilver Morney, and then a Hogwarts student, we saw the three of them like walking around, and I was like, Oh, I'm gonna be so excited to interact with them. And they did not interact with us. And I was really sad because I really wanted to talk to them. I want to see like what's their story. There also was a Bobby, no, a police officer.

SPEAKER_00 50:15

I have it so I have it written down. Hold on. A detective. So the let's skip to characters and come back to food. So the characters were um Cosme Akor, not Akatar, that's the book you like. Akajor, which is the wand maker of France. We saw it. She's walking around. Um, there's or so what you're thinking of, that's an aura, which is a handsome man in a dapper suit who was staring at me at one point, and I was staring back at him. I'm like, are you gonna come talk to me? Or do I have something on my face? So I looked to him and he looked to me. Uh, and so, but we walked away, so he didn't talk to me. So he's going around, like, I think solving a crime, being like, hey ladies, I'm bonjour, I'm solving a crime.

SPEAKER_01 50:55

The crime is you look so beautiful, it is illegal. Igor, are you back? I'm Igor. Hello. This is actually how he solves. He does not sound like these. But I pretend he does, Jasmine.

SPEAKER_00 51:11

There is so we didn't interact with those two people, even though we saw both of them. The one lady standing outside the wand shop, and she she's like, Oh, bonjour. I buy my wands, I'm just smoking a cigarette. No, she's not smoking a cigarette. She should have. She should have. Um, then there's the exchange students, which were disappointing. So it's a Beaubaton student leaving around an Ilvermory student and a Hogwarts student, and the their houses depend on, I think I've seen different houses, but mostly I see Hufflepuffs as the house person. Um, and so the Beaubaton Lady's Lagman, the Hogwarts one is, you know, a Florida kid doing a British accent to the best of their ability. They were born for this moment, they've been practicing their whole lives. Um, they went from playing King George to this, so great.

SPEAKER_01 52:00

You'll be back soon. You'll see.

SPEAKER_00 52:04

Then remember you belong to me. Then there's another role uh Michelle could play is the Ilvermorty student, even though these people are young enough to literally be our children. Be our children. Um, so because she's like every Ilvermorty student I've seen, because of course they didn't interact with us, so I just had to watch videos, was like, yo, I'm from New York, and like I'm just visiting Paris. A pair of new shoes with matching laces. I just came from the newsies, and now I'm going to a wizarding school. Forget about it. Hey, I'm walking here. Get a load of this, Ma. And literally it's that. And you know, she's wearing red. Usually it's a oh, I've usually seen Bobeton as a woman, um, Elva Morney's a woman, and a man is the Hogwarts students, but it's varies. I've seen both.

SPEAKER_01 52:47

Oh, I've seen uh the one time we saw them. I saw Bobaton was a girl and the other two were boys.

SPEAKER_00 52:54

So um I did smile at the students as we walk by them in a nice way, just to be like, hey, let's let's interact. And they looked away.

SPEAKER_01 53:02

They didn't. You're so funny. In a nice way, I didn't show them my fangs in a in a predatory way.

SPEAKER_00 53:08

I didn't smile, not showing my upper teeth.

SPEAKER_01 53:11

Hey guys! Hey Ella morning. How'd you fine? Uh I could be your mom.

SPEAKER_00 53:18

I really wanted to talk to them, but you know they don't want to talk to us.

SPEAKER_01 53:21

Nope.

SPEAKER_00 53:22

Uh then there's traveling musicians, which we did not see much of, and they have a creature that performs with them like in a box, like a magical creature. Yeah. And then we did see this, but we didn't interact with it. A talking portrait. So if you go into like the dark arts section of this land, um, there is a portrait that talks to you, and there was like a line of kids in front, and it's just yeah, it's like it I don't think it's mouth moved or did, and yeah, it's I think it did.

SPEAKER_01 53:48

It reminded me of like a VTuber. You know how the the VTubers tube?

SPEAKER_00 53:55

They tube on the tube. Um, but yeah, it's like a live actor. It's kind of like that one in um the land in Island of Adventure that's the Greek land, not the Greek, the mythos fountain.

SPEAKER_01 54:09

Oh, the fa yeah, yeah, the the magical fountain of hopes and dreams, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 54:14

So it's just a live actor interacting. It looked cool, but there was a long line. So we watched it for a moment, and yeah, those are the characters that we did not directly interact with, but I did stare lovingly at an aura, or he thought I was a bad guy.

SPEAKER_01 54:28

I mean, you know what? Maybe there was going to be love between you two, but it never came to fruition. Or he didn't have his glasses on, and he's like, Is that Jill?

SPEAKER_00 54:36

Is that Margaret? Um, so back to the food. So there was a place that we did not eat, but we walked by it called the Goblet Noir. This is the dark arts um section of the park. It's very small. There's like melting green goo in that land. Um, what was up with that? I don't know, but like Dale's like, oh, it's dripping from this mushroom up here. I'm like, oh, okay, cool. And um, yeah, and then there was cart, so which I think is butterbeer cart in French. It's just a butterbeer cart, but in French. So, and then the stores are Cosme, Acatar, Acajor, Baguette, Magique. I guess bag baguette wand.

SPEAKER_01 55:21

Okay, I have no idea. Here, can I I would like I would hello, I would like to derail this podcast and talk about wands. Yes. They created a brand new land that requires a version two wand. So you would think in this brand new land with this brand new these brand new wands that are specifically and made for Cosme Aquatar, that those would be version two. These Cosme Avatar wands are not, they are version one. So you'd think, okay, so cool. So there's gonna be a bunch of version two wands. There's basically five.

SPEAKER_00 55:59

Five and they're all ugly.

SPEAKER_01 56:00

Harry, Ron, Hermione, Dumbledore, and then a special one for Epic Universe, which is aw, she's ugly.

SPEAKER_02 56:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 56:08

So they're so I really wanted a version two. I ended up leaving the store, and Dale insisted that I got a wand. And then when I looked at the version ones again for Cosme Avatar, that's not what it's called, but we're gonna call it that. I got this beautiful Art Nouveau mermaid wand that normally the hilt that you hold is like round, but this one is like triangular and it's absolutely beautiful and stunning to look at, but it makes me mad that it's not version two.

SPEAKER_00 56:38

Yeah, all the wands unique to that land. There was a mermaid one with a shell, there was a butterfly one, like they were stunningly beautiful, art nouveau, gorgeous, detailed, beautiful, feminine in nature, most of them like very soft. Um, but they were version one, which is maybe why some of the spells did not work for us now that I'm thinking about that.

SPEAKER_01 56:57

But all of that being said, I definitely am gonna probably go back and get all of them because the boxes are normally rectangles, but the Cosme Akatar ones are like a pizza pie shaped. And so if you put them all together, they make like a circle. And I think that's really cool.

SPEAKER_00 57:15

And so this lady, um, her name is A-C-A-J-O-R, so um, but we're gonna call her Avatar. Yep. So just that's what we're referring to. Uh so Cosme Akatar is the wand maker of France and believes the wizard chooses the wand and we shape our own destiny. So it's very much like the wand doesn't choose the wizard. She's like, no, you choose the wand you identify with, and that's you taking shape of your destiny. I love that. Yes. So she's like encouraging people, like, which one do you think's cute? You take that one. Um, and also there's a chandelier in the store, which I did not notice. Did you switch from it? I did. And it was also very crowded in that store, so I was just like, oh, I'm gonna die. Um, it features 800 crystal wands. Oh. Yeah. I did not notice that because I was too busy being like, you what do you mean you only have four really ugly version two wands and everything else is an old wand that I can't use? Why can't you make make new ones? Right. New ones. Like what you clearly made these, like, version two has existed for a while. Why didn't you make these new ones for this park? So you have to buy both. I don't know, maybe it's genius, and they're like, well, you have to buy both now. You have to buy an ugly one and a pretty one. So then there was a candy store called K Ramele or Ramel. Um, we didn't go, we went in, but we didn't buy anything. It was just that really pretty candy shop with like the Ferris wheel on the front, and it was all pink and pretty.

SPEAKER_01 58:33

It was very art aesthetic, but I wasn't in the mood for diabetes.

SPEAKER_00 58:37

No. Um, and then uh there was Le Galleries Muffarix M-I-R-I-F-I-Q-U-E-S, which is the Art Deco clothing store. So this is where they had um, we went into there, so they had like the robes from the 30s. Oh, and they had really pretty jewelry and pajamas. They had really pretty pajamas and we were like pajamas. Um, yeah, this is just like the clothing store, and everything was themed. It like they there wasn't like a general like this is the Harry Potter store. Like there was a store you could buy your robes, there was a candy store, there was a wand store. Um, and then if you just wanted to buy generic Harry Potter stuff, there were stores in um Celestial Park that you could buy from. But yeah, it was just very nice, like unique merch specific to the land. I liked it. Yeah. Um, so any final thoughts from the wizarding Gamat about this land?

SPEAKER_01 59:27

I love Nifflers.

SPEAKER_00 59:29

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 59:30

I love the first Fantastic Beast movie. I don't love the ride. They should sell posters from the restaurant.

SPEAKER_00 59:40

Those are my highlights. Yeah, they could have like a little artist outside who's like, I am selling my wear. Oh my gosh, it'd be so cute.

SPEAKER_01 59:47

And then like they could do like fake chalk, or they could do if they're a real artist, they could do like chalk art and be like, look at this a baguette riding a broomstick.

SPEAKER_00 59:55

And apparently baguette means wand, I guess. So my highlights would be the restaurants were very nice. The theming of the land was beautiful, the land was beautiful. Um, anything they built was very spectacular. Like the queues, very grand, the land very grand, the circus was great. Um, the detailing was phenomenal. Um, every inch had something, every inch was covered. The oars, um, staring deep into your soul was great. The negatives were the ride was not as good as it should have been. Now, if it wasn't hyped up in all and people are like, this ride's fine, maybe like, no, it's a good ride. Um the one situation is stupid. That's frustrating. Frustrating. The characters I wish were more um, I don't want to say aggressive with talking with you, but like it just felt like like, okay, you're not Igor, and Igor talked to me twice, okay?

SPEAKER_01 1:00:45

Yeah, and like it's not like we were wearing jeans and t-shirts. I was wearing a full the I had the berret, a Hufflepuff berret. I had a Hufflepuff cape, I had a Hufflepuff uniform, I was a Hufflepuff. And I had a wand. Like I was doing the thing. I really was and I let me be very clear. I didn't there are certain people that go into theme parks who mess with the characters, and I really don't like it because that's not what entertainment is. No, it's not where'd you get your wig? Oh my god, girl, what time are you off? It's like that's not what we're doing here. We're we're we're you're an Ilvermorty student and you're a Boboton student, and I really wanted to talk to them because I love the art, like I love the hair like Harry Potter universe, and so I want especially Ilvermorney, like I w I I'm so curious about Ilvermorney because it's like loc isn't it upstate New York? Yeah, somewhere in the New England area, yeah. And I'm just I was hoping that with Fantastic Beasts they would go to Ilver Morney. So you could kind of see that, but instead they retconned Minerva McGonagall.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:01

Um yeah, I liked the see, we were just there, like look, we're middle-aged Disney adults. Like, we're just here to have fun in yes and like Yeah, that's it.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:11

That's it. I'm not here to gotcha or get a viral moment. Our phones weren't out. I just wanted to have like for Igor, we had uh we took a picture with him with his cons. Let me be there. I'm not telling you how to theme park, I'm just telling you how I like to theme park and like I really like interacting with the characters.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:34

You know, you did ask Igor, you said, hey, can we take a portrait? Well you said picture and then can we take a portrait with you? And he said, Yes.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:42

Yes, Michelle, I've had the portrait. Um Yeah, because I want to be respectful to because let's let's talk the the the meat and bones of this. These are kids, they're actors, right? They are doing the very best that they can within the parameters that they have, i.e., they're not doing Shakespeare, they're not on Law and Order SVU doing their business, they are an Ilver Morney student, they're a detective, they're Barney Rubble, they're Lonnie from disaster. Like w I I really don't this is now turning into a rant about how I really don't like when people like shove a camera in their down their throat and try to have Dance Monkey dance. Yeah, dance monkey dance. And and if you're gonna say, but Michelle, you did that on the Defunct Land video. You asked the Mickey Mouse to dance in the Defunct Land video, the four-hour animatronics ride uh thing. Uh yes, I did. Number one, and number two, it was for attractions magazine. I have learned and grown from that experience.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:51

So also, if you would like to see Michelle Tanner Marino in a defunct land video, please watch the 18-hour-long epic um on animatronics. And I'm in it for three seconds. Yes. Um, yeah, it's I just think like a lot of people want a viral moment, and it is like, okay, but you're doing it off the backs of like this actor's hard work who's not getting paid enough, you know, to deal with your crap.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:14

Right. And they're not gonna they're not gonna like let's say you go viral, right? They're not going to see any of that, and it's you're right, it's their hard work. Yeah. I just reiterated what you said, and I'm very sorry. Please go on.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:28

And if anything, like people tend to get fired over that. Like, there's been some incidences at theme parks where characters have gone viral and they have let those characters go because they want to make they don't want anyone in particular to go viral. They want it to be very neutral and anyone can play this character at any time, and we need to make the most money off of it. Be nice to characters. Yes, be nice. Don't worry about recording, you know. But if you happen to get it great, people I mean, I love to watch Igor videos, so it's great to share with people, but like we just tended to just enjoy the moment more as a whole, and I think we had a much more fun time because of it. Those are our last thoughts on Harry Potter, Harry Potter, and Disney Battle Ministry. We're doing Pepe.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:08

So love to see you.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:12

Oh, let me get my Captain Cacao and our Captain Cacao's will sign off for us. So all who come to this happy podcast. Welcome.